NationStates Jolt Archive

Really don't like someone?

An ex trying to ruin your life? Plagued by bullies, blackmailers, or stalkers? Enemy generals demoralising your men?

Don't wait to bring them to a tedious, long trial! Don't spend weeks buying and learning how to use a high-powered sniper rifle! In short, don't take any chances: Call.... [cue theme music] ... E-Z Assassinations!

Specialists in murder. Bringers of mayhem. World-class maimers. Every employee of E-Z is a trained and professional killer, and we are here to serve you and your every need. Name the target and their penalty, and we'll see that it's carried out within your schedule. Not severe enough to kill? Buy a humiliation package instead. For relieving your enmity, E-Z has it all!

E-Z currently operates branches in over 1 countries, but we plan to expand to many different convenient locations. Soon coming to a nation near you!

Current Discount Offer: 5 Government or Top Corporate Officials for the price of 4! Valid only before August 31, 2007.

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Price List:

Ordinary Citizen
Assassination - Base price of $50,000
Maim/Disfiguration - Base price of $35,000
Kidnapping - Base price of $35,000
Humiliation - Base price of $4,000
Other - Varies

Military Personnel
Assassination - Base price of $90,000
Maim/Disfiguration - Base price of $60,000
Kidnapping - Base price of $75,000
Humiliation - Base price of $7,500
Other - Varies

Government or Corporate Official
Assassination - Base price of $200,000
Maim/Disfiguration - Base price of $120,000
Kidnapping - Base price of $145,000
Humiliation - Base price of $30,000
Other - Varies

[To be continued, maybe.]

All prices subject to change. Additions to the base price will be made based on additional stipulations in the contract. E-Z Assassinations retains the right to refuse to target any individual for any reason of its own; E-Z is not required to disclose the reason for refusal. Results not guaranteed.

The Undershi government is indeed interested in the possibility of killing off enemy leaders. However, the Undershi government has a question. Is payment required before the contract or after its completion? And, if it is required before the contract, is it refundable in the event of failure?

Payment is required before the contract. A partial refund (usually one-half of the base fee) will be granted in the event of a failure; if the target receives a treatment covered by E-Z, i.e. maiming or disfiguration instead of killing, the additional costs paid by the client will be refunded less a 10% administrative fee, i.e. a refund of $13,500 will be made if a civilian is crippled instead of killed.