NationStates Jolt Archive

After much contact with the outside world, Uiri has decided to allow the Jimani reporters to document what life inside Uiri is like and use the cultural learnings to benefit their great nation. The telivision subsidy chosen to guide the Jimani around the country was UT - Uir Televison a subsidy of Rod Conogolomerat and the largest of the Uir television subsidies. This left the Rod Conogolomerat in charge of co-operating with the PBJ.

UT decided that the best host and tour for the reporter and his producer would be Okar Jubison a well known Uir Antropologist, best known for the documentary, "Aborijinal: What it Means to Be Native in Uiri". He would be guiding the pair and their camera crew throughout Uiri to exemplefy Uir culture.

Two Jimani men step out into the Gogari International Airport terminal. One is roughly in his thirties, his hair a short black crew-cut, wearing a white dress shirt and khaki pants. The other is somewhat younger, probably in his twenties. He wears circular sunglasses that are dark enough to obscure his eyes. His hair is long and blonde, and he is dressed in a tie-dye shirt with a red hammer-and-sickle pin clipped onto it.
"So, like, where are the Uirian people who are supposed to pick us up, Jakob?"
The older man smacks him across the back of the head swiftly
"It's Uir, Rob, you moron."
the young man mutters and walks to the luggage conveyer-belt and picks up a guitar case
"Did you really have to bring that thing?"
"Did you really have to hit me just now?"
"Yes."
"Then I say yes, too."

Okar had recognised the camera crew immediately and approached the bickering pair. It was interesting how one of the Jimani had brought a guitar case. The Uir were not as aware of terrorism in the world as more western countries probably were so most stuff wasn't really checked. Uiri didn't have anything against socialists although they did run the risk of being declared mentally ill with Communism.

"Our Audi A8 awaits," started Okar, "However we could take bicycles if you prefer. Many in Uiri bicycle to work and some even walk. It is quite sad when there is a traffic jam. We have found the bike to be much cheaper than the automobile."

the Men nod in unison, and the older one reaches out to shake Okar's hand
"I am Jakob Schmidt, from the PBJ network, and this is my associate Robert Berea, he's a Jimani folk singer... He's famous in our country, but we're told our music isn't popular in the wider world..."
The younger man butts in
"We would generally take you up on the offer of bicycles, but we're a little constricted with my instrument..."
*he holds up the guitar case*
"... So I think we'll have to take the car."
Jakob looks around while Robert blathers on
"This is beautiful country you have around here, Okar. I'm very excited to learn about the Uir way of life."

"Ah, yes I almost forgot about your luggage. We will have to convert your money into Uir arjets. Today's exchange rate is 1 golden apple = 250 milas. 1,000 milas make an arjet. Stuff will probably be very expensive for you. How many Golden Apples do you have with you?"

Jakob nods grimly, realizing this will indeed pose a problem
"The People's Council granted us 5,000,000 Golden Apples, as well as our own personal money, which is an addition 30,000 Apples... Uhm, how much money do you have, Rob?"
Robert pulls off his left boot and shakes several bills out. Scooping them off the floor and counting them, he dully announces,
"I've got 194 Apples and 23 Himos..."

"OK, let me do the math...the 5 mil would be 1.25 mil arjets. 30,000 would be 7,500 arjets, and the 194 & 23 himos would be 48à596 which altogether is 1,257,548à596 or 2,515,097.19 USD. You guys have money to spend, don't you?"

Both men look relieved, but try not to show any suprise. Jakob speaks up
"Uhm, yes, I suppose we do... Excuse us, we're not exactly mathematically-inclined... So, shall we get this show on the road?"

"Yeah, ok. Let's convert 4,000 of your apples to 20 50 arjet bills and get to that hotel."

The two Jimani men hand all their money over to Okar, waiting for it to be exchanged.
"Here you are... Is this a new airport?"

Okar was back once the money had been exchanged. He had been given a brief case to hold it all for only 2 arjets because the exchange was so big. He gave them the brief case full of 50's and 3 bills and 9 coins. He answered the question, "No but it is Revolution Day which explains the decorations. There shall be a great big celebration but everyone has the day off so we may encounter higher-than-normal traffic."

"Ah, Revolution Day... I think someone mentioned that to us before we left... What exactly is Revolution Day? I'm sure our People would be interested in such a thing... Robert, do you have the camera?"
The young man looks blankly at him
"What camera?"
"What do you mean, 'what camera?' The camera we brought to record all of this..."
"Oh.... That... I forgot it..."
Jakob shakes his head
"I suppose we'll need a new camera, then... We can look into getting one later..."

OOC: I thought the camera was rolling the whole time.
IC:

"Well, UT will gladly provide you two with a camera seeing as how we are your Uir partners in producing this documentary. Here, let's get into the car." Okar got into the driver's seat and unlocked the doors for the gentlemen.

Jakob slides into the left seat and Robert into the other
"So what can you tell us about the city?"

"Well, for starters, it is the headquarters of every single of the five large Uir congolomerates as well as the capital city of Uiri. It was the headquarters of both colonial governments, the French colonial government which lasted from 1604 to 1804 and that of the English from 1824 until 1902. In fact this is the anniversary of both revolutions - the one against the French 204 years ago and the one of the english 106 years ago. The city is home to the only University in the country, UofU or Univeristy of Uiri. The city has 500 million inhabitants, of which approximately half earn 6 digit incomes. The other half...lets just say they have a modest lifestyle. First we shall stop over a UT in order to get the camera crew and... regretfully the camera," Okar made a left and eventually stopped in front of a very tall building, "I'll be right out with a camera man and a boom operator. Do you require and make-up and/or hairstyling?"

When asked about make-up, Jakob looks rather taken aback, and Robert looks up from the notes he had begun taking
"Uhm, no... We're both from Jimanistan's Westfarthing, we don't believe make-up and such... Thank you for the offer, though..."

"Interesting..." Okar muttered. A few minutes later he came out with a large man holding a camera and a scrawnier man holding the boom, "Meet our camera crew, Rik, the camera man and his partner Tom the Boom operator. They will be filming the documentary. Perhaps you should walk out on the side walk a greet people on the street to see the differences between our cultures?"

Jakob nods as he and Rob hop out of the car
"Yes, that's an excellent idea, Okar.."
They move off for the sidewalk and attempt to approach a middle-aged man in a suit. They both bow to him
"Hello, sir, could we have a moment of your time? We're filming a documentary from Jimanistan about Uir culture. How would you describe your life?"

"Good. Although I am one of the 10% of Uiri who makes a 6 digit out come. I'm a very busy management-type with a dead-end job and I go on vacation every year. I have 2 beautiful children and a wonderful homemaker wife. Can I go now? I'm late for my colleagues' Revolution Day Party."

"Certainly, sir, but just one more question. What is Revolution Day? We've heard so much about it, but we don't really know what it celebrates."
Robert cuts in
"Yeah, man, like, what is it?"
Jakob waves Robert off
"Be quiet, I'm asking the questions... Go work on some song lyrics, or something..."

"I don't have time for this. In short, it is the anniversary of Heni Huso killing the French governor and the revolution against colonial rule," the man walks away from the strange pair.

"See, Rob, you scared him off... Idiot."
"You're the idiot.."
Jakob shakes his head and looks around for someone else to question. He sees a young woman walking by and decides to speak with her. He bows slightly and begins to speak
"Excuse me, ma'am, but might we have a moment of your time? We're doing a documentary For the People's broadcasting association of Jimanistan. How would you describe the educational system here?"

The woman looked at Jakob like he was an alien. She was clearly working class and enjoying her day off, "Ji ne comiperihed tu"

Jakob shakes his head, and then turns to the crew behind him
"Do any of you know what she's saying? Can you translate?"

Rik, the camera man said, "She said she doesn't comprehend you. Allow me to translate your question." Bob then proceeded to speak what sounded like a mix between English and French with some twists to the woman and she answered in kind. Rik said in English, "She says that she doesn't know what an educational system is."

Bump

Jakob nods slightly, but with a perplexed look on his face
"What? You know, Schools and stuff, run by the government..."
He is speaking to Rik, but looking at the woman who can't understand him. Rob cuts in again
"Yeah, man, like, where you can expand your mind... Sort of..."

Both the camera man and the boom operator laughed. While Rik and the woman conversed in Uir, Tom said, "Who gave you those ideas? One of the Communists at the Insane Asylum?" All three Uir laughed and the woman laughed even harder when Tom translated what he had said to the Jimani men for her. She said something in Uir which Rik said, "Yi" to and then she said something else which Tom translated as, "Educational systems are no different from barber shops. Wouldn't it be silly for the government to run barber shops? That is why it is silly for the government to run eductaion."

Jakob nods slowly, realizing that they don't, in fact, have an Educational system
"Oh, I see now. And ma'am we know you're being very patient with us but we do have a couple more questions, if you've the time. If the government doesn't run the schools, who does? And doesn't this have a negative effect on the intellegence of your population? In Jimanistan the Government pays for education, and runs it, for the most part."

Jakob nods slowly, realizing that they don't, in fact, have an Educational system
"Oh, I see now. And ma'am we know you're being very patient with us but we do have a couple more questions, if you've the time. If the government doesn't run the schools, who does? And doesn't this have a negative effect on the intellegence of your population? In Jimanistan the Government pays for education, and runs it, for the most part."

The woman waits for Rik to translate before answering. Rik translates the Uir to Englsih for the foreigners, "Businesses such as Yalon Conogolomerat or Rod Conogolomerat and educational subsidaries run schools. The government gives educational grants to start up these businesses. It has no effect on the intelligence of the population but it sure does prevent us from knowing, for example, how far away Kirav or Aleos are. Your country is communist, right? That explains it. You crazy communists you."

Jakob shakes his head
"I'm an independent voter, and my friend here is a Democratic-Socialist, along with the majority of the Country. Communists do more or less control a few of our Eastern provinces, but they're mostly hill-folk and farmers...."
He nods again and bows
"Thank you for your time, we've held you up enough."
He begins looking around for another. Rob has abandoned his guitar case on the side-walk and is strumming a few chords on the instrument

Rick turns off the camera and says to Rob, "Hey, could we get some shots of your folk singing stuff, Okar told us, and the reaction of the Uir?"

Rob looks over and nods.
"Alright, man... Lemme think of a good one to play..."
he thinks awhile as he tunes the guitar, which was apparantly whacked out on the plane ride.
"You know, I bet these folks would get a kick out of an old Union Song..."

Jakob gives him an odd look but says nothing. Robert begins to strum out a song to the tune of John Brown's Body, singing in a low but mellow voice,
"When the Union's inspiration through the Worker's blood shall run
there shall be no power greater anywhere beneath the Sun.
But what could be weaker than the feeble strength of one?
For the Union makes us strong!
Solidarity forever,
Solidarity forever,
Solidarity forever,
For the Union makes us strong!..."

Rik turns on the camera and starts filming while Tom is sure to get the song's sound. The Uir passing by just hurry by the musician who they view as odd and think that he is off his rocker. One passer-by wearing an orange t-shirt stops to listen and shouts, " YI! LE UNON FATES NUS SOROT!" which Rik translates as, "Yes! The Union Makes Us Strong!" After the third verse and plenty of reactions, Rik decides that that is enough footage and decides that he should get them when they are in the hotel room.

Robert finishes playing on his guitar and Jakob looks quite relieved.
"I'm glad we didn't get any jeering, though I don't know what the one fella said... We'll have to be sure to put subtitles on that during editing..."

"We'll put in the English subtitles, don't worr I won't forget. Now come on, we should book the hotel room," Okar had come out of the parked car to listen to the folk song and now was motioning for all of them to come inside.

Rob and Jakob walk quickly towards the car and hop in.
"So, where's this hotel at, anyhow?"

"Oh, its a couple seconds this way and then one second north. And by seconds I mean subdivisions of minutes which are inturn subdivisions of degrees as in latitude and longitude. The center of an intersection is the quatripoint between two seconds of latitude and two seconds of longitude. It's not the best system but atleast its easier for GPS-type devices.

Jakob and Rob both nods. Jakob looks puzzled, and Rob looks really, really confused. Jakob speaks as Rob gives up on figuring it out and just looks out the window, looking at the architecture, which is quite diffrent from that found in Jimanistan
"That is a very confusing system... I didn't understand a word of it..."
Rob speaks in awe, still staring out at the buildings
"Wow, those are some tall buildings.... I've never seen so many in one place..."

"Basically its two blocks forward, one block left, well, now more accurately, just up ahead. It allows us to know the exact co-ordinates of every block with a GPS. Its much easier and roads look a lot more like a grid. Anyways, here we are," Okar stopped and made a left into an underground parking area, "Let's go get you four a room. Rik & Tom will be filming your reactions to the hotel room and such. I have heard that they wipe bottoms with paper in other countries, is this true?"

Jakob looks strangely at Okar as they pile out of the car
"Yes, most countries do... In Jimanistan an odd sort of rice-paper is also common... If you don't do that with paper... Uhm, what do you do?"

"We use something called a bidet which basically washes our bums. Water goes down the pip as we call it, along with the rest of our waste. We also use the bidet to clean the sides of the pip. It is very, very effective. I'll book your rooms seeing as the person at the reception desk looks to be of lower class," Okar began conversing with the woman and eventually he had four room keys. He said to Jakob, "It'll be 100 arjets a night."

"That sounds alright. Do we pay up front? We've heard of places where payment was not until one leaves..."
They go about retrieving money for which to pay the woman, and Robert asks in a loud, tourist-y way
"How long are we staying here, again?"

"One night, maybe two. Not very long. We shall be heading south into the desert once we are finished here. Payment is once you leave. I shall be returning to my residence but Rik & Tom shall accompany you to your room. It is room 811 (8th floor, room 11)," with that Okar headed back to the Audi which was parked underground. Rik & Tom motioned for the Jimani men to go first.