Ameriganastan
30-12-2008, 22:22
"Good afternoon, this is Trevor Ford with the afternoon news.Expect a small sandstorm to roll into the outskirts of Lowery city, citizens are advised...hey, whats going on?, I'm losing the feed here.John whats..." *The screen went blank, but quickly flickered back on, a man in a ski mask standing there* "Hello, citizens.Your probably a little confused, so let me cut to the chase.I am a freedom fighter, and behind me" *He stepped aside, a small building visible in the background* "Is the Lowery cloning facility.An evil government building, that spits out another psychotic despot every time the first one goes down.And this thing in my hand, is a detonator.Do the math" *He pushed the button, the building going up in a huge fireball* "Now is the time.Lowery's back up plan is gone.When we take this one down, there will be no more.Real freedom for the first time in so long.Rise up people, and bring down this tyrant for good.Any other nation that sees this, please lend your assistance.Freedom now!" *The news desk reappeared on screen, Ford standing there, looking rather stunned* "I need to find a new job"
The Great Lord Tiger
30-12-2008, 22:56
OOC: Ameriganastan, I have some advice for your writing. It gets really confusing when you have one massive block of text. Instead of:
"Good afternoon, this is Trevor Ford with the afternoon news.Expect a small sandstorm to roll into the outskirts of Lowery city, citizens are advised...hey, whats going on?, I'm losing the feed here.John whats..." *The screen went blank, but quickly flickered back on, a man in a ski mask standing there* "Hello, citizens.Your probably a little confused, so let me cut to the chase.I am a freedom fighter, and behind me" *He stepped aside, a small building visible in the background* "Is the Lowery cloning facility.An evil government building, that spits out another psychotic despot every time the first one goes down.And this thing in my hand, is a detonator.Do the math" *He pushed the button, the building going up in a huge fireball* "Now is the time.Lowery's back up plan is gone.When we take this one down, there will be no more.Real freedom for the first time in so long.Rise up people, and bring down this tyrant for good.Any other nation that sees this, please lend your assistance.Freedom now!" *The news desk reappeared on screen, Ford standing there, looking rather stunned* "I need to find a new job"
Put line breaks after all dialogue, like:
"Good afternoon, this is Trevor Ford with the afternoon news. Expect a small sandstorm to roll into the outskirts of Lowery city, citizens are advised...hey, whats going on?, I'm losing the feed here. John, what's..."
The screen went blank, but quickly flickered back on, a man in a ski mask standing there.
"Hello, citizens. You're probably a little confused, so let me cut to the chase. I am a freedom fighter, and behind me-"
He stepped aside, a small building visible in the background.
"-Is the Lowery cloning facility. An evil government building, that spits out another psychotic despot every time the first one goes down. And this thing in my hand, is a detonator. Do the math"
He pushed the button, the building going up in a huge fireball.
"Now is the time. Lowery's back up plan is gone. When we take this one down, there will be no more. Real freedom for the first time in so long. Rise up people, and bring down this tyrant for good. Any other nation that sees this, please lend your assistance. Freedom now!"
The news desk reappeared on screen, Ford standing there, looking rather stunned.
"I need to find a new job."
Just some friendly advice, because it's really difficult to determine what's text, what's speech, etc.