NationStates Jolt Archive

Carthenesia - a name that once brought fear, or thoughts of mysticism, was now a nothing. Long since cut off from her allies, and then her enemies, this lonely island in the sea had all but been forgotten. In fact, if it wasn't for Europeans trying to colonize it in the 1500s, it would most likely still be a curious settlement of a forgotten race, fleeing from forgotten wars.

However, as the world rushed by, Carthenesia began the long process of catching up. Whether by capturing and replecating technology that wrecked upon their island, or by innovation alone, Carthenesia had gained a lot of ground. Finally, it was, after building its strength, in all senses of the word, that Carthenesia announced itself.

Various news stations around the world, from the poverty-stricken corporate world of the Blackhelm Confederacy, to the proud capitalists of Haven, to the communist backwaters of The World Soviet Party, were given a single message:

From King Phariton VIII, in full regal attire of royal reds and imperial purples, "People of the World, I have a simple announcement. The Nation of Carthenesia has joined the world stage. We are capitalists, we are Christians, we are a proud people. We have been watching you carefully. Contact us, if you wish, at (letters and numbers). That is all."

Not the boldest of messages, nor the most elegant, yet good old King Phariton was not one for elaborate speeches. He had a message, and he had delivered it.

Our humble nation of Northern-Fringe States, United under the common banner of resiting Canadian imperialist expansion, welcomes you to the world stage. I look forward to working closely on any initiatves you feel are neccessary, and I hope that in return we can push back the Canadians and send them bit by bit back to the icy hell of Greenland.

Ensemble nous pouvons terminer l'oppression canadienne, liberté en vie longue*!

To: King Phariton VIII
From: Empress Catalia of Forensatha, of the House of Cats

(message contains only a video document)

(video comes on, showing a young man with orange hair, dressed in a ruffled red silk kimono and swaying drunkenly)

Man: Welcome to the world. To the world! Man, you guys are so... so... Man, you're going to so get conquered! Wait until our pink luftballoons are turning you cities to dust with their death rays. Yes, death rays of doom!

Empress Catalia: (entering, wearing a towel and still dripping water) Guards! Arrest him! Maybe waking up naked in a wine cask will teach him not to do things like this.

Man: Wait! No! Please! (man is dragged off by uniformed guards, begging the entire way)

Empress Catalia: (rubbing her forehead) Can we edit or reshoot this?

Male voice: (from off-camera) No time, Empress.

Empress Catalia: Damn. (looks into camera) Welcome to the international scene, and try to ignore that idiot who was just here and my manner of dress. Unfortunately, being a ruler of my nation often means you end up making policy while still half-soapy. My nation does not invade others and that moron will be punished for the threat. I hope your time in the world is far less problematic than mine has been thus far. Now, excuse me, for I have a bath to finish.

(end of video)

Official Message from the Empire of Vojvodina-Nihon

The Physical Manifestation of God On Earth, His Imperial Majesty, The Great Emperor Of Mankind, Ruler Of The Universe, Slayer Of Enemies, Lord Over All Creatures, King of Emperors, Sovereign Of Everything Visible and Invisible, He Who Judges The Quick And The Slow, Graham's Number Given Physical Form, Destroyer Of Evil, Personification Of Goodness, Supreme Commander Of The Mighty And Totally Invincible Vojvodina-Nihonian Military speaks!

I will choose to let your pitiful nation survive for now, mere mortal "King" Phariton VIII. But rest assured that someday, my favour will be withdrawn, and your minuscule islands will be smashed into dark oblivion forever and your people will be eradicated from the face of the universe! Muahahahahahahaha! AhahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

The Physical Manifestation of God On Earth, His Imperial Majesty, The Great Emperor Of Mankind, Ruler Of The Universe, Slayer Of Enemies, Lord Over All Creatures, King of Emperors, Sovereign Of Everything Visible and Invisible, He Who Judges The Quick And The Slow, Graham's Number Given Physical Form, Destroyer Of Evil, Personification Of Goodness, Supreme Commander Of The Mighty And Totally Invincible Vojvodina-Nihonian Military has spoken!


Yes, it was another one of Those Days for Loyal Minion #719. Of course, when you were in The Emperor's service, Those Days were depressingly common; but given the Emperor's habit of slicing the heads off anyone who displeased him, #719 felt exceedingly fortunate to have survived almost a whole year in his employ.

Sometimes, he wondered to himself if anyone would ever tell the Emperor that edged weapons had been almost completely superseded by firearms in today's military. And that calling them "thunder sticks" was the sure sign of an amateur. After all, most Evil Overlords, if they didn't actively exploit every possible new technology to give them an advantage in villainy, at least acknowledged that they existed.