The Crystal Mountains
04-07-2007, 23:46
TO: The People of Kenny
FROM:Ministry of State, Commonwealth of the Crystal Mountains
RE: Condolences
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We abhor violence against civilians and civilian targets. There is never an excuse or justification for the killing of innocent people who are just doing their jobs.
If we may be of any assistance in recovering from this outrage, please contact our Ministry of State.
The Dictatorship of BombleOfficial Message
The government of Bomble supports most violence in all it's forms. In fact, families are actively encouraged to beat their children for disobedience - in the most public way possible. Public floggings have tripled over the last few years in light of the promotion of such events. Boxing is the most common Bomblean sport - the bareknuckle kind, that is.
Explosions are a different matter. Explosions kill people. We here in Bomble enjoy the sight of someone in excruciating agony, but not the remains of them plastered on walls and pavements. Therefore we reluctantly offer our sincerest condolences to those who were killed in the blast (KILLED, not injured).
The most the allocated budget allows for is little more than a sewing kit and a torch, so monetary gifts are out of the question. In fact, the fund is in the negatives due to the staff party last week (and boy, what a party!). The government of Bomble however, can lease you half of a standard issue Bomblean Navy First Aid Kit and a can of "Death Volcano" - the fizziest canned beverage in the world. We hope that it can be of use for the thirteen days you are allowed to have it. Please note that we require you to replace the can of "Death Volcano" with another can of "Death Volcano" or reemburse us the value of the can in full (T1.95 - about $2.17). As we understand, "Death Volcano" is only available on the black market in your nation. Please also note that a shipping price of T15.00 applies if you require a can sent over from Bomble. Please allow 30 days for the can to arrive.
We once again extend our most reluctand heart-felt sympathies for those who were KILLED by the blast (not injured).
Keep it real,
Zachary Plumbob
Foreign Affairs Advisor