NationStates Jolt Archive

In "Hail the DICTATOR in all his glory", I mentioned my leader, Emperor Raincedar, hearing of Kazulia in a small article in NS Leader's Weekly. It was originally intended as a joke, but it gave me an idea. Why not make a magazine for NS Leaders?

Each issue is to be published every week or so, and the content et. al, is up to the contributers. We'll also take out advertisements from the storefronts and such. It should not be a new thread, but a collection of various events, and other interesting articles that our IC leaders would find amusing.

So, who's in?

me and my puppets.

that weekly magazine would be weekly in RL time... would it?

Yes. RL weekly. IC weekly is daily, no? THanks for your interest.

My IC daily is actually monthly when I'm not at war. That way, my government will change every few months of IRL time.

I'd definitely be interested in doing something like this though.

Excellent! Welcome aboard, Vetalia.

*Kirav
*Brutland & Norden
*Vetalia

I think we should get started when we've got 5.

Sure, I'd be intereted...what would we have to do exactly?

It'd certainly be interesting.

I'll stick up with some Alfegos news stories: I can do about 5 a week.

However, I won't be able to do it this weekend, as I am on a 2day army camp.

Depending on what you're looking for, I might be interested. But that's pending.

I'm in.

Why not? I'll join.

Kirav
B&N
Vetalia
Vontanas
H-Town Tejas
Alfegos
Roseberg
Pan-Arab Barronia

I guess we can get started now.

As for what we'll be doing:

Anything that you think an NS leader would find interesting or funny. An advice column on how to deal with legislators, the latest state dinners, an ad for nuclear submarines, a gossip column about that Prime Minister's sex scandal over in Kirav. Anything. If all goes well, we could have some recurring articles & such.

Anything that you think an NS leader would find interesting or funny. An advice column on how to deal with legislators, the latest state dinners, an ad for nuclear submarines, a gossip column about that Prime Minister's sex scandal over in Kirav. Anything. If all goes well, we could have some recurring articles & such.
Ads trying to look for a spouse? Horoscope for world leaders? Speed dating with world leaders? gossip column per se? Fashion for world leaders? (best dressed and worst-dressed in a summit!)

I'll try to join. I've been pretty busy lately, so I might drop out unexpectedly.

Are news stories about international events okay?

Ooh! Can I write a column? I've always wanted to do that.

I already do a Snefaldia Newswire, but sure, I'm in.

I'm in, this looks cool

we should do an article where we roast a national leader each week

I'm in, this looks cool

we should do an article where we roast a national leader each week
Ah yes. Then we'll do a taste test:

Who is the most delicious world leader?

Count me in! I've been considering doing a newswire for a while now.

I'm in. I'm thinking of having a section called The Cazelian View

The Shade of Emily Post is wrapping her ghostly digits around my ankle...Etiquette for National Leaders -question and answer style......Kirav, can I do that?

Looks up at the plot kitten perched happily on her head and grins evilly...

I can have Lord Sumguy (the character) do a contreversial and mildly offensive opinion column, where he will state his veiws on international affairs.

Ads trying to look for a spouse? Horoscope for world leaders? Speed dating with world leaders? gossip column per se? Fashion for world leaders? (best dressed and worst-dressed in a summit!)

Awesome! Go ahead!
--
The Shade of Emily Post is wrapping her ghostly digits around my ankle...Etiquette for National Leaders -question and answer style......Kirav, can I do that?

Excellent idea.

--

I'm in. I'm thinking of having a section called The Cazelian View

Sounds pho! Go ahead wit it!

--

Count me in! I've been considering doing a newswire for
a while now.

Cool. Welcome.
--


I'm in, this looks cool

we should do an article where we roast a national leader each week


Awesome!

--
Ooh! Can I write a column? I've always wanted to do that.

WHy not?

---

I can have Lord Sumguy (the character) do a contreversial and mildly offensive opinion column, where he will state his veiws on international affairs.

Sounds good. Damn. This is getting very good, very quickly.

Hides mouth discretely behind palm and giggles madly.

So, is this a continuous thread deal or a TG deal?

I could also have some AL official do a religion article.

Count me In! I've always wanted to be in a project like this! I'd love to do a weekly column, I'd like to do something like
"Wars Today: The war column" if that's ok. But i may need some help.
What would it be about?
Maybe the wars going on today, and the leading nation if any. I could also add links to the thread,
I 'll need about 2 people, not counting me

That is, if i can join, thanks,
ISEY
Incorporated States of East Ying

Ill be in.

Can I ask how this would work? Would we telegram our contributions to you and you pick the best ones to feature in a weekly post, or would it be an open thread where we all can post our articles/features as inspiration hits us?

I'll say yes, either way.

So, is this a continuous thread deal or a TG deal?

Thread, although each issue should be compiled into 1-3 posts. Sending abridged telegram editions to subscribers could be done as well, though.

I could also have some AL official do a religion article.

Sure.

+Whoever asked to be in is welcome.
--

Okay, so here's how it goes:

Every week or so, we add a new issue to the thread. Each of you has your columns, plus any news or other things you'd like to add, and advertisements from the storefronts.

In addition, as Vontanas may have suggested, we could also send out small TG editions to random nations in Gameplay.

So, those of you with a column/article in mind, start writing your debut. Once most everyone's done, we can compile it and figure out how it should be organised.

++If anyone here is good with graphics, could you make a logo?

Can I ask how this would work? Would we telegram our contributions to you and you pick the best ones to feature in a weekly post, or would it be an open thread where we all can post our articles/features as inspiration hits us?

I'll say yes, either way.

Neither, everyone writes what they proposed to, posts it here, and we collaboratively decide how it should be organised, and what if anything, must be omitted.

I'm good with pixels and photo-manipulation, if that helps.

Sure. See what you can do.

--Kirav, Editor-in-Cheif

so, should our first colums be introductory, or should we launch straight into news stories?

This sounds great, I am so in. Could I do a religious column about my religion?

Awesome! Go ahead!
Would you like it to be a joke/humorous horoscope, or a serious one?

[OOC: Is it just me, or does Kylesburgh's map look suspiciously like it was designed in Sim City 4?]

[OOC: Is it just me, or does Kylesburgh's map look suspiciously like it was designed in Sim City 4?]
[OOC: Yes it is.]

(OOC: Its not you)

Fascinating.

Back on topic, can I ask, aside from general interest topics, like horoscopes, advice columns, and (hopefully lighthearted) articles on leadership and governance, can we submit articles about our own leaders?

I can't wait to start writing articles from a Vetalian perspective. Everything will be coated with the same degree of elitist, materialist greed that embodies our entire culture.

I'll also have to write about Vetalian plutolatry as part of our religious beliefs.

so, should our first colums be introductory, or should we launch straight into news stories?

A bit of both. Give a 1-3 sentance description of your column, and take the first stab.

Kylesburgh, I reccomend hunourous horoscopes.

Beatus, you may certainly do a religion column.

Fascinating.

Back on topic, can I ask, aside from general interest topics, like horoscopes, advice columns, and (hopefully lighthearted) articles on leadership and governance, can we submit articles about our own leaders?

Of course! Run them by me first by TG, though, ok?

Splendid I will start work on it posthaste.

Right-o, then.

I would like to help but previous RL obligations might get in the way.

I like it.
What's the plan?

Oh and excuse the late entry...

I like it.
What's the plan?

Oh and excuse the late entry...

THink up a column or something that you'd like to do, and write your first edition. THen post it up here so we can decide how to include it in our first issue once most people are done.

I can be a mock photographer for your articles; I'll just manipulate photographs.

I was thinking a current affairs, type article, you know, a bit of light hearted genocide hear and there. All reported on like Morbo out of Futurama, but by my gloriously savage leader 'Consul Gaius Kadesh' instead. (Yes, for the leaders, by the leaders)

Of course, Current Affairs is highly likely to be already taken, but its such a wide topic that more than one 'journalist' would be needed to cover it.

GO ahead, NP and Stoklomolvi.

Post it in this thread and wait for everyone else.

First Article

Walking the Path
By Edwardo Listless

In this article I’m going to give my religious perspective on current events or whatever I fell like talking about, so if I start going off in some crazy direction, please bear with me. That being said, lets get down to business. I was leafing through the news paper this morning when I read that DoubleWideville has outlawed atheism. Maybe they should have outlawed intolerance. This move goes against every moral fiber in my body. I’m a man of religion my self, but I won’t force it on people. Maybe whoever’s in charge over in DoubleWideville this week should take a look at what that book he’s talking about is all about. It’s just as bad as persecuting a religion. If he was persecuting Jews, or Christians. How would DoubleWideville like it if I came over there and stated lobbing to make it illegal to be Christian? They’d run me out of town, which is what they should do with whatever crack-pot’s in charge over there. Anyone with half a brain knows that religious intolerance is a very bad path to start down. I appeal to the intelligent people over in DoubleWideville to cast down this intolerant government. I also call for morally intelligent nations of the world to open up they’re arms to refugees who are fleeing this evil tyrant. You know I didn’t want to mention his name, but I figure if you made it this far you deserve to know, this despicable despot’s name is King David the II, and let me just say to him, you sir are despicable.
(The views expressed in this column are solely those of the columnist Edwardo Listless, and do not reflect the views of The Theocracy of the Beatus, The Path of the Blessed, or NS Leader’s Weekly)

Any and all feedback is welcome, and much appreciated

Dear Mercy, where one national leader attempts to civilize the NS, one national leader at a time. Please feel free to telegram me your Etiquette Conundrums.

Dear Mercy,

I am having a hard time getting my resolutions taken seriously in the U.N. Is is permissible for me to hamer upon my desk with my shoe? I mean that old pratt Khrushev got away with it.

Signed
Frustrated in the UN


Dear Frustrated,

While Nikita Sergejevič Chruščëv, First Secretary of the Communist Party, might have created the iconic incident, one does not have to look far to see that he didn't really "get away with it"

The notorious shoe-banging incident occurred during a debate, on October 12, over a Russian resolution decrying colonialism. Khrushchev was infuriated by a statement from the rostrum by Lorenzo Sumulong which charged the Soviets with employing a double standard, pointing to their domination of Eastern Europe as an example of the very type of colonialism their resolution criticized. According to newspaper reports, published the following day, Mr. Khrushchev thereupon pulled off his right shoe, stood up, brandishing it at the Philippine delegate on the other side of the hall and began to furiously bang the shoe on his desk. The enraged Khrushchev accused Mr. Sumulong of being "Холуй и ставлeнник импeриализма" (Kholyi i stavlennik imperializma), which was translated as "a jerk, a stooge and a lackey of imperialism". The Premier alternately shouted, waved a brawny right arm, shook his finger and removed his shoe a second time. The second shoe incident occurred during a speech by Francis O. Wilcox, an Assistant U.S. Secretary of State. The chaotic scene finally ended when General Assembly President Frederick Boland broke his gavel calling the meeting to order, but not before the image of Khrushchev as a hotheaded buffoon was indelibly etched into the collective memory of the international community. Another observer said that while Kruschev was banging a shoe on the table, he had shoes on both feet, which would imply that he had brought a third shoe for the gesture: in other words, the incident was staged and was planned in advance.

Staging incidents merely makes one the laughing stock of the world. Such things must occur with true spontaneity or not at all. Never waste the potential for a good incident on something minor. That 'History is never kind' is another maxxim one must remember.

But staged or not, it is never proper etiquette to take your shoe off in a formal public setting and use it as an impromtpu gavel. It bespeaks as an total lack of appreciation of the solemn decorum of such a setting, and will not get you taken seriously. Given your level of bodily hygene it might well get one arrested. ( The Imitorans will suggest :"Use the butt of your Swenson Customized Series 70 Commander instead". I can't speak for the Imitorans )

If your resolutions are not being taken seriously you might wish to invest in a good ghost writer. Such services can be invaluable, and they will often check your spelling for you as well. Additionally, it is always proper to spell names out rather than use initials. Instead of U.N. spell it it out as United Nations.

Sincerely,

HM, Queen Mercedez Merideath Hexx
Tanaara

Good job, both of yis.

Currently, I await photomanipulation jobs. Tell me what to do that isn't impossible and I'll try to do it.

Is there a deadline for submission?

OOC: Tell me if it ain't funny. This would be my first time to write stuff like this...
Enjoy. constructive feedback appreciated. ;)

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You would probably have some difficulty pushing your agenda in the Legislature today. Assassinating the leader of the opposition might be a lucky way to break the deadlock.
Lucky number: 9, 23
Lucky color: blood red

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Speaking at that graduation seems easy for you today. But be warned: pranksters might throw egg pies at you. Don't say you weren't warned. Bring your bodyguards, and your own egg pie.
Lucky number: 5, 55
Lucky color: egg yellow

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Your country is defaulting on its debts, the poor are rioting on the streets, and the military is restive. Because of the alignment of Mars and Neptune, we advise you to drink milk.
Lucky number: -3, 0.001044
Lucky color: milk white

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will be smitten by the spouse of your neighboring nation's leader. Your invitation for a summit with them would most probably be accepted if you send it today at 09:34:50 PM, standard time, when Capricorn meets Pluto. Be careful making your moves, though.
Lucky number: 1, 33
Lucky color: baby blue

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

A prominent citizen is going to criticize you today. The alignment of Mars and Neptune dictates that you charge him with treason and jail him for 17 years, 3 months, and 13 days, with hard labor.
Lucky number: 5.6, 21
Lucky color: emo black

Virgo (August 23 - September 21)

Be careful in hosting that dinner for the dignitary, as with Jupiter in your quadrant, the powerful Jovian energies can cause enmity between you and that dignitary. If the dignitary is a Cancer, Sagittarius, or Aquarius, cancel the dinner, they won't like the food anyway.
Lucky number: 6, 90
Lucky color: royal purple

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

With the Moon watching over Libra, the courts would decide a crucial case in favor of your government. However, giving the judges exactly 91,290.25 dollars in a pink envelope is advised.
Lucky number: 0, 91290.25
Lucky color: money green

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Try not to let your preconceived ideas about a particular minority affect your government's negotiations with them. Because they're much worse than your preconceived ideas.
Lucky number: 3, 12
Lucky color: fuchsia

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Your usual Sagittarian belligerent mode is going to show its ugly head today. Try not to push it too far, lest it would be your ugly head that would be cut off.
Lucky number : 8, 61
Lucky color: orange

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

A major newspaper is going to publish an account about your purported sexual misconduct. The planets advise you not to sue for libel, the account is true anyway.
Lucky number : 2, 69
Lucky color: hot pink

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Disaster will come to your country today. Whether it is a tornado, an earthquake, a massacre, an assassination, a hurricane, an oil spill, or a revolt, Uranus doesn't reveal, but we'll see.
Lucky number : 5, 39
Lucky color: gray 46%

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Terrorists will attempt to assassinate you using a bomb hidden between the letters of a horoscope for leaders. There will be sensors that would track your eyes moving across this word...
Lucky number: none
Lucky color: none

HA! I think I pulled a nation out of lurkerdom! I won't mention their name but they know whom they are and they have my thanks for asking this emuinently sensible, yet still thorny question

Dear Mercy, where one national leader attempts to civilize the NS, one national leader at a time. Please feel free to telegram me your Etiquette Conundrums.

During a peace conference, would it be proper etiquette to suggest we settling thing over a pint, and a game of billiards?

Signed,
Why can't we be friends, at the pub?

Dear Why,

Sometimes the formality of a peace conference can indeed be stultifying, even going so far as to either put attendies to sleep, or encouraging them as to mischief so as to alievate the boredom.

I, personally, think this is a most immenently sensible solution. Much better than going to war, and far cheaper. However one must tailor the casual setting to one's fellow national leaders. Some simply will not be comfortable in a setting where alcohol is served, and still others might feel that a 'pint' is simply too casual. So suggesting tea or a good wine in lieu of ale would be a sounder course in those instances.

Your suggestion of billards is excellent as well, but a rousing game of darts is always an ice breaker as well, but one must, it goes without saying, be very careful of accidental misthrows. It's hard to put a good face on zinging one into the buttocks of a recalcitrant opposite, no matter how much they might deserve it. Pin the tail on the other side is a game for children's parties. If the weather is ameniable a kite flying, or a promenade down a garden path are also excellent selections. Light exercise is wonderful for getting the creative, problem solving juices flowing.

Being knowledgeable about the national cultures and personal preferances of one's fellow rulers is always useful, and also helps stop misunderstandings.

However there are always those whom you can not reason with, no matter how good your intentions are. (The Imitoran's will suggest: "In those cases one must regretfully leave the cheerful confines of your pub, walk briskly to your national command center and firmly push the button. It behooves one to remember that when dealing with out of control children one must be firm, and not back down. Properly done glassings make excellent disciplinary actions." I can't speak for the Imitorans )

Additionally one must remember the truism "In Vino Veritas" and that Veritas can be a two edged sword.

Sincerely,

HM, Queen Mercedez Merideath Hexx
Tanaara

ooc: I have an old lit project I could convert into a design, sort of, I'll get an example up tommorrow... But I hope you don't mind if I write some about the various mishaps in Dolphinea and the Echo Islands in general.

Second Article

Walking the Path (Week 2)
By Edwardo Listless

I was perusing the newspaper this morning and an article caught my eye. As you may have heard Aqua Anu has officially legalized Gay Marriage. This is a giant step forward for they’re nation, and the rest of the world. Grand Duchess Marina Antonioni deserves out applause for pushing this bill through they’re Parliament. We also feel that certain leaders who reacted negatively to this announcement, which we won’t name, cough, Jan Sebastien, Lord Chancellor of Cotenshire, cough, are trying to derail the train to a better world. It’s people like them who give national leaders a bad name. Back to the original topic, next time you see Grand Duchess Marina Antonioni, tell her she’s doing a good job.
(The views expressed in this column are solely those of the columnist Edwardo Listless, and do not reflect the views of The Theocracy of the Beatus, The Path of the Blessed, or NS Leader’s Weekly)

Any and all feedback is welcome, and much appreciated

OOC: i may have to pull out of this for now, it turns out i have less time than i thought i would have.

Currently, I await photomanipulation jobs. Tell me what to do that isn't impossible and I'll try to do it.

Could you take the photo below and change the background to a beach?

http://a48.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/111/l_9c115337388248542786c8c63898f57f.jpg

Picture quality is very bad, and I will change that as well. Expect it to be done in one hour.

Picture quality is very bad, and I will change that as well. Expect it to be done in one hour.

Thank you!

OOC: LOL sign me up! :p

Picture quality still bad, though a little better. Wasn't too difficult, but a tad shabby nonetheless. I apologise.

http://img219.imageshack.us/img219/5323/nsweekly1xt3.jpg

Picture quality still bad, though a little better. Wasn't too difficult, but a tad shabby nonetheless. I apologise.

http://img219.imageshack.us/img219/5323/nsweekly1xt3.jpg

It looks great. Thank you.

Dear Mercy, where one national leader attempts to civilize the NS, one national leader at a time. Please feel free to telegram me your Etiquette Conundrums.

To Dear Mercy,

Should you attend a wedding when the brides father(the leader of one nation) disdains you but you are good friends with the father of the groom(the leader of another nation), and if so would it be appropriate to bring a gift that was more for the groom than the bride?

Signed Wedding Qualms

Dear Wedding Qualms,

One must first and foremost always remember that the wedding is about the Bride and the Groom, not their families, no matter how much said families try to make it about them. It is not, and their attempts to redirect attention should always be politely ignored. As a closer friend of the groom, you should sit on the groom's side of the aisle, but your present should be something they can enjoy jointly with equal pleasure. Given the availability to just 'up and travel' that most enjoy now days, perhaps a honeymoon treat, say a gift certificate for a Couples Day at a well respected Spa is appropriate, as might be a Hers and His set of Montblanc And Van Cleef & Arpel’s Mystery Masterpiece (http://www.sybarites.org/2007/02/10/montblanc-and-van-cleef-arpels-mystery-masterpiece/). The refined art of writing a personal note by hand is always a pleasure with a fine pen at hand. And one can not hope to find two singularly more respectable and distinguished names than Montblanc and Van Clee & Arpels.

Now an old tradition that many have chosen to forget, but is still perfectly acceptable, is bringing the Groom a small gift the night of his bachelor party. (Since you are an especially close friend to the groom's father, the Imitoran's will suggest thusly; The Macallan 55 Year Old Single Malt In Lalique Decanter (http://www.sybarites.org/2007/11/07/the-macallan-55-year-old-single-malt-in-lalique-decanter/). If the Groom must have a hangover there is no finer way to obtain it than by partaking in such draught of the gods. On this I can speak for the Imitorans. They have excellent taste in fine, aged potables)

Sincerely,

HM, Queen Mercedez Merideath Hexx
Tanaara

Great job Tanaara!

Come on, folks. Let's get Issue #1 started.

Could there be a little blurb about my article, with the photo of me on the beach above, on the cover?