NationStates Jolt Archive

Kelnoriem Times

Kelnoriem Fatter Than Ever

Over the past ten years, the leadership of our great nation has lead us down a path of poor health, and obesity. Ten years ago, the Government passed the Children's Protection Act. Which among other things, banned the use of bicycles in Kelnoriem under safety concerns, set a curfew at 5 pm, and for children 18 and under. To cover the cost of other provisions of the act, they cut funding in certain areas, which resulted in the cutting of all gym and health classes, and the contracting out of school lunches, to the Happy Burger fast food company. Then 8 years ago, due to pollution levels in most areas, recesses at all schools were moved into the class room, again for the safety of the children. We did a study of 2,000 Elementary school students, grades 1-4. The chart below shows the results:

95% watch more than 6 hours of TV a day.
97% do not participate in any form of exercise.
94% eat more than 4,000 calories a day.

The fact of the matter is that we estimate 94% of the population to be obese, and 54% to be morbid obesity. Many of our younger generation just sit around all day watching TV, playing video games, and eating.

The Kelnoriemian Government promptly removed this from the newspaper circulated within Kelnoriem, but the paper was able to get it out to the international community via it's website, which was then placed on a list preventing Citizens within Kelnoriem from viewing it.

The Binarian Empire donates ten thousand tread-mills to the Kelnoriemian people.

Upon reading the paper, which had swiftly circulated throughout Karnigstan's soda making industry, the corporations have begun to harass the government into putting pressure on Kelnoriem to open its borders fully to the soda trade. This task of persuasion fell to Cherish T'Cause, the former head of the Karnigstan Foreign Relations Office.

Official Communique from the Karnigstan Foreign Relations Office

To Whom it May Concern,

It has come to my attention that our soda making industry wishes to begin mass exportation of its tasty beverages into your country. As such, the government of Karnigstan itself is interested in allowing its massive soda making industry to export fully into your nation without fear of their warehouses getting nationalized, or at least some other form of guarantee they they gain their cut of the profits.

With best wishes and best regards,
Cherish T'Cause, Diplomat of Karnigstan

Official Statement:

We have no stance on this issue.

Upon reading the paper, which had swiftly circulated throughout Karnigstan's soda making industry, the corporations have begun to harass the government into putting pressure on Kelnoriem to open its borders fully to the soda trade. This task of persuasion fell to Cherish T'Cause, the former head of the Karnigstan Foreign Relations Office.

Official Communique from the Karnigstan Foreign Relations Office

To Whom it May Concern,

It has come to my attention that our soda making industry wishes to begin mass exportation of its tasty beverages into your country. As such, the government of Karnigstan itself is interested in allowing its massive soda making industry to export fully into your nation without fear of their warehouses getting nationalized, or at least some other form of guarantee they they gain their cut of the profits.

With best wishes and best regards,
Cherish T'Cause, Diplomat of Karnigstan

To Cherish T'Cause,

We wish to inquire as to the nutritional facts on your drink. If it is what we are looking for, you may get a very lucrative contract with our government.

Signed,
Jose Carter
Minister of Propaganda