NationStates Jolt Archive

Hatarian Imperial Times

Hataria's largest craze since Empress Serena came to the throne many years ago is hitting The Box offices nationwide. The Anime Sci-fi Movie Sakura no Umi no Tsuki (Rated 'R-16' for Fantasy Violence, Adult Scenes, Sexual Sences and Horror Sences) is The hit this summer.

Sakura no Umi no Tsuki is about a rice Farmer in Eastern Hataria who has lost his Wife and two of his Children in a Car Crash, and has only his 15 old son left. But Before this gets all Famliy Film................It Happens.

a odd looking thing falls from The Sky on to The Rice field and as the Locals soon came to it, a Large Scorpion like Robot Comes out and starts Destroying The Town, soon more Pods fall and The farmer, his son and The son's Girlfriend soon have to fight The Alien Invaders to escape to The Black Islands, as it seems The Aliens (Which look like Giant Cobras and also Control The ScorpionBots) don't like Water. It is a Tale of Survival for The Small Group.

The Main Thing in this is that The one Sex Scene Between the Son and his Girlfriend is the talk of The Nation, why show it? and also one scene where news from around The world tells of Questers being Nuked by The aliens is causing many People to come to the Movies.

Director Kagome Haiagi said that She hopes that this Movie is Shown around The world. “This will show the world that Hataria is not all War”

Sakura no Umi no Tsuki has reached 12,000,000,00 Rutas when it was first Shown.

In Kahanistan, tens of thousands of moviegoers talk about the new Hatarian film. Most people in Kahanistan do not speak Japanese, and the Hatarian producers are flooded with letters from Kahanistan, mostly in English, others in really bad Japanese, asking if the film has English subtitles. Some are also attracted by the anti-Questarian sentiment, as Questers' support for Doomingsland in its war with Automagfreek has alienated many people in Kahanistan.

Those few people in Kahanistan who speak Japanese are thrilled. Some even travel to Hataria as tourists in order to see it, pumping money into the Hatarian economy as they do so.

State Department Communication
The Senate has voted to ban any TPF citizen from seeing the movie. This is due to an anti-Questerian scene in which it shows them being nuked. This once again shows the world Hatarian's thirst for blood and their inherent barbarism.

In Axis Nova, the anime achieves a moderate to low following amongst the anime community (such as it is), with praise being given to the action scenes and soundtrack, but some criticism lauded on the overly simplistic story and poor voice acting. Ironically enough, the importer advertising it as banned in some countries actually increased the interest in it.

Despite the high viewership of "Sakura's Sea's Moon" through illegal downloads, it has been widely criticized throughout the empire for being dull.

As quoted from some nerds review.
"At first I downloaded it thinking it was some kinda parody, considering the name is grammatically incorrect, but then it had some sort of serious plotline, yet no widescale blood and gore, and only one mild sex scene without any catgirls nor tentacle monsters. I was extremely disappointed."

Meanwhile the conservatives of the Imperial party have used such comments as above to prove that the Martial spirit of Nicksyllvanian youth is being impaired by the arts and seeks the destruction of all media that holds no educational merit. The ruling majority, the Social Imperialist Party has responded with a no.

In counter to this blatant anti-Questarian propaganda, already banned in many fine civilisations such as TPF, and finding its home amongst Communists and Zionist gangsters in Kahanistan, and of course originating in Hataria, the Questarian Imperial Film Directorate [IFD] has been contracted by H.M Government to create a counterpiece called 'The Birth of a Nation', detailing the bloody and murderous history of Hataria.

It is expected to break records amongst Questarian cinemas were already this film has caused some concern and irony, especially the nuclear holocaust scenes and the depiction of Questarians in general.
-The Questarian Mandate

Because everything produced by Hataria is an insult to the the intelligence of any civilized human being, the movie has been banned by the Ministry of Health, which produced a number of reasons why one should not see this film. Among them, male patients were shown to have a decreased sperm count after viewing, a decreased breast size in females and an overall decrease in I.Q. points. Some patients have even shown signs of leukemia, brain tumors and blindness!

-Reich Foreign Ministry-

The ANNN picks up the story of the ailments affecting the Tocrowkian people, and said people become the butt of jokes nationwide over being so mentally weak as to succumb to physical illness over a piece of fiction. For months afterwards, amateur comedians pull in a tidy sum by incorporating jokes about the supposedly prissy Tocrowkians into their routines, and several contests are started to find things that will produce the same reactions in an average Tocrowkain.

Through all of this the government has not bothered to comment one way or another, viewing a piece of (to them) unremarkable fiction to be a waste of a government's time.

Despite no moves from the Dyelli Beybian censorship board to mimic other nations and ban the film. While traditionally the Dyellian public disliked anime films, this one provoked an unusual amount of interest, with at least one alternative movie parlour in each major population centre making inquiries into obtaining a copy, it seemed there were a lot of people who wanted to see what all the fuss was all about...

In recent news reports, the film ran in Siriusa. Nothing spectacular happened, it just ran, got low reviews, and barely any viewers. The viewers, however, went a multitude of times, nearly five times per person.

"It's just so great that anime is becoming mainstream! Now go see it, before I kill you with my sword or pagan powers!" One of the viewers said, a boy wearing a black robe, a wig with long white hair, and a plastic sword.

"I love the way some other countries are making films like this," another exclaimed, a girl wearing scanty clothing and a pair of clip-on cat ears.

"What the hell is Sakura's Sea's Moon? Some new planet?" said your average Joe on the street. He was wearing shoes, pants, and a shirt.

The general overall response was, on the other hand, "I'm not interested in seeing some movie that's full of Hatarian propaganda." It has been also agreed to that the few people who do like it like it simply because it is anime.

"I asked someone dressed up as one of the characters what it was about, and she said, 'who cares? It's anime!' and she did that annoying little peace sign. Why do I even bother?" says psychologist Richard Greer.

Movie Review for "Sakura no Umi no Tsuki"

By Movie Reviewer Raniyo Kambayo.

The New Hit in Hataria, Sakura no Umi no Tsuki is what I call The Best Animated Movie of The Year. This new Movie from Director Kagome Haiagi is being hailed as the Best in all Hataria, along with The Kuronan Movie Yin and Yang.

The Movie is about a Rice Farmer and his son living in Eastern Hataria. The Rice farmer's Son soon gets into trouble after having Sex with his Girlfriend and well, gets her knocked up.

But Before The father can kick him out, something lands in his Rice Field and it is a Bunch of Killer, Giant Robot Scorpions, controled by a Race of Giant Snakes from Regulus, They destroy Maidia City and soon The Invasion Spreads around The world, They even Blast Questers and Automagfreek (The B******)

well, the Farmer, his son and The Girl soon head for The Sea, where The Snakes and their ScorpionBots. Seems That These Aliens can't swim.

I say The Movie is Great, The Animation Fantastic and The Voice Acting is Good.

Two Thumbs Up on this Movie.

Hatarian Film Fails Utterly

Article taken from the back page of 'Skgorria Today' and written by Igor Castarky

The Hatarian film 'Sakura no Umi no Tsuki' has been shown to select audiences in Skgorria, and reactions to it are amusing to say the least.

Needless to say, many of us were suprised that the censors decided that this film was appropriate for our audiences. However the film was shown for one showing only in a selection of towns and cities to remind us of what drivel Hataria is made of.

And what drivel indeed! The animation was dreadful, the writing appalling and the soundtrack resembled the last gasps of a dying crow with a punctured lung. What is even more amusing is that the Hatarian director claims "This will show the world that Hataria is not all War" but the entire film revolves around war and even includes a nuclear genocide! This is yet another example of Hatarian idiocy and makes us wonder that with such small intellect, it is a wonder that the Hatarians were able to resist the Coalition onslaught at all and did not spend the whole time dribbling like the morons they are.

The film is banned apart from the select viewings that have taken place, as we do not our minds to be polluted with the decadent spewings of what passes for Hatarian creativity. Several senior Skgorrian officials have spoken out against the portrayed Questrian genocide, with one senior State Police commander going on the record as saying "Hatarians clearly demand genocide - I say we give it to them." SAD has yet to comment on the feasibility of such operations.

The Skgorrian Film Board has yet to comment on the Hatarian film but offers to the Questrians the services of several hundred Hatarian POWs in the interest of accuracy. "Let the Devil play Himself," one official suggested.

As quickly as the Hatarian film appeared on the scene, it has been forgotten and replaced with the latest installment in the 'Hauptmann Herman' series. 'Hauptmann Herman: Mission to Madrid' is expected to do very well in the coming weeks.

Atopian Film Release Board Press Release:

For the good of the nation, we have impounded and burnt all copies of the Hatarian crime against humanity otherwise known as the film 'Sakura no Umi no Tsuki'. This hideous excresence of a so-called 'film' was so appallingly bad in all respects that one reviewer shot herself rather than continue watching the opening credits. Another reviewer, with great presence of mind, emptied the clip of his service pistol into the screening equipment. He has been commended by the Primo herself.

Given the nature of this drivel, we have decided to take the step of releasing all previously banned films. The worst of these is nowhere near as bad as this disgusting offence to humanity that the Hatarians have foisted upon the world - even Bolshevik lies are preferable to Hatarian mental excresence.

Finally, we are classifying all further Hatarian cinematographical efforts as 'weapons of a psychological nature likely to wound' and blanket-banning them from Atopiana.

"....This new Hatarian film has been recommended as an alternative to Ipecac for use as an emetic in Pwnage hospitals. Research shows that 'Sakura no Umi no Tsuki' works much more quickly and effectively than Ipecac in inducing vomiting...."-The Scalpel, Pwnage Medical Journal.

Though the Federal Film Classifcation Board (FFCB) rates the film viewable at an 16 certifacate it finds little viewership in the Socialist Federation. It is rated poorly and universally panned by critics.
It develops a small cult following but is widely ridiculed especially on the internet where sections of the film are taken out of context and modified to be made self ridiculing and used as signatures and avatars on web based forums.
However several Admins have banned these on the grounds of them being offensive material.

The film in fact reaches no. 1 on the Yanpei Infotech channels 600 worst films of all time. Position no.2 being reserved for a future sequel if any, as in the words of presenter Sirra Li 'Nothing in the universe can be worse than this piece of gho se.'

In other news several law suits have been made against the company that distributes the film in Ato-Sara on the charges that it induced uncontroallable vomiting and temporary blindness.

New Dowland Times - Page 5, 'Current Affairs' Section'

Hatarian Anime Film Used For Torture - Authorities Deny Charges

With the release of the recent Hatarian film, 'Sakura no Umi no Tsuki' to the general public throughout the world, a bizarre and somewhat worrying allegation has been made by several members of the Red Cross based in the Grand Monarchy. Doctor Donald Forrester, speaking in a press conference today in Dowland City, argued that the Hatarian Anime film, which has been savaged by critics throughout the Grand Monarchy, has been used by military authorities to torture prisoners and suspects held in the alledged Military Detainment Camps on Lewis Island. Forrester, when questioned at the conference, stated that '...an illegal copy of the film has been purchased by the military authorities from unknown sources. It is being shown in a continuous loop in Detainment Camps on Lewis Island, with alledged prisoners being forced to watch the film for days on end. This is nothing but psychological torture, and must be stopped.' Authorities contacted by this newspaper refused to comment on the allegation.

Today, Julius Marcarius was found gulity of manslaughter, torture, and kidnapping and was sentenced to life in prison without chance of parole. It seems tha Marcarius smuggled a copy of the latest Hatarian film "Sakura no Umi." and and forced his former girlfriend to watch the whole thing. The girlfriend died from choking on her own vomit, and Marcarius was arrested from a neighbor who called the police on hearing screams.
- Channel 3 News at 21:00

OOC: Hataria, let's just say that if you're trying to persuade some of us you've reformed, that was not a good way to do it. A film which has one of your enemies nuked- yeah, we're still not convinced.

The film was aired in several small screenings across the country, receiving moderate reviews. Those polled admitted that they had trouble understanding the plot and were completely unaware of the goings on between Hataria and Questers. The film received the greatest support at the Esmund Film Festival, where pranksters ignited one kilogram of marijuana in the ventilation shafts. The smoke entered the theater where it was playing, and the entire audience ranked it as one of the best films they had ever scene.

This film has attained a cult status like that of "Repo Man" and "The Big Lebowski".

OOC: Hey, Repo Man is good, even if you're straight.
IC:
The Commonwealth Post
WTF? A Movie?!
Despite the overall low quality of the film, the film is a big success in the Commonwealth. It's the first foreign movie that's been willing to license to GTR theatres for years, because of the horrendously low returns that movies tend to make amongst the working-class of the nation. Most moviegoers were just happy that a film was actually showing in the theatres for once. While most projectors were actually out of order, because of years of vandalism by the teens who normally use the theatres as places to hang out/do drugs, audiences packed into the remaining screens and were amazed at the sight of the giant moving pictures.

Crookfur Cinemas to show more Foreign Films?

Because of the some what insular nature of the Crokfur film industry, foreign films have always had a low profile amoungst Crookfur's veiwing public but possibly this might be changing if the current interest surrounding the Hatarian film 'Sakura no Umi no Tsuki' is anything to by. Of course one must consider the influence the international hysteria over this film has had on driving demand with the reports of physical illness being of particular interest.
Now finally released to Cinema's nationwide the response to 'Sakura no Umi no Tsuki' has been disapointing, mainstream audiences didn't particualrly take to the so called "anime" style of animation and Anime fans have found the film to be a derivative and uninspired example of genre. A few quotations from cinema goers helps us to illustrate this:
Alex Jarlson, 17, a student from Conal had this to say: "Man that film sucked arse, i mean what the feck with the hype you know? i was pure looking forward to spewing ma guts oot all over the place and laughing at every other muppet do'in the same but i didnae even fell a wee bit ill which was pure pish man. Some of the action was ok and the bit where aw they posh types got nuked was pure mental but the rest of it was a pure mosher geek fest ya know."

Felix MacLoed, 31, a New media consultant remarked: "Hmm yes, the motifs in action were particularly powerful what with the use of the primeval symbology in the form of the alien's bodys and vehicles although i must admit the plot line of the devastation of large nations who can only be indentified as past antagonists of the hatarian people was more than litle over played. The animation was not of notable quality but it got the job done, the story line outside of the primary was some what weak with very few characters have any depth at all.

Finally we hear from Josh Killimont, 26, IT admisnitrator and head of the lcoal Anime appreciation chapter: "Yeah it was ok if pretty much similar to most run of the mill anime, the whole invasion from space and important natiosn getting nuked thing has been done so many tiems before. Also there were more than a few plot holes, i mean why do the snake people have ships mecha shaped as scorpions? I mean how do they know what a scorpion is? or are scorpion analogues the kind of beast that preyed on the ancestors? As for the bit about not being able to cross water what a pile of crud, i mean they cna biuld mecha and can fly acorss the galaxy but they don't know how toi biuld boats or even intraatmospheric aircraft?"

Hatarian "Blockbuster" Flops

With the reviews it had recieved in Hataria, I have to say I was anticipating the release of Sakura no Umi no Tsuki (Lit. "Lucky Ocean Cherry Blossom," a name that seems to have nothing to do with the story). With reviews like that, it couldn't be bad, right? Boy was I wrong.

Calling Sakura a derivative trainwreck would be rather generous. With a plot that seems stolen from classics such as War of the Worlds and Signs, gaping plot holes, underage sex (animated underage sex, at that) and unveiled racism, Sakura may just rank amongst the worst films in history. Combined with a poorly chosen score, the film's weak seiyuu undermine an already unstable film, sending it sprawling. On the bright side, we can at least find some amusement in what we can only hope was a purposeful pratfall.

In short, ignore everything you've heard about the film before it was released abroad. This horrid little picture has absolutely no redeeming qualities. However, if you've already managed to acquire it on VHS, you can at least amuse yourself with some festive black party streamers. Just don't look too closely at the frames.

Nathan Kurosawa
Errant News

Shakal Propaganda Ministry

Herr Goebbels sat in his chair reading through various media forms that wanted to be approved for entry into the country. He saw one from Hataria and immiediatly redied his red pen for banning. He however was curious at the story and read part of the script. He decided that the movie ws allowable for children. It possed no real meaning, and it was a cartoon, the perfect thing to show young sponge like minds. He reluctantly signed APPROVED FOR TODDLERS ONLY on the top sheet and moved on.

[OOC: Shakal lets its children watch hentai?

(Sex scene + anime movie = well, figure it out yourself)

Also, LOL OTAGIA, I was waiting for someone to translate it and see what it says... can you read romanji fluently?]

[OOC: Shakal lets its children watch hentai?
(Sex scene + anime movie = well, figure it out yourself)


OOC:My nation is very allowing when it comes to these things. Its the only way to explain how each day 2 million people are added to the population. LOL

OOC: Hey, Repo Man is good, even if you're straight.


OOC: Repo man is a great movie, but it is excellent if you are high. As is The Big Lebowski. I'm implying that my populace enjoys the movie whilst stoned.

OOC:My nation is very allowing when it comes to these things. Its the only way to explain how each day 2 million people are added to the population. LOL

[OOC: yeah, good point XD]

OOC: Repo man is a great movie, but it is excellent if you are high. As is The Big Lebowski. I'm implying that my populace enjoys the movie whilst stoned.

OOC: Ah. I thought you were implying that the movies suck when you're not stoned. My bad.

MOVIE REVIEW
This past weekend a new movie hit the box offices in Shazbotdom. It stemmed from the remote Nation of Hataria, the sight of several major conflicts within the past few months. Although a little more than 120,000 Shazbotdom Nationals went to see it, it did score a total 2.5 out of 5 stars. The highest score for a movie of this type.

Kagome Haiagi Plans another Movie

Kagome Haiagi is happy over The Money from The Hatarian and Kahanistani Showing of Sakura no Umi no Tsuki that she is already planning a International Movie, which will be a Live Action Sci-fi that is named Star Ship Chikyuu Ryu that She hopes will be bigger then Sakura no Umi no Tsuki.

"In fact We are going to look for Actors from other Nations to play in it." Kagome said, "This will be a Good Year for Sci-Fis."

Upon hearing that the Hatarians were touting for foreign actors to play in their next science-fiction 'film', the Atopian Film Release Board has ordered the immediate internment of all members of the Atopian Union of Actors and Crew. All of the AUAC volunteered themselves for internment, and at least two hung themselves rather than face the possibility of interest from Hatarian directors.

OOC: I should totally release "NationStates: Total War".

OOC: I should totally release "NationStates: Total War".

OOC:I would gladly help you with that. It would be hilarious, and yet consist of nothing but war and Ruffy...

Film has been accepted into Kanami by Black Hawk Films Ltd.

Certification: R


Hatarian Block Buster Soars at the Box Office

(Reuters)-The Hatrian film Sakura no Umi no Tsuki after being quickly picked up by Black Hawk Films Ltd. in Kanami has proven to excell expectations at the box office jumping to #1 at the Box Office, ironically beating out Alex Thorton's (who's studio is distributing the film) Cherry Blossom Dreams and even beating out Yin and Yang as well as Sakura Taisen's Melody. "It's really quite funny," The Film's Distributor Throton said, "Everyone was urging me to not pick this film up because it was doing so poorly internationally, but I could see no reason to not pick it up. And what happens, it's a block buster!" Sakura Taisen also has proven to love the film. "It was a great great movie. And it's also great to see more female directors. Even Kanami's toughest Critic Saki Katsuma liked the film and scored it a "B-"

Performance, it has grossed well over 15.0 Million Kanamians in it's opening and is estimated to gross twice that much by the end of the next week. It is also being screened in over 200 theators across the country, and is set to release on IMAX and MEGAMAX in a month.

This film has been accepted into Aqua Anu with an R Certificate (Rating)

The Greal Movie reviews rated this 7.9/10

but that did not stop the movie from making 45 million this weekend.

Upon hearing rumors of Hataria possibly continuing to pump out science-fiction movies with aliens and genocide, and this time it would include live actors, the Siriusan film industry can only look onward towards the impending doom of Siriusan interest in foreign film. After the last disasterous film, the industry has contemplated completely closing its doors to Hataria.

In fact, the reaction to the last film was so bad, it was removed from Siriusa, save for the official government archives (where it won't be reopened or watched anytime soon). The scenes of genocide against the people Questers raised an uproar of anti-Hataria and pro-Questers feelings. Several times, the law enforcement had to escort moviegoers out of the theatre due to the large crowds of hostile protesters outside. In short, the movie was banned by the people and it won't be coming back anytime soon.

We can only hope that Hataria's second film doesn't give the people any more reason throw rocks at movie theatres displaying foreign films, but when viewing the aftermath of the last film, there does not appear to be much hope.


"It appears that Hataria isn't just content with one film hitting the box office. No, it is intent upon many future films not just hitting, but repeatedly brutally beating the box office and pummelling it savagely it while it's down and defenseless. This will be a bad year for films," Says popular Siriusan film director Dan Pizzano.

HALF-HEARTED HATARIAN HASH HATCHES HATRED

The recent Hatarian move, Sakura no Umi no Tsuki, was released today in the R.S.U. to see what all the controversy was about. The first city that had received the film had deemed it so bad that you'd rather be ripped in half with Hatarian machine gun fire than watch their movies.
"The plot of Sakura no Umi no Tsuki; blinked and you could have missed it." Commented critics, who only managed to survive watching the film by repeatedly smacking their heads against the chair in front.
"To describe Sakura no Umi no Tsuki as a bad move would be like describing the Holocaust as a nuisance." Overall, it has been seen as the worst film since Resident Evil: Apocalypse.
"Watch out Paul Anderson, Hataria's stealing the limelight."

The film was rated: N/A. Popular film director Ivan Yankov is apparently all ready working on a spoof. The spoof is expected to be a blockbuster.
"This piece of crap is an insult to great Anime epics like Appleseed." Yankov stated.

In the meanwhile the Anime is a huge hit in Allanea. In fact, medical studies has proven it increases the sexual stamina of males who were watching it, and it has become part of the training ratio of 6 out of Allanea's infantry divisions.

Further, 60 million copies of the show on DVD were sold.

OOC: I should totally release "NationStates: Total War".

Ooh! ooh! count me in!

Just like in Kanami and Allanea, in Ravenstkia, the Hatarian film was a hoot.

The Ravenstkian Socialist Government had willingly transferred 4 billions of it's funds to the use of Hataria.

OOC:I would gladly help you with that. It would be hilarious, and yet consist of nothing but war and Ruffy...

Indeed, we can make it a joint project, but I want to reserve the right to decide who is in or out, as well as expansion packs =p

Ooh! ooh! count me in!

Sounds fair enough.

New Hatarian film a laugh riot with edited scenes:

Sakura no Umi no Tsuki a new Hatarian film, was quite succesfull in Calizorinstan, garnering 65 million ocan's in 1 week, but only because of some hilarious edits:

A laugh track added to after every person's dialouge
The nuking of Quester scene, modifed to be a nuking of Hataria scene.
Horn's added on every Hatarian, and a cow mooing every time one of them does something stupid.

Cazelian Herald Movie section

The Hatarian film Sakura no Umi no Tsuki hit a record breaking 65 million credits. the critics rated it a 'two thumbs up'. even the president liked it, and had it added to his personal library. the official rating was 8/10.