NationStates Jolt Archive

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Excerpt From: The Times

According to a decree by Grand Comrade Leader Big Brother all country music in Rovanuvistan or any music associated with country such as country rock is hereby banned on punishment of imprisonment or after more than 4 offenses the penalty of death by firing squad. All records, memorabilia, CDs, or digital tracks that are found that violate the new act will be burned over the next two months in huge public bonfires, you are also obligated if you are not searched to turn in all material breaking the new law. If any material is found after the duration of the two months that breaks the law the owner shall be imprisoned.

Official Statement

"The Realm commends..." *checks for nation name* "Ah yes, Rovanuvistan, for its efforts to eliminate this infernal sound of Satan refered to as 'country music'. As a reward, thee are hereby awarded a cookie (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/9a/Choco_chip_cookie.jpg/800px-Choco_chip_cookie.jpg). Have a nice day."

Tom Borin
Undersecretary to the Undersecretary to the Janitor to the ninth Secretary to the Junior-Most Aide to the Accountant to the Third Undersecretary to the Secretary to the Royal Advisor on Unimportant and Insignificant Affairs

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The Armed Republic of Catawaba
An Official Communication from the Alpha Miraade Jedith Errant

Mister Grand Comrade Leader Big Brother,

I would love to congratulate you for Oh-so-clever plan. Your infinite wisdom and dull soup spoon wit has awed the world no doubt.

As you are banning any form of music associated with country music, will you be banning folk, rock'n'roll, blues, Celtic, and various forms of spiritual musics?

From an Exasperated Heart,

Jedith Errant
Alpha Miraade

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To Catawaba:
We believe speaking such words to a nation much larger than yours is ill advised, especially with our grand military arsenal and an army of over 250 million, with many more to conscript. As a reaction to your words laced with aggressiveness and stupidity all Catawaban (OOC: is that correct?) residents in the Ingsocian Republic of Rovanuvistan are being rounded up and sent to interment camps until all the words you have said have been withdrawn. We also have declared an embargo on all your goods which we will pressure our allies to follow also. That is all.

Thomas Abbott
Chief Party Secretary of Minipax

So digital tracks will be burned as well?
Hmm, sounds like that will just perpetuate the problem :p

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So digital tracks will be burned as well?
Hmm, sounds like that will just perpetuate the problem :p

No, computers containing digital tracks will have their hardrives wiped clean as punishment.

As long as gangsta rap is protected, we will not attempt to intervene in the internal affairs of a sovereign nations.

Yours,
Atrurian Foreign Ministry

(( 250 million? Your entire population is 500 million. You couldn't support a society with half your entire population in the military. ))

The Spire, Magna Polis;

Nobody really liked Country Music. But, because the Spire Staff was cynical and had a good sense of humor, something would be done.

Quickly, the Spire's Internet and Computer Applications Unit (Known jokingly as the telecommandoes) began their prank. The "Telecommandoes" sat behind numerous proxies, an alternate operating system, mobile computers, and wireless internet capabilities. Even if a trace was picked up by Rovanuvistan, it would appear as a civilian computer. These people were by far the greatest computer wizards in the GWO, which was considerably filled with computer-saavy people.

The unit began their attempt at infiltrating the . If successful, the entire nation of Rovanuvistan would be flooded by Country's Greatest Hits. Anyone watching public TV or listening to public radio stations would be hit with the newly banned music, followed by a digital voice (Microsoft Sam) saying, "Fuck yer' gangsta rap, YEEEEEEHAAAW. Now I'm gonna go home and have sex with my sister! BOY HOWDY!"

((OOC: Rovanuvistan, your military numbers are severely wanked. 50% of your nation in the military would mean you have NO means whatsoever of economic growth. You wouldn't even be able to feed most of your population.))

Bravo

-Andre Romell,
-Eric Wright
MDC, FMNM

OOC: There is no economic growth, the government is the economy. Most people live in horrible poverty, and I exaggerated, around 150 million are in the military, and the rest of the adult population except the Inner Party are hard at work at factories or in the different Government organizations.

The government of The American Privateer laughs at Big Brother. Country Music may not be popular with the man who calls himself Big Brother through attempts to compensate for his lacking, but the banning of a style of music for the entire population cannot occur forever. Dissention shall occur, and for every man, woman, or child you kill, four True Believers shall become Double-Thinkers, and two Double-Thinkers shall become Dissenters. We warn you, in your infinite wisdom to take a light hand with this.

"While the Revolutionary People's State of Magdha questions the wisdom and validity of this ban, no action will be taken, in either support of or in opposition to it, as it does not effect our nation. Your internal policies are your own to decide as you see fit."

Dr. Joe M. Rothman
Commissioner of External Affairs and International Cooperation

OOC: I just finished 1984 and I thought, I wishd there was an Ingsoc nation, and when I read the post, I just wanted to stop you and say,"Dude..."

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Bowen, Ban is “Attacks the Principles of Freedom of Speech… doubleplusungood”

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California Secretary of State Debra Bowen (R)

SACRAMENTO, California Republic- In a press conference, California Secretary of State, Debra Bowen condemned the nation of Rovanuvistan’s banning of country music, stating that,
“This goes beyond the principles of freedom of speech that the world abides by, and, to put in Newspeak, it is doubleplusungood.

However, no actions were taken, saying that, “California sees no need to take any actions at this time.” However, she opened the topic of engaging in talks with the Rovanuvistani government, saying that,
“We will consider, if they [Rovanuvistan] let us, to send several Senators on a bipartisan mission to see what is going on in there/”

The Allaneans did not bother declaring war on Rovanuvistan. In fact, officially, nothing happened. Strangely, however, from various Allanean bases, hundreds of ships went out to sea. They were scheduled to conduct 'routine naval search-and-rescue exercises' a safe 320 miles away from the Rovanuvistani shore – far outside traditional limits of national territorial waters. Satellites were reoriented.

And from the Allanean foreign service, a message was sent to the Rovanuvians – approved by the President himself:


You accuse the Catawabans of being aggressive, and threaten them with your pathetic parody of a military? Ha! You amuse us.

"I think this ban is ridiclously stupid. This is a great example your government has no better thing to do than torment and torture their people by taking away the greatest music of all time. "

Sincerely

HIMH
Emperor Miamorga

The Assembly of Citizens of Arispont condemns your nation's oppression of ones right to listen to whichever genre of music they wish to. We believe that all citizens of the world should be able to do as they wish. However, we wish to have no quarrel with you and look forward to strong economic ties in the future. The practices of your nation do not come in the way of your being a trading partner! Our economy is very large, by they way, so it would in your best interests to not cut ties with us.

Sincerely,

Angelos Eirenaios
Currently Elected Representative of the Assembly of Citizens

To Catawaba:
We believe speaking such words to a nation much larger than yours is ill advised, especially with our grand military arsenal and an army of over 150 million, with many more to conscript. As a reaction to your words laced with aggressiveness and stupidity all Catawaban residents in the Ingsocian Republic of Rovanuvistan are being rounded up and sent to interment camps until all the words you have said have been withdrawn. We also have declared an embargo on all your goods which we will pressure our allies to follow also. That is all.

Thomas Abbott
Chief Party Secretary of Minipax


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The Armed Republic of Catawaba
An Official Communication from the Alpha Miraade

Chief Party Secretary Abbot,

Sir, I have had my intelligence service investigate your nation. While you do spend larger amount of your budget and a larger amount of your nation's currency upon defense, I'm afraid it is more a paper tiger than the iron lion you paint it to be. In equivalent amounts of Universal Standard Dollars, your nation spends roughly fourteen billion more than Catawaba.

At a rough sum of 280 billion USD, I would find it amazing if you could adequately pay, support, train, and equip a force of 150 million. That equates to roughly to 1,866.66 USD per soldier yearly. You couldn't support an infantry man for that much. Catawaba allocates roughly 266 billion USD to defense. Contrary to the frequent typographical errors wrought by WA gnomes, my population is actually 142 million. With active and reserve forces of our volunteer military combined, I field a 1.4 million member military. Our ratio of expenditure to soldier comes to 190,000 USD per soldier.

So while you might be able to out cannon fodder us, burying us under a tsunami of your dead...I heavily expect you will have mutiny before that point...I can afford to treat my military as something more than conscript riflemen. I can supply them with the best training and best weapons that money can buy, there by providing my men and women in uniform with the sort of force multiplier to even the odds.

My initial missive was not aggressive or stupid. I find that it was heavily laced with sarcasm and, if I may say so, a great deal of wit. You have been the one to show aggression and knee-jerk prejudice. Personally, I like country music. However, I like a great deal of music of all sorts of genres. I have heard all my life the inconsiderate urbanite that chuckles to themselves and elbows their friends in the ribs and giggles to themselves about how country music should be banned. It is not original, not revolutionary, and not that funny. It is childish.

I made no move to place sanctions against you. I expressed my disapproval in Catawaban tradition of making light of mistakes in hope that the foolish would grasp their errors and there by learn from them. As much as it shocks and surprises me to find myself agreeing with the Allanean Foreign Service, they are correct. You are the first to threaten hostile action.

Now allow me to address your threats.

Your embargo will not affect us to any great deal. We could care less, really. I'd never heard of you up until this point. However I'm sure with our broadening relationships both diplomatically and economically with our regional allies that we can survive whatever slack or loss incurred. Especially since our GDP is nearly twice yours.

I will not need to place an embargo upon your goods. I suspect that the people will soon boycott your goods of their own will and action. We Catawabans don't take to supporting totalitarian dictators economically. Anyways, I'm sure Tanaara or Tarlachia make nicer things. I imagine most of the goods coming out of your dystopian empire are of poor quality that would disgust any right-minded Catawaban.

Your threat against my people I take quite seriously. First, know that Catawaba does not negotiate with rogue nations such as yours. Second, I doubt your threats are any more than the same paper thin 'doubleplus ungood duckspeakry' that you have spewed thus far.

I severely doubt you have any Catawabans. We have only recently freed ourselves from an oppressive, psychoatic dictatorship like yours. With that fresh in our minds, I can't imagine any Catawaban that would 'reside' in your country much less pass through it. We have active diplomatic relations with the WA, our region mates, and Cookesland, so it is not a diplomatic staff.

Should you have, as I doubt, a wayward Catawaban, we will not negotiate. I do however call your attention to our national motto, "Speak courteously, deal fairly, and defend tenaciously." I am doing the first now as much you deserve.

To the second part, I wish no conflict. I don't care what you do within your own nation. It has no effect upon my nation. I will not withdraw any of the words I have given out thus far. So I say, we go our ways. You don't make this affect my nation, and I will not address the third part of Catawaba's motto.

From a firm, intrepid heart,

Jedith Errant
Alpha Miraade, Commander and Chief
Armed Republic of Catawaba

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Stoklomolvi Secretariat of State
7656 Hegemony Drive, Administrative Compound, Office Complex 7C, Hallway 52L, Room 89
Vladistov, Stoklomolvi

Encryption Level 0, Null Encryption
To: [OPEN COMMUNIQUÉ]
Subject: General Statement

Stoklomolvi applauds Rovanuvistan on its ban of country music, though poses the question of whether wordless bluegrass is banned as well. On the note of Catawaba, we would advise Catawaba to stand down and allow the larger nations, such as Allanea, to deal with whatever your problem may be. Hundreds of nations on this earth have military budgets of over one hundred trillion, that is, $100,000,000,000,000, and with that money they field armies of tens of millions of troops from their populations of billions. Catawaba, like Stoklomolvi, are minnows in the large pond, and ought to stand down from a major international incident if you wish to live. Stoklomolvi would definitely not want to get involved in a major nuclear war.

Regards,
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Grigor Aleksandrovich Stuyonovich
Civilian Management
Minister of Foreign Affairs
Acting Leader

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The Armed Republic of Catawaba
An Official Communication from the Alpha Miraade

Minister Stuyonovich,

I apologize if something has been lost in translation. My nation has not mobilized or threatened military action. I have merely 'stood up' for my nation, something that any Catawaban would do. I hold no aggressive intent but have affirmed that Catawaba will stand in defense of its people if provoked.

While I do appreciate the 'care' you have shown us in warning a 'fellow minnow' to stay in shallow water, I would like to correct you. If we must talk in small fish analogies, I liken Catawaba to a mimic blenny rather than a minnow. We are small, yes, but we defend ourselves vehemently and appear much weaker than we actually are. While I would not provoke armed conflict unless it was unavoidable, Catawaba will not allow her citizens to be harmed. We did not gain our independence by allowing 'bigger fish' to do the work for us. We appreciate the help where we can get it, as we recieved by a concurrent rebellion in another, seperate colony, but we fight our own battles, sir.

And if the previous paragraph is a misunderstanding of your message and you worry for Catawaba since we are so small and spend less than a hundred trillion and have an army less than tens of millions, 10s of 1,000,000s and have a population less than billions, 1,000,000,000s, then worry not. To utilize another fish analogy, I would liken Catawaba to a clownfish drifting daintly amongst the deadly tendrils of a sea anenome.

From the heart,

Jedith Errant
Alpha Miraade, Commander and Chief

As long as gangsta rap is protected, we will not attempt to intervene in the internal affairs of a sovereign nations.

Yours,
Atrurian Foreign Ministry

"Gangsta rap was banned in our nation long ago, literally within days of the Generalissimo's assumption of power."

Dr. Joe M. Rothman
Commissioner of External Affairs and International Cooperation

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Message to All: Wordless Bluegrass is not technically legal, but not illegal either, since it does not fall directly in the category of music banned. We shall accept no envoys or senators or other evil politicians corrupt our people. Your threatening words amuse us Catawaba, for the Andorrans are more threatening to us than you.

Big Brother

320 miles away from the Rovanuvistani shore

Grand Admiral Francesco Janton stood upon the main deck of the carrier USS Glorious Victory. Arrayed behind him were Aquila second-line tealth aircraft, prepared for launch. Before him was the camera of the Army Public Relations Office, taping his speech.

“Greetings, Big Brother. Get acquainted with my face. You will see it in future news for the next few weeks. You see, President Kazansky has not seen your nation's pathethic, miserable government worthy of his personal attention. Instead, he sent me. I am in command of 300 ships of various kinds, from carriers to nuclear powered heavy hovercraft, to Arsenal ships. I am also in command of orbital weapons satellites. You know what this means, Bro? Let me make a small demonstration.”

A single Thor satellite in orbit fires its weapons – all sixteen of them.

High-powered tungsten rods race towards the surface, their targets preselected by orbital surveillance. When they hit, they each cause a powerful explosion – think about five hundred tons of TNT each. The main offices of the Ministries of Love, Truth, Peace, and Plenty are targeted with two of these 'rods from God'.

Eight more 'rods' are dedicated to power plants around the capital of Rovanuvistan.

“Now, Brother, let me acquaint you with the naval firepower of the United States. Observe, for the record, the USS Amnon and Tamar. “

On screen, a large arsenal ship is seen. She is of the Torrent class, equipped with 1200 missile launch tubes. Even as the camera zooms in to show the main deck of the ship, the tube hatches slide open. Missiles rise on glowing, angry pillars of fire and smoke. The writing added by loading crew on the sides of the missiles is visible clearly. DEATH TO THE COMMUNIST, CLEANSE THE SOCIALIST, PURGE THE BUREAUCRAT STATIST, and ALEX SAYS HI are but some samples.

Their targets are not visible on screen, of course – they are the key air defense facilities in Rovanuvistan. The missiles will be evenly divided against them.

“This is but one of four ships which are even now firing their weapons at you. One targets your air defenses, one your communications centers, and two of them will hit the coastal defenses on the nearest stretch of shore - four thousand eight hundred missiles in total, carrying HE and thermobaric warheads. As I mentioned, half of them will be concentrated on the stretch of coast nearest to this battlegroup, namely, on a 50-kilometer stretch of said coast merely 320 klicks from me, attacking anything that even looks like a military installation in that area.”

“Oh, and Allanea is now at war with your pathetic nation.”

To: Government of Rovanuvistan
From: Office of Czar Ptolemy I
Subject: Catwaban Detainment

Having noted with some confusion the outlawing of country music in your nation, we are rather displeased to note the seizure of Catawaban nationals within your borders. West Corinthia officially demands the release of these prisoners.

Signed,
Czar Ptolemy I

SIC to Allanea (OOC: We are unaware of your attack)

My reconnaissance has informed me of Allanean naval movements around the nation of Rovanuvistan. Please inform me of any action you plan to take in this matter, as West Corinthia would seriously consider supporting you. You may send a reply via this same encrypted channel.

Allanean Response (SIC):

Our plan is to crush the Rovanuvistani Army, overthrow Big Brother, and hopefully to instill a democracy, or, failing that, to kill as many Inner Party members as we can and profit as much as possible.

OOC: Allanea, don't turn this into a coup, please be realistic.

To all countries: The Catawaban prisoners have been released from interment camps and have been put under permanent house arrest.

Well, as Catawaba stated in previous notes - there are NO Catawabians in Rovanuvistan so there were none in the internment camps, and there are now none under house arrest...

and as for Allanea being realistic, he is... for him...this is standard proceedure for him against new nations, particularly those that annoy him. please note the lhis last profit as much as possible.

and just an NOTE: Please, Rovanuvistan, your use of that particular font is extremely annoying and unprofessional. How can you expect others to take the time to read your posts and respond to them when you are using a a font that is so hard to read. If you MUST use it could you please confine it to your sig?

OOC: OK, thread ended, since people do not like roleplaying realistically.

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Excerpt From: The Times

According to a decree by Grand Comrade Leader Big Brother all country music in Rovanuvistan or any music associated with country such as country rock is hereby banned on punishment of imprisonment or after more than 4 offenses the penalty of death by firing squad. All records, memorabilia, CDs, or digital tracks that are found that violate the new act will be burned over the next two months in huge public bonfires, you are also obligated if you are not searched to turn in all material breaking the new law. If any material is found after the duration of the two months that breaks the law the owner shall be imprisoned.

'Big Brother has finally broken Billy Ray Cyrus' fragile heart.'

Overlord Sheikh Navarrone in response to the news that country music had been banned in Rovanuvistan.

OOC: OK, thread ended, since people do not like roleplaying realistically.

OOC: Pah, you were the one being unrealistic..

Anyways,

IC: The Socialist State of Exetonia applauds the actions of Allanea and would like said nation to note that any financial losses they may incur during this can be part billed to our government. We would gladly pay out several trillion dollars to see you squash this annoying bug on the political map!

OOC: OK, thread ended, since people do not like roleplaying realistically.

OOC: NS is not a 'realistic' fantastic universe. It has nations with 10-billion populations going at each other with mile-long battleships. That's in MT. In FT you have guys who blow up gas giants.

OOC: Well jesus nobody starts a war over country.

OOC: I bet Saddam Hussein wishes he could have told the Americans and the British they weren't being realistic to avoid being overthrown...

Purely OOC:

Rovanuvistan, to a great degree you brought this on yourself. You had to go and make a huge (visually) post about how Country Music was banned in yur nation.

While it is perfecly within your rights to do so, it was - more than anything else - the way you went about it.

If you had started a general 'News from nation xyz', and casually mentioned -in among other things -that it had quitely been noted that country music formated radio stations were being bought up and converted to another style of music, and that country music musicians were finding it impossible to find venues to perform at ( all at the hidden hands of the governemnt of course)...I bet no one would have noticed, much less posted anything.

You laid a challenge out and you are expectuing it to NOT be taken up?

And just as an aside - banning country music is realistic how?

Purely OOC:

Rovanuvistan, to a great degree you brought this on yourself. You had to go and make a huge (visually) post about how Country Music was banned in yur nation.

While it is perfecly within your rights to do so, it was - more than anything else - the way you went about it.

If you had started a general 'News from nation xyz', and casually mentioned -in among other things -that it had quitely been noted that country music formated radio stations were being bought up and converted to another style of music, and that country music musicians were finding it impossible to find venues to perform at ( all at the hidden hands of the governemnt of course)...I bet no one would have noticed, much less posted anything.

You laid a challenge out and you are expectuing it to NOT be taken up?

And just as an aside - banning country music is realistic how?

As realistic as music and books were controlled in the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany.

OOC: Besides, since a capitalist revolution (like the ones that happened in the Soviet Union) is underway in my nation (although I have not officially announced it yet), making all previous posts void. And we do not have a coast to attack Allenea, I forgot to mention that.