NationStates Jolt Archive

Glorious Spiderpig has no army, navy, or airforce. We need armaments, and fast! Our military is currently armed with the latest Clandonian slingshots, but we need better weaponry and trade deals!

Glory to Spiderpig! He does whatever a spiderpig does!

OOC: hmm, small, unarmed, stupid, weak, weaponless, and militaryless. Note to self, add to invade list.

We will gladly accept Spiderpig as a vassal state, as well as equipping you and training your military.

Our military uses the finest PMT technology, and we have advanced military science and engineering knowledge.

FOr starters, we will send you the following

50 XebraCorp light tanks

4,000 State Arms Manufacturing Dept. pressure rifles.

More will follow if you accept our proposal.

I can pretty much assure you buddy, that if you invaded spiderpig you would get your ass cooked. We may look weak and small... well, we are, but do you think the international community would let us perish?

OOC: actually yes I do, because the international community is made up of really strong nations who are getting tired of nubs who pop up every day with the thought that even though they have 5 million people when the other guy has 807 million that they will win in a war. And the international community just doesn't give a damn.

Ministry of State

We would be willing to supply you with cash to buy everything you could ever need in exchange for becoming a protectorate of Vetalia. That would mean you help us when needed and would adhere to our government's decisions in regard to policy issues, and we would not allow foreign nations to harm you.

That "everything" includes weapons of mass destruction.

OOC: actually yes I do, because the international community is made up of really strong nations who are getting tired of nubs who pop up every day with the thought that even though they have 5 million people when the other guy has 807 million that they will win in a war. And the international community just doesn't give a damn.

OOC: And ya know what the community also hates? People like you who attack those newbs because you know you couldnt take someone your own size.

I can pretty much assure you buddy, that if you invaded spiderpig you would get your ass cooked. We may look weak and small... well, we are, but do you think the international community would let us perish?

As a member of the international community. Yes.

For Armament Please Visit Our Storefront:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=534368&page=2

OOC: And ya know what the community also hates? People like you who attack those newbs because you know you couldnt take someone your own size.

OOC: First off the comment was an OOC: comment meaning I didn't attack and I won't I just wanted to point out some stuff, because most likely I will ignore this guy and go on with my life.

We will only help you if you give us the domestic production rights to Clandonian sling shots. Those things are worth millions.

Soda Popinski
Admiral, Drunkard, and Foreign Minister!
The Iron Imperium of Jaredcohenia

OOC: actually yes I do, because the international community is made up of really strong nations who are getting tired of nubs who pop up every day with the thought that even though they have 5 million people when the other guy has 807 million that they will win in a war. And the international community just doesn't give a damn.


[Greston, unfortunately for you, you're not one of those really strong nations. The reason for this is because you only have 800 million people and your economy is merely "good". You're still a nublet and you won't stop being a nublet until you're here a year, which roughly equals 2 billion in population. Stop acting like you're big and bad, because if you don't I'm going to personally correct this misapprehension of yours.]

--- === OFFICIAL STATEMENT === ---
Catalasian Department of Je-ne-sais-quoi, Voodoo, Elemental Magic, and Feng Shui

BOW DOWN TO US. WE HAVE 1000 TIMES MORE PEOPLE THAN YOU. YOUR ENTIRE POPULATION COULD CREW ONE OF OUR SAILBOATS. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. MUA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Just to get that out of the way before someone else does it in earnest. Anyway, welcome to the international community.

~ Random Catalasian/enne ~

OOC: actually yes I do, because the international community is made up of really strong nations who are getting tired of nubs who pop up every day with the thought that even though they have 5 million people when the other guy has 807 million that they will win in a war. And the international community just doesn't give a damn.

ROFL. Greston buddy, you have sublety and tact similar to a football hooligan, except less developed.

Spiderpig will graciously accept all help offered to it. Thank you.

Spiderpig, our Empire is vast, with manifold resources at our disposal. W ecan supply anything you need, chemicals, metals, machinery, tanks, ammunition, oil, and most of all, protection. We have Nuclear, Chemical, and Biological weapons, all on the cutting edge of our mastery of science.

Join our great Empire, and your military will grow in size and superiority until nearby nations fear you. With our help, you could become a world power.

Consider becoming an Imperial Protectorate.

ROFL. Greston buddy, you have sublety and tact similar to a football hooligan, except less developed.

Spiderpig will graciously accept all help offered to it. Thank you.

OOC: Spiderpig buddy, you have to understand that you do not want to attack me. And I am not a football hooligan because simply I hate football. And mostly all sports.

We would, but we do what a spiderpig does. Which means not giving up our sovereignty. Thanks anyway.

[Now for something a little more on topic. The catalog for Polaris Arms is here: http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=522384]

.::Polaris Arms Inc Order Query Response::..
TO: Government of the Glorious Spiderpig
FR: Polaris Arms Foreign Orders Department
SUB: Offer

Polaris Arms Incorporated would like to offer a "Starter Package" to your nation. We will sell you 30,000 M58 rifles and 10,000 M57 carbines at production cost. While we normally don't do this, we realize small nations without strongly developed economies often don't have the capital to buy necessary weapons at full price. Total cost for this order would be 57 million Universal Standard Dollars.

We're not taking your sovereignity. In the Empire, a Vassal is a fully soveriegn state, but considered part of the Empire because of the defence pact. We won't impede into your governmental matters a bit, nor go after your resources, we wish only for your allegiance.

OOC: Spiderpig buddy, you have to understand that you do not want to attack me. And I am not a football hooligan because simply I hate football. And mostly all sports.

I never said I wanted to attack you, only that if you attacked me it would take me the square route of 4 seconds to drive you off my shores.

OOC: And ya know what the community also hates? People like you who attack those newbs because you know you couldnt take someone your own size.

OOC: May I bring this to your attention Greston? Maybe it escapes your mind, but not all of us like seeing people like you walk over small nations.

OOC: Move your nation to Haven and ask willink for a spot on the map, no one will ever dare attack you. :D

IC:

We would like to sign an alliance with the Glorious Spiderpigs, to sweeten the deal we will have We Buy It Inc. move into your nation to help your economy along as your nation grows rapidly. Also, we will deposit 3 trillion USD in your state bank account, as well as partially fund your weapons purchases [must be within a reasonable price and from certain providers.]

"The Vetalian government's protectorate offer still stands. We will provide the funds for the supply and arming of your troops in exchange for the loyalty of your nation when it is needed."

OOC: May I bring this to your attention Greston? Maybe it escapes your mind, but not all of us like seeing people like you walk over small nations.

OOC: And this might escape your mind that i am not invading him.

OOC: HA! I may not be one of the worlds super powers, but if I was to invade (which i'm not) I would travel past your frontline and anything inbetween all the way to you capital with out taking on heavy casiualties

OOC: Greston, sit down and shut the fuck up will you? Spiderpig is to you as you are to me, you keep this IC bullying up and you'll end up on the top of my IC hit list.

Spiderpig: it's best to ignore people like Greston.

I never said I wanted to attack you, only that if you attacked me it would take me the square route of 4 seconds to drive you off my shores.

OOC: HA! I may not be one of the worlds super powers, but if I was to invade (which i'm not) I would travel past your frontline and anything inbetween all the way to you capital with out taking on heavy casiualties

I lold.

You sir are hilarious. >:3

OOC: Move your nation to Haven and ask willink for a spot on the map, no one will ever dare attack you. :D

IC:

We would like to sign an alliance with the Glorious Spiderpigs, to sweeten the deal we will have We Buy It Inc. move into your nation to help your economy along as your nation grows rapidly. Also, we will deposit 3 trillion USD in your state bank account, as well as partially fund your weapons purchases [must be within a reasonable price and from certain providers.]

What's Haven?

This is excellent news. Spiderpig will use this foreign investment to make an military to kick the shit out of Greston. Thank you.

OOC: HA! I may not be one of the worlds super powers

[You're not even a power. Now go away before I carpet nuke you for my own amusement.]

To: The President of The Kingdom of Glorious Spiderpig
From: The President of The Republic of Greston, Michael Check
Subject: Trade, Aid, and Development

Hello I am President Micahel Check and I would like to invite you the world. As you are obviously new and need military assitance we will supply you with tanks, small arms, and much of your navy. As well as an alliance would like to be set up so if you are to ever go into a time of need talk to us and we will try to pull you out of it. If you are ever get into war alert us and we can help, as well as getting my alliances to help. And we also strongly aprove of becoming a vassal of one of the people who spoke to you earlier, such as Vetalia and The Silver Sky. That is all we can afford to give you as we are still growing and improving.

Have a good time in the world.

ooc: roffle'd

The Indonesian States will gladly send 10 SpeFIndo special forces soldiers to train your Soldiers. We can only send 10 soldiers because we only have 87 current SpeFIndo Operatives for we are a small country of 450million.

OOC: lol, "small" country of half a billion

Thank you very much for the help!

Especially Scandavian States and The Silver Sky.

What is Haven? I would like to move there if it means I get away from people like Greston who want to wipe out the Spiderpigs.

Spiderpig, we still extend our offer. A Vassal State is not governmentally subservient to the Empire,thus, you would still be a fully sovereign state, yet still a beneficiary of our wealth and power. Aligning your self with the Empire is helpful to both parties. We invest in and train your forces, and defend you until you are ready to fight on your own, thus, you benefit.

And through gaining your allegiance, and building up your military, should we need assistance in the future, we can call upon you. Thus, we benefit.

We seek not to colonize you, nor make you a Puppet State. We are attempting to help a ptential ally. Becoming a Kiravian Vassal is the right choice.

Thank you very much for the help!

Especially Scandavian States and The Silver Sky.

What is Haven? I would like to move there if it means I get away from people like Greston who want to wipe out the Spiderpigs.

OOC: I dont't want to wipe out the Spiderpigs!! Why would you think I would be giving you weapons if I plan on invading you!

The Buy & Sell Corporation would like to set up base in your nation. If you accept then your economy will boom and unemployment will plummet. Do you accept?

[Spiderpig, Haven is probably the most heavily armed region in the game. We're also very much xenophobic. Outsiders have since learned that unless they are invited, it's not a good idea to show up. If/ when they do, they're often seen out with tens of thousands of cruise missiles. Trust me, you'd be safe.]

OOC: I dont't want to wipe out the Spiderpigs!! Why would you think I would be giving you weapons if I plan on invading you!

[OOC: Well, the US supplied the Taliban with weapons back in the 80s when they were fighting the Soviet Union, and then invaded them in 2001... just sayin'.]

OOC: Didn't know about that. Well still I don't plan on invading him.

SPIDER PIG! SPIDER PIG! IT DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER PIG DOES!

Official Reply from the Republic of Chechnya, smurf nations office.

How do I suckeded up to larger nations?!??!

OOC: Haven is an extremely powerful [probably top 2-3 of RPing regions] and one of the most influential [top 1-2] of all RPing regions on nationstates. We have around 78 nations [a few are puppets from people in the region, or placeholder nations for people with colonies in haven], a good 30 of which are actively RPing most of the time.

We tend to have a xenophobic view, so any foreign nations sending military warships into haven waters tend to have their warships blown up, we do have a bit of infighting [IE: Queatarian Commonwealth vs NATO war going on in the far east and southwest of the region], but we do respect each other's neutrality.

Havenites take care of Havenites if I don't say so myself.

<center>The Office of the Leonis Basilica and Military Command
Thrawn Memorial District</center>

From: The Nationalist Republic of Lorkhan
To: The Glorious Spiderpig

The Nationalist Republic of Lorkhan, while we can not lend you our troops, is willing to lease to you some of our Specforce Halo troops who are among the finest trained special forces teams in the world, to help assist the development of your nation.

Military Executor
Holden Kraft

The Empire asks wheather anyone has noticed that Spiderpig has not responded.

[ Lulz lulz. ]

OOC: Gotta be a puppet nation. How else would he know about Clans slingshots? Lulz

I am pretty sure a lot of these nations like this are puppet nations :p

Oddly enough, there actually was an alternate universe mini-series published by Marvel in which Spider-Man was a pig. It was called Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham. It had such great characters as Mary Jane Waterbuffalo and J. Jonah Jackal. His enemies included Doctor Octopussycat, Ducktor Doom, Sandmanatee, Raven the Hunter, the King-Pig and the Green Gobbler. All of Marvel's best superheroes were animals: Captain Americat, Deerdevil, Hulk Bunny, Goose Rider, Croctor Strange, the X-Bugs (their archenemy was Magsquito), The Fantastic Fur (including Mooster Fantastic, the Invisible Wombat, the Simian Torch and the Thang), the Punfisher, the Silver Squirrel... it was great.

The nation is an allusion to the Simpsons Movie.

Oddly enough, there actually was an alternate universe mini-series published by Marvel in which Spider-Man was a pig. It was called Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham. It had such great characters as Mary Jane Waterbuffalo and J. Jonah Jackal. His enemies included Doctor Octopussycat, Ducktor Doom, Sandmanatee, Raven the Hunter, the King-Pig and the Green Gobbler. All of Marvel's best superheroes were animals: Captain Americat, Deerdevil, Hulk Bunny, Goose Rider, Croctor Strange, the X-Bugs (their archenemy was Magsquito), The Fantastic Fur (including Mooster Fantastic, the Invisible Wombat, the Simian Torch and the Thang), the Punfisher, the Silver Squirrel... it was great.

I can pretty much assure you buddy, that if you invaded spiderpig you would get your ass cooked. We may look weak and small... well, we are, but do you think the international community would let us perish?

Yes.

~~President Friedrich Goldwasser.

OOC: Now I know why Greston is trying to invade me. Ah well, thus is the life of a newb. Oh well, my non-existent navy will fend off Greston's giant navy...maybe. >_>

IC:

Official Communique of the Most Serene and Holy Altaic Empire of Tartarystan

We do not know what a spiderpig is, but we hope they have nothing to do with spiders. The Emperor has an...odd fear of spiders. - Imperial Chancellor Tulisen Cirgote

Random Reply of a Mystical Looking Gypsy:

"Google Videos has the answers you seek, young, new nation."

We will provide you with arms for scrap metal and recyclables. Send us your old metal, engines, junk yard material, soda bottles, tin cans, newspapers, and we will provide you with military surplus. We will send you 10,000 AK-103s, 50,000 fragmentation grenades, 5,000 RPG-7's, 5,000 9MM Handguns, 1,000 shoulder launched stinger missiles, and 10,000 helmets, as well as 50 Technical Armored Jeeps with a 23 MM Antiaircraft Machine gun on the back as an initial downpayment on your scrap.

Regards,

Mimi Ohyes, Minister of Trade

The nation is an allusion to the Simpsons Movie.
Duh.

[Greston, unfortunately for you, you're not one of those really strong nations. The reason for this is because you only have 800 million people and your economy is merely "good". You're still a nublet and you won't stop being a nublet until you're here a year, which roughly equals 2 billion in population. Stop acting like you're big and bad, because if you don't I'm going to personally correct this misapprehension of yours.]

[ I was under the impression one did not stop being a prole until they had been here two to three years.

Which means I'm still a prole for several moar months. D: ]

Our Comm./Shipping Corporation, the Gemstome Conglomerate, would like to do business with the Spiderpigs, maybe after a while we can offer you mercenary contracts.
---Master of Comm. Caine

The Greal army would like to send some troops to help train your army, we will also send lots of weapons.

The Greal army would like to send some troops to help train your army, we will also send lots of weapons.

*Nods in agreement*

Yes, Greal will send lots and lots of weapons.

If you like to Spiderpig, you could move to the SOL = Sons of Lenin (has nothing to do wth lenin, trust me. I joined and my nation isn't communist) for temporary military protection. Then, when your nation gets larger, it can move to Haven to join in on the big league nations that blow things up :D.

OOC: SOL never interested me, especially because it was FreeAngola's big region. Talking with him left a bad taste in my mouth.

Spiderpig, the EMpire is the greatest ally you could ever have! your economy, government, military, and world influence would skyrocket, bolstered by our own staggering might. No one would dare resist you power with the Empire at your side. We are one of the most scientifically and culturally advanced societies in the world. As our vassal, none ould even consider you a target. Adn when the day comes that you shall terminate your Vassalship,......

We'll use all the weaknesses we planted in your defences, invade, and make you the latest addition to the Empire!!

OOC: SOL never interested me, especially because it was FreeAngola's big region. Talking with him left a bad taste in my mouth.

OOC: FreeAngola and NC. More than enough reason to stay away.

The United Socialist States of New Brittonia would like to sell some of its used military equiplent.

OOC: It's not Spiderpig anymore, it's Harry Plopper

If Harry Plopper can provide us with an infinite source of clean, quality ham and no filler meat, then we'll be happy to accept, and trade out some guns and nukes. But this supply must be truly infinite. And procured without using inhumane engorgement spells.

If Harry Plopper can provide us with an infinite source of clean, quality ham and no filler meat, then we'll be happy to accept, and trade out some guns and nukes. But this supply must be truly infinite. And procured without using inhumane engorgement spells.

ooc: I was was referring to the simpsons movie commercial

OOC: lol