NationStates Jolt Archive

A short non descript News Anchor reached the spartan news room thats only ostentatious feature was a over exaggerated gold framed picture of the founder of the Nation Nikolai Vosich whos omniprence on the painting was Beaming down on the current nations geographical borders and elaborate Cyrilic text at the bottom of the picture stated "Socialism or Death".

The News Anchors suprisingly baritone voice betrayed his rather deminuitive presence

"Good Evening Comrades of the revolution, This is your state news representative Vladimir Kusich reporting with some breaking News"

Like all News Anchors worth their reputation, Kusich did not let his deamnor slip when he continued.

" It appears that several undiserable soldiers from the Yatusk military base commandeered a tank while high on illegal methamphetamine drugs, and have broken away from regular tank practsing excercises on the base, They broke through the fenced perimeters of the base and passed suprised Guardsmen and subsequently broke on to the main highway into Yakut city."

At this point a small tirckel (albeit un- noticeable on the television camera) of sweat sweat fell down Kuischs face. he had specific orders from the nations military command to report the incident as a suprise terrorist infiltration, rather than risk national and Internation embarresment over Military dicipline at Sakhastans largest military base.

Kusich through was in his mid fifties and had new feelings for the large proportion of the Sakhastan population apathetic to the patriotic rhetoric expouse by the authoritarian communist regime and to the governments incompetant mismanagement of state resources ( filtered through corruption and sheer incopetance by state berucrates and military generals alike) decided to continue on his "un tampered" report whilst keeping a close eye on the entrance through his prehipheral vision for military police.

Kusich continued on live television. " The Tank with the stilled unamed soldiers reached the outter suburbs of Yakut without any police resistance, and then were only met by futile orders to stop on their tank radio which they probably wouldnt of even understood in their drug addled haze, It appears that the Peoples guard were caught totally off guard, The Tank crossed into the opposite highway lane crushing several on coming cars and destroying a public high school bus. The current death toll stands at 20 with an escalating casualty rate of 55 civilians and state police."

Kusich through his perphierals could see his station manager walk out of the broadcast room and a armed commisar with comically huge military cap walk calmly into the theatre and was going to pull the live feed of the news broadcast.

Kusich attempted one last gambit out of his new found hatred for the archaic and anacronistic Staninist regime.

" The Tank was only stopped when it plowed right into the state du.... BZZZT Kusich was cut off

"Comrade Kusich this is no way to end such an illustrious news career" the weasly featured commisar spoke through the speakerphone.

"spreading vicious and damaging lies to undermine the state, that is grounds for a permanent vacation you know that dont you Kusich!, Im thinking a Arctic circle Culag will be sufficient for 23 years of invaluable and loyal support to the state"

commisar Berkof then spoke menacingly into his handheld and in due response a Armed platoon of state guardsmen armed with Ak 47s and grim emotionless expressions stormed the news room and started pumelling Vladimir Kusich to a bloody pulp with the Buts of their rifles.

In stark contrast to this viscereal scene, A technical problems sign appeared on citizens television sets that showed a cartoonish mechanic work under a broken down television set whilst a well nourished cartoon farther was reading to his kids untill the tv was fixed....

SIC: Mikhail Kostovs expression of the incident said it all he knew the public would find the subsequent "power shortage" at the news station unpalatable to say the least, But that didnt concern him the Sakhastani people ( with the exception of his family and personal friends that constitued the majority of the state Duma and Politburo ) are and always will be conformist peasants, and any insurrection to the contrary will be brutally suppressed as past Sakhastani history indicates.

Kostov was more concerned about growing international scorn on the isolationist state and the incident over the now executed drugged up soldiers (that included a full honoured Tank commander and staff seargent, that entered the wrong side of the Yakut highway killing 32 civilians and 8 police officers and leveled the front facade of the state Duma which killed 5 low tier communist party members before the soldiers tank was halted in its tracks by fuel shortage and a Anti Tank missile barrage) would only exacberate Sakhastans international reputation. his diplomatic corps knew "the terrorist plot" that the government is know feeding to the public the international nations would find completely untenable.

But hey Fuck it, Kostov hated Sakhastani television anyway he then switched the chanel to his favourite flamboyantly materialistic Laytebian television channel on his offices sattelite television.

The News the next day:

A flagrantly tarted up hooker that masqueraded as a news anchor was the new co host of the "revised state news netork" whereas her male counterpart was contrastingly immacultely dressed ( Showing the disparity in ideology did not supersede appearance and superficialness around the world)

They went through the usual state news rigmerole justifying last nights "powercut" and the incident preceding it before announcing Vladimir Kusichs "suprise retirement"

" In other News long term State News Anchor and proud comrade of the socialist state Vladimir Kulich has announced his retirement form broadcasting effective immediately" the News hooker said

She then continued " He has cited mental health issues following the drastic discrepencies in his past news story last night and is now believed to be cronically depressed"

"Now to sport"

Roman Petrov The Amga united Soccer goal keeper has had his head blown off by an Irate fan uing a high velocity hunting rifle after he conceded 5 consecutive goals in the first half of their first division soccer match at Amga stadium to arch rivals yakut city.

The coach Yuri Constantine was cited as saying " this is fucking terrible news My subed Goal keepers current fitness is below par, we will concede another five during the second half without a doubt now, i hope the peoples court executes that idiot fan"

Sure enough the game continued albeit with remants of Petrovs skull around the goal area, but this did not preturb Yakut city one bit as Constantines phosphetic predicitions came true with Amga united going down 10-4

Comrades!!!! we bring you exciting live coverage of happenings in the Sakhastan Politburo for this month.... we willl bring you a live feed in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....


The Chairman of the Sakhastani Communist party beckoned for the agenda of this months politburo meeting....

"First comrade chairman" the general seceratary spoke up in response. "The mitigation of too much starch in our state made bread"

Chairman Kostov sighed..

The secretary continued unabated.

" Too much starch in our bread to counter the fierce Sakhastani winter months has proved to have disasterous effects on the health and well being of the Sakhastani people and some are drawing parrelles with the Fast Food obesity epidemic associated with the beurgois capitalists to the west"

Mikhail Kostov felt compelled to veto this legislation on the grounds of sheer absurd monotony but managed to restrain himself for the good portion of the half an hour length of the General secretarys ardous diatribes

"Fine, Implement the legislation with immediate effect, Now surely their must be some other incidents /phenomena that come close second to starch legislation in a nation almost the size of India?"

Chairman Kostovs phesesous tone was Lost on General Secretary Shevchenko

He stoically continued in his drab central Sakhi accent.

"Well We are proposing a complete crackdown on narcotics entering Sakhastan following an incident involving your son and a group of hookers gate crashed Sakhatsans politician of the year ceremony on live television and renouncing communism while being shot up to their eyeballs, And this issue is particulary pertinant considering the Tank incident recently"

Mikhail choked and then spluttered on his vodka, This was accompanied by uneasy murmerings in the seats of representatives.

A guardsmen then cut the live feed...

News Anchor Potenko felt Arkward after the sudden cut of the live feed....


He had to quickly improvise so save himself from the Notorious SSNN news anchor culling, He new what happened to Kusich and if one miscontrues the term "retirment or permenant hiatus" then Kusich was definaly having the time of his life grinding rocks with a pick axe in a sub zero north Siberian Culag.


"well Comrades!!! that was most certainly a brief but fulfilling perspective from the State Politburo where the mantle of Sakhastani economic prosperity and soclialist salvation rests"

"now for the remainder of the News hour here is footage of last years Sakhastani independence military parade!!!"

"It brings us great pleasure to formally announce to the Sakhastani populace that our esteemed Government has developed futher trade talks with the Mighty Council State of Nerotika pertaining to crushing the Insidous Pro Pushkan rebellion in the North.

These further deals will also further extend to the development of better industrial infrastructure in our remote North Siberian districts and perhaps a reciprocal free trade agreement.

although the Premier has chastised any speculation on any such a deal, the reason being not to rush the Nerotikans into any deal without proper deliberation. with Sakhastans respective Nerotikan diplomatic counterparts"

"more news on the talks as they happen"