NationStates Jolt Archive

The Acme Corporation, proudly manufacturing all kinds of useless things since 1896, is pleased to introduce its latest product.

Really don't like another nation? Do its domestic policies leave a nasty taste in your mouth, is it posturing aggressively towards smaller nations, or is it just pissing you off? Normally, what folks do is go and declare war. Deploy ships, send armies, fire missiles. But all that military technology is awfully expensive! Now, for low, low prices, the Acme Corporation introduces its innovative new Diplomacy™!

What is Diplomacy™, you ask? Diplomacy™ is a special product whereby problems between you and another nation can be resolved within the course of mere days and with minimal expenditure of capital! No more costly missiles to buy, no more soldiers to tear from their homes and families, no more bad press and protests on your capitol steps! And best of all, Diplomacy™ is proven to work even for small and underdeveloped nations, whereas traditional war usually leads to you being occupied by an international coalition!

Acme offers several Diplomacy™ packages. First are the Diplomacy Classes™. Send your foreign ministers and your ambassadors to Novi Sad for a weeklong Diplomacy™ seminar, or arrange for classes in your nation! Learning Diplomacy™ has never been easier. Another option is Rent-a-Diplomat™, our diplomatic service. Send us a dossier of relevant information, and we'll send you a free Diplomat™ to whatever conference you desire! We also offer numerous other products, such as The Big Book of Diplomacy™, The Abridged Book of Diplomacy™ , The Pocket Book of Diplomacy™, and A Diplomat™'s Dictionary; our patented Diplomatic™ mugs and T-shirts; and much, much more!

You're probably already wondering how you can get your Diplomacy™. You'll be pleased to hear that, for our Winter Special, you can take advantage of a limited time offer. For Diplomacy Classes™, the first two classes are absolutely free with subsequent classes costing only $400 a session! For Rent-a-Diplomat™, the first two days are free if you order through December 25! The Diplomacy™ Books and many other products have also been reduced in price! Buy your Diplomacy™ today!

Products Available:

Diplomacy Classes™ -- $400 a class, free for the first two classes; seminars $1,800
Rent-a-Diplomat™ -- from $875 to $1650 per day, free for the first two days
The Big Book of Diplomacy™ -- $39.99 (reduced from $54.99 through December 31)
The Abridged Book of Diplomacy™ -- $19.99 (reduced from $30.95 through December 31)
The Pocket Book of Diplomacy™ -- $8.79 (reduced from $13.49 through December 31)
A Diplomat™'s Dictionary -- $13.99 (reduced from $19.98 through December 31)
Diplomatic™ Mugs -- range from $3 to $9 with the patented Diplomacy™ logo; come in white, blue, maroon, green, cyan, and black
Diplomatic™ T-shirts -- range from $14 to $52; available in XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL, Elf, and Dragon; colours include white, cyan, blue, green, black, maroon, and pink featuring the Diplomacy™ logo (with the words "I Support Diplomacy" in a blue band around the image of two hands clasping each other).
Other products TBA.

Diplomacy™ and all other associated products are registered trademarks of the Acme Corporation. Use only with permission.

It is regrettable that sensibility is now a packaged, plastic consumer product slapped on a lunchbox and sold to the world at large.

- Dylan Malcolm, Professor of Mathematics, Columbus State University, Republic of Mazataka

ooc: pure hilarity

(OOC: When you state that you will 'furnish' a diplomat, are you suggesting that you will RP as an ACME Diplomat sent to another nation? That would be something that would actually be useful.

Of course, this thread is full of win anyway.)

(OOC: When you state that you will 'furnish' a diplomat, are you suggesting that you will RP as an ACME Diplomat sent to another nation? That would be something that would actually be useful.

I'd consider it, yeah, although the quality of the diplomat would depend on the payment -- with lower end diplomats responding to their opponents with brilliant rebuttals such as "That's what your mom said last night!", and higher end ones continually citing precedent.

It might also be fun to roleplay a diplomacy seminar. "All right class, for this assignment Maximus wrote 'GTFO COMMIES'. Can anyone tell me why this is not as diplomatic as 'Dear Sir, Due to your policy of economic collectivism, we must request that you depart this immediate area at once'? Yes, Hartman, in the back."