NationStates Jolt Archive

Message to the World,

Trillionaire Jimmy James, owner of Jimmy James Industries, is seeking a wife. He is 5' 9" and 48 years old. He asks that all applicants fill out the below form.

Applicant Form:
Name:
Age:
Nationality:
Hight:
Weight:
Eye Color:
Hair Color:
Short Bio:
Networth (in USD):
Reason Why You should be considered to be Jimmy James's Wife:

Photo of Jimmy James:
http://www.nndb.com/people/596/000024524/stephen-root-sized.jpg

Name: Ross Kirke
Age: 17
Nationality: Yorkshire
Hight: 6"0
Weight: 12 stone
Eye Color: Brown-Green
Hair Color: Black
Short Bio: i enjoy spending wods and buying things with lots of money i would make a very good business partner my uncle has a villa in spain he is vari rich and we would be good frends
Networth (in USD): mani wods
Reason Why You should be considered to be Jimmy James's Wife: even though im a bloke i think wed work well as you have wods and i really like wods so we could buy porches and itd be awesome

Name: Ross Kirke
Age: 17
Nationality: Yorkshire
Hight: 6"0
Weight: 12 stone
Eye Color: Brown-Green
Hair Color: Black
Short Bio: i enjoy spending wods and buying things with lots of money i would make a very good business partner my uncle has a villa in spain he is vari rich and we would be good frends
Networth (in USD): mani wods
Reason Why You should be considered to be Jimmy James's Wife: even though im a bloke i think wed work well as you have wods and i really like wods so we could buy porches and itd be awesome

To Mr. Ross Kirke,

I am sorry to inform you that Mr. James has turned down your application for marriage. He has also taken out a restraining order against you, and wishes to inform you, that if he ever sees you, he will shoot you, in self-defense, of course. The restraining order has a distance of 1 mile. If you continue to contact Mr. James, he will sue you, for harassment.

Signed,
Atticus Finch
Mr. James' Official Legal Council,
Finch, Hilbrich, Koch, and Poole Attorneys at Law

Name: Susan Hikison
Age: 45
Nationality: Uir
Hight: 1.7 m
Weight: 80 kg
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: brown-orangish
Short Bio: I was born an' raised in Fokiri. My pa is a uranium miner an' my ma stayed at home. My pa has been forbiddin' me from having a relationship since ma x-boyfrind got me pregnant. I had an abortion which is why I ain't married.
Networth (in USD): $1,000
Reason Why You should be considered to be Jimmy James's Wife: I'm pretty and I could do anything you want me too. An' I can speak english.

Name: Susan Hikison
Age: 45
Nationality: Uir
Hight: 1.7 m
Weight: 80 kg
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: brown-orangish
Short Bio: I was born an' raised in Fokiri. My pa is a uranium miner an' my ma stayed at home. My pa has been forbiddin' me from having a relationship since ma x-boyfrind got me pregnant. I had an abortion which is why I ain't married.
Networth (in USD): $1,000
Reason Why You should be considered to be Jimmy James's Wife: I'm pretty and I could do anything you want me too. An' I can speak english.

To Ms. Hikison,

I am interested in meeting you in person. Enclosed is a plane ticket, if you wish to meet also, just get on the plane, and a car will pick you up when you arrive. Also, if you could send a picture, it would be very helpful in finding you once you arrive.

Signed,
Jimmy James,
CEO, Owner,
Jimmy James Industries

To Jimmi James;

I will take tat plane to your country an I will be wearing a shirt which is blu green an oranje. It will be plaid. I will wear denim pants. If you think its me just get my attention. I will have a strong Uir accent. I pronounce te letter 'y' like 'j'.

Name: Zdkalrgerotlp Jalfjerrguetylhoafjerppagjerlavnfoibor
Age: 16
Nationality: Gwljdodnfyglijjijipi
Hight: 1,366 mm
Weight: 1,167 oz
Eye Color: Viridian
Hair Color: Mahogany
Short Bio: Zdkalrgerotlp was bred in the finest Gwljdodnfyglijjijip wife training camps and is considered to be one of the exemplary candidates for wifehood.
Networth (in USD): $1,476,050 + tax and shipping & handling
Reason Why You should be considered to be Jimmy James's Wife: Zdkalrgerotlp is capable of a wide variety of tasks, including cooking, cleaning, fetching sammiches, giving birth to and taking care of children, and fulfilling almost all other necessary household functions, and she makes a great addition to any home! In addition, if you order today we'll throw in her cute li'l house-trained puppy, Pzgaw, absolutely FREE!

Name: Zdkalrgerotlp Jalfjerrguetylhoafjerppagjerlavnfoibor
Age: 16
Nationality: Gwljdodnfyglijjijipi
Hight: 1,366 mm
Weight: 1,167 oz
Eye Color: Viridian
Hair Color: Mahogany
Short Bio: Zdkalrgerotlp was bred in the finest Gwljdodnfyglijjijip wife training camps and is considered to be one of the exemplary candidates for wifehood.
Networth (in USD): $1,476,050 + tax and shipping & handling
Reason Why You should be considered to be Jimmy James's Wife: Zdkalrgerotlp is capable of a wide variety of tasks, including cooking, cleaning, fetching sammiches, giving birth to and taking care of children, and fulfilling almost all other necessary household functions, and she makes a great addition to any home! In addition, if you order today we'll throw in her cute li'l house-trained puppy, Pzgaw, absolutely FREE!

To Zdkalrgerotlp,

I apologize, but I do not feel that you are right for me. Thank you for taking the time to apply for this position.

Signed,
Jimmy James,
CEO, Owner,
Jimmy James Industries

A letter arrives in the mail of Mr. Jimmy James.

Contained within is a single photo.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44434000/jpg/_44434575_markdixie203.jpg
On the reverse of it is written "lots of love sexy xxxxxxx".

When Mr. Jimmy James opens the letter, Ross is watching through his high-powered binoculars he bought for many wads.

A letter arrives in the mail of Mr. Jimmy James.

Contained within is a single photo.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44434000/jpg/_44434575_markdixie203.jpg
On the reverse of it is written "lots of love sexy xxxxxxx".

When Mr. Jimmy James opens the letter, Ross is watching through his high-powered binoculars he bought for many wads.

Ross is shot, and his body is thrown into the ocean.