NationStates Jolt Archive

To: All Nations
Subject: Panda Protection
From: Hardurmia

It has come to the attention of Hardurmia that Pandas need to be a prtotected species and have a natural habitat. Any nation who would like to turn over their Pandas for preservation to Hardurmia, please do so. We have already set up our wildlife national park. As we know, Pandas are abused in SOME nations, and we would like to have them exported into Hardurmia for further protection. Thank You.

With Hope,
Hardurmian Diplomat Department

The Kiravian Empire does not have any pandas inhabiting our territories, but should we aquire a colony or other jurisdiction that does contain a panda population, we would welcome Hardmurian preservation efforts.

We hereby donate US$30,000,000 to your cause.

To: Hardurmia Environment Representative
From: **ENCRYPTED -- UNKNOWN SENDER**
Subject: RE: Panda Protection

...Hello? Is this getting through? Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't, it doesn't matter either way.

You want pandas? Kikoskriat has very little in the way of wildlife like that... or in the way of environmentalism at all really. Last thing I heard, not a single ultimac was spent on the environment or preserving jack. It's all build, build, build it seems and it gets to me...

I just realised I'm rambling, so I'll get to the point. We only really have one zoo in the whole of Kikoskriat and it's not a nice affair. It's naturally run by the government but I think they're going to close it and put the pandas up for auction that are there. There aren't many - two, maybe three last time I looked? I've no idea who'd want to bid on them, but I get the feeling a collector might try for them or worse... a trophy hunter...

...I don't know what you're able to do, but you've got to do something! I can't sit by and let the pandas dissapear into the world market or worse, to someone's dinner plate! I'll get you any information you need but please, reply to this covertly... I don't want people to find out that I'm doing this...

**ERROR -- SENDER UNKNOWN :~ ENCRYPTION LEVEL BETA 6Ab()**

To: All Nations
Subject: Panda Profiting
From: The Resi Corporation

It has come to the attention of ResiCorp that Panda meat is, frankly, delectable, and is considered a delicacy in several of the corporation's more wealthy provinces. However, Pandas are not a naturally occurring species in the Resi Corporation, and thus, we would be willing to pay $10,000 a head for Pandas. Please not that we are accepting live Pandas only, as some care must be taken while they are still alive to ensure maximum flavor.

With Money,
CEO Jai Resi

You can't do that! Eating Pandas is a serious crime and offense in Hardurmia and many other nations! We will not stand for this abomonation! All nations please rally to the defense of Pandas everywhere! We will not let this occur!

To: All Nations
Subject: Pandas in Kenavt
From: The Confederacy of Kenavt

We have pandas, yes. We like our pandas, yes. Our pandas like us, yes. We have a nice relationship with our pandas.

But we believe it is time for this to end. We are willing to sell half of our around 5000 panda population to the highest bidder. Let the bidding begin!

Signed,

Kenavt
Duke Andy da Vincho

You can't do that! Eating Pandas is a serious crime and offense in Hardurmia and many other nations! We will not stand for this abomonation! All nations please rally to the defense of Pandas everywhere! We will not let this occur!

It's a darn good thing we're not in any of those other nations then.

Fingers dripping with steak sauce,
CEO Jai Resi

From: Chancellor Lucius Blackhelm
To: Hardurmian Leadership

The Blackhelm Confederacy would like to donate ten million dollars to the effort to save the pandas. We are a very environmentally conscious nation, and are willing to support any and all forms of environmentalism. Any additional funds needed by Hardurmia to dened the panda are available upon request.

To: All Nations
Subject: Pandas in Kenavt
From: The Confederacy of Kenavt

We have pandas, yes. We like our pandas, yes. Our pandas like us, yes. We have a nice relationship with our pandas.

But we believe it is time for this to end. We are willing to sell half of our around 5000 panda population to the highest bidder. Let the bidding begin!

Signed,

Kenavt
Duke Andy da VinchoWe put in a bid for a good $25 million.

CEO Jai Resi

OFFICIAL COMMUNICATION
of the
UNITED SOCIALIST STATES OF BURTILANA


Our nation is also very environmentally minded, and would like to bid $100million for these creatures

President
Vladimir Burte
Environment minister
Micheal Frusciante

The Kiravian Empire increases its donation to 78 million dollars.

$150 Million. We already bought the panda-sized deepfryer, we need to get our money's worth.

CEO Jai Resi

OFFICIAL COMMUNICATION
of the
UNITED SOCIALIST STATES OF BURTILANA


Let it be known that if we win the bid for these pandas, we shall donate them to Hardurmia

President
Vladimir Burte
Environment minister
Micheal Frusciante

We here 150 million..... any responses to 150 million?

I'll give until tomorrow for a final verdict since I have to go in a couple of minutes.

$400million, and 10 newly aquired F-20 Tigershark fighter aircraft


Ok, you hear $25mil from me :D

Though the top offer is there if you want it

President
Vladimir Burte

$500 million. And a cadre of 100 R-bots.

Those aircraft aren't worth two beans, let alone 5,000 succulent pandas.

CEO Jai Resi

The current best offer is from the Resi Corporation, 500 million USD and 100 R-bots. What are they? If they're anything but MT, I can't accept them.

By the way, I'm selling 2500 pandas, so Resi is paying 200 thousand a panda.

The current best offer is from the Resi Corporation, 500 million USD and 100 R-bots. What are they? If they're anything but MT, I can't accept them.

By the way, I'm selling 2500 pandas, so Resi is paying 200 thousand a panda.
(OOC: Ah, I didn't see the half bit. The R-Bots are PMT, and can be seen here:
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=557131 )

You can keep the R-bots.

We are offering to buy 500 of the pandas for $12,500,000 or 250,000 per panda.

Unless Resi ups his bid to 625 million, I will accept that offer and the number of pandas being sold will decrease to 2000.

That means, at 500 million for 2000 pandas, you will be dishing out exactly 250 thousand a panda.

That makes my head dizzy.

Resi, you have 10 minutes to up your bid, otherwise you will be paying 500 million for 2000 pandas.

OOC: Wouldn't I be paying $400 Million for 2000 pandas? Or $200,000 per panda?

I offer the amount you are asking of Resi, along with the 10 aircraft.
So does that mean my offer is better? Everyone always wants more aircraft, expecially if they are free!

625 million + 10 fighter planes for 2500 pandas:D :D

The Resi Corporation will let these hippies have their pandas at such an inflated price. We leave you with a passing thought, though - what if this was all part of a scheme on our part to move money towards like-minded nations?

That said, Kenavt, would you be inclined to sell us a breeding pair of your remaining 2,500 pandas for 10,000?

CEO Jai Resi

OFFICIAL COMMUNICATION
of the
UNITED SOCIALIST STATES OF BURTILANA


I thank you for bowing out.
Hardurmia, We offer these 2500 Pandas to you to take into your sanctuary.
President
Vladimir Burte

Telegram from The Nation of Hardurmia
Panda Affair
Formal Thanks

Thank you for your generous offer. We will take care of the Pandas with grat respect. In response, we send you H$10 Million. Thank You for saving these creatures from cannibalism by evil coporations.

OOC: Jesus Christ, people. You do realize that somewhere, in Nationstates, there are nations where people farm pandas (say, ALLANEA)? And that the most expensive canned hunt IRL tops out at around $4000, for animals far more expensive than pandas?

OOC: Jesus Christ, people. You do realize that somewhere, in Nationstates, there are nations where people farm pandas (say, ALLANEA)? And that the most expensive canned hunt IRL tops out at around $4000, for animals far more expensive than pandas?
(OOC: For my part, I was purposely inflating the price, like I claimed to be doing after the fact IC. :p

I figured anyone who believed strongly in that sanctity of life codswaggle would top whatever offer I made, lest they send a sizable group of pandas to an untimely demise.)

We are willing to accept the offer of Burtilana, though we are curious to know the type of fighter aircraft.

We also accept the offer of the Resi Corporation.

From: Chancellor Lucius Blackhelm
To: Hardurmian Leadership

The Blackhelm Confederacy would like to donate ten million dollars to the effort to save the pandas. We are a very environmentally conscious nation, and are willing to support any and all forms of environmentalism. Any additional funds needed by Hardurmia to dened the panda are available upon request.

OOC: ROFL!!!!

IC:

We agree that pandas taste good. They taste even better slathered in Mustard.

The Holy Empire of Lich King Azrael has recently opened its own Panda Preserve to curb the recent habit of eating our new national animal, and will furthermore donate 2 billion Sestertii (valued at 2.6353 Sestertii to the dollar) to the efforts of the Hardurmian preservationists. Our Holy Undying Imperator does not usually donate to such causes, but he has foreseen the utter destruction of these rare creatures and has placed plans in motion to annul the predicted losses.

For the Glory of Our Deathless Lord,
Tiberius Herennius Bonus, Vassal of The Most Holy Lich King Azrael, Immortal Imperator of the Infinitely Holy Empire