NationStates Jolt Archive

The aircraft carrier Granite City continues on course with it's carrier group, only about 20 miles of the coast of World Assembly City, aircraft are now launching for airstrikes against World Assembly headquarters as troop ships with over 500,000 soldiers follow about 50 miles behind the carrier group preparing for the land invasion to come in a few hours. King David the III goes on international TV, "The time has come, the World Assembly's plot for world government has been exposed, I am now requesting additional nations who oppose one-world government to unite with Edwards Street in the new alliance we are creating, the Worldwide Freedom Coalition (WFC) to destroy the WA headquarters, to preserve the sovereignty of all nations on earth, it's time that this abominable organization be destroyed forever" "Long Live Freedom!"
OOC: Need another anti-WA nation to take over my role, I'll be back Monday.

OOC: This is just a role-playing war here on International Incidents between nations that support or oppose the WA, a fantasy WW3. the only rules that I am placing is 1. Don't disturb the WA forums, etc, keep this "war" limited to this thread 2.No unconventional weapons (nuclear, biological, etc)

OOC: No one wants to join in? I thought this would make a fun scenario for a world war....

OOC: I don't have much time, but I'll try to participate as much as I can.

IC:

Carrier Task Force Thorne - 120 Miles from the WA Headquarters

Fleet Admiral Anthony McKnight had been recently busy with having his small fleet patrol off the coast of many allied nation, showing them that the United Republic never abandons its oaths to protect them. Standing on the bridge, he had a good view of one such nations beautiful mountain ranges, the snow caped peaks surrounded by dense clouds giving a heavenly view. On board his flagship, the LHD Class Strike Carrier (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wasp_Class) Thorne, Anthony had the pleasing experience to halt all patrol VTOL and Helicopter Gunships and allow himself some time to stand on the flight deck undisturbed to view the beautiful landscape. Despite popular belief, Anagonians were not a bloodthirsty People. They enjoyed to savor the beauty of nature, before either destroying it or leaving it be for someone else to destroy.

Currently standing on the bridge, he looked to his left to view the ENDEAVOUR-class Battleship (http://hawk.proboards1.com/index.cgi?board=Military&action=display&thread=28&page=1#322) Ulanga as it sailed close to the Thorne in proper formation. The Battleship was noticeably bigger in length and size than Anthony's LHD Strike Carrier, and thankfully presented a bigger target. As he gazed around, catching glimpses of the rest of the fleet, he took in two WARHAMMER-class Frigates (http://hawk.proboards1.com/index.cgi?board=Military&action=display&thread=28&page=1#333) and one ACHERON-class Guided Missile Destroyer (http://hawk.proboards1.com/index.cgi?board=Military&action=display&thread=28&page=1#331). It was a small fleet, especially considering that only two AKULA's provided submarine defenses, but he was proud of his men and Captain's for their service.

His mind concentrated on the launching Harrier II from the deck, he didn't hear a Lieutenant come up behind him and stand at attention. After hearing someone clear their throat, he turned around and saluted by instinct to relieve the man at attention, and took the letter that the Lieutenant had in his hand. He read it over, sighed heavily, and looked back out the view-ports of the bridge. He watched the Harrier fly off on patrol, and without looking gave the order.

"Captain, make your course for the World Assembly Headquarters." He turned around to walk towards his quarters, looking at the Captain then. "Get to battle stations, and call me when were twenty miles from the zone of contact."

IC: General Micheals walks into King David III 's office, "Your Majesty, Anagonia has joined, a fleet is about 120 miles from the WA headquarters, this is good news"
"Have any other nation responded yet?"
"Not yet, the Foreign Minister is contacting other nations right now, the bombs are falling on World Assembly City as we speak, the ground troops on the ships are more than ready for the ground invasion"
"Well, the assistance of Anagaonia is quite good news, alert the Foreign Minister to contact the head of state of Anagonia, to congratulate them on joining the world-wide fight for freedom."

OOC: Sure I'm assisting? You have MSN or any messenger?

IC:

Captain Samuel Rugo watched the Admiral depart to his quarters, and he quickly relayed the orders for battle stations. Afterward he stood on the bridge, near the consoles where other servicemen and women did their duties. Looking out at the flight deck, he considered the options. The Admirals Task Force, even with the assistance of the Battleships, would be no match for a true Battle Group. They would have to use strategy and cunning, and they would have no backup. This fleet was the only fleet for hundreds of miles that could provide assistance, and it was a joke of a fleet for battle situations. He believed the Admiral assumed the same, and was confident that no matter the situation Admiral McKnight wouldn't allow his men to die uselessly.

Considering the facts of the situation, he sent an order to the Akula Seadog to position itself at the head of the fleet. Then he ordered a single Joint Strike Fighter to launch from the deck and begin scouting ahead for the enemy positions. This way, if attacked, only one fighter would be lost and in all probability the pilot would be saved. In all likelihood they were entering a deathtrap.

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Lt. Commander Drango Happen was the lead pilot on board the Thorne, and the most experienced. When the order came down for a scouting run, he was the first choice. He could have waited to board his F-35 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F-35_Lightning_II) for when the attacks would commence, but he considered that it would be best for an experienced airmen to take the possible suicide mission, and save the other veterans for whenever the fleet was attacked. Upon permission from the flight deck crew, he initiated VTOL after warming up the engines, and took off vertically before entering horizontal flight towards the enemies location.

OOC: WA supporter?

IC: General Micheals: "Your majesty, our Foreign Minister can not contact the head of state of Anagonia, we are not sure of the intentions of their fleet"
King David III "Well, we need reinforcements then, send the destroyer group Madison
along with a diplomatic ship, let's find out their intentions, it won't hurt to have reinforcements, especially ships armed with cruise missiles, and attack helicopters anyway, the Madison destroyer group has the long range cruise missiles, and good anti-aircraft capabilities, right?
"Yes, your Majesty, we won't engage this fleet until hostile action is clear, we're trying to make contact with it."

The rather bland, overly boring halls of the military base lovingly referred to as 'The Nest' was at first uneventful and drag with soldiers patrolling the halls rather unnecesarilly given the fact that it was well-hidden from any type of satlite within the mountainous northern terrain of Ursava. It only took mere seconds however, for it to come to life and Zigana boarded a plane which was part of a collective presidential emrgency transport team simply called Liberty. Zigana had boarded a leer jet (a bigger one wasn't needed at the moment given the fact that different jets transported different political figures the short distance) and was flown to the run-way of the compound.

Then, after a short amount of time the entire political staff including the president were locked safely behind blast-proof doors capable of taking nuclear blasts and still be standing. Alert codes were raised and a general message was sent out to all the countries most likely to participate and those who were already involved.


To: To all nations both for and against the WA.
From: The Free Nation of Ursava.

We declare ourselves a neutral body in this engagement and deny any military access from foreign countries. Political or civilian access is permitted and any/all innocent foreign citizens seeking refuge from the imminent destruction are to be welcomed with open arms in to the safety of Ursavian territory. Any war-criminals will not be permitted to reside in Ursava and will be immidiatelly be turned over to the offended country at the soonest possible time of convinience.


Zigana and the others knew that if a nation the size of Anagonia or somebody similar suddenly had the urge to destry Ursava as a neutral zone then they would eventually have the country under their control but it would be delayed. Shore and air defenses were set up across the country and all across the mountains of northern Ursava small strong-holds of men, artillery, tanks, and artillery were set up to hold off any enemies long enough for a proper defensive set-up to be made at The Nest.

Air Force Commander Richard Engelwood aboard the Granite City:
"Another fleet approaching?" "I'm not taking any chances with this" (Speaks over radio), pilots, fleet found approximately 100 miles west of carrier group Granite City, intentions unclear, we need 5 F-16s to approach the fleet, do not engage unless fired upon."
Navy Admiral Sarah Roberts turns to him, "The sub Freedom is currently about 10 miles from the fleet, laying low, our new Ultra speed torpedoes armed and ready, as well as cruise missiles equipped"

From King David the III:
All neutral nations will be safe from attack by Edwards Street, there is no need for the nation of Ursava or another others not affiliated with this war to be concerned

How is this even relevant to NationStates or the World Assembly? Please Leave the Forum. NOW!!!

How is this even relevant to NationStates or the World Assembly? Please Leave the Forum. NOW!!!
OOC:
Please relax This is what's called "Role Playing", fantasy play, I noticed it says "Newbie" next to your nation name. It's a fictional war we have created here.

In Response to King David III:

We are concerned in this matter: as we know both the sufferage of an over-bearing government and of war in one's own home-land and we refuse to let others have to suffer through the same. The Free Nation of Ursava holds freedom in the highest regard and peace as a second. Two fleets of Ursavian vessels have been dispatched in order to protect any vessel containing foreign citizens fleeing the oncoming violence. Thank you for your concern but Edwards Street is not the only country in the world.


Admiral Antal Kozma stood on the bridge of his carrier while the two fleets, collectively named 'Stone Wall' for the duration of the operation, drifted near the coast of Ursava. The mountains and beaches which citizens normally enjoyed were barely visible in the distance but Antal knew that their current usage had undoubtedly dwindled given the situation and that they probably weren't bound to get much more business any time soon. Antal looked to his staff, seeing if a foreign ship might come over the radio requesting refuge (though he doubted it would come so soon) and then looked to the horizon as if daring anybody to come take on the hot-tempered Admiral.

OOC: If you want to join in defense of the WA, go right ahead, join the war, I will crush your country (evil laugh)

OOC: Yes, I'm against you.

IC:

"Go to silent running," ordered Captain Uri Greens. Following the orders of the Captain and Admiral, he had positioned the Seadog in front of the Task Force. Then came what appeared to be a acoustic contact, but then it faded. Uri wasn't going to take any chances, so he ordered his Akula to go to five-hundred feet and following standard stealth procedures. He wasn't going to load any tubes yet, as he didn't have a solid contact to lock onto. His Commander, beside him and gazing towards the sonar station, quietly watched with Uri as everything turned red and all lights went out. The Seadog moved to intercept the contact.

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Captain Rugo looked through some binoculars in the distance. The land was becoming visible, and the enemy fleet was but a spec on the horizon. He would have to calculate this in a coordinated manner to achieve a swift victory, if at all possible. He contacted the Captain of the Battleship Ulanga and they both agreed that an aggressive approach would more than likely add to their survival. So the Ulanga steamed ahead with support from the Guided-Missile Destroyer Harpoon, leaving the LHD in the hands of the Frigates and the single AKULA to veer off so as to avoid most long-range missiles.

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The F-35 was nearing the enemy fleet, so Drango made a quick pass at supersonic and assessed the fleet numbers before veering back towards the Carrier. Pictures were recorded, and they would be investigated by the Admiral upon return. So far everything seemed as if the enemy didn't suspect them to be on the attack. This was a good sign, considering the small fleet Drango was assigned to.

IC: King David the III:
"Our air bombing of World Assembly City shall temporarily cease for 24 hours to enable civilians to leave, but the ships must contain only civilians, any ships with WA "peacekeeper" forces will be immediately destroyed!" We reserve the right to stop any ship leaving the city, and inspect it for the presence of weapons or WA forces, any ship leaving that is found to contain weapons or forces, or refuses to stop ofr inspection will be considered an enemy ship and treated as such"

OOC: I feel like one of the many smaller, neutral countries during WWII. lol.

General Micheals: "Your Majesty!" An A-35 from Anagonia passed the carrier group Granite City, and our intelligence services have picked up chatter on communications systems, they are ready for an attack."
"Should have known"
(Air Force Commander Engelwood receives radio message from Edwards Street capital)
He immediately gets on carrier group radio channel, F-16 pilots, fleet is enemy fleet! Engage immediately! Repeat! Engage fleet immediately!"
Admiral Sarah Roberts radioes sub Freedom, release Ultra torpedoes at will on Anagonia fleet immediately!

High Sussexian Taskforce, World Assembly City:

The Lord Protector had arrived in person to inspect the force preparing to defend the city. About half the Sussexian troops were those serving on National Service. The rest were part of the highly trained and professional, albeit small, Army of the Protectorate.

They had only arrived a few hours ago, but they were already entrenhing themselves behind protective structures. The Lord Protector listened to Major-General Whetstone's plan.

"We're focussing our main defence on the beach. Unfortunately, its easy for troops to disembark so we expect limited success. We hope to slow them down on the beach and wear down their forces befor engaging them in the streets. We have snipers and ambushes set up throughout the city with a final Special Forces reserve outside the World Assembly building itself."

"What about air cover? I understand they have aircraft carriers with them."asked the Lord protector.

"We have two squadrons of Hellfire fighters standing by. We can't hope to gain air superiority but we hope to deny them the same. This battle will have to be won on the ground. We've got Javelin missile detachments protecting the airfields naturally, along with three companies of the HSAF Regiment. We also have the Hastings Paras on standby to deliver on the spot reinforcements."

"Do you think we can win?"

"At this stage it looks definitely posible. Even if we lose, they won't achieve anything. We completed the evacuation 12 hours ago. In the worst case the WA will still survive. Its our own men that I'm worried about. Sir."

"I understand, the last thing I want is for our boys and girls to get killed. But we can't risk standing by. We may be small but by George we'll play our part. I've already announced to Parliament that I take full responsibility for this. if the people hate us for this then I will take the blame. I'm quite prepared to face imprisonment over this. But rest assured, I've ensured that the provisions for the wounded and the families of the dead are adequate, more than that in fact. We will look after our own."

"Very good sir."

The Hellfires flew low above the ocean as they approached the enemy fleet. As they flew over their targets they released the smart torpedoes before climbing steeply prior to returnign to the city.

OOC: can we have more anti-WA nations on here? might make it more interesting.

OOC: oh we're the men from sussex/ sussex by the sea/ we plow and sow and reap and mow/ and useful men are we/ and when you go from sussex/ whoever you may be/ you may tell them all/ that we stand or fall/ for sussex by the sea

OOC:...wtf dude?

Communique from Heirosoloa;
'to whoever has the technology to receive this message'

We deem this war completely ridiculous, and therefore join in the defense of the WA. We hope that whatever idiot adviser suggested this war is promptly fired, and another election held for your leader. We will be sending defensive troops promptly.

As promised, Heirosoloan troops began arriving by various naval and aerial means soon after the message was released from a Heirosoloan naval patrol. Accompanying the troops was a small group of SAM batteries and Howitzers to deter enemy aircraft and troops from coming near the city. Quickly a base camp was set up near the beach, and infantry. SAM batteries quickly began readying themselves for the next enemy bombing raid, in hopes of destroying any enemy aircraft foolish enough to come into their range. Every now and then a UAV was launched to scan the enemy positions.

OOC: its the county song of sussex, where i live in RL

What was that? (Explosions from destroyers around the Granite City)
"They attacked, Commander Engelwood" says Admiral Roberts on the Granite City , looks like 3 destroyers hit" "To Hell with the airstirke moratorium!", let's give them everything we got" The F-16s, were busy shooting down the Hellfire planes, but they did their damage.
"Send in the B-52 bombers, overload them with GPS guided bombs, we'll show WA city, what we are made of"
Admiral Roberts: "I'll take the 2 destroyer groups closer to shore, and fire off the cruise misses on board, we'll show them "Hellfire"

OOC: Ah, I see. Why though? Also, I love how nobodies' citizens are getting cold-feet about what could potentially become WWIII.

OOC: it seemed appropriate, now excuse me

Admiral Roberts:
"Take the troop ships about 8 miles east of WA city, land on Sussex beach, unload the 100 tanks, and 2,000 Humvees there, and wait for the missile and bomb strike to be over, then launch artillery at the east side of WA city"

The cruise missiles were coming in fast. Swiftly the automated Billhook missiles tracked on to them and took them out.

"Fire the Exocets, lets see how they like that. And tell the infantry to expect the first wacve shortly."

"The cruise missiles were shot down, we underestimated the anti-aircraft capabilities of Sussex forces" Says Admiral Roberts "Wait, the B-52's have been successful, it appears, the bombs are landing with deadly accuracy, even though we are losing a good number of bombers"

OOC: Can WW3 wait until Monday, or can another nation take the role of anti-WA? I have to go, lol

The Sussexian troops dug in thorughout the city griited their teeth and waited out the bombardment. As the city was destroyed around them, they took comfort from the fact that the enemy would find the rubble strewn streets lethal obstacles.

Technocracy of Ascelonia Official Reply

We are shocked and appalled by this sudden invasion of WA Headquarters, but, nevertheless, we will remain neutral. The fighting will be monitored by Ascelonian satellites.

OOC: OK, could we wait until middayish on monday?

"Torpedo in the water, Bearing One-Two-Five!"

Uri gripped the handrail at the announcement, "Go to depth Six-Two-Five and head towards the source of launch."

The AKULA made a gentle dive, easily gaining six-hundred and twenty-five feet in depth. It had a slim chance that being on silent running, and considering the rotation of the gear produced no sound at the speed it was going, that the Seadog had not been detected. Although in the mind of the Captain, he knew that an AKULA class submarine produced enough acoustic noise to be detected by highly trained equipment, at the speed the submarine was going it was highly unlikely.

"Submarine Jester has gone to silent running, last known location bearing One-Two-Five!" A pause, "I hear counter-measures! Jester has launched Counter-Measures!"

"Damnit," Uri fumed. Now there was a high possibility that both submarines would be detected. And considering the Battleship Ulanga and the Destroyer were scattering to avoid the torpedoes, there was no doubt now that the fleet was in big trouble. "Load tubes five and six, prep for launch."

"Aye, Tubes Five and Six loaded," a few minutes later one of the servicemen called. "Tubes five and six flooded."

"Sonar, do we have a lock?" Uri gazed towards the Sonar Station.
"Negative, but we have best estimate."
The Captain sighed, "Open doors and launch, the Counter-Measures should mask them."

"Aye, launching tubes Five and Six. Torpedoes away!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Battleship Ulanga began turning broadside as its massive turrets swiveled to aim at the enemy fleet. It was well within range, and within moments all eighteen cannons were firing in unison. The blast wave rocked the ocean around, and underneath the two submarines struggled to maintain sonar capability. It then activated the AN/SLQ-25 NIXIE (http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ship/weaps/an-slq-25.htm) Anti-Torpedo Countermeasure to scramble the incoming Torpedoes, a tactic which proved useful in such circumstances.

The ARCHON-Class Destroyer continued forward, activating its countermeasures and launching its Anti-Ship missiles towards the enemy fleet. About sixteen missiles in all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

On board the LHD, five F-35's launched with Anti-Aircraft Missiles. Behind, the Frigates launched their Anti-Aircraft Missiles at the same time as the Battleship and Destroyer. Anti-Ship missiles were to follow next, followed by another launch of F-35's in the amount of three with Anti-Ship Missiles on board. The total amount of Anti-Ship missiles mounted to twenty-eight, followed by thirty-two Anti-Aircraft missiles.

OOC: Not sure what time zone you are in, I''l be back around 9 am central standard time (US)

OOC: Monday I have work, so be prepared for me to be posting every three days or so until next weekend. I'll wait though.

[OoC; I would much rather another anti-WA nation came into play.]

The SAM batteries Heirosoloa had left quickly began firing at the bombers as they went over the city, dotting the cities black sky with momentary flashes as the missiles exploded. Heirosoloan troops in the city began constructing crude barricades out of rubble in hopes that if there brethren on the beach failed to stop the enemies troops, they would be able to.

OOC: I'm on GMT, someone else might have to do the defence since I'm out most of tomorrow.

OOC: I'll continue for a while

Emperor Ironsaber stood at a podium addressing an audience of millions.
"People of Independent Ironmany. Although we have only been a nation for a short while, we have grown fast and strong. Now is the time to move forward. For too long have we grown in the shadows of the World Assembly. A day will come were they will try an assimilate any and all that oppose their domination and establish a new world order. We must stop that day from ever coming. Let us join Edwards Street in fighting off this juggernuat. Let The Holy Empire of Independent Ironmany rise, and destroy this threat once and for all. And there is only one way to achieve this...By Blood and Iron!

The Sussexian troops around the beach listened to the bombardment behind them and waited for their turn.

[OoC; I can push the defense as long as their is someone to attack it.]

OOC: Ok, at some point you may have to take over the Suusex troops. Consider them well trained well equipped professionals but relatively small in number of a british army style. I can still be on here for a while yet though.

Ironmany's fleet began moving towards the WA's headquarters. Commodore Jones stood at the bridge of The Kraken.
"40 miles until we reach the coast and within firing range."
Commodore Jones nodded grimly. "Good. As soon as we are within range, inform the Emperor. You know how he likes to be well-informed."
"Yessir"

[OoC; Alrighty then :]
Is there anything I need to know about them?]

No anarchy! Long Live the World Assembly

OOC: nothing really all present day type troops, about half are on compulsory national service and they're set up to slow them down on the beach, wear them down in the city with a final defence outside the WA building. Mobile helicopter transported rinforcements standing by, some aerial and anit-aircraft capability.

Now would the anit WA please hurry up?

"Commodore, we are within range."
"Good. Open up all batteries from the destroyers, and send out all fighters from the Carriers. It's time to get this party started.

F-15 soar over the city, dodging anti-aircrafts and engaging the helicopters first.
Transport ships head for the beaches, unloading some 7,000 troops.

As the transports near the beach, their numbers are thinned by fire from the defenders whilst mines also take their toll. Amidst the aerial battle, one Hellfire dives down and strafes the transports.

Calling for a halt in sending troops to shore, the destroyers aim for the beaches, hoping to hit the mines. Bombers fly over the shore, adding to the salvo. One-eight of the F-15s divert towards sea to engange the Hellfires.

Outnumbered, the Hellfires withdraw over the city. They start a series of harrasment attacks on the F-15s while the ground forces deny the enemy air superiority through use of anti-aircraft.

(Emperor Ironsaber secretly calls the commander of the WA forces to let him know Independent Ironmany will retire and hopes to resume some other time)

OOC: Ok, its 23:30 where I am. Good night. Someone else can take over the sussex forces. Don't let them get too badly mauled.

OOC: Sounds like you want World Fascism. Oh well. Prepare to die Edwards Street.

IC:
"Interesting," Kazyenko said, sprawled out on a couch in front of a TV. The room was entirely dark, save the flickery light coming from the TV and illuminating the Prime Minister's face. From somewhere in the darkness came a shuffling, beckoing a quick glance from Vladimir.
"Sir, how shall we act?"
The voice was regarding the TV, which showed live feeds of combat footage outside the WA Headquarters.
"Well, I'm not usually a proponent for the WA, but this requires action," Kazyenko replied, his eyes still fixed onto the screen. "Get FALKSAT on the line."

======

Well outside the Earth's atmoshpere, an A-2 Communications satellite realigned itself to cross immediately over the Edwardian siege of the WA headquarters below. As it flew past at well over supersonic speeds, it took numerous reconassiance photos and triangulated the position of the fleet. This data was then transmitted back to FALKSAT for analysis.

Upon reviewing the data, the conclusions and processions were passed along to command. It was General Iskev who recieved word of the attack, followed shortly after by a yellow envelope containing recon photos. He reviewed them, and determined the one riskless course of action was to fire the "Godsend (http://z10.invisionfree.com/Universal_Defense/index.php?showtopic=47)."

======

Miles above the surface of the earth, the massive "Godsend" Satellite stirred. Circuits that had never fired before were quickly put through their paces. Small jets of gas spurted out from the sides of the satellite, pivoting it into position. Soon, all was ready.

On a circuit board deep inside the missile, a little red light blinked. It blinked once, the first and last time it would ever do so. The light acted as a redundant safety system. A photo-electric sensor completely independent of all of the other systems on the missile picked up the light, and signaled to the main satellite that the missile had been armed.

If the satellite had been in the atmosphere, a series of pops would have been heard as explosive bolts engaged, disconnecting the collar that held the missile in place. Then, a second later, it fired. The missile sped at a speed many times that of sound toward a fleet of naval ships off the coast of the WA Headquqarters. Specifically, the "Godsend" Kinetic Strike round was heading towards a carrier, of which was as close to the middle of the fleet as possible. Even if it missed; which it wouldn't, the shockwave would be enough to vaporize the hull of every single ship within a 5 mile radius and send there pieces to the bottom.

OOC: Um... dude? Have you considered that the RP'ers in this thread would like to RP the invasion and fighting and all and not have the entire enemy destroyed by one player zooming in and using space weapons on it? Granted, there are possible defences... but...

OOC: Never considered that to be honest. Guess I was just to wrapped up in the excitement of finally being able to use my own custom weapons instead of watching other nations use them, lol.

[dramatic music and flashy graphics...]

Kendra Holloway: This is a Kenny News Alert. Good evening, everyone, I'm Kendra Holloway in Paradise City. President Fernanda spoke not to long ago, responding to what some piddling little country calling itself "Edwards Street" claimed was an attack on World Assembly Headquarters. Let's roll a clip from the president's remarks...

[begin clip]

Manuelo Fernanda: ...I'd like to congratulate the leaders of Edwards Street for their heroic assault last week on a building; surely it will go down in history as one of the most brilliant military campaigns ever executed. ...Wait, that's not "brilliant" at all! It's completely retarded! How is demolishing a building supposed to destroy an organization with 15,000 member states?! For fuck's sake, it was burning down the old building (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13572948&postcount=1) that led to the WA being established in the first place! I mean, come on! Do these idiots even think before they shoot?! And besides, there's only one reason we proposed (www.nswiki.net/index.php?title=World_Assembly_Headquarters) building a new HQ: to keep those crazy WA fuckers confined! The day those defenestrating (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11991966&postcount=200), nut-kicking (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13144641&postcount=199), terrorizing (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13336187&postcount=149), pie-throwing (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=14273959#post14273959), dictionary-warring (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14025094&postcount=85) psychopaths are once again allowed to roam the streets with law-abiding citizens is the day liberty dies! You know what? Fuck this! I need to go beat the shit out of something! Get the fuck out of my way!

[end clip]

Kendra Holloway: And that was the president, moments ago, from Frowning Street.

Secretary of State Sammy Faisano also reacted to the alleged assault on "World Assembly headquarters" today, saying that reports from Kennyite diplomats currently at the WA building indicate that there hasn't been an assault or any kind of unusual disturbance on the premises, and that the inmates there are still throwing things at each other, breaking chairs over each other's heads, and throwing each other out of the windows as usual. He added that he had never heard of this "World Assembly City," where the military incident is said to have occurred, and that as far as anyone in the WA is concerned, it doesn't even exist. "Which means we can carry on business as though nothing has happened," the secretary is quoted as saying.

And that was our weekly segment of "No, Seriously." We now return to news that actually matters...