NationStates Jolt Archive

A man was scanning the land, looking for a place where he could drill a well. What he found was even more valuable than water.

He called a friend, who happened to be a secret terrorist, and said, "Man you gotta see this, I found urainium when I was digging a well, What should I do?."
Vacklynn Weldridge(the "friend") said, "You should get off the phone, who knows if the line is tapped." Unfortunately the government caught on to Vacklynn and tapped his phone so... he got caught, after he left from the man's house.

When Vacklynn was at the man's house he entered the kitchen and looked at the man and said, "The urainium is mine!" He then proceeded to shoot the man 3 times in the chest and bury him in the back yard.

The government dug in the vicinity of the well and confirmed the discovery of urainium. The deposit is esitimated at 3.789 square miles. Who will get the urainium.

We will pay you 6 billion USDs for the land plot to mine in, as we have finished mining we will leave the area. Agree?

The Hills bid 7 billion with the same conditionss as above

The Eagle Mining Company bids 12 billion for the land with the uranium on it.

The Hillian Department of Federal resources raises it's offer to 15 billion

We will give 16 billion for said uranium

Eagle Mining Company raises its bid to 19 billion USD for said uranium.

We raise our bid to 20 billion.

We raise our bid to 35 billion.

We raise our bid to 37 billion

We raise our bid to 40 billion.

We raise our bid to 45 billion.

We raise our bid to 65 billion USD.

We raise the bid to 65 billion USD.

Going once, going twice...

We raise the bid to 85 billion.

We raise the bid to 75 billion.

Any more bids. (I will wait 4 hrs.)

We raise the bid to 90 billion.

OOC: wait 1 hour not four

"Uranium? What is this uranium thing?" the Emperor asked inquisitively.

He cut a fearsome and terrible figure. Clad in robes black as midnight, crowned with the skull of a fully grown stag, he paced the halls of his citadel, the great sword Bloodstone always at his side. His eyes had the sadistic and faraway look of a maniac; his scarred face and dark beard made it seem as though he had no face at all but the two glistening eyes, staring hypnotically upon the observer. In that case, that was a Loyal Minion.

The Minion, who was kneeling to the floor, murmured, "O Mighty Ruler of the Empire, He who Rules the Earth and Sky.... Uranium is a metal of which can be forged a weapon that makes the most powerful crossbow look like an ant standing next to a mountain."

The Emperor was obviously interested. "And how does this..... metal.... work its magic?"

"It is a most long and complicated process, O Lord of the Universe. But our wizard should be well up to the task."

"He had better be," growled the Emperor, "or his head will be planted on a stake outside my citadel for all to see!"

He turned to the Minion. "We shall seize this uranium! Deploy four ships, each packed with ten-score of our finest warriors, armed with all manner of weapons!"

"Er.... Emperor. We're landlocked."

The Emperor was infuriated. "Shut up, you ignorant, half-baked excuse for a toad! I should have you roasted alive in boiling oil, but I won't -- you're too stupid to kill." Calming down, he continued, "Obviously, since rivers lead to the sea, the ships can simply put in on the river, and follow the river down into the sea. Thus, they can reach the land where the uranium is!"

"Er..... Yes, O Fearsomest Inhabitant of the Land. To hear is to obey."

Thus it was that, a day later, several large, many-masted longboats began to sail down a river scarcely more wide than they. Packed to the brim with warriors, each one bearing sword, spear, axe, longbow or some rarer weapon, they commenced the long trek down towards the sea. The Sava was far from the most obliging of rivers, however. The men had to portage the boats around a dam or two, with much grumbling, and a days' worth of supplies was lost on some rapids (along with four men). The supplies were made up via raiding and pillaging a few small villages, however, so it was no big deal. As for the men, there were seven hundred and ninety-six more to make up for their absence.

Eventually, they reached the Danube (creating some stir as they passed through Belgrade, although old-timers merely nodded and waved) and followed it down to the sea. This took about a week; I won't go into specifics of how arduous and difficult the journey was, how many men died, how many weapons were lost, et cetera. After fighting off a few dozen international policemen and taking their skulls as drinking goblets, the shock troopers of the Vodinian Empire were in international waters and immediately set out to find the fabled uranium deposit.

Information was remarkably scarce, but through some miracle the four ships managed to arrive within BHR waters. Now, a problem presented itself. They had no radar, no sensors, no radios, and virtually no means by which messages could reach them -- aside of carrier pigeons. (They were also made of wood and had only a few ten pounders as armament. What's a missile?)

We will raise our bid to 120 billion USD...

We raise our bid to 130 billion.

We raise our bid to 150 billion USD.

An Irondeck that usually patrolled the International water outisde of BHR that morning had saw a small fleet of hundreds of idiots. Their weaponry was from midevil times, their boats made of wood and cardboard. As well as this being completely off for the time period, their boat went as slow as a running man. The irondeck followed it into the BHR waters then later saw it stop in front of the nation.

The men aboard were all busy as if preparing battle. A few pigeons were set out carrying paper so the admiral told a small group of 6 sailors to shoot it then bring it back. They did as they were told and the admiral read the message it said 'we have cum to kill and destroy until the precious medl is ors'

"This nation is so barbaric they can't spell metal, blast their asses out of the water."

The sailors then proceded to the cruise missiles and fired three patriot missiles at each of the midevil boats.

The Empire of Vojvodina-Nihon bids $3.76, a gum wrapper, and the sharp and pointy objects our men in the area wield. Every blade we have in the field is as a billion dollars, and each man carrying one another billion. COMPLY OR BE ANNIHILATED.

-- Empire Department of Public Relations

***

As usual, the sovereign nations of Vojvodina-Nihon deny any affiliation between them and the so-called 'Empire' of Vojvodina-Nihon. Honestly, we have no idea who these guys think they are. Please ignore them. (And don't bomb us for what they do.)

-- Alistair I, High King of the Disunited Governments of Vojvodina-Nihon

We raise our bid to 175 billion.

The Empire of Vojvodina-Nihon bids $3.76, a gum wrapper, and the sharp and pointy objects our men in the area wield. Every blade we have in the field is as a billion dollars, and each man carrying one another billion. COMPLY OR BE ANNIHILATED.

-- Empire Department of Public Relations

***

As usual, the sovereign nations of Vojvodina-Nihon deny any affiliation between them and the so-called 'Empire' of Vojvodina-Nihon. Honestly, we have no idea who these guys think they are. Please ignore them. (And don't bomb us for what they do.)

-- Alistair I, High King of the Disunited Governments of Vojvodina-Nihon


OOC: no my stupid two personality friend, I fired upon the boats, not your crap nation, now give me the deaths because I want to know what I killed.

Due to a wanky force of nature, all of the cruise missiles missed their targets by a few meters, sparing the expeditionary force.

Well, not really. Seeing what looked like oversized arrows approaching, warriors began to leap into the lifeboats and row for shore. (What's a countermeasure?) Of course, getting out of the inferno in time required one to be faster than everyone else, and not everyone could manage that, understandably. Of the once proud force of eight hundred warriors, only five and three-score survived the assault. The ships went up in flames immediately and disappeared beneath the waves, never to be seen again. The lifeboats, which they rowed for shore faster than they had ever rowed in their life (not as though it mattered, as the lifeboats were too small to be hit by cruise missiles and each one had one or two crossbowmen with about the same range as machineguns), were packed full to bursting; in addition, a few men survived by clinging to spars and driftwood, and paddling in towards shore.

Uranium Cohenia wishes to bid 250 billion USD on the uranium found in Bull Horns Rule.

We raise our bid to 200 billion USD.

We raise our bid to 210 Billion.

We raise our bid to 310 billion.

We raise our bid to 295 billion USD.

Uranium Cohenia, which is a company with a revenue larger than the gross domestic product of Calizorinstan, will place a bid for 350 billion USD.

The Cazelian government wishes to purchase this uranium for 400 billion USD

OOC: no my stupid two personality friend, I fired upon the boats, not your crap nation, now give me the deaths because I want to know what I killed.

[ Show some goddamned intelligence and civility in your posts, would you?

Being this rude when you're not even an '05 nation will never make you cool, and I suggest you apologise, prole. Now. ]

Uranium Cohenia moves its' bid to 450 billion USD.

We raise our bid to 335 billion.

We raise our bid to 485 billion USD.

OOC: no my stupid two personality friend, I fired upon the boats, not your crap nation, now give me the deaths because I want to know what I killed.

I have been a victim of Timewarp™, which makes my post appear later than yours even though it was written earlier. Also, while you may mistake .... certain people .... for the "cool kids", I recommend against imitating them. It doesn't endear you to anyone (cf. Dalnijrus) and is just pretty stupid.

The Irondeck went started up agains and reached the soon to be lifeless men. Only manpower rowing over full boats agianst a giant boat the size of all of the ships they just pwned. The smaller armamants such as machine guns opened fire on the small life boats ripping one entire life boat in half. The soldiers thinking about how they can save their ammo used infantry weapons such as glocks, AK-47's, and many rifles. The stupid barbarians tried to use their shiled to protect themselves but the bullets simply traveled through them. The archers pucked up their bows and fired at the ships thinking they can sink it but the arrows merely bounced off. The brainless fleet made out of primates was fired upon merclessly for 2 minutes then the soldiers on the Irondeck let up.

OOC: I am not trying to be a "cool kid" I am just simply trying to get you to post which you did which I no longer need to worry about. So I don't care any more about that post I made.

We raise our bid to 500 billion.

Uranium Cohenia raises its' bid to 510 billion to piss off the nation of Greston.

We raise our bid to 560 billion.

we raise our bid to 500 billion

We raise the bid to 530 billion, we are not pissed off, we are just simply waiting to see when you'll give up.

Uranium Cohenia raises its bid to 600 billion. Anyone getting tired of bidding yet?

We will raise our bid to 750 billion, then. Uranium Cohenia does, at least.

we raise the bid to 700 billion to aviod anymore bids from Cazelia and Calizorinstan.

We will raise our bid to 900 billion.

OOC: Eagle Mining is a government agency actually...

Uranium Cohenia places a bid for 950 billion dollars.

Eagle Mining Agency will raise our bid to 1.2 trillion USD.

Uranium Cohenia moves its bid to 1.21 trillion USD.

WE raise our bid to 1.70 trillion.

Uranium Cohenia drops out of the bidding, enjoy your 1.7trillion dollar cost of uranium.

we raise our bid to 2 trillion

We raise our bid to 1.95 trillion USD.

We raise the bid to 2.4 trillion. Cazelia you saw how Jaredcohenia dropped out, why don't you give up, he has a larger economy then us.

We raise the bid to 2.4 trillion. Cazelia you saw how Jaredcohenia dropped out, why don't you give up, he has a larger economy then us.

OOC: Jaredcohenia didn't drop out, Uranium Cohenia did. gb/2/ur reedinz

Abruptly, the entire nation of Greston, and all of its territorial and military holdings, completely disappeared from the face of the earth. The reason was simple: Commander Darktooth, leader of the Vodinian raiders, had utilised a primitive and handheld -- but nonetheless effective -- I.G.N.O.R.E. Cannon. The lifeboats continued on into Bull_horns_rule unimpeded and began casting about for a place to land.

OOC: I just learned something about your nation today. That whenever you are faced with defeat you come out and blast the Ignore on them. Wow, what a nice way to start NS, offend a large alliance, god mod, and Ignore.
Wonderful.

OOC: I just learned something about your nation today. That whenever you are faced with defeat you come out and blast the Ignore on them. Wow, what a nice way to start NS, offend a large alliance, god mod, and Ignore.
Wonderful.

So a battleship is a large alliance now.... and I'm godmoding when you're the one blowing up my boats without giving me a chance to respond.... right.

Plus, I lose patience for people when they start being rude to me. Sorry.

2.5 trillion. As you can see, I want this uranium really bad

Vojvodina-Nihon that is an act of war. But seeing as you have land I will invade, prepare for war.

Cazelia, your bid has been accepted.

WE raise our bid to 2.8 trillion. We want it as well.

If the bidding is still open the Hillian Department of Federal Resourses raised it's bid to 3 trillion.


(OOC: Wow... I've been reminded on an SNL skit. "Eleventy Billion!" "That's not even a number!" "Yet.")

OOC: you offended the CA when you condemed Maldorians, I gave you time you just haven't replyied, and if you ignore people who are rude to you, then you practicly can't be involved in any war or conflict.

[Uh guys... I was just looking through to see what was going on and noticed... half of the nations bidding here... have no business doing so. Cazelia... your entire nations GDP is less than 6 trillion... and youre going to try and buy a patch of uranium for 2.5 trillion? What the fuck? All of you besides Jared and DH... drop out.]

OOC: Saddly, reading that made me happy...