Aperture Science
30-10-2007, 19:42
Tired of only seeing a single spectrum? Wish you werent cursed with an inadequate sense of smell? Want to hear a pin drop across a football stadium?
Have you considered Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Products?
For many thousands of years, the human race has relied on its intelligence to get it to the top of the food chain. Creating fire, weapons, and other machines in order to aid it to take its place at the head of the various organisms which previously sought to eat it. Using their own hands, primitive man clawed its way to the top of the heap and has since generally managed to stay there.
Now, though, the competition is not animals, but your fellow man. Until now, gaining an advantage meant dedicated training every day, but now is your chance to one-up the competition without all the weights and training and hours spent at the gym facing a horde of sweaty men in loincloths.
The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules are specially designed to integrate into a human subjects own already present biological systems and enhance or replace them, as needed. All that is required is a simple operation to connect the Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-tech Human Enhancement Hub Connection into the skull, allowing other modules to connect to the Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Hub Connection Socket for near-perfect integration with the subjects nervous system. The operation is simple, fairly painless, and has a very short recovery time thanks to the Aperture Science Biolabs Advanced Medical Systems Integrated Robot, which will be pleased to serve your surgical needs.
All of the following systems have been tested and re-tested to ensure that they are perfectly safe and have a %99 success rate in all human subjects. If the system does fail to take, the worst-case scenario in testing was a five week period of slight sensory impairment followed by death. However this was the worst case, in most cases of failure, the subject experienced no adverse side effects except a small hole in the sides of their heads. This should heal naturally.
Thanks to Aperture Science's ultra effecient production techniques we are able to offer these services at bargain prices, affordable to virtually anybody! If you wish to open an Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Module Installation Center within a city or cities in your nation, please contact Aperture Science Biolabs division immidiatly for more information.
All Modules come with overload breakers, which prevent sensory shutdown in the event of being overstimulated. For example, Module A includes dampeners to prevent blindness when exposed to especially bright light.
All packages include a training booklet and disc, designed to allow you to make full use of your implants right from the start!
All extra packages may be exchanged after the initial operation, as the system is fully modular, for an additional fee of 500 USD.
Aperture Science Human Enhancement Module Installation Centers are located in:
Aperture Science
The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules are listed here:
Aperture Science Biolabs Hub Connection Module - This is the must-have module, required for the smooth operation of all the others. The hub-socket processes information from the enhanced senses or replacement parts and translates them into signals understandable by the human brain. The hub-socket connects directly to the brain, so it is vital to keep it clean at all times. For this reason all hub units are provided with their own hub-socket cover, hub-socket cleaning kit (with non-toxic solvent for getting out that tough dirt) and instruction manual.
In most cases it takes two to three weeks for the brain to adapt to the implants, so until then it is advised that the subject not attempt to operate heavy machinery, or undertake any activity requiring the precise use of the enhanced senses or functions
Module A - This module replaces one or both of the subjects eyes with enhanced cybernetic designs, which boast many advantages over simple organic eyes, such as:
1. A x20 zoom capability
2. Digital photography (up to 1gb storage, download your photos to your computer over the hub socket!)
3. Never wear glasses again! 20/10 vision for life or we replace your eyes for free!
4. Never miss a moment, because you wont need to blink ever again!
5. Proximity alerts when sleeping. Your new eyes will automatically wake you if anything approaches within a pre-set range.
6. Night vision! See in the dark!
7. Self-cleaning, using the bodies own natural systems.
8. Ultra-fast focusing, up to %150 faster than organic eyes!
Module A is a highly suggested if the customer plans to purchase other modules, as many depend on menus which are displayed in Module A's in-eye menu system. Lacking this analog controls must be implanted.
Cost: $4,500
Module A also offers the following packages:
Photographers Package: Zoom increased to x40, flash function, Easy-Link Aperture Science Electronics Portable Printer optimized for hub-socket linking.
Cost: +2,500
Recon Package: Zoom increased to x40, optimized for long-range, enhanced night vision, infrared, electromagnetic and vibration detection, increased 8gb harddrive for storing ultra-high-def photographs, emergency data-delete protocol for emergency situations, ultra-bright flash function
Cost: +8,500
Hunter Package: Infrared function, high-contrast shape-recognition function, virtual crosshairs and weapon-link function, projectile path estimation, photography function removed in favor of the 'One-Shot' quick-kill computer with over 5,000 species catalouged with optimal points for one-shoot easy kills.
Cost: +3,000
Astronomers Package: Neck brace and muscular enhancement, ultra-high-def x100 zoom, virtual star catalouge and almanac, night vision (for navigation).
Cost: +5,500
Readers Package: Flashlight function, text-scanning (up to 1,000 pages of standard textbook sized pages stored), virtual highlight function, keyword scanning, bookmark function.
Cost: +1,000 (Student discount: +500)
Paranoid Package: Additional eye implanted on the back of the head.
Cost: +2,250
Module B - Module B replaces a subjects sense of sound, replacing the various parts of the ear with enhanced versions. As a bonus, the subjects balance will also be improved in the same operation. Module B offers the following enhancements:
1. 30 minutes of high definition recordng capacity.
2. Enhanced sense of balance, keep your footing on any surface!
3. Optional 5gb music player function (requires either Module A or external controls, typically these are placed on the side of the head or back of a hand.)
4. Hear a pin drop up to 1.45578 kilometers away! (Depending upon conditions)
5. Annoying relatives? Tune them out with the volume function!
Side effects include nausea and loss of balance. Do not attempt any risk-taking behavior or operation of heavy equipment for at least two weeks after implantation.
Cost:
$6,500
Music Fan package: Up to twelve hours of music stored, playlist function, noise reduction, directional adjuster.
Cost: +850
Module C - Module C is designed to enhance general athletic performance by integrating the subjects adrenal system into the Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Hub Connection Socket. This enables the subject to self-regulate the adrenal system and enhance performance at will. The system features an automatic cut-off designed to prevent death or permenant damage from adrenaline overdose. This system is used at the users own risk.
Cost:
$5,500
Module D - Module D is a general enhancement of the lower limbs, replacing the tendons of the legs with an enhanced polymer which greatly increases athletic performance of the legs. The system also includes high-friction padding for the feet, laser sensors to determine distance from foot-to-ground, and to detect obstructions in front of the feet, and compute ideal angles of impact for maximum speed and stability.
Cost: $8,600
Climbers Package: Includes detachable 'claws' in order to attain better footing on rock faces, high-impact resistant coatings of bones in the legs and arms, high-friction grips for the palm and fingertips, and a free Aperture Science Climbing Helmet (Mk II).
Cost: +500
Do not atttempt to install the The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules yourself. Do not attempt to remove The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules yourself. Do not insert any portion of your anatomy except the pre-approved portions into The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules. If your species is not classified as human then it is recommended that you contact your physician in regards to the compatability of The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules. Installation of The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules in non-humans voids all warrantys and guaruntees.
Have you considered Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Products?
For many thousands of years, the human race has relied on its intelligence to get it to the top of the food chain. Creating fire, weapons, and other machines in order to aid it to take its place at the head of the various organisms which previously sought to eat it. Using their own hands, primitive man clawed its way to the top of the heap and has since generally managed to stay there.
Now, though, the competition is not animals, but your fellow man. Until now, gaining an advantage meant dedicated training every day, but now is your chance to one-up the competition without all the weights and training and hours spent at the gym facing a horde of sweaty men in loincloths.
The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules are specially designed to integrate into a human subjects own already present biological systems and enhance or replace them, as needed. All that is required is a simple operation to connect the Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-tech Human Enhancement Hub Connection into the skull, allowing other modules to connect to the Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Hub Connection Socket for near-perfect integration with the subjects nervous system. The operation is simple, fairly painless, and has a very short recovery time thanks to the Aperture Science Biolabs Advanced Medical Systems Integrated Robot, which will be pleased to serve your surgical needs.
All of the following systems have been tested and re-tested to ensure that they are perfectly safe and have a %99 success rate in all human subjects. If the system does fail to take, the worst-case scenario in testing was a five week period of slight sensory impairment followed by death. However this was the worst case, in most cases of failure, the subject experienced no adverse side effects except a small hole in the sides of their heads. This should heal naturally.
Thanks to Aperture Science's ultra effecient production techniques we are able to offer these services at bargain prices, affordable to virtually anybody! If you wish to open an Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Module Installation Center within a city or cities in your nation, please contact Aperture Science Biolabs division immidiatly for more information.
All Modules come with overload breakers, which prevent sensory shutdown in the event of being overstimulated. For example, Module A includes dampeners to prevent blindness when exposed to especially bright light.
All packages include a training booklet and disc, designed to allow you to make full use of your implants right from the start!
All extra packages may be exchanged after the initial operation, as the system is fully modular, for an additional fee of 500 USD.
Aperture Science Human Enhancement Module Installation Centers are located in:
Aperture Science
The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules are listed here:
Aperture Science Biolabs Hub Connection Module - This is the must-have module, required for the smooth operation of all the others. The hub-socket processes information from the enhanced senses or replacement parts and translates them into signals understandable by the human brain. The hub-socket connects directly to the brain, so it is vital to keep it clean at all times. For this reason all hub units are provided with their own hub-socket cover, hub-socket cleaning kit (with non-toxic solvent for getting out that tough dirt) and instruction manual.
In most cases it takes two to three weeks for the brain to adapt to the implants, so until then it is advised that the subject not attempt to operate heavy machinery, or undertake any activity requiring the precise use of the enhanced senses or functions
Module A - This module replaces one or both of the subjects eyes with enhanced cybernetic designs, which boast many advantages over simple organic eyes, such as:
1. A x20 zoom capability
2. Digital photography (up to 1gb storage, download your photos to your computer over the hub socket!)
3. Never wear glasses again! 20/10 vision for life or we replace your eyes for free!
4. Never miss a moment, because you wont need to blink ever again!
5. Proximity alerts when sleeping. Your new eyes will automatically wake you if anything approaches within a pre-set range.
6. Night vision! See in the dark!
7. Self-cleaning, using the bodies own natural systems.
8. Ultra-fast focusing, up to %150 faster than organic eyes!
Module A is a highly suggested if the customer plans to purchase other modules, as many depend on menus which are displayed in Module A's in-eye menu system. Lacking this analog controls must be implanted.
Cost: $4,500
Module A also offers the following packages:
Photographers Package: Zoom increased to x40, flash function, Easy-Link Aperture Science Electronics Portable Printer optimized for hub-socket linking.
Cost: +2,500
Recon Package: Zoom increased to x40, optimized for long-range, enhanced night vision, infrared, electromagnetic and vibration detection, increased 8gb harddrive for storing ultra-high-def photographs, emergency data-delete protocol for emergency situations, ultra-bright flash function
Cost: +8,500
Hunter Package: Infrared function, high-contrast shape-recognition function, virtual crosshairs and weapon-link function, projectile path estimation, photography function removed in favor of the 'One-Shot' quick-kill computer with over 5,000 species catalouged with optimal points for one-shoot easy kills.
Cost: +3,000
Astronomers Package: Neck brace and muscular enhancement, ultra-high-def x100 zoom, virtual star catalouge and almanac, night vision (for navigation).
Cost: +5,500
Readers Package: Flashlight function, text-scanning (up to 1,000 pages of standard textbook sized pages stored), virtual highlight function, keyword scanning, bookmark function.
Cost: +1,000 (Student discount: +500)
Paranoid Package: Additional eye implanted on the back of the head.
Cost: +2,250
Module B - Module B replaces a subjects sense of sound, replacing the various parts of the ear with enhanced versions. As a bonus, the subjects balance will also be improved in the same operation. Module B offers the following enhancements:
1. 30 minutes of high definition recordng capacity.
2. Enhanced sense of balance, keep your footing on any surface!
3. Optional 5gb music player function (requires either Module A or external controls, typically these are placed on the side of the head or back of a hand.)
4. Hear a pin drop up to 1.45578 kilometers away! (Depending upon conditions)
5. Annoying relatives? Tune them out with the volume function!
Side effects include nausea and loss of balance. Do not attempt any risk-taking behavior or operation of heavy equipment for at least two weeks after implantation.
Cost:
$6,500
Music Fan package: Up to twelve hours of music stored, playlist function, noise reduction, directional adjuster.
Cost: +850
Module C - Module C is designed to enhance general athletic performance by integrating the subjects adrenal system into the Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Hub Connection Socket. This enables the subject to self-regulate the adrenal system and enhance performance at will. The system features an automatic cut-off designed to prevent death or permenant damage from adrenaline overdose. This system is used at the users own risk.
Cost:
$5,500
Module D - Module D is a general enhancement of the lower limbs, replacing the tendons of the legs with an enhanced polymer which greatly increases athletic performance of the legs. The system also includes high-friction padding for the feet, laser sensors to determine distance from foot-to-ground, and to detect obstructions in front of the feet, and compute ideal angles of impact for maximum speed and stability.
Cost: $8,600
Climbers Package: Includes detachable 'claws' in order to attain better footing on rock faces, high-impact resistant coatings of bones in the legs and arms, high-friction grips for the palm and fingertips, and a free Aperture Science Climbing Helmet (Mk II).
Cost: +500
Do not atttempt to install the The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules yourself. Do not attempt to remove The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules yourself. Do not insert any portion of your anatomy except the pre-approved portions into The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules. If your species is not classified as human then it is recommended that you contact your physician in regards to the compatability of The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules. Installation of The Aperture Science Biolabs Bio-Tech Human Enhancement Modules in non-humans voids all warrantys and guaruntees.