NationStates Jolt Archive

Priscilla Conde (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=528603 ) appears on the screen. She is wearing a Girl Scout parade uniform, complete with medals, beige skirt that only barely reaches to her knees, and combat boots. She smiles at the camera.

“Greetings. I’m Colonel Priscilla Conde. I am seventeen years old. I received medals from multiple nations for my actions at the Aswan Dam.”

Short clip is shown of A7 Skyraider aircraft zooming towards the Dam.

“I was leading a Girl Scout Air Squadron that penetrated the Doomani air defenses. I fired the torpedo that was the first to breach the dam. I risked my life for my country.”

Priscilla is shown mounting a giant motorbike – the Allanean Arms Firebolt. We get a *very* interesting view of her legs as she sits on it.

“Some people ask me what is it about Allanea that makes me so passionate to fight for it. I talk to them about the freedom…”

Footage of Allanean flag waving in the wind as Priscilla speeds by in her bike.

“…about the glory of the past and the hope of the future…”

Footage of bike as it zooms in past a monument, and then past a kindergarten with children playing.

“But really there’s one really good reason for everybody to love Allanea…”

Bike tears out onto a huge highway. We get a view of Priscilla riding the enormous bike at full speed, her skirt flapping and exposing almost her entire legs.

“Allanea has no open-road speed limit – so I can enjoy my Firebolt.”

Allanean Arms marketing logo appears.

Allanean Arms: Feel free to enjoy it.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v42/allanea/allanean%20arms/firebolt.jpg
Priscilla and the Firebolt


* * *

Allanean Arms Firebolt

The Allanean Arms Firebolt is a sports-replica bike - reliable, expensive, and yet fast. And by fast, we at Allanean Arms mean really fast. As in, 320 kilometers per hour. We at Allanean Arms do not recommend the purchase of the Firebolt to people with heart problems or eyesight problems, as well as the elderly.

Cost: $14,000
Top Speed: 320 kph
0-60 mph: 4.2 seconds
Power: 170 hp

Sales Statistictics:

Alacea: 1 million bikes per year
Leafanistan: 1.5 million bikes/year
Wagdog: 100 million bikes per year (Initial sales 150 million bikes)
Calizorinstan: 60 million bikes per year (100 million were sold on the first year, and the President of Calizorinstan owns one).
Siap: 50 million bikes per year (200 million in the first year)
Scandavian States: 75 million bikes per year
Ambrose-Douglas: - 45 million bikes per year.
Pan-Arab Barronia: 75 million/year
Shenyang: 200 million initial sales, 50 million/year
Errikland: 20 million/year
Greal: 65 million/year
New Manth: Initial sales 1 million bikes, further sales negligible.
Romandeos: Initial sales 200,000 bikes, further sales negligible.

Total annual sales: 545,000,000 bikes
Annual Revenue: $7,630,000,000,000

OOC:

As usual, just mention how many of those sell in your country per year, and feel free to post comments about my ad campaign, hate on me IC, send environmentalists to torch my factories, whatever such.

OOC: An awesome ad campaign, I thought...

IC:

The Alleaean Arm's Firebolt has sold 100 million unit's in Calizorinstan, the people love the ad campaign, the president has purchased one for himself, he like's it so much, it's been an astounding success in Calizorinstan.

The Allanean Arms executives are amazed by these great news, and will immediately set up more dealerships in Caliroznistan, also trying to find out if they can maintain a vaguely high amount of sales per year, too, or whether their success will be short lived.

OOC: How many of those should I expect to sell per year from now on?

*tries to follow per annum sales statistsics*

OOC: About 50-65 million a year, the Calizorinstanian's love your new product, that's how much it should sell...

OOC: Wow, thanks, that's awesome.

IC:

~~"That deals with my college tuition issue."

Colonel Priscilla Conde.

OOC: So does some money go to Colonel Priscilla Conde from the sale's, as a marketing deal?, ps I TG'd you Allanea!

OOC: Naturally. I don't know how much, of course, but she shurely must be getting obscenely rich.

The ad sparked a very high interest in the bike in Alacea, an estimated one million may be sold by the end of the year. This is yet another great benchmark in the increasing Alacean-Allanean trade market.

The Sensible Economist, Page 4A

While advertisers claimed the innuendo demonstrated by the commercial didn't compare with actual full sex used for clothing companies [Luxjour Clothing Line] , and outrageous car commercials that actually broadcast detailed technical data in a powerful data burst, the Firebolt has surprised the normally stagnant motorbicycle industry in the Glorious Republic.

Over 750,000 units were sold in the first 6 months with industry analysts predictions again trounced by unusually strong 50,000 units per month in the homeland. [Firebolts on sale! Click here!]

The commercial, like many domestic and international channels were banned in the increasingly 'moral' conservative colony of Wasser in Rovonia. [For more on Wasser click here now]

Copyright 2025 Er, Leafanistan All Rights Reserved

The motorcycle market in Altanar has been growing rapidly, and the Firebolt has captured a big chunk of that market. Over 500,000 of them have been sold so far, with annual sales expected to reach 1 million. Altanar's King and Prime Minister both bought one.

Incidentally, no one in Altanar is really sure why the ad was all that controversial. Most people who saw it absolutely loved it.

[OOC: You really are pushing this child-soldier issue aren't you?]

Official Communiqué
The Foreign Ministry

The Commonwealth mildly condemns the use of underage individuals as active combatants in armed warfare.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v297/Granzi/FM_Sun.jpg
Wenyuan Sun
Minister of Foreign Affairs

The Firebolt became an instant hit in The Community, where many private toll roads have no speed limit either. In the first year over 200 million were sold, however market analysts expect that the figure should plateau at around 40 to 50 million per annum.

An unidentified person, believed to be a student at the University of Esmund, published a slightly modified version of the ad on a popular hosting site. The new version involves a anthropomorphic unicorn, leather and Priscilla displaying more flexibility than commonly accepted by medical professionals. This is expected to do nothing but enhance sales.


Excerpt from Siap Tribune

{Imperial News Network | Motor Edition}

Allanean Arms Firebolt
First Year Sales Hit 75 Million

Haven's most infamous arms company, Allanean Arms, has branched out into the hyperbike market with the introduction of the Firebolt (no letter/number designation as of print). The bike has proven popular on the A Class megahighways that connect of the Duchies of the mainland and the outlying islands, where no speed limit is the rule. Although the Firebolt enters a market rife with competition, the upstart Allanean Arms Motorcycle Division looks to be on the right track for continued sales.

West Corinthian motorcycle enthusiasts are very interested in the Firebolt. However, due to West Corinthia's Energy Independence Act, the vehicle may not be imported until a version capable of running on hydrogen fuel is produced. The government has taken no stance on the issue, though several motorcycle enthusiasts have drafted a petition that would allow them to be exempt from the law.

ADNN Entertainment News

This is Dara Blankhem, ADNN Entertainment. So, you know that new commercial that Allanean Arms put out, the one with their super-pilot girl scout practically showing us everything as she speeds on one of those new 'Firebolt' motorcycles... well, that commercial is now the most downloaded non-porn video of all time in Ambrose-Douglas. It seems like the young 18-25 male demographic, and younger, is simply loving those long, luscious, stunning... I mean, uh, her legs.

Dara Blankhelm, ADNN Entertainment News.

ADNN Economic Report

Sales of the new Allanean Arms Firebolt topped 45 million in their first week on the market in Ambrose-Douglas. Children are reportedly telling their parents to forgo getting them a car in favor of the new motorcycle. The use of Priscilla Conde as a marketing scheme, as well as the use of her legs in their commercial, has paid huge dividends to Allanean Arms as these motorcycles are extremely popular with younger male riders.

Response to Granzi

Colonel Priscilla Conde would like to point out she is in no way underaged, and that the legal age for voting, driving, sex, and killing Doomani in Allanea is 16.

Official Communiqué
The Foreign Ministry

Sixteen seems to be a bit young to be the legal age, but on further consideration, the Commonwealth has more pressing concerns than dealing with soft pornography. In other words, we really don't care.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v297/Granzi/FM_Sun.jpg
Wenyuan Sun
Minister of Foreign Affairs

The Misenae Telegraph
16th June, 2007

Page 4

The Pan-Arab Barronian Censor's Comittee (BCC) today banned the showing of the Allanean Firebolt Commercia featuring Colonel Priscilla Conde.

A statement released today revealed that the cause for this somewhat expected outcome was "the unneccesary sexualisation of a minor...no matter what the age of anything in Allanea, in this nation, our law comes first."

The age at which anyone can appear in anything remotely sexualising is 18 in Barronia.

Illegal download sites are reporting giant interest in the commercial, in which Colonel Conde is found in various compromising positions atop the new Allanean Arms Firebolt motorcycle.

Sales so far as a result of the censorship are depressing at only 12 million sold.

Foreign Super-Bike Storms Shenyang

Initial sales reports seem to indicate that the Allanean 'Firebolt' has managed to capture the attention of the Shenyangi population. Over 200 million have sold despite protests from multiple groups. Observation of government and certain military facilities have shown that the bike has become a favorite of those with power. In particular, they have been seen in the parking lot used by the ODST, and in the parking space used by Chairman Murdock himself.

As stated before, multiple groups protest the importation of this 'super bike,' among them are recent Dooman immigrants, claiming that it finances a war on their homeland, as well as the CPAE (Concerned Parents Against Exploitation) over Colonel Conde's presense in the ad campaign, claiming that it is blatently exploitive. However, Shenyangi government officials have decided that they will honor the laws of the bike's nation of origin.

These protests do not seem to be having any negative effects on sales, and the outlook for the 'Firebolt' seems very bright in Shenyang.

OOC: should drop to 50 million once the initial rush is over.

ENN Report:
Foreign Product - And Advertising - Hits Errikland
In recent weeks, the Allanean "Firebolt," a foreign motorcycle, has reached Errikland, and is becoming the most popular foreign product in the nation. Nearly 5 million units have been sold to date, and a further 20 million units are expected to be sold this year.

However, despite these notable numbers are far from the center of this story, as the Allanean company selling this product has released a very peculiar add campaign.

This campaign, centering around the oft revealed legs of an attractive young woman, has caused some controversy. On nearly every station that has used the add, outcry from concerned consumers has caused the station to drop the it, replacing it with a far less reactive version. However, the few stations which have kept it, along with the great internet popularity of the add, have kept it alive.

"Hey," says urban teen, Jimmy Jones, "They have no problem wit' non-sexual nudity on deh TV, but as soon as it gets any fun they gotta kickit off! Dat's not freedom of speech!"

Others disagree.

"It is our duty to keep this smut away from our children," says Nora Williams, suburban mother, "And if it is easily available with the click of a button on our family television, what can we do?"

Though most stations now refuse to show the add, fearing losing viewers, the issue will probably remain alive for some time.

[OOC: Looks like the civilian market is indeed growing...all thanks to the Van Luxemburg Transportation Automotive Group.]

[OOC: Looks like the civilian market is indeed growing...all thanks to the Van Luxemburg Transportation Automotive Group.]

OOC: Probably

Allanean Arms begins new ad campaign featuring Priscilla Conde

While local censorship laws often ban the appearance of the young 17-year-old-lass on their screens, it's now the Allanean Arms' turn to strike back – both against censorship and against the corporation's critics.

In a one-billion-dollar ad campaign, the company turns to the Internet, in a multi-pronged assault on the sensitivities of the public and the weaknesses of teenagers around the world.

On NSYoutube, multiple ads appear featuring Priscilla – riding a bike, shooting various Allanean Arms firearms, and so forth, as well as modeling swimsuits, bikinis, and so forth, in the vicinity of the famous Firebolt.

On multiple websites – such as NSMyspace, NSBlogspot, and so forth – a series of banner ads appears, showing the new princess of Allanean modeling lying down on the beach (wearing the now-famous Girl Scout uniform), posing with fighter-bombers and tanks, as well as, again, the Firebolt.

All of this serves one purpose alone – to market Allanean Arms, and specifically the Firebolt, to the 'young, hormone-soaked' constituency.

By now, the world has already heard the slogan several times over:

Allanean Arms. Feel Free to enjoy it.

The Misenae Telegraph
17th June 2007

Government Instructs ISPs to Add NSYouTube Banned Sites List

The Barronian Government provoked more controversy today by instructing Internet Service Providers to ban NSYouTube from being viewed by members of the populace, alongside NSMySpace and many others, until the adverts are removed.

A statement released by the government today stated "unlike the Allanean government, this nation has standards on what is deemed acceptable, and until such advertisements are removed, the websites will not be viewable. The sexualisation of a minor is not, repeat not acceptable. Shame on those who believe it so, and on the Allaneans."

Youth in the nation are in uproar about the legislation, whilst many parents celebrate what they long feel to be a bane on their life. One student commented "Yeah, well now I won't be able to mee' no new homies, innit?" Which roughly translated as "Unfortunately, thanks to this legislation, I will no longer be able to socialise on these websites."

Other nations are expected to accuse the government of infringing upon free speech, the government is set to remind them that in civilised society, there is no such thing.

Official Message from the Department of Defense

Really, this is none of our business. Allanean Arms is a private company and Barronia is an independent nation. However we are forced to ask:

You are aware that the clothing which Colonel Conde features in the ads is a military dress uniform of the Girl Scout Corps, yes?

Do we understand correctly that images of Allanean Girl Scouts in training (an activity funded and organized by our Department of Education and the Department of Defense) violate Barronian age-of-consent laws by 'sexualizing' 'minors'? WTF?

Official Message from the Department of Defense

Really, this is none of our business. Allanean Arms is a private company and Barronia is an independent nation. However we are forced to ask:

You are aware that the clothing which Colonel Conde features in the ads is a military dress uniform of the Girl Scout Corps, yes?

Do we understand correctly that images of Allanean Girl Scouts in training (an activity funded and organized by our Department of Education and the Department of Defense) violate Barronian age-of-consent laws by 'sexualizing' 'minors'? WTF?

Pan-Arab Barronian Censor's Committee

What Allanea evidently does not understand is that it is not the uniform (we feel the skirt a little short, but Allanean customs in that context are respected), but the positions that Miss Conde is found in in the advertisement. We would hardly believe you if you claimed that straddling a high-powered sports motorcycle in dress uniform is part of the training such scouts undergo. The scenes of Miss Conde riding the motorcycle, further make our case. If it were training scenes, which they are quite evidently not, then the censors may have taken an entirely different approach.

A young lady of her age, in positions such as those are classed as "Sexualisation of a Minor" under Barronian Legislation, determined by the Chief Censor.

On top of this, Allanea then proceeds to use Miss Conde as a tool against censorship by using various networking sites to host videos of Miss Conde modelling swimwear and other various items, and posing in a manner which the Censor considered to be staged in such a way as to arouse sexually - "sexualisation of a minor".

OOC: I get the feeling Allanea Arms and Barronia aren't going to like each other much... :p

OOC: I get the feeling Allanea Arms and Barronia aren't going to like each other much... :p


I think so too. then again a lot of people dislike AA.

[OOC: Agreed. Say, did you get my telegram about the L8 thread? As for the Allanean Arms product...nice, I'll have to think over it though.]

OOC: Was that all aimed at me?

OOC: I get the feeling Allanea Arms and Barronia aren't going to like each other much... :p
[OOC: Agreed. Say, did you get my telegram about the L8 thread? As for the Allanean Arms product...nice, I'll have to think over it though.]

To the Allanean government
Your ads will not be shown in The Shadow Empire of Imperial at all and the bike all so will not be sold here too.
A note from us at Military HQ our youngs Fighter Pilot Ace in the Third Imperial and Helghan War was only 15 when they made Ace in the first two weeks of the war

from
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t69/zxc_047/seal12.gif

Message from Allanean Arms to a random Barronian Advertising Agency

"Do you know of any Barronian model that could start in a Barronian-legal version of the Firebolt ad?"

Message from Allanean Arms to a random Barronian Advertising Agency

"Do you know of any Barronian model that could start in a Barronian-legal version of the Firebolt ad?"

OOC: And....you're round the censor. Nicely done.

Centrale Modelling Agency

To: Allanean Arms
From: John Alpec, Head of Human Resources

We are very pleased you have decided to take interest in our services.

At the moment, we have two models available that we feel would be suitable for this advert.

Chantelle Simons, 21. Svelte, Blond hair, blue eyes, 5'11", 65kg. Modelling since the age of 18. Primarily does magazine fashion shoots.
Florence Verona (no relation to the Chancelloress), 22. Curvy, Brunette, Hazel Eyes, 5'9", 62kg. Has proven to be very popular amongst the male population, appearing on several television advertisements since her career began at 19.


We can appreciate entirely that the Barronian censors are somewhat strict, and we can advise on what will and will not be deemed acceptable.

Do not hesitate to contact us in that regard.

Yours,

John Alpec

Official Allanean Arms Response:

We will happily contact both women. We would like Florence Verona to star in a Barronian version of the Firebolt ad, and for Chantelle Simmons to star in an ad for an Allanean Arms Sandstorm ( http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12760734&postcount=2). These ads will be, we hope, developed by your agency specifically in consideration of the demands of Barronian culture and sensitivities.

OOC: Assume the company will be paid appropriately for it's services.

The Misenae Telegraph Online
17 June 2007

Barronia Allows New Firestorm Ad; Barronia Male Population Thrilled

Barronia modelling agency Centrale has been contracted by Allanean Arms to compose a new Firestorm Advertisement, reports say.

The agency is set to produce two versions featuring 18+ models - one pre- and one post-watershed. Both will feature Florence Verona, a well-known Barronian model, the object of affection for men everywhere.

With the new adverts are expected huge sales rises - some of the fastest rises in Barronian motoring history are expected - some 75 million bikes predicted to be sold.

Official Response of the Allanean Arms Companies

Due to the high sales of our bikes all over the world, and due to the introduction of new manufacture technologies, we would like to reduce the price of our bikes by $1,000 dollars. We hope this helps to improve our sales even further.

(OOC: This was due to me researching the price of RL bikes of comparable models)

OOC PS: Barronia, go look at the Sandstorm, it's great.

OOC PS: Barronia, go look at the Sandstorm, it's great.

OOC: Looks good. Not too bad a 0-60 for a two-ton 4WD, in my opinion.

OOC: Was that all aimed at me?
[OOC: Yes indeed.]

[OOC: Yes indeed.]

OOC: Telegram...telegram...I received one from you ages ago, regarding the L8. I kinda got overly busy, should've let you folks know. Lost that now...telegrams flying left right and center for me, mainly with Wagdog and Chandelier...

The Sportsman Monthly: Firebolt makes a disappointing showing in the domestic market

This time last month, many racing writers were raving about the new Allanean Firebolt, which was set to debut on dealership floors two weeks ago. A number of dealers ordered the impressive-looking new bike, and advance orders are said to have reached nearly 1,000,000.

Unfortunately for the imported auto industry, the Firebolt and other foreign cars made a poor showing against domestic models this year. With the price of gasoline so high for civilians, many apparently preferred to let their wallets make the decision and stayed with the line of hybrid-electric and pure electric vehicles offered by Integrated Auto. Firebolt sales were buffered by interest in the racing industry, but even so, of the roughly 1,000,000 vehicles ordered so far, industry analysts are now forecasting sales of less than 600,000 before the year is out, and future sales are expected to drop off sharply as the novelty of the bike wears out and the market becomes saturated. Sales this year were mostly driven by either racing enthusiasts or collectors, mostly within the top 5% of the income bracket.

Dealer Asad Hadarzi blamed the bike's poor performance on government tariffs, fierce domestic competition and the National Highways act, which sets the maximum highway speed limit at 120 kilometers per hour.

OOC: I guess my people are pretty much inured to the tactic of using pretty girls to sell cars by now... ;) Allanea, 1,000,000 bought, negligible amounts will be imported in the future as dealers try to sell off existing stock.

And so Allanean Arms again sent out it's agents, this time to New Manth, looking for local companies to buy out, and local ad agencies to hire.

The Tasmardonia Telegraph:
Dr. Royal Snavely.

Recently, the highways of Romandeos have begun to see a fiery new motorbike produced in Allanea: the Firebolt.

Boasting a top speed of 320 kilometers an hour, the Firebolt is the fastest motorcycle, and likely the fastest civilian motor-vehicle period in this kingdom. It can outstrip anything an indigenous company offers, and can even outrun some Royal Police land vehicles, though it can not outrun them all…or so we hope.

First seen in illegal street races in the capital city of Tasmardonia, the Firebolt has made a huge impression on young people in Romandeos.

“I just love this thing!” said illegal street-biking champion William Pitt. “It’s the quickest motorcycle on the streets, man! It’s so damn fast it’s crazy!”

Mr. Pitt was tagged by the RP Capital Patrol on the night he gave that statement riding an imported Firebolt. His pursuers could not catch him. He was arrested the next morning, at his house. Despite loud initial protestations from the Police, the Firebolt continues to, and likely will continue to sell quickly throughout the nation.

“The dealers shouldn’t be selling these bikes,” said Lieutenant Bryan Lynch. “When such hilariously fast bikes are sold to kids like this you are begging for an accident. They don’t know how to handle the responsibility. A kid climbs on to this crotch-rocket, and thinks it has the ability to let him outrun the Police anytime he wants to.”

Despite these protests, RP representatives have actually announced plans to buy Firebolts in unspecified quantities in the immediate future.

Estimates are that perhaps 200,000 Firebolts have been purchased to date. Yearly purchases will likely be low following the initial purchase surge with the nation's present condition.

OOC:

I don't know, I just felt like posting something. I don't do enough non-military activity on NS.

~ Romandeos.

WIBC News Special Report: Firebolts of Freedom and Fun!
"Good evening, Comrades and Citizens. I'm Poliana Bárique, and this is WIBC Channel 1 Evening News.

In our special report, despite the shrinking consumer market due to anxieties over the Doomani situation and the possibility of general mobilization related to this, nonetheless some firms are in fact benefiting quite well from recent events. Already expanded well due to leftover production capacity from prior mobilizations in the various Hatarian and spinoff crises of recent years, Wagdog's automotive industry has now been host to a deals firestorm in its private subsector due to the arrival of Allanean Arms' controversial new hyperbike: The Firebolt."

[Clips of the ads play in captions, starting with the original...]

"While the advertisements drew scorn from several other nations, due to the very sexualized depiction of model and decorated combat veteran Priscilla Conde while riding the Firebolt during the original sales pitch, the initial run of the ads in Wagdog actually preceded the availability of the bikes. Still, the ads were quite popular, since Allanean laws regarding Age of Consent are actually quite similar to our own in most respects by placing it at age 16; and we certainly have no shortage of the so-called 'young, hormone-soaked' demographic in that range to whom this ad appeals.

[Clips of the other ads play in captions; rotating between the internet and TV spots in their various versions...]

"And since the new advertising campaign began, not to mention the accompanying price reduction; Firebolt sales in our nation have taken off like their namesake indeed. Current sales have surpassed the 150 million mark, and a sustainable per annum rate of 100 million is projected by the local dealerships. Whether this can be sustained in fact as well as in market projections, given the tense international situation and the effects it could have on our civilian economy during wartime, is of course another question entirely.

[Footage of generally-happy customers busily perusing private auto dealerships for Firebolts, frequently strapping on helmets to test-drive their desired models; with some clips showing dealerships already sold-out, redirecting lines of unfortunate latecomers elsewhere...]

But for now, business is humming along well for those private auto dealerships willing to venture into the trade with Allanea that, although steadily growing for some time, has boomed of late due to our nations' common political and economic cause against the Doomani. Customer satisfaction with the bikes themselves is generally good, although reports of inadequate initial import quantities delivered for the Firebolt have provoked shortages in some local automotive markets, which are being addressed as best as can be; orders for new stock being issued in droves to attempt to keep supply in line with demand. Bringing you this consumer-interest Special Report, I'm Comrade Poliana Bárique; and this is WIBC News. Sports and international news when we return..."

The Allanean Arms response in Wagdog was swift. Thousands of agents descended upon the country, opening up dealerships not just for the Firebolt, but for all other vehicles (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=529723) produced by the company.

The company paid over 150 million dollars to create an advertising blietzkriegs, peddling it's cars and it's toys (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=530361) to a Wagdoggian population which was already enamoured with it's bikes.

The Greal Government confirms romours that 130 million bikes were sold in Greal so far, the number is large because the Greal government has made them cheaper.

1. How many would sell per year?

2. Go look at my toys thread.

The Greal Government confirms romours that 130 million bikes were sold in Greal so far, the number is large because the Greal government has made them cheaper.

1. How many would sell per year?

2. Go look at my toys thread.



released 2 years ago, so 65 million per year.