NationStates Jolt Archive

(Insert shakey footage of a castle exploding in spectacular fashion here, if you please.)
The Six Spark Clan of the Kher Ridge region is pleased to report to the world that it has completed its campaign of vampire-extermination in the region, eliminating no less than fifty of the evenening-dress wearing bloodsuckers from the region by the simple expedient of large explosive devices loaded with silver shrapnel and garlic, as well as a variety of holy symbols such as the Lucky Sacred Three Headed Fish from the Lucky Three Headed Fish Cult, which proved particularly effective thanks to its desigh which promoted high yields of shrapnel.
This brings the total number of vampires in Goblin territories down to...zero. If there ARE any left in hiding we'll certainly be sure to blow them up ASAP. Not that Goblins are particularly threatened by vampires, since Goblin blood contains no hemoglobin, its just that theyre too damn snooty for their own good. That and they scare off tourists.
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

[[Official Message]

From: The Avisronian Department of State

Very well, there! Congratulations on eliminating your vampire problem. Have you also targeted the living dead?

[END]

When they happen to come close enough, there arent a lot of goblin zombies though. Goblins tend to stay dead when they die, mostly because they tend to die explosive deaths involving lots of other people around them exploding as well. This is called 'grahkshahlrarghash' which literally translated means, "Fuck you bastards if Im dying Im taking the lot of you with me!" but is generally rendered by linguists as, "Taking the Enemy into Death" and similar phrases such as that.
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

[Official Message]

From: The Avisronian Department of State

You are indeed a lucky little species. What about undead humans?

[END]

We havent got many of those now. We blew up most of the humans that lived around here a few hundred years ago. But that was before we heard of civilization. Now we make sure to talk first before we blow people up. And we give women and children a last meal before we blow them up. Havent had any human zombies in the last hundred yearas or so, but the ancient texts state that the best method of dealing with them is a shotgun blast to the torso or head, so we keep a stock of shotguns around, just in case.
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

Official USSW Condemnation of Enraged Goblins' Vampire Genocide
As the proud head of a nation where humans and metahumans of various races live together in reasonable harmony, accounting for the inevtiable compromises and occasional agreements-to-disagree, I must say that I am utterly appalled at your gloating over eradication of your nation's vampire population. Especially so the fact that it was done because, and I quote, "it's just that they're too damn snooty for their own good."

Minister Three Feathers, let me be frank here. My Defense Secretary, Comrade Mario Iliescu, a dignified and competent person, is a vampire; and he is also my distinguished colleague and friend. Can he be 'snooty' at times? Yes, even in my opinion; but 'snootiness' is not an excuse for murder in civilized nations, not even of microminorities such as your vampire population was.

In future, try deportation of any survivors you may or may not find our way. We would pay for the cost, and it might just go far to redeem your bloodstained reputation somewhat. Until then, you may wish to ask yourself what would've-been friends your actions have alienated for the foreseeable future. How many other human-majority lands besides mine do you know that would even consider friendship with a nation of goblins, as long as it were earned by friendly conduct towards the world by said goblin country; consideration which your particular goblin country has forefeited the chance to earn by these actions unless repentance should someday be shown?

Most Sincerely,
Charles D. Lind
Commander-in-Chief, USSW War Office
Party Secretary, Wagdian Revolutionary Party
General Secretary, USSW Revolutionary Command Council

OOC:
I'm waiting for Trans to make a comment about this. It will be an interesting post. Expect an IC responce within the next 24 hours from me.

We havent got many of those now. We blew up most of the humans that lived around here a few hundred years ago. But that was before we heard of civilization. Now we make sure to talk first before we blow people up. And we give women and children a last meal before we blow them up. Havent had any human zombies in the last hundred yearas or so, but the ancient texts state that the best method of dealing with them is a shotgun blast to the torso or head, so we keep a stock of shotguns around, just in case.
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

[Official Message]

From: The Avisronian Department of State

It's very unfortunate that your goblin society targets humans. In Avisron our human society doesn't target goblins, although there is the occasional firefight when a human game hunter accidentally fires upon what he believes to be a very large squirrel.

Would you be interested in an joint Avisronian public awareness program to raise acceptance of humans within your society?

[END]

OOC:
I'm waiting for Trans to make a comment about this. It will be an interesting post. Expect an IC responce within the next 24 hours from me.


OOC: Trans was deated a couple of weeks ago Shaz....

The Binarian Empire condems this action as one of its allies leaders are vampires.

OOC: Trans was deated a couple of weeks ago Shaz....

OOC:
Crap. I must have missed that. I've been in the process of moving and havn't really payed much attention to NS except for RP's I was currently in at the time.

Wagdog

While we find your comments enourmously entertaining, we are somewhat saddened by your obvious lack of knowledge of vampires, especially for somebody who claims to personally know one.
A vampire, Minister Lind, will not willingly leave its home unless you first blow up that home and then kill the vampire.
But vampires aside, your expectations are rather silly. Goblins are not a friendly people, we dont pretend to be friendly, we either are friendly, or we arent. Mostly we arent, because most people arent friendly to us. Vampires included. Y'see, as what is termed amoung vampires a 'non-food animal' Goblins were generally hunted down and killed whenever possible, of course this was not often because most Goblins live in three foot high tunnels which extend over most of the Goblin Clans area, very unpleasant to run around in, you see?
We are hardly going to repent for winning a war. But if YOU want to send humans to extract any remaining vampires from our territory, please feel free to do so, we'll make sure not to blow them up, but we will definitly film their messy deaths when they have their bodily fluids drained.
Krakh'dlakh! (Lit. drown in your own urine)
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

Avisron

We dont 'target humans', humans get in the way. That or they attack us. Most of the Goblin clans dont activly hunt down humans any more than your average human goes to hunt down goblins. The ones that do are regarded as rather silly, since few humans bother coming here anymore in any case, and most of them are just here for tourism or some other silly human thing.
Its not 'humans' as such, but certain nations which formerly occupied the territory which we presently occupy, you see?
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

1010102

We invite you to assist Minister Lind of Wagdog in removing any vampires we missed. We'll be happy to send any identifiable corpses back to your nation.

OOC:
Crap. I must have missed that. I've been in the process of moving and havn't really payed much attention to NS except for RP's I was currently in at the time.

OOC: you not the only one i was waiting for the same thing

http://usera.imagecave.com/CaptainDeath/VariousShazbotdom/Government-Seal.gif
FROM THE OFFICE OF THE MINISTER OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS
MR. LARRY WILLIAMS
We condemn the acts of genocide that you are currently entangled in. We find it disgusting that you have killed not only Vampires, but also Humans, for no reason what-so-ever. Our suggestion to you would be that you create a section of your nation as a sanctuary to the Vampires, away from those individuals within your nation that would wish to see them destroyed.

OOC: Oh god man, this is great, I'm grinning like a fool here, I wish I could do something constructive and post something ICly but I don't recognize the whole fantasy element for my nation. Although OOCly I will happily say, bravo man, bravo, this is just awsomeness personified. Heh, carry on.

The Minister from Shazbotdom may join the Binarian and Minister Lind in their vampire relocation expedition if they like. As with the others, we will pay any transportation costs related to corpse-removal.
As to the humans we have killed, do you know of some method of war in which people arent killed? If so, then it is the personal opinion of the High Ministers that you are a nation of pansies. Of course, if you ARE willing to go into a vampires castle and attempt to drag them to some 'vampire sanctuary' then please, do so.
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

Wagdog

While we find your comments enourmously entertaining, we are somewhat saddened by your obvious lack of knowledge of vampires, especially for somebody who claims to personally know one.
A vampire, Minister Lind, will not willingly leave its home unless you first blow up that home and then kill the vampire.
But vampires aside, your expectations are rather silly. Goblins are not a friendly people, we dont pretend to be friendly, we either are friendly, or we arent. Mostly we arent, because most people arent friendly to us. Vampires included. Y'see, as what is termed amoung vampires a 'non-food animal' Goblins were generally hunted down and killed whenever possible, of course this was not often because most Goblins live in three foot high tunnels which extend over most of the Goblin Clans area, very unpleasant to run around in, you see?
We are hardly going to repent for winning a war. But if YOU want to send humans to extract any remaining vampires from our territory, please feel free to do so, we'll make sure not to blow them up, but we will definitly film their messy deaths when they have their bodily fluids drained.
Krakh'dlakh! (Lit. drown in your own urine)
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

Avisron

We dont 'target humans', humans get in the way. That or they attack us. Most of the Goblin clans dont activly hunt down humans any more than your average human goes to hunt down goblins. The ones that do are regarded as rather silly, since few humans bother coming here anymore in any case, and most of them are just here for tourism or some other silly human thing.
Its not 'humans' as such, but certain nations which formerly occupied the territory which we presently occupy, you see?
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

1010102

We invite you to assist Minister Lind of Wagdog in removing any vampires we missed. We'll be happy to send any identifiable corpses back to your nation.
Very well; film what deaths you wish, but we don't expect any since we actually teach all our schoolchildren generic Vampire etiquette and survival skills (if attacked by criminal or insane vamps). And since swimming lessons are also nigh-mandatory, we don't expect to drown in anything, thank you. But nice try; with a little more practice, your provocative skills might actually get a rise out of someone yet.

Anyway, to answer your offer we'll send by air some 600 Red Guard Medical Corps doctors and their equipment, of a unit specifically trained to handle nosferatu physiology, to set up a field hospital; whether for mortuary or medical purposes as needed at any time. Plus a single battalion of 600 MPs and their lighter equipment to provide security in case any of your vampires we find alive should prove as hostile as you claim.

Might you have an airfield that could receive twenty unescorted Il-76MD transports to ferry these two units and their equipment? That done with our units landed and at work, your security forces can indeed drop off at our portion of the base what vampire survivors or corpses you may find. In token of respect for your sovereignty, we don't ask to go tromping about your country hunting down vampires to bring back with us unless you desire we do so. We can fly any vampires brought to us out easily, and most likely be done with the evacuation in short order given the small numbers of vampires likely to be found; if any.

In Thanks,
-General Secretary Charles D. Lind, Wagdog-

Youre free to go wherever you want, just dont blame us if you run into some TwoSkulls rouges and get eaten. There are still some Goblins who havent figured out that humans arent digestable yet, but since youre so keen on going, its up to you. We'll send some Goblin camera crews along to observe the festivities, since vampires do tend to ignore Goblins when in the presence of a tasty snack. We may even have to start regular television broadcasts just to get all of this footage we're bound to accumulate aired.
You'll have to find your own airfields, the last Goblin who tried to fly an airplane still hasnt been found, although we THINK we may have found his left foot. Its a bit hard to tell what with it being burned and all that.
I've seen Nosferatu by the way. Not a good movie, I think, but dont expect anything like that. Our vampires tend to bite first and skip the lulling to sleep part. The three inch long fangs lining their mouth and jaw designed to sever heads were also a source of some tension between the human and vampire populations formerly found within the Goblin Clans territory.
But dont let that stop you, we're rooting for you!
(Drawing of a Goblin smily face in .tff format)
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

I like vampires.(in a small whispery voice) It's in white.

Presenting the leader of Mesotarian, the El Presidenta,

Vampires are the scourge of the gods. They have been a plague infecting a thousand men, woman, and children in the northern mountains. They have formed a small army attacking outposts at our borders. I say we create the vampire extermination program.

ALL VAMPIRES READING THIS SHALL BE...
sniped

:eek: :sniper:

Ahhhh!!! Run For Your Lives!!! Ahh!!!!

Official Declaration 5:
The Allied States of Faxanavia, being of equal and righteous government, does hereby condemn the actions of Enraged Goblins upon the extermination of it's vampire populace. We live in a free and equal world where in all peoples should be treated with respect and equality. The Allied States of Faxanavia does open it's arms and offers amnesty to any and all vampires fleeing from tyranny and destruction, including those in Enraged Goblins, and those in Mesotarian. Your actions, sir, are an act of genocide, and will not be tolerated by such countries more open-minded then yours.

Mesotarian
Good to hear! Its nice to note that not every nation is a rabid supporter of the neck-chompers. We'd send you a present of some kind, but we dont have any boats.
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

Faxanavia
If you care to join the present expedition to remove vampires to some 'safe haven' where they can happily roam free and drain peoples bodily fluids in a safe and family-friendly environment, you are more than encouraged to do so, provided youre willing to let us film the horrible deaths of whoever you send. Vampires arent sensible, to them, humans are meat and Goblins are in the way.
But if you think your neck would look better with lots of holes in it, come on over!
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

Dear Enraged Goblins,

Vampires are nice. They just have some bad habits. I mean, don't you feel bad for the deer, the tiger, the plants that you eat? Humans have been replaced at the top of the food chain. Accept it. And vampires don't need to kill when they feed, either. Ask one of the Princes of the VDB-the rulers.

Signed,

The Princes of the VDB, of which one of them is a vampire

A fleet of 50 Faxanavian F-11 Mudhens will be deployed to meet with the already swiftly growing convoy, and to help act as transport and guardians. The Faxanavian government condemns the actions of Enraged Goblins and any such persons who choose to agree with their racist views. Genocide is never right.

The VDB has decided to take the same course of Faxanavia, vampires are permitted in the VDB.

Vanek Drury Brieres
Humans? We dont care about humans. We care about vampires killing Goblins because theyre not edible. If they were pleased to stay in their castles and groan about how no more tasty humans come by anymore, it wouldnt be an issue. As it is, they go hunting for humans and if any Goblins are around, they kill them for the fun of it.
Walk in anothers shoes before you condem their actions.
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers

Faxanavia
You should've tried living here when we still had vampires. Or better yet, ask some of the humans that still live here what life was like with vampires around. I'm sure they'll be glad to show you the reinforced steel gratings in the chimneys and over the windows.
When humans have a pest problem, they eliminate it. Goblins do the same thing, only with explosives. We like explosives. Theyre pretty.
Goblin Ministry of Vampire Extermination and General Unpleasantness Towards Unpleasant People,
Nork Three Feathers