NationStates Jolt Archive

OOC: Ok so this is my first idea for a combat Rp thing, so please, please don't bite my head off.

IC:
<Near Battlehawks nortahn borders>
The air was blasted as a squadron of 8 F28 Talons blasted over the landscape.
"Talon lead to T-Talon1, lead your trainies into the montains, i want to test you manovourabily and reactions" Flt Lt Thomas Munro ordered as he watched the Trainies do their job.
The trainies didn't realsise they were slipping closer and closer to another nations airspce...

OOC: Good storyline. Could we pretend the airspace they are entering is Daraner? Just asking.

OOC: Yea sure, and then any other action could slip into another to allow others to join

"Right, my comrades, we have enemy aircraft.." spoke D.K.
"Attack?" asked Air 6 through the headset.
"Now."

*

The C-33 MiGs were flying towards the Battlehawk aircraft, eager to destroy it.

"Oh shit" Thomas excalimed as he saw this on his rader "ALL TALONS PULL AWAY REPEAT URGENT, PULL AWAY"
The Talons began to scatter
"C-33's please abort your attack, we are planes from the Battlehawk Air Force on a training mission please stand down" Thomas requested

"Death to the infidels!" shouted C-33 Captain N.T.
"FOR CHRIST!" replied his fellow pilots.

To: Battlehawk Air Force.
From: Daranen Emergency Air Traffic Control Centre (DEATCC).
Item: Attack from C-33.

We are informing you that terrorist network C-33 have attacked a squad of Battlehawk Air Force's planes on a trianing mission. We are currently launching J-26s to counter them, but that will take 30 minutes to prepare.

DEATCC.

Thomas sped his Talon into the C-33's destroying at least one

To: DEARCC
From BAF

We are launching Talons, any assist will be appreaciated

BAF

"Holy shit." gasped one of C-33 pilots as one of the enemies crashed into their captain. They split up and started chasing the others, swiftly. They were coming close...

Thomas slowly dropped to the ground his parachute billwoing above him
The training Talons wheeled round manageing to engage to others

The MiGs started firing missles and attempt to move behind the Battlehawk Air Force planes.

OOC: Don't get me wrong, this is a good first attempt. Drew in one nation, which is more than I can say about my first RP attempt :P. However, it is far from a plot hooker, or even a "good" storyline. Good, exciting RP just does not develop off of a few lines that state almost nothing.

Some tips I have:
1. Add some background to your story. Why are they training? What are they training for? How did they veer off towards another nation's territory? All five "W"s and the H need to be answered to make an effective RP.

2. Try to post more than a few lines unless it is absolutely necessary to the plot or you do not have enough information.

3. Check out some of the RPs on II for a basic idea of what a quality written one looks like.

Nevertheless, I must commend you on this relatively good attempt for a first-timer.

OOC: I have no idea about military aircraft, I just chose MiGs because I don't now any other aircraft, execpt the Boeing 747 and the MiG!

IC:
"Back up, comrades." requested the MiGs fighting the Battlehawk Air Force planes.
"Understood." replied Commander Joker, then giving the order for five more MiG-15s to be sent up to combat, then for the recording.

"Mr President" Security of State Tereasa green siad as she stepped into the room "Our new pilots training program flight has been attacked, their rookies sir, they can't fight off these people. and their leader has been shot down behind enemy lines"
"Launch all fighters in teh area"

The MiGs looked like they were overpowering the Battlehawk Airforce planes, and the reinforcements were driving the Battlehawkians to their last straw.

OOC: Can I shoot them down? I don't want to godmod.

OOC: Down but not killed

<BATTLEHAWK COMMAND CENTRE>

"T-Talon 3 is going down"
"T-Talon 4 is down"
"T-Talon 5 is ejecting"
"T-Talon 6 is punching out"
"T-Talon 7 is losing control"

"MY GOD, they're all down" General Greg Cambell said shocked

The C-33 pilots smiled with delight. The infidels were dead, and the stolen DMAF-600 Bomber could had clearence for the bombing on the Presidental Mansion..

OOC: Forgive me, but these terrorists are smart; no malls, just get straight in and kill the President. I'd think your airforce will destroy before they bomb, but you never know...

"Mr President a bomber is heading streight for us" Tereasa said calmly
"Oh really?" Daniel asked
"Indeed"
"Oh good"

Ten minutes later (Or longer or whatever)

The DMAF-600 unleashed its payload on teh PM

Ten Minutes after that.

"Oh thank you C-33, that saves us pulling it down ourselves" Daniel commented on Battlehawk TV from the Secret Presidential Complex, Oh yea, by the way, prepare to be exterminated"

OOC: Weren't our ambassdors meeting there? Or I am mistaken?

OOC: If the President escaped, so did they cause tehy were with him, we'll have to write that into the State dinner

OOC: Ok.

IC:
After several flaws, it was DMAF-77 Fighters being launched from Daranen. They were only used whenever International Security was at risk, and it was now, especially considering Ambassdor Susan Walker was located in the Presidental Mansion.

"Approaching Hostile 1."
"You know the drill. Drag that thing into international waters and blow it up."
"Yes sir."

The Battlehawk Releif SquardronS soared into the area and armed their weapons

The MiGs had retreated for some reason unknown to DMAF, and they were forcing the bomber into international waters.
The newly installed 'Pavlov' Heat-Seeking Missle 5 could blow up one DMAF600Bomber with 1 hit, unlike the last in the line. One of the planes fired it and it narrowly missed the thing, but it blew up near it, damaging it slightly. They continued firing at it. The Pavlov was useless.

The Battlehawk SquadronS patroled the area

Btw, how long does the training course last?
.
Pilots and ground forces...
For pilots, basic flight and survival
For ground forces, basic knowledge and practice
Can boot camp be ignored and just the basic tehnical soldering stuff
such as militia?

OOC: What on God's Green Earth does 'btw' mean? Be the world?

IC:
"God, damnit Franks!"

General Shepard hated misses.

OOC: I think it means By the Way. And What exactly are youa sking?

The Battelhawk fighters followed the Daranen fighters

OOC: We are trying to sink the stolen DMAF600 Bomber, which was left to stand alone after the MiGs retreated.

IC:
"Battlehawk Airforce, this is Squad Delta Seven Sixteen of Daranen Military Airforce attempting to communicate. Over."

How long does it take to train a newbie to some skill?
Pilot or ground forces...

"This is Wing Commander Gutsy of the DAF, having some trouble? Over"

OOC: Pilot.

IC:

"Yeah, some serious trouble over here, The hostile managed to blow up the PM, mate. Mind helping us? I'll pay." The crew captain offered, remarking with 'I'll pay' to 'I'll pay for a round at the pub'.

OOC: Depends what organisation

IC:

"Sure happy to help" Gutsy said as the Battlehawks surronded the bomber

"Thanks. Blow the thing up whenever you please."
He wasn't going to risk another miss with the prototype Pavlovs. Shepard would hang him and cannibalise him.
Probably.

The Battlehawk squadron did it the old fasioned way and blasted it with reliable rockets and cannon fire

As the DMAF600 Bomber exploded, the explosion hit young Pvt. Ryan Newman's plane, taking him down with it as the right wing of his plane exploded.
"Shit."
"HQ, we request that immediate action be taken after Sputnik was shot, I repeat, we request that immediate action be taken after Sputnik was shot."

"Well, You did it. Which pub?"

"Theres a good one in Hells Gate city" Gutsy commented

A round of laughs came out of the DMAF planes'.

"Well, that's the first time I was awakened out of my peaceful sleep to end being the first testing a prototype Pavlov on a stolen aircraft by a terrorist organization we had only faintly heard of." joked DMAF.

"How did your superiours take the failure?" Gutsy asked as teh BAF lads s******ed

Ooc: S n i g g e r ed

"Well, General Shepard looks like he will kill me and suck my blood in a dark corner in 3 hours so.." he joked. "They were really OK with it."

"Better get some beer down you tehn" Gutsy commented as they soared backalong the battlehawk/Daranean border

"Agreed!" laughed DMAf. "At least my last few seconds I will think I am Stephen the Horse!"
He was clearly going to end up on stage.
Hopefully.

"We are cleared to land at FOB Thomopson" Gutsy commetned

"OK. Landing squence commencing."

OOC: The end, I take it?

OOC: yep, we'll do the aftermath in the other thread