Drunken Pagan Weirdos
05-07-2008, 05:15
(OOC: So, yeah, even though my nation's been around awhile, this is my first time RPing here - a few of you might know me from random Earth RPs; however, I’ve never actually tried to roleplay on II. It’s time to rectify that, I think, and join in the fun. Since the name “Drunken Pagan Weirdos” isn’t even remotely realistic [and besides, the inside joke’s gotten quite old], I’ve decided to adopt the Asian culture of my region-mates and RP as “Heilong”, a nation with elements of Laos, the Khmer Empire, and Imperial Japan, instead, while keeping the stats and such of my good ol' Drunken Pagan Weirdos. Ahem, anyway, moving on…)
The Dharmic Kingdom of Heilong (Heilongese: Phra Ratxa Anachak Heilong), the most reclusive and yet most economically powerful member of the region of Xanadou, is a mixture of a constitutional monarchy (explicitly modeled after the system of Meiji-era Imperial Japan) and a fully socialized welfare state. It is notable for its strict Edict of Isolation (which severely limits diplomatic and economic interaction with the outside world), its citizens’ almost slavish devotion to Theravada Buddhism, and its complete lack of drug laws (something that would undoubtedly make this island nation a popular stop for druggies and hip teenagers the world over, if they were only allowed to enter).
Ever since the end of Heilong’s period of colonization by a European power, the nation has been led by a King and by the Heilong Issara (Free Heilong Party), with the Party taking a more active role in recent years, allowing the King to surround himself with opulent decadence and let the Party do all the real work. So, when King Srindravarman IV died of a (quite expected) heart attack in early July of 2008, senior Party leaders figured that they would be able to control the heir to the throne in just the same way. Crown Prince Saeng Chanh, a young man of twenty-two years of age, was hardly considered to be a forceful personality, though he was “atypically intelligent, and quite arrogant for knowing it”, especially when compared to his father, and therefore a bit of an enigma.
No expense was spared for the new King’s public coronation. The Prime Minister, a short, stocky man in his late fifties, was the first to take the stage, extolling the generous humility and strength of character of the former King. (In truth, of course, he had possessed quite the opposite qualities. But really, why disrespect the dead?)
After the Prime Minister’s lengthy speech, Prince Saeng – now known as King Simhavarman I – was officially presented with the Moon Blade, a finely-crafted blade that had symbolized the monarchy for hundreds of years, and honored with performances from musicians and dancers from all over the nation. It was, by almost all accounts, a great success and a fine way to usher in a new era in Heilongese history.
Directly after the coronation, the former King’s Cabinet of Ministers was summoned to the royal throne room. They entered to find Simhavarman in a most un-regal position, slouched upon the throne, leaning on the Moon Blade with its point on the ground and spinning it around in a tight circle. The Ministers gulped in shock at this blatant disregard of the sanctity of the Blade, but said nothing, and waited for the new King to speak.
After a few moments of silence he held his sword still and did so. “I’m happy to see you all here. Firstly, rest assured that you will all keep your current positions; you all performed admirably in the service of my father, and I expect that you’ll do the same for me.”
The Prime Minister, having expected this, stepped forward and bowed. “We thank Your Majesty for his complements.”
“Secondly,” the King continued, ignoring the flattery, “I have a quick question. Refresh my memory, if you please, Minister: for how long has the Edict of Isolation been in effect?”
“Just over fifty years, Your Majesty. But why do you wish to talk about that, of all things?”
The King gave the Moon Blade another twirl, then held it still. “Simple. I am putting an end to it, effective as soon as possible.”
This pronouncement caused quite a stir amongst the assembled Ministers; after several moments of confused bickering, the Prime Minister, a very high-ranking member of the Free Heilong Party, bowed again and said, “Though I do not wish to contradict Your Majesty, I do not believe it is wise -”
“No, I didn’t think you would,” the King said dryly. “Then again, I didn’t ask for your beliefs. I asked you to carry out mine. You will find, Minister, that I am not a pliable man, as my father was. A King, after all, should serve in the name of all his people, not his ministers or his richest supporters. I am of the belief that a quick, forced removal from isolation – shock therapy, if you will – would do this nation and its people some good.”
The Prime Minister was taken aback: one could see it in his eyes. He gave suggestions; the King obeyed them. That was how it was, and he couldn’t figure out why his suggestions were being disregarded, especially by this inexperienced child. “Your Majesty, why?” he sputtered. “We have adhered to these traditions – which your grandfather put into place – for many years now! One does not simply do away with them in an instant!”
“Actually, yes, one does. I do. The Edict of Isolation is hereby ‘done away with’, and I’m sure that the National Assembly will agree. I think that we can learn something from the foreigners and they can learn something from us. There’s a whole wide world out there, Minister, full of interesting and vibrant peoples! It seems to me that it’s past time that we turned to face it rather than hide away in some metaphorical corner.”
The Minister of Internal Affairs, a shrewd man pushing eighty, stepped forward and bowed; he was a bit more composed, though still obviously surprised at the nerve of the upstart. “Your Majesty, modern Heilongese culture is a perfect balance of elements both old and new, and it would be a perversion to combine it with outside influence. You know this. Does it not worry Your Majesty that these foreign ideas and ways will be harmful to the social order of the nation?”
“It doesn’t worry me in the slightest. I could give you a long, fact-filled lecture on the inevitability of change and adaptation in any society, but I’ve no doubt that it would fly right over your head. Let me just point out that, should the nation close itself off for too long, we will inevitably fall into stagnation and, ultimately, demise. That is the fate of all empires that refuse to evolve with the times. So from a social and cultural standpoint, I believe that it’s long past time to do away with this old, outdated isolationist fluff. It will be good for us from an economic standpoint as well. Our nation’s businesses have expanded as much as humanly possible here; they need new markets overseas in order to grow ever further and make the nation even wealthier. And to prevent foreign business from getting too much of a foothold here we slap them with tariffs and various other protectionist measures. It’s the best of both worlds.”
The Prime Minister summoned up every element of command he could muster and said, “Yes, but… Your Majesty…”
“Besides, I rather enjoy certain foreign things,” the King continued, raising his voice and cutting his Prime Minister off. “Like rock 'n roll, for instance. Rock ‘n roll is nice.”
He closed his eyes, hummed the first few bars of “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” and smiled. “Wouldn't you agree, Minister?”
The Prime Minister most certainly did not agree; nonetheless, he had finally figured out that his job – and, therefore, more importantly, his public prestige – was at stake, and there was little he could do about it at this time. He swallowed, bowed his head, and said, “Yes, Your Majesty.”
The King only nodded in response, hiding an inward grin; he really and truly enjoyed making people squirm like this. His voice took on a sarcastically gleeful tone as he said, “Then that's settled. The first step, as I understand it, is to write some kind of missive to all of the other nations out there in the great wide world with the purpose of announcing our presence, making friends, and so on, and I would hate to break tradition. After that comes the fun part – embassy exchange, which I need not say is something to look forward to.”
He fixed the Prime Minister with a pointed glare. “Isn’t it, Minister?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“But we shall cross that bridge when we come to it. Now go, and write a letter to the international community. Make it a nice letter, nothing too flashy or too long. Run it by me when you’re finished and I’ll make whatever changes I deem necessary. Oh, and… Minister?”
The Prime Minister gulped and bowed. “Yes, Your Majesty?”
“Heaven's wrath be upon you if you dare to use the words 'world' and 'stage' in the same sentence.”
Official Communiqué from the Prime Minister’s Office
Dharmic Kingdom of Heilong
To: Leaders of All Nations
Greetings to you, Sir/Madam!
The National Assembly of Heilong, on suggestion of HM King Simhavarman I, has voted to revoke the Edict of Isolation, which has kept our nation peacefully separate from the rest of the world. Under the Edict we have receded into ourselves and, free of the influence of foreign imperialism, built ourselves a stable, modern, and powerful nation. Now that this task is complete, we feel that it is time to petition our fellow governments around the world for formal recognition and become more involved in global politics, cultural exchanges, and trade. Requests for further cooperation and relations will not be considered until a formal Ministry of Foreign Affairs is established.
If interested, contact my office; please provide at least a few details about your nation in order to help us to learn about your culture and government. We look forward to cooperation and stable relations with your nation.
Signed,
Prime Minister Savang Sananikone
Speaking in the Name of King Simhavarman I
The Dharmic Kingdom of Heilong (Heilongese: Phra Ratxa Anachak Heilong), the most reclusive and yet most economically powerful member of the region of Xanadou, is a mixture of a constitutional monarchy (explicitly modeled after the system of Meiji-era Imperial Japan) and a fully socialized welfare state. It is notable for its strict Edict of Isolation (which severely limits diplomatic and economic interaction with the outside world), its citizens’ almost slavish devotion to Theravada Buddhism, and its complete lack of drug laws (something that would undoubtedly make this island nation a popular stop for druggies and hip teenagers the world over, if they were only allowed to enter).
Ever since the end of Heilong’s period of colonization by a European power, the nation has been led by a King and by the Heilong Issara (Free Heilong Party), with the Party taking a more active role in recent years, allowing the King to surround himself with opulent decadence and let the Party do all the real work. So, when King Srindravarman IV died of a (quite expected) heart attack in early July of 2008, senior Party leaders figured that they would be able to control the heir to the throne in just the same way. Crown Prince Saeng Chanh, a young man of twenty-two years of age, was hardly considered to be a forceful personality, though he was “atypically intelligent, and quite arrogant for knowing it”, especially when compared to his father, and therefore a bit of an enigma.
No expense was spared for the new King’s public coronation. The Prime Minister, a short, stocky man in his late fifties, was the first to take the stage, extolling the generous humility and strength of character of the former King. (In truth, of course, he had possessed quite the opposite qualities. But really, why disrespect the dead?)
After the Prime Minister’s lengthy speech, Prince Saeng – now known as King Simhavarman I – was officially presented with the Moon Blade, a finely-crafted blade that had symbolized the monarchy for hundreds of years, and honored with performances from musicians and dancers from all over the nation. It was, by almost all accounts, a great success and a fine way to usher in a new era in Heilongese history.
Directly after the coronation, the former King’s Cabinet of Ministers was summoned to the royal throne room. They entered to find Simhavarman in a most un-regal position, slouched upon the throne, leaning on the Moon Blade with its point on the ground and spinning it around in a tight circle. The Ministers gulped in shock at this blatant disregard of the sanctity of the Blade, but said nothing, and waited for the new King to speak.
After a few moments of silence he held his sword still and did so. “I’m happy to see you all here. Firstly, rest assured that you will all keep your current positions; you all performed admirably in the service of my father, and I expect that you’ll do the same for me.”
The Prime Minister, having expected this, stepped forward and bowed. “We thank Your Majesty for his complements.”
“Secondly,” the King continued, ignoring the flattery, “I have a quick question. Refresh my memory, if you please, Minister: for how long has the Edict of Isolation been in effect?”
“Just over fifty years, Your Majesty. But why do you wish to talk about that, of all things?”
The King gave the Moon Blade another twirl, then held it still. “Simple. I am putting an end to it, effective as soon as possible.”
This pronouncement caused quite a stir amongst the assembled Ministers; after several moments of confused bickering, the Prime Minister, a very high-ranking member of the Free Heilong Party, bowed again and said, “Though I do not wish to contradict Your Majesty, I do not believe it is wise -”
“No, I didn’t think you would,” the King said dryly. “Then again, I didn’t ask for your beliefs. I asked you to carry out mine. You will find, Minister, that I am not a pliable man, as my father was. A King, after all, should serve in the name of all his people, not his ministers or his richest supporters. I am of the belief that a quick, forced removal from isolation – shock therapy, if you will – would do this nation and its people some good.”
The Prime Minister was taken aback: one could see it in his eyes. He gave suggestions; the King obeyed them. That was how it was, and he couldn’t figure out why his suggestions were being disregarded, especially by this inexperienced child. “Your Majesty, why?” he sputtered. “We have adhered to these traditions – which your grandfather put into place – for many years now! One does not simply do away with them in an instant!”
“Actually, yes, one does. I do. The Edict of Isolation is hereby ‘done away with’, and I’m sure that the National Assembly will agree. I think that we can learn something from the foreigners and they can learn something from us. There’s a whole wide world out there, Minister, full of interesting and vibrant peoples! It seems to me that it’s past time that we turned to face it rather than hide away in some metaphorical corner.”
The Minister of Internal Affairs, a shrewd man pushing eighty, stepped forward and bowed; he was a bit more composed, though still obviously surprised at the nerve of the upstart. “Your Majesty, modern Heilongese culture is a perfect balance of elements both old and new, and it would be a perversion to combine it with outside influence. You know this. Does it not worry Your Majesty that these foreign ideas and ways will be harmful to the social order of the nation?”
“It doesn’t worry me in the slightest. I could give you a long, fact-filled lecture on the inevitability of change and adaptation in any society, but I’ve no doubt that it would fly right over your head. Let me just point out that, should the nation close itself off for too long, we will inevitably fall into stagnation and, ultimately, demise. That is the fate of all empires that refuse to evolve with the times. So from a social and cultural standpoint, I believe that it’s long past time to do away with this old, outdated isolationist fluff. It will be good for us from an economic standpoint as well. Our nation’s businesses have expanded as much as humanly possible here; they need new markets overseas in order to grow ever further and make the nation even wealthier. And to prevent foreign business from getting too much of a foothold here we slap them with tariffs and various other protectionist measures. It’s the best of both worlds.”
The Prime Minister summoned up every element of command he could muster and said, “Yes, but… Your Majesty…”
“Besides, I rather enjoy certain foreign things,” the King continued, raising his voice and cutting his Prime Minister off. “Like rock 'n roll, for instance. Rock ‘n roll is nice.”
He closed his eyes, hummed the first few bars of “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” and smiled. “Wouldn't you agree, Minister?”
The Prime Minister most certainly did not agree; nonetheless, he had finally figured out that his job – and, therefore, more importantly, his public prestige – was at stake, and there was little he could do about it at this time. He swallowed, bowed his head, and said, “Yes, Your Majesty.”
The King only nodded in response, hiding an inward grin; he really and truly enjoyed making people squirm like this. His voice took on a sarcastically gleeful tone as he said, “Then that's settled. The first step, as I understand it, is to write some kind of missive to all of the other nations out there in the great wide world with the purpose of announcing our presence, making friends, and so on, and I would hate to break tradition. After that comes the fun part – embassy exchange, which I need not say is something to look forward to.”
He fixed the Prime Minister with a pointed glare. “Isn’t it, Minister?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“But we shall cross that bridge when we come to it. Now go, and write a letter to the international community. Make it a nice letter, nothing too flashy or too long. Run it by me when you’re finished and I’ll make whatever changes I deem necessary. Oh, and… Minister?”
The Prime Minister gulped and bowed. “Yes, Your Majesty?”
“Heaven's wrath be upon you if you dare to use the words 'world' and 'stage' in the same sentence.”
Official Communiqué from the Prime Minister’s Office
Dharmic Kingdom of Heilong
To: Leaders of All Nations
Greetings to you, Sir/Madam!
The National Assembly of Heilong, on suggestion of HM King Simhavarman I, has voted to revoke the Edict of Isolation, which has kept our nation peacefully separate from the rest of the world. Under the Edict we have receded into ourselves and, free of the influence of foreign imperialism, built ourselves a stable, modern, and powerful nation. Now that this task is complete, we feel that it is time to petition our fellow governments around the world for formal recognition and become more involved in global politics, cultural exchanges, and trade. Requests for further cooperation and relations will not be considered until a formal Ministry of Foreign Affairs is established.
If interested, contact my office; please provide at least a few details about your nation in order to help us to learn about your culture and government. We look forward to cooperation and stable relations with your nation.
Signed,
Prime Minister Savang Sananikone
Speaking in the Name of King Simhavarman I