NationStates Jolt Archive

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The Principality of Bévue (or at least the House of Bévue) has centuries-long history of being by far, hands-down, the most marvelous nation on earth as well as the most beautiful, most successful and, by far, the most intelligent. Naturally, it is understandable for the masses to desire proximity to the glorious beacon of scientific wonder that is Bévue. Being blessed with equal parts divinity and benevolence, we will allow you to establish embassies in the glorious city of Bévue-Ville. We simply ask that you fill out the necessary paperwork and bring a tribute to the Prince.

The Rights of the Host Nation

Bévue may, at any time, eject a diplomatic mission for any reason. However, chanceries are not considered Bévuesque soil and the Bévuesque authorities may not enter without permission from within.

The Rights of Embassy Staff

All embassy staff will be granted diplomatic immunity. However, in the unlikely event that they manage to commit a crime, the prince will personally expel them from the country with a swift kick across the border.

Should Bévue's small but plucky armed forces work up the courage to engage in warfare against an embassy-holding nation, the deportation process will involve much softer kicks, possibly by lesser government officials.

Location of Chanceries

Naturally, in order to shield your diplomats from the dens of carnal sin, violence and thievery that make up the other three quarters, all chanceries will be in the illustrious Quartier Bévuesque. We cannot, however, give any precise location, possibilities include the prince's second home's larder, the men's restroom at the public library, the basement of 13 Rue Âne, the elevator in the Voltaire Building and the ambassador's car.

Staff, Vehicles, Weapons and Such

We ask that you limit your embassies to ten diplomatic staff and ten guards. You may have as many as three ground vehicles. Weapons issued to guards cannot exceed a submachine gun in size or capabilities.

Application

National Information:
- Full Name of Nation:
- Government Type:
- Current Ruler:

Ambassadorial Information:
- Ambassador's Name:
- Ambassador's Family (if any):
- Are there any health or security issues locally authorities should be alerted of?

Staff and Equipment Information:
- Diplomatic Staff:
- Security Staff:
- Will you be hiring locally?
- What weapons will your security staff be carrying?
- What vehicles will you be using?

Miscellaneous:
- Would you like us to establish an embassy in your nation?
- Do you have any special requests?
- Would you like to enter into trade/treaty talks?
- Is there any additional information we should know?
- Please declare any drugs, alcohol, animals or plants you are bringing into the country.

Embassies:
1. Moustiers
Between the Bévue Correctional Center for the Violent and Criminally Insane and the seafood processing plant
2. Freidlichen
Dirty Harry's Nude Revue and Embassy (Quartier Bévue); Madame Putain's All Nude Club and Theater (Quartier Salaud); Ricardo Room, Monte Crisco Casino (Quartier Nigaud)
3. Pripiat
Under the Pont d'Etoile
4. Pacifica
Bévuesque National Aviary

To: Bévue
From: Lancelot from Chazakain Foreign Agency

Application

National Information:
- Full Name of Nation: The Chazakain Kingdom
- Government Type: Monarchy
- Current Ruler: King Ares Bogal

Ambassadorial Information:
- Ambassador's Name: Sir Robin
- Ambassador's Family (if any): None
- Are there any health of security issues locally authorities should be alerted of?: afraid of rabbits for some reason

Staff and Equipment Information:
- Diplomatic Staff: 5
- Security Staff: 4
- Will you be hiring locally? No
- What weapons will your security staff be carrying? Tasers for all
- What vehicles will you be using? 2 State rights Limos

Miscellaneous:
- Would you like us to establish an embassy in your nation? Yes, link in sig
- Do you have any special requests? Nope
- Would you like to enter into trade/treaty talks?Sure
- Is there any additional information we should know? Nope
- Please declare any drugs, alcohol, animals or plants you are bringing into the country. None

SIC
To: House of Salaud
From: Unknown

You seem to be right about the general feel of this place, our agents have detected several of your proposed crimes being committed in their whorehouses and other nasty places. We wish to send you $10,000 in unmarked bills for your usage as you best see fit.

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Beware good people of the world! This is, no doubt, another fiendish plot by the vile House of Bévue to bend innocents to their dastardly will! Should your unsuspecting diplomats step foot in the Quartier Bévuesque they will, no doubt, we murdered in the most gruesome and brutish was possible before those thugs rend their limbs from their bodies and devour them raw before bathing in their spilt blood.

Only the noble and just House of Salaud can provide protection the the monster that lurk in all other corners of Bévue.

(OOC: To make any sense of this, you'll probably want to read the factbook (see sig) which outlines the rivalry between Bévuesque houses. Also, bear in mind that Bévuesques aren't the brightest bulbs).

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To: Lancelot from Chazakain Foreign Agency

Hark! What a queer occurrence! We have long thought that no man could defeat a Nigaud in a battle of ignorance but it seems that you, foolish Lancelot from Chazakain Foreign Agency, could put even the dullest of Nigauds to shame with your endless anti-knowledge.

You address us as "Bevuesque"! What a fool you must be to address us as such for we are the glorious Principality of Bévue! We are greatly offended that after we have shown you nothing but respect and admiration, you cannot even get our name right!

As if we did not already see you as a dunce, you are requesting staff almost twice the maximum. Lo, what a fool you must be! Even a Nigaud can read, but it appears you cannot. We pity you poor Lancelot.

To: Bévue
From: Chazaka Foreign Office

Application

National Information:
- Full Name of Nation: The Chazaka Empire
- Government Type: Chazaka Democracy
- Current Ruler: Nyx Darkrider

Ambassadorial Information:
- Ambassador's Name: Arthur O'Beal
- Ambassador's Family (if any): None
- Are there any health of security issues locally authorities should be alerted of?: Asthma

Staff and Equipment Information:
- Diplomatic Staff: 5
- Security Staff: 4
- Will you be hiring locally? No
- What weapons will your security staff be carrying? Tasers for all
- What vehicles will you be using? 2 "Staterights" Limos

Miscellaneous:
- Would you like us to establish an embassy in your nation? Yes, link in sig
- Do you have any special requests? Nope
- Would you like to enter into trade/treaty talks? Sure
- Is there any additional information we should know? Nope
- Please declare any drugs, alcohol, animals or plants you are bringing into the country. None

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To: Chazaka Foreign Office

Vile dogs! We have seen through your dastardly plan! You will send an ambassador to the immaculate Principality of Bévue, but your true intention is not diplomacy and peace, but war of the most base and foul kind! Arthur O'Beal, a mere pawn in your diabolical plan, will cross our border, looking as fit if not more fit than a fiddle. However, it will not be long before the wheezing begins and with each gasp, he will spread the caustic asthmatic scourge across our pristine country. Soon, our children will fall sick with the asthma, and all because of you and your vile jealously! We understand that you cannot ever compare to the glory of the Bévuesque people, but to think that you would stoop to biological warfare in order to mend your pride disgusts us even more than the scent of an unwashed Salaud.

National Information:
- Full Name of Nation: The Twelve Colonies of Augmark
- Government Type: Federal Republic
- Current Ruler: Richard Adar

Ambassadorial Information:
- Ambassador's Name: Kara Hollister
- Ambassador's Family (if any):no
- Are there any health of security issues locally authorities should be alerted of?: werewolf

Staff and Equipment Information:
- Diplomatic Staff:10
- Security Staff:4
- Will you be hiring locally? No
- What weapons will your security staff be carrying? Glock Pistols, tasers
- What vehicles will you be using? , 1 armored Limousine, 1 Bell 430 Helicopter

Miscellaneous:
- Would you like us to establish an embassy in your nation? Maybe One Day...
- Do you have any special requests? That a small temple be built for religious purposes, within the Embassy
- Would you like to enter into trade/treaty talks? Yes
- Is there any additional information we should know? No
- Please declare any drugs, alcohol, animals or plants you are bringing into the country
1 Minature Daschund, 1 spiderplant, 4 bottles of ambrosia

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To: The Twelve Colonies of Augmark

Fie! Fie! Begone vile beasts of Satan! The glorious and pious Principality of Bévue is no place for your demonic wiles, nor is it any place for your dastardly pagan faith! We will not tolerate you fiendishly sausage-like dogs or your hellish spider-spawning vegetation! We know your game, if the wolf-men don't get us, the hoards of spiders will finish the job. Begone with you lest the prince's wrath rain down like so many silver bullets!

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To: Principauté de Bévue

National Information:
- Full Name of Nation: The Most Serene Sovereign Domain of the Prince of the Principality of Moustiers, Under the Watchfull and Benevolent Eye of Our Lord
- Government Type: Monarchy
- Current Ruler: The Most Serene Prince Moustiers CXXXVIII

Ambassadorial Information:
- Ambassador's Name: Baron Thibaut Lévesque III
- Ambassador's Family (if any): None
- Are there any health of security issues locally authorities should be alerted of? No

Staff and Equipment Information:
- Diplomatic Staff: 10
- Security Staff: 5
- Will you be hiring locally? Yes
- What weapons will your security staff be carrying? M9 Pistols
- What vehicles will you be using? 1 Armored SUV

Miscellaneous:
- Would you like us to establish an embassy in your nation? Not at the moment
- Do you have any special requests? No
- Would you like to enter into trade/treaty talks? No
- Is there any additional information we should know? No
- Please declare any drugs, alcohol, animals or plants you are bringing into the country. No

National Information:

- Full Name of Nation: Diplomatic Republic of Kingsley Bedford
- Government Type: Democratic Republid
- Current Ruler: President Mikhail Romanov

Ambassadorial Information:

- Ambassador's Name: Gergana Slantsemova
- Ambassador's Family (if any): None
- Are there any health of security issues locally authorities should be alerted of?: No

Staff and Equipment Information:

- Diplomatic Staff: 12
- Security Staff: 10

- Will you be hiring locally?: Yes, we need someone who can translate the local language into Kingfordian & all security staff are to be hired locally

- What weapons will your security staff be carrying?: Pistols and Tazer Guns

- What vehicles will you be using?: 2 bullet-proof veichles, 1 security jeep

Miscellaneous:

- Would you like us to establish an embassy in your nation?: Yes

- Do you have any special requests?: Flagpole in front of embassy, iron security gate

- Would you like to enter into trade/treaty talks?: At some point yes

- Is there any additional information we should know?: No

- Please declare any drugs, alcohol, animals or plants you are bringing into the country: Ambassadors cat (Mr. Tinns) and 3 Vodka bottles

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To: The Most Serene Prince Moustiers CXXXVIII

It is with astonishment and, frankly, a touch or chagrin, that we approve your embassy in the glorious Principality of Bévue. We have no doubt that your ambassador will enjoy your assigned lot– a lovely stone row house between the scenic Bévue Correctional Center for the Violent and Criminally Insane and our tantalizing seafood processing plant.

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To: Diplomatic Republic of Kingsley Bedford

'Sblood, another foolish people in need of the glorious Principality's benevolence. Clearly, arithmetic is you most dire educational failing for your diplomats do not even know that twelve is greater than ten.

We must also report that not a single Bévuesque speaks the language you call "Kingfordian", however, perhaps one of your citizens if familiar with a language known as "French."

Finally, the prince rejects your tribute of three vodka bottles and demands you return with said bottles filled with a clear, flavorless and odorless spirit of your choosing.

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À La Principauté de Bévue

Le Royaume de Pripiate veux établir une ambassade dans la Principauté de Bévue. Nos honourables et nobles voisins dans la Bévue sont très importants pour la Pripiate. Nous avons compris les informations nécessaire dans ce communiqué.

National Information:
- Full Name of Nation: Royaume de Pripiate
- Government Type: Royaume
- Current Ruler: Roi [Tsar] Aleksey III

Ambassadorial Information:
- Ambassador's Name: Danylo Doroshenko
- Ambassador's Family (if any): N/A
- Are there any health of security issues locally authorities should be alerted of? Non

Staff and Equipment Information:
- Diplomatic Staff: 10
- Security Staff: 3
- Will you be hiring locally? Non
- What weapons will your security staff be carrying? [6x] SC-1 pistolet, [3x] Type 5 pistolet mitrailleur
- What vehicles will you be using? [2x] automitrailleuse sans armes

Miscellaneous:
- Would you like us to establish an embassy in your nation? Oui; Sevastopol
- Do you have any special requests? Non
- Would you like to enter into trade/treaty talks? Oui; bien sur
- Is there any additional information we should know? Oui; M. Doroshenko a un chat
- Please declare any drugs, alcohol, animals or plants you are bringing into the country. N/A; M. Doroshenko n'a pas des drogues

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À: Tsar Aleksey III

Zut alors! The glorious Principauté de Bévue n'est pas un zone de geurre. Nous ne voulons pas vos automitrailleuses dans notre ville tranquille. Descendez aux enfers!

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To: The Twelve Colonies of Augmark

Fie! Fie! Begone vile beasts of Satan! The glorious and pious Principality of Bévue is no place for your demonic wiles, nor is it any place for your dastardly pagan faith! We will not tolerate you fiendishly sausage-like dogs or your hellish spider-spawning vegetation! We know your game, if the wolf-men don't get us, the hoards of spiders will finish the job. Begone with you lest the prince's wrath rain down like so many silver bullets!



Je ne suis pas mauvais,........Au Revoir!

Application
National Information:
- Full Name of Nation: The Commonwealth of Whiskeasy
- Government Type: Capitalist Democracy
- Current Ruler: Prime Minister Jack Daniels

Ambassadorial Information:
- Ambassador's Name: Margeret Waith
- Ambassador's Family (if any): None
- Are there any health of security issues locally authorities should be alerted of? None

Staff and Equipment Information:
- Diplomatic Staff: 13
- Security Staff: 7
- Will you be hiring locally? Yes
- What weapons will your security staff be carrying? K29 Assault Rifles and Browning High Powers.
- What vehicles will you be using? x3 BMW M3s x1 Armoured Limousine

Miscellaneous:
- Would you like us to establish an embassy in your nation? Yes
- Do you have any special requests? No
- Would you like to enter into trade/treaty talks? Trade talks.
- Is there any additional information we should know? No.
- Please declare any drugs, alcohol, animals or plants you are bringing into the country.

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To: The Commonwealth of Whiskeasy

Lo! More fools incapable of reading, arithmetic or both! Clearly, you dunce, thirteen is greater than ten.

National Information:
- Full Name of Nation: The Principality of Freidlichen
- Government Type: Principality
- Current Ruler: Crown Prince Erich Krause von Freidlichen XXI

Ambassadorial Information:
- Ambassador's Name: Fritz Blau
- Ambassador's Family (if any): None
- Are there any health of security issues locally authorities should be alerted of?: The health of security should remain intact.

Staff and Equipment Information:
- Diplomatic Staff: 10
- Security Staff: 5
- Will you be hiring locally?: No
- What weapons will your security staff be carrying?: Batons
- What vehicles will you be using?: 2x Mercedes-Benz E-class sedans

Miscellaneous:
- Would you like us to establish an embassy in your nation?: Yes
- Do you have any special requests?: No
- Would you like to enter into trade/treaty talks?: Of course
- Is there any additional information we should know?: No
- Please declare any drugs, alcohol, animals or plants you are bringing into the country.: None

Diplomatic Communique
To Bévue Administration
From Fred the Janitor

I apoligize for ma lacks of reeding skillz. I hav ben put in charge of embasssies in other coutries due to budget cutz. We changez the numba of peplez goin to 10.
Fred

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To: The Principality of Freidlichen

It is with no small amount of disappointment that we approve your embassy. We hope your ambassador will enjoy his posting in the back room of our best strip club (or, at least, the best strip club not owned by the filthy deviant Salauds).

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To: Fred the Janitor

We refuse to associate with your sniveling, plebeian sort. We demand to speak directly to your prime minister.

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À La Principauté de Bévue

O, insulter vos voisins ? Nous sommes déçus. Mais, nous utiliserons trois Audi A6 au lieu des automitrailleuses. Acceptable ?

To The Pricks running the hell hole of Bévue.
From General Abe Smith

After talking to my brother in such an appalling manner I'm afraid to say you are now top of our strategic nuclear testing facilities. You can expect the test to occur anywhere between July and December 2670.
Looking forward to it,
Abe

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À: Royaume de Pripiate

Ouais, si vous insistez. Votre ambassade est situer sous le Pont d'Etoile. Nous recommandons que vous portez des imperméables.

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To: General Abe Smith

We are honored to be selected for this program. We have long intended to bring nuclear power to Bévue but it has not been possible due to budget constraints. As we await 2670, we will prepare a list of possible sites for the reactor.

To The Pricks running the hell hole of Bévue.
From General Abe Smith

I think you will find that their will be an abundance of nuclear power but it shall be in the form of a couple of kilotons of missile rather than uranium rods. People will be able to see you from space.

I talked to Sandy from administration and she said she could bump the holocaust up to next friday. See you there.
Abe,

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To: The Brave and Glorious General Abe Smith

We will be sending your esteemed brother the sanitation technician a basket of fine Bévuesque wine and olives. We hope we can put this whole incident behind us. If not, please aim for the Quartier Salaud.

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We must repeat the advice of our only somewhat-detestable compatriots the Salauds and warn the nations of the world against trusting their precious ambassadors with the scabrous House of Bévue. We instead recommend a thrilling stay in the Quartier Nigaud– the perfect place to gamble your national budget away.

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To: Houses of Bévue, Salaud, Nigaud, Empoté
From: Ministry of Foreign Affairs, Principality of Freidlichen
Subj: Policy of Neutrality

Because of Freidlichen's policy of complete neutrality, and considering the current situation in the Principality of Bévue, we would think it improper of us to establish an embassy in only one of the four quarters. For this reason, we would like to inquire as to the establishment of three more embassies in each of the currently unoccupied quarters.

-Sincerely,
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Emilie Zimmerman
Minister of Foreign Affairs for the Principality of Freidlichen

National Information:
- Full Name of Nation: Pacifica, Federation of
- Government Type: Constitutional federal parliamentary republic
- Current Ruler: Prime Minister Anthony Wittrock

Ambassadorial Information:
- Ambassador's Name: Jonas Barrington
- Ambassador's Family (if any): Spouse - Elisabeth Barrington (née Gramont)
- Are there any health or security issues locally authorities should be alerted of? None.

Staff and Equipment Information:
- Diplomatic Staff: 8
- Security Staff: 3
- Will you be hiring locally? For support staff positions only
- What weapons will your security staff be carrying? Tasers
- What vehicles will you be using? 3 Cadillac STS

Miscellaneous:
- Would you like us to establish an embassy in your nation? Yes.
- Do you have any special requests? None.
- Would you like to enter into trade/treaty talks? Yes.
- Is there any additional information we should know? No.
- Please declare any drugs, alcohol, animals or plants you are bringing into the country. A Pacifican Sheep Monkey donated to the National Zoo in Bévue Ville or nearest location.

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To: Emilie Zimmerman

We welcome your realization that the pig-headed cretins of the House of Bévue are not the only ones with any power in this nation. While they have granted you an embassy in a so-called "strip club", we will place your embassy in a true Bévuesque strip club. Your ambassador need not bring pants.

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Marquis Nicolas III

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To: Emilie Zimmerman

You are wise to deal directly with us rather than relying on the viperish House of Bévue to pass on your intent accurately. Your ambassador may work out the Ricardo Room of the Monte Crisco casino. However, every Monday and Wednesday from five to seven the room is used for bingo.

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To: Emilie Zimmerman

We must warn you of the treachery of the other houses. Whatever you do, steer clear of those hyenas. We recommend you establish all four embassies in the Quartier Empoté. Nowhere else will you be safe.

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To: Federation of Pacifica

I suppose we must approve your embassy. However, we must insist your leave your cursèd genetic hybrid of a beast at home. We simply cannot have such a terror in our country as it could potentially grow to twenty times it natural size after being exposed to nuclear radiation and take over the palace, killing everyone inside with one swipe of its dastardly paw/hoof.

Considering your love of animals, your embassy has been placed in the Bévuesque National Aviary. We strongly recommend you bring an umbrella.

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Prince Jean-Auguste le Pourpre

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Naturally, all the other houses of Bévue are murderous liars. Only the noble and graceful House of Empoté can be entrusted with your diplomatic representatives. We are famous world-wide for our low, rocky protrusions, quaintly uneven stairways and lack of basic concern for the public safety. The House of Empoté– getting the most out of health insurance since 1302.

OOC: I'm tired of being subtle, bump.

OOC: Encore, un choc.

OOC: Bump