NationStates Jolt Archive

WAR!
Izistan in state of war.
APOC and Trimuvariete of Yut to submit to Izistani rule.
Copyright Battleford International News service.

Speaking from the Battleford University Jimmy Carter Center for Strategic Studies, Imperator Zedlacher issued a declaration of total war to the APOC and Triumvirate of Yut alliances:

"The Alliance for the Protection of Civilization is a complete misnomer. this collection of Questers and its slave-states has no purpose but eventual Questerian world domination. Already our brave agents in Clandonia have signaled that military build ups in Questerian military bases are being done with one goal: the subjectation of Izistan.

We have also recived word that the Triumvirate of Yut is backing this illegal power grab. As they are a motley collection of Space Elf pirates, justice shall be mettled out swiftly. All persons of Elvish nature in Izistan will be collected post-hence for storage in one of our newly constructed storage facilities. No, these are not concentration camps. They are Happy Fun Time Libertarian camps. Completely different you see.

Our fleets have put to see, air defense forces stand ready. Our mighty Aerospace force is at this moment preparing to sortie against ZMI and ToY air and space assets; the Ron Paul Lunar Battlestation is at this moment charing its Ayn Rand main cannon system. Victory shall be total.

I ask that God in his wisdom favor Izistan in this battle. We shall have no mercy on the foes of the Imperium. Thank you and God bless you all."

A united Vojvodina-Nihon has expressed its intention to stand behind the Izistani stand against the standing powers-that-be of the world.

"Despite its comparative military inexperience, Vojvodina-Nihon is prepared to withstand any and all assaults; for we understand that in the heat of battle alone it is that the strong, who stand, are separated from the weak, who fall. It is time to show the world that Vojvodina-Nihon stands for justice and the forces of greatness, and it is unafraid to stand tall and proud on the global battlefield," standing Puppet Monarch Alistair I said, in a speech that garnered him a standing ovation while, in the background, concession stands sold miniature Death Stars.

It is widely believed that Vojvodina-Nihon is mobilizing its standing army of over 50 people, including at least one who wields a gun. Officials have confirmed this, adding that they hope the enemy will surrender quickly to avoid total destruction. The declaration of support comes as something of a surprise, given that the Vojvodina-Nihon government has usually been seen as standoffish at best.

"We are happy to have our Vojvodina-Nihonese comrades together in this global war on ass-banditry."

We are watching this carefully.

Signed,
Somebody Important
Some Department in the Wolfenhalle Government.

We fully support is war of conque...I mean war of liberation. We of Kontor are willing to help in the rape and explotatio....I mean war of freedom and justice.




Ministry of selfishness-----Kontor

INVASION OF MARS ANNOUNCED.
Aerospace Force gears up for first blow against Space Elf trade unionism.

Copyright Battleford International News service.

Aerospace Force officals today announced that the first step in the War of Universal Liberation from Un-Libertarian Oppression had been accomplished.

"Our Preved class assault craft has reached its production stage. We anticipate the first wave of Space Marines to begin transit to Mars within six months.

Also we plan to patch KDE2 under FreeBSD in a matter of weeks."

Aerospace officals also released this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NcjA3alf4A) of the Questerian King having "relations" with a number of furries.

WE WILL NOT FALL!

BROTHERS, WE WILL NEVER GIVE IN!

- Inspirational message sent by Finarfin Galadriel Glorifindel, the-head-elf-in-space, while arming his anti-matter-rifle-gun-tank.

"we will never surrender to your trade unionism elf! Prepare to feel the icy cold laser of death!!!"

:mp5:

We will fight until the end!

- Finarfin Galadriel Glorifindel, reported while in the shower. He also reportedly followed this up with a rude symbol.

Meanwhile, trimuvariete_of_yut-ian soldiers began to arm and move towards Izistani holdings (or what they thought was Izistani holdings).

Of course, the sudden increase in galactic debris had no correlation to this. None at all. Uh-uh. Nada.

The BYOB bombs were loaded into three ZMI-made Type 900's and prepped for launch.

When the order came down to the crew they took off and headed for the Clandonian border. Unfortunately they got lost and deployed the weapons over Axis Nova.

Axis Nova thus became very BYOB.

Official Statement

lulz


[signed]
Tine Amandadatter
Undersecretary to the Undersecretary to the Junior-most Aide to the Second Secretary to the Royal Advisor on Lulzy Affairs

Official Statement

lulz


[signed]
Tine Amandadatter
Undersecretary to the Undersecretary to the Junior-most Aide to the Second Secretary to the Royal Advisor on Lulzy Affairs


"Cotland is henceforth teemed Xeno Horriblis and a partner in the GAY AGENDA. Report to Imperial Command for termination."

Meanwhile, Finarfin Galadriel Glorifindel began to power up the super-gun-laser-thing. Unfortunately it backfired.

Poor Finarfin Galadriel Glorifindel.

Cirdan Celebrimbor Elrond Gleowyn Flefarfliforial nas Tirion Girthas Salammbo Yip Yip Kaboodle Aremithil Noryathon Ilgasar Isuldir Giltheraniel, a certain Lord of Vojvodina-Nihon, has stated: "We shall work together with our Izistani allies to secure Mars and rid it of the ToYish plague, but our ultimate aims are grander. Our goal is nothing less than the total destruction of the ToY and/or APOC! We shall stop at nothing until the vile Menelmakajalopendrans, or maybe the Doomingslandoquestarielkyans, are utterly ruined and disappear forever from the face of the universe. For the God-Emperor!" He then proceeded to bash his own brains out with a hammer.

OOC: God, I am losing so many brain cells by posting in this thread, it's not even funny.

The Imperator in all his great wisdom summoned tank expert and all around 100% hetrosexual badass Jon Catalan to Moonbase RON PAUL for tea.

"HELLO SIR I WISH FOR YOU TO EXPLAIN TANKS TO ME."

"Okay, but first-"

"I MUST LOVE YOU."

"Wha-"

"IN THE BUTT."

So they did.

(to the sweet sweet voice of barry white might I add)

Official Message from whatever timeline you chose here, cause it doesn't matter, cause I'm still Anagonia

Its nice to see that you take so much interest in Mars and the like, and I suppose you'll be going outward in Sol to the other moons and planets and such! How nice! Just be warned, if you so much as creep past the asteroid belt, towards any of our outposts, you'll be annexed.

Have a nice day,
Caster Oblivion
Chief of Foreign Affairs and Activities
Message End

HUGE EDIT

Can anyone say SPAM?

"Oh shit. That god damn Jew just took a dump on my lawn!"

"Well fuck me."

"Oh god. Its the dump of the muthafookin century man!"

"Okay..."

Look! A swathy chap wearing an anime t-shirt with a sign! "Will Litigate 4 food. Washburn grad." Its the answer to our prayers Jancy!"

"I'm not Jancy."

"Whatever asshole"

And so two guys filed a lawsuit against all Jews everywhere. In all time. It was awesome.

Its nice to see that you take so much interest in Mars and the like, and I suppose you'll be going outward in Sol to the other moons and planets and such! How nice! Just be warned, if you so much as creep past the asteroid belt, towards any of our outposts, you'll be annexed.

Have a nice day,
Caster Oblivion
Chief of Foreign Affairs and Activities


OOC: Outer system stuff is coming in another thread doodz.

OOC: Outer system stuff is coming in another thread doodz.

OOC:

OZMGWTFBBQ, so much spam..

The Imperator, after his "session" with Mr. catalan, went and knocked on a random door in the moonbase.

"Excuse me sir do you have Prince Albert in a can...?"

The door flew open to reveal five tonnes of very pissed off pink fuzzy worm with a big toothy mouth.

"CHTORR!" It said.

"Well fuck me" said the Imperator.

A certain slant-eyed man rode to the moonbase, perched upon a compressed ball of frozen gas.

"HELLO I AM A PAULESTINIAN I COME WITH TIDINGS OF GREAT JUSTICE" said he as he landed.

As an official member of the ministry of busybodyness, please allow me to say the following. "LUL WHUT???" That is all.





Ministry of busybodyness-----Kontor