Zwangzug
23-04-2007, 23:06
"Greetings, Zwangzug...er, excuse me, force of habit."
Any appreciative laughter from those that recognized the Composite Minister's opening as one similar to the infamous "Vox" baseball announcer's was not heard by the nervous speaker.
"I have a bit of an announcement to make, that really shouldn't be as big a deal as it is. If you're not interested, I won't at all be offended. If you are, well, it'll probably be in "Barry the zebra" tomorrow anyhow, so you can find out then?"
Silence. It wasn't going very well.
"I hope that you are, in general, satisfied with my performance so far. Whether or not you are, I hope that you can judge me solely on that, and not on any of my personal attributes. It shouldn't be difficult: I'm not even eligible to vote, so I can't be too corrupted by the political process."
Humor was not working. Time to cut to the chase.
"Yesterday, I took part in a crucial event in my life. I affirmed my baptism and expressed my desire to be a member of the Christian church.
I am aware that many of my fellow Christians have earned ridicule, whether from their literal interpretations of the Bible or acts they have committed unrelated to their religion. I am equally aware that many more have not.
One of the vows I took was to proclaim the Gospel in word and deed. I have no desire to convert any of you: rather, I wish to keep the ethical values I have learned from my religion close to my heart as I continue to guide this nation. I have chosen to make this announcement so that you may be aware of this, and evaluate me accordingly.
Thank you."
The whimsical streak returned.
"And may God bless Zwangzug."
...and in other news, the Zwangzug Mental Asylum Party climbed up the most recent opinion polls relative to the National Socialist Grammarians...
Any appreciative laughter from those that recognized the Composite Minister's opening as one similar to the infamous "Vox" baseball announcer's was not heard by the nervous speaker.
"I have a bit of an announcement to make, that really shouldn't be as big a deal as it is. If you're not interested, I won't at all be offended. If you are, well, it'll probably be in "Barry the zebra" tomorrow anyhow, so you can find out then?"
Silence. It wasn't going very well.
"I hope that you are, in general, satisfied with my performance so far. Whether or not you are, I hope that you can judge me solely on that, and not on any of my personal attributes. It shouldn't be difficult: I'm not even eligible to vote, so I can't be too corrupted by the political process."
Humor was not working. Time to cut to the chase.
"Yesterday, I took part in a crucial event in my life. I affirmed my baptism and expressed my desire to be a member of the Christian church.
I am aware that many of my fellow Christians have earned ridicule, whether from their literal interpretations of the Bible or acts they have committed unrelated to their religion. I am equally aware that many more have not.
One of the vows I took was to proclaim the Gospel in word and deed. I have no desire to convert any of you: rather, I wish to keep the ethical values I have learned from my religion close to my heart as I continue to guide this nation. I have chosen to make this announcement so that you may be aware of this, and evaluate me accordingly.
Thank you."
The whimsical streak returned.
"And may God bless Zwangzug."
...and in other news, the Zwangzug Mental Asylum Party climbed up the most recent opinion polls relative to the National Socialist Grammarians...