NationStates Jolt Archive

Recently Dyelli Beybian scientists have discovered a huge but fatal flaw in the previously internationally recognised 'IQ' system of judging theintelligence of an Individual.

In a recent cohort study, Dyellian scientists have discovered that foreigners regularly score nearly as highly as true blooded Dyellian citizens. "Clearly such creatures, being of unsound mind by definition of their birth, cannot possibly score even as highly as a lowly 'homosexual monkey', which as we know can enjoy considerably more rights under the Dyellian constitution that a bloodthirsy foreign devil." stated notable scientist, Dr. Harvey Oswald, "Obviously this test is flawed and requires immediate changes, such as the inclusion of questions such as;

Who is the assiciate Minister of Finance?

Which famous Dyellian invented the sheep?

And what was the population of Agua Sucia as of the last census?"

Many notable Dyellian scientists have been quick to endorse the new 'DQ' or 'Dyellian Quota' asd being a much more accurate representation of the intellectual capacity of the individual, Dyellian or otherwise.

Dr Crippen, the Minister fore Foreign Affairs (and Diplomatic Blunders) has reccomended all blok pakrahs (foreign devils/moronic imbeciles *term from Vrakian) repent their evil ways, pay a considerable tribute to the Dyellian State and adopt the new DQ standard lest they be faced with the wrath of Allah, a great flinging of sandals, and the harshest economic sanctions known to mankind.

Blunders)[/size] has reccomended all blok pakrahs (foreign devils/moronic imbeciles *term from Vrakian) repent their evil ways, pay a considerable tribute to the Dyellian State and adopt the new DQ standard lest they be faced with the wrath of Allah, a great flinging of sandals, and the harshest economic sanctions known to mankind.

Answer from The Lone Alliance:

No. :P

-Ministry of dealing with stupid evil nations.

Official Communique of the Freethinker Government

This is really very silly indeed.

Eveyrone knows sheep weren't invented! They're simply clouds which drifted too close to the ground and got stuck on twigs.

And Agua Sucia is actually a line of health drinks run by a small middle aged woman with one eye out of her living room in Port Blance.

How such a test can function when so obviously flawed is beyond us.

By the way, when do you want that lawnmower returning.

Yours in good faith,

Sir Alan Talbot,
Defence Minister and Occasional Secretary to the Silly Things Department

Answer from The Lone Alliance:

No. :P

-Ministry of dealing with stupid evil nations.

We demand an immediate payment of Kr 1 billion (US$12 billion), payable to 'King Vrak the indestructible' for the insult to the stupid evil Nations of Klatch, and a further Kr 1 billion payable to 'Dr Crippen, Minister of Foreign Affairs (and Diplomatic Bludners) in exchange for the lack of naval blockade of the Lone Alliance Coast.

Regards,

Dr Crippen,
Minister of Foreign Affairs (and Diplomatic Blunders)

Official Communique of the Freethinker Government

This is really very silly indeed.

Eveyrone knows sheep weren't invented! They're simply clouds which drifted too close to the ground and got stuck on twigs.

And Agua Sucia is actually a line of health drinks run by a small middle aged woman with one eye out of her living room in Port Blance.

How such a test can function when so obviously flawed is beyond us.

By the way, when do you want that lawnmower returning.

Yours in good faith,

Sir Alan Talbot,
Defence Minister and Occasional Secretary to the Silly Things Department

Ah yes, but it was indeed the great Trevor NcHaggis of Quisa who invented the process whereby a cloud may be induced to drift downwards and bind to a wooden instrument such as a stick.

The lawnmower may be returned next Tuesday, I don't think I'll be busy then.

We have heard 0f Matron von Klomp and her theft of Agua Sucia's pure river water. Indeed we have this to say; the prescence of strontium alone does not constitute a heath drink.

Regards,
Dr Crippen,
Minister of Foreign Affairs (and Diplomatic Blunders)

Response:
Do so and your fleet will be sunk or captured by the time you reach our waters. However we will still mail a coupon book to 'King Vrak the indestructible'. containing things such as: a free car wash, free fries with a meal, 50% off in steam cleaning your home, and more. And a payment of 500,000 Belorussian Rubles.
-Lone Alliance Ministry of dealing with Stupid Evil nations. (That's the actual name of TLAs Foreign affairs Ministry Branch of dealing with potential enemies.)

Secret IC:
Lone alliance deploys defense force

(Forgot to mention Belorussia was a former NS nation that would vote against every single economic issue, therefore their inflation was around 30000 to a dollar.

Your pathetic posturing foreign Nation is as nothing compared to the might and irrefutable moral and racial superiority of the Dyellian people. If it is our whim, your navy shall be put to the sword in a display of the invulnerable Dyellian Navy. Allahu ackbar! You shall be beaten back with the sandals of our feet, wretched camels! Your leader will be bridled as a horse and ridden around town by an obese Colonel of the illustrious Dyellian army, before being boiled down and used to flavour a new brand of Cola.

Warmest regards,
Dr Crippen,
Minister of Foreign Affairs (and Diplomatic Blunders)

To all nations,

As you have all used the word sheep™ at one point or another, I must demand that you pay my company $1 Trillion for each time you used the word, as it is the copywrited intellectual property of, Sheeps™ 4 Less Inc., "We pull'em out of the sky, and pass the savings right on to you"©. Thank you, and please make your checks payable to Sheeps 4 Less Inc.™

Your Freind,
Tiberius J. Shepard
CEO,
Sheeps 4 Less Inc.™

(The word Sheep, and Sheeps 4 Less Inc. are registered trademarks of Sheeps 4 Less Inc.™ The Slogan We pull'em out of the sky, and pass the savings right on to you, is the copywrited work of Sheeps 4 Less Inc.™)

OOC:
This is rather funny. Although note that my nation has no official IC stance on this. I'm laughing at it OOCly.

Open Letter

To Whom it may concern;

This recent motion by the government of Deylli Byebi has come to the attention of that most august, ancient, and venerable civilisation, the Grand Galactic Royal Interstellar Federated Sovereign Parliamentary Democratic Imperium of Siev, Kash, and Avalon. More specifically, her Interstellar Majesty, by the Grace of God, John II Leyden (may his name live forever), read of the events in a local publication, and had several responses.

The High King of Siev, Emperor of Kash, Sovereign of Avalon, President of the Galactic Parliament, Marshal of the Royal Sievian Ground Army, Admiral of the Royal Sievian Star Navy, Admiral of the Royal Sievian Surface Navy, Who sits upon the Ruby Throne, Holder of the Iron Goblet, Wearer of the Leydene Crown, Pope of the Interstellar Church of God, Slayer of the Warp Dragon, and Bearer of the Thrice-Blessed Thrice-Cursed Oaken Staff of Plato -- to quote but a few of John II's many titles -- is believed to have said, upon reading of the new Dleyyian motion, "No wai!!!1 they r srs????222two o_0"

The High King then reportedly stated repeatedly the phrase, "XD." A few moments later He continued: "if u think we gonna pay u $$$, ur rong. we haev teh 1337 ski11z lol. :P teh iq tests r not flwd, i got a 170 so i r nt stpid, u forienger. u taek it bak or i snd 71475855848473 sapceshps 2 dstory ur natoin. :mp5: :mp5: :mp5: :gundge: :gundge: " The High King subsequently partook of His ninth serving of diluted ethanol-based fluids contained within bottles of tinted blown glass, expelled several carbon- and hydrogen-based gases from His oral cavity, and fell over in a state of regal unconsciousness. His consort, the High Queen Cordelia, had to summon a servant to remove Him from the room, but meanwhile She contributed Her own comment upon the matter.

"We, High Queen of the Imperium, hereby laugh uproariously at the demands of the Dyelian State, and note that no changes to the current IQ test will be made except upon the urging of trained professionals. Moreover, We advise that the demands made by the Dr. Crippen are of a particularly undiplomatic and belligerent nature, and a less honourable State might take Dr. Crippen's words as provocation to impolitic or rash behaviour, such as declaring a state of war or erasing Delyli Bebyi from its collective Palm Pilots. We also urge the Dleiyan State to disregard the words of Our honourable husband, due to His apparent state of inebriation at the time those messages were sent."

If you wish to respond to these comments, please write to the Royal Department of Customer Service.

-- Sir Eglantyne the Audacious
Knight of the Red Gate, Courtier for the Royal Department of Sanitation and Public Works, Earl of Forecastle, Son of Billy-Ted the Brave

Federation of Visayan Peoples
Foreign Affairs Committee
505 Kamagayan St., Ubec City

Greetings to the Nations Engaged in the Intelligence Debate!

Our government has observed this academic discussion and wish to express how we feel.

LOL


Sincerely,
(Sgd.)Roderick Salazar
Chairman, Committee on Foreign Affairs

Statement by Dr. Crippen, Minister for Foreign Affairs (and Diplomatic Blunders)

First we wish to let it be known, that while we acknowledge the Intellectual Property of Foreigners, we realise that not being of any known Intellect, this property is in fact void. In order to claim Intellectual property, it is first important to prove oneself an 'Intellectual', by sitting the internationally recognised DQ test.

*muttering in background*

Yeah it's recognised, people have recognised it exists.

Secondly, Dyelli Beybi wishes to display the information kindly submitted to us by the King of Vovodna-something as evidence of the need to improve the IQ test. Take the DQ test today!

On top of that Dyelli Beybi is pleased to announce that we are in the process of developing a six step program to cure people of being a foreigner and allow them to incorporate much more easily into society. As a bonus this scheme of 'citizenship' has also been known to raise a subject's DQ score by up to 100%!

Who is the assiciate Minister of Finance?


A Castillian civilian taking the test suddenly said, 'Wtf is a an assiciate?' He then looked at his partner with a stupid look on his face and went on, 'Damn, I suck.'

The Alfegos Ministry of God-Mode
All hail the light of an unspecified number of generic N00ks...

Alfegos wishes to give its response in....

(Pause after the ministry of procrastination intervenes)

Ah yes, there it is... well Alfegos thinks that the DQ test could to with a few extra questions such as:

- What is Brown and Sticky?

- What is pink and Fluffy?

- What is blue and fluffy?

- What is red and fluffy?

Then you will have a true DQ test...

_____________________________________________________

Response from the Ministry of Intentional errors...

Sorry, that message was actually from the Ministry of pointlessness.

______________________________________________________

Ministry of Jokes
Lulz

Did you hear about new crematoriums being built in the area?
Where you ask?
Burnham and Cookham

(Pause for laughs and procrastination)

A week later...

Sorry, this is random...

___________________________________________________

For questions, please direct comments to the ministry of Pointlessness, the Ministry of Jokes, the Ministry of Randomness, the Ministry of Excessive Buerocracy and the Ministry of "Damn I lost the public records in the mail..."