NationStates Jolt Archive

Please do not post in this thread without first consulting either me or The Garbage Men.

President Marek Koryatsky - the christened President of Allemenschen - had a problem. Well, he had a lot of problems, notably among those was that his cities are becoming over-populated with androids, because no one wanted to live in his cities. In fact, he wasn't certain if people weren't coming because they were afraid of the androids or they just really didn't want to come. But the end result was an economy that wasn't making any money at all; actually, that was a good thing, because he didn't have to pay the androids. But that was a problem because he needed to buy stuff - silicon, titanium, vanadium, iron, chromium, and all of that fancy elemental metal stuff. And given the time, they would run out of energy to generate their photon mass conversion systems (PMCS). On top of that, his cabinet was insane. Just the other day, it spit out his pots, suggesting to Koryatsky that it was a bird flying south for the winter. It subsequently fell off the counter and malfunctioned some more before deciding that it was better to stay through the bitter cold rather than flop rather like a fish all day. It didn't help that his other Cabinet was also insane; especially Prime Minister Kowak.

But that all paled in comparison to his major problem. With all of the androids in the cities and the humans not, there was a problem of the plumbing and the sanitation systems. For some reason, androids have a need to excrete. Old parts, expired lubricant, dead animals that got stuck in the wires, etc... whatever the case, the streets were starting to stick up very badly.

"Prime Minister!!!!!!!" Koryatsky cried.

"Yes, sir?" Kowak said, from the comfort of his chair. In fact, the whole Cabinet was present for the meeting. Only Koryatsky seemed out of place.

"I'm sorry," he replied. "I thought I was being attacked by my cabinet again."

"I seriously think that you need to re-route the self-cognition systems again. Cabinets cannot think that they're birds and can fly south for the winter."

"Oh, that's not what I care about. It's just that he always spits out my pots after I spend hours of painstaking arrangement. I make it so perfect that all of my pots fit in there nicely, and with one fell swoop, they're either all over me or on the floor."

"Anyway, President, you were saying?"

"Ah, yes. The trash on these streets is becoming an abomination. If we want people to come into these cities, we'll have to clean them up!"

"We can build a robot for that!"

"No! No more robots! I want humans!"

"Well, there's no rational human being who will clean up that mess," Kowak remarked. "I wouldn't."

"Well, someone has to."

"I know!" remarked a Minister."

"What's your idea?"

"We'll pull straws! He who pulls the shortest straw will clean up the streets!"

"Okay, sounds fair."

The Cabinet gathered around to pick straws. Slowly, each man picked the straws until there were no more straws. "In order for this to work, one of the straws has to be shorter than the others."

"We can use pencils!"

"We agreed to picking out straws, not pencils."

"I've got a better idea," Kowak then said. "Why not let someone else do it?"

Koryatsky shrugged his shoulders. "Who is someone else?"

"Well, we can send out a message to the international community. After all, this is the International Incidents place - anything can happen here."

"Like what?"

At that, Kowak burst into song (alla cancan):

"There's embassy exchange
And sometimes ships gone out beyond their range
Birthday Party
Sometimes hearty
Never know when things get strange -

Random n00b has got the bomb
And suddenly it breaks the calm
Big Alliance
Meets defiance
So those kings will have a prom.

International
Maybe intergalactic too
Incidents
Fighting from just any view

International
Never see them take a loo
Incidents
Anything is up to do.

*Bridge*
***Ministers all get on the table and dance the cancan with a big band orchestra appearing through the wall and playing along***
*END*

Koryatsky was still a bit dumbfounded as Kowak finished singing and the Ministers stopped dancing, all out of breath. "Um, since when did we get a movable wall?"

"We built it with the building," Kowak replied.

"Um... Okay. So besides... the singing and dancing... what's the benefit of having someone else do it?"

"They take care of the trash, no questions asked. It usually works, because they're poor and we're rich.

"But we're not rich."

"Oh... well, that might be a problem."

Koryatsky raised a brow. "Problem?"

"Well, seeing as I already sent the message..."

"WHAT?" Koryatsky yelled. "How could you do that? I just saw you talking about it, and then singing and then talking about it! You had no time to do that!"

"Well, it is International Incidents..."

"No singing please..."

To fit in with all the Singing and dancing... We can! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tU19r26OpCc)

The message from Allemenschen found it's way to the World-wide head-quarters of The Garbage Men, the message was routed, and re-routed through it's labyrinthine hierarchy and passages right up to the board. Anything that was on a national scale had to go to the board and be approved the CEO having the final casting vote if there was a tied result.

Rather than boring you with the long, drawn out and rather dull proceedings of the board meeting, which discussed the message and for some reason 'Three-headed monkeys' came to a conclusion, well actually 2... one that Three-headed monkeys probably do exist... somewhere, and two, that they were going to approach the President of Allemenschen and see what they could do to help them with their 'problem'.

Trevor Desorté, he was the CEO and owner of The Garbage Men corporation, he was rather an unusual person, though he did get onto the phone and got in contact with President Korysky, or whoever the President was. Trevor's personal assistant however was the one that technically made the call she just put Trevor through once it was ringing

"President Kory-at-sky of Allemenschen?"

"Good Morning sir, I am Trevor Desorté, owner and CEO of a large waste and sanitation corporation. I've heard that you are having a bit of trouble with waste oil and such, and your sanitation system is not handling it well?"

"I see, We'll I'd like to have an assessment team sent over to get a first-hand look at the situation there."

"President Kory-at-sky of Allemenschen?"

"This is Hatsfield's Residence. You gotta problem with that, boy?"

"Oops, sorry."

redial...

"President Kory-at-sky of Allemenschen?"

"Yes? Who the heck are you? And why are you calling me in my bathroom?"

"Good Morning sir, I am Trevor Desorté, owner and CEO of a large waste and sanitation corporation. I've heard that you are having a bit of trouble with waste oil and such, and your sanitation system is not handling it well?"

"How did you figure out we had problems?... Oh, wait. Kowak sent that message, didn't he? Well, anyway, we've got problems left and right! Androids are really messy things, and well... the Sanitation Commission of Allemenschen doesn't exist. So, there's oil sludge, broken parts, the occassional homicide, and some untouched baked Dutch apple pie littering the city. Not to mention all of those stinging, breeding, yucky, creepy... purple-stinging nellies!"

"I see, We'll I'd like to have an assessment team sent over to get a first-hand look at the situation there."

"Do you really need a first-hand assessment? I'm sitting in the bathroom at this moment."

Kowak suddenly entered the bathroom, crashing through the door, in song:

(alla Die Walküre)

"This city is a real mess,
This city is a real mess,
This city is a real mess,
Oh, yes I confess!

This city is a real mess,
No place for our highness,
The stinking stenchness,
Of our recess!"

Koryatsky was a bit upset.

"WILYELM KOWAK! I'M IN THE %$#^ BATHROOM!"

Kowak and his company glanced at him, only slightly. "Who are you talking to?"

"Does it matter? Why are you storming my bathroom?"

"Your bathroom? I thought this was Maria's bathroom." Kowak turned to his company. "Wrong room." At that, they vacated the room, leaving the crushed door in its place. Koryatsky turned to the vid screen, sighing. "You're welcome to send a team. I'd caution that things may be a little crazy when they arrive."

"Sorry for getting you in the Bathroom, but our staff should be able to cope with many unusual situations. Thank you, I'll make sure you get the details about exactly when to expect the team but they should be there within the week. Thank you."

He ended the call... "I wonder just how crazy this will be." he pondered aloud as he initiated the paper work to get an assessment team to Allemenschen. It would be 122 hours exactly from that phone call until the team arrived.

**121.5 Hours Later ***

"Allemenschen is in sight, Sir" The land that was Allemenschen was displayed on the main viewing screen with a blue highlight areound the area of Atlantian Oceania.

"They're mainly in a non-space faring area. Technological scans indicate Information technological societies in the area..."

"Hmmm, just enough to cause trouble not enough to really properly engage... go in under cloak... but inform the Allemenschen's first I don't want this cause any issues."

"Aye,Aye, Sir."


To: President Koryatsky of Allemenschen

This is the TGMS Assessment 173, we bare an assessment team from The Garbage Men. We understand you have some sanitation issues and we'd like to look around. We are scheduled to enter the atmosphere of the planet in approximately 25 minutes, however we will do so under cloak for the benefit of those societies around. Once we enter the atmopshere and approaching Allenmenschen airspace we will drop cloak.

Please let us know if this won't be suitable and something else can be arranged.

A transmission was coming into the establishment at the central headquarters where transmissions are typically received.

To: President Koryatsky of Allemenschen

This is the TGMS Assessment 173, we bare an assessment team from The Garbage Men. We understand you have some sanitation issues and we'd like to look around. We are scheduled to enter the atmosphere of the planet in approximately 25 minutes, however we will do so under cloak for the benefit of those societies around. Once we enter the atmosphere and approaching Allenmenschen airspace we will drop cloak.

Please let us know if this won't be suitable and something else can be arranged.

The boy gave a perplexed response: "Would you like fries with that?"

*** minutes later after searching for the right frequency ***

It would help to note that there was no official Allemenschen radio frequency. So what ended up happening was some lackey came out on a shuttle and landed on the ground to ask President Koryatsky directly. It was a painless journey to the government center, but it was a painful endeavor to try to visit President Koryatsky, who was busily playing hop-scotch with the Cabinet. And what a pleasurable game it was for Koryatsky.

"I'm sorry, not now," he said.

Tthe lackey appeared confused. "Not now?" he asked again.

"I'm playing hop-scotch, can't you see?" With that, he tossed a piece of chalk onto the spaces, and started hopping on the squares.

"Um, don't you want an evaluation crew to at least look around?"

"Do they really need to look around?" Kowak asked, speaking on behalf of Koryatsky was in the middle of a jump. "The country is littered with refuse from our androids. You could see it from space, mind you!"

"Actually... we can't."

"Wha???" The whole Cabinet gazed at the lackey who was a bit surprised that they were surprised.

"I did say that we were going to be entering the atmosphere shortly and that we would be landing..."

"AHHH!!! ALIENS!!!" Just at that moment, the entire room became vacated (minus the poor lackey who was probably horribly confused). But fortunately for us, there was an android that entered the room.

"Greeting, I am #8542, professional greeter for the Allemenschen Government. I have been cleared to allow your descent into our airspace and to begin surveying our lands for proper sanitation issues and how you and your company can help Allemenschen."

ooc: TGM/Baz, please let me know if I'm abusing my creative license.

"Greeting, I am #8542, professional greeter for the Allemenschen Government. I have been cleared to allow your descent into our airspace and to begin surveying our lands for proper sanitation issues and how you and your company can help Allemenschen."


"Understood, The craft will temporarily land to deposit the team before taking off again to perform an aerial survey. Where would you like us to land?" the craft responded before committing itself to 're-entry', though the fact was it wasn't technically as a re-entry as the ship had never been on this particular planet before.

The craft heated up to a tremendous temperature, however the hull was made out of a material that could easily cope with the insane temperatures of entry into a decent atmosphere. The only way anyone would detect it would be if they could detect atmospheric disturbances and even then it probably would just be picked up as general turbulence. The ship entered the region above the capital of the state of Bazalonia. Flying over the sea, going around the long way, they flew following a straight between various landmasses before entering the Allenmenschen land, still labelled on official maps as Tempalhiyon. It didn't matter that was the territory and that was where they were going.

Soon they entered the Allenmenschen air space, a minute later they dropped cloak and re-announced their intentions. "This is TGMS Assessment 173 coming in to land."

The appearance of a stealthy ship was panic enough for any ordinary person. Of course, with the majority of the population being android, there weren't many ordinary people, and when assured that the Garbage Men were coming, the human side of the population turned in absolute horror. Just imagine - a kid running down the street (a dirty one at that) and crying to his/her mommy, "Mommy! Mommy! The Garbage Men are coming!" with as much horror as talking about the Boogeyman, a ghost, or even Richard Simmons. Nonetheless, the android population was not taken aback by the event, and indeed the great majority of them looked to the sky wondering if more of their kind were coming to help him in their menial tasks.

The broadcast was loud and clear: "This is TGMS Assessment 173 coming in to land."

The androids at the airport terminal looked at the ship and replied with an extra-super-duper-ultra-megaphone: "I'M SORRY. YOUR SHIP IS TOO BIG." The ensuing sound blast sent the majority of the landing strip on a high-flying chase some many kilometers away. Luckily, no one was using the air strip, and the airport was largely just a big shack of wooden planks bonded together using the silk of a thousand purple-stinging nellies. The android in the control tower, looking at the now clear space, continued on: "I GUESS NOW YOU HAVE SPACE TO LAND."

"Landing..."

It was announced over the broadcast. It was weird, most civilisations would have at least some sort remote lectronic communication system for air traffic control. No wonder Allenmenschen was in trouble. All the planes that kept colliding into each other.

The craft's landing gear extended down as the thrusters pushed it away from the ground in an attempt to control gravity. The landing, apart from the wind generated was very smooth. A gate out the back lowered down to the ground with a bit of a thud. The noise of whirring gears was heard as a robot descended down the wide gang plank on Tracks. It looked like...
http://www.judiciaryreport.com/images/johnny-5-4-22-08-2.jpg

Another robot a very small one that used a Triangular pyramid wheel system and finally the 2 humans. They all descended stepping on to the Tarmac.

The "tarmac" was literally littered with strewn pieces of airplanes that failed to land. And considering that air-traffic was light these days, that wasn't very many. But those that did fail... well, they never took off again.

Anyway, #8542 managed the trip from wherever he was at the time meeting with the surveyor scout lackey guy to the airport, where the massive ship had just finished landing and now unloaded its surveying content - the robots and the humans. #8542 instinctively started talking to the robots, thinking that they were the superior creatures in command.

"Greetings. I have been authorized to show you around the city and demonstrate the grave problem of sanitation in the bowels of our great city. If you'll follow me, I'll take you straight to the problem spots so that you may determine how you can best help our people. Afterwards, we'll consider the financial arrangements."

To be honest the humans didn't really care that the robot and the accompanying lackey didn't pay any attention they exhibited a most human trait, curiosity. They bent down and examined a piece of a plane wreck... "You think?" one of them asked, the other nodded "probably, would of done things much earlier otherwise." they both nodded in agreement.

The little robot was very active, it didn't like staying still, it ran through the grease and some of it got onto it's wheels. The content of the grease was sampled and analysis was started. It would take some time but the report woul.d be extremely detailed.

Meanwhile as #8542 addressed the larger sort of human looking robot of The Garbage Men.

"Greetings, Requesting Standard Communication Handshaking and Identification Protocol."

#8542 was a little confused.

"Greetings, Requesting Standard Communication Handshaking and Identification Protocol."

#8542 tried to quip a response. "Greetings, Request Standard Communication Handshaking and Identification Protocol Accepted. Requesting Standard Language Conversation Syntactical Structure Protocol."

In the meantime, #8542 noticed that there was a little bit of a trash clogged in the wheels of a smaller machine. Instinctively, #8542 started to clean up the wheels on the little machine, somehow managing to keep in one place and very still.