Enraged Goblins
12-08-2007, 21:04
It was, more or less, a regular day on the Furg Plains of the central Flarg. Furg being the name of the first Goblin to kill off everybody else who tried to name the plains after themselves and then kill anybody who refered to the plains by any name other than the Furg Plains. He and his clan were quite extinct by this point, but you really had to respect a guy who was willing to construct an entire wing of his palace out of the bones of his enemies.
Llurk TwoSkulls (he had added the extra L because he thought it made his name more sophisticated. Nobody knew this though, because he couldnt write.) stood atop a heavily modified T-62 main battle tank, grinning widely. Not that he could stop grinning. A while back he'd got into a barfight and somebody had slashed his cheeks open with a bottle, leaving him with a rather permanant smile.
The T-62 in question had been modified in the Goblin style, that is, most of the protection had been removed in favor of more guns. A rather large hull mounted gun stuck out of the front, while the standard gun in the turret had been removed in favor of what looked like a howitzer. The armour penetrating qualities of such armament were doubtful of course, but if you told the Goblins crewing the thing that, the response would've been something along the lines of:
"Yeah? Dat's rel'y nice. It makes a bigger 'sploshun tho', so's dat's all'ite."
The tank was also painted white, and had a flag on it. Camoflage was clearly not an issue.
Llurk was present considering what lay before him, namely a lot of grass, on the other side of which was a line of Brightshield goblins accompanied by their Threefeathers allies. They had a rather impressive array of tanks and what looked like a helicopter. The Twoskulls had been trying to get a helicopter of YEARS now, nobody'd sell to them though, mostly because at least nine tenths of thw Twoskulls clan consisted of psychopaths who would rather kill the vendors than see what they had to offer. Most of their equipment was taken from raids against other Goblin clans.
Now there was news about that a strong Low King was planning to unite all the Goblins under a single banner and all that. Naturally the TwoSkulls, with their highly independant and generally negative attitudes, did not agree with this. One might say that they were highly disgruntled.
Of course, some might argue that the TwoSkulls had never been gruntled in the first place.
Llurk turned and glanced at the small hoard of Goblins clinging to the back of the tank. There wasnt a lot of space, with the enlarged engine that poked partially out of the tanks rear, but Goblins were flexible, and although a few of them looked uncomfortable they would be off soon enough.
"Right me boys! LETS ALL GO GET OUR FROATS CUT!" Llurk shouted the traditional TwoSkulls battlecry while waving his scimitar about in a manner which would have been quite unpleasant for anybody standing next to him.
The tanks engine coughed and the vehicle shot forward at a speed which would have astonished the tanks designers, and pretty much anybody else for that matter. Goblin engineering was quite effective when it worked.
To Llurk's left and right, a virtual timeline of the history of armored vehicles was rocketing across the plains, high end late-generation MBT's serving alongside rather heavily modified first generation vehicles (all heavily modified to suit Goblin requirements) and most of them blazing away with all guns in the traditional Goblin warcry that was in use by all clans since the invention of gunpowder, I'm sure you know what it is.
On a small historical side note, Goblins are one of the few species which invented gunpowder before fire. They werent sure what to do with it of course, but they made lots of it anyway.
Across the lines, Commander Kerk Three Feathers was most displeased with his ally, Ger Brightshield. Brightshield wanted to attack,and Three Feathers wanted to dig in. While not the ideal time for the arguement, the two were engaged in the ancient form of Goblin debate known as 'the knock-out no-holds-barred brawl' involving the entire command staff of both armies.
Fourtunatly Goblins are highly independant creatures with a penchant for strategic thought in-built since birth, and the coalition army was already lined up and charging across the field at the enemy in a fashion which would have been quite suicidal against an opponent which wasnt doing the exact same thing. Fourtunatly for both sides inter-Goblin battles were typically more about enjoying yourself than anything else. Sure, Goblins died, but everybody was gonna die eventually, so you might as well do something you enjoyed while you died. Cavalry charges carried out with tanks were an all-round favorite, right up there with sitting on top of said tanks and blasting away with revolvers. B-Westerns were insanely popular amoung Goblin audiences and, since horses didnt last very long in the sort of melee which was a traditional Goblin battle, tanks had to stand in.
Viewed from above, the battle would have been quite confusing once the lines met, since all the various Goblin tanks and soldiers were engaging each other at point-blank range along a line roughly a mile long. Who exactly was winning was quite hard to determine, since battles usually went on until everybody got tired and went home, which could take some time, considering the effects of the Goblin equivalent of adrenaline, which tended to make them forget about things like eating and sleeping. It was also one of the few substances which could take your average Goblin's mind off of sex, their second favorite activity.
Llurk TwoSkulls (he had added the extra L because he thought it made his name more sophisticated. Nobody knew this though, because he couldnt write.) stood atop a heavily modified T-62 main battle tank, grinning widely. Not that he could stop grinning. A while back he'd got into a barfight and somebody had slashed his cheeks open with a bottle, leaving him with a rather permanant smile.
The T-62 in question had been modified in the Goblin style, that is, most of the protection had been removed in favor of more guns. A rather large hull mounted gun stuck out of the front, while the standard gun in the turret had been removed in favor of what looked like a howitzer. The armour penetrating qualities of such armament were doubtful of course, but if you told the Goblins crewing the thing that, the response would've been something along the lines of:
"Yeah? Dat's rel'y nice. It makes a bigger 'sploshun tho', so's dat's all'ite."
The tank was also painted white, and had a flag on it. Camoflage was clearly not an issue.
Llurk was present considering what lay before him, namely a lot of grass, on the other side of which was a line of Brightshield goblins accompanied by their Threefeathers allies. They had a rather impressive array of tanks and what looked like a helicopter. The Twoskulls had been trying to get a helicopter of YEARS now, nobody'd sell to them though, mostly because at least nine tenths of thw Twoskulls clan consisted of psychopaths who would rather kill the vendors than see what they had to offer. Most of their equipment was taken from raids against other Goblin clans.
Now there was news about that a strong Low King was planning to unite all the Goblins under a single banner and all that. Naturally the TwoSkulls, with their highly independant and generally negative attitudes, did not agree with this. One might say that they were highly disgruntled.
Of course, some might argue that the TwoSkulls had never been gruntled in the first place.
Llurk turned and glanced at the small hoard of Goblins clinging to the back of the tank. There wasnt a lot of space, with the enlarged engine that poked partially out of the tanks rear, but Goblins were flexible, and although a few of them looked uncomfortable they would be off soon enough.
"Right me boys! LETS ALL GO GET OUR FROATS CUT!" Llurk shouted the traditional TwoSkulls battlecry while waving his scimitar about in a manner which would have been quite unpleasant for anybody standing next to him.
The tanks engine coughed and the vehicle shot forward at a speed which would have astonished the tanks designers, and pretty much anybody else for that matter. Goblin engineering was quite effective when it worked.
To Llurk's left and right, a virtual timeline of the history of armored vehicles was rocketing across the plains, high end late-generation MBT's serving alongside rather heavily modified first generation vehicles (all heavily modified to suit Goblin requirements) and most of them blazing away with all guns in the traditional Goblin warcry that was in use by all clans since the invention of gunpowder, I'm sure you know what it is.
On a small historical side note, Goblins are one of the few species which invented gunpowder before fire. They werent sure what to do with it of course, but they made lots of it anyway.
Across the lines, Commander Kerk Three Feathers was most displeased with his ally, Ger Brightshield. Brightshield wanted to attack,and Three Feathers wanted to dig in. While not the ideal time for the arguement, the two were engaged in the ancient form of Goblin debate known as 'the knock-out no-holds-barred brawl' involving the entire command staff of both armies.
Fourtunatly Goblins are highly independant creatures with a penchant for strategic thought in-built since birth, and the coalition army was already lined up and charging across the field at the enemy in a fashion which would have been quite suicidal against an opponent which wasnt doing the exact same thing. Fourtunatly for both sides inter-Goblin battles were typically more about enjoying yourself than anything else. Sure, Goblins died, but everybody was gonna die eventually, so you might as well do something you enjoyed while you died. Cavalry charges carried out with tanks were an all-round favorite, right up there with sitting on top of said tanks and blasting away with revolvers. B-Westerns were insanely popular amoung Goblin audiences and, since horses didnt last very long in the sort of melee which was a traditional Goblin battle, tanks had to stand in.
Viewed from above, the battle would have been quite confusing once the lines met, since all the various Goblin tanks and soldiers were engaging each other at point-blank range along a line roughly a mile long. Who exactly was winning was quite hard to determine, since battles usually went on until everybody got tired and went home, which could take some time, considering the effects of the Goblin equivalent of adrenaline, which tended to make them forget about things like eating and sleeping. It was also one of the few substances which could take your average Goblin's mind off of sex, their second favorite activity.