NationStates Jolt Archive

VOJVODINA-NIHON, August 30 - While embarking on his latest mission, famed chicken hunter Goran Lipovsky stumbled on a treasure he could not have imagined in his wildest dreams.

Villagers reported that Lipovsky arrived in the village of Smrchya mentioning the presence of "strange crystals" along his forest route. Gradually, by word of mouth, Lipovsky's tale passed on up to the highest authorities of that government, Pessimism; Lipovsky was found and procured a small sample of the crystal he had taken with him.

It was revealed that the crystal actually consists of valuable handwavium, notable for its applications in supercapital warships, nuclear artillery, handheld railguns, orbital artillery, faster-than-light travel, time machines, perpetual-motion machines, and room-temperature superconductors. Bringing along only a token armed escort to defend against the chicken packs, Pessimism President Lohar Jikk and his advisors traveled to the area and discovered a vast deposit of handwavium, potentially in the millions of additional inches.

While Pessimism authorities remain silent on the issue, rumour has it that the massive deposit will either be partly offered for sale or exploited by Pessimism itself, in which case it will face severe competition from its nearest neighbours, Boingg and Halo 4.

-- Martin Jones, Monarchy News Network

http://nationstates.wikia.com/images/thumb/3/3e/Adygeya_-_Coat_of_Arms.png/350px-Adygeya_-_Coat_of_Arms.png

Adygean Ministry of Commerce

+++The government of Adygea would like to purchase approximately one square kilometre to mine this ore. We are prepared to offer a lump sum of fifty million USD, should you choose to let us have the requested land.

Official Message

The government of Pessimism grants the Adygean Ministry of Commerce's request, but wishes to inform Adygea that Pessimism exacts a 15% tax on all profits from the mines. The vein will probably run out, anyway, even if it is real handwavium. Also, we're not responsible for anything you do on your land, if a mine breaks down or anything, which it probably will. It's not likely we'll have repair supplies on hand, so bring your own. (message continues in this vein for several paragraphs)

OOC: Handwavium?

We will trade you 10,000 square kilometers of Newtopia, pristine edenic land without natives that magically appears for your nation to relocate to when your nation is destroyed for mining rights to a one kilometer patch of handwavium.

Regards,

Mimi Ohyes, Minister of Trade

OOC: Handwavium?

OOC: Similar to Deusexmachinite.

Giza Mining & Manufacturing
"Wrecking the landscape and polluting the air, for a greater tomorrow"

To whomever it may concern,

Giza Mining & Manufacturing offers one thousand left-handed rubber gloves, two bobble hats and a collection of mismatched socks in exchange for three quarters of a centimetre squared of this magnificent find!

Sincerely,

Menkheperraseneb, tea monkey
GMM

Giza Mining & Manufacturing
"Wrecking the landscape and polluting the air, for a greater tomorrow"

To whomever it may concern,

Giza Mining & Manufacturing offers one thousand left-handed rubber gloves, two bobble hats and a collection of mismatched socks in exchange for three quarters of a centimetre squared of this magnificent find!

Sincerely,

Menkheperraseneb, tea monkey
GMM

[ I like this person. xP ]

Official Message

The government of Pessimism is prepared to offer the specified amount of land to Giza Mining & Manufacturing, but the payment is insufficient for the value of the area requested; we ask for at least two more bobble hats and a piece of dental floss (preferably mint waxed, although mint unwaxed and green tea waxed are acceptable as well). Please be aware that Pessimism exacts a 15% tax on.... [see message to Adygea]

***

Official Message

Pessimism thanks Ms. Ohyes for her generous offer, but wishes to decline on the grounds that it'll probably be irradiated or genetically modified anyway. And even if it's not, we'll inevitably end up with the worst patch, which will probably be landlocked, have no major resources to speak of, and be under attack by a race of half-elf, half-tigerbear Space Marines.

OOC: Similar to Deusexmachinite.

OOC: @ TME: Funny, I took earth science and I never learned about that mineral.

OOC: @ TME: Funny, I took earth science and I never learned about that mineral.

That's because you took Earth Science. Once you get into high school or university level Chemistry, especially AP Chem (in the USA or Canada) or advanced uni level chem courses, you start to get into all the minerals they don't tell you about in earth science, such as handwavium, unobtanium, fapite and so on.

That's because you took Earth Science. Once you get into high school or university level Chemistry, especially AP Chem (in the USA or Canada) or advanced uni level chem courses, you start to get into all the minerals they don't tell you about in earth science, such as handwavium, unobtanium, fapite and so on.

OOC: @ VN: Awesome!

Official Message

The government of Pessimism is prepared to offer the specified amount of land to Giza Mining & Manufacturing, but the payment is insufficient for the value of the area requested; we ask for at least two more bobble hats and a piece of dental floss (preferably mint waxed, although mint unwaxed and green tea waxed are acceptable as well). Please be aware that Pessimism exacts a 15% tax on.... [see message to Adygea]

Giza Mining & Manufacturing
"Wrecking the landscape and polluting the air, for a greater tomorrow"

To whomever it may concern,

We find these terms wholly unacceptable! Four bobble hats is far too extortionate! However, as a counter offer, I am authorised in include the two pieces of mint waxed dental floss requested, in addition to a banana pancake and all our old staff room sofa, which may or may not contain an unknown quantity of money if tipped upside down.

Sincerely,

Menkheperraseneb, tea monkey
GMM