NationStates Jolt Archive

"We'll be back right after a word from our sponsors..."

The commercial flashes across screens for the first time ever, a risky marketing tact by Buy & Sell, to sell an even more risky product.

A king is crawling about in a lavish palace, wheezing, and screaming about industrial fumes. He starts to go into a choking fit, when a young prince goes up to him holding a canister entitled Sapphiric Ocean, and the prince tells him, "Father, it's a miracle! The Buy & Sell Corporation has answered our prayers! We can keep our industrial economy strong, and have a healthy populace!"

With that, the prince applies the canister to the dying king's mouth. Instantly, he is revived, and appears to be in his mid-twenties. "By God, what is this wonderful thing? I feel as though I could jump over the palace!"

"It's Buy & Sell's new, ingenious invention! Bottled air! With all the pollution in the world, it's a godsend! They even get it to come in exoctic flavors, father. And the poor can afford the regular stuff too! Now our army can be revitalised to end the war, and save the capital from the barbarians. Our country is saved!" the prince exclaims, dawning a canister with the words Prarie Plain on it.

The scene fades away, and pictures of the various air flavors, such as Top of the World, Tropical Paradise, Boreal Forest, and Temperate Lakeside, with the prices under each of them, ranging from ten USD's to fifty USD's. Finally, the Suburban Dream comes across, at the price of two dollars. A voice over meanwhile explains that each canister has enough air to supply an average man for a full day, and that the air has been scientifically tested to be of maximum safety by over seven organizations.

OOC: You know the arrangement. Tell how many of these sell in your country a year.

Official Mandalorian Message

The Tyrannical Mandalorian Empire would like to inquire upon the Domestic Production Rights of these ingenius items. If said items cannot be acquired, we wish to purchase an estimated 300 million units of bottled air per year. Thank you in advance.

~The Mandalore.
-Supreme Ruler of the Tyrannical Mandalorian Empire.

Unsurprisingly, the commercial failed to pass the necessary broadcast criteria of the Taerkast Royal Advertising Standards Bureau, and was not permitted to be shown on Taerkasten airwaves. The TRASB cited several violations of the misleading advertising legislation, particularly highlighting the perceived suggestion that the product could radically reverse ageing in the manner depicted.

Without any effective marketing campaign, and after being labelled as a 'ridiculous farce' by the few people who had heard of it, the product failed to achieve a foothold in Taerkast markets, and few, if any, stores chose to stock it.

Official Corporate Telegram:
To: The Mandalore; Maldorian Empire
From: Tucker E. Boot; Buy & Sell Incorporated
We regret to inform you that domestic production rights for this particular product are not availabe, and it has been completly trademarked, and copyrighted for a period of no less then one hundred years. However, if you let us to set up our factories in your nation, we can domestically produce it for you! No need to worry about industrial fumes, everyone will be busy breathing the sweet, pure air we produce.
Economically Yours,
-Tucker Evah Boot; Duke of Medepolis, Governor of Media, Industrial Emperor of Great Vantania, King of Vantanian Commerce, Chief Executive Officer of Buy & Sell Incorporated, Richest Man in Great Vantania

Almost immediately upon the announcement of 'bottled air', the Dyelli Beybian Fruit Company began to brazenly produce a product in identical packaging, stealing the brand name and filing for a Trade Mark as under Dyellian law, foreign companies are not entitled to Trade Marks in Dyelli Beybi. Immediate export began. Unfortunately the Dyellian product will not pass safety inspections in any countries able to detect hazardous levels of ether. On the plus side it also made the Dyellian product more fun and addictive...

OOC: Bump for the profitz

OOC: Bump for the lulz

To: Tucker E. Boot; Buy & Sell Incorporated,
The Holy Empire of The New True Cross would like to extend to you the rights to produce your product in our nation. We will fund the construction of an enormous factory complex with the expected expansion to meet the ever growing population's needs. We would be looking for your company to put out about 750 million bottles a year, which the government will buy and then resell, at an exorbitant profit, and only to those they see fit. After the recent civil war there is need for a quick solution to the labor shortage, and your product can help get the nation back up on its feet.

In God's Name,
Minister of Economy and Finance:
Elector Doctor Justin Leash

Official Corporate Telegram:
To: Elector Doctor Justin Leash; Ministry of Economy and Finanace; The New True Cross
From: Tucker E. Boot; Buy & Sell Incorporated
We will, of course, accept this bargain deal. Pleasure doing business with you. It is always a pleasure to assist a nation in making an economic comeback. This is as much of an aid to us as it is to you, trust me.
Economically Yours,
-Tucker Evah Boot; Duke of Medepolis, Governor of Media, Industrial Emperor of Great Vantania, King of Vantanian Commerce, Chief Executive Officer of Buy & Sell Incorporated, Richest Man in Great Vantania

To: Tucker E. Boot; Buy & Sell Incorporated

We are most pleased, and have begun construction of the afore mentioned plant in preparation of you arrival. My our nations prosper!

In God's Name,
Minister of Economy and Finance:
Elector Doctor Justin Leash

Official Corporate Telegram:
To: Elector Doctor Justin Leash; Ministry of Economy and Finanace; The New True Cross
From: Tucker E. Boot; Buy & Sell Incorporated
We thank you, and have but a few questions. Do you want normal air, or luxury air? Also, is it acceptable to employ guards to protect the factory complex from theft and enviromentalist raids? It's happened before. Of course, the local populace will be hired for the work, determined by need.
Economically Yours,
-Tucker Evah Boot; Duke of Medepolis, Governor of Media, Industrial Emperor of Great Vantania, King of Vantanian Commerce, Chief Executive Officer of Buy & Sell Incorporated, Richest Man in Great Vantania

Official Corporate Telegram:
To: Elector Doctor Justin Leash; Ministry of Economy and Finanace; The New True Cross
From: Tucker E. Boot; Buy & Sell Incorporated
We thank you, and have but a few questions. Do you want normal air, or luxury air? Also, is it acceptable to employ guards to protect the factory complex from theft and enviromentalist raids? It's happened before. Of course, the local populace will be hired for the work, determined by need.
Economically Yours,
-Tucker Evah Boot; Duke of Medepolis, Governor of Media, Industrial Emperor of Great Vantania, King of Vantanian Commerce, Chief Executive Officer of Buy & Sell Incorporated, Richest Man in Great Vantania

To: Tucker E. Boot; Buy & Sell Incorporated
Guards are acceptable, however, we would prefer if they carried non-lethal weapons. As for employing local citizens, we are more grateful then we can explain. Your business should help to get us out of the economic slump. We are just looking for the normal air. If business goes well and the economy picks up we shall upgrade to luxury, but for now the average citizen cannot afford it.

In God's Name,
Minister of Economy and Finanace
Elector Doctor Justin Leash

Official Corporate Telegram:
To: Elector Doctor Justin Leash; Ministry of Economy and Finanace; The New True Cross
From: Tucker E. Boot; Buy & Sell Incorporated
We had gathered roughly that you were in an economic slump. Of course, as stated in the prior telegram, the workers will be picked by a combination of need for work, the unemployed, and skill to work the job. We will also hire local guards of course, with locally produced weaponry. And, as a sign of good will, I am investing personally five hundred million Universal Standard Dollars in your government, interest free for ten years.
Economically Yours,
-Tucker Evah Boot; Duke of Medepolis, Governor of Media, Industrial Emperor of Great Vantania, King of Vantanian Commerce, Chief Executive Officer of Buy & Sell Incorporated, Richest Man in Great Vantania

OOC: Bump for Kirav