Planet Dahan
10-12-2008, 12:22
Model: Security Scuzzer©, Mark II
Brand: Cybermation Constructs™
Height: 121.92cm
Weight: 332kg
Power plant: Type 6 micro-fusion battery
Locomotion: Bipedal
Computer: Positronic Power! Processor #6
Operating system: SecuriBot Hybrid© v1.5
Maximum sustained speed: 6mph
Defence: HoriZon™ Mobile Particle Sheath Mark III; 42mm tungsten-carbide alloy shell; nano-phase weave
Offence: 2x Kasvagorian particle beam blasters
Cost: 320,000c per unit / 3,000,000c per Bumper Ten Pack!
Description / PR nonsense:
Warfare getting you down? Too many crims on your pleasure station? Need a police force, but don't want to pay them? Let Cybermation Constructs™ cure what ails ya!
Presenting the new and improved Security Scuzzer© Second Edition! Based on the framework of the venerable Security Scuzzer© Mk1, which in turn was based on our highly successful and respected line of Scuzzer Original© maintenance bots, Security Scuzzer© Second Edition is the ultimate security and fighting machine! Now with bigger particle guns!
Ignore the advice of your parents and let Security Scuzzer© fight your battles for you. Equipped with two hand-mounted particle beam blasters of Kasvagorian origin, you can be safe in the knowledge that Security Scuzzer© can burn through shields, armour and flesh like butter, while its portable shield generator manufactured by HoriZon™ will stop others returning the favour! With thick armour, interweaved with nano-phase density enhancements, even if his shields fail you'll find this short little guy is much tougher than he looks - and unlike conventional, organic employees, he doesn't complain when he gets his face burned off!
Equipped with the latest computer hardware from Positronic Power!™ and pre-installed with the latest edition of the SecuriBot Hybrid© software architecture, Security Scuzzer© has fast reaction times, excellent logic and deduction skills, and is programmed with the latest techniques in policing and military tactics. He'll solve crimes, intercept criminals, make arrests and incarcerate even the lowliest of villains. If that's not enough for you, he's also an excellent combat system, making for a superb - and reasonably priced - supplement to your existing armed forces. The waddling little guy also makes for an excellent bodyguard! Imagine having a dozen of these short, stout, waddling little tanks at your side at all times!
Worried about reliability? Don't be - all his software is self-maintaining and proven to work in even the harshest conditions, so he won't go around on an evil rampage shooting innocent bystanders for fun quite as frequently as previous models. His mobile micro-fusion power pack has sufficient juice for 336 hours of continuous, high-stress operation, and each Security Scuzzer© comes with a free Recharging and Maintenance© station! He's programmed to automatically return to his REM© whenever he gets damaged or low on power, and is also compatible with a wide variety of common power transfer ports. Buy additional REMs© to disperse across his patrol zone for added redundancy!
Equipped with a full sensor suite, Security Scuzzer© can track targets and witness crimes in a radius of almost three kilometres, and when properly interfaced with a network of Cybermation Constructs™ Sensor-Comm© arrays or other compatible products, he becomes virtually omniscient! Though capable of transmitting his readings directly to any computer terminal you wish, in the event that this is impossible his high-capacity holo-drive can record thousands of hours worth of data to be downloaded at a later date.
Security Scuzzer© Second Edition has already entered service with Dahanese police, military and private security forces and has generated a lot of excitement. Here's what some of them had to say:
"Security Scuzzer© is so hassle-free. You just switch him on, program him with the style of security you want him to provide, and send him on his way. You just don't catch him eating doughnuts as often as our old guys. It's been fantastic, 'cept for that one incident where a Scuzzer accidentally shot the arm off of one of my constables because he thought he was a skrasher or something. But other than that it's great! Can I get my cheque now?" --- Sergeant Jeerp, Dahanese East Police Authority
"My ship has been equipped with both Maintenance and Security Scuzzers for years. They perform their work with the same zeal as any Kasvagorian warrior. I just wish they were bigger, so that I didn't keep tripping up over the damn things." --- Captain Klarr, commander of the Kasvagorian Annihilator-class ship Ferocious Anger
"I was like, totally tripping out man, and then this grey bucket of bolts with a flashing blue light on the top just came along, and like, pointed its arms at me and made me follow him to the police station! He totally killed my buzz man, not cool." --- Juramana, arrested by a Security Scuzzer© Second Edition unit on the charge of stimulant abuse
So what are you waiting for? At 320,000 credits per unit, you don't need to train them, pay them, or even give them rifles! That's a bargain! Buy our Bumper Ten Pack! and only pay 3,000,000 credits. If you're representing a civil or commercial organisation and want to talk bulk, just give us a call and we'll work out an even better deal!
Subspace Comm Signal: 8189:16898262612:19687161651:BUYNOW!
This infomercial has been brought to you buy OverEnthusiastic PR Limited. Please direct any complaints elsewhere.
Calls cost 250,000c per nanosecond. You will be charged a 10c royalty fee each time you mention the copyrighted terms Security Scuzzer©, Scuzzer Original©, SecuriBot Hybrid©, Sensor-Comm©, or Recharging and Maintenance system©. These, the name Cybermation Constructs™ and all other trademarked terms, are the property of Cybermation Constructs™ and affiliated companies, and will be protected to the fullest extent of the law. Breach of these copyrights or trademarks will result in us hunting you down with a meat cleaver.
Cybermation Constructs™ and affiliated companies assume no responsibility or liability for any loss, property damage, injury, loss of life, infertility, disfiguring scars or intergalactic armageddon incurred as a result of any use or reliance on the Security Scuzzer© Second Edition Total Security Solution product line. Your statutory rights will be revoked.
See side of pack for best before date. Once open, please keep this infomercial in a cool, dry place to prevent premature nuclear detonation.
Brand: Cybermation Constructs™
Height: 121.92cm
Weight: 332kg
Power plant: Type 6 micro-fusion battery
Locomotion: Bipedal
Computer: Positronic Power! Processor #6
Operating system: SecuriBot Hybrid© v1.5
Maximum sustained speed: 6mph
Defence: HoriZon™ Mobile Particle Sheath Mark III; 42mm tungsten-carbide alloy shell; nano-phase weave
Offence: 2x Kasvagorian particle beam blasters
Cost: 320,000c per unit / 3,000,000c per Bumper Ten Pack!
Description / PR nonsense:
Warfare getting you down? Too many crims on your pleasure station? Need a police force, but don't want to pay them? Let Cybermation Constructs™ cure what ails ya!
Presenting the new and improved Security Scuzzer© Second Edition! Based on the framework of the venerable Security Scuzzer© Mk1, which in turn was based on our highly successful and respected line of Scuzzer Original© maintenance bots, Security Scuzzer© Second Edition is the ultimate security and fighting machine! Now with bigger particle guns!
Ignore the advice of your parents and let Security Scuzzer© fight your battles for you. Equipped with two hand-mounted particle beam blasters of Kasvagorian origin, you can be safe in the knowledge that Security Scuzzer© can burn through shields, armour and flesh like butter, while its portable shield generator manufactured by HoriZon™ will stop others returning the favour! With thick armour, interweaved with nano-phase density enhancements, even if his shields fail you'll find this short little guy is much tougher than he looks - and unlike conventional, organic employees, he doesn't complain when he gets his face burned off!
Equipped with the latest computer hardware from Positronic Power!™ and pre-installed with the latest edition of the SecuriBot Hybrid© software architecture, Security Scuzzer© has fast reaction times, excellent logic and deduction skills, and is programmed with the latest techniques in policing and military tactics. He'll solve crimes, intercept criminals, make arrests and incarcerate even the lowliest of villains. If that's not enough for you, he's also an excellent combat system, making for a superb - and reasonably priced - supplement to your existing armed forces. The waddling little guy also makes for an excellent bodyguard! Imagine having a dozen of these short, stout, waddling little tanks at your side at all times!
Worried about reliability? Don't be - all his software is self-maintaining and proven to work in even the harshest conditions, so he won't go around on an evil rampage shooting innocent bystanders for fun quite as frequently as previous models. His mobile micro-fusion power pack has sufficient juice for 336 hours of continuous, high-stress operation, and each Security Scuzzer© comes with a free Recharging and Maintenance© station! He's programmed to automatically return to his REM© whenever he gets damaged or low on power, and is also compatible with a wide variety of common power transfer ports. Buy additional REMs© to disperse across his patrol zone for added redundancy!
Equipped with a full sensor suite, Security Scuzzer© can track targets and witness crimes in a radius of almost three kilometres, and when properly interfaced with a network of Cybermation Constructs™ Sensor-Comm© arrays or other compatible products, he becomes virtually omniscient! Though capable of transmitting his readings directly to any computer terminal you wish, in the event that this is impossible his high-capacity holo-drive can record thousands of hours worth of data to be downloaded at a later date.
Security Scuzzer© Second Edition has already entered service with Dahanese police, military and private security forces and has generated a lot of excitement. Here's what some of them had to say:
"Security Scuzzer© is so hassle-free. You just switch him on, program him with the style of security you want him to provide, and send him on his way. You just don't catch him eating doughnuts as often as our old guys. It's been fantastic, 'cept for that one incident where a Scuzzer accidentally shot the arm off of one of my constables because he thought he was a skrasher or something. But other than that it's great! Can I get my cheque now?" --- Sergeant Jeerp, Dahanese East Police Authority
"My ship has been equipped with both Maintenance and Security Scuzzers for years. They perform their work with the same zeal as any Kasvagorian warrior. I just wish they were bigger, so that I didn't keep tripping up over the damn things." --- Captain Klarr, commander of the Kasvagorian Annihilator-class ship Ferocious Anger
"I was like, totally tripping out man, and then this grey bucket of bolts with a flashing blue light on the top just came along, and like, pointed its arms at me and made me follow him to the police station! He totally killed my buzz man, not cool." --- Juramana, arrested by a Security Scuzzer© Second Edition unit on the charge of stimulant abuse
So what are you waiting for? At 320,000 credits per unit, you don't need to train them, pay them, or even give them rifles! That's a bargain! Buy our Bumper Ten Pack! and only pay 3,000,000 credits. If you're representing a civil or commercial organisation and want to talk bulk, just give us a call and we'll work out an even better deal!
Subspace Comm Signal: 8189:16898262612:19687161651:BUYNOW!
This infomercial has been brought to you buy OverEnthusiastic PR Limited. Please direct any complaints elsewhere.
Calls cost 250,000c per nanosecond. You will be charged a 10c royalty fee each time you mention the copyrighted terms Security Scuzzer©, Scuzzer Original©, SecuriBot Hybrid©, Sensor-Comm©, or Recharging and Maintenance system©. These, the name Cybermation Constructs™ and all other trademarked terms, are the property of Cybermation Constructs™ and affiliated companies, and will be protected to the fullest extent of the law. Breach of these copyrights or trademarks will result in us hunting you down with a meat cleaver.
Cybermation Constructs™ and affiliated companies assume no responsibility or liability for any loss, property damage, injury, loss of life, infertility, disfiguring scars or intergalactic armageddon incurred as a result of any use or reliance on the Security Scuzzer© Second Edition Total Security Solution product line. Your statutory rights will be revoked.
See side of pack for best before date. Once open, please keep this infomercial in a cool, dry place to prevent premature nuclear detonation.