NationStates Jolt Archive

Allanean Business Weekly

Foreign Money Pours into Central Prestonia

For years, many have considered Central Prestonia a lousy investment option for Allanean money. However, with the election of Prime Minister Freeman, things have begun to change. Now, Allanean and Confederate money is flowing into the nation by the billions of dollars.

First came Rangin Pharmaceuticals, which invested into several coca and hemp farms, ensuring a constant stream of high-quality Prestonian pharmaceutical and recreational drugs to its markets in San Nereiana. But it appears it will not end with them.

It turns out that Allanean Arms – Allanea's largest automotive producer – will be constructing a large production facility in Prestonia, to output 500,000 Firestorm trucks every year with the use of local labor. The company's key competitor – Hammond Motors, that actually has a better grip on the internal Allanean market – is rumored to be scouting for its own location in the newest member of the Confederacy of Sovereign States.

Joining the Confederacy has also been an economic boon for Central Prestonia in other ways. This morning, Alexander Kazansky has allocated seven billion dollar from the Confederate Budget for a massive advertisement campaign in Central Prestonia, recruiting men and women to serve in the Confederate Armed Forces. Several Prestonian advertising companies have been contacted already by the Fieldmarshal's office. Alexander Kazansky's press release stated, in part:

"This will be good for everybody. We get troops. The Prestonians who volunteer will get good pay, and when they go back home, they'll be well-trained, ferocious military veterans, skilled in the use of their weapons. I am sure that will serve to enhance Prestonia's domestic security in the case of a communist or racist invasion. Mind, in that case, any invading vermin will have to deal with both the CSS and the USA – and I assure you, you just don't fuck with the US of A."

Whether or not that is true, there is lots of money going into Central Prestonia lately, and we at the Business Weekly suspect there'll soon be more money – which in turn means the price of all Prestonian stock will go up.

While the Business Weekly is not a stock advisor, we note that it may be a very, very good idea to beat the rush and invest in the Prestonian market now.

Getting into bed with the enemy?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/madnukedude/1226063681213.gif
A more economically powerful Prestonia has been identified as a threat to the bordering Clandonian colony

From the Warminster City Times
Editorial Section

If you enquire at the Foreign Office's Future Threats Desk the biggest single threat to both the Crown an Royal Georgian League is a challenge to the regional hegemony on both Clandonian and League naval power. Through the extensive distribution of naval bases, fleets and taskforces Clandonia and her League allies can protect their vital economic interests and the crucial sea lines of communications in such key areas as the Strobovian Strait and the Hallad Strait. Allanea and several other powers have been unhappy at the creation of a unipolar power base in the region and have sort to arm enemies of Clandonia in the past. Prestonia has openly displayed aggression to Clandonian South Haven, a small colony mainly tailored to the fruits of the empire, mining, oil and gas exploration. Such raw ingredients essential to churn out finished goods in the factories Home Country. While the interests are of the Prestonians and their desire for black communism to overwelm and remove Clandonian presence in the South the government of Sistilin has stepped into and ensure that the same policy behind 'Fortress Tristan' is copied in South Haven. A large deployment of warships, sizeable helicopter attack forces and mobile fast defence forces for the army combined with a reliance on shear man power of the compulsory reserve force for all subjects of the Crown in its dependency.

A more economically prosperous Prestonia would then pose a threat to this balance, the same factories that the Allaneans are building now for automobiles can quickly be turned into output productions for tanks, artillery and armour. Allanean recruiters have been playing on the minds of the poverty stricken Prestonians recruiting them in their war fighting machine, thus turning a population into a massive threat to the small Clandonian army deployment there. Allanean belligerence is not unknown and these latest moves will both unsettle and anger Ministers and senior civil servants in Whitehall over the coming weeks.


Sir Anthony Winston

Former Secretary of State for Colonial Affairs and now CEO of Morgan-Evans Shipping Ltd.

Clandonians: Just How Stupid Are They?

By Christian Santiago

We've known for some time that Clandonians aren't the brightest of people, but really now, just how stupid can they get?

Let me elaborate: as most who follow PBG or the the business world know, Allanea has recently started investing heavily in the Prestonian economy, adding it's name to the roll of such illustrious economic powerhouses as Hamptonshire and Cravan who have taken up investment in the economically libertarian Kingdom of late. As anyone with their head not stuck in the sand will tell you, the Allanean firms in Prestonia are car companies and pharmaceuticals firms.

Somehow though, the Clandonians didn't get the memo. An editorial from Warminster's paper (which I was quite honestly surprised to read, being under the assumption that most Clandonians were illiterate), written by an ex-diplomat no less, accuses Prestonia of plotting against Clandonian South Haven. Now, we've heard this tripe a million times in the past year or so; Sistilin seems to think that a pacifist black PM with essentially the same economic views as him is a threat, despite the fact that throughout the standoff of last year no violations of Clandonian territory ever occurred.

Still, the level of ignorance in Clandonia regarding Prestonian stances on CSH is appalling. It would seem as if, for all Sistilin's banter about the evils of Prestonian racial equality, that the SIS hasn't even bothered to examine YouTube videos of Freeman's speeches much less conduct an in-depth espionage operation on Prestonian assets and capabilities as one might expect. I would be surprised, but then again these are Clandonians we're discussing.

Then, we come to the matter of Clandonians apparently thinking that somehow Prestonia is a tinpot third world nation, whose people are "poverty-stricken." Now, I won't sit here and claim that our economy rivals that of, say, Willink but seriously now, with a GDPPC of P£12,700 (USD44,100) I would hardly classify Prestonia as third-world. Once again, the Clandonians demonstrate their ignorance.

So, back to the question posed in the title: just how stupid are Clandonians? Well, I honestly don't think we'll ever know for sure folks, as it appears every time we try and make a judgment, they outdo themselves.

Christian Santiago is a columnist for the Exeter Herald and guest writer for PBG News

© 2008 Prestonian Broadcasting Group. www.pbg.co.pr/opinion/guesteditorial/christiansantiago.htm

A random letter to the Editor of the Exeter Herald from an Allanean reader

Dear Sir!

I have read the recent commentary by Mr. Santiago on the Clandonian situation. I suspect that the Clandonians understand fully that the automotive factories that are being built are just that – automotive factories. However, I suspect that given the record of the Clandonian military, even a basic family car, mounted with a pair of anti-tank weapons, is a serious threat for Clandonian tankers. Besides, they are clearly afraid of the Prestonian car mechanics that staff these factories.

The Clandonians are not ignorant – they ar just stupid, cowardly, and xenophobic – in the old sense, meaning 'fear of the foreign'. They really perceive Allanea's automobile industry and Prestonia's car mechanics as a genuine strategic threat to their supposed 'dominance'.

Imagine how' they'd react to actual troops.

Sincerely your,

Joe McRider, Western Axackal.

San Nereiana, Joint Infantry Training Facility One

The Allanean government is known to be rather small. In Allanea, there is no Department of Transportation, Health and Human Service, or, to that matter, Agriculture. And yet, despite the usual stereotype, the Allanean government is in fact simply huge. The trick is simply that about three quarters of its budget does not affect the life of the average Allanean in any way, shape, or form. That's because 75% of the Allanean Federal Budget is devoted to the United States Armed Forces. Now, with some Confederate money rolling in, too, the Allanean government could afford to build some truly impressive facilities.

JITF-1 was one of those truly impressive facilities. Comprised of 8,100 square kilometers of land in San Nereiana, the place was prepared to accept literally hundreds of thousands of future infantrymen. It had rifle shooting ranges, driving facilities and 'kill-houses', as well as hundreds of square kilometers of desert for survival training and exercises, as well as other facilities to numerous to mention. Even now, it was accepting its first batch of recruits.

Senior Sergeant Ferdinand J. Kilpatrick was the first man to see them – a ragged mix of Wagdians, Vizionarians, Prestonians and yet others that he could not identify. Many were far too old, to his taste, to begin military training – why, some were as old as twenty. He'd much, much prefer working with sixteen-year-old Allaneans from Western Axackal, who've been in the Scouts or at least knew how to work a rifle.

He paced in front of the line – young men, barely a week in the Confederate forces, not comfortable in a uniform yet, sweating in the blazing San Nereiana sun. Oh Lord. This is going to be hard.

Behind him stood several old shipping containers, festooned with air conditioners on the outside, as well as Confederate and Allanean flags, propaganda posters and portraits of Alexander Kazansky. Soon, these people were going to live in them, ten men to a shipping container.

But he needed to have a talk with them, first.

“Listen up, maggots!

Let's get introduced to each other! I am Senior Sergeant Ferdinand Kilpatrick! You spell that G-O-D! You, however, are maggots! You are scum of the fucking earth! You are subhuman vermin! You never call me by my name! You call me SIR! YOU UNDERSTAND ME MAGGOT?!” - he yelled at a random young man, looking vaguely like a Prestonian.

“Uh, yes.” - the man replied.

“THIS IS THE WRONG ANSWER!”

“Yes, sir.”

“Very well, boy. I see you can learn. NOW count one!”

“Eh... what, Sir?”

Kilpatrick shook his head. This was going to be a long day.

“Okay, you maggots! You all listen to me! This will be the first lesson you learn from me! This is count one!”

He dropped to the ground, pushing himself up on his arms – held straight.

“THIS IS COUNT ONE! When I tell you to count one, you do this! MAGGOT! COUNT ONE!”

The infantryman dropped.

“Now, when I tell you – and ONLY WHEN I TELL YOU – you drop to count two!” - Kilpatrick dropped to a position where his arms were half-bent, his chest still not touching the ground. “THIS IS COUNT TWO! MAGGOT, COUNT TWO! Now, COUNT ONE! COUNT TWO! COUNT ONE!”

The Sergeant got up in a single, rapid motion. “Now, listen up! ALL OF YOU! When you sign up to the military, you give up your freedom!You accept iron discipline! You accept my boot in your fucking ass! But signing up for the military doesn't mean you're a soldier! It means you're a meat! You have all the responsibilities of a soldier, but until you're done learning – until you're through this course – you're all motherfucking meats! You deserve none of the respect that is due to soldiers, because you just haven't fucking earned it yet! YOU ARE NOT PEOPLE! YOU ARE MEAT! YOUR ASS BELONGS TO ME DO YOU UNDERSTAND? SOUND OFF!”

“YES, SIR!” - the multinational platoon barked at once. At least it was loud. Sort off.

“THAT'S A START!” - Kilpatrick replied. “Now, the Fieldmarshal of Allanea -” - he pointed to the nearest Kazansky portrait - “wants me to do my level best to bring you as close as I can to the level of REAL Freemen soldiers! Yes, I have only six months to train you and not nine, and you're nothing like real Allaneans, but I'll do my fucking best! And this means so should you! Because the General Secretary wants you to become soldiers, and this means you WILL, by the Grace of God, become soldiers! Are we clear?”

“SIR YES SIR!”

“Now I will be fair! I will not discriminate against Prestonoids! Or Vaulters! Or Wag-dog-suckers! Or whoever! YOU ARE ALL EQUALLY WORTHLESS! YOU ARE SCUM! “We are scum, Sir!”

“WE ARE SCUM, SIR!”

“THAT'S A FUCKING START! NOW, ALL OF YOU! COUNT ONE!”

Ten days later

“Keep digging! What the fuck are you doing there? You're not digging up your whore mom's garden! You're digging a fucking anti-tank ditch! Imagine that there are Communist tanks coming here in four hours! It has to be fucking ready! If you work like that to protect your stupid country, the fucking commies will be fucking your sister by the time you're done digging! Come on! Come on! Go! Go! Go!”

It was really goddamn hot – something like thirty-five Celcius – and the heat advisory said no outdoor exercises longer than two hours. Still, the men were driven to the Allanean-Cotlandi border, and were now digging furiously in the desert sand. There was always a need in maintaining the anti-tank ditches, and the troops needed training in the use of the Mark One Sapper Shovel. The response, of course, was clear. Bring people in to dig for two hours, then bring in a new batch of people.

The life of the trainees was always hard – they learned or worked as hard as the Army could drive them for ten hours a day, and slept for this. Still, there was rest and entertainment, and good food. Sure, the entertainment was movies like Battle Royale or Red Dawn, chosen to be as violent as the Allaneans could find, to desensitize the foreign troops to violence – and interlaced with some really patriotic Allanean war movies, to increase the popularity of their 'Big Ally' and its leader, Alexander Kazansky.

Day 15

“Okay, maggots!” - the Allanean sergeant barked - “You have been trained in the basic use of your rifle. You've learned basic – really fucking basic – close quarters combat. This DOES NOT make you fucking soldiers! You're still meats! You have a lot to learn! And one of the things you need to learn is GUARD DUTY! For the next three days, you will guard your own camp! There will be five guard positions. You will guard them in couples, in two-to-four shifts. It will be hard. You will want to sleep, or to pretend to be sick to skip out. If you sleep on guard duty, I will PERSONALLY KICK YOUR ASS. If you skip out of guard duty, it will mean your friends will sleep even less. I am sure they will love that.”

Day 30

“Come on! Don't stop, you fucking wimps! Don't you fucking dare quit on me! THE FIELDMARSHAL ACCEPTS NO SURRENDER! What are you, Blackhelmian? Get the fuck up! You have just ten more miles left! Why are you whining? Go! Go! It's not even hot! It's twenty Celsius! Go! Go! Are you even a human fucking being or are you a Communist? GET THE FUCK UP! GO! GO!”

Day 91

“Come on, bitches! Come on! That's a fucking bayonet! That's not a fucking pogo stick! STAB! SLASH! KILL! If you do that in combat, they're going to SHOVE THE FUCKING RIFLE UP YOUR ASS! COME ON! STAB! SLASH! KILL! STAB! SLASH! KILL!”

Kilpatrick looked annoyed, but he was actually quite pleased. The foreign troops were advancing nicely. Their muscles have begun to show. The violence-desensitization program had worked well, and the propaganda had begun to sink in.

“Come on! HIT THEM WITH THE BAYONET, SMASH THEM WITH THE STOCK! KILL! KILL! Come on! IMAGINE THESE ARE RACISTS! STAB! KILL!”


Day 181

There were now assembled on the same square on which he first met them, on Day One.

But it was all different. Their uniforms were perfectly clean Confederate parade dress. They held rifles now, carrying them at port-arms, bayonets gleaming in the sunlight. Their shoes were perfectly clean, and each man was perfectly shaved. Their muscles had grown now, and the camp diet, rich and laced with steroids and artificial hormones, probably had something to do with it. Their eyes now had a certain cold glint to them. No, they weren't Allanean Mechanized Infantry and could never be – but if they got into combat, Sergeant Kilpatrick didn't want to be facing them.

He spoke, and now his tone was different from what it was on Day One. Solemn, perhaps. More respectful.

“Men!

Today is a great day.

Today, you are no longer maggots. You are soldiers. You are men.

In this course, you learned many things. You learned to shoot, to fight with a knife and bayonet, to beat people to death with your rifle and to squeeze the life from them with your bare hands. You learned to pitch a tent, to give first aid, to build a fortified position and to face a tank offensive. Some of you learned special skills – to use an AGL, to drive a vehicle, to command a small detachment. That is all well and good.

But you learned something more important.

You learned about discipline. You learned about persevering in the face of hardship. You learned about going on, no matter how hard it was, and about never surrendering. You've learned about loyalty – to your friends, to the Confederacy, to Kazansky.

You will now go on to your duties on the hundreds of posts that the Confederacy and General-Secretary Kazansky need you on. You will bring there your discipline, your strength, your loyalty and your honor. And then you will be done with your service, and go home to your nation. I have insulted your nations – all of them – through this course – but really, your nations are almost as great as Allanea, each in their own way. You will go home to beautiful Prestonia, to glorious New California, to ViZion and Wagdog and so forth, and your nation will become the richer for having men like you in the ranks of its citizens and its troops. And if your nation is ever invaded by an enemy, you are going to be among the first to go up against him, and kick his bloody ass, too.”

“I hope that as you go on in your lives - as soldiers of the General-Secretary, as citizens of your nations, as men and women – you will remember me as not just the man that drove you as hard as he could for six months, but also as the man who gave half a year of his life so you could have that discipline, that strength, that loyalty and that honor.”

“I worked hard for that, and so did you. Thank you. God bless you all.”

“And may God continue to bless Allanea.”

http://www.freewebs.com/vault_10/Tower4b.jpg
The mile-high Penis Hall, seen in the background, dominates the Northampton skyline.



GNAVT completes Penis Hall construction in Central Prestonia



http://www.freewebs.com/vault_10/gnavt.png

S Y N E R G Y - T H R O U G H - S O D O M Y


The Gay Niggеr Association of Vault Ten is happy to announce today a massive opening ceremony in Northampton, celebrating the completion of the Penis Hall.

Following the generous gift by Alexander Kazansky a year ago, Northampton has been filled with buzz about this previously unannounced black project. Over 20,000 black workers from all black parts of the world and hundreds of latest Vault-Tec heavy construction machines were working to complete the project in the shortest time possible, which just yesterday ended with great success.


Rising over a nautical mile into the sky, the tower is so tall that one can see the entire Central Prestonia and Clandonian South Haven from the observation deck - and the people down there, in return, are able to see the tower. The antennas at the spire will also supply the surroundings with high-power, direct, high-definition broadcasts of all 780 GNAVT's black and gay oriented channels, including live video from the Dome.

Built to look like a penis of gigantic proportions, Penis Hall is the largest GNAVT building in the world, comprising 550 aboveground floors. Apart from dozens of small and large gay clubs, rap and jazz recording studios, music clubs, and other essential Gay Niggеr facilities, the tower will include a unique feature. In the dome on the top, there is the immense Black Theater, which will run classical Nigerian Opera and Ballet on Mondays and Tuesdays, Nigerian historical reenactments on Wednesdays, and Nigerian Dramas on Thursdays. On weekends, it will be converted into a massive stadium, and host traditional Nigerian sports and Basketball competitions.

Just an enormous building being not enough, a beautiful park has been built around the tower. Together with some of the tower's levels, it will house the first Gay Zoo in Prestonia, which will shelter and display gay animals of all known species, as well as some unique specimen like black sheep. Adding more entertainment value to the Zoo, all visitors will be able to enjoy luxurious Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Rides (http://www.freewebs.com/vault_10/gayman2.png) from Big Al's Cruises, educating them about the history of homosexuality and gay life, from dinosaurs to our days, and its advantages.
To help make these exhibitions available to everyone, aerial and bus services will connect the Homopark to the nearby territory of Clandonian South Haven. In a gesture of generosity, Alex will pay in full for all Clandonian visitors, so they'll be able to enjoy all exhibitions and boat rides (http://www.freewebs.com/vault_10/gayman2.png) for free.



The unique tower's construction was made possible by revolutionary new materials, jointly developed by best Allanean and Vault Ten scientists. A durable and flexible high-yield steel frame is glazed entirely with aluminium oxynitride reinforced polymer composite, resulting in a structure that is stiff yet unbreakable, like an erect penis. According to Chief Engineer Ndegwa Dawodu, the tower is able to withstand not only earthquakes and plane hits, but even an indirect nuclear blast.
Additionally, thanks to the use of only non-combustible materials in its construction, and an internal firefighting system, the tower is perfectly safe from fires. The tower's interior is pressurized with filtered air, always ensuring perfect internal conditions in any circumstances. Concealed GNAVT's proprietary defensive systems have been also placed within and around the tower for maximum security.

The all-time most expensive project in Prestonia, 34 billion bottle caps have been spent on building the Penis Hall, of which half has been kindly donated by Alexander Kazansky.
Not only size and safety, but also the environment have been addressed in this megaproject. The tower will have a zero carbon footprint, energy needs provided entirely by Gay Power, and will be able to supply Northampton with additional clean electricity. In every single aspect, Penis Hall boldly thrusts where no man has gone before.



At a conference held yesterday, the representatives from Liberty Times have complimented the tower's brilliance, ingenuity and enormousness. The Culture Supplement has printed a four-page special on it, compassionately calling Penis Hall "The gayest thing we've ever seen." Stressing the enormous importance of the project for the worldwide gay community, GNAVT President Gary Niger expressed the confidence that, as he put it, "In less than two decades, I'm sure of it, at least half the people around the Penis Hall will get in touch with their inner gay side."

Just a moment ago, Gary Niger and Florian Deltgen, the Confederate Special Secretary, have finished discussing the detail of the ceremony in their private bedroom, located within the spire. Today, at 2300 Prestonian time, they'll be cutting the red tape together, locked in a manly embrace, after which the mortars on top of the tower will launch millions of fireworks, soaking the Northampton and the entire continent in all colors of the rainbow.



As just 2 hours remain until the glorious ceremony that will bring new gay times to the region, we are waiting eagerly to inform you of all future developments. Stay tuned to GNAVT News, and, if you live in Central Prestonia or Clandonian South Haven, come to the opening today - everyone's invited!






About GNAVT
GNAVT leverages core skillsets and world-class team synergy through sodomy to provide clients worldwide with robust, scalable, modern turnkey implementations of flexible, personalized, cutting-edge business application product suite solution architectures that accelerate response to customer and real-world market demands and reliably adapt to evolving technology needs, seamlessly and efficiently integrating and synchronizing with their existing legacy infrastructure, enhancing the readiness capabilities of their commerce production environments across the enterprise while giving them a critical competitive advantage and taking them to the next level.

OOC: Um, what? V10 with all due respect I highly doubt the Northampton City Council would rubber-stamp a mile-high giant dick to say nothing of how such a structure could possibly be built...

OOC: Um, what? V10 with all due respect I highly doubt the Northampton City Council would rubber-stamp a mile-high giant dick to say nothing of how such a structure could possibly be built...
OOC: We had a problem finding a suitable city, and you weren't online. Tell me if there's any that could and I'll edit the post. (In PM or VM as not to clot the thread).

OOC: Telegram for Preston.