NationStates Jolt Archive

(OPEN FOR DISCUSSION)

The Holy Empire of Fattieville has recently come under new leadership.

As a theocracy, the Empire is governed now by Pope Lardo III, who has begun mobilizing its forces.

He declared on thursday that the entire world will crumble underneath the might of Fattieville, and that the heathens will be converted or die.

Public approval is at an all-time low amongst most domestic citizens, but military troops are somewhat enthusiastic due to the brainwashing system employed by the recruitment agency.

Some passerbys on the street were asked about their opinions:

"We're fucked," says designer Libby Tazer.

"We're a small island nation with barely any military. The man is insane," says accountant Pipe Frosh.

"God clearly mandated Lardo's ascension, and this is his will. I hope it works out," says Priest Leo Shamas.

Lardo III has yet to announce his plans for the initiation of this crusade. The people wait in fear and anticipation.

Official Londim Response

To: Fattieville
Re: War

The Fourdom is deeply distubred by your leadership. Please refrain from provoking any nation. Should you do armies that number more than your entire population will devour you. Back down or face the consequnces.

Signed

The Four

I suggest you assasinate your leader. I could do it for a nominal fee.

(OPEN FOR DISCUSSION)

The Holy Empire of Fattieville has recently come under new leadership.

As a theocracy, the Empire is governed now by Pope Lardo III, who has begun mobilizing its forces.

He declared on thursday that the entire world will crumble underneath the might of Fattieville, and that the heathens will be converted or die.

Public approval is at an all-time low amongst most domestic citizens, but military troops are somewhat enthusiastic due to the brainwashing system employed by the recruitment agency.

Some passerbys on the street were asked about their opinions:

"We're fucked," says designer Libby Tazer.

"We're a small island nation with barely any military. The man is insane," says accountant Pipe Frosh.

"God clearly mandated Lardo's ascension, and this is his will. I hope it works out," says Priest Leo Shamas.

Lardo III has yet to announce his plans for the initiation of this crusade. The people wait in fear and anticipation.

The United States of Shalrirorchia condemns the escalation of tensions by the Theocracy. Shalrirorchian commercial interests in the region are under the protection of the S.D.F. (Shalrirorchian Defense Force). Any effort to interfere with Shalrirorchian fiscal operations in the region, or any armed aggression against the Shalrirorchian territory of Jaonxi or (further away) mainland Shalrirorchia will be met with full defensive forces. We invite Pope Lardo III to Shalcoria to discuss this diplomatic hiccup in more detail.

"What the hell is this?" asked Erusean Premier David Mondol. "Who the fuck do these guys think they are?" He chuckled as he said this. "Heathens too, huh?"

"Umm, sir? Suggestions?" The minister of foreign affairs had a worried look on his face, fearing that the Premier would declare war on yet another obscure nation.

"Screw it. Just ignore them. There's no need to waste our time with them."

"Yes sir."

I have some ICBM´s which i can use to bomb your country of you want

The Holy Republic of The Gripper cordially invites Pope Lardo II to a conference in the esteemed Existential Abyss, to discuss any plans which might result in disruption in the aforementioned region. On the other hand, The Existential Abyss is obviously thrilled about war, and might well look into the possibilities of joining Fattieville, if The Holy Empire of Vore agrees. Which we are sure it will.

The Holy Republic of The Gripper cordially invites Pope Lardo II to a conference in the esteemed Existential Abyss, to discuss any plans which might result in disruption in the aforementioned region. On the other hand, The Existential Abyss is obviously thrilled about war, and might well look into the possibilities of joining Fattieville, if The Holy Empire of Vore agrees. Which we are sure it will.

OOC- You people are either insane, or you do not know who you are dealing with. Shalrirorchia is the power that assembled the alliance that eventually defeated Hataria. Hataria is much scarier than Gripper or the Theocracy. ;)

Permission to send an assasination squad?

((This is the first "declare war on everyone" thread I've ever seen that actually has a direction. Nice. :) ))

Someplace in the middle of some random as of yet unnamed ocean
Task Group Omega
-4th Carrier Combat Squadron
-3rd Battleship Combat Squadron

Admiral Alfred T. Tetherson stood atop the upper level of the bridge of the CINS Marcalla, watching as the sea tossed and turned under the bright sun in the cloudless sky. Nothing could spoil his mood as Task Group Omega entered its second day of exercises.

That is, of course, until a young ensign approached with a grim look upon her face. She handed him a priority notice from Imperial Command, and stood waiting for response order. Reading it over quickly, his mood soured.

BRING GROUP TO PRIORITY ALERT.STOP.SMALL NATION IN AREA MAKING BELLIGERENT MOVES ON HOSTILE NATIONS.STOP.DO NOT TAKE ACTION AGAINST, PERMISSION GRANTED TO RESPOND AS APPROPRIATE IF ATTACKED.STOP.RESPOND WITH STATUS REPORTS EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR.END

He handed the paper back, and turned to his communications officer.

"Bring the group to condition one, execute combat air patrols around our perimeter and have the pickets fan out. We've new orders now."

Task Group Omega steamed off onto the horizon, many of the service men and women aboard thinking the condition change was merely part of the exercise.

But it wasn't. There was a slight chance that people would die that day.

((OOC: Navy data here. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=523628)))

The Holy Republic of The Gripper has a sub-motto which reads "If you don't ask, you don't get". The Gripper has little concern for his citizens and is perfectly happy to go to war and lose. However, bear in mind that a clause was inserted into the initial proposal to Fattieville. The Holy Empire of Vore MUST agree to war, and with this in mind, knee-jerk threats should really be kept to a minimum.

The Gripper

Official Communique - Foreign Ministry
Commonwealth of Australonesia

--------

This unwarranted, insanely conceived act of hostility towards the rest of the entire world has convinced the Commonwealth of Australonesia that Pope Lardo III is a man unfit to rule Fattieville. It has come to our attention that the liberation of Fattieville is absolutely necessary, to save its people from a terrible fate at the hands of their ruler. To this end, the Commonwealth of Australonesia will be deploying a task force of elements from the Royal Defense Force.

The following is a list of Land Force units to initially be serving in Operation Fatty Freedom:

- I Parachute Regiment
- V Parachute Regiment
- VII Parachute Regiment
- Airborne Ranger Regiment
- Special Operations Aviation Wing

The following is a list of Maritime Force units to initially be serving in Operation Fatty Freedom:

- Naval Commando Team Three (AUSNACT THREE)
- Hephaestus Carrier Battle Group

Carbandian news today report

It has been reported that the president laughed so hard as to need hospitalazation. According to a ministry of information official who wanted to remain anonymous, it had something to do with some foolish minor nation, and declaring war on the whole world.

Defense minister Alekseyev had the following statement to said nation:

Idiots.

Official Communication of the Holy Empire of Tolvarus

The Most Holy Emperor is outraged at both this declaration of war, and by this "Lardo's" claim to the Papacy. Since we see that Lardo's actions are the cause of both of these problems, we do not desire the destruction of the country of Fattieville itself, but we demand the resignation of Lardo III and strongly recommend that the people of Fattieville hand him over to us so that he may be brought before Ecclesiastic Court. Of course, all cardinals of all countries would be welcome to attend the trial of this Anti-pope if it does occur as we hope.

Archbishop Karl Paccel, Minister of Foreign Affairs

OOC: Generally claiming the pope is in your country is a bad idea considering the amount of Catholic countries, none of which will recognize your claim to the papacy. Two options that I would recommend instead are: 1) Your state religion is not Roman Catholic but {insertnationnamehere} National Catholic, which means you would be officially unrelated to the Roman Catholic Church. 2) If you prefer to still be part of the Roman Catholic Church for the benefits and disadvantages it brings, make your head churchman a cardinal or archbishop, most RL countries are broken into provinces that each have a presiding Primate (slightly out of date term), but some countries only have 1 province, and if you make that the case (such as in my country) the Primate will have pretty much all the authority the Pope would have, and since there is no "official" pope to over-rule you, you can do whatever you want without causing hostility by being an anti-pope.

Official Communication of the Holy Empire of Tolvarus

The Most Holy Emperor is outraged at both this declaration of war, and by this "Lardo's" claim to the Papacy. Since we see that Lardo's actions are the cause of both of these problems, we do not desire the destruction of the country of Fattieville itself, but we demand the resignation of Lardo III and strongly recommend that the people of Fattieville hand him over to us so that he may be brought before Ecclesiastic Court. Of course, all cardinals of all countries would be welcome to attend the trial of this Anti-pope if it does occur as we hope.

Archbishop Karl Paccel, Minister of Foreign Affairs

OOC: Generally claiming the pope is in your country is a bad idea considering the amount of Catholic countries, none of which will recognize your claim to the papacy. Two options that I would recommend instead are: 1) Your state religion is not Roman Catholic but {insertnationnamehere} National Catholic, which means you would be officially unrelated to the Roman Catholic Church. 2) If you prefer to still be part of the Roman Catholic Church for the benefits and disadvantages it brings, make your head churchman a cardinal or archbishop, most RL countries are broken into provinces that each have a presiding Primate (slightly out of date term), but some countries only have 1 province, and if you make that the case (such as in my country) the Primate will have pretty much all the authority the Pope would have, and since there is no "official" pope to over-rule you, you can do whatever you want without causing hostility by being an anti-pope.

OOC: Not true, actually. There are many popes on NS, one of the more notable ones being Doomingsland's. On NS there are really several sub-sects of Catholocism which follow different popes. I believe there's a list of a few popes on the NSWiki article for Catholocism.

The Hephaestus
Hephaestus Carrier Group

"Sir, Sir!" shouted the young communications officer.

"What is it, Lieutenant?" queried Commodore Arthur Perry.

"We have a message from Joint Command. It's a combat order!"

"Say what? A combat order?"

"Yessir, I know, sir,"

"Hand it here boy,"

"Aye, sir,"

Commodore Perry took the paper that the order had been printed on to, and read it keenly.

Joint Command,
Linton Camp,
Australonesia 21:03

Hephaestus Carrier Battle Group is to travel to the island nation: Fattieville. Upon reaching, stay just outside territorial waters. Co-ordinates provided below

Prepare to support airborne invasion. Prepare AUSNACT THREE for deployment.

RDFJC Out

The commodore looked up. "Lieutenant, bring these orders to the Captain. Tell him we're heading to these co-ordinates. Once you're done, radio the other groups on the ship and tell them to head for the same."

"Aye, Sir," the Lieutenant nodded and briskly walked off.

OOC: Not true, actually. There are many popes on NS, one of the more notable ones being Doomingsland's. On NS there are really several sub-sects of Catholocism which follow different popes. I believe there's a list of a few popes on the NSWiki article for Catholocism.

OOC: Perhaps I am just mistaken, but I believe these would also fall under the category of churches not technically connected to the Roman Catholic Church. Either way I wouldn't claim it myself, and the only way I'd consider it would be if I had a large enough army to back the claim up, and for now, sadly I do not.

IC:

Official Announcement from Tolvarus

The Holy Empire of Tolvarus is offering a bounty of $ 10,000,000 for the capture and transportation of Lardo III to Tolvarus. He must be brought alive or no money will be offered. Unfortunately, Tolvarus is involved in several other conflicts at the moment, and will be unable to assist in this conflict with Fattieville and its ruler. Seeing as multiple powerful and esteemed nations have already gone against Fattieville, we doubt that our help is required anyway. Good Luck, and Happy Hunting. If Lardo receives this message, we hereby inform him that if he repents of his actions, and gives a small fee as reparation, we will be merciful and remove the bounty; however, we can not speak for other sovereign nations.

Silens Nex Hidden HQ, Mount Tritium

[SIC]

A phone rings in the central command room. A horribly disfigured man known as Mortuss Visio answers.

"I have a job for you Mortuss, a leader needs capturing, I know you specialize in assasination but your monetary reward will be the same."

"How much are we talking about?"

"Five million USD."

"Sounds good High General, send me the information and I'll see what I can do."

OOC: Actually forget I said anything at all about the Pope thing. The only other Catholic countries I have run into don't recognize a specific pope, but after reading that article I realize that there are actually some fairly well recognized popes and admit that I was wrong.

OOC- You people are either insane, or you do not know who you are dealing with. Shalrirorchia is the power that assembled the alliance that eventually defeated Hataria. Hataria is much scarier than Gripper or the Theocracy. ;)

I don't know...Hataria isn't too scary..some new players are a lot scarier than Hataria...just god mods a lot and the like he's on my ignore list :p

Oh please. Not another FreeAngola...

OOC: If you're just gonna bash the poor guy leave, at least his RP has some good direction to it.


[Encrypted Ground Wire Messages to Pope Lardo III]


Silver Sky International Armaments
Weapons for the next generation of warfare and beyond."

Hello there, we at Silver Sky National Armaments have all the right weapons for your crusade against the unholy heathens. We even sell nuclear weapons! It's a lucky day for you in another way too, we can provide you with a 10% discount on anything purchased from our storefront.

Signed,
Steven H. Miller
Steven H. Miller
Chief Executive Officer, Silver Sky National Armaments

Fattys! I support your war... against me and everybody else! You FTW!

I pledge my 1st army of twelve and a half men to your aid!

Anybody declears war on me... I surrendur.

The recent events has draw the Federal Anti Terrorism Agency (FATA) to the conclusion that this is a flagrant military coup. Wesmerica will have to intervene with military force in overthrowing Lardo III if civilian society is disrupted. However we can only watch if Lardo III incites any trouble.

COMMUNIST PARTY OF NORTH CALAVERAS

We bleife this is a radical group, like alqueda, and hezballah, it should be crushed before it threatens the people of the world.

The Holy Republic of The Gripper is generally of the opinion that Fattieville's actions do not constitute a terrorist threat, merely an emboldening move towards correcting the World's injustices. One the other hand, a minority of the population regards it as a daft attention-grabbing move, designed to cause more international fuss with the aftermath than the initial move. But a small force has been dispatched to deal with these official-party-line-ignorers, so that side of the argument can be effectively dismissed in about fifteen minutes. The Gripper's citizens WILL fall in love with this war if told to do so.

OOC: This is, in addition to IC reasons, an OOC attempt to try and make this thread something other than yet another thread where a new nation gets stomped by a bunch of older nations, for whatever reason.









[Open transmission to national leaders involved in the Fattieville region]

It appears we have a bit of an incident on our hands here. Needless to say, it seems we are all now at war with this nation, and their threat of mobilizing their forces is slightly disconcerting to any small destabilized or pacifistic nations in the area. I believe it is in our best interests to nip it in the bud. Of course, from what small amount of research I asked several analysts to put into the matter, I can see that this decision is not only unpopular with Fattieville's civilian populace, but also that the nation is not only entirely on an island that they share with no other nations, but has a relatively small military to boot. As such, it seems any military action will be relatively unopposed. However, as I am sure we are all aware, land invasions of countries tend to be violent affairs, and will most likely cause unnecessary loss of civilian life as well as soldiers on both sides. This is something to be avoided at all costs.

My proposal is that several nations with prominent militaries send small naval and air forces to blockade the nation. All ships entering or leaving the nation will be stopped and searched. Any military forces will be detained until the end of the conflict. Any forces that resist will be fired upon until their destruction or surrender. By prohibiting any military action by Fattieville's military, we can essentially nullify this entire war without undue casualties. If the war is going nowhere but no one has the desire to actually invade the nation, we can bring Pope Lardo to talks about the end of the war, especially if his people become restless.

We are willing to volunteer a Harakian taskforce to spearhead the blockade force if other nations agree to the idea.


Foreign Minister Peter Firth

(OPEN FOR DISCUSSION)

The Holy Empire of Fattieville has recently come under new leadership.

As a theocracy, the Empire is governed now by Pope Lardo III, who has begun mobilizing its forces.

He declared on thursday that the entire world will crumble underneath the might of Fattieville, and that the heathens will be converted or die.

Public approval is at an all-time low amongst most domestic citizens, but military troops are somewhat enthusiastic due to the brainwashing system employed by the recruitment agency.

Some passerbys on the street were asked about their opinions:

"We're fucked," says designer Libby Tazer.

"We're a small island nation with barely any military. The man is insane," says accountant Pipe Frosh.

"God clearly mandated Lardo's ascension, and this is his will. I hope it works out," says Priest Leo Shamas.

Lardo III has yet to announce his plans for the initiation of this crusade. The people wait in fear and anticipation.




33 very old Xeraphian veterans fart in your general direction...............

SHAZBOTDOM NEWS NETWORK
In a startling revelation today, a small pathetic nation calling itself Fattieville has declared war on the world. After going through UN Records for budgeting for this small nation, we here at SNN have decided that they are not really a threat. In a brief press conference about the FreeAngola situation, a member of the press asked the Supreme Emperor about the Fattieville situation and he has gone on record as saying quote, "If these miserable pieces of filth who rule that nation think that they can take out the Shazbotdom Empire, they are sorely mistaken."

With the growing number of these types of nations, the Supreme Emperor ordered the DEFCON Rating to hold steady as he does not feel of them as a threat. He went on to as saying, "If the pathetic leadership of Fattieville keeps pushing me, i'll just launched every nuclear weapon that we own and turn his little scrap pile into plate glass."

In other news....

"I have to admit, this is actually pretty amusing." Praetor Chernomydin said as he reviewed their, ahem, declaration. "Sounds like their people are pretty much boned...I wonder if there's anything we can do to help them."

"Well, we could just kill their leader" Anna Chernomyrdin said jokingly.
"Anna! That's a terrible idea! We could never..." He stopped laughing. "Actually, that's a pretty good idea. Maybe we should give it a shot. No pun intended."
"I really don't think that's a good idea, I was just..."
"Anna, your cousin is a member of the Organization, isn't he?"
"Well, technically I was built by my parents using a recombined version of their code. so he wouldn't be my cousin per se."
"But still, he is legally your...actually, nevermind, that is a bad idea. My predecessor got impeached for doing something like that. We'll just let them try it. Should be amusing, maybe VNN could make a sitcom about it."

"Okay..." Anna just stared for a moment, not exactly understanding what the hell just happened.

From: President Jonathan Hasley
to: Lardo the second

Please stand down, you are a small island nation. we are a full scale nation with battlefleets stationed all over the world. you are denying freedom of religion. and that is not democratic. we dont like dictatorships like yours.

stand down and no one gets hurt
OOC- seriuosly, back down

Leocardia chooses to ignore this declaration of war, and tells their citizens to relax and get back to life as normal.

From: President Jonathan Hasley
to: Lardo the second

Please stand down, you are a small island nation. we are a full scale nation with battlefleets stationed all over the world. you are denying freedom of religion. and that is not democratic. we dont like dictatorships like yours.

stand down and no one gets hurt
OOC- seriuosly, back down

OOC: Do you want to get invaded?

(OPEN FOR DISCUSSION)

The Holy Empire of Fattieville has recently come under new leadership.

As a theocracy, the Empire is governed now by Pope Lardo III, who has begun mobilizing its forces.

He declared on thursday that the entire world will crumble underneath the might of Fattieville, and that the heathens will be converted or die.

Public approval is at an all-time low amongst most domestic citizens, but military troops are somewhat enthusiastic due to the brainwashing system employed by the recruitment agency.

Some passerbys on the street were asked about their opinions:

"We're fucked," says designer Libby Tazer.

"We're a small island nation with barely any military. The man is insane," says accountant Pipe Frosh.

"God clearly mandated Lardo's ascension, and this is his will. I hope it works out," says Priest Leo Shamas.

Lardo III has yet to announce his plans for the initiation of this crusade. The people wait in fear and anticipation.



The Dictator of Greal is now moblising the army.


Troops moblised so far: 1,400,000 troops

When the Dictator of Greal was approached by reporters asking if The Dictator had any comment on this.

"He is making a mistake declaring war against the whole world, our mightly air force will make short work of his country if he attacks someone."

The reporters asked the Dictator if he had any plans to have peace talks with Fattieville.


"I plan to have a meeting with the ammbassdor of Fattieville next week at the capital."

The Payian High Command Ignores your declaration of war, as you can not stand agianst every country in the world(NS). However if you do continue aggression towards any friendly country we will be forced to take actions agianst you and your people as we do not reckonise you as a state but as a infection that should be abolished.

Signed

Jeffery K. Jaer

Jeffery K. Jaer
Commander In Cheif

Reviewing the situation, the Praetor said "If they were to actually win their war against everyone, that would be, by a larger margin, the least likely thing that has ever happened." and then went to bed.

what should we do if he attacks somebody?

"Let me get this straight...they declared war on the entire world? "Yes, Emperor, that's the way it seems." "Wow...I've never heard of a whole nation commiting suicide..." "Well, they did just change their leader. What do we do?" "Ignore them. I doubt they will attack anyone, and if they do I know the nations surronding us will make that country into a very large flaming hole in the ground..."