NationStates Jolt Archive

The United States of Rufus Firefly - News Service

Rufus Firefly
24-09-2008, 04:10
September 19, 2008
2:27 PM NPT

New Island Nation Makes Waves

SANTA MORONICA – On a hot desert afternoon in the North Pacific, eccentric Hollywood mogul J. Howard Flyvemaskine announced the completion of his 3000/sq mi man-made island situated several hundred miles off the coast of California. With a proclaimed initial founding of 5 million “settler entrepreneurs” Mr. Flyvemaskine introduced the world to his new nation, “The United States of Rufus Firefly” (USRF).

“It is the goal of this great new nation, to embrace and remind the people of the world, that compassionate insanity can be a lifeline and beacon of light in a universe increasingly incapable of laughing at its own lunacy. No longer will tradition and decorum, the historical causes of countless wars, hold humanity in their dusty, lifeless, grip! Intelligence without out a sense of humor is dumb, and dum spelled backwards is mud. My fellow Rufusians, let us pull ourselves out of this mud of humdrum, and the world along with us!”

Mr. Flyvemaskine held the “First Presidential” press conference in front of The Off-White House (really more of a beige) in the newly dubbed capital city of Santa Moronica, to a capacity crowd of three reporters and one Labrador retriever. The self styled “President of The United States of Rufus Firefly” was joined on stage by the first nominated member of his political regime, The Secretary of the Posterior, Mr. Shlomo Horatio Fink, a veteran member of the Hollywood comedy scene and avid water fowl conservationist. Secretary Fink’s main duties will be “to ensure the integrity of all compassionately insane media… and to protect the good people of The USRF from any and all stuffiness and/or tasteless humor.” As President Firefly noted with a strange tongue-in-cheek eloquence, “essentially Secretary Fink is here to monitor the quality of Rufusian cheese.”

In a press-packet written on the back of a cocktail napkin, President Flyvemaskine distributed a map and fact list of the newly dubbed USRF to the reporters in attendance. It was intriguing, it was daring, it was slightly stained with ketchup. When asked about the prospects of universal healthcare and human rights, President Flyvemaskine shrugged and casually replied “Sure, why not.” On that note, the fledgling nation began its first official day on Earth, defiantly shrugging its shoulders to the stuffy old-world powers.


Unassociated Press Writer Paws McHound contributed to this report.
Rufus Firefly
24-09-2008, 04:11
The United States of Rufus Firefly


Background: Arid man-made island fully financed and largely administrated by movie mogul J. Howard Flyvemaskine. Construction began in the second quarter of 2003 and was officially completed 19 September 2008 with an initial founding population of 5 million enterprising individuals.

State Motto: “Land of the Spree, and Home of the Knave.”

National currency: The Rufus

National bird: The Donald duck.


Location: Man-made desert island, 800 miles west of California and 1200 miles north east of the Hawaiian Islands, in the North Pacific Ocean.

Geographic Coordinates: My mother always told me it was impolite to ask.

Area: 7,777 sq mi

Maritime Claims: 7 nm territorial sea.

Climate: Arid (But we have air-conditioning).

Terrain: Flat, sandy.

Natural Resources: Uranium, recovered from seawater.

Natural Hazards: None. (Man-made island… remember?)


Population: 5 million.

Male: 50%

Female: 50%

Adult Literacy: 100%

Religion: Who knows? Probably lots.

Ethnic Groups: Never thought to ask.

Language: English


Country Name:
conventional long form: The United States of Rufus Firefly.
conventional short form: The USRF.

Government type: Benevolent Dictatorship (I’ll get around to figuring out that whole democracy thing sooner or later.)

Capital: Santa Moronica

Administrative Divisions: 4
The States of Ocihc, Oppez, Eom, and Ylruc.

National Holiday: Donald Duck Day, 9 June; Rufus Firefly Day, 19 September.

Constitution: I’m working on it. I’ll have my people call your people when it’s done.

Suffrage: 25 years or older, compulsory voting.


Economy Overview: Large media investments, particularly in book publishing. High production in uranium mining, carbonated drink innovation, and designer cheese production. Currently enjoying a very strong economy.


Telephone system: 5 million cellular phones using satellites. Zero land phone lines.

Radio Stations: 2; AM 77.7, FM 103.1

Television Broadcast Staions: 1; K-DUCK

Internet Country Code: .rf


Airports: 2; one commercial, one government use only.

Roadways: Of course! I’m from LA, Baby, I need my car… where else am I supposed to talk on my cell-phone, read the news, and have breakfast with a piping hot latte?

Railways: I never liked model trains.

Ports: Rufusgrad, Marina Del Moronica


Don’t need one… We have a doomsday device that will detonate on the occasion of any attack on our fair nation and render the entire planet uninhabitable. (Think I’m lying? Feel lucky punk? Well do ya?).
Rufus Firefly
24-09-2008, 05:23
September 22, 2008
3:28 NPT

The President’s War on Tan lines

The official policy of The United States of Rufus Firefly took a decided stance against prudes and pantaloons yesterday when President J. Howard Flyvemaskine announced his public support for relaxing nudity laws.

President Flyvemaskine explained the rational behind this new policy in the following manner; “I was talking it over with my assistant, Ms. Penelope Lane, and she was kind enough to point out that working for me, she is out of her clothes as much as she is in them, and that it’d just be nice to be able to walk down to the store for a latte without worrying about all those darn snaps, buttons and zippers.”

This reporter can only assume Ms. Lane was speaking of the annoyances of wearing multiple outfits during a day, hence needing to change often.


Unassociated Press Writer Paws McHound contributed to this report.
Carnelian Island
24-09-2008, 05:26
(If I may)

From Carnelian Island:

Nudity is such a liberating and wonderful escape from not only the heat of the day but from the social constraints. Nudity is a very relaxed and open practice in Carnelian Island and we congratulate you for following the same.
Rufus Firefly
25-09-2008, 03:44
*The congratulations were relayed to Ms. Penelope Lane who rapidly sent off an autographed 8x10 head-shot to the good people of Carnelian Island with her best wishes.*

September 24, 2008
10:10 NPT

Home-Island Defense goes Pop!

The island nation of The United States of Rufus Firefly announced today the creation of the first ever corporately branded Air National Guard. With the completion of a 75 million dollar, seven year deal with island soda giant, Popsi Cola, Incorporated, Minister of Defense and Special Effects, Mr. Bang Yoo, unveiled publicly the plans to purchase two brand new F-35 Lighting II strike fighters. The official name of the fledgling air defense unit will be The Popsi Co. Island National Guard (PC-ING) of The United States of Rufus Firefly. The iconic blue and green swirled logo of Popsi Co. will be worn on the chest of every pilot’s “g-suit” and, at least for the next several years, a top pilot will officially be known as a “Pop-gun.” In a prepared statement Minister Bang Yoo noted “that by tapping the advertising power of national resources, the great nation of The USRF will be able to ensure the security and holidays with really high production values for every Rufusian while minimizing the tax burden.”


Unassociated Press Writer Paws McHound contributed to this report.
Rufus Firefly
27-09-2008, 22:55
September 25, 2008
8:51 PM NPT

Smile! You’re on Criminal Camera

In an effort to minimize crime while still keeping the local police force numbers at a reasonably small level, the government of The United States of Rufus Firefly announced today plans to install copious amounts of cameras in all public places. President J. Howard Flyvemaskine explained his rational for such a drastic security measure during an impromptu speech in front of a local Cofeebucks in the capital city of Santa Moronica yesterday evening.

“If there’s one thing I learned while working as a big shot Hollywood producer, it’s to never give Tony Danza a talk show… If there was two things I learned, it was to never give Tony Danza a talk show and, that you can never have too many camera angles.” When asked about the personal freedoms and privacy issues of filming citizens, President Flyvemaskine put to rest any worries by ensuring that “all less than honest Ruffusians caught on tape in less then lawful activities will get a real top-notch tweaking in “post.” It’s really amazing what digital editing can do these days and it is my promise to you that everyone on these films will look slimmer in all the right places, bigger in all the rest, and have a great looking tan.”


Unassociated Press Writer Paws McHound contributed to this report.