NationStates Jolt Archive

Office-sized paper stated to the world in Spam-mailing n' flashing popup and banner ads

The King of the pimps, the(equally old) and now economically, socially and sexually successful founder of one of the oldest and most successful institutions of the Confederacy of Third Spanish States, the nightclub franchise "House of Sodom", Don Fokker Vanugler Azhell, is looking for someone to have a son or daughter with. He knows his bizness, and even with 79, he's still kicking thanks to the blue miracle. But now he is in for the serious, and needs someone who he knows that is going to get him a good descendant. He wants "THE Woman", someone deserving of the title of Queen of the Pimps, and it's more than looks, because anyone can have looks, it's about attitude, about being the One. Put your data like in the showcase example below.

http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/7/78/Popeye.jpg

This is Don Fokker Vanugler Azhell, he knows his bizness quite Well. Fo' Shizzle!

-Replace THE pimp photo above with your own in da real form-

Name or whatever: Don Fokker Vanugler Azhell
Ya neighborhood: Third Spanish States in Tucker suburb bro'.
How many birthdays you had: 79
Fluency in ghetto: Fo' shizzle!
Baldness: Just a bit
Hair: It was bro'wn, then it grayed.
Eye: Dark brown, and very, very sexy look.
Sexual experience: Since the good ol' times of 1965, in all that is straight. Can't remind anymore how many.
Skoolz: It sucks, I just did it till the fourth grade.

Follow the example girl, and fill your own. If you have adblockers in your browser, you're in bad luck.

OOC: This is the only one of this that might actually be interesting.

[OOC: Dude, that picture is freaking awesome.]

http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/1555/elinnod11mx9.jpg

Name or whatever: Katie Anderson
Ya neighborhood: Belschaft
How many birthdays you had: 19
Fluency in ghetto: Like what?
Baldness: Like, way no.
Hair: Blonde
Eye: Brown
Sexual experience: Um, like a bit. Nothing too kinky, but maybe if you ask, like, you know, nicely.
Skoolz: Um, like way boring.

From da Pimp of da Pimpz to da mailz of Kat Anderson

Yo, remember this girl: no pics, no deal.

No ghetto-speak, no deal either.

------

From the confines of his room, which walls were painted with golden "$", Fokker wondered whether it would be a good idea to afford the plane tickets to the candidates or not. But his streetwise gut told him that doing so would be very, very wasteful, and thus, all he could do was to get a discount using his contacts for those who would arrive and not fall under the classification.

(OOC: Random Internet picture is mandatory. If it's too big just post the URL instead. And yes, the candidate must know ghetto-speak. I didn't get my posts into an "Online English to 100% Ghetto-speak translator" because it would get too weird.)

(OOC: This Is F*cked up so much)

OOC- who removed my pic?

Never mind, I replaced it.

(OOC: Reminds me of Lindsey Lohan.... EL GASP!)

Dis tread be da shit, mutha fuckas.

OOC: I'll be keeping an eye on this thread

<anon> No, I am serious.
<clock> There goes the credibility.
<anon> They won't claim it was your fault.
<clock> Why are we writing with such a perfect grammar?
<anon> ok d00d, tbh I dunnow.
<clock> Nevermind.
<clock> I think you should just give up.
<anon> Business is business.
<clock> You're talking like a capitalist pig.
<anon> I am a part of what you described.
<clock> PIG!
<anon> These channels are too unsafe, let's discuss the serious matter personally, I'll meet you in the Chiapas Restaurant. 16:30
<clock> OK, I'll meet you there. I still don't understand why you had this crazy idea.
<anon> See you later clock
<clock> I never thought most hours of my profession would be about chatting in the Internets, meeting "exotic" people and professional trolls.
<anon> What else would a head of State in a stateless society do?
<clock> Travel to other countries, make inspiring speeches...
<anon> OK, see you in 16:30 in the Chiapas Restaurant, do you have more to say?
<clock> Why did you reject that application? It doesn't seem bad at all.
<anon> I'm looking for people whose attitude make their physical appearance nearly irrelevant, and she didn't know ghetto-speak.
<clock> Like you?
<anon> Yes
<clock> You are an "authentic" 60s British. And you don't know ghetto-speak! You admit it poser!
<anon> Sure I don't, Hispanic half-breed.
<clock> What a cheap slur, try better next time! And I have to go. Finally got some work to do.
<anon> Kthxbai

And thus, the man resumed his work in public relations of the club he helped to found, and into the daily management of its issues and finances. The day had a long, monotonous routine into the seductively illuminated rooms of the House of Sodom, a club where all social norms and taboos evaporated at its doors, except for one. The lounge was not as full as usual, with most visitors being people from the "lazy coops", those involved in economic activities where working more than two hours a day was unnecessary. With no etiquette regarding what to dress when visiting the club, if the visitor would come dressed at all, it was a place which had several special areas separated for different publics... from halls of more conventional orgies to places of unspeakable calamity where men in fursuits did unspeakable acts, extending to the bizarre areas of cosplaying and of scat, which were the last areas someone with no hope for humanity should ever visit. In brief, if there is a fetish, there is room for it in such place where countless cultures and fads converged and diverged through the other nature's call.

He only had one last dream, after all his success in co-managing with fairness, equality and democracy one of the oldest commerces of Earth, and after so many conquests. A frivolous dream to which he sometimes woke up strangely, and should his plans work out, the dream would soon become a reality.

(OOC: I won't reveal what is all of this about. *insert lowbrow suspense music*. If I haven't hinted enough of it, don't assume the conventional and expectable about what other threads using this type of premise have.)