NationStates Jolt Archive

Greetings nations! I am Zapp Brannigan; on behalf of the Democratic Order of Planets I bring you a proposal to join the D.O.O.P! Becoming a member of the D.O.O.P has many benefits! Come join D.O.O.P as we move across the universe spreading democracy to reciprocal nations or spreading bombs to belligerent ones! The D.O.O.P is also reaps the rewards of precious gems, metals, and goods as we invade and plunder obviously submissive nations. Did you think this velour uniform paid for itself? At the D.O.O.P we strive to become a democratic power in a ruthless world! Even if we have to annihilate a couple shady neutral nations! Come join the D.O.O.P! And become a great leader like me Zapp Brannigan!

Shady, yo. But can you intensify what I'm stacking, here? Yo, we strots dont want no gibblez.
But enough talk, have at you!

Magus Ijtralaomnaltavoxm the Unpronouncable,
Department of Incomprehensable Messages

The D.O.O.P doesn't play around! We are a bit heavy handed in our tatics and seem to destroy things but its in the name of peace! Go ahead and issue a biege alert the D.O.O.P will destroy you!

*Ding!*

"You have mail (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=408855)!"

Slim to the mix, parody miester! Trappings of lucidity may be a small red fish! Prepare for foundue!

Magus Ijtralaomnaltavoxm the Unpronouncable,
Department of Incomprehensable Messages

http://usera.imagecave.com/CaptainDeath/VariousShazbotdom/Government-Seal.gif
FROM THE OFFICE OF THE MINISTER OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS
MR. LARRY WILLIAMS
We frown on this organization. IF you attempt to destroy any Shazbotdom interests, we will come down upon you like a pack of wolves on a three legged cat. We will pick you, and your organization clean and then sell what remains to the highest bidder. Do I make myself clear? You are now on our watch list...

"Sir, this is just in!" said the Captain and handed the memo to President Eirikur Lögurinn.

"What's this? Democratic Planets? Crap! Send the following message to them:

(Lögurinn dictates)

Dear mister Zapp,

We are umpteen times more powerful than you. Why should we want to join the POOP?

Signed,
Lögurinn

Now, send it to them. Or don't do it. They're not worth the effort.
Ahh, what the heck, send it anyway – maybe we will get some kind of a reaction – that would've been fun."

Well, at least it's not another "Star Wars" knockoff.....

-- Steelian Minister of Science Fiction

"We would prefer to discuss the matter with Lieutenant Kif Kroker, if possible."

What is the meaning of this impersonation? I, well known hero of the space lanes, who personally slew the famed Sith Lord Darth Dochi-Na, and who has crusaded vigorously to bring peace, justice, and MAN to every world in the universe, am the one true Twenty Five Star General Zapp Brannigan. All inquiries should be directed to me, or to my serf...

[Pained and resigned sigh]

...and lowly house attendant-cum-whipping boy, Kiff Kroaker. He's an alien, because unlike this imposter, I, being a paragon of vir-chew, tolerate aliens, so long as they behave. I embrace them, provided they're female and not too alien...

[Sternographer's Note... I've trimmed this message down for your reading pleasure and sanity ~ Kiff Kroaker]

...and so, I'm a better captain, better general, better endowed, and better tolerator of aliens. I am the man with no name! Brannigan Out!

...Kiff. Take those ear-plugs out and listen... Kiff!

Brannigan Out!

http://www.necrontyr.plus.com/images/branniganav.jpg
Zapp Brannigan, Space Captain Extraordinare.
OD. DOM. Cx. BSc. SSc. DSc.

Buy my book, ‘Zapp Brannigan’s Big Book Of War’ available in all book clearance houses – it’s that popular, every store has it!
http://www.necrontyr.plus.com/images/branniganbook.jpg

Kif Kroker is currently ironing my sensuous velour suit. All matters will be dealt by me Zapp Brannigan. Please if any lustful female aliens are out there feel free to call me Big Zapp. The D.O.O.P is a powerful alliance out to establish planetary order. If you do not abide by us we will carpet bomb you. Or send you to planet Spa 5. Can I offer anyone some shampagin?

So...the OP is a CLONE?
MONSTER! YOU DO NOT BELONG IN THIS WORLD! YOU BENIGHTED SPACE-BABOON! I AM SANGER ZONVOLT, THE SWORD THAT SMITES EVIL! THERE IS NOTHING MY COLLOSAL BLADE CANNOT CUT!

Magus Ijtralaomnaltavoxm the Unpronouncable (AKA Sanger Zonvolt),
Department of Incomprehensable Messages

Long live the D.O.O.P!!!

All neutral worlds and nations beware!
General Zapp Brannigan makes no mistakes
"Kif!"

"Take these miscreants to the Brig!"

"Kif"
"Take these miscreants to the Brig!"

SECRET IC:
SCENE: Imperial Palace, Shaz City, Shazbotdom
"These cowardless dogs don't get it. Were not going to join an organization named "doop". What the hell type of name is that anyways?"

"I don't know, sir," larry said. "But from what this guy says, I feel that they are not that much of a threat to our national security. Although we should locate where they are just in case we need to glass them."

"Yes, yes. I don't want it to come to it but we will if nessisary."