NationStates Jolt Archive

The Minister of Integritopian Office Affairs paced the narrow stretch of carpet between his desk and door. "I've got over 4000 staplers, 1200 fax machines, and one HECK of a lot of irregular paper clips to unload," he thought. "But...what if nobody wants them?"

The Integritopian government had recently adopted a hard-line stance on office product waste nation-wide (especially after Chuck from accounting used 47,000 rubber bands to build the largest rubber band ball anyone in that particular office had ever seen). "This is my chance to cut down on waste...this is my time," realized the Minister.

"Sir," interrupted some intern, "I'm supposed to tell you that...well, the new photocopiers have arrived ahead of schedule...and we have no room for them in storage."

An inimical silence pervaded the fluorescent confines of an unassuming office. "Do you mean to tell me," responded the Minister, "that we'll have to throw out some almost perfectly alright office supplies???"

"Um...I'm afraid so" muttered the intern.

"Grab me a coffee...unless we find some good homes for these office supplies (and SOON), it's gonna be a LONG night."

Minister of Office Affairs began to nod off when the phone rang.

"He-Hello??" stuttered the Minister. "Who is this?"

"That is not important," said an assuredly masculine, yet slightly evil sounding man. "What IS important is whether or not you ever want to see your surplus office supplies again."

The Minister considered the situation over a subtle slurp of room-temperature coffee. "Don't be ridiculous," bluffed the Minister, "those supplies are safe and sound...probably still on the street outside of our Administrative building...just where I left them four hours ago."

"Haha!" Exclaimed the mysterious caller, "you will find that they are gone. If you ever want to see them again, you will do just as I say."

"Oh my--" The Minister couldn't contemplate the evil he was up against. "I-I wanted to get rid of those supplies...but not like this."

"Here are my demands," followed the sinister caller, "we want $15,000,000 in non-sequential unmarked bills, and a really expensive helicopter."

"Now, just a minute!" Returned the Minister, "I won't negotiate with criminals!"

"Very well then," said the criminal. "You're running out of time."

The dial-tone returned.

Thinking quickly, the Minister phoned the Integritopian Chiefs of Staff...."We'll need help if we're ever going to give those supplies to a good home..."

next time the anserphone is checked a message will have been left


ummmm high ime in town for a week or two on business and i heard you might have some high grade blotting paper for sale.......ide give you a good price on it....think it over

oh while ime thinking any high grade document paper or ink would be useful and you know if you help me out ile make a little "donation" to your "retirement fund" so drop me a line ime staying at the motel near the airport room 213