NationStates Jolt Archive

Good morning fellow world leaders. This is a desperate call for help. I leader of Disco Avenue have just been informed that there is no more condoms left in our land. The well educated and free spirited individuals who populate our land have used them all up. We ask You, fellow leaders, to help us in this time of great hardship. All help will be greatly appreciated. Please send condoms of all size, shapes and tastes as our population is very open minded. Special thanks will be given to whoever sends condoms from the following categories: Ridged, Flavored, with spermicide, Black, Those condoms with an extention at the end to make my penis look bigger, EXTRA LARGE, extra small, Lambskin (for our latex allergic population) and last but not least Polyurethane(as mush of our population is also vegan and against animal cruelty and we wish to provide efficient ways of contraception to everyone). Please note we will not accept any female condoms(as they are simply disturbing). Any country sending us these female condoms will be concidered hostile and will be dealt with accordingly(with alot of peacefull protesting).

Send all available stocks to:

Dept. of Homeland Sexuality
54 Studio dr.
Disco Avenue, Province of Late70s
H0T 1R6

...

i would report this if it wasn't so dang funny.

oh my

a crisis indeed

Lol

You're better off without them. At least now you have an excuse.

This is, quite possibly, the best absurdity I have seen in some months on this website.

The Republic of Parilisa will send you all the condoms you want if you send us all the beautiful women we need. Do we have a deal?

lol

wtf...

IN the Ministry of Agriculture, the Minister sat in his office, blowing at plumes of the bitter rich aroma of his favorite legal narcotic, marijuana. 'Silent' Bob Greenthumb smoked it copiously, especially today.

There was a joke amongst the Federal Executive Council that he had absolutely no idea that he was even a Minister, and that the fact he could grow weed in a concrete crack was the only real reason that he recieved the position.

It was only half true. While most narcotics were perfectly legal in the liberal atmosphere of Tersanctus, he knew he was a minister, he just wasnt entirely certain what he was minister OF half the time, this allowed the other ministers to drop cases they didnt want to deal with on his lap, and play several practical jokes on him as well.

So when the foreign minister, Shijin Kotomari recieved the 'condom crisis' manila on his desk, he looked upwards to the right, then immediately pushed his intercom, stating that Minister Greenthumb had a new assignment.

'Silent' Bob read over the manila with intense red eyes, his face mocking that of a surprised person. He immediately wrote a note to his secretary that he would need a Freighter and a lot of aides to hit every drugstore in Tersanctus.

Three days later, a freighter ship was loaded with every possible prophylactic on the market, and a heavy expense report was to be returned to Shijin Kotomari as Minister Greenthumb embarked on his way to the nation of Disco Avenue.

From the office of Third Spanish States' King of the pimps

The King of the pimps, the(equally old) and now economically, socially and sexually successful founder of one of the oldest and most successful institutions of the Confederacy of Third Spanish States, the nightclub franchise "House of Sodom", Don Fokker Vanugler Azhell, sympathizes with the plight of the sexually liberal people of the Disco Avenue, not unlike our own people, and offers not only to establish a new franchise of nightclubs in your country, but also to ship as much of all types of condoms you would require. We shall ship off Polyurethane condoms, and extra-large black condoms as you wish, sponsored by Titex, the cooperative which manufactures the best condoms of the Confederacy.


http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/7/78/Popeye.jpg
This is Don Fokker Vanugler Azhell, he knows his business

[OOC: Hahaha, this is one hell of a weird thread. CTSS, that picture is always funny.]

Over night thousands of condoms were dropped by aircraft upon Disco Avenue, in a last ditch effort to liberate the people and prevent the conception of unwanted children. At the same times crates of the little and large rubber things were loaded into docks along the cost. The Parilisan Air force and Navy were hard at work trying to save the people of Disco Avenue from this awful crisis, no matter what the cost.

All you need is waiting for you in my nation!

ooc: Maybe some of you guys should check out the Liberal League thread...you all seem prtetty, err, laid back....

Slinet Bob waited for the customs department to confirm his diplomatic status, and they were in shock that the carrgo was literally thousands upon thousands of shopping bags in the freighter. When the Customs agent gave him a weird look, Silent Bob shrugged.

The cargo was unloaded onto an eighteen wheeler, and shipped off to the Dpeartment of Homeland Sexuality, as Bob suddenly realized that he was the Minister of Agriculture.

Shijin would find his drink laced with something when he got back....

Indecline extends it's full support to The People's Republic of Disco Avenue in it's time of crises. The public of Indecline has taken an active interest in the sexual health of your citizens, and donations have been pouring in from all corners of the Mind States.

All contributions will be boxed and shipped to Disco Avenue on a daily basis until contraceptive levels normalize in you nation. Our current count has us at 33,742 contraceptives ready to be shipped, although they have not yet been sorted into the categories you have listed above. We hope that this helps for now.

The government of Indecline pledges further aid packages over the days and weeks to come, depending on the scope of need.

Salutations Brothers and Sisters of the International Community!

I come before you today to note a great occurrence of magnificent proportions! A state of unfettered natural selection shall soon bee seen within the nation of Disco Avenue! This is a rare instance where we may observe the true path of evolution through a modern society without adjustments for sexual protection. Though many may decry this event, the so-called "Condocalypse" the papers have been screaming about, a tragedy, I can assure you that no greater social incident will likely occur in this nation for some time.

In nature, reproduction proceeds at the natural rate determined by the various relationship and mating patterns of the species in question. Therefore, the reproductive rate is generally nearly the max rate which can be sustained given the resources at hand. The main restriction on population is from the natural selection of young offspring, turning a litter of six into two or three powerful individuals for the purpose of prolonging the race. Reproduction, therefore, is merely for the purpose of creating as many chances as possible to ensure the survival of the species.

However, modern man has developed methods to ensure that various "encounters" may occur without the conception of an additional organism. Instead, man puts emphasis on a single individual or a small group of individuals for a time, developing each individual to their utmost before releasing them into the world. This results in a very low force of natural selection, where the major population control is in social and economic control of the birth rate. However, by removing one of the technological limits placed on man's birth rate, we may see what our society can produce. The products of this incident will be forced to compete in a vastly more competetive marketplace. Schools shall be harder to obtain, food and shelter more expensive, basic necessities in shorter supply. Those smart and strong enough to endure these conditions and find a mate shall pass these traits, along with their superior social knowledge, to their offspring.

Of course, such advantages would be small, and it would take generations to even begin to see an effect, but this could be the scientific study of our lifetime, and the lifetimes of many of our descendants. Let us, instead of alleviation the "crisis," prolong it, that the effects may be studied! A team of scientists can be dispatched at any instant, should a consensus be reached on this incident. Let us use this incident to the betterment of science!

Atal Amner
Atal Amner, Prime Minister of No Endorse

P.S. Is this not also an opportunity to study the epidemiology of sexually transmitted diseases? This could indeed be the scientific find of the century!

Further developpements in the "condom crisis".

Well over five months have passed since the official statement of the ruler of Disco Avenue. We received support in great numbers including "a shipment of 20000 dildos!" from the generous "Armed Republic of Mandanisia". Wich will help our nations women control theyr libido in cases where this might happen again(although nothing beats a hard *rooster*..get it?..). But by the time we received our first shipment from our neighboring country, The skin tight leather asslesschaps wearing utopia of HairMetal, already three weeks have passed. And other shipments have arrived shortly after. Our polls indicate that our demands for contraception wasn't fully met until two full months had passed. And during those two months people have had a hard time holding back (especially those overly sexualized pre-adolescents). But not only them, most of our population is in age to conceive: our weak die young and our old are not that old due to the hard living conditions of this self sufficient and socialist country. Therefore our female population (71.82%) has had an average of 1.8 menstral cycles unprotected. Most of you know how hard it is for a sexually active and experienced woman to abstrein from having sex during her "heat" period of the cycle. And thus we are noticing a 1200% increase in pregnancy for the 18-25 age category only! Leading us to the horrible realisation that in 6-11 months we will have a 45% increase in our population. We must find a way to survive this "economical sword of damocles". And this is where i need you dear fellow world leaders, to help me out and find a way to deal with this; without having to result in the feared and barbaric "Deathrace (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072856/)" wich the effects are well known to reduce population but are morally debatable( for more information please watch the "documentary" film made by Paul Bartel in 1975). Or having to turn back on our social progress and being forced to return to the dreaded Capitalist system.

As the ruler of Disco Avenue i would like to thank all of you for your great support. We have learned alot from the situation. And we will make sure this situation never gets repeated. We have also created a new government branch to help detect and prevent any crisies to develop to this extent, wether it be concerning our populations daily portion of food supplies or the lack of rubber ballons our clowns need to make swords, hats and little poodles out of.

Ah what a big crisis indeed! I taught my citizens not to do it unless they have condoms. Because everywhere you turn there is a new disease off to kill you any minute. So yes I sympathize you. I know exactly how life is without condoms.
Perhaps I will give you a shipment of condoms. Then again it seems a lot of people are coming to your aid.

Secretly & anonymously sent 100 boxes of condoms to the Dept. of Homeland Sexuality 54 Studio dr.Disco Avenue, Province of Late70s H0T 1R6, After all we don't want anyone thinking our nation are...ok that's it I stop there. Enjoy

With deep regrets the Provisional Government of Dahman announces the passing of our most esteemed head of state, Anattal Devan.

His last moments were spent in his office arranging his papers according to topic. From the investigation, the neat piles on his desk were: education, execution, economy, and one international prophylactic request.

His light was snuffed from this world by a fall of thirty feet from the balcony of the executive office. While the investigation is still ongoing, we have on good authority that mental instability is seen likely to be the cause. His secretary has testified that he was not in a healthy mental state. Many state employees have sworn on record that his last words were "And now the world needs CONDOMS?" while plummeting to the inevitable outcome. Eye witnesses to the events have described the performance as "a perfect execution of a two and a half gainer with a pike".

Internment and memorial activities will be scheduled throughout the next week. Visiting dignitaries observing memorial activities should contact the foreign affairs office to assure they will receive appropriate protocol.

Furthermore, The memorial site that marks his landing has become overwhelmed with various prophylactics. It appears that our people have chosen to honor our great leaders final moments by leaving contributions to the international call from Disco Avenue. Those found suitable for transport have been stored, but we lack the ability to transport them in bulk. If no remedy is found, we will send them in smaller consignments as we are running out of storage space.

With our state grieving our loss, the Devan administration will continue to maintain the government until a special election can be held.

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Colony of Dahman

A small section of citizens residing in the Blouman Empire who are also members of the religion who know call themselves The true Roman Orthodox Catholic Church are against the use of contraceptives and so when they heard about this performed a little video and sent millions of copies to the people of Disco Avenue asking them not to use these condoms.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-L3JMk7C1A&feature=related

Remember you do not have the right to go to the chemist and ask to buy a french tickler.

OOC: BTW Disco Avenue, your thread is great, a classic I love this idea, makes a nice change from the usual that we see on II.

Ooc: Wtf?????

"yo wrap dat shit up"

-Note attached to a shipping crate of cling wrap mailed off to Disco Avenue.

We could send you our used ones...

Reported

Reported

OOC: For what? This offends you? Its a legitimate RP. If nothing more then a parody on the sudden population explosions the Nation Pages have. There is no flaming, trolling or harrassment going on here....


No wait...YOU are harrassing HIM by wasting the Moderators time by 'reporting' this, because of your opinions, and not facts.

Lol. Your not serious, are you?

Reported

It already has been reported and the Moderators have already ruled in favor of it.

red carded for flaming.
IC:

Official Statement
Federation of Hurfdurfistan

The Federation has heard the pleas of Disco Avenue and put the issue before its High Council, who have voted in favor of shipping contraceptives of all kinds to Disco Avenue. Freighters, loaded with prophylactics, left port today.

Quote removed
IC: THE TRUE ROMAN OTHORDOX CHRUCH

We write to the people of Disco world our video seems not to have any effect, please reconsider what you are doing is a sin and if you continue your evil ways then God will smite you all, we have been told that unless you stop fire will come down from the sky and destroy every body who has used a condom in their life, and you will all burn in hell, with the dead semen that you wasted to be constantly doused over you. But I suppose you pervs would like that, and God said he will make a new hell for those who use contraceptives and there you will spend all eternity running up a hill but the peak never comes.

Bishop Kenso Jellicoe

Catalia was not happy. It wasn't that her personal life got interrupted; she was used to that. It wasn't that she ended up having to deal with some trivial matter at near midnight that could have waited until the morning; she was used to that as well. It was that she finally, after years of trying, seduced her aide, and personal slave, and was about to enjoy the results of it when she got interrupted.

It was thus, while wearing nothing more than a robe and slippers, that Catalia was clutching a paper in her hand. Her entire upper body had turned red with anger and she was literally vibrating, all the while her mouth was emitting a snarl that even the fiercest of animals would have been jealous of. The messenger had fled a long time ago, leaving the minor functionary who had sent for the Empress to his fate alone.

"You. Interrupted. Me. For. This?!?" Catalia slowly spit out, her words barely recognizeable due to the pure temper within them.

"Um, yes?" said the functionary.

==========
The Next Day
==========

The dock workers of Disco Avenue would, very likely, not be surprised by the shipment of condoms that came in from Forensatha. Nor, very likely, would they be surprised by the size of the shipment. They would however, be surprised to discover one crate held a man, who was bound and gagged and had a note pinned to him suggesting he was a professional room cleaner and was to be forced to use his tongue to clean up anything. A man who, the day prior, had been a functionary in the Imperial Palace of Forensatha.

OOC: This is awesome

Щр Вуфк Ершы сщгдв иу учсшештп....

wow alot of censorship is going on :s thanks for all you support keep it alive !!

The nation of Articoa pledges 500,000 condoms to be shipped by planes to the "active" nation of Disco Avenue!

Official Message
From the Desk of the Minister of the Exterior.
To: Disco Avenue
From: Rotten Bacon
Subject: Population Boom

Dear Whom it may concern,

Hello we have intercepted your press released about your impending population boom. Though our research is not as through as yours is it appears that your economy would not be able to support such an increase all at once. Of course as I said before simply a preliminary test done in about 5 minutes.

So what we offer you is a chance to make the impact of this population boom more controllable. As the population increases to a point when you are unable to support them as you normally would be able to. You can send them to Rotten Bacon. They will be assimilated into the Rotten Bacon society as citizens. The only downside for you is that they will be unable to return to Disco Avenue at any time. They will be Rotten Bacon Citizens and will be subject to their laws.
Please take a moment to consider your offer and get back to us with your answer. As a show of good faith please accept these 500,000 condoms and this festive gist basket.

Sincerely,
Robbie Snider
Minister of the Exterior

12 hours later a crate was dropped from the sky into the courtyard of Disco Avenue’s capitol. Within was 500,000 condoms and on top was the festive gift basket.

OOC: hey everyone it’s been a while since I was in II

High Lord Ilfir Erenthi III's expression could not be described as he looked over the papers his Minister of Foreign Affairs had brought to him, and after a while he looked up, frowned and said "A request for aid, for food, for weapons, I can understand. But condoms..." His minister raised his arms into the air, unable to say anything, and Ilfir, sighing, muttered "Right, we might as well do this the fun way. Load as many condoms as you can onto our strategic bombers and send them over Disco Avenue."

The crates began falling at 2:00 pm in Disco Avenue. The Wing Commander shouted "Drop the... ummm... load? Yeah load... in 3, 2, 1..." Hundreds of crates began falling, parachutes blossoming out of them and as they fell all over the capital, the strategic bombers turned and headed back to Anemos Major, the wing commander holding his head and murmuring "Where did I go wrong.... what did I do...."

The explanation to the public was brief, simply stating that they had helped a foreign country.

Lord Xavier "Pimp" Cion read the call for help. He realised their pain, his "family" of 39 was a testament to both a shortage of condoms and his life as a "Pimp". One of the secondary officials looked over his shoulder, "What is it this time Xavier, all these...what..." and then he burst out into hysterical laughter falling over onto his back and clutching his sides. This made more people come, and it soon became news for anyone within the government. The Master of the Inquisition, the highest rank attainable in The Inquisitorius, decided that this should stop. Their effectiveness was being curtailed by this infectious laughter. He had two choices, invade or send help. He could not invade because of the countries already helping, they would be dangerous to his status. He sighed and decided to send over 100,000 condoms, 15,000 dildos and 2000 inflatable women. "Enjoy..." was the only thing that was written on the load of boxes that started to fall from the sky onto Disco Avenue. The stupid civilians had no need to know what had happened. They were safe in their little holes doing their little jobs...

OOC: That's just unacceptable, Inquisitorius. You can't just steal a title from the post above you because you can't think of anything. At least I've specified that I have a High Lord in my factbook AND in various threads.

I don't like to look like a miser but I don't take kindly to people stealing my ideas. If you can't think of anything, then just call it president or something.

DO NOT steal my ideas. It's a blindingly idiotic thing to do, and if you have nothing better to do do it somewhere else.

wow alot of censorship is going on :s thanks for all you support keep it alive !!

The "censorship" was the removal of an OOC squabble and other OOC posts that were getting in the way of the RP.

Speaking of squabbles ... mods don't usually intervene in the details of RPs. but, in the interests of stopping flames before they start, I have to tell you, Anemos Major, that High Lords aren't all that uncommon in fantasy and science fiction. (The first magic RP I got involved in here about four years ago had a truly villainous High Lord whom I have still not forgiven for turning my character's sister to the Dark Side. :$) It's not an exclusive title.

Keep on RPing your character consistently and other RPers will quickly learn to recognise anything that merely copies your work. Don't call someone on just a parallel title, though. However annoying you may find it, it's not worth starting anything over.

OOC: I changed it anyway, BACK TO THE CONRACEPTIVES!

OOC: Yes, but not as a head of state, and I personally find any form of copying annoying; therefore I don't do it. But let's drop that there.