NationStates Jolt Archive


The most EVIL weapon ever invented.

Yanitaria
02-01-2008, 23:49
OOC: This was too cool to post in just my storefront, I wanted to share this unique weapon. Sorry if the write up is a bit hard to read. I edited it extensively. It began as a 155mm howitzer round, there may be some awkward wording.

The reporters had gathered to cover the unveiling of a new weapon that the Yanitarian government had promised they would not want to miss.

A senior official from Yanitarian Arms, flanked by a general from the marine corps and the army spoke. "It is with great pleasure that I give to you, the 'Banana'."

A screen came to life, showing live video of the missiles being fired in field tests, and a voice that explained what the background.

Psychological Warfare Artillery Round, Model 155, "Banana"

PWAR-155 "Banana"

This unique missile was the result of an office party gone terribly wrong. The head designer at Yanitarian Arms was celebrating his birthday at the company firing range when the other designers unveiled their secret side project. They fired the Banana from an MLRS system, and it landed right in the middle of the cake.

The annoying "Banana Phone (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wky5H1xC6-I)" song started playing at 100dB (which is enough to cause permanent hearing damage if exposed for long enough). Luckily, the entire city was able to evacuate before any permanent damage could be done.

However, it led to the new PWAR-155. This missile can be fired into enemy camps to disrupt sleep, damage hearing, and induce psychosis by playing the "Banana Phone" song at 100dB. The missiles themselves are very durable, and use a micro turbine to power their speakers. They only last about 2 hours, so continued bombardment is necessary. They have a simple tempo measurement system and microphone so that all speakers in the area sing together, to maximize the effect.

The missiles are heavy, and often hard to move. Normal activities, such as sleeping and reading, are near impossible to carry out whilst the speakers are playing.

The Yanitarian Military asked that a remote device be made available to commanders in case their weapon was used against them. Engineers, not wanting the device to be reverse engineered, included small, credit card sized photocells, and strung phosphorous packets over all the vital areas. As a redundant system, a pressure plate was also added. If the missiles are opened, the lack of pressure sends the signal to ignite the phosphorus. If the pressure plate fails to activate the photocells will send the signal.

Finally, as a last resort, water-soluble bags were also packed in, filled with sodium. If the device is held under water, the vital systems will still ignite.

The device has a range of 60km, and is air droppable as well.

"The Banana missile will be available for purchase from the Yanitarian Arms online catalog. Now, we will be taking questions from the press."
Nathrin
03-01-2008, 00:49
OOC: SO MUCH WIN! Sorry, had to caps that one, it was so awesome.
Yanitaria
03-01-2008, 00:55
thanks!
Daehanjeiguk
03-01-2008, 01:16
Since it is obvious that a well-prepared army equipped with noise-canceling earmuffs could combat against such a dastardly weapon, we are wondering if this weapon will be made available in a psychic version, that implants the song into the mind directly rather than be sound. If possible, we could finance this project.

ooc: nothing in this post is expected to be taken seriously. We are not responsible for any problems associated with this development, up to and including psychological problems of soldiers afflicted with BSOD (Banana Song Omnipresence Disorder). We strongly encourage the world to condemn this form of unconventional weaponry by laughing with a gallon of milk snorting out of their nostrils, and we further encourage the makers of this weapon to be condemned likewise to death by suffering the evils of their spawn. We bid you good night and good day.

And to the maker of this thread, you get a special cookie. :D
Third Spanish States
03-01-2008, 01:23
For each "banana" launched, we shall drop a gay bomb in retaliation

OOC: I posted this for the LULZ
Epsilon Halo
03-01-2008, 01:30
You should have one that sends the vibrations into the ground. Make the whole WORLD your soundplate. My PsyWD-190 Apocalyphone does that. And it plays explosion soundtracks, nuclear detonation sounds, and bomb drop soundtracks at 190db. Bad thing is, it doesn't exist anymore.
Anagonia
03-01-2008, 01:35
OOC:

Dude, this is like....total win...
Errikland
03-01-2008, 06:39
OOC: So amazing. Unfortunately, everyone else beat me to it, so just know that I'm in agreement with the win, lulz, and cookie giving.

Yanitaria, man, awesome.
Kostemetsia
03-01-2008, 07:29
Kostemetsia proposes a modification to this song - the most annoying warhead ever would undoubtedly play the Crazy Frog song.

OOC: EPIC LULZ!!! LOL ROFLMAO!!! D00DZ WIN!!!1112oopsipressedtwo-etc...
Yanitaria
03-01-2008, 20:36
Yeah, and the best part is that it's totally serious. This weapons is feasible, so says the draftroom.

And as for earmuffs, good luck waking everyone individually, or giving orders, or telling them to get out of the way because there is real artillery.

Also, heavy earmuffs aren't issued regularly by most armys.
Arche-Makedonnia
03-01-2008, 20:44
lol

but this weapon it is rather unfair... I still prefer my nuke cannons
Alfegos
03-01-2008, 20:46
We wish to wonder if:
1 - The units are bulletproof
2 - The units are explosive proof
3 - The units are able to be shut down by an EMF/EMP
4 - The units can be destroyed by heat
Yanitaria
04-01-2008, 03:27
The device is reasonably bullet proof. We went through great pains to make sure that this device could not be easily silenced. It also will be able to take a grenade, but much larger explosives will be needed to silence it.

However, moving the missiles once they are fired is troublesome, and so it would probably take longer to move them than they would last. Finally, even if you did get it to an area where it could be detonated, destroying them all would be very expensive, and use up key enemy material.

It will also be able to withstand Electromagnetic fields, and magnets, but not an EMP. However since EMP blasts are potentially deadly to near by humans, and definitely deadly to enemy electronics, using them on a large scale is difficult.

And finally, it can be destroyed by heat, however, the temperature needed is simply impractical for an infantry camp. A flamethrower, given a few minutes could destroy it, but might also set the camp on fire. A blow torch might do the trick, but only portable ones, and that would also be impractical.

As a final note. The enemy can hardly risk to destroy the Bananas when they are under an artillery barrage. Using the PWAR-155 in conjunction with regular artillery greatly increases their effectiveness.
Errikland
04-01-2008, 03:38
Yeah, and the best part is that it's totally serious. This weapons is feasible, so says the draftroom.

And as for earmuffs, good luck waking everyone individually, or giving orders, or telling them to get out of the way because there is real artillery.

Also, heavy earmuffs aren't issued regularly by most armys.

True, but more elite soldiers may already have more advanced versions of such equipment to deal with sound problems on the field, with communication apparatuses within them. That being said, such things are not cheap, so the average foot soldier in most armies is not going to get such equipment.
Yanitaria
04-01-2008, 03:40
Indeed, and elite soldiers will have the most tolerance of psych warfare anyways.
Errikland
04-01-2008, 03:44
Indeed, and elite soldiers will have the most tolerance of psych warfare anyways.

Good point.