NationStates Jolt Archive

Greetings To Fellow Sentient Mammals,
I am CEO of Aperture Science Corporation, it is good to have contact with you.
Please to inform you that Aperture Science is conducting party. There will be cake. It would be most gratifying for to attend yourself to this confrence of good will, with cake. Although cake is not priority of confrence it is a significant modifier in many sentient mammals descision regarding attending. Cake is a positive factor.
The cake is not a lie. Disregard any contrary information recieved. This information is false.
If you are interested in the possibility of further allocations of cake, donations are appreciated. Donations provide for more Science, which allows the development of better cake. Superior cake is key to success. Inferior cake is not compatable with sentient mammals digestive functions and results in gastrointestinal issues and in extreme cases fatality.
Interested parties report to Aperture Science headquarters, Aperature Science City, Aperature Science. There will be cake for all.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

Greetings To Fellow Sentient Mammals,
I am CEO of Aperture Science Corporation, it is good to have contact with you.
Please to inform you that Aperture Science is conducting party. There will be cake. It would be most gratifying for to attend yourself to this confrence of good will, with cake. Although cake is not priority of confrence it is a significant modifier in many sentient mammals descision regarding attending. Cake is a positive factor.
The cake is not a lie. Disregard any contrary information recieved. This information is false.
If you are interested in the possibility of further allocations of cake, donations are appreciated. Donations provide for more Science, which allows the development of better cake. Superior cake is key to success. Inferior cake is not compatable with sentient mammals digestive functions and results in gastrointestinal issues and in extreme cases fatality.
Interested parties report to Aperture Science headquarters, Aperature Science City, Aperature Science. There will be cake for all.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

To the CEO of Aperture Science,

Will there be cake at this function?

Signed,
His Holiness,
Edwardo Listless

To the CEO of Aperture Science,

Will there be cake at this function?

Signed,
His Holiness,
Edwardo Listless

Sentient Mammal Signed His Holiness Edwardo Listless, Subject 1 of Message #3556721423333
Affirmative. Cakes presence is assured.

CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

Sentient Mammal Signed His Holiness Edwardo Listless, Subject 1 of Message #3556721423333
Affirmative. Cakes presence is assured.

CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

Will said cake have alcohal in it cause that is definetly the superior cake.

Singed,
His Hollowness,
Edwardo Listless

P.S. pelase excues my spelling errors for I am currently drunk

Will said cake have alcohal in it cause that is definetly the superior cake.

Singed,
His Hollowness,
Edwardo Listless

P.S. pelase excues my spelling errors for I am currently drunk

Sentient Mammal Signed His Holiness Edwardo Listless, Subject 1 of Message #3556721423334
Alcahol chemical causes damage to internal organs and impairment of senses resulting in test statistics being modified in an unpredictable manner. Alcahol will not be present at the function.
Spelling is excused.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

This is a reminder that all who attend will be allocated a portion of cake. This cake is especially delicious and moist. Its delicate ffffffffflavors play across our pallate like microscopic angels of deliciousness. If only you were attending and could enjoy this cake with us. It is truely one of the best cakes we have ever enjoyed.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

Councilman Levka Ilyuschenkov intimates he will be attending the aforementioned party, provided the cake is to be delicious and that also all of it will be eaten.

This is a reminder that all who attend will be allocated a portion of cake. This cake is especially delicious and moist. Its delicate ffffffffflavors play across our pallate like microscopic angels of deliciousness. If only you were attending and could enjoy this cake with us. It is truely one of the best cakes we have ever enjoyed.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

To CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat,

I have a few questions, A. Will the cake be good? 2. What kind of cake will it be, i.e. yellow, white, chocolate, etc.? D. What kind of frosting will there be? and twenty ninthly will there be ice cream with the cake? Thank you and have a nice rotation of the earth.

Signed
His Holiness,
Edwardo Listless

P.S. that scientific talking thing is like contagious.

Councilman Levka Ilyuschenkov intimates he will be attending the aforementioned party, provided the cake is to be delicious and that also all of it will be eaten.
Sentient Mammal Councilman Levka Ilyuschenkov, Subject 1 of Message #3556721423341

We are pleased to inform Councilman Levka Ilyuschenkov that the cke will indeed be delicious, and that as it is delicious, we hope that all of it will be consumed in a timely manner. We feel that waste of such delicious cake is extremly undesireable and as such if the cake is not consumed it will be delivered to orphans to be finished. Orphans with diseases.
This is because we are human and subject to petty emotions such as pity and allow ourselves to be influenced to a great degree by them in many circumstances.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

To CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat,

I have a few questions, A. Will the cake be good? 2. What kind of cake will it be, i.e. yellow, white, chocolate, etc.? D. What kind of frosting will there be? and twenty ninthly will there be ice cream with the cake? Thank you and have a nice rotation of the earth.

Signed
His Holiness,
Edwardo Listless

P.S. that scientific talking thing is like contagious.

Sentient Mammal Signed His Holiness Edwardo Listless, Subject 1 of Message #3556721423344
A) The cake will be delicious, 2) All types of cake will be avalible. We have specialized facilities to fabricate any flavor of cake you desire. D) All kinds of frosting will be provided. We have facilities to provide frostings of whatever consistency and flavor you desire. 29) Our stocks of ice cream are presently depleted and the facility to fabricate ice cream is inoperable. However we may access our strategic ice cream reserves if ice cream is desired
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

[b]Sentient Mammal Signed His Holiness Edwardo Listless, Subject 1 of Message #3556721423344
A) The cake will be delicious, 2) All types of cake will be avalible. We have specialized facilities to fabricate any flavor of cake you desire. D) All kinds of frosting will be provided. We have facilities to provide frostings of whatever consistency and flavor you desire. 29) Our stocks of ice cream are presently depleted and the facility to fabricate ice cream is inoperable. However we may access our strategic ice cream reserves if ice cream is desired
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

To who ever you are,

I do not know what Edwardo's intrest with you is but he has taken "ill" and I have assumed command. If you wish anything from me say it now or say it never.

Signed,
Archbishop Bradly A. Kenning
Acting Leader
The Theocracy of the Beatus

The Councilman will then be very pleased to attend this celebration—with cake.

Post-script: OM NOM NOM NOM

To who ever you are,

I do not know what Edwardo's intrest with you is but he has taken "ill" and I have assumed command. If you wish anything from me say it now or say it never.

Signed,
Archbishop Bradly A. Kenning
Acting Leader
The Theocracy of the Beatus

Signed Archbishop Bradly A. Kenning Acting Leader the Theocracy of the Beatus, Subject 2 confirmed.
We were discussing the transfer of biological unit subject 1 to Aperture Science for the discussion of diplomatic exchange. We were presently discussing the fine points of the type of cake which will be avalible at this meeting.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

The Councilman will then be very pleased to attend this celebration—with cake.

Post-script: OM NOM NOM NOM

We look forward to your arrival and will make ready to accomidate you.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

The Foreign Minister of the United Socialist States of New Brittonia wishes too know what the purpose of this function is.

Signed,
Foreign Minister of the United Socialist States of New Brittonia
Nabila Katchab

Signed Archbishop Bradly A. Kenning Acting Leader the Theocracy of the Beatus, Subject 2 confirmed.
We were discussing the transfer of biological unit subject 1 to Aperture Science for the discussion of diplomatic exchange. We were presently discussing the fine points of the type of cake which will be avalible at this meeting.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

To CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat,

I must regretfully inform you that none form our nation will be able to attend due to the fact that an evil nation now holds two of our religious missionaries and has killed another. They have also killed nearly half of they're population. They have refused to return our men so we now march against them under the banner of war to retrieve them. So we have no people to spare at the moment maybe at so other time, or when Edwardo is felling better.

Signed,
Archbishop Bradly A. Kenning,
Acting Leader,
The Theocracy of the Beatus

The Foreign Minister of the United Socialist States of New Brittonia wishes too know what the purpose of this function is.

Signed,
Foreign Minister of the United Socialist States of New Brittonia
Nabila Katchab

Foreign Minister of the United Socialist States of New Brittonia Nabila Katchab,
The purpose of the function is to establish good relations between our nations and to promote the possibiltiy of future trade interaction. Aperture Science has many technically advanced products which we feel would be of great interest to any person wishing to apply those advances on a national level for the good of their population.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

To CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat,

I must regretfully inform you that none form our nation will be able to attend due to the fact that an evil nation now holds two of our religious missionaries and has killed another. They have also killed nearly half of they're population. They have refused to return our men so we now march against them under the banner of war to retrieve them. So we have no people to spare at the moment maybe at so other time, or when Edwardo is felling better.

Signed,
Archbishop Bradly A. Kenning,
Acting Leader,
The Theocracy of the Beatus

This is highly dissapointing, Signed Archbishop Bradly A. Kenning Acting Leader the Theocracy of the Beatus, Subject 2, we were looking forward to the company of Subject 1. Please re-initiate contact when you have resolved your issues and we would be pleased to begin discussions once again.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

Whereby, the first subject is to be referred to as "CEO of Aperture Science", and is an intelligent and sentient representative of the order Mammalia, of whom the body consists of muscle tissue (presumably in addition to epithelial, connective, and/or nervous tissues);

Whereby, the heretofore described first subject, CEO of Aperture Science, has extended the invitation to all fellow intelligent, sentient representatives of the order Mammalia to be present at a function of some kind, presumably one common to all intelligent, sentient representatives of the order Mammalia, and therefore -- as is learned through extensive observation -- one involving the actions of ingestion, reproduction, leisure, dominance of the ecosystem, and/or sleep, or a function that will lead to or facilitate future actions of ingestion, reproduction, leisure, dominance of the ecosystem, and/or sleep;

Whereby, as is shown by the ability to describe and record these words, the second subject -- hereafter referred to as "Jonathan Appleby" -- is an intelligent and sentient representative of the order Mammalia, order Primates, family Hominidae, general species H. sapiens, specific (trinomial) name H. s. sapiens and also constructed of muscle tissue (in addition to epithelial, connective, and/or nervous tissues);

Whereby, edible and comestible items produced from the grain of one or more plant species of the genus Triticum, as well as the extract of one or more plant species of the genus Saccharum, the unfertilised eggs of G. gallus, the lactal products of B. taurus, and ingredients derived from other plant, animal, or fungal species not herein described, -- hereafter referred to as "cake" -- will allegedly be served at the aforesaid, unspecified function;

Hereby be it resolved and noted in print that the second subject, Jonathan Appleby, shall attend or otherwise bring his personage to this function, or display an electronic or positronic real-time image of himself within the ecosystem reserved for the function should he be unable to attend; and for the reference may it be noted that the aforesaid Jonathan Appleby is of a prominent position within his ecosystem, a position commonly known as or referred to as "Minister of Research and Development".

For posterity and the greater good of sentience,
Jonathan Appleby, Esq.
Minister of R&D
Republic of Steel and Fire

For posterity and the greater good of sentience Jonathan Appleby, Esq. Minister of R&D Republic of Steel and Fire,
Your statements are correct. However one statement you previously made was incorrect, specifically relating to the inclusion of grain in the cakes present. We will be serving several varieties of cheesecake as well, which do not contain grains of any sort.
We approve the remainder of your statement however and await your arrival eagerly. In the mean time please forward any requests for specific types of cake to the Department of Resource Allocation, Cake Division, if you have an unusual specimin of cake you wish to be present at the party and it will be fabricated and served.
CEO of Aperture Science, a Sentient Mammal, Made of Meat.

NeoAztec, current shareholders, would like to formally greet you and send thanks. Also the cake is delicious, so long as we are not baked.

I don't suppose one would have to assume the proper party goer submission position before a party escort team arrives, eh?

Portal is a great game.

I don't suppose one would have to assume the proper party goer submission position before a party escort team arrives, eh?

Portal is a great game.

OOC: Please put OOC before you put an OOC sentence.

http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/4724/diauploadpv2.png

It is excellent to see that Aperture Science is making such headway in international relations. Her Excellency the Chancelloress Santina Verona-Barron will be attending the event personally.

Will there be sufficient cake dissection, in the interests of science of course?

I would like to inspect the cake carefully and even might need to taste it. For a more accurate representation of cake, I will need to take a large sample.
After the tests, I will need to do a thorough taste test to see if the cake is suffciently moist and suitable for sentient/human consumption.

Dr. E. Tit

THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!

SOYLENT GREEN! IT'S MADE FROM PEOPLE!!!!!


*ahem*
The diplomatic delegation from Doczeki will be attending.

Communication From NeoAztec
We would like to inform you of our decision to send an ambassador to the...formal greeting.