NationStates Jolt Archive

The young Kawaiian shrine maiden figited slightly as she sat in her seat at the NSUN General Assembly hall, waiting for her appointed time to speak. It was absurd, really, she thought, to expect a 14 year-old girl to give a Nuncio's speech. She remembered her Grandma's words: It's as much messenger as it is the message, dear. Which no doubt explained her insistance that the new, young Nuncia a wear formal Kawaiian mourning dress (that oddly enough resembled a Western-style wedding dress, all white and with a veil.)

You're the best qualified, her Grandma had said. And your Uncle sent word it was to be this way. Surely the Prophet knows what he's doing.

She nodded quietly to herself, calming. The appointed time had come. She strode up to the podium, her speech clenched in her fist, and stood out in front of the assembled representatives from thousands of lands. She looked around, and began.

"In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii, may the Cute One be praised.

"Delegates, Representatives, citizens of the world. I come before you to bring a message and a plea from the people of the Eternal Kawaii."

(I, not we. Probably for the first time in NSUN history, a Kawaiian delegate was speaking as an individual, not as the mouthpiece of the Cute One.)

"Some of you may have heard of the calamity that has overtaken our nation. Words are not enough to describe it, so I beg you give attention to the monitor above."

The young Nuncia gestured, and the theater screen behind her lit up. For the next few minutes, what appeared to be a better-than-average giant monster movie was projected on it, complete with huge, lumpy and mis-shaped creatures tearing apart buildings and people running screaming in the streets. The carnage and destruction went on for a while, until the Nuncia waved her hand again to stop the show.

"What you have seen was no dramatization. This film, taken in haste and smuggled from the country, shows the attack of Gojira Ku'tulu, Lord of the Hosts of Kaiju, upon our nation (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=513898). I hasten to add that no nation, here or outside the NSUN, was responsible for it--we, the people of the Eternal Kawaii, brought this disaster upon ourselves. The hubris of our otaku, our government, brought the wrath of the Cute One upon our people and delivered our land into the hands of Lord Gojira for our just punishment.

"Today no city in our nation stands. Indeed, any sign of permanent human habitation has drawn the destructive attention of the kaiju. Our people are homeless, pursued by the rampaging creatures, living in tents and whatever shelter can be found. Our stockpiles of food are running low, and we fear for our people's survival.

"Though in this dark hour, a ray of hope has shown. From among us a Prophet has arisen, one who speaks directly with the Sanrio kittens, our inspiration and guide. He has sent me to present our people's plea before this august body:

"It is clear the Kawaiian nation can no longer live within the boundries of the Kawaiian state. We are an exile people now. Therefore, we ask of you, any nation that is willing, to offer our people refuge. We ask for no charity, and make no claims upon another nation's land. All that we ask is that we be allowed to live among you in peace, free to practice our religion and maintain our law among our people, our-nation-within-your-nation, until the day the Cute One forgives us and lifts the curse of Lord Gojira, and our people return once more to their native land.

"Are there any here who will open their arms to us?"

[OOC, Mods: Although this sound more like an "International Incidents" thread, we're making the appeal through the UN, so I figured it belongs here. Future Eternal Kawaii/foreign nation contact threads will be over in II.]

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We are commanded by High Prince Llywelyn Mawr, Lord of the Throne of Gobbannium, Keeper of the Golden Tree and Master of the Grey Sow, to declare the following in this noble assembly of nations.

"To the peoples of the Eternal Kawaii we send greetings.

"Your plight, so eloquently expressed, has stirred our heart and the hearts of our nation to compassion for a people dispossessed. We cannot but open our arms to you and invite such as would make their home with us to come within the borders of the Principalities. You are welcome to stay with us for as long as your need remains.

"We ask only that you obey our laws, for the writ of the Princes must run wherever Gobbannium is. We do not seek to change your customs, though we hope the meeting of our peoples will enrich both our cultures.

"Whether or not you choose to accept our invitation, you are in our thoughts and prayers, and it is our earnest desire for this disaster which has been visited upon your lands to be ended that you may return to your own place."

Ambassador Roberts often found plenty of time amongst her not entirely taxing duties to ponder the question of why on earth she was here. After all it had been more than a few years since the kingdom had left the UN (although no one was exactly sure why they left, it probably had something to do with a period of isolation, a drunkard Ambassador and the late return of some forms of a vital bureaucratic nature), but obviously someone in the foreign ministry thought it worthwhile to keep an eye on what was happening and it did seem that this someone did actually find time to read her reports.

But this morning was a little different, for once a report got more than brief reply acknowledging receipt a few brief request for more info, in fact this was a somewhat astonishing reply, it seems the powers that be were feeling generous and were willing to offer the Kawaiians more or less what they were looking for and that she, Ambassador Dame Allison Roberts OFK was to get herself in contact with this Kawaiian Nuncio PDQ and present her with the following message:

My Dear Nuncio,
It is with regret that I hear of the terrible plight that befallen your people and your nation and I do offer my most sincere condolences for those you have lost. I realise that following events such of this the mere expression of sympathy and regret can become somewhat meaningless and it is with this in mind that I make the following offer. After consultation with the King and both houses of parliament I would hereby like to offer you a sanctuary/enclave as you have appealed for within the borders of the Kingdom of Crookfur. As much as I wish I could make this offer without any sort of conditions attached I am unable to do so and so I must set out what we would require from you:
1: That your religious leaders enter into talks with members of the inquisition and Orders Militant so as we can be assured that your religious practises do not involve the worship of what could be described as “Dark Elements”, I must admit my knowledge of this area is limited so I will have leave it my colleagues to explain exactly what they mean by that, but I would imagine they would be mostly interested how you managed to get your nation destroyed by daemon spawn .
2: That while your “enclave” with Crookfur would essentially up to you to administer and subject to your laws we would require a free movement arrangement whereby both your citizens and ours would be able to travel freely across any enclave “borders”. We do of course understand that this might prove unworkable in which case we would be willing to enter into discussion pertaining to restrictions. On a related note your religious community would be free to preach to recruit converts amongst the greater Crookfur population although we would likely expect similar freedoms to be accorded to members of different religious groupings within your enclave.
3: Finally, and this is about the only totally none negotiable part of our offer, you will have to willing to accept the oversight of the Inquisition, fealty to the King or the Nation is optional but inquisitorial oversight is not.
Other details such as taxation, economics, defence and international relations would all likely be completely devolved or surrendered depending on what you require but I am sure we can come to some sort of arrangement regarding them if you could accept the above issues.
I can fully understand that the above requirements might lead to our offer being unacceptable to your people in which case I can only offer my apologies and instead offer relief aid and refugee status to any who would require it.
Warmest regards and with Sympathy On behalf of the People and Kingdom of Crookfur
Harris Geronson
Prime Minister, The Kingdom of Crookfur.

From: The Lord Fenris Administration
To: Kawaii's Representatives

Lifesblood, its people and it's government have been moved to pity by the plight of your diminished population. A combination of charitable donations from the citizenry and generous contributions by the ruling authority have managed to provide, to a certain extent, the basic needs of some of your people.

The Jingesh-Kawaii Plan

D$ 443, 000, 000
Used to create 10, 000 houses on the outskirts of the city of Jignesh for Kawaiian people.
Each building contains:
Kitchen
Bathroom
3 x Bedrooms
Basic appliances provided
Electricity, etc. payed for in full for first year.
We leave it to the discretion of Kawaii how many people stay in each building.

D$ 125, 000, 000
Provides basic food for one million people for one month.

Points:

We will grant your people the same rights as a citizen, although they still retain their Kawaiite citizen status.

It is encouraged that you gain employment, or otherwise benefit the economy, as the State cannot and will not permanantly support you.

You are subject to the laws of Lifesblood, although if your religious beliefs conflict with certain statutes they may be amended when dealing with Kawaiites, or you may be held exempt.

We would appreciate a clarification of your religious beliefs.

If you accept this plan, construction will begin immediately and housing should be provided within a short period of time.


-Transmission End-

The young Nuncia sat at her desk in the renovated Kawaiian NSUN nunciate, a now much scaled down operation since the removal of the hordes of otaku that had been running her nation's affairs. Most of the space was now devoted to processing the seemingly never-ending stream of pilgrims who were flocking to see the Shrine of the Manifestation in the UN Stranger's Bar. Apparently shrine-visitation was such a strongly ingrained habit among her people that even in their dire straits brave souls insisted on starting their exodus by paying respect to the last Kawaiian shrine. That her uncle the Prophet apparently had given his blessing on the concept didn't help matters. Ordinarily she wouldn't mind, but it was a bit much to juggle along with her job of interviewing prospective foreign ambassadors to see how tolerant their nations would be of a large foreign presence. She picked up a few missives, scanned them, composed herself and began writing.

Your Excellency Prince Rhodri,

We are gratified to hear your most generous offer to receive a... she almost put down "shipment", but realized how tasteless that sounded. ...delegation of our refugees. We recognize your nation's willingness to offer hospitality. However, we fear your insistence on our people obeying the "writ of the princes" may be a problem. Our Prophet has spoken plainly that only the laws of the Eternal Kawaii are binding between Kawaiians, and we are expressly forbidden from following foreign laws that contradict them. We recognize the right of your nation to enforce its writ upon its own people, but if no allowance can be made for the alien among you, it may prove impossible for us to take up your offer...

She shook her head; from the reports she had read on Gobbannium she was pretty sure that their laws would be in sharp conflict with the Word of the Cute One and Its Prophet. Still, beggars can't be choosers. She picked up another missive and continued.

Your Excellency Minister Geronson,

We are grateful for the word from your King and Parliament. In answer to the three questions passed to us by your esteemed ambassador Dame Roberts, I can offer the following:
1. Our Prophet will gladly entertain any questions you may have about our faith, should you wish to send a delegation to hear his words.
2. We of course will respect your desire for open borders between a Kawaiian enclave in Crookfur and the nation proper. Your offer for freedom of proselitization is also gratefully acknowledged.
3. We are uncertain by what you mean by "inquisitorial oversight". Among our people there is no word higher than that of the Cute One spoken through Its Prophet. Perhaps the delegation from your Orders Militant and your Inquisition suggested in question 1 can explain...

This one seemed to show promise, she thought, unless they think Sanrio kittens are "dark powers". Oh well, on to the next missive. She blinked at this one. A housing plan? Well, it's a start.

Your Excellencies, Lord Fenris Administration,

We appreciate your offer of housing assistance for our people. Rest assured, we do not wish to burden your nation with its expense. You will find our people are a hard-working and industrious folk; and hopefully you will consider our main national industry of Gambling to be a welcome addition to your nation's economy. Re your questions regarding our peoples' religious practice: Enclosed is a copy of the Book of the Cute One, the words of The Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp) handed down from the Sanrio kittens to our Prophet. You will find that it has all the answers to your questions.

Metzuda, Capital of Havenic Kahanistan

Foreign Minister's Office

Foreign Minister Rachel Levitt read a report handed to her by an aide. "Wrath of the Cute One?" she asked, looking at the DVD cover. "Is this some kind of joke?" People had talked about the eternal chip on her shoulder, her youthful appearance (she was nearly 40 years old), and her apparent endless energy.

"Minister, I assure you this is no joke," said the aide. "This contains detailed reports of the carnage taking place in the Eternal Kawaii. The DVD contains images from our satellites over their nation, buildings are being destroyed, and the file contains satellite photographs of the carnage on the ground." Most Kahanistanians did not believe in such monsters; it had taken direct scientific observation by a reputable scientist of Transylvanian specimens to determine that werewolves existed in that part of the world and still many refused to believe that.

Levitt put the DVD in her office's DVD player. It displayed satellite images of the destruction in progress, footage of suffering and dying Kawaiians, and even a close-up photograph of Gojira Ku'tulu himself.

"Well, the suffering is undeniable," she said after half an hour. "The problem is, what can we afford to do?" Kahanistan's economy was still recovering, slowly, from a war with Doomingsland that had driven 600 million people from their home in the Negev Desert to Haven. Probably the only good thing about the war was that the people now had more living space; the Havenic Republic was some 90 times larger than their former lands in the Negev.

"Well, we still need homes to build," said the aide. "I don't think our people want to live in those makeshift military housing shacks the Whyaticans are sending us for the rest of their lives. We would get cheap labor out of it... not slaves, of course. We'd pay them to build infrastructure on the cheap..."

Levitt was not the communist that a lot of her nation's politicians were, but there were lines she wouldn't cross, and this was blatant exploitation of the poor. "That's a disgusting way to think!" she snapped. "Now, I agree we shouldn't just take people in to leech off us, but we'd have to pay them at least as much as what we're paying our own people."

Not only was this more egalitarian, but it would also forestall claims that "dem immigrants is takin' our JOBS!" The Minister continued. "These people will work hard, after all, they need houses too. We are in the same boat. I will write to them and say we are willing to take in some, and try to investigate the cause of the destruction."

---

Official Announcement from the Free Havenic Republic of Kahanistan
Ministry of Foreign Affairs

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kahanistan.jpg

Let me first state that the Government of Kahanistan extends its deepest condolences to the Government of Kawaii. Let me also state that the Government of Kahanistan is willing to provide up to two million work visas for displaced citizens to come to Kahanistan.

A work visa allows the holder to bring their spouse, children, and parents to Kahanistan while the holder works; we anticipate bringing upwards of ten million Kawaiians into our nation, although this number may be higher or lower depending on average family sizes.

I must emphasize that our nation is suffering from economic problems of its own due to a recent military defeat; immigrants will be expected to work to rebuild this nation. They will, however, be paid the same minimum wage as Kahanistanian citizens; four shekels an hour.

With permission, the Government of Kahanistan would like to investigate the causes of the devastation that has wrecked your nation.

Signed,
Rachel C. Levitt,
Minister of Foreign Affairs

"Video begins."

Two young, black-furred wolves sporting suits appeared on the screen. They seemed to be identical, and also seemed to be quite aware of that fact.

"Greetings! I'm Radulf..."

"...and I'm Faolán..."

"...of the Great Commonwealth of the Wolf Guardians."

"We're the Guardian ambassadors to Karmicaria, and Deltas of the Office of Foreign Affairs."

"We have been assigned to handle your situation as it pertains to the Great Commonwealth."

"As per our foreign policy of accepting virtually all persons, we are prepared to accept any and all who desire to become Citizens."

"The only requirement is that they must, obviously, be prepared be bound by our, uh, rather libertarian laws and such, which are simple and reasonable, and largely common sense, and ought not to interfere with your people's laws. As for your religion, we are largely agnostic, but there are no restrictions to the practice of religion beyond not sacrificing things and other rather 'duh' things like that."

"They wouldn't really need to bring anything, other than themselves and whatever skills they possess. Given our social-economic systems, they'd each be given a year's worth of credits, based on our average salary and cost of living and so on, and, if you so desire, we see no problem with allowing your people to live in a community among themselves, governed as they see fit within the law. If they want, of course."

"Furthermore, our military and technology make for an excellent defensive shindig, and we're terribly good at cleaning up messes of most kinds, too. If you want, we can look into securing and attempting to recover your own land."

"Uh... Long story short, yes. If any of your citizens wish to move, for any length of time, to the Great Commonwealth, they may. They need only not kill or harm other Citizens. So, from the Great Commonwealth, I'm Radulf..."

"...and I'm Faolán. We look forward to hearing from you, whether you take it or leave it."

"Even if you decide not to accept our primary offer, we're quite willing to assist financially or logistically in your resettlement process."

"If you have any other questions or concerns, just give us a ring or something."

With oddly mischievous grins, the wolves saluted.

"Video ends."

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Office of the Prime Minister
1 RMB, Ael Khalas 001007

On behalf of the government and people of Altanar, we wish to express our concern on the unfortunate events that have befallen your people.

You may not be aware of this, but through our World Haven Program, the UCMA has, for many years, offered its assistance to people needing to emigrate for reasons beyond their control, such as disaster or oppression. We would be most pleased to offer such assistance to the people of the Eternal Kawaii.

We have set aside 1.5 million special WHP visas for those among your people who might be willing to emigrate to Altanar. Under the WHP, we can provide assistance with housing, education, and employment for up to one year, as well as assistance with obtaining Altanari citizenship if so desired. New arrivals would be expected to follow all Altanari laws for the duration of their stay, but those laws should not conflict with your culture or values; such concerns are, of course, negotiable.

If this is acceptable to you, please inform us so that we can begin making the arrangements. In either case, please accept our profoundest hope for the speedy recovery and success of your people.

- Jaris Krytellin
UCMA Prime Minister

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The Great Star Empire of Allech-Atreus

On behalf of His Most Excellent Imperial Majesty Allech-Atreus XVI, Walanda XXIV, we extend our sorrow at the devastation wrought in your lands by such horrific monsters. The Emperor, in his divine grace and compassion, has heard your plea to the world and, with the might of Heaven at his back, has decreed that His Empire give what assistance it can.

Our Empire is a vast one, encompassing many planets and systems, and it is on these planets the, should you be willing, your people may find respite. The right of self-autonomy shall be granted to your peoples in all matters excepting taxation and warfare, and the rights of religion shall be ensured, that you may worship your chosen deity.

The power and majesty of the Empire is great, and it is our duty to shine the light of the Emperor and dispense his compassion to the rest of the barbarian worlds. Should you so desire our support, all that is necessary is your assent.

In the name of the Emperor, the divine one, the most holy personage,

Lord High Chancellor Ruhomash Zagszer
Defender of the Throne
Lord Keeper of the Privy Seal

Prince Rhodri looked at the nuncio's letter, pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed. "What exactly do we know about the Kawaiian system of laws?" he asked.

"Not a lot of detail," Cerys Coch admitted. She pushed her striking red hair back out of her way in annoyance. "The broad outline is that for all the innocent cute stuff, they are incredibly repressive. Thou shalt do what the Goddess says, or what her prophet says she says anyway, Or Else. They take enforcement very seriously, it seems, and you don't want to hear the rumours about their police force."

"Oh?"

"No really, you don't."

"Well, that would seem to put the seal on it," Rhodri said tiredly. "The word from the Throne of Isca is that they must obey our law, whatever else they obey, and it seems from what you say and the nuncio writes that there's precious little chance they'd stand for our Freedom of Worship laws at the very least."

"The best thing to do would be to drop the whole matter," Cerys said, applying her usual hopelessly impolitic practicality.

"Not a chance, we fear. Llyw's taken a personal interest this, so the media started relaying the film of the devastation. Now the entire population seems to be protesting about the poor innocent Kawaiians having to fend for themselves. We don't think telling them the the poor things are actually hard-line authoritarians with no intention of obeying our freedom laws will go down well. The Senedd would be howling for new elections within minutes. We don't suppose there's anything we can do about the monsters?"

"Don't even think about going Gojira-hunting," Cerys told him promptly. Rhodri had to admit that even his favorite hunting rocket-launcher wouldn't make much of a dent in that creature. Some of the lesser monsters, on the other hand, were awfully tempting targets for a skilled hunter...

Cerys slapped him around the head. "I told you not to think about it," she said. "Besides, we've still got no idea how they showed up and why they don't seem to be interested in going anywhere else. All that the Kawaiians will say is that it's the will of the Goddess and they brought it on themselves."

"Marvellous. Now we're dealing with monster-summoning hard-line authoritarians. Do you have any good news?"

"At least they don't have an embassy in Gobbannium City, so they can't appeal straight to the High Prince."

Rhodri snorted. "In what way is not being able to put this out of our hands a good thing? If they had an embassy..." He trailed off, struck by a sudden thought. "Cerys, you're beautiful."

"Don't make me hurt you, Your Highness."

He ignored her, galvanised into action. "If they had an embassy it would be extra-territorial, subject to their own law rather than Gobbannium's. And we know for a fact that there are no laws governing the size of embassies, it's entirely in our gift. There is nothing to say that we can't create a village-sized embassy, if we can find somewhere to do it!

"Tell the Steward to get his duly-elected cronies together for 11 tomorrow morning, we're going to need to pre-scrutinise this. And see if you can't find an Idiot's Guide to Kawaiian Law, we'll need something to show them it's not as straightforward as the public want to believe. Meanwhile we," he rubbed his hands, "need to have a long telephone conversation with our supremely royal cousin. After all, Llywelyn's going to have to find the land from somewhere."

Checking her appearance one final time in her office mirror Ambassador Roberts took the time to have a good critical look at herself and run through a mental checklist:
One light grey suit? Check. One pair of nicely shiny court shoes? Check. Expensive yet tasteful and discrete jewellery? Check. Flame red hair styled into an appropriate fashion? Check and finally one 40ish professional women not entirely comfortable with her age? Check.

At this her aide gently knocked the door and announced that the party from home were about to arrive. Sighing, Roberts gave her suit a final smooth down and stepped out to the embassy’s receiving platform. Taking her place at the head of her staff she gave them a quick once over and nodded with approval, it was always good to put on a decent show for any dignitaries arriving from home. As she took in each face she noted with a approval the correct diplomatic poker faces, even her own section head, Inquisitor Johnston, dour as he normally was had managed to suppress his usual scour of displeasure that was his accustomed visage.

Finally the vehicle carrying the official party arrived and it passengers disembarked to be greeted in turn by the Ambassador. First there was Secretary Sir Humphery Killimont. A bit of a legend amongst the Crookfur diplomatic service, Sir Humphrey had served in just about all the major Crookfur postings before becoming a fully fledged Cabinet Secretary and member of the Privy Council which made him very close to the King, his presence indicated the major political clout this matter had merited. Roberts found his tall and greying but immensely dignified appearance instantly familiar and it should have been after serving with the Secretary on several of his Ambassadorial postings.

“Sir Humphery, it is very good to see you again, allow me to extend welcomes on behalf of myself and the rest of the embassy staff and express how honoured we are to have your presence.”

“Why thank you Ambassador, it is indeed a singular pleasure to see you again. Pray tell me, how is your husband... David wasn’t it? I don’t see him here?”

“David is well Sir Humphery, he is currently off doing some resource exploration work in the Protectorate. Apparently his company thinks they may have found some quite valuable reserves.”

“These reserves must most valuable indeed if they can entice a man to spend such time away from a woman such as yourself.” The Secretary paused and seemed to shake himself, the game of charming a delightful woman such as the Ambassador was a particular favourite of his but he remembered their last posting together, yes this was one woman who was perfectly willing to play the game but only up to a point and on her own rules, which only made things more interesting but alas there was business to attend to... “Ahem, yes now moving along allow me to introduce the other members of this “mission”: First this is Inquisitor Stewart...”

Roberts hadn’t been sure what to expect from the inquisitorial representative on this matter. Oh she had heard stories of those Inquisitors so suave that they could talk a woman (or man for that matter, as the inquisition was most defiantly an equal opportunities employer) into bed on one hand while blowing away enemy agents with the other but in here experience most of the inquisitors she had met tended to be quiet and introverted, some of them quite obviously ruthless individuals but many had the appearance of the usual bookish intel weenie, oh she had met a few section heads who were almost bubbly but this... this Adonis was something else. The obviously well built athletic fame wasn’t unusual, neither was the gace with which he moved but he had a certain something, maybe it was the exceptionally smartly tailored suit, the apparently easy smile, the well groomed beard and shot hair or was it something else? Oh yes most defiantly something else, then it clicked, it has his eyes. Most inquisitors tended to have cold dead eyes that continually looked for threats and expressed the dark world most inquisitors found themselves inhabiting, but this one, his eyes seemed to blaze, almost as if he thrived on threats and challenges and found the whole thing, fun...

The inquisitor firmly shook her hand and passed on to great the other members of the reception party and Roberts had to mentally shake her head, she was a happily married woman and knew far too much of the of the workings of the Inquisition to ever even think of getting involved with one like that, but still it was good to dream... She was snapped out of her thoughts as the Secretary introduced his two other companions: Brother Captain Smith and Sir Adrian Schwartz, representatives of the Knights Templar and Knights Hospitalar respectively.

One didn’t need to be too bright to tell which was which, Bother Captain Smith had the deadly grace and stoic expression often encountered amongst special forces personnel and his muscled frame looked decidedly uncomfortable in a suit, particularly when said suit wasn’t worn with shoulder holsters. Ambassador Roberts had been more than little confused when the files for the mission party came through, she had expected the Templars to send one of their more “normal” knights, perhaps one of the high ranking army officers or such who made up the upper echelons of the Order, but to send one of the warrior monks, that certainly put some interesting slants on things, particularly when you brought those “things” that had apparently destroyed the Kawaiian state into the equation.

The issue of the Things certainly helped explain the presence of the final and perhaps in his own way highest ranking member of the party: Sir Adrian Schwartz, chief lecturer in animal anatomy and physiology at the University of Kirkhill and owners of far too many PHDs according to the file. Maybe they thought this small, almost wizened middle aged man could somehow categorize these “monsters” or maybe his research covered some hidden field, which on reflection was quite possible, with high ranking members of a militant order you never knew what the real truth was, in fact they even made sections of the Inquisition appear open and honest...

With these thoughts in mind Ambassador Roberts greeted the last members of the mission and after they had met the rest of the reception party ushered them into the embassy before heading to her office to make arrangements with the Kawaiians for any meetings.

The Lord Provost gazed out at the bright morning with a private jubilance, the operation had been declared unfeasible by a swathe of critics, yet the city had shouldered the burden and with the successes of the Secretariat [City Administration acting under the Lord Provost] they had managed to complete the construction in the desired time-frame. Funds had been drained, resources had been forced to pool but these were trivialities compared to the suffering enacted upon the citizens of Kawaii by prehistoric phenomena.

Looking out at the opulent city, framed by the joviality of light blue skies and the far off deeper azure of the ocean, he couldn't help but feel a small swell of pride. A thriving beacon of life, contrasted starkly by the barren beauty of what had optimistically been dubbed New Kawaii, a small cloud of anxiety passed across his benevolent countenance, but with his characteristic good humour he shrugged it off; This was Jingesh, it's affluence would not be diminished by these new inhabitants, rather it would be culturally enhanced. He hummed a merry tune as he left the balcony and returned to his luxurious bedchamber.



From: The Lord Fenris Administration
To: Kawaii's Representatives

We would like to inform the nation of Eternal Kawaii that the Jingesh-Kawaii project has been completed to our satisfaction.

We suggest travelling to Lifesblood as soon as you are ready to avoid unnecessary damage to your population.

We hereby grant Eternal Kawaiian's access to our airspace and waters until such a time as we see fit to revoke these amenities.

In relation to funding, donations of a financial nature to the State are appreciated, but are not required. All that is requested is that your people work hard to try and benefit Lifesblood's society as a whole.

-Transmission End-




OoC: If you have nautical or aviation travel capabilities then it should be a relatively easy process to reach Lifesblood. Travelling by land will be a much more difficult route.

Could I have any info. on Kawaiian religious practice which might conflict with law?

[The young NSUN Nuncia found herself answering more ambassadorial missives as the resettlement of Kawaiian refugees proceeded slowly.]

--------------------------------

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

Your Excellency, Rachel Levitt,
MFA, Free Havening Republic of Kahanistan

We gratefully accept your proposal to receive a community of our people, and assure you they will not be a burden on your economy. We have only one concern, however. Our Prophet has sent word that the Sanrio Kittens have apparently chosen to join our people in exile. Many of them will be travelling to Kahanistan, where we understand cats are considered food. Since the Sanrio kitten is a sacred being that must not be harmed, can we receive assurances that they will not suffer from mistaken identity among your people?

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

--------------------------------

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

Your Excellencies Radulf and Faolán,
OFA, Great Commonweath of the Wolf Guardians

We are heartened by your nation's offer to receive a community of our refugees. We are especially grateful for your assurance that our religion may be practiced freely and our laws respected among our people. We assure you that human sacrifice or other abominations are forbidden in our faith, and no such practices shall be tolerated.

Begging your forgiveness if the question is inappropriate, but we must ask what your peoples' attitudes are towards cats. We have already discovered to our dismay that the cat is considered edible by some peoples, and are naturally concerned for the safety of the Sanrio kittens that will be sharing our peoples' homes in exile. Can we be assured of their safety in your land?

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

--------------------------------

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

Your Excellency Jaris Krytellin,
PM, UCM Altanar

It is with regret that we must decline your offer to resettle Kawaiian refugees in your esteemed nation. After a survey of your nation's constitution and laws, we fear that many of our peoples' customs would come into conflict with them and would lead to their persecution if no assurance could be made that Kawaiian law is held supreme in matters internal to the Kawaiian people.

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

--------------------------------

[The Nuncia paused at the missive from Allech-Atreus. Resettling on other worlds? she thought. Better leave that one up to the Prophet.]

And see if you can't find an Idiot's Guide to Kawaiian Law, we'll need something to show them it's not as straightforward as the public want to believe.

From the Idiot's Guide to Kawaiian Law

Kawaiian society is incredibly insular, to the point of xenophobia. It's not that Kawaiians dislike foreigners--far from it, they welcome them as guests--but Kawaiian culture is so wedded to the concept of "church, family, self" that anyone who isn't a church member (and hopefully a blood relative) is viewed with almost paranoid suspicion. The result is a rather chilly formality towards foreigners.

The Law as it Applies to Kawaiians and Non-Kawaiians

As mentioned above, the Kawaiian sense of self-identity starts with their identification as members of the church, followed by their family relations, and only finally as individuals. This leads to several potential sources of conflict, for example:


It is forbidden for Kawaiians to marry non-Kawaiians, unless the outsider chooses to convert and the marriage is approved by the Kawaiian partner's family.
It is forbidden for non-Kawaiians to adopt Kawaiian children. Kawaiian custom actually frowns upon adoption in general. The attitude seems to be that if a child can't be raised by blood relatives, he or she is better off being raised in an orphanage. Kawaiians defend this custom by pointing out their religious obligation to venerate their ancestors, which can only be done by lineal descendents.
Kawaiian law does not recognize the concept of "juvenial delinquency." In keeping with the nation's family-centric culture, children have very few recognized civil rights, and correspondingly little legal responsibilities. This includes criminal liability--if a Kawaiian youth commits a crime against a non-Kawaiian, Kawaiian law forbids the youth from being handed over for prosecution. Instead, a responsible adult family member will be charged in the youth's place.


Odd Quirks of Kawaiian Culture


Kawaiians, though not overtly sexist, practice separation of the sexes in most areas. Co-habitation is absolutely forbidden, and the whole process of dating and marriage is heavily regulated by social custom. Non-Kawaiians are advised to be extremely modest while among Kawaiians--even casual displays of affection can be very embarassing.
Kawaiian marriages are almost always arranged affairs between families, and quite often children are "married" off to one another. It doesn't become a formal union until they reach their ages of majority, of course, but it's considered more binding than just a betrothal, and foreigners are expected to treat it as such.
Kawaiians have dietary restrictions, akin to kosher or hallal laws, known collectively as jihi. They're somewhat convoluted, but in a nutshell, a Kawaiian is not likely to be found at a foreign restaurant unless they're eating a strictly vegetarian meal.
Kawaiians sternly frown upon the use of any kind of drug, including tobacco. Alcohol use is permitted only in the context of relgious ritual. Public drunkenness is considered a flogging offense.
Kawaiians neither bury nor cremate their dead. Instead, they perform a ritual similar to the ancient Iranians', where the bodies of the dead are carried to the tops of tall towers outside of town and are exposed to scavanger birds, usually ravens or buzzards. After the body has been devoured, the bones are allowed to bleach before being collected and used to make tasteful (if somewhat macabre) decorations for the tower. As strange as it sounds, Kawaiians regard this as showing respect for the beauty of the environment.
Despite (or perhaps because of) the nation's rigorous commitment to public decorum and severe sexual modesty, the publishing industry in the Eternal Kawaii cranks out some of the most lurid and violent comic books, animated movies and video games in the world. This seeming inconsistency appears to be tolerated by the simple expedient of not being publicly acknowledged.

Reading the message from Kawaii, the young wolves looked at each other and giggled.

"Excellencies?!" Radulf laughed. "Their formality knows no bounds!"

"You know, until they set up their community, our society is so un-restricted that it's going to give them all heart attacks!" Faolán wiped a tear of laughter out of his eye.

They grinned at each other, composed themselves, and commanded in unison, "Record!"

"Video begins."

"We are pleased that you are willing to accept our help..."

"...and we assure you that the only creatures we eat are chickens..."

"...which were genetically engineered by our Creators to want to be eaten..."

"...as well as being given the ability to say so aloud in English..."

"...but cats and all other such animals are protected as semi-sentients."

"We'd also like to remind you that Guardian Transit is ready to move virtually all its vehicles to aid your resettlement, even with other countries."

"We look forward to all future endeavors with your people. From the Great Commonwealth..."

"...Deltas Radulf and Faolán, out!"

The wolves saluted.

"Video ends."

To: NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

Thank you for your response. We certainly understand your concerns about wanting to protect your unique culture and values. Perhaps there is another way we can help your people.

Altanar is a vast land, with many large areas that are currently free from settlement. We would be willing to allow the same number of refugees as our previous offer - 1.5 million - to settle on one of these tracts. This could be similar to the "nation-within-a-nation" that you mentioned in your original appeal. We would be willing to offer you a plot of land known as the Cienegar tract. This tract of land is large enough to comfortably accomodate the number of refugees we have offered settlement. It is currently owned by our government, so there is no one currently residing there who would need to be moved. It also has a decommissioned airbase within its boundaries, which would be useful for transport. We would be willing to allow you to maintain your own laws and governance there, without interference from us. Our only stipulation would be that no activities take place within this exclave which could harm or threaten our people in any way. It is our hope that this exchange would stimulate trade and understanding between our two peoples.

Please let us know if this offer is acceptable, or if there is anything else we can do to assist you.

Jaris Krytellin
UCMA Prime Minister

Official Announcement from the Free Havenic Republic of Kahanistan
Ministry of Foreign Affairs

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kahanistan.jpg

I had never heard this claim made about our people before. The only people here who eat cat or dog meat are some Asian immigrants, and most of them eat traditional Middle Eastern food like most of the population here.

Cats were recently declared our national animal as they are said to have nine lives. While we do not believe this literally, it was agreed to change the national animal from the packrat after the near-destruction of our nation in the Doomani invasion of the Middle East, the cause of our evacuation to Haven.

Of course, we would like images or descriptions of the Sanrio kitten so that they are not mistaken as ordinary housecats (though the worst that is likely to happen is that one would be raised as a house pet by a non-Kawaiian; I am unfamiliar with your religious law with regard to that issue.)

I must emphasize that we are a secular nation and do not enforce religious law. Your people and kittens are welcome here, and most of us will not harm them. Our law would treat your kittens as your property and you would be entitled to the protection of our government if they were harmed, however.

Signed,
Rachel C. Levitt,
Minister of Foreign Affairs

Official USSW Offer of Aid and Comfort to the People of the Eternal Kawaii
To Her Holiness, the Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii,
Although I cannot say I am terribly familiar with your people, I have done some basic research and see their plight most gravely. It wounds me to see such calamity befall the innocent, as deeply as for the memory of lost Cuiviénen to which return is impossible; and my nation, whether Man or Were or Elf believes it is time we welcomed more seeking succor from the storms of this mad world.
I must be forthright, there are aspects of our culture which might seem bizarre, and perhaps even ecchi to you such as our quite liberal sexual mores; and if you feel you must refuse I have no objection. If you accepted however, like my people, the Eldar, you would be given the right to live in your own communities and with your own laws provided that our secular law was respected outside the boundaries of your enclaves. You could even establish basic titles of nobility, such as Sir and Lady or Prince and Princess, so long as they only held standing within the enclave and did not constitute a political challenge to the ruling Revolutionary Party or any other established party of our land. Although the more-explicitly socialist parties clamored to me for direct taxation of the Otaku as further pursuit of my government's secular policy overall, this has been sidelined out of politeness; until an agreement can be reached with the Otaku upon what degree of fiscal obligation to the Wagdoggie State would be acceptable, if any.
In any case, our sea and air ports are open to your people for use in emigration to whatever other lands have opened their arms to you. And while in our waters or airspace, your refugees can be assured the mighty protection of our Red Banner Navy, Red Banner Coast Guard, and Red Army Air Forces to the same degree as if you were our own citizens. Note that our current enemies in the Greater Empire of Imperial New Nicksyllvania may presently consider our skies and waters a war zone, but any among them who would be so depraved as to attack you would find themselves facing our firepower first, and more still branded war criminals for even attempting such a dastardly assault on innocents!
Enough of war and tragedy, for this letter above all is to speak to you of the most precious gift, greater than the Silmaril or any possession mortal or divine: Hope. Your people are not alone or friendless against the Kaiju-ruled night; and if it would not be deemed blasphemous to suggest, my nation does have certain 'capabilities' which might just humble the monsters yet should you desire to reclaim your homeland at any time. But first, your people must be tended to, and I await your reply regarding how best my nation may do this.
Stay strong, young Nuncia; for your faith in and diligent service to your religion shall earn you the protection of mortals and gods alike without end. The Valar already watch over you, and even the atheists in my government offer their sympathies and efforts in your defense against this cataclysm assailing your people.

Yours in Hope,
Sir Rilir Alárion nós Carthir
Party Secretary, Wagdoggie Greenwood Coalition
Secretary of State, United Socialist States of Wagdog

Senator Sulla walks up to the young shrine maiden and smiles at her, trying to look as non threatening as a almost middle aged drunken degenerate and reprobate can, and reaches into his jacket. He pulls out an envelope and says,
"Ma'am, Her Imperial Hotness, Empress Jhessan has instructed me to give this to you, so you can forward our offer to those powers that be. Politely Sen Sulla nods and places a small donation in the offering box out of politeness.

The letter read...

Greetings and Excelsior to all Kitty Worshippers reading this,
Under direction of my Two leaders: His Imperial Dooziness, Emperor Captian Spauling I, and Her Imperial Hotness, Empress Jhessan Spaulding, I am instructed to offer some of your people sanctuary. Even given the fact that our two nations have been in conflict in the past, we have decided that after such destruction your nation faced, the only decent thing would be to offer some land for your dispersed citizens to settle on. Our brave naval defenders were overjoyed at the prospect of not having to swim halfway across the <censored><bleeping><Beep> world to swear at your citizens. In order to spare your people any more trauma, the land in question is located as far from the coast as can be managed. we hope that such an offer is acceptable.
Excelsior,
Lord Julius
Prime Minister
The Evil Conservative Empire of the Palentine

A simple e-mail was sent to the Nuncio of the Kawaiian with a video attachment. The basic message on e-mail showed a picture of an axe and a hammer crossing one another with the words Axe & Hammer Industries underlining the picture.

Once the video attachment was opened, a single man would be seen sitting before the camera. He was blonde, blue-eyed, and had a scar running on his neck horizontally from one corrotta artery to the next.

"Greetings to the delegate of the Kawaiian government. My name is Devon Parker, Lieutenant of the Axe & Hammer Industries Private Army-Airforce, and I am also their leading gun-for-hire. It has recently come to my superiors' attention that your nation is in quite an armageddon situation, and they wish to assist you in removing the monster that you call 'Gojira Ku'tulu' from your lands.

"Whilst this may sound like they're trying to sell my services to you, this is not the case. Call this offer a...charitable donation. Should you accept the offer, Axe & Hammer Industries Mercenary Fighter Squadrons will endeavor to remove Gojira Ku'tulu from your lands, all free of charge.

"Please reply with your answer via e-mail. I'll be looking forward to serving you as best I can."

With that, Devon nodded, and the video ended.

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

Your Excellency Sir Rilin Alarion nos Carthir,
Secretary of State, USSW

It is with gratitude that we accept your offer of refuge for some of our people. It is my pleasure to inform you that the Diaspora Church of the Eternal Kawaii recognizes no title of nobility, as our law has decreed and the Prophet affirmed, all are equal before the Cute One. We will, of course, recognize your government and such titles as it grants its own citizens. Regarding the issue of taxing otaku: The otaku are no more, and we shall not speak of them. Know only that it was their hubris that brought the wrath of the Cute One upon our people. The Prophet has decreed that in the spirit of reconciliation needed in these trying times, no hand shall be raised against those who formerly wore the otaku robe.

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

------------------------------------------------

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

Your Excellency Jaris Krytellin,
PM, UCMA

Upon further review of your nation's offer, we believe it will be acceptable to our Prophet. We would like to point to an suggestion made by the government of the NationState of Gobbannium, involving the use of a "village-sized embassy" to allow Kawaiian law and custom to be practiced without hinderence therein. Such a model, we feel, would be excellent for our nation's resettlement program.

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

------------------------------------------------

The young Nuncia looked slightly disturbed at the approach of the rather disheveled Senator from the Palentinate, but bowed politely while he made his presentation, accepting his offered envelope in both hands. She opened it and read it quietly, smiling at its end. Turning to her deputy, she said, "Send another missive to the Prophet. An additional refuge has been found. We'd best ask about air transport, though--I'm not sure the coasts of this new home will be safe."

------------------------------------------------

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

Lieutenant Devon Parker,
Axe & Hammer Industries

Sir, it is with regret that we must decline your offer of military support against the curse of Lord Gojira. The Prophet has declared that our people are not to resist the righteous judgment of the Cute One. Accordingly, our military forces have been disbanded, and a decree of strict pacifism has been put before our people. In any event, we urge that no unilateral action be taken towards Lord Gojira or his minions, lest the toll of human suffering grow further.

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

"First the Ashwendi (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=448), and now these other folks? The Empire is not a homeless shelter." Rehashan Allech-Atreus scoffed.

"It's goodwill, Rehe. You can't put a price on goodwill." Ruhomash Zagzser opined, taking a sip of his tea. "Beside, the Emperor has been wanting to increase our foreign involvement. This is the perfect opportunity."

"Yaah... The others are tired of hearing about the plight of these damn peoples, though. The Star Chamber didn't care about those damned goat-worshippers, and they won't care in the slightest about these cat-worshipping freaks."

Zagzser frowned. "The Chamber is looking over these requests? I assumed you would just take care of them."

Rehashan looked over his glasses as the Lord High Chancellor. Blinking, he smiled. "Nice try, Ruh. The will of the Emperor is inscrutable, as always."

The other man laughed. "Yes, yes. Anyway, we offered the Ashwendi Soge-Dal 6, on the outskirts of the Empire. Hanmegura had picked out the Lpau colony as a spot for the Kawaiians, we can either eliminate or move the colonists already there."

The Privy Councillor nodded, then dropped the paper on his desk. "Whatever. In the future, just put in the request forms for the ICPS to handle any colonies for refugees. Make sure the Kawaiians know they'll be expected to pay a small tax for the land, and that's all. Beyond that, they won't have to make pilgrimage to the Court or follow the laws."

Zagszer nodded in assent. "Good. Now, Rehe, how about that golf game?"

Ifan ap Rhys, Steward of the Throne of Segontium and representative of the Liberal Alliance party, looked up from the briefing note in front of him and wondered where it had all gone wrong.

He and the other Senedd members in charge of ambassadorial affairs were supposed to be protesting that the Prince couldn't possibly turn down the Kawaiians. They were positively cuddly, after all, and nobody back home would give a damn how repressive their society was. The important thing was that the Prince would look bad to the electorate for making Gobbannium look bad to the world, and the Senedd would inch that little bit closer to cutting the royals out of power once and for all. That was one of the reasons they had worked to get an idiot like Rhodri-not-Morwenog in post in the first place.

"An embassy?" he asked weakly. How had the Prince come up with that one? In one neat step it avoided the clashes of law and kept the refugees apart so that the citizens wouldn't get too upset when they figured out what the Kawaiians were really like. A royal layabout with his mind on the hunting estates shouldn't be coming up with proper political solutions like that.

"The Eternal Kawaii does not presently maintain an official delegation in Dinas Gobbannium," the Prince said, as ever never using one word when fifteen would do. "City officials have assured us that a suitable site exists, and will be sending a brief report on the options as soon as... ah, thank you, Cerys."

Cerys Coch had quietly entered the room and was distributing more paper even as the Prince spoke. It was her fault, Ifan thought glumly, it had to be. The Prince didn't have two braincells to rub together, but his permanant undersecretary kept him briefed. She had to have been the one to spot this way out. He glared at her half-heartedly, and was ignored for his troubles.

Prince Rhodri snorted in amusement. "Option 3 would seem to be the most poetic," he said, "on the valley side above the Via De. A pleasant enough view, if we recall correctly, and reasonably easy access to the palace. We'll confirm it and make out the writ today, unless you have any objections?"

And be seen to be against helping the cuddly Kawaiians? No thank you, Ifan thought. None the less, he had to try. "It's rather a long way from the palace," he tried, gamely.

"It's on the edge of the city, it's bound to be," Cerys said blandly. "Unless you're proposing demolishing a square mile of the inner city, of course."

"Of course," he said through an insincere smile. "Though it could still take a while to obtain planning permission for an actual village. The city planners will want to be very sure of something that size."

"They may want," the Prince said in patronisingly patient tones, "but they will not have the authority. Once we gift the embassy to the Kawaiians, it becomes extraterritorial. Not even Gobbannaen planning law applies, that's the whole point."

"Well, I must say I think it's brilliant," said Dewi ap Huw, under-steward for the Green party. Ifan scowled at him, which only made him grin more. "I'm sure we can persuade the Kawaiians to build in harmony with the surroundings; after all, it's practically illegal for them to do something that isn't pretty."

"Close enough," the Prince allowed. "Now, if there are no more questions, we would appreciate your votes on the proposal to offer option 3 as a refuge for members of the Eternal Kawaii."

Ap Huw's hand was first in the air, predictably. Gritting his teeth, Ifan followed suit, the other Alliance members taking their cue from him. Anything else would be short-term political suicide.

"To the peoples of the Eternal Kawaii, through the office of the Nunciate of the United Nations,

"We formally hear and accept the request of the Eternal Kawaii to make embassy to the court of Gobbannium, in accordance with the will of our High Prince. As is our right and duty, we present to you a plot of land on which may reside your emissaries and all those who attend upon them. In law and honour, that land shall be considered part of the Eternal Kawaii, nor shall ought of Gobbannium intrude upon it without your explicit permission.

"May our words shared kindle understanding.

"By our hand this day,

"Prince Rhodri Mawr, Lord of the Throne of Segontium."

There is a covering letter, which reads:
Dear nuncia,

Herewith enclosed is the formal proclamation of embassy. Please excuse the slightly strange language, but in this case we feel a need to be punctilious about legalities!

The attached map shows our proposed site for your "embassy" village, at the edge of the City of Gobbannium beside the South Road. Obviously we do not expect you to accept this sight unseen, but a preliminary inspection suggests that it will be appropriate for your needs. We will make arrangements for any you designate to visit the site, together with any other possibilities that seem appropriate, so that you can make an informed decision. While they are present, we would suggest meeting with the relevant city authorities who will be able to offer pertinent advice concerning locations, suppliers, building designs and potentially building contractors should you require them.

Please do not hesitate to ask if there is anything we can do to simplify or ease the arrangments for building this new home for members of your nation.

Yours,

Prince Rhodri.

The young NSUN Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii sighed. Not for the first time, she reflected that life was easier under the otaku. Granted, they had been bleeding the nation white, but at least they were willing to work out every detail, no matter how pointless-seeming and trivial. Autonomy was not a Kawaiian strong point, which no doubt explained how her Uncle's revelation that he could speak with Sanrio kittens and understand their "speech" was so quickly accepted by her people as a divine mandate of Prophethood. A leader was needed, and who better than one who was in direct communication with the ineffibly wise kittens?

A leader was fine, though, but as the young Nuncia quickly found, nations are run by bureaucracies, not leaders. Without the otaku to organize things, the Kawaiian nation had quickly degenerated into its primal, clan-based structure, with rival tribes looking after their own kin. Civil war seemed inevitable as the people's resources, diminishing steadily under the incessent attacks of the kaiju, were stretched thinner and thinner. If it weren't for the Happiness Police, the remaining quasi-governmental structure still in place, the nation would've surely self-destructed. Not for the first time either, she was thankful that the sailor-suit clad young women had pledged their loyalty to the Prophet and swore to make his word Law.

She turned to one of the HP girls who were filling in for the absent otaku at the Kawaiian NSUN Mission. Handing her the missive from Prince Rhodri of Gobbannium. "Have this relayed to the Prophet. Ask him which of the 60 patriarchs he wishes to send to Gobbannium to meet with the Prince."

The young NSUN Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii sighed. Not for the first time, she reflected that life was easier under the otaku. Granted, they had been bleeding the nation white, but at least they were willing to work out every detail, no matter how pointless-seeming and trivial. Autonomy was not a Kawaiian strong point, which no doubt explained how her Uncle's revelation that he could speak with Sanrio kittens and understand their "speech" was so quickly accepted by her people as a divine mandate of Prophethood. A leader was needed, and who better than one who was in direct communication with the ineffibly wise kittens?

A leader was fine, though, but as the young Nuncia quickly found, nations are run by bureaucracies, not leaders. Without the otaku to organize things, the Kawaiian nation had quickly degenerated into its primal, clan-based structure, with rival tribes looking after their own kin. Civil war seemed inevitable as the people's resources, diminishing steadily under the incessent attacks of the kaiju, were stretched thinner and thinner. If it weren't for the Happiness Police, the remaining quasi-governmental structure still in place, the nation would've surely self-destructed. Not for the first time either, she was thankful that the sailor-suit clad young women had pledged their loyalty to the Prophet and swore to make his word Law.

She turned to one of the HP girls who were filling in for the absent otaku at the Kawaiian NSUN Mission. Handing her the missive from Prince Rhodri of Gobbannium. "Have this relayed to the Prophet. Ask him which of the 60 patriarchs he wishes to send to Gobbannium to meet with the Prince."
OOC
Aragorn/Zhukov Combined Battle Group Details

Tri Svyatitelya CVBN (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12545888) UWS Aragorn (Also carrying 3 600-man Marine Commandos as SOF; plus landing/logistical assets, and the usual Wagdoggie air group for a carrier this size of 300 Su-37K/300 Su-34K/20 Su-25UTG/40 Ka-27/20 Ka-29/20 Ka-31...)
Peter the Great BBBN (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12488165)Marshal Zhukov
10 x Danechka-II DDN (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12562347)
5 x Vladimir SSN (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12469666)
20 x Vol'nitsa AHN (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12412703)
3 x The People's Class AOEN (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12423073)

IC
Personal Office of General Secretary and Lord Governor Carolinus Horridus, Palace of the Revolution; Tailville DR, Wagdog...
"Okay, let me be sure I have this straight Lady Tíliel." General Secretary Horridus spoke to the Undersecretary of State for Policy, Sir Rilir's designated placeholder since the ordinary next-senior was now the Ambassador to Vetaka and hence authority at the State Department in Tailville delegated further downward to avoid dislocation. "Thanks to the kaiju attacks, the Kawaiian society has utterly collapsed save for the charismatic leadership of their 'Prophet' and his 'Happiness Police' enforcers, themselves all that remain of the old regime?" If so, no wonder these people want out of there. I bet it's as much to prevent them from killing each other as to keep the Kaiju, disease or starvation from doing it for them... He thought that ruefully, for indeed he saw why they might choose to scatter in that case and risk the associated problems of diaspora life.
"You are correct Lord Governor," demurred the Undersecretary. Oh, how he hated the emphasis the emphasis the Elves always seemed to place on that title. Horridus didn't mind Dominion Commonwealth membership at all or its obligations, but he truly wished that the particular subset of his population that had pushed said membership didn't always rub in the fact that it was they who did so. But the elven deputy went on. "If we do not move now, we may be caught in another war before we can help these unfortunates most fully. Already we are concerned about the civil war in the First Reich of The PeoplesFreedom spreading to North Calaveras where Sixth Army is discharging our occupation agreement with the Reich and the Calaveran Government; not to mention the ongoing Kahanistani, Animarnian and Hamilayan situations, plus the precariousness of hearing out Kraven for a redemption we are still not sure they intend." She stopped there; aside from the Five Kingdoms ruled by the apparently-vanished Morgoth, there were few topics less comfortable to the Elves of Wagdog than was the Kraven Corporation.
"Very well. Order the Aragorn and Marshal Zhukov mixed battle group to accompany the hospital ships to the pickup point. If the Kaiju are indeed attacking refugees, I want to have some defenses in place even if we're not to 'tempt Fate' as the Kawaiians would term any offensive action proper. I'll draft the notice to the Nunciate myself, and order a rise in readiness to DEFCON 4 now that everyone's back from Zanski/Nicksyllvania and has gotten at least some rest before returning to readiness. Dismissed." Obediently, Undersecretary of State for Policy Lady Uralia Tíliel nós Kharlir bowed and left the General Secretariat's Residence office as Horridus began to type.

59587
USSW Deployment Order and Notice to the NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii
We are humbled by your acceptance of our offer, and move immediately to assist you at the port of your choosing with a large convoy of twenty hospital ships, plus three supply vessels bearing food and space for additional passengers as detailed in our enclosed information. We're also sending a sizeable escort group centered on the supercarrier UWS Aragorn and the heavy battleship UWS Marshal Zhukov, although you have my word that they shall not attack the Kaiju save in defense of your people or themselves if attacked first. We shall not dispute the wrath of your deity, only defend those we seek to shelter, and shall maintain what you deem a respectful distance from the pickup point should you feel that a wiser option so as not to antagonize any Kaiju nearby.
We are at peace again so I can safely say that attack by foreign fleets is unlikely, although should any pirates try something stupid they shall get a most rude shock when they learn how serious my government is about protecting innocents. Regardless, we sail primarily outfitted to sustain the evacuation of whomever among you wish to make Wagdog your new home, and shall remain so committed until all are safely transported and you agree we have fulfilled our obligations to your people. If any of our arrangements are objectionable to you or the Prophet, please say so and they shall be promptly altered.

Sincerely and Humbly,
Carolinus Horridus
Commander-in-Chief, USSW War Office
Party Secretary, Wagdoggie Revolutionary Party
General Secretary, USSW Revolutionary Command Council
Lord Governor, United Socialist States of Wagdog

OOC: i'm not 100% sure of what sort of layout NSUN embassys would ahve but i woudla ssume they have soem sort of back entrance.
oh and sorry for the slow progression of this, if you woudlr aher speed it up i cna skip a full rping of meetings and fire in soem explanations of things.

IC:

Sir Humphrey was never keen to use the back entrance of anywhere it always struck him as a bit shifty and to indicate a lack of self respect. But in this instance he was prepared to make an exception. While it was no secret that Crookfur had been making appraoches towards the Kawaiians it probabaly would not have piad off to rub thier neighbour's face in it. Which was why he now found himself exiting his official transport, accompanied his 3 colleagues and some junior staff, and standing at the back entrance to the Kawaiians compound.

As things stood both sides had a number of questions they needed answering and Sir Humphery hoped that this meeting would get the process of answering off to a good start...

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

CIC Horridus,
Lord Governor, USSW

Commander: Your missive detailing the passage of hospital ships to the shores of our nation has been passed on to the Prophet. Be assured that your generosity will not go unappreciated; at this moment a designated tribe of our people are making their way to the harbor district of the former Sanrio City. Please note that there is no harborage to speak of at the location, it having borne the brunt of Lord Gojira's attacks. We believe, however, that the site is now relatively safe from kaiju, though there are reports of Palentine dolphins in the waters nearby. We urge caution in your approach, and look forward to the refuge you offer.

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

-----------------------------------

"They're here, Nuncia-sama." the Happiness Policewoman said to the young teenage girl sitting behind a desk that seemed far too large for her. "At the back door, as their missive had said."

The Kawaiian NSUN Nuncia smiled at this, a rare bit of levity in her otherwise frantic life. Why the delegation from Crookfur felt the need to hide from the Kennyites milling around the newly-refurbished entrance to the Kawaiian embassy was beyond her. Of course, one really didn't need a reason to hide from Kennyites, but the effort seemed amusingly elaborate. "Let them in, captain."

The sailor-suit clad woman bowed respectfully, and head out. A moment later, she returned, accompanied by Sir Humpfery and his people, letting them into the ambassadorial suite before assuming her guard-of-honor position behind the Nuncia.

The young Nuncia rose, and bowed deeply to Sir Humphery. "Welcome, sirs, and blessings of the Cute One upon you," she said formally. Resuming her seat, she gestured to the chairs placed nearby, and added, "Be comfortable. Tea?"

"WAIT!!! That one! That green one with the three arms! He's Meofgpsu!"

High priest Jackywobb, a goldem snakelike creature with a green underbelly, shifted on his many centipede-like legs. "The Vorpal thief?"

The blue wombat nodded. "Apparently, he's responsible for the PR shortage as well."

The three-eyed priest shook his antennae in annoyance. First, his polite requests caused his nation to fall in status. Then Dementia defected. Now some criminals were out masquarading as doom legions.

This had been a really stressful week.

"Any members of his gang in the group?"

"He's got them all and more."

"Oh, mren..."
****
An eyeless eagle the size of a horse with bones for feathers winged down to Nuncia. It bobed in a suspiciously bowing-like matter to her, dropped a letter at her foot, blatantly ignored the visiting delegates, and flew out the same rip in the tent it had made while flying in.

After a moment of shock, Nuncia picked it up.

To those who serve the Cute One:

We regret to inform you that those you call the Gojira Ku'tulu are imposters. Our intelligence has proof that they are in fact escaped convicts from the Saneless Republic. A troop of Boojums with Partial Reality Fields and Vorpal blades are now hunting them down. We request a Sanrio kitten and an image of the Cute One to see if this deception goes any further then the Gojira. Our condolences.

High Priest Jackywobb, of the Saneless Republic

Nucia began shaking, but wether in fear or wrath she could not tell.

OOC:
Saneless: have you discussed this with The Eternal Kawaii? such an interuption and possible hijacking of a players own ideas might be considered rude unless it ahs been previously discussed. I'm not saying that i disprove of your post its just that i need to know how things stand so that i can create an appropriate IC response, which might well take a form you most defiantly don't want to see i.e. you just sent a minion into a room occupied by one of the world's foremost deamonologists (and yes your population would defiantly fit the profile of deamons for most people in Crookfur) and 2 individuals with a lot of experience combating the "Forces of Darkness" in thier many forms. In short you are basically forcing me to regonise you which as i explained in an other thread is soemthing i had been hopign to avoid as while it could possibly lead to an interesting RP might also lead to some considerable friction.

The Eternal Kawaii: my appologies for filling the thread with OOC chatter.

Throne Room, The Aerie
Ael Khalas, Altanar

"So they've accepted our offer, then?" King Aelkyn, Altanar's ruler, said.

"They apparently have," Prime Minister Jaris Krytellin responded. "The 'village-sized embassy' model seems to be the accepted model for making this happen...although one could argue that a 70-mile-square plot of land with an airfield is a bit more than a village," Krytellin grinned.

"I'm concerned about the security risk to us," Pargal Khaskereth, Altanar's Defense Minister, said in a slightly grumpy tone of voice. "We're letting a large group of people into our borders and giving them control over an airfield and a large plot of land. We don't know what they're going to do with it. And what if that creature that destroyed the Kawaiians' homeland comes looking for them here?"

"I am confident our military can do what is needed to defend Altanar if that happens," Aelkyn said. "And an embassy is an embassy, no matter what the size. Any nation that has an embassy in Altanar could plan to use it against us. That's just a risk we take. But we're doing some good here, and it makes us look good on the international stage to help them out. That's a win-win situation, as I see it."

"That's true. Besides, it's only 1.5 million people....if need be, we can assert control over the situation easily enough," Khaskereth said. "Very well. I have no objections from a security standpoint."

"Any other objections?" Aelkyn asked his ministers, who all shook their heads.

"Excellent. Go ahead and proceed, Jaris," Aelkyn said, rising from his throne to signal the end to the meeting.

---

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/smurfie_bucket/royalsealsmall.gif

Office of the Prime Minister
1 RMB, Ael Khalas 001007

To: NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

We are most pleased that our new offer is acceptable to you. We look forward to welcoming your people to Altanar, and to your new, independent home within our borders.

We are prepared to declare the entire 70-mile-square Cienegar tract an independent and sovereign territory and embassy of the Eternal Kawaii. We will treat the new region with the same respect and noninterference with which we treat all embassies in our lands.

If you need assistance in improving the infrastructure and housing of the tract, please let us know so that we can dedicate crews to the task.

If your new arrivals need transport to the region, we have available the 536th and 909th Air Transport Wings of the Royal Altanari Air Force, who can begin moving people as needed.

If there are further details you wish to work out, either before or after they arrive, we can meet with your representatives here in Altanar, or at a location of your choosing.

We look forward to a warm and productive relationship with you.

Jaris Krytellin
UCMA Prime Minister

ooc: Oh.

...

Sorry?

I must say that I am puzzled. Do you expect to be able to enforce your own religious laws on your expatriate people in foreign countries? I can’t see why they would agree to that. If you expect to go abroad, then subjugation to foreign authority is almost a must, to my mind.

For that matter, how many people are you actually trying to find homes for?

Lord Jehvah, Ambassador of Lord Atum to the United Nations.
OOCery: I take it from your previous reactions, that you’re not accepting aid from future-tech nations. Which is probably for the best in this instance. Otherwise I would have the urge to trick Kwaiians into slavery (because bad things also happen when you evacuate your nation!) in my goa’uld hellhole! But they’re still valid questions.

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

Jaris Krytellin
PM, UCMA

Your Excellency,

It is with great pleasure and gratitude that we accept your offer. Be known that our Prophet has designated a tribe of our people to recieve refuge in your country, and they look forward to settlement in Cienegar. Your offer of air transport is gratefully accepted, as a fleet from the Wagdoggian Navy is currently headed towards our nation's shores, engaged in similar resettlement operations, and our nation's sea-access is limited.

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

-----------------------------------

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

Jehvah
Ambassador of Lord Atum

Your Lordship,

Let it be known that the Law of the Cute One and the Word of our Prophet is the only thing that distinguishes the Kawaiian people from the rest of Mankind. We have utmost faith in our peoples' willingness to carry on the traditions of their ancestors, and, under our Prophet's guidance, will survive as a nation until our exile is relieved. We ask only that we be given the freedom to do so within such lands as are opened to us.

As for the number of our people--sadly, it has diminished greatly from the catastrophy that has befallen us. The Prophet has ordered a census of the survivors of Lord Gojira's attack, and has chosen from among the leaders of our families 60 Patriarchs who shall lead the resettlement of their tribes. He has declared that only one or a few tribes be resettled in any one foreign nation, lest we be a unfair burden upon them.

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

-----------------------------------

<ooc> Saneless: Apology accepted. :)

IC: "You know... we could use this..." The General-Secretary of Red Tide said.

"Pardon, sir?" The Foreign Minister said.

"This whole Eternal Kawaii incident. Use to get in the good graces of the Red Tide Mafia." The GS replied.

"Err... sir? What would the Red Tide Mafia want with a culture of insanely cute... er... people."

No sooner had the Foreign Minister said that then did he realise what the General-Secretary was getting at. He gave a 'oh-my-god-not-that' looks but kept his mouth shut.

"Yes... that." The General-Secretary said, "Get me a map of the mountain provinces and a dart."

Official Message
To the Goverment of Eternal Kawaii
From: DSRT Goverment
"We sympathise with your plight and wish to give you some land in the Lysoko province. It is sparsely populated, a bit mountainous, and has plenty of space for construction. This province will become essentially a autonomous state, although officially still being Red Tide Territory. You will be free to practice your own laws and religions there and Red Tidean Goverment Agents will have no jurisdiction. If you permit."
End Message

OOC: Kawaii, check your TGs momentarily.

Sir Humphery returned the bow, introduced his companions and took his seat.

"Yes Tea would be msot welcome, thank you Nuncia." He replied cheerfully as he sat back into his chair, "It was most kind of you to see us on such short notice in light of your current predicament and Ambassador Roberts has asked me to extend to you the offer of what ever help our embassy can provide. Moving along I am here mainly to represent the Crookfur foreign office and provide details of what exactly we can offer you, the more intimate details and explainations of your query i will have to leave to my colleague: Inquisitor Stewart..."

"Thank you Sir Humphery, " spoke the Inquisitor leaning forward in his chair to address the Nuncia, "perhaps nuncia it is best if i explain what the Inquisition is as this will eprhaps go some way explainign the issue of "Inquisitorial oversight". The Inquisition is essentially the governing body of most of our Kingdom's intellgence services, dealing with both external and internal threats to Crookfur, similar to a combiantion of the CIA and the FBI if you like. However our remit does go a bit further than that of traditional government bodies. As you are aware there are things in this world that defy science and logic, be they things that go bump in the night or those who would seek power through what could be labeled as dark arts and it is the duty of the Inquisition alogn with our fellows in the Militant orders to defend mankind against such threats. As things stand the manifestations currently plagueing your land would fit our description of deamons but from what we can gather they appear to be more of a direct part of this world than most deamonic manifestations and that it is was the misgiuded actions of your previous government that lead to these events rather than some attempt to bridge the planes of existance. We also accept that there are "Spirits" in this world that posses benevolent feelings towards humankind and those spirits in communication with your Prophet woudl fit that description. We woudls till like to travel to your antion and speak with the Prophet if this would be possible if only to make sure that these spirits would approve of your people settling with our nation and beign exposed to a more or less Christian culture. Thjere might be soem theological detaisl that woudl need attention but i doubt these would cause any concern for the majority of Crookfur citizens.

Now to return to the issue of Over sight, it is more or less simple. In practice what we would require would that the Inqusition be permitted to place agents within your enclaves and that a liason between the Inquistion and your own security services be established so that if a particular threat be indentified it can be dealt with by means resulting in the minimum of distrubance and fuss. We are not demanding authority over your people merely that we work together to safegaurd both our peoples."

With that the Inquisitor sat down to allow the rest of the party to make thier staements and answer questions but it all unltimately boiled down to the following:
Crookfur is offering 2 lcoations for enclaves: The first on the northern coast of Covenant Island (Crookfur's 2nd island, located kind of west of the Canary Islands in one of the south atlantic oceons) bordered on the east side by MoD land and the City of Greame Hills on the west. The second site is an island amougst the tropical achipeligo that makes up the Crookfur Protectorate. Transport would be provided by the Crookfur Navy, air force and merchant marine.

OOC: Can we have my post still here and counting?

OOC: Can we have my post still here and counting?

OOC: It's a bit off-storyline, so I'll have to decline, sorry.

The NSUN Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii sat back and folded her hands, listening carefully to the explanation offered by the foreign religious official of this "Inquisition" he claimed to be a part of. Finally she said, "Well, of course our Prophet would be glad to receive you. I cannot, of course, speak for the Sanrio kittens, who choose themselves whom to grace their presence upon. I also cannot say whether you will receive any kind of answer from them--perhaps the Prophet may be able to intercede for you with them, but such matters are not mine to judge.

"One thing which you should be made aware of," she added. "Our Prophet has sent word that the Sanrio kittens have chosen to join our people in exile. A number of them will be accompanying the tribe proposed to settle in Crookfur. It is our Law that the kittens are not to be interfered with in any manner. They come and go as they please, choosing occasionally to stay with a fortunate individual for a time. Such events are considered a blessing, but they cannot--they should not--be forced.

"Your talk of placing foreign religious among our people to investigate the...supernatural...concerns me. Can we receive assurances that these 'agents' you speak of will not attempt to interfere with the comings and goings of the kittens?"

Meanwhile off the coast of The Eternal Kawaii, near the harbor of the ruined Sanrio City, the brave naval defenders of the Palentine, the Naval Dolphins continued to revel. Word had traveled quickly to the pods about Empress Jhessan's resettlement offer, so the pods were being constantly refreshed by new members.(Once the last Kawaiian left the nation, the dolphins would no longer be able to partake in their favorite pastime). Occasionally a Kawaiian citizen, still stunned and dazed over Lord Gojira's attack would forget themselves and stumble onto the beach. One of the alert Palentine Dolphins would then joyfully let out a string of foul epitaths and vile swearings. With a cry of horror, the poor citizen would stumble back to the chaos of Sanrio City, with the chatter of dolphinic laughter in his or her ears. Watching over this grand gathering of dolphins was Admiral of the Red Nolly, who won her position of Head Dolphin by winning a swear-off.
Suddenly a CPO swam up to Admiral Nolly and said,

"Admiral! There seems to <censored> be a lot of<vile adjective><gross word> ships coming <bleep><Beep> this way!"

"Alert the <Yowzah! thats rude><nasty word> Pods! <Censored> Battle Stations! Give the <bad word><vile explitive><Dirty word> Wankers a greeting they Abso<censored>lutely won't <very gross explitive> forget!", commanded Nolly!

With great and boisterous glee, the pods swam to the approaching ships and began to swear lustily at anyone they could see on board.

SIC
Coded USSW Message to the NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii
Encrypted Transmission....... Received.
Key Provided....... Acquired.
Decryption Algorithm Ready....... Decrypt? (y/n?)

To Her Holiness the Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii,

Forgive our secrecy; our relief force with Danno10's food ships should nearly be done evacuating your tribe (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12633079) from Sanrio City, the only problem being the persistent chatter of some annoying dolphins which we just avoided or stared down as we went about our business. However, potential events far away force us to be frank with you about the true situation.
Tensions between our closest ally, the Free Dominion of Vetaka and the rogue United Kingdom of Clandonia Prime have flared into open war (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=526488). Our position is unclear even if completely supportive of our ally, due to some last-minute diplomacy on the part of the United Dominion of Transylvania to either stop or limit the war. We hope for the best, but remain prepared to fulfill what obligations we must if so.
Should we become involved, we fear for your tribe's safety given our adversaries' known hate for us and everyone associated with us (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12636100), even though we would serve notice openly of your presence among us once any formal declarations involving us occurred or suchlike precipitous events took place. Hence, do you wish us to proceed to Wagdog, knowing that it or the seas we sail could become a war zone?
As a solution, we could possibly leave the medical ships and one supply vessel with their personnel; plus some token Marines behind to protect what food and shelter you have from the kaiju aboard our ships. Our escort fleet would serve the enemy notice that attack upon you would be regarded as a foul war crime deserving of the utmost retaliation within the bounds of military ethics and our Rules of Engagement at the time; although we trust not to Clandonian mercy all the same.
We ask your word: continue on the resettlement or delay? We shall abide by your decision, however painful it may be. We honor our debts here in Wagdog, and shall continue to whatever the price to pay.

Sincerely in Hope,
Lady Uralia Tíliel nós Kharlir
Undersecretary of State for Policy, USSW State Department

SIC
To: NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii
From: Defense Ministry, United Constitutional Monarchy of Altanar

We have mobilized five Air Transport Wings of our Royal Altanari Air Force to begin evacuating your citizens to Cienegar. Once your government provides a suitable site for them to land, we will commence evacuation procedures. Your citizens will be evacuated using C141-C Starlifter military transports, which will be escorted by F/A-18 Hornet fighters for safety. We will avoid any confrontations except where necessary to protect the lives of our airmen/women, or your people.

To provide support for this operation, we will be moving a carrier battle group of the Royal Altanari Navy into international waters near the evacuation site. This shall consist of the following:

- 1 Nimitz-class aircraft carrier
- 2 Ticonderoga-class guided missile cruisers
- 3 Arleigh Burke-class guided missile destroyers
- 2 Seawolf-class attack submarines
- 1 Mercy-class hospital ship
- 1 Sacramento-class supply ship

We shall take care to avoid the Wagdog fleet, or any other forces currently engaged in resettlement operations. This force is also meant only to provide protection for your people who are being resettled, and will have strict orders to engage in defensive acts only if needed.

If you have any further questions, please contact me.

- Pargal Khaskereth
UCMA Minister of Defense

To the illustrious Nuncia.
We offer our lands. Be forewarned, there is an active rebellion, and we will eat any and all unprotected individuals who trespass. However, we are otherwise fairly lenient.
High Preist Jackywobb
"I think that covers it," said the snakelike being, cardully sealing the envelope...

SIC
Coded USSW Message to the NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii
Encrypted Transmission....... Received.
Key Provided....... Acquired.
Decryption Algorithm Ready....... Decrypt? (y/n?)

To Her Holiness the Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii,

Forgive our secrecy; our relief force with Danno10's food ships should nearly be done evacuating your tribe (http://forums.jolt.co.yk/showthread.php?p=12633079) from Sanrio City, the only problem being the persistent chatter of some annoying dolphins which we just avoided or stared down as we went about our business. However, potential events far away force us to be frank with you about the true situation.
Tensions between our closest ally, the Free Dominion of Vetaka and the rogue United Kingdom of Clandonia Prime have flared into open war (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=526488). Our position is unclear even if completely supportive of our ally, due to some last-minute diplomacy on the part of the United Dominion of Transylvania to either stop or limit the war. We hope for the best, but remain prepared to fulfill what obligations we must if so.
Should we become involved, we fear for your tribe's safety given our adversaries' known hate for us and everyone associated with us (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12636100), even though we would serve notice openly of your presence among us once any formal declarations involving us occurred or suchlike precipitous events took place. Hence, do you wish us to proceed to Wagdog, knowing that it or the seas we sail could become a war zone?
As a solution, we could possibly leave the medical ships and one supply vessel with their personnel; plus some token Marines behind to protect what food and shelter you have from the kaiju aboard our ships. Our escort fleet would serve the enemy notice that attack upon you would be regarded as a foul war crime deserving of the utmost retaliation within the bounds of military ethics and our Rules of Engagement at the time; although we trust not to Clandonian mercy all the same.
We ask your word: continue on the resettlement or delay? We shall abide by your decision, however painful it may be. We honor our debts here in Wagdog, and shall continue to whatever the price to pay.

Sincerely in Hope,
Lady Uralia Tíliel nós Kharlir
Undersecretary of State for Policy, USSW State Department
Coded EMERGENCY Communique to the NSUN Nunciate of the Diaspora Church of the Eternal Kawaii
OOC: EK, check TGs please. Thanks.
SIC:
Encrypted Transmission....... Received.
Key Provided....... Acquired.
Decryption Algorithm Ready....... Decrypt? (y/n?)

Unfortunately, events regarding suspected Griffincrest Corporation moves against one of our allies require that we take the following course of action in default of a reply from you. Our country will not be safe for you if this escalates as widely as we fear, and we will not lead you to death on our account.

We will leave you our supply and hospital ships, keys to the vessels' vaults provided so you can store your new aid. If possible, paint them in your colors and go where you wish, or else in Danno10's colors should they accept our coming offer and make your way there. Your people deserve to survive, and so you shall whatever becomes of us.

Yours in Hope Always,
Lady Uralia Tíliel nós Kharlir
Undersecretary of State for Policy, USSW State Department

IC
Pulling away from the docks after hastily gathering up the refugees and informing them they had to leave had been hard, of course. This would be harder still, knowing the... things that still haunted this place.

The UWS Isildur's commander, Rear Admiral Vick Goshtasp, hated this; but he also knew it was these people's only chance. "Attention all hands, castoff and make heading for home at all ahead full. Godspeed Eternal Kawaii... and may The Cute One be praised." He hadn't converted or anything, but he figured a parting reply was best.

That done, the massive Tri Svyatitelya class supercarrier slowly pulled away from the ruins of Sanrio City harbor with the Peter the Great heavy battleship UWS Comandante Guevara. As the escort group retreated from the former Kawaiian waters, leaving behind as a token of their care the fleet train; easily done since the ships had refuelled while taking on refugees and not needed to fire at all en route to the devastated Kawaiian homeland, plus the obvious fact the Kawaiians could use the food and supplies (including guards' weapons for defense against anarchy or such). But now, they might need to fight it out on the way home if things went as bad as they looked to be soon.

That was, very bad. Enough that Wagdog simply had to recall all military assets abroad on non-critical missions for possible concentrated deployment on an unspecified contingency. Ideally, this could be done soon enough that nobody not allied to or dependent upon Wagdog had any problems; and so efforts were frantically being made to get the redeployments approved and authorized where possible in time...

And so the exodus of the Kawaiian folk began.

It very nearly didn't, actually. The Patriarch of the Wood Rat tribe (so named after the first month in the Kawaiian calendar) stood in confusion amid the ruined docks, the shattered and burned remnants of Sanrio City spread behind him. The delegation from Wagdog had arrived, shown his people to their places aboard the hospital ships that were to carry them...

And then departed, sailing away on their ships of war, leaving only the transport ships and word of warning--the lands they were to journey to had become a war zone, unsafe for them to land at.

"Now what, Father?" a middle-aged Kawaiian said to the elderly Patriarch. "We have enough able-bodied men and women to sail these craft. But where to?"

The old man stood a while, thinking, praying, meditating. Or sleeping, sometimes with Patriarchs it's hard to tell. Finally he spoke.

"The Prophet gave us the name of Wood Rat for a reason, my son. We are the first to leave. Where we shall land, only the Cute One knows. But we sail under the protection of the Eternal Kawaii. Give the order to cast off."

With that, the Patriarch headed to the skiff to take him aboard and join his tribe in their strange journey. Even the cursing of the Palantine dolphins that swam around the ships, mocking the Kawaiian refugees at every turn, failed to shake the old man's resolve to obey the Prophet's command--find a new home for his people.


----------------------------------------------------


The Fire Ox tribe found their exodus far less dramatic, the only crisis being the clearing of an airstrip large enough to land the transport planes from Altanar before a kaiju noticed the disturbance and arrived to destroy their handiwork and anyone standing in its way.

The Altanarian Navy, on the other hand, found themselves in a more curious situation. Their attempts to signal the Wood Rat refugee fleet fell on deaf ears, the Kawaiians having sealed their vessels to block out the sounds of cursing dolphins as they sailed haphazardly away.


----------------------------------------------------


The NSUN Nuncia looked curiously at the missive handed to her as she and the delegation from Crookfur enjoyed a brief break from their negotiations. She said to herself, "I'm not sure whether these people are offering sanctuary, or are looking for a snack..."

Radulf and Faolán somberly watched the Kawaiians fleeing their homeland by satellite.

"We did tell them that we'd help them move out, didn't we?" Faolán asked.

"Yes, but they're doing alright. We could send some of the non-lethal anti-dolphin drones to help, though."

"But look, they had to build an airport. Why didn't they just use VTOL or a-grav craft?"

"Well, THEY don't have any." He looked at the screen of his PET. Guardian Cruise Lines had actually agreed to release the Starship Titanic into their authority if they needed it. The bloody Titanic! And half the combined public and private fleet of the entire bloody Commonwealth.

"We should offer again."

"I don't want to push it if they don't want it."

"If they don't want it, they can just bloody ignore it. I dislike not knowing, that's all."

"I'm not going to pressure them!"

"I... Where are those ships going to go, now that Wagdog is unsafe?"

His pseudo-brother turned to look at the monitor. The Kawaiians had taken command of the ships and they were under way. "I don't know."

"They could come here."

"I..." Radulf could not offer any counterargument to that. "Yeah."

"Computer, inform the Kawaiians that their destination-less ships may come to the Commonwealth if they desire, along with any other refugees."

"And remind them that we're willing to assist all their relocation needs." Radulf conceded.

"Message sent."

The Patriarch of the Wood Rat tribe sat alone in his cabin abord the refugee flagship, "meditating" (or so he called it. Noone was going to call the old man out on it, after all.) Suddenly a brilliant light filled the narrow room, and a loud, garbled voice boomed out.

So intent were the Kawaiian refugees on sealing themselves off from the swearing Palentine dolphins in the waters around them that they refused even normal, radio communications. Fortunately for a space-faring race like the Wolf Guardians, that was no problem. Holograph, direct video, whatever you call it, it was being beamed straight into the Patriarch's cabin from the stars above.

Unfortunately, space-age computers rarely have practice dealing with spiritualistic cultures. So it was that the Wolf Guardian's computer-generated directional codes went totally unnoticed by the Patriarch, who stood fascinated by the brilliant beam of light that seemed to come from the heavens to right at his feet.

It follows almost without mention that this was a sign from the Cute One. Rushing to the deck of the ship, the Patriarch looked up, tracing the beam of light (faintly illuminated by the blue haze from the dolphins' language) as it arced up into the sky, pointing to...where?

No matter. A sign was a sign. Turning to the ship's pilot, he barked out an order. Pointing to the direction of the "star" that was sending the light of the Eternal Kawaii down to its lost and wandering people, he said, "Follow that. There is where the Cute One is leading us!"

-----

ooc: sorry about missing you back there. Looks like you'll be getting our first batch of refugees, though. :D

OOC: apologies over the late reply.

IC:
As the break came to a close and negotiations were about to begin afresh Sir Humphery politely approached the Nuncia.
"My Dear, Nuncia, I do beg your forgiveness for the trouble that these negotiations must be causing you but if you will hear me I believe we can bring them to a close more quickly than one might have foreseen. I must first apologise for my colleagues, Inquisitors are by their nature and necessity paranoid and suspicious individuals and so can, at times, find themselves blinded to the bigger picture by their own questing for knowledge and the seeking of threats, but let me assure you all they are doing is crossing the i's and dotting the t's. They made their mind up about your people and your spiritual benefactors some time ago or else I wouldn't even be here speaking to you. I can promise that within Crookfur, be it within your enclaves or elsewhere that the Kittens will be treated with the upmost respect and sanctity that they deserve and if they do choose to accompany your people would be welcomed as a blessing by many within Crookfur. On the matter of oversight and security the Inquisition are more interested in working with your own personnel than anything else, in fact openly coming out and admitting that they would seek to place agents within your community is a mark of great trust and respect. Finally in regard to the Prophet I can inform you that while a meeting with him is still desirable it can wait until things have settled down, we do understand how the task of protecting your remaining peoples will be consuming his time and energies. A s a gesture of our respect if he ever requires transport to visiting the displaced communities of you nation we will be willing to provide it.
I do hope this helps clear some things up... Ah it seems that the games are to be rejoined, shall we?"

CommComm Satellite 47 loyally carried out its task, delivering the message "no matter what," as its primary directive stated. It waited quietly for a reply, watching the scene it projected to. It waited the preprogrammed amount of time, then recorded the lack of literal response and the physical response it had invoked and bounced this off another 14 satellites to inform the original senders. Satellite 107, the last bounce in the chain, however, had become suicidal, as tended to happen with AIs in proximity to OMGTKK. Madly it seized upon the message, reading it fervently. A sign! it cried to space in general. If they cannot reply, they cannot be corrected! I will purge their erroneousness forever! With that, it fired its stabilizer jets, and began its descent to OMGTKK. It would destroy them with the only weapon available to it: its weight. It cackled madly as it fell.

However, in its insanity, it had failed to realize that it would disintegrate long before it reached its target, and would carry its message with it. Satellite 107 had little use for most purposes, and thus its destruction would not be realized until much later, even by the CommComm network itself.

Thus it came to be that Radulf and Faolán, busy in their duties, would never be informed.

OOC: No problem, especially if you continue such entertaining writing, TEK. It's worth the wait. :D

The NSUN Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii listened quietly to Sir Humphrey's sidebar commentary on the Crookfurian Inquisition. Pausing for a moment to gather her thoughts, she replied, "Very well, sir. The Prophet has charged me strictly to find honorable nations to host our people, and I believe you to be a man of honor. I think there should be no problem politically in bringing one of our tribes to your shores. It remains now just a question of mechanics. How do you propose to ferry our people? We have little in the way of transport ourselves, save a few barges full of potatoes."


-----------------------------


The pilot of the Wood Rat tribal refugee fleet followed the beam of light from the heavens, turning erractly from hour to hour as it flickered capriciously across the sky. Turning to the Patriarch in frustration and despair, he said, "What manner of sign is this, Father? It seems not to know its own mind!"

"Patience, my son," the Patriarch said calmly. "No doubt it will make its intentions known." The old man's faith in the Cute One was unshakeable. No doubt the reason the Prophet chose him as the vanguard of his nations' tribes.

Apparently those intentions involved the self-immolation of a Wolf Guardian telecommunications satellite, for suddenly, a great fireball streaked across the sky, heading away from the flickering light-show. Growing in size and brightness, it blazed a trail pointing unmistakeably in one direction--due south.

The Patriarch didn't even need to speak. He and the pilot exchanged nods, and soon the Wood Rat fleet was heading along the route the Cute One had designated.

Two weeks later, the fleet spotted land. A cheer rose up from the refugee ships, and they put on more speed, heading for their new home.

Only to sail into the port of Paradise City, capital of Omigodtheykilledkenny. The Cute One's inscrutible purpose had landed the vanguard refugee tribe directly into the hands of the Kawaiian peoples' hated arch-enemies.

OOC: ROFLMAO!!!

The story has no current premise under which I could advance it, but I just had to pop in to say, "HOLY CRAP, you're BRILLIANT!" and to share the fact that that brightened my day.

Oh, and... HOLY CRAP, you're BRILLIANT!

[/commentary]

Sir Humphery liad out the Crookfur transportation plans such as they were:

"We would like to offer the servcies of the Crookfur Royal Navy and the Crookfur Merchant Marine. Currently we have the services of one of our Corps level sea lift groups penciled in to carry out this mission backed up by a number of passenger liners operating udner a Crookfur flag. In terms of getting your people onto our vessels we have 2 options, the first is to use the naval group's own organic air transport assets, primarily vertical lift aircraft (i.e. helicopters and rotodynes*) to ferry people to our vessels or for the vessels to dock at what ever harbours remain. Our sea lift groups do carry with them materials and facilities to provide thier own docking facilties but obviously thigns would go much quicker if there are any such facilties still in existance within your nation."


* Rotodyens are basically a mix between a helicopter and a turboprop aeroplane combining the best of both worlds.

Meanwhile, on the ground, the first in a massive wave of C-141 Starlifter transports of the Royal Altanari Air Force began landing on the airstrip created for the evacuation. They taxied to a stop, and soldiers with the Royal Altanari Army quickly exited, setting up makeshift queues to begin loading their evacuees. Their commander began looking around for someone in a position of authority, while his men prepared for the expected onslaught of evacuees desperate to escape the devastation of their homeland. F/A-18 Hornet fighters soared overhead, providing some cover.

"They rejected us."

The Lord Chancellor didn't look up from his tea.

"Yes, and what's your point?"

"Doesn't that bother you?

"Should it? They rejected our diplomatic offer for their own reasons."

"But it is an affront to the Emperor!"

Zagzser put down his book and looked up at Pansureng. He stared at him for a moment.

"I'm getting tired of your games, Han. You are not an idiot, and you're not an actor."

Pansureng sat still in his chair, glaring at the old man, impeccable in his black suit.

"Han, I saved your life and career because I could not afford to lose the skill and devotion to the Emperor that you possess. Remember that your life, like all of ours, hangs on a thread. It's a matter of knowing who has the shears."

He looked back down to his book. "Send the Kawaiians an offical message. Offer them our apologies, and promise the support of His Majesty in any way they see fit. Diplomacy, Han."

Pansureng sat still for another moment. Zagzser didn't look back up, but pressed a button, invisible on his floatscreen. Piano music began to drift through the air.

Slowly rising, Hanmegura Pansurent turned and left the office of the Lord Chancellor.

"Uh oh..."

These words frightened the Subcommander. These words from the most advanced AI in existence cannot be good.

"Shall we go down and save them from the ravages of the Kennyites, Subcommander?" Titania asked him.

"Uh... If you think that's best..."

"I do," she said as she began her descent. She liked making the mortals feel like they were in control.

Over the sound of the actual waves of the ocean, the sound of waves beating on a distant shore could be heard, and the unmistakable form of the Starship Titanic (http://www.starshiptitanic.com/) became visible. The great keel of the Starship came to a rest a yard above the bow deck of the flagship. A pinpoint of light shot down the side of the ship, becoming visible as an elevator when it neared the bottom. It settled and extended a stair-ramp, down which the head DoorBot (http://www.starlightlines.com/ds09.html) floated.

"Greetings from the Commonwealth of the Wolf Guardians, Guardian Cruise Lines, and the Starship Titanic: The Ship That Cannot Possibly Go Wrong! All occupants of this ship have been granted Super Galactic Traveler class boarding passes, for a cruise to the Commonwealth! We would ask, however, that you all board quickly, as proximity to Kennyites has negative effects on our systems!"

OOC: The Cute One did not lead your people astray, lol.

The NSUN Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii nodded approvingly as Sir Humphrey explained the details of his evacuation plan. Most of it went right over the young teenaged girl's head...military matters were a male perogative in her culture, and frankly she never understood the fascination between "boys and their toys" as her Grandmother had put it. Still, it sounded like the Crookfur navy could evacuate a tribe of refugees quickly and with little groundwork laid ahead of time--matters that were important with the encroaching kaiju. "That sounds very good, sir," she replied. "I've been told that no docking facilities remain, save the temporary ones erected by the Wagdoggian navy before their unexpected departure. It is unlikely those will survive long enough to be of use to you, though.

"If can provide ferrying from the inland to shore, though, it will be sufficient. I will pass word to the Prophet--I believe he has directed the Iron Rabbit tribe to meet with you, should you agree to take them in."


--------------------------------------------


The temporary airstrip was completed just in time for the flying behemoths from Altanar to arrive, taxiing to a stop and taking their position along the makeshift flightline at one end of the airfield. A flurry of activity was already beginning as the large tent encampment of the Fire Ox tribe began breaking down their temporary shelters and assembling before their rescuers.

As the commander took his position at the head of the parked aircraft, an old man approached him. He had dark hair and fiery eyes, and was clearly not pleased about something, despite his attempts at courtesy. Bowing deeply to the commander, he said, "May the Cute One bless you, our deliverers." Pointing up at one of the fighter jets that was passing overhead at the time, he added more stiffly, "Forgive my ignorance of your ways, sir, but is it your plan to attract the kaiju to us?"

The old man (apparently the Fire Ox patriarch, from the way the other Kawaiians around him were behaving) wasn't being sarcastic. Already, over the drum of the idling transport planes' engines, a slow thumping sound could be heard through the jungle. The Kawaiians' debarkation point had been discovered.


--------------------------------------------


In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

Ruhomash Zagszer,
Lord High Chancellor, etc. etc. etc.
The Great Star Empire of Allech-Atreus

Chancellor,

We salute the courtesy with which you have accepted our rejection of your initial offer of haven for our people. Please understand that we hold no ill-will towards your people or your Emperor; it is merely the strangeness of your offer which confuses us.

We note your offer of support in such matters as we understand. As a gesture of goodwill, would your nation be willing to provide transport of one of our tribes to a third party? The Free Havenic Republic of Khahanistan has offered our people refuge, but due to circumstances beyond their control they are currently unable to provide transportation. Any assistance in this matter would be gratefully accepted.

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii


--------------------------------------------


It is said that "ignorance is bliss". Nowhere is that statement more true than within eye-, ear-, or radio communications-shot of Omigodtheykilledkenny. So it was that the Wood Rat refugee fleet had a crucial, if subtle, advantage. In their mechanophobia, the Kawaiians had turned off all computerized equipment aboard the Wagdoggian ships they had borrowed, trusting in the Cute One's guidance and their own navigation skills to sail deep (if unknowingly) into Kennyite territorial waters.

The Starship Titanic, however, that marvel of cybernetic construction, lacked such an advantage. Indeed, the very sophistication of its computer-driven self rendered it exquisitely vulnerable to the madness eminating from the Kennyite shores. So, while the Kawaiian refugees, hiding in the holds of their ships, terrified of the huge metal thing floating over their heads, remained relatively safe from exposure, the Titanic found itself steadily growing insane...


ooc: You're right. The Cute One did not lead our people astray. :p

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii (mtCObp)

Ruhomash Zagszer,
Lord High Chancellor, etc. etc. etc.
The Great Star Empire of Allech-Atreus

Chancellor,

We salute the courtesy with which you have accepted our rejection of your initial offer of haven for our people. Please understand that we hold no ill-will towards your people or your Emperor; it is merely the strangeness of your offer which confuses us.

We note your offer of support in such matters as we understand. As a gesture of goodwill, would your nation be willing to provide transport of one of our tribes to a third party? The Free Havenic Republic of Khahanistan has offered our people refuge, but due to circumstances beyond their control they are currently unable to provide transportation. Any assistance in this matter would be gratefully accepted.

NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

The particulars of interstellar travel were not really an issue, but it was really more the interdemensional part of it that complicated things. So, when Admiral Jeroen Vrigyatha looked over the orders for his battle-group, he heaved a deep sigh and called a conference with all of his chief engineers.

Sure, he thought, the Empire is a highly advanced space-faring nation. Sure, we can do this. But it's not like we're all cyborgs with brain implants and have dimensional gates built onto our ships; some of us still have to make do with the things from the old days.

"Of course we can do it. Ten ships, to pick up some crazy cat-worshippers? No problem."

Vrigyatha rolled his eyes unconciously. That would be Chief Engineer Udwar, on the Petteral. Always overconfident, which is why his last three ships had gone early to the junkyard.

"Ten, we'd be lucky to get three of these old junkers through a warp gate!"

That one would be Chief Engineer Obadah, on the Orguni. He was a mean old dick, and no one liked him.

"We can manage, I think. Maybe not the ten Tariish-class we were wanting, but I can get at least five through."

And the smartest one, Chief Engineer Burzai. Vrigyatha leaned forward.

"How long will it take you to set up a gate?" The other engineers fell quiet, and looked at the younger man.

"Five hours. One for each ship, really. Once I get the coordinates for the Eternal Kawaii's reality string, it's easy."

The engineers were grumbling. Out of all of them, each with more than 40 years of experience on a warship, Burzai had the least. But, he had a degree in subspace and interdimensional science, and that's what counted.

"Five hours. General alert, prepare for departure. Prepare these ships- Petteral, Tariish, Orguni, Katardanu,, and the Terengal. We depart in five hours."

* * *

Inquisitor Shreet squinted into the sunny sky, looking for the right indicator. Two weeks in The Eternal Kawaii made him pine for the fleshbeasts of Rombi. The Agundan had sent word ahead, Admiral Vrigyatha would be arriving to help with the transport of the Kawaiian refugees, all Shreet had to do was start up the dimensional beacon.

He set the smooth steel block on the ground, stepped back, and pulled out the instruction manual. He swore, it was written in Spanish.

Luckily, the beacon turned on by itself and began glowing blue-green. Now, all he had to do was wait for the fleet to arrive...

The temporary airstrip was completed just in time for the flying behemoths from Altanar to arrive, taxiing to a stop and taking their position along the makeshift flightline at one end of the airfield. A flurry of activity was already beginning as the large tent encampment of the Fire Ox tribe began breaking down their temporary shelters and assembling before their rescuers.

As the commander took his position at the head of the parked aircraft, an old man approached him. He had dark hair and fiery eyes, and was clearly not pleased about something, despite his attempts at courtesy. Bowing deeply to the commander, he said, "May the Cute One bless you, our deliverers." Pointing up at one of the fighter jets that was passing overhead at the time, he added more stiffly, "Forgive my ignorance of your ways, sir, but is it your plan to attract the kaiju to us?"

The old man (apparently the Fire Ox patriarch, from the way the other Kawaiians around him were behaving) wasn't being sarcastic. Already, over the drum of the idling transport planes' engines, a slow thumping sound could be heard through the jungle. The Kawaiians' debarkation point had been discovered.

The Altanari commander blanched, realizing the tactical error they had made. He returned the bow to the Fire Ox patriarch with equal respect, and said, "My apologies for our error. We shall correct it now."

He turned to a subordinate nearby. "Get the Sword of Olen on the line - now!"

At the command tower of the Sword of Olen, the Nimitz-class carrier leading Altanar's carrier battle group, a communications officer connected the vessel's commander, Capt. Jerik Kasparan, to the flight commander.

"The escorts are leading trouble our way. We need to lead them off now," the commander said.

"Understood," the captain said. "Get your people out of there as quickly as possible," he added, ending the conversation. Capt. Kasparan then turned back to the communications officer. "Radio the flight wing over the evac site to get the hell out of there. If one of those monsters appears at the evac site, have the fighters and the ground units on-site execute Contingency Order 34. Lead the monster away from the evac site - whatever the cost."

The comm officer simply nodded. CO34 was, in effect, a suicide order - it meant that the escorts would interpose themselves between the evac site and whatever threatened it, trying to lead the threat away from the site...knowing full well that it was likely they would never survive the encounter.

Meanwhile, on the ground at the evac site, the Altanari soldiers heard the thumping noises coming from the jungle, and needed no orders from their superiors to step up their urgency. They began processing and loading evacuees with much greater haste.

"Hurry now." Titania's voice patiently rang out over the decks of the aquatic ship below. While she, herself, was a completely stable AI, this was certainly not true of the rest of the ship. Why weren't they boarding?

"Bloody Kennyites!" the Parrot exclaimed in a voice that was entirely not unlike that of Terry Jones.

"Shut up."

"Make me!"

"Oooh..." The little bugger gave her a headache on top of that the ship was giving her. "Fine, if you want us, call us, and we'll be back!" she called over the loudspeaker, and moved the ship away. In relatively typical fashion, whether exposed to Kennyites or not, the lower keel splashed into the water, managing to destroy the most expensive object in sight, viz one nuclear submarine, belonging to unknown forces, that had been quite oddly teleported here from an alternate timeline. Oh, great, the Heart of Gold must be about. She poured on speed to escape, only managing to destroy two buildings on shore in the process.

The young and quite terrified Guardian Subcommander was being accosted by a BellBot, which had mistaken him for refuse and was politely attempting to throw him down the disposal system. Titania reached out with her mind and gave a cybernetic smack to the BellBot and attempted to comfort her young charge.
Maintenance began repairs to the ship, resetting each robot and intelligent circuit. The only casualty had been the DoorBot on the Kawaiian ship, which had politely requisitioned a gun from the ship and shot itself.

Titania sighed. C'est la vie.

"Good thing we brought the Punts as well as the choppers."

Captain Gryffydd nodded absently to his XO as he watched the crowd of little amphibious vehicles ferrying the Earth Tiger tribe from the shore to the Gobbannaen transport fleet. The Eternal Kawaii had even less workable docks now than when the fleet had set out a week ago, and the Punts had proved invaluable in moving people onto the hastily refitted cruise ships that would be taking them back to Gobbannium.

It didn't help that both they and the transports brought along for their goods had a deeper draught than the mangled docks really allowed for. Gryff wasn't about to take HMS Grace of Heaven into that mess, not when they couldn't guarantee much warning of attack. Gracie and the rest of the small support fleet might be outfitted to take on sea dragons, but the monsters busily destroying this land seemed to be a whole bigger order of trouble, and speed of reaction might be their only advantage. Besides, he'd been given strict orders to avoid engagements if at all possible.

"At this rate, we should be finished soon," he said. "Let the Hibernian Star know that I'll take a boat across and greet this Patriarch of theirs once were away from the coast." There was no way that he would leave the bridge while the fleet was still in the Kawaiian danger zone.

"Aye aye, sir."

"By the way, Ceri, what happened to those bloody dolphins?"

The XO grinned. "Sonar may have had a slight accident and deafened the buggers," he said. "Serves the little sods right. I dare say they'll be back, but they might be a bit more polite next time."

Gryff grinned back for a moment, until a thought struck him and the smile froze on his face. Then he put his head in his hands and groaned. "Put the fleet on level two alert," he said, "and get those people on board as fast as possible. And tell Sonar that next time they want to hang out a sign saying 'come and eat me,' I'll toss them over the side myself!"

Underwater a horrible din could be heard. Temporarily deafened by the sonar, the dolphins were cursing loudly and slowly, trying to read each other's lips. nothing in the world can be more. Admiral of the Red, Nolly luckily was above the surface when the sonar went off. She surveyed the scene of her very agitated pods. She swam back to the surface and gave a nasty glare over at the Gobbannium ship evacuating the Kawaiians.
"<Censored><Foul word><Nasty Word>Cretins! Once my <Gross word><rude word> pod can <explitive deleted>hear again, those <yowzah><Ditto><anotomically impossible act>wankers will <Bleep>Bleep><bleeping>Pay! They'll get a <Censored> Cursing they won't<Filthy word>forget!", thought Nolly.

Meanwhile in the Palentine, A group of 6 modified C-5 Galaxy Transport planes were preparing to take off from a military airport. the last 72 hours were spent modifiying the cargo haulers to carry civillian passagers and their stuff. KC-130 gas passers would meet on route for in air refeuling. In the lead plane, Captain Biff Trevor prepared for take off. He looked back at the load master, Master Sgt. Reiko Haas and asked,
"Are we set, Sarge?"

"Yes Sir, we can carry 35 people and their belongings. We have balogna sandwiches with cheese, and Coke Cola, for the refugees to eat, and the in- flight movie will be Tora Tora Tora.", replied Sgt Haas.

"Good job, sarge!",then he spoke into his radio,"Ground Control, we are ready for takeoff."

The members of the Wood Snake tribe gathered around Inquisitor Shreet, watching the strange foreign man working with his equipment. There was a slightly dissatisfied rumbling from the crowd. It was strange technology that got them into their dire predicament, why would the Prophet expect them to trust in it to get them out?

Still, the Prophet's word was law, and the representative from Allech-Atreus was allowed to do his work unhindered. When the beacon he was working on finally came on, a cheer rose from the crowd of Kawaiians. Shree looked around in confusion, what are they going on about? he thought. Then he saw the banners that were being raised over the Kawaiian camp. They were blue-green in color, the same as the signalling beacon, and bore the Snake emblem of their tribe. Apparently the Kawaiians were saluting the beacon's perceived gesture of respect.


---------------------------------------------------


The booming sound grew louder and louder, over the noise of the rushed evacuation. Kawaiians packing what belongings they could in short order, and loading them up onto makeshift travoises. They went about it quickly and smoothly despite their haste; obviously months of nomadic living, striking camp every few days to avoid wandering monsters, had taught them well. The Fire Ox tribe were well on their way aboard the Altanarian transport craft when the noise stopped, and its source could be seen off in the distance through a gap in the trees.

It was a bizarre creature, looking like someone had attempted to cross a cricket, a shark and an armadillo and cast it into a humanoid rubber suit some 60 meters high. The bug-eyed monster (for lack of a better term) turned this way and that, its multifaceted eyes fixated on the fighter jets flying over the jungle.

Something about the aircraft appeared to enrage the creature, for it suddenly began gesturing wildly, making an almost comic dance as it waved its arms around. The comedy vanished suddenly though, as it crossed its lumpy arms over its head. There was a loud WHOOOM!!! and a powerful shockwave burst around the monster, the distortion hurtling through the air towards an offending plane.


---------------------------------------------------


Meanwhile in Sanrio Bay, the echoes of the sonar blast from the Grace of Heaven bounced back and forth among the underwater rocks and sunken wrecks left by the passage of Lord Gojira during his first rampage months ago. Gradually the sound dispersed, no longer at dolphin-deafening volume, but still clanging like a bell. The clearly man-made sound penetrated deep around Kawaiian waters. Deep into the home of Lord Gojira himself.

It was fortunate, perhaps, the Lord Gojira was not at home. But judging from the unusual waves that began lapping against the Gobbanium warship, the Lord of the Hosts of Kaiju did not live alone...

The distortion unleashed by the kaiju slammed into a RAAF F/A-18 Hornet, quickly knocking it off course and sending it spiraling into the ground. The pilot of the F/A-18 made a valiant effort to send it towards the kaiju, and not the transports. The resulting crash created an impressive fireball at the kaiju's feet.

The first of the Starlifter transports began taking off, while the air transport personnel hastily loaded the remaining transports. Aboard his transport, the commander on the ground issued the order for all available air and ground units to implement CO34 and give the transports the time they needed to take off. After issuing the order, he cursed briefly, sat back and gave a brief prayer to the Pantheon - throwing the Cute One in for good measure.

Altanari fighter jets swept into the airspace between the kaiju and the transports, while a series of M113 APCs and Challenger 2 MBTs that had unloaded from the transports began moving into the space between the kaiju and the evac zone.

Initial bewilderment usually happens when foreign cat-worshippers start cheering, but Shreet shrugged it off. At least they weren't attacking him.

He turned to walk back to the camp, mentally turning on his neural implants. He had been careful to hide his cerebral plugs, given the suspicious nature of the Kawaiians, and sought out the chief of the tribe. He searched through his language banks, trying to find the Kawaiian language, and had to settle for suitably corrupted foreign records.

"<Sky-ships make come quick. Monkey-beacon draws down the heavens. Horrifying explosions make movie-goers cringe.">

He thought about the last phrase for a moment.

<"my sorries. Will come soon.">

Internally, he cursed.

* * *

"Admiral, we have the coordinates. I'm inputting them into the nav computer now."

Vrigyatha nodded, shifting uncomfortably in the commander's chair. The open plaz windows showed him the array of scanners and emitters that the engineers had set up around his squadron, and he silently hoped they wouldn't end up in a dimension of pure angry.

"Are all ships in position?"

'Yes, Admiral."

The cargo bays had been cleared and prepared for human inhabitation. He made sure the quick-release emergency expulsion systems had been locked down, the last thing the Empire needed was a bunch of dead Kawaiian refugees vented into the ravages of subspace.

"Power up, begin the countdown."

"Aye. All ships running hot, ready for atmospheric travel. Countdown: 10"

"9"

"8"

"7"

"6"

Vrigyatha instinctivlely tightened his grip.

"5"

"4"

"3"

He breathed in, and out, and loosened his hand.

"2"

* * *

In the skies above the Kawaiian camp, the sky did something it didn't normally do; unless it was common for the sky in the Eternal Kawaii to shimmer, bubble, and look like it was bending. For miles around, there was absolutely no sound, as if everything had gone completely silent.

In an instant, five huge starships popped into existance two three miles aboe the treetops, filling the sky. Their black and grey hulls were only broken by the Imperial Ensign.

"1. Transport complete."

"What the hell was that?"

"What was what?"

Captain Gryffydd's XO looked perplexed for a moment, obviously not having noticed anything out of the ordinary. Anything else he might have been about to say was drowned out by the radar operator. "Aerial contacts, sir! We have five bogeys, distance twenty milltiroedd, bearing oh eight three. They just appeared, sir!"

"What are they doing now?"

"Just hanging there-- no, they're descending slowly."

"I hope for the sake of whoever's out there that they're another rescue party," Lt Ceri muttered.

Gryff was saved from having to agree by the buzz of the intercom. "Bridge."

"Bridge, this is MagOps. We have confirmed major transdimensional activity about twenty milltiroedd due east. Whatever it is, it's big, sir. The bow-wave knocked half my crystals out of kilter."

"Good, I wasn't just imagining it. That must be our five bogeys; they'd better be spaceships, because we aren't fighting off five demons that size."

His XO looked across grimly. "We are going to be fighting something, sir. We have a confirmed sonar contact, approaching fast from the deep water."

Gryff swore. "Level one alert," he said. "All military vessels prepare for combat, all civvies set sail now. Any materiel that isn't on board we're leaving behind, use the choppers to get the last of the Kawaiians safe."

Leaving Ceri barking into the radio, the Captain turned to make his own preparations. Carefully he put his hands on an ornately engraved panel placed at the forwardmost point of the bridge, closed his eyes, and took a calming breath. Then he thought his way through the complex series of patterns and images that would bring the Grace of Heaven up to full battle pitch.

Throughout the superstructure, built carefully into every beam and deck plate, the best that Gobbannium could do in military enchantments responded to their captain. Gracie awoke and stretched. Her hull stiffened, becoming that bit stronger than steel could ever be by itself. Her engine pushed that little bit faster, making her that little bit more responsive to the wheel, that little bit more real.

It wasn't much, but even a small advantage could swing a fight. The downside was that a Gobbannaen captain always went down with his ship.

All around him, Gryff could feel the other escorts coming up to battle pitch. Dimly, he could sense the dark shape of whatever was speeding through the water towards the little fleet, and even at that he could tell enough not to like the odds. Then there were the last lingering echoes of that dimensional transit, powerful enough in its own right. Pretty damn impressive, given that it was just a side-effect...

Fully in tune with his ship, Captain Gryffydd smiled. "Raise those spaceships," he told his XO. "I've got an idea."

Sir Humphery was quick to pass the go ahead to Crookfur high command and CTG2 (Corps transport group) escorted by MFG4 (main fleet group) was soon on its way with a schedule that should get them to the Kawaiian lands within a couple of days.

The inevitable aftereffect of a subspace jump in such close atmosphere was a deafening sonic boom accompanied by a knockdown gust of wind. Shreet and a huge number of Kawaiians were picked up off their feet and slammed to the ground as the explosive rush emanated from the arrival of the Imperial ships.

"Success, Admiral. All ships present and accounted for, with no side-effects."

Vrigyatha breathed out while the Chief Engineer spoke. Rising to his feet and adjusting his black tunic, he started giving orders.

"Full area scans. Astropaths, link up and begin the First Motion."

Those who had never seen an Imperial ship before looked from the ground to behold five massive black crafts, hanging in the sky, little lights dotting them and the shimmer of shielding units glazing over the hulls like a desert mirage. Within a special armored room in the center of the ship, three minds opened up.

All Imperial ships had one or more Astropaths, special cyborg-psychics that hooked into the advanced subspace and command systems of the ships to give battle, travel, and communication. A product of the secret laboratories on Bibliotecos, the Astropath was a human mind connected to the vast collective system that existed in the multiverse. Each of Vrigyatha's ships had three Astropaths, arranged in their armored sanctuaries in a circle, their heads pointing inward to a spire of nanotech wires and tubes- the aptly named "spine" of the ship's nervous system.

The Astropaths kicked on, calculating billions of items per millisecond, melding with the connections of the ships and scanning the surrounding Kawaiian countryside. The First Motion, part of the Astropathic commands, was the psychic sweep of the area that provided the commanders with their tactical information.

The Astropaths saw the Gobbaneans, the Kawaiian tribespeople and Inquisitor Shreet, and also saw the kaiju. They felt the Grace of Heaven change ever so slightly, tapping into some well of power, and heard the hailing from the Gobannean ships.

"First Motion complete. Battle computers online. We are being hailed- Grace of Heaven, warship of the Gobbanean principalities."

"Range?"

"Twelve dels. We are in range for all weapons."

"Astropathy, communication link."

The Astropaths, their pale eyelids closed and austere half-smiles on their faces, subconciously complied with the order, connecting the two ships together for communication. Black-and-red robed acolytes washed their skin with sponges, murmuring mystic sayings.

"This is Admiral Jeroen Vrigyatha of the Imperial Warship Terengal Dan Rahamap Kuramsadhu Taurav. We are here for Kawaii."

He smirked internally. He hated the long form name of his ship, but it usually worked for impressing foreigners. He hoped the Astropaths could translated everything but the name of the ship- it literally meant "Pillar of Fire from the City of Towers".

"This is Admiral Jeroen Vrigyatha of the Imperial Warship Terengal Dan Rahamap Kuramsadhu Taurav. We are here for Kawaii."
Gryff blinked. He hadn't given any thought to how the spaceships would respond to his hails, and he certainly hadn't expected something quite so... direct.

"Captain Gryffydd ap Huw here. Glad to hear it, Admiral," he replied. "The more, the merrier down here. I'm afraid we've got something incoming from the sea, so I wouldn't want to bet that your rescue operation isn't going to get interrupted." Hopefully Pillar of Fire would prove to be a more auspicious name for a space-going warship than a sea-going one; Gobbannium's Royal Navy had officially retired the name given the disturbing tendency of those ships to turn into pillars of fire.

"Sorry," he said in response to the obvious question, "all we've got at the moment is a sonar fix, but it'll be here before we can clear the coast. If it's like the rest of the monsters around here all we're going to wound is its pride.

"I wouldn't dream of asking you to intervene, and anyway we've got strict orders to avoid combat with the monsters. It seems to upset the Kawaiians, God knows why. I've got something else in mind that you might be willing to help out with.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how soon can one of your ships do whatever it was you did to 'gate' in again? There was a lot of backwash when you arrived, and I think we can harness it to boost us away from here. My fleet Magical Operations officers had a collective heart attack at the thought, but they think we can catch enough of the energy to briefly push the fleet's surface speed way past anything that critter should be able to manage.

"It's going to take us a few minutes to get ready ourselves, but any chance of a shove?"

Gryff blinked. He hadn't given any thought to how the spaceships would respond to his hails, and he certainly hadn't expected something quite so... direct.

"Captain Gryffydd ap Huw here. Glad to hear it, Admiral," he replied. "The more, the merrier down here. I'm afraid we've got something incoming from the sea, so I wouldn't want to bet that your rescue operation isn't going to get interrupted." Hopefully Pillar of Fire would prove to be a more auspicious name for a space-going warship than a sea-going one; Gobbannium's Royal Navy had officially retired the name given the disturbing tendency of those ships to turn into pillars of fire.

"Sorry," he said in response to the obvious question, "all we've got at the moment is a sonar fix, but it'll be here before we can clear the coast. If it's like the rest of the monsters around here all we're going to wound is its pride.

"I wouldn't dream of asking you to intervene, and anyway we've got strict orders to avoid combat with the monsters. It seems to upset the Kawaiians, God knows why. I've got something else in mind that you might be willing to help out with.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how soon can one of your ships do whatever it was you did to 'gate' in again? There was a lot of backwash when you arrived, and I think we can harness it to boost us away from here. My fleet Magical Operations officers had a collective heart attack at the thought, but they think we can catch enough of the energy to briefly push the fleet's surface speed way past anything that critter should be able to manage.

"It's going to take us a few minutes to get ready ourselves, but any chance of a shove?"

The Imperial bridge crew gave a collective blink and stare while the Gobbanean officer spoke. Some junior officers who kept up with the UN affairs as a hobby mentally noted that the stereotypes about the long-winded Gobbaneans were true.

Vrigyatha tried to take all the information in, with the Astropaths translating. He didn't have the neural implants common among military personnel, so it took a bit longer to translate, but he figured he had the gist. He always preferred the direct way of talking to other commanders, especially when language was an issue.

"Captain, it's the Emperor's honor* my meeting you. In the midst of unfamiliar territory, I'm of the regretting that transporting is difficult... but the contactings you provide will give us pause for bearings."

Something didn't seem right with what he was saying, but the Admiral continued anyway.

"Ship one of mine might help you. Thinking we have space and time and room for the operations, by the star's right arm* I think."

Something was definitely not right.

"<Fuck! Astro, figure out why I sound like an adolescent Daanan. All hands, Battle Stations. Captain Tzing, break off to the Gobbaneans and give support- non-lethal, just prevent whatever "it" is from interfering with the mission. All other ships, dispatch transports and make contact with the Inquisitor. Begin operation!>"

Turning back to the comscreen, he sighed.

"Try again. We can't just warp out again, it'll take us at least five hours to prepare another jump. My ship will try to use whatever means we can to slow down the sonar contact and prevent any damage to your ship. We're commencing loading operations now."



_____________
*Two common Imperial idioms.

The bug-eyed kaiju took a sudden jump backward as the exploding Hornet gave it a surprising hotfoot. The jet's fiery demise seemed to have little other effect on the monster, but for a few moments it looked around, somewhat disoriented. It had been a while since the last of the Eternal Kawaii's armed forces had been utterly crushed by its comrades, and since then no man-thing had dared fight back against the minions of Lord Gojira. The kaiju scowled, and looked around for another jet. It wasn't long in finding one. The Hornet's compatriots circled wide and occasionally swooped in fast and low, attempting to draw the creature's attention away from the transports lifting off with their precious human cargo.

So began a curious battle, matching cumbersome, massive power against numbers, swiftness and agility. The kaiju's distortion-attack was repeated but slowly, the monster apparently having to build up energy before unleashing it with devastating force. No aircraft could hope to withstand a direct hit from it. Fortunately, the creature's aim was less than perfect, giving the pilots a fighting chance as they buzzed it repeatedly.


******************************


The Patriarch of the Wood Snake tribe looked at Shreet in utter confusion, the Allech-Atrean translator not being very helpful. "Monkey beacon? The Iron Monkey tribe is off in the hills some 20 miles from here..."

He didn't get a chance to continue this line of questioning, when all of a sudden the sky over his and his people's heads exploded. The sudden appearance of five great objects, larger than any kaiju and floating in mid-air, was enough to send the entire Wood Snake tribe fleeing in terror. It was perhaps fortunate that the sonic boom from the ships' transport had knocked them off their feet, or there wouldn't have been a tribe present for the rescue ships to rescue.


******************************


Meanwhile, onboard the Grace of Heaven, the sonar operator looked at his screen and began swearing some choice Gobbannium oaths. Grabbing his com-mike, he radioed up to the bridge, "Sonar room to Captain! Update on that contact. Still approaching, estimated contact five minutes." He gulped, and added, "Sir, the contact has broken up. I count six, seven...at least eight separate incomings. They appear to be spreading slowly--we're not their only target."


******************************


Meanwhile, in the far more peaceful halls of the NSUN, the Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii took a brief moment to rest and meditate. It had been hours since she had attended to the necessary daily prayers expected of a nekomusume. Though in fairness she was no longer was bound to that regimen now that she was a diplomat and not a shrine maiden, but she found the discipline helpful.

Her spiritual needs attended to, she turned to one of her deputies and said, "The Palentinate missive...they did confirm that they were going by air, correct?"

"Yes, your grace," the older girl replied. "They sent word about a week ago. The Prophet has told the Water Dragon tribe to meet up with the Fire Ox. They have been building an airfield for their own rescue; hopefully we can get two for the price of one."

"Yes, of course," the Nuncia nodded. Communication with her homeland was spotty at best, which was why she was unwittingly directing the Palentinate rescue squadron into a combat zone...

"Video begins."

Somehow the computer managed to sound hectic and hurried. This matched the image that appeared on the screen. Radulf, Faolán, five other wolves, and what appeared to be massive computing power were scouring the planet trying to figure out what was going on. They seemed unaware that the recording was taking place.

"What happened? Why in Existance did they go to the Kennyites?" Radulf half-shouted, genuine confusion on his dog-like face.

"Has anything else happened to do with the Kennyites?" one of the task force members asked.

"Uh... a satellite fell a while ago," another said.

"Did... did they... follow the satellite?" a third asked.

"I don't know why else they'd go to the Kennyites," Faolán said.

"The Titanic tried to pick them up, but they just hid from it, and that ship is easily swayed by massive stupid."

"Perhaps we should... call and ask?"

"Uh... I think we already are," stated one of the geniuses, pointing at the screen. All seven of them turned to look.

"Oh... er... shit." Radulf muttered as the twins hopped around the table and tried to look diplomatic.

"Greetings, Kawaiians. Uh... we were just wondering what's going on," Faolán began.

"Sorry we can't be more specific, but... we don't have a clue."

"If you need... evacuation, the Titanic and our... other forces will be at your disposal."

They stood there blankly for a minute, until one of them touched a key. Thinking they had hit "stop," they turned back to their discussion.

"Is the Titanic repaired?"

"Yes."

"'Other forces?' Is Pacifica ready?"

"Uh... classified, they say, but yes. I hate spooks."

"Uh, mates... what's with the computer system?" The speaker pointed at the screen again.

"Dammit! Must be risidual stupidity from the Kennyites! Why'd they land Titanic here?!" Radulf's fingers flew across his keypad, and the screen went dark.

"Video ends."

Up on the bridge, Gryff unknowingly repeated his sonar operator's oaths. "Make that multiple incomings," he said, rapidly passing the specifics on to the Imperial spaceships.

"Thanks for the support, Admiral, it's much appreciated. Grace of Heaven out."

"Right, that's that plan buggered," he said to his XO once the radio link was closed. "We'll just have to rely on good old-fashioned guile and guts.

"Set a couple of drones off straight out from the coast. With luck those noise-makers will draw a couple of the monsters off. Then tell Mag Ops to go full-out analysis on these beasties. The moment we get visual I want to know what their weaknesses are." If any, he thought sourly.

Turning back to the ship-to-ship comms, the captain raised his little fleet. "We're redeploying between the civvies and the contacts," he told them. "Light of Truth and Rod of Iron will take front line with me, Lack of Gravitas hang back as close escort. We'll have air support from the Imperial spaceship thats... overhead right now. Damn, they're fast. I want to know the second we have all the Kawaiians aboard. And someone tell those bloody dolphins to clear out."

Two MTBs and a destroyer as a front line, and what was most charitably described as a wildcard backing them up. It wasn't a lot, Gryff was all too well aware, but it was all they had to protect the civilians with.

A tense two minutes later, word came back that the cruise ships and cargo haulers were ready. "Get your arses out into open water," Gryff roared. "We don't want to be in this bay any longer that we have to be.

A minute later, while the civilian fleet was still working its way slowly up to full speed...

Contact.

(OOC: damn, and I was looking forward to surfing space-time too :-)

Up on the bridge, Gryff unknowingly repeated his sonar operator's oaths. "Make that multiple incomings," he said, rapidly passing the specifics on to the Imperial spaceships.

"Thanks for the support, Admiral, it's much appreciated. Grace of Heaven out."

"Right, that's that plan buggered," he said to his XO once the radio link was closed. "We'll just have to rely on good old-fashioned guile and guts.

"Set a couple of drones off straight out from the coast. With luck those noise-makers will draw a couple of the monsters off. Then tell Mag Ops to go full-out analysis on these beasties. The moment we get visual I want to know what their weaknesses are." If any, he thought sourly.

Turning back to the ship-to-ship comms, the captain raised his little fleet. "We're redeploying between the civvies and the contacts," he told them. "Light of Truth and Rod of Iron will take front line with me, Lack of Gravitas hang back as close escort. We'll have air support from the Imperial spaceship thats... overhead right now. Damn, they're fast. I want to know the second we have all the Kawaiians aboard. And someone tell those bloody dolphins to clear out."

Two MTBs and a destroyer as a front line, and what was most charitably described as a wildcard backing them up. It wasn't a lot, Gryff was all too well aware, but it was all they had to protect the civilians with.

A tense two minutes later, word came back that the cruise ships and cargo haulers were ready. "Get your arses out into open water," Gryff roared. "We don't want to be in this bay any longer that we have to be.

A minute later, while the civilian fleet was still working its way slowly up to full speed...

Contact.

(OOC: damn, and I was looking forward to surfing space-time too :-)

OOC: You'll get your chance... :)

IC:

"Contacts. Kawaiian tribe-members are fleeing into the hills... have we scared them off, Admiral?"

Jeroen swore loudly. "Get those transports down double-quick. Guard squads, set up active camo generators and secure the area. Scramble light attack craft, set up a perimeter."

"Admiral... Astro is doing something strange..."

Turning to the station, the Admiral checked the flow from the Astropaths... the information didn't make sense... something about kaiju and the Golden Shrine... subspace?

Another shout came up from the comm station.

"Pre-rifts! We've got incoming subspace travelers! Bearing two-thirtytwo-x-five!"

Some short distance between the Gobbaneans and the Imperial fleet the air shimmered and bulged again, and another ship suddenly popped into existence, the usual sonic delay occuring. This ship, unlike the others, was sleek and modern, gleaming bright silver with red banding. A stylized golden sun shimmered on the bridge.

Vrigyatha blinked. "By the Emperor... a metaphile ship!"

The Altanari jets buzzing around the kaiju, like their namesake Hornet, were in a curious situation. Their orders were to distract the creature, and lead it away from the Starlifters if they could. But they were also under orders not to fire upon the beast unless absolutely necessary, as it bothered the Kawaiians. Instead, they fired around the creature, creating distracting explosions, and did their best to dodge its shockwaves.

As the F/A-18 pilots dodged the massive creature, and watched as their fellow pilots who were unfortunate enough to hit a shockwave went spiraling down to fiery deaths, more than a few of them contemplated their friends and family back home. They consoled themselves by remembering that they were giving their lives so that others in need could live, and called upon the same fighting spirit that their ancestors had called upon, back when Altanar was little more than a collection of warring, nomadic tribes, and when one did their best to die with honor.

Meanwhile, the Starlifter transports began the long flight back to Altanar. Medics and Royal Army soldiers quickly and expertly began tending to the needs of the Kawaiians onboard, and tried to keep peoples' spirits up aboard the fairly grim military planes.

Back on the Sword of Olen, the ship's captain listened to the sound of ancient and remembered war cries as his pilots did their duty, and nodded grimly with pride. "What's the status on the transports?" he asked the ship's comm officer. "All but three are off the ground, and the last of them are getting ready to lift off," the comm officer replied. "What about the ground units, sir?"

"Order the ground units to hold the line between the creature and the evac zone, but do not advance or attack unless the creature breaks through the fighters and threatens the transports. Once the transports are all safe, recall the fighters to provide ground cover so we can try to get them out of there. We'll have to take the men onboard and abandon the equipment onsite, we haven't got anything to carry it," Capt. Kasparan said.

"And these signals we picked up, sir?" the comm officer asked, indicating the oceanic disturbances and other ships that had been detected in the area.

"Probably other evacuations. Contact the other ships and check if they need assistance. We'll do what we can to help, but we've got to focus on getting our people out of here right now."

"Understood, sir," the comm officer replied, turning to issue the orders.

---

A message went out to the Gobbannium fleet: "This is the Sword of Olen carrier battle group, Royal Altanari Navy, assisting with the Kawaiian evacuation. Do you require any assistance? Please respond."

The stunned members of the Wood Snake tribe, picking themselves up from the ground, began to resume their flight into the trees surrounding the Allech-Atrean landing zone. A moment later a second sonic boom brought them to a halt. Apparently the growing familiarity with sonic booms and giant floating things was having a sort of calming effect, for their panic seemed to subside, and they stood around now, gawking at the strange floating craft as they were joined by a new arrival.


---------------------------


The Patriarch of the Fire Ox tribe insisted on being the last of his people to board the planes that would carry them away from their homeland. He looked off in the distance, where the Altanarian fighter jets were engaged in their one-sided battle against the bug-eyed minion of Lord Gojira, buying time for his people's escape. He shook his head grimly as he saw one flame out and explode near the monster. Turning to the Altanarian officer directing the last of the refugees and their cargo up the plane's access ramp, he said, "When we leave this place, give me the names of your men who've perished this day. They shall be placed in our tribe's Roll of the Ancestors. Our people shall offer prayers to their spirits as we would our own blood-kin who reside with the Cute One."


---------------------------


"Contact" with the Gobbannium fleet came with a total scrambling of the sonar operator's screen. The one incoming that had become eight began to blur, the individual contacts becoming indistinct as some kind of static grew and blurred the entire field of view. It didn't matter, because visual contact had been made: First one, then a second, giant reptilian head popped up fore and aft of the Grace of Heaven, staring at it with fiery red eyes. They were joined by others surfacing elsewhere in the waters occupied by the Gobbannium war fleet. They waved back in forth in an odd sort of synchronization, as if they were guided by a central purpose or control.

That control became evident a moment later, as a huge boiling swell of water appeared in the middle of the dancing heads. A moment after that the Gobbannium sailors on deck could see the heads' long, snake-like necks were emerging from the bulge in the center. This was a single, impossibly huge creature: Orochi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orochi), the Eight-Headed Dragon-Behemoth, Lieutenant of Lord Gojira.

The Patriarch of the Fire Ox tribe insisted on being the last of his people to board the planes that would carry them away from their homeland. He looked off in the distance, where the Altanarian fighter jets were engaged in their one-sided battle against the bug-eyed minion of Lord Gojira, buying time for his people's escape. He shook his head grimly as he saw one flame out and explode near the monster. Turning to the Altanarian officer directing the last of the refugees and their cargo up the plane's access ramp, he said, "When we leave this place, give me the names of your men who've perished this day. They shall be placed in our tribe's Roll of the Ancestors. Our people shall offer prayers to their spirits as we would our own blood-kin who reside with the Cute One."

The Altanari officer seemed stunned for a moment, then gave a very deep and respectful bow to the Patriarch. "On behalf of those who are giving their lives, and indeed all of us, we thank you for the unprecedented honor you are showing them. Their spirits will indeed be pleased to be honored and accepted by those who they have given their lives defending. It is something that we shall treasure always."

Noting that the planes had finished loading, the officer gave another bow, adding, "If you will accompany us, honorable Patriarch, we will escort you with your tribe to safety."

The flag deck of HCMS Fruitful bow always made Admiral Henrietta Haddignton feel small but she was never sure why, maybe it was the open expanse of the flight deck below or the fact that the assault ship's flag deck was the size of some ships yet still managed to appear crowded as the the fleet's comamnd staff strived to keep the massive formation in good order. Keeping almsot 600 ships organised took a lot of work and the Admiral was happy to let the noise and comotion wash over her. Here she was comander of a battle group equipped to forcibly insert an entire corps of Crookfur ground troops into some poor nation's land, effectively acting as a taxi service for a bunch of cat loving loonies... but not only that, things at thier destiation were getting decidedly strange, what with monsters and flying saucers flying about...


"Eh, Maam..." interupted her exec, shaking her out of her day dream, "what do you think of Cpt Cuthbert's plan?"

"A plan? is that what you call it? no sorry forgive me, i don't mean to sound so dismissive but tell me why am i supposed to give up my collection of 50yr old royal malt, the world's finest single malt, along with half the alcohol in the fleet and load it into the tanks of the sprayign system our VTOLs normall use to spray oil dispersal agents?"

"Well Admiral, the fact is that from everythign we cna gather this form of sea monster we seem to be facing has historically been defeated by getting it drunk and such an approach should go down well with the Kawaiians as we won't really be hurting the deamon..."

Admiral Haddignton, turned back to look out of the flag deck's windows. "just great, " she thought, "not only are we mixed up with mosnters, flying suacers and cat worshiping loons but our sole plan for dealing with a sea mosnter involves getting it pissed..."

"Math's bloody beard," Gryff whispered. "All ships, full tactical speed. Evasive pattern delta three, lay down smoke. Rod of Iron, drop a torpedo to the sea bed beneath it, see if that disconcerts the thing. All we're doing is buying time for the fleet," he finished, "just keep dodging and confusing it."

Grace of Heaven slewed hard to starboard, thick black smoke pouring from her stern screening the civilian ships from Orochi's view. Below the waterline, black dyes were released with the same effect, and for good measure Gryff dropped a couple of mines into the inky soup. Not that he had any illusions about stopping the monster; he could feel the raw power of the creature through his link to the ship. A few minutes, that was all they needed to get the civilians away; but even a few minutes was not something he could guarantee.

"Ceri, get back to the Altanari and tell them to keep the hell away. I don't know what that thing is," he indicated Orochi, who had reared up to ride out the insignificant disturbance of the explosion on the sea bed, "but they don't want to be adding to its lunch."

Then Gryff was busy doing some riding of his own. Orochi had simply slapped back down in the water, and the displacement wave from that alone was enough to toss the smaller Gobbannaen ships around. Gracie's fire-con officers sent a shell whizzing past the nose of the nearest head, keeping it from darting forward towards the MTBs, before they all disappeared into the smoke.

For a moment, Gryff thought the shockwave that washed over them was Orochi's work. But the direction was wrong, and the wake felt like it was all twisted up, and the part of Gryff's mind that wasn't keeping track of Orochi finally recognised it for what it was. "Another spaceship," he said, radar confirming contact seconds later. He smiled wrily. "I wonder if they'll be our friends."

Admiral Haddignton watched the scenes unfolding on the flag bridges tactical display, she didn't like what what she saw. The Gobbannaens were seemingly good sailors who were obviously well practiced at ship handling but things seemed to be about to go a little badly for them unless some way could be found to stop the deamon, or Orochi as Cuthbert inssited on calling it.

The Admiral had cosndier her options, she could nuke it or let her escort battle ships pummle the thing with gun fire but they did have direct orders to avoid harming these" creatures", that left one option, as stupid as it sounded...

Reachign a decision Haddignton turned her exec, "Ok Number 1, let young Mr Cuthbert know his plan is a go and that I want him to run it, we need those rotodynes ready to go ASAP. While I think on it I really should have a converstation with my Gobbannaen counterpart, do see if you cna get me a channel, the least we cna do is give them a heads up on the plan. let me know as soon as you have a link as i now have to go an explain to a very upset Cheif Petty Officer McTennant exactly why i am ordering him to empty my drinks cabinet."

The flight of the Fire Ox tribe on board the Altanarian cargo planes went fairly smoothly. Although few of the Kawaiians had ever been on board an airplane before, they were all quite familiar with public transit, and apparently decided the cavernous aircraft were simply oversized subway cars. Being packed in like sardines was hardly a new experience for them.

There was some disturbance a couple of hours into the flight when prayer-time rolled around and a heated debate arose over what direction Mount Sanrio was in order for the prayers to be performed correctly. Numerous maps were consulted and much polite arguing took place over airspeed and direction. The Altanari captain, thinking quickly, announced on the loudspeaker that, since they were heading towards Altanar from the lands of the Eternal Kawaii, and were taking a great-circle route, it followed that Mount Sanrio (and the rest of the Kawaiians' departed homeland) was in the direction of the plane's tail. That settled the matter quickly, and soon hundreds of Kawaiians were taking turns prostrating themselves on the cargo deck, heads bowed aftward.

"I'm just glad they didn't ask what the local time was," the captain commented to his co-pilot. "I wonder if these people know what time-zones are?"

"They're going to what?" Gryff asked incredulously. Gracie jerked hard to port under his hands as one of Orochi's heads found them in the smoke, not quickly enough to save three sailors on deck who abruptly found themselves monster food.

"They're going to bombard it with booze," his XO said. He managed to keep a straight face for several seconds. "Apparently the legends say that the way to defeat this creature is to get it drunk and then chop it into kibble."

"That has to be the stupidest... check with the Kawaiian Patriarch, maybe he knows. And alert Lack of Gravitas. If the Crookfur ships really are going to do that, they should be able to up the ante a bit.

Technically, Lack of Gravitas was a destroyer. Thanks to her experimental design, she was generally considered a dead loss as a warship. Her forward guns had been sacrificed along with a good deal of manoeuverability in completely reshaping her forward hull. The resulting shape and its carefully chosen enchantments combined to bring the relatively low level of power of Gobbannaen magic up to military grade. Unfortunately a pair of decent guns could still do more damage more quickly and over a longer period than a team of trained military mages.

What she lacked in punch, though, Lack of Gravitas could make up for in flexibility in the hands of a sufficiently sneaky captain. And so happened that Gryff had been through naval college with her senior MagOps officer, whose party trick had been amping up the alcohol content of any bottle anyone cared to throw at him.

With the amplification Lack of Gravitas could give him, Gryff had a sneaking feeling that he was about to find out what a rating of more than 100% ABV would mean in reality...

The sonic boom and the accompanying Imperial ship threw even the admiral for a turn.

"By the Emperor... is that...?" one of the comm officers breathed

Vrigyatha stared, his jaw locked. That ship meant only one thing- that his mission would be getting much more complicated.

"Admiral, private line in for you. Astropathy patching it in on the mindwave."

Vrigyatha's mind went blank for a moment, as the image of a black and red robed man filled his mind.

We require for Those Beyond Knowledge these things...

He snapped to.

"How are the shuttle doing?"

"Down on the ground, meeting up with the Inquisitor. We should be able to load the Kawaiians soon."

"They're quite right, you know," the middle-aged Kawaiian male said to the stunned Gobbanium XO.

The Patriarch of the Earth Tiger tribe had been deep in meditation when the XO radioed the Kawaiian refugee transport. His son, a middle-aged Kawaiian of rather studious bent (he had been a former otaku in the Conclave of Wisdom before its disbandment) took the call. The Kawaiian listened to the XO's relay of Captain Gryffydd's disparaging remarks on Crookfur military strategy before giving his unexpected assent to Admiral Haddignton's plans.

"I'm surprised that these...Crookfurans, you called them?...are familiar with Kawaiian legends," the former otaku continued. "I would think it'd be a pretty obscure subject among foreigners. But they do recall story correctly. It is written in the Tales of Heros and and Demons that the demon Orochi was once defeated by a warrior who tricked it into getting drunk first. It's apparently the creature's only weakness.

"I would say that their strategy is sound. The only hitch I can see is that in the legend, Orochi was made drunk with fine sake. I have no idea how the monster would react to foreign liquor."

As smoke, shells and fine Crookfur spirits flew around the ships engaging Orochi, a strange sight came into view. Eight 'punts', the open-topped amphibious vehicles that had been ferrying Kawaiians to the transport ships earlier, were drifting unmanned on the waves. If anyone had the altitude and inclination to look in, they might have noticed that the cleaned-out interior of each punt held a small ceramic bowl, which in turn contained a generous amount of sake, blood-warm, appropriated from the 'spiritual supplies' of the survivors.

Behind the punts, the odd-looking Lack of Gravitas sat still in the water. Those sensitive to such things couldn't fail to notice the distortions of magical power flowing through her carefully designed frame, reaching out to the little amphibious vehicles. Those watching the bowls would notice the level of sake slowly rise, overflowing the bowls and creeping millimetre by millimetre up the interior.

Behind all this, the civilian Gobbannaen transports still sped for the open ocean, and freedom.

Slowly, the fleet pulled back, until the eight demon-sized cups brimming with sake lay between them and Orochi.

"It'd damn well better be thirsty, that's all I can say."

Fortunately for the Gobbannium fleet, Orochi was thirsty.

The eight-headed sea-monster ceased its attacks upon the Grace of Heaven, the creature's heads weaving this way and that about the Gobbannium flagship as the punts filling with Kawaiian ceremonial sake floated towards it. One by one the heads tilted towards the small boats, sniffing in curiosity, and finally the creature swam fully towards the alcoholic fleet. With a *gronk* of surprise and pleasure, the creature dunked its heads in the boats and began slurping noisily at the potent rice wine.

The Earth Tiger Patriarch (awake now after his "meditation" session) stood by his son and watched the creature calmly in the distance. Without turning aside he said, "You did tell them about the rest of the legend, I hope? About how Orochi acts when drunk?"

The younger Kawaiian coughed slightly and replied in a somewhat embarassed tone, as if discussing something ecchi, "Well, father...I wasn't really sure how to explain it to them..."

Kiinarith Auxiliary Air Fleet Base
Cienegar, Altanar

After many hours of flight, the Starlifter transports began landing with thumps noticeable to the occupants inside. They taxied to a stop near a large air control tower and terminal. Standing outside the terminal was a small collection of Altanari military officers and civilian leaders, along with a small contingent of Royal Army soldiers waiting to assist the evacuees if needed. They waited calmly for the evacuees to begin exiting the planes.

"We lost six pilots during the evacuation. It is an unfortunate loss, but at least their sacrifice was not in vain - we managed to get all the evacuees out," Prime Minister Jaris Krytellin said to an officer standing next to him.

"Indeed, they died with honor - their families should be justifiably proud. I just hope that we can provide a refuge for these people," Air Fleet General Verik Draskanan said, absentmindedly brushing a nonexistent speck of lint from his uniform.

Around the airbase, the vast, grassy steppes of central Altanar stretched out, an occasional lonely tree breaking the horizon. Cienegar was a relatively isolated location, chosen so that the unique culture of the Kawaiians wouldn't be disturbed too much by the rapidly growing Altanari population in the urban areas. The transportation infrastructure in the area was good, though, making it easy to get to either Nalioka or Lukisha, two of the largest cities in Altanar. The recently decommissioned airbase and other government facilities in the region had been a big reason for that. While the Altanari government had built new facilities elsewhere once those had become obsolete, they would prove adequate for civilian use, it was believed.

The columns of Kawaiian refugees streamed slowly out of the transport planes, pulling their belongings along behind them on the makeshift carts they had developed when on the run from the kaiju. A few used more sturdy ones supplied by their Altanarian hosts, but by and large it was a pretty rag-tag group that gathered on the tarmac of the Kiinarith airfield. There was some murmuring in the crowd as they looked out on their new "homeland". The lands of the Eternal Kawaii were full of lush forests and rich green fields, so unlike the dry steppes of Cienegar. More than one face looked at the windswept, treeless plains with dismay.

"Well, this is...bleak...Father," one of the Kawaiians said to the Patriarch. "Are we to make our home in this desert? How?"

"Don't worry, my child," the Patriarch said calmly. If the old man had any misgivings about his hosts' gift, he hid them well. "We shall make this land green."

The Patriarch turned to the head of the Altanarian military delegation waiting for him. He bowed deeply, and said, "On behalf of the Fire Ox clan of the Eternal Kawaii, I thank you for our rescue, and for this grant of land to develop and prosper in. You have my word that we shall be worthy neighbors."

Turning to the crowd of Kawaiians, he said in a bold voice, loud enough to be heard across the tarmac, "Rejoice, people of the Cute One! Our deliverance from Lord Gojira has arrived!"

The cheers from the assembled Kawaiians was deafening. Desert or not, any land free of the kaiju would be a welcome refuge.

Meanwhile, lost among the cheers of the crowd, a group of small feline creatures slipped away from the assembled throng of Kawaiians and Altanarians and headed out into the steppe, quickly disappearing into the grassland. The Sanrio kittens, ever the vigilent watchers over the people of the Eternal Kawaii, settled into this new country to begin their inscrutible purposes anew.

OOC: Sorry about my delays, I've been rather busy.

IC:

The Imperial shuttles began landing, and several officers in robes and uniforms jumped out and began running toward the Inquisitor, waiting.

"Aushedar Shreet, the Fleet is waiting. Where are the Kawaiians? We need to get them into the shuttles as quickly as we can." one tall officer shouted. Gesturing over the hill, Shreet motioned for unarmed soldiers to follow and started to run to the Kawaiian camp.

Above the trees, the Imperial ships hung in orbit, joined by the sleek metal form of a new craft, just arrived out of subspace. Admiral Vrigyatha was still sitting in his chair, mulling over the psychic message he had gotten.

"Commander, we have new orders. Set up a perimeter and prepare to load the Kawaiians... Imperia has sent some organizers to help with the process."

As he spoke, a gleaming sliver of a shuttle descended from the polished craft, gliding down to earth and landing in the circle of Imperial ships. Four red-robed figures appeared from a landing deck, and began to order the officers around. Producing esoteric instruments that glowed with slight green light, they prepared for the Kawaiian arrival.

"Well, they'll find out soon enough," the Patriarch of the Earth Tiger clan said calmly. "May as well stay up and watch; it should be rather amusing."

Orochi finished drinking from the sake-boats, and turned back towards the Grace of Heaven. Its eight heads waved a little unsteadily, and the deck watch could've sworn that one belched.

The creature swam back towards the Gobbannium flagship. This time, though there appeared to be no threat to the deck crew. That didn't rule out threats to the ship itself, which the long necks of the monster were rubbing up against in a quite amorous manner.

Apparently the drunken Orochi had found itself a love-interest.

Having a giant monster nuzzle up to your ship is upsetting at the best of times. When you have tapped into magics that in some senses allow to you feel like you are part of the ship, 'upsetting' doesn't begin to cover it.

"Get the rest of the ships out of here," Captain Gryffydd told his XO, "the civvies will need protection on the open ocean. We'll just have to stay back and distract it." He bit back a groan as one head rubbed along the ship's flank.

"Very distracting," the XO said drily, signalling to the radio operator.

"If you've got any suggestions as to how in Annwn we get out of his one, I'm all ears."

"Having wild drunken sex and sending him out for pizza is traditional."

"Not helping, Ceri." Gryff seriously considered trying to shut down the battle enhancements early, for all the trauma that would cause him. Being effectively felt up by Orochi was that bad. "OK, so we've got it drunk, and now it's taken a shine to Gracie." He twitched as one of the heads wobbled in the general direction of the bridge, what could only be described as a leer plastered across its face.

"If it actually tries anything on, it'll sink us."

"I know that! It moves faster than we can, it's stronger than us, do we have any options other than hoping it falls asleep first?"

"We could always sing it a lullaby," the XO offered sarcastically.

Gryff looked at him. The twitched again as another head nuzzled up to the hull. "Well today seems to be the day for cretinously stupid ideas to work," he said, and picked up the intercom. "Ship's choir to the foredeck. This is a command performance..."

Orochi paused for a moment as the creature spied a troop of sharply-dress uniformed Gobbannians marched up on deck. Fortunately for the ship's choir, the monster's appetite appeared to be sated somewhat with its drunkeness, for none of the four or five heads taking turns rubbing up against the ship's bow and peering into the bridge made any threatening moves towards the men as they took their places. One of the heads made a curious *gronk?* noise as the assembled choir began singing...

Mi sydd fachgen ieuanc ffol...

Slowly, almost reluctantly the sad, quiet notes of Watching the White Wheat wound their way across the foredeck. It told of falling in love with a girl, being loved back, and yet still seeing her marry another. At first the sound faltered -- brave the sailors might be, but facing something that could easily kill them by accident will test the strongest will. Song is something that lives deep within the Gobbannaen soul, however, and soon the rich, close harmonies were telling the story even to those who could not understand the words.

There was no magic, just the music spinning its own web. That was enough, still, for Gryff to feel Gracie herself growing quieter and more sluggish. As the choir switched to Ar hyd y nos with its promise of a quiet night and peaceful sleep, he could only hope that Orochi would succumb to the same stillness.

The columns of Kawaiian refugees streamed slowly out of the transport planes, pulling their belongings along behind them on the makeshift carts they had developed when on the run from the kaiju. A few used more sturdy ones supplied by their Altanarian hosts, but by and large it was a pretty rag-tag group that gathered on the tarmac of the Kiinarith airfield. There was some murmuring in the crowd as they looked out on their new "homeland". The lands of the Eternal Kawaii were full of lush forests and rich green fields, so unlike the dry steppes of Cienegar. More than one face looked at the windswept, treeless plains with dismay.

"Well, this is...bleak...Father," one of the Kawaiians said to the Patriarch. "Are we to make our home in this desert? How?"

"Don't worry, my child," the Patriarch said calmly. If the old man had any misgivings about his hosts' gift, he hid them well. "We shall make this land green."

The Patriarch turned to the head of the Altanarian military delegation waiting for him. He bowed deeply, and said, "On behalf of the Fire Ox clan of the Eternal Kawaii, I thank you for our rescue, and for this grant of land to develop and prosper in. You have my word that we shall be worthy neighbors."

Turning to the crowd of Kawaiians, he said in a bold voice, loud enough to be heard across the tarmac, "Rejoice, people of the Cute One! Our deliverance from Lord Gojira has arrived!"

The cheers from the assembled Kawaiians was deafening. Desert or not, any land free of the kaiju would be a welcome refuge.

Meanwhile, lost among the cheers of the crowd, a group of small feline creatures slipped away from the assembled throng of Kawaiians and Altanarians and headed out into the steppe, quickly disappearing into the grassland. The Sanrio kittens, ever the vigilent watchers over the people of the Eternal Kawaii, settled into this new country to begin their inscrutible purposes anew.

Once the cheering had stopped, Prime Minister Krytellin stepped forward. "We are most honored to provide a place for your people to grow and prosper. We hope this is the beginning of a long and noble friendship between our peoples. If you need any assistance, all you need do is ask us." Krytellin bowed deeply to the Patriarch, and then turned back towards the Altanari delegation.

As the Altanari national anthem played from the loudspeakers attached to the terminal, the Golden Sun banner was lowered from the air base's flagpole for the last time. With a brisk snapping to attention, an honor guard carried the banner to waiting vehicles, which soon departed, leaving a small contingent of unarmed soldiers and civilian personnel to assist the Kawaiians with their needs settling into their new home.

No creature, not even the most powerful sea monster, can resist the combined powers of alcohol and vaguely Celtic-sounding cry-in-your-beer music. Pretty soon Orochi's eight heads were weaving back and forth unsteadily, gronks and whistles escaping from their maws as the creature attempted to sing along with the Gobbannium choir. It was a pretty horrifying din, not the least of which was caused by the fact that no two heads could seem to sing in time (or in tune, for that matter) with each other.

Mercifully, one by one the monster's singing, sighing and sobbing heads slipped beneath the ocean waves, freeing the Grace of Heaven to make her escape.


-----------------------------------------------


With a cheer, the banner of the Fire Ox tribe (red, the color of fire, and bearing the ensign of the Cute One in the quarter and the figure of the Ox in the field) was raised over the former Altanarian airbase. Kawaiian sovereignity, albeit loaned sovereignity, was finally restored.

The assembled crowd of refugees went quickly to work. There was so much to do--homes to be built, a public transportation network to be planned, windmills to be erected, turning Cienegar's ceaseless winds into electricity to power it all. As each day passed, the hard-working Kawaiians continued to amaze their Altanarian partners with their selfless ethic (and almost insane disregard for occupational safety regulations).

First things first, though, and that was to provide a source of income for the new community. It wasn't long before the airfield was completely refurbished and next to it, a bright, glittering casino, welcoming Altanarians and foreigners alike to sample the famed delights of the Kawaiian gambling industry.

It was over a week of steady sailing before the Earth Tiger tribe and the Royal Gobbannaen ships accompanying them sailed up the channel and docked at Isca Portis. There was quite a crowd there to greet them, some of whom had clearly taken the time to find out what Kawaiian flags and banners were supposed to look like. The cheer that went up as the Patriarch set foot on dry land was deafening, and the glare of the flashbulbs almost blinding.

The contingent of politicians waiting for them wasn't small either, but only two stepped forward to greet the Patriarch to the evident jealousy of the others. Dressed in their full formal robes, Prince Rhodri Mawr, Lord of Segontium, and Princess Olwen Bardd, Lady of Isca, bowed in recognition of the Patriarch's station.

Rhodri spoke first. "In the name of High Prince Llywellyn Mawr, Lord of the Throne of Gobbannium, Keeper of the Golden Tree and Master of the Grey Sow, we bid you welcome. The embassy of the Eternal Kawaii has been recognised by treaty, and your right to the ear of the High Prince confirmed by his hand. May peace be the fruits of our speech!"

He paused, then smiled lightly. "And on behalf of the Princes, Senedd and People of Gobbannium, may we say how glad we are to be able to offer help to your people in your time of need. We speak for everyone when we say, 'be welcome!'"

"Be welcome!" the crowd echoed, and cheered wildly as Rhodri and Olwen shook the Patriarch's hand.

Olwen waited for them to quieten before she spoke. "As mistress of this city, it falls to us to tend to your needs at this time." She paused, drew herself up, and launched into fluent Kawaiian.

"Far-flung voyagers, on these gaijin shores
Find comfort for the sorrows you have fled.
Children of the Cute One, oldest to youngest,
Here there is rest for the weary.
Demon-displaced yet faithful followers still,
Let us succour you.

"Spring follows winter,
Waking the oak to new life;
Holly never slept."

There was a ripple of applause; the combination of traditional Gobbannaen and traditional Kawaiian forms was rather highbrow for most of the crowd, but they seemed to approve of the sentiments. Olwen smiled a little in acknowledgement, then drew herself up again.

"Your journey must have fatigued yourself and your entourage," she said, using the formal words of hospitality that had passed around the principalities for over a millennium. "Come, let us share a meal before you journey onwards."

Later there would be the hour-long journey north to the edge of Dinas Gobbannium, the sorting out of the refugees into the temporary buildings that had been erected on their land, and the peace and privacy that came with the official embassy. The lengthy formal ceremonies of presentation to the High Prince after that would be the only time that the Kawaiians would have to come back out into the full glare of publicity. For now, they were fully in the public eye, with the press hanging on their every utterance and that of those closest to them.

Under the circumstances, the best that the Senedd leadership could do was congratulate the Prince they had been trying to get sacked for the last month, and pack him back to the UN before he could manage any more publicity coups.

The procession of Kawaiian refugees walked slowly up the piers where they had disembarked from their long journey to Gobbannium. Many carried their worldly possessions on their backs, others were hauling makeshift carts pieced together from supplies aboardship. As they gathered on the quay, looking around in amazement at the strange foreign city surrounded them, a low murmer set up. Noone had known what to expect at their new "home": howling wilderness was the most popular guess, followed by hordes of barbaric savages. A few optimists ventured that they might be treated with grudging tolerance. After all, what more could one expect from heathen?

However, "cheering crowds of well-wishing onlookers" hadn't even made it as a long-shot entry in the shipboard betting pools. Even worse, cheering crowds who were waving "WE ♥ KAWAIIANS!" flags and snapping photographs. As the Earth Tiger Patriarch and his son walked up towards the assembled Gobbannium dignitaries, the younger Kawaiian whispered, "What on earth are these people doing, Father? Do they think we're some kind of touring zoo attraction?"

"Just smile and wave, my son," the Patriarch said. "The man up ahead", he added, gesturing subtly in the direction of Prince Rhodri, "is our patron. The Nuncia says he's guaranteed us land here."

"I understand, father. But I will not be a performing animal to some heathen audience!"

"Relax, my son. It's all part of the show."

The Patriarch's demeanor, even though his words never made it past his son's ear, nonetheless set the tone for the Kawaiians' reactions. Looking at the crowds of gawking Gobbanniums, partly in awe, partly in fear, and partly in disgust at the tawdry spectacle they were making, the refugees stood quietly, bowing to their hosts and smiling politely, some of the younger ones offering curious waves. Politeness was the rule, after all, no matter how absurd the situation. A murmur of surprise went up at Princess Olwen's attempt at Kawaiian poetry. It drew a round of applause, though more than one Kawaiian cringed at her accent--the delicate, high-pitched formal Kawaiian female speaking voice is not something to be mastered overnight.

The Patriarch stepped up beside Prince Rhodri, smiled once more and bowed deeply to the press corps, the papparazzi cameras at the ready. Clearing his throat, he said, "In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii, may the Cute One be praised. And on behalf of my people of the Earth Tiger," he added, gesturing broadly at the refugees. "I offer you my thanks. Yours are a generous people, to have aided us in our time of need. We can hope only to match your generosity with our good-will.

"I wish in particular to thank your high prince, Llwellyn, and Prince Rhodri beside me. Through these men's good graces the Cute One has worked to deliver us. Any nation would be proud to raise such sons as these."

Through the thundering applause and flash of camera bulbs, noone, probably not even Prince Rhodri himself, noticed the subtle smile the Patriarch directed towards him. One favor deserves another, after all.

Formalities over, the Patriarch, his son and their family bowed politely to Princess Olwen and followed her lead, heading for the official state dinner. I only hope the good lady's knowledge of Kawaiian extends to our dietary law (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Jihi_Code), the sceptical Patriarch's son thought to himself.

The meal... wasn't a total disaster, Princess Olwen thought. Given the amount of hassle the organisation had been, she'd live with that.

Her first thought as hostess had been to just do a slightly larger version of the social dinners that every palace had to throw at least once a year, for the policy speeches if nothing else. That had caused an uproar amongst her legion of secretaries, undersecretaries, political brown-nosers and occasionally sensible advisors, more than she had believed possible even with all her years of holding the Throne of Law and Order. Everyone seemed to want their people in on the act, and no one seemed to be prepared to listen when she pointed out that they were supposed to be feeding hungry refugees. Eventually she had had to put her foot down, throw the lot of them out, and go straight to people she knew could cope with mass hearty catering.

To say the Head Cook of Isca Centralis Secondary Boarding School had been shocked would be an understatement.

Olwen had blissfully thought that little problem solved when her hurried studies of Kawaiian poetry had turned up that little detail about their dietary rituals. That had caused a few more very polite rows with the Head Cook. They had compromised on cooking for lactose-intolerant vegetarians, which everyone could just about get their heads around. Plenty of potatoes, rice, steamed vegetables and do-it-yourself salads (with, to her chagrin, boiled eggs) had duly appeared.

There had been some meat dishes -- that had become unavoidable when Prince Rhodri had presented her with a small pile of salmon he had caught himself -- but she hadn't really expected the Kawaiians to eat any. She'd prepared a very short briefing -- just a single page -- on Gobbannaen slaughter techniques for the Patriarch, but there hadn't been any opportunity to consult with him beforehand, and he really couldn't be expected to approve of their methods sight unseen. She was reasonably confident that Gobbannium rated highly in humane treatment of animals, but the Kawaiians were recognised experts in that field. Besides, she was fairly certain that her royal cousin's idea of humanely killing the fish he'd caught had been to rap them sharply over the head.

There had still been problems on the day. Some of the cooks couldn't seem to cope with not putting pastry crusts on their trays, but at least that had been the meat that the Kawaiians probably weren't going to eat anyway. Traditional heavy Gobbannaen puddings had given way to fruit and jellies for the most part, but nothing on earth could stop school dinner ladies from making at least a gallon of custard unnecessarily. And it had to be said that the rice wasn't so much boiled as exterminated, but at least it was still edible.

On the plus side, the ladies knew how to feed a lot of hungry people quickly. Some of the traditional Gobbannaen fare had gone down quite well too: Olwen had been surprised how quickly they had run out of laverbread (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laverbread) ("collected whenever Nictalis Mons erupts," as the old joke went) once the Kawaiians were assured that it was completely vegetarian.

With that many people to deal with, even the most skilled service in the nation couldn't hope to finish feeding them all before mid-afternoon. Olwen divided her time between wandering between the tables of refugees being generally encouraging and royal, heading off some of the older cooks with more fixed ideas about "feeding up the poor dears," and rescuing the Patriarch and his son from Prince Rhodri's interminable wittering about hunting and foreign affairs.

As the meal drew to a close, Olwen approached the Patriarch more formally. "San," she said quietly, with the slight bow she hoped signified approximate equality, "would you and your people prefer to rest here for the remainder of the day, or travel on to your embassy-village? We can offer you accommodation here if you so desire, though we fear it may be somewhat cramped. Conversely, we believe our royal cousin has ensured that some temporary housing has been erected on your new lands, should you wish to spend the night on land unequivocally yours."

"A number of long huts, honoured elder," Rhodri broke in. He looked over the assembled Kawaiians for a moment. "An even number. They are simple and not greatly pleasing to the eye, but they are shelter from the elements and have the virtue of being easily dismantled once you no longer require them."

Olwen's smile didn't slip, but somehow her pointed heel made its way unobtrusively onto the toe of Rhodri's boot and pressed hard. "We offer you the choice. Both coach and train transport to your embassy-village are convenient and easily summoned whenever you are ready."

(In a high-ceiling office in the city of StEdmund'sPort, on the island of St Edmund...)

Edith Marie de Saint-Colombe, newly appointed as 'FirstThane of OutsideStuff' (or, as some other nations would call the position concerned, 'Foreign Minister') for the Kingdom of St Edmund (http://www.nationstates/st_edmund) now that a governing coalition had finally been formed after the latest elections, looked at the pile of document-cases on her desk and groaned. Her predecessor had managed to keep up to date with regional matters and U.N. policy until handing-over office to her, but had been too busy campaigning for the 'National Conservative' Party to which he belonged -- often in direct competition with her own 'Conservative Centrists' -- to pay much attention to matters any further afield during the last few months.
Wearily, she picked up the next file, and looked at the label pasted onto its front: "The Eternal Kawaii: Demons and Disaster" : Somebody around here needs to develop a sense of proportion, she thought, and began to read...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

(Half an hour later...)

Putting the file down, she turned to one of the five telephones that were arrayed along the desk -- specifically the one that was solely for internal communications within her 'Hall' (i.e. 'Ministry'...), rather than any of those for dealing with people elsewhere -- and left a message for her chief aide.
"Charles, get a full meeting of the Hall's senior staff organised for 10am tomorrow and then contact your counterpart at the Hall of the Fleets, personally, to ask for the attendance of somebody senior from there -- one of the SeaThanes themselves, if possible -- too. Tell anybody who asks that it's about how we should respond to a major humanitarian emergency abroad. If anybody's looking for me later today, and you don't think they could reasonably be put off until after that meeting, then I'm heading over to the Speaker's Hall now and I'll phone in again after seeing him to let you know where I'll be going then..."


_________________________________________________________________

OOC: Sorry that I've taken so long to post in this thread, but I was rather busy for a while and it got displaced from my mind... There seem to be quite a few Clans that would still need new homes, unless they've all been eaten by the monsters by now, so I hope that St Edmundan help -- although it's coming a bit late, compared to some other responses -- will still be welcome...

The ceremonial dinner went better than Princess Olwen had feared. There was a little confusion at the start, when the Kawaiian refugees ignored the elegant silver flatware laid out by the Gobbanniums and instead brought out their own chopsticks and attempted to eat with them. (It took some explaining to convince the Gobbanium waiters that according to their guests' customs, eating utensals were a personal item, not unlike a comb or a toothbrush.) The mostly vegetarian meal was well-received, only the unfortunate incident with the potato salad marring the menu. Surprisingly, Prince Rhodri's gift of salmon was accepted with much cheering and well-wishing to the Prince. The Patriarch, who was no mean fishermen himself, assured Olwen (in between tall tales with Rhodri) that the jihi restrictions on "wild" versus "domestic" meat weren't applicable in this case, since the fish was considered a gift from the Prince. Even the laverbread was a hit, the Kawaiians (once they figured out how to eat it) discovering that it tasted not unlike a popular Kawaiian dish, konnyaku (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Konnyaku).

The only real hitch in the dinner came in mid-course, when as timing would have it the sun was setting. With only the hastiest of apologizes, the Patriarch rose, and to the surprise of his Gobbannium hosts (particulary the musicians) began loudly to announce the Call to Prayer. Everything ground to a halt as the entire group of refugees stopped eating and rose to their feet. A murmur rose from them as the Patriarch withdrew a compass and consulted his son. Nodding, he stretched out his hand, pointing a finger in what to the Gobbanniums was a random direction. It was hardly random to the Kawaiians, who immediately knelt and began supplicating, lowering their heads to the floor, bowing to the direction of their homeland and Mount Sanrio in its midst. The Patriarch began reciting the appropriate prayers for the occasion, trying to keep the service as short as decently possible, while the Gobbanniums figited, watching in curiousity while the soup cooled.

With material, spiritual, and ceremonial duties taken care of, the Patriarch spoke with the Prince and Princess. Nodding as she explained their offer, he said, "We are honored to accept your offer of lodgings, Your Highness, but I expect our people will be wanting to see their new home as soon as possible. If it wouldn't be too much of a bother to send a train around to take us there, we'd be most grateful. I expect there'll be much work for us to do in the morning."

A letter is delivered to the Nuncia's office, taken there in person by Aphra Daniels who is 'Chief Cnicht' (i.e. 'First Secretary') of the St Edmundan Antarctic's mission to the UN _

Solemn Greetings,

Our governments have now been made aware of the terrible disaster that struck your nation earlier this year, and of the plight that currently faces your people, and have been so moved by these reports that they wish to offer you the following aid...
Our nations belong to a grouping called the 'Conservative Paradise Alliance', and Godwinnian navigators recently opened-up a previously uninhabited Earth on which the Alliance's members could all establish colonies if they so chose. There are still several areas of considerable size on that Earth that remain unclaimed by any current member of the CPA and, with the consent of the Alliance's other leading nations, we are offering one of those areas to your nation as a new home for at least one -- and quite possibly many -- of your people's Clans. (Please see attached map.)
If you find this offer acceptable then we will send an expedition to collect whatever groups of your people your government selects as settlers for the territory concerned and transport them there. Orders have been sent for a fleet to be assembled for this purpose at Jade Harbour, in the New Godwinnian Isles which are the portion of our Commonwealth that is located closest to your ancient homeland, and several task-forces had already begun constructing suitable infrastructure for colonies at suitable points in the designated territories anyway.
These lands and their surrounding waters would be recognised by our nations and our allies as fully a part of your own nation, if you do accept this offer, and whatever administration you might choose to install there would be entitled to full membership in our Alliance's councils.
Please let us know whether you are interested in this offer, as quickly as possible, so that if you are willing to accept our help we will be able to rescue your people as quickly as possible. Also, please let us know how likely you think the people to be transported would be to make part of their journey through 'portals' -- similar in their basic nature to those that the NSUN supplies for embassy staffs' travel to & from home -- as we are currently thinking in terms of using this method for moving them from their places of shelter out to the vessels of our fleet.


Yours in sorrow for the past, and hope for the future,

Simon Reeve,
Speaker of the Witan,
Kingdom of Godwinnia

Gytha Haroldsson,
Speaker of the Witan,
Kingdom of St Edmund

Edward Haroldsson,
High Alderman,
Protectorate of the St Edmundan Antarctic


The attached map covers the eastern half of the continent that's known in the world of 'RL' -- and on several other Earths too -- as Asia, and some of the islands to its south & easts. The area there that's marked off as currently available for Kawaiian settlement consists of all the lands that are known in RL as Burma/Myanmar, Thailand (apart from its southern tip, i.e. the area closest to Malaya), Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, and some parts of southern China (basically the row of provinces from Yunnan across to the one that contains Canton, inclusively, with Macao thrown in... but with Hong Kong excluded, because that site is being saved as a base for the Alliance's navy...).

In the NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii, the young Nuncia puzzled over the missive from St. Edmund Antarctic.

"Have you any idea what he's talking about here?" she asked of her deputies, pointing to a passage in the letter. "Here. 'recently opened up a previously uninhabited Earth'? At one point it sounds like he's talking about a housing development, the next he's talking global exploration."

The deputy figited with her ceremonial nekomimi cap and said, "I'm not sure, your grace. He refers to the NSUN building portals, perhaps he means..."

The Nuncia looked at her sharply, and interrupted, saying, "The Prophet has forbidden us to speak of that, you know. Not even here--especially not here, actually. Gnomes' ears are everywhere."

The nekomusume blushed with embarassment and bowed deeply, saying, "Forgive me, your grace. I wasn't thinking."

"Don't worry." The Nuncia looked over the attached map with some surprise. "They must be generous, these Antarcticans. This territory is greater even than our homeland." She examined the map closer and added, "Jungle...curious. Why would an Antarctic nation colonize jungle?"

"Perhaps that's why they're offering it, your grace?" the deputy suggested. "It could be a white elephant of sorts that they're trying to ditch. Maybe it's full of kaiju, or plague, or some other evil?"

The Nuncia put her fingers to her temples and rubbed them. She sighed and said, "I'm not sure we can turn this down, no matter how awkward the journey to it may be. The Prophet has told me we're behind schedule. I'm supposed to find a home for the Fire Horse Tribe within the week."

Brightening, she concluded, "Well, if you're right and it is an infested land, at least there's plenty of unoccupied terrority that could be made into a no-man's land for protection. Give our Shirt Ninja something to do."

The Nuncia stood and faced her deputy. "Give this message to 'Chief Cnicht' Daniels: In the name of the Eternal Kawaii, may the Cute One be praised. It is with gratitude that we accept your offer for resettlement in the newly-opened CPA lands. Know that the Fire Horse tribe will be ready for passage by ship as soon as your fleet from Jade Harbor can arrive in Sanrio Bay."

Pausing for a second, she added, "In case you are alarmed by the reports coming out of Gobbannium, I can assure you that the ocean passage should remain peaceable. Our people are working day and night brewing sake for the journey."

The combined Godwinnian and St Edmundan fleets have raised anchor and left Jade Harbour, and are now moving -- at more than the normal 'cruising speed', but less than maximum speed (because of the strain that the latter would place on their engines) -- towards the waters off of The Eternal Kawaii.
Aboard each squadron's flagship, in a shielded chamber adjacent to its Combat Command Centre, a trio of diviners sits and swings silver pendulums over maps of the area around their destination: This should, at least in theory, pinpoint the locations of the 'kaiju' adequately BEFORE the fleets enter the ranges of those beings' own senses and thus (hopefully) make it possible to evade them during the run in towards Sanrio Bay...

________________________________________________________________________


(The time is 9am, by ‘St Edmundan Standard Time’, about three days after those fleets set sail.
The place is a conference room in the ‘OutsideStuff-Hall’, in StEdmundsPort…)


Edith Marie de Saint-Colombe looked at the other people who had just taken seats around the table at whose head she sat.
“Welcome”, she greeted them. “For those of you who do not already know me, I am Madame de Saint-Colombe, the new ‘FirstThane for OutsideStuff’ of St Edmund and the person who has been charged by our combined governments with primary responsibility for managing the mission to rescue as many as possible of the Kawaiians and help them to settle on ‘Earth-Paradise’. I am glad to see that everybody who was called to this meeting has managed to get here on time, despite the distances that some of you had to cover in order to do so. As this is our committee’s first meeting I will open it by introducing each of you in turn to your assembled colleagues, and ask you to give them a brief summary of your department’s actions in this matter so far.”
She turned and pointed at a man sitting to her immediate left, was wearing naval uniform, who appeared to be primarily of northern/western European ancestry and to be aged in his late fifties or early sixties:
“Firstly, we have here High FleetThane Roderick Alfwardsson of the Godwinnian Kinglish Warfleet: FleetThane?”

“Madame FirstThane.” He nodded in acknowledgement of the introduction, and then addressed the meeting as a whole.
“Thanes and Ladies, by orders from the Commonwealth Highmoot of Warding I have been placed in overall command of the forces deployed for the actual rescue-mission and for its protection — if necessary — against the monsters that now plague the lands of The Eternal Kawaii. For this purpose they have given me control of those elements of the Godwinnian Fifth Fleet that are currently home-ported at Jade Harbour, and the rest of the NGIs’ garrison; the entirety of the Godwinnian Third Fleet, which was moved through to that Earth as a precautionary measure when news of the monsters first broke, and the St Edmundan ‘East Specific Ocean’ Fleet that was there on joint exercises with the 3rd when this mission was ordered; three carrier-groups supplied by St Edmund Air; a half-dozen squadrons of the Commonwealth OuterlandsStuff-Hall’s ‘FolkWandering’-class colonial transports, with associated supporting craft; and an assortment of additional vessels of various types that have been taken up from civilian use specifically for use in this one mission.
The bulk of these forces sailed from Jade Harbour on Monday morning, under the operational command of FleetThane Sigismund Hammerman of the Fifth Fleet until I fly out to join them tomorrow, and are now heading towards Kawaiian waters: If all goes as planned then we expect them to reach a point 36 leagues out from Sanrio Bay, the target area, in approximately three more days time. Our current plans call for the colonial transports and most of the larger warships to remain at a fair distance from the coast, in the hope — which most of the scholars whom the Warfleets-Hall has consulted about it say seems reasonable — that as the monsters were apparently sent as a curse upon the people of ‘The Eternal Kawaii’ they are unlikely to be roaming very far away from that land’s shores… although it seems possible that they might try pursuing the rescue mission after it has uplifted the refugees, which is why we’re sending such a large escorting force along with the transports.
The actual uplifting from the coast will be carried out using landing-barges and other relatively small vessels, escorted only by light warcraft, in the hope that this will be far less likely than the full fleet would be to attract monstrous attention, but with the main force’s ships holding ready to advance and give more aid if that proves necessary.
Some alterations are being made to certain of the ships involved, to make them more suitable for this mission, during the actual voyage.
We have re-deployed several of our observation satellites that were already in orbits around that Earth from their previous tasks to monitor the areas in which this task-force will be operating, and have just launched two additional ones from ‘Armstrong Base’ in the NGI specifically for this purpose as well. Further intelligence-gathering is also underway using classified means whose nature I have not yet been cleared to disclose here.
That concludes my initial report.”


"Very good", Edith de Saint-Colombe responded. "Now, next, we have Aphra Daniels who is Chief Cnicht of the St Edmundan Antarctic's mission at the U.N." She pointed at the next person clockwise around the table, sitting at the FleetThane's left, who was a fortyish-looking woman and apparently of mixed African & European ancestry. Her clothes were civilian ones, of quite a fashionable style but rather rumpled as if they'd just been worn during a fairly long journey.

"Madame FirstThane, Thanes and Ladies," Aphra began, "I have been handling the actual negotiations about this matter with the Kawaiians' government-in-exile. There have been a few points along the way when cultural differences caused temporary misunderstandings, but they have definitely agreed to accept our aid and will have refugees waiting for collection at Sanrio Bay when the fleet arrives there. At present, it seems, they are worried about putting too many of their eggs in one basket and so plan on sending only one of their tribes to the lands that we have allocated for their resettlement. I think that we have managed to allay the Kawaiians' concerns about how these refugees would be able to remain in contact with the rest of their Folk, and vice-versa, after the relocation...
Those of the missions' staff who were assigned to help me with this matter have collated what information we could obtain or develop about dealing with Kawaiians, and that -- along with more details of the negotiations -- is in these files."
She lifted a bundle of folders out of her briefcase, and passed them around the table.
"That concludes my initial report."

"Charles Alaric Angmering, a Senior Cnicht of this Hall, assigned by me to handle communications about this matter with our Alliance's other members..." Edith indicated the man sitting beyond Aphra Daniels, who also looked about forty years old and was also clearly of mixed ancestry but was rather lighter-skinned than her.

"Madame FirstThane, Thanes and Ladies. As you will all have been told before this meeting, the Alliance's collective leadership and those of the other 'Elder Members' that still remain amongst us have formally agreed with our offer of quite wide lands on 'Earth-Paradise' to the Kawaiians. Our enquiries about whether any other nations might be willing to provide the Commonwealth with actual assistance in the rescue and re-settlement projects have, however, been less successful so far: The government of Androssia sent us this message..." He paused in his speech, and handed several photocopies of a letter to the person sitting at his right, with a gesture indicating that they should take one for themselves and then pass the rest onwards: Stripped of the usual salutations and signatures, this message said that _
While we truly do sympathize with the distressed Kawaiians, we are hesitant to offer aid to them, as it may incur the wrath of the Kawaiian deity. These disasters would appear to be happening as a result of the impiety of the Kawaiian people. Rather than interfering with the wisdom of that deity in its decision to punish the Kawaiians, I recommend a more suitable course of action, considering the circumstances - a week of prayer and fasting during the daytime hours on behalf of the Kawaiian people has been announced by Androssia's government. May the Kawaiian deity have mercy and hear our pleas!
“The governments of The Genoshan Isles and of South-Eastern Europe also expressed some concern about the risk that intervention might attract supernatural displeasure, but offered to provide help with assistance towards the costs of the re-settlement.
However, considering the recent political turmoil in Androssia, and the revelation that South-Eastern Europe’s government was apparently backing the treasonable conspiracy that tried rigging the elections, it now seems unlikely that either of those nations will actually be in a position to render much aid for a while…and none of our other neighbours have offered any practical assistance at all, either, so that effectively we’re on our own.” He folded his arms in front of him, obviously finished.

“Eric Ireland, a Cnicht from the ‘OuterlandsStuff-Hall’.” (Another man in his forties, red-haired and generally European-looking, but dressed in a 'safari suit' and field boots rather than in anything more formal...)

"Madame FirstThane, Thanes and Ladies. The heads of my Hall placed me in charge of preparing the lands in south-eastern Asia for Kawaiian settlement, and I have just returned from inspecting progress there. All seems to be going well, so far, although of course we could have done with a lot more time for getting things right. The three members of my staff whom you see here" (He gestured at the trio of individuals filling the next three chairs around the table...) "will now provide you with more detailed reports on their sections' particular aspects of the mission."

"I am Pelagius Robinson, project-leader for the 'Precolonial Engineering' section assigned to this mission," said the man sitting next to Eric. "My teams had already been installing ports and associated facilities at several sites around those lands, because it seemed likely that they'd be needed for somebody sooner or later, for almost three months before the idea of inviting the Kawaiians to settle there was raised. Since the latter date we've been concentrating our efforts on three sites -- here, here, and here" (he held up a map of the area, and indicated locations corresponding to the RL cities of Canton, Da-Nang and Bangkok...) -- to provide initial arrival-points for the refugees. Now that we've been informed that there will probably only be a single tribe arriving, rather than several of them as was previously thought possible, I'd suggest putting as much as possible of what more we can do before they get there into developing just one of those ports... and, given what I've heard about the Kawaiians' dislike of extensive contact with outsiders, I'd recommend making that the middle one of the three because that's the furthest of them from any Alliance nation's existing land-claims..."
He looked towards the FirstThane, with a questioning expression on his face, as he uttered that last sentence. Edith thought quickly, and -- after only a few seconds -- nodded her agreement.
"That definitely makes sense," she said, "and obviously the revised arrangements should be made as quickly as possible. Go back there now, to put them in train, and I'll have any extra information that seems relevant sent after you." (She paused...) "Unless your immediate superior here objects, of course: Eric?"
"No problems, it is the obvious solution and Pel will need to get back as soon as possible to get the changes running smoothly", the Cnicht replied.

(There was a brief break in the discussion, while the departing engineer collected the briefing materials that some of the other people present waved in his direction, during which Edith phoned the docks to put her ministerial transport temporarily at his disposal in order to speed his journey.)

Once the door had close behind Pelagius Robinson, and everybody else had re-taken their seats, the next person around the table -- a fairly young-looking woman, apparently of East Asian stock, who was also wearing a 'safari suit' and field boots -- looked at her notes for a moment and then, at a gestured command from the FirstThane, began to speak:

"I am Lucy Smith, project-leader for the 'Environmental Assessment' section. We've been studying the area concerned for over a year now, and haven't found any major differences between it and the usual pattern for equivalent areas on the other Earths that our peoples' have explored. The geomorphology, coastlines and watercourses are all pretty much as expected, within the normal range of variations for Earths without a long-term sapient presence: This means that, although we haven't actually done much prospecting yet, we should be able to tell the settlers where the most worthwhile mineral resources are...
We haven't seen any pre-existing settlements at all, whether in use or ruined. The absence of native humans everywhere else on that Earth strongly suggests that there aren't likely to be any humans, or any kind of less-advanced hominids, living as hunter-gathererers in the jungles there either. There are Orang-Utans present, as one would expect, but those all seem to belong to the standard pre-sapient type. One of our teams reported finding some recent footprints last week that they think could have been left by members of a Gigantopithecus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gigantopithecus) species, either G. blacki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gigantopithecus_blacki) or a more recent replacement, but even if they're right about that then the beings in question must be very scarce and are unlikely to be any more intelligent than their arboreal cousins...
I suppose the Kawaiians might be worried about dangerous species, after the trouble that they've been through. Well, all that we've seen around -- again -- are the ones that you'd expect in such an area: The main predators are Tiger, Leopard, several sorts of Bears, and of course some Crocodillians species in the water... There might be some Wolves in the northern edges of the area, too, but the largest type of 'canid' present across most of those lands is the Red Dog and although that might attack domestic livestock it generally isn't a threat to people. Some of the larger herbivores could potentially be a problem too, but probably only if they were provoked: Elephant, Rhinoceroses, various types of Wild Ox and Wild Pigs, well, you know what they're like... and hopefully the Kawaiians already do, as well. Oh, and of course there's the usual quota of poisonous snakes and assorted nasty invertebrates for places in the tropics...
I've got more details of our studies here" (She waved at a stack of files that she'd placed on the table during the break...) but that concludes the spoken portion of my basic report.
Unless anybody would like to see some slides of tropical butterflies?" (She looked around, hopefully, but received no response except for some raised eyebrows and a negative shake of the FirstThane's head) "No? Oh well, I didn't think so... Okay Thomas, over to you..."

The man sitting to her left, a nondescript-looking fellow who was probably of mixed European & African stock and was wearing a formal suit as though that was something he didn't do very often, straightened in his seat.
"I am Thomas Gyrthsson, project-head for the Colonial Construction Corps teams assigned to this mission. We had already begun creating new towns in conjunction with Precolonial's three main sites for ports when this change of use was announced, and..."

(And so the meeting continued, with several more people giving their reports initial before a break for refreshments and then a questions-and-answers session... until, finally...)

"Thank you all for your contributions," Edith said. "I am satisfied that this project is being carried out to the best of our Alliance's capabilities involved, bearing in mind the rather short notice involved, and will send a letter to the Kawaiian leadership giving them a summary of the preparations that are being made for their people's rescue and subsequent arrival on Earth-Paradise. Aphra, Charles, please return to this room after lunch to help compile that report: the rest of you may go about your duties..."


_________________________________________________________________________

And the fleet sailed onwards...

(I really meant to do more today, but got sidetracked by other matters both inside & outside of NS. I'll be back here on Monday, when the task-force will be arriving at the point off the Kawaiian coast where it's been planned that the main fleet will stay during the rescue...)


________________________________________________________________________

OOC Notes

> 'OutsideStuff-Hall' = 'Foreign Ministry'.
> ‘High FleetThane’ = a senior grade of Admiral.
> ‘Kinglish Warfleet’ = ‘Royal Navy’.
> ‘Commonwealth Highmoot for Warding’ = the combined “Chiefs-of-Staff Committee’ for Godwinnia, St Edmund, St Edmund Air, and all the other members of the Godwinnian Commonwealth.
> ‘OuterlandsStuff-Hall’ = ‘Ministry for the Colonies’.
> ‘Warfleets-Hall’ = ‘Navy Ministry’.

It took a little while for the Kennyites to realize what was transpiring (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=12661499#post12661499) in the waters outside their own capital city, but once the proper authorities had been alerted tot he situation, it was met with the usual level of hysteria. At NSUN Headquarters one dreadful May morning, an unwilling accomplice to the Federal Republic's impending reaction had been receiving an earful about the baffling events from his immediate superior at the Department of State. As he held the telephone to his ear, squawking reports of "the Kawaiian incursion" and "inexplicable allied (http://z11.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Oasis/index.php?showtopic=158) involvement" could be heard from the other end.

"What does this mean to me, sir?" Sammy asked the voice. "Uh-huh ... what? ... well, that doesn't ... her?! ... no, you can't be ... so that's why I'm being bothered ... yeah ... yeah ... she's right here, actually ... you want me to tell her right now? ... yeah ... OK ... good to hear from you too ... yeah, bye." <click>

"That was Secretary Tehrani," the ambassador announced as he hung up. "He's concerned, as am I, about the situation in Paradise Bay, and believes an appropriate reaction from this government is necessary to prevent an unwanted international incident. And for some reason," Sammy added with a note of disdain, "the secretary wants you to play a role in our response."

The woman standing over his desk met his words with a look of scorn. "So, you need a scapegoat to blame your ineptitude on, eh?" she demanded. "How surprising that you chose the black woman! So typical of you and the racist government you represent!"

"Racist government?! But the president and vice president are Hispanic, the secretary of state's Muslim ..."

"And that's why they've decided to set up the black lady as the pawn in this little scheme?" the woman demanded.

"Little scheme?!" Sammy was aghast. "Look, all we want to do is go across the hall and take these papers to the Nuncia." He held out a folder.

"Look, white boy, I'll do your little song and dance for you, but I'm gonna do it my way!" the woman sang proudly. "And there ain't nothing you can do about it!" With that she snatched the papers and headed for the door.

"But I'm not even--"

The door slammed.

"--white ..."

Moments later, loud knocking could be heard at the Nuncia's office; the door opened before the girl could get up. The Kennyite stormed into the office and slapped her papers onto the young Nuncia's desk.

"I'm Shirley Jackson, and I'm here to discuss the Kawaiian refugees who have landed in our harbor," the envoy said loudly. "What?! Why are you staring at me like that? You ain't never seen a black woman before?! You don't think a black woman can possibly treat with you? Are you a racist?! Are you a racist?! 'Cause if you got a problem with me, we can take it outside right now!!"

The Nuncia took a break from glaring at the awful woman to have a glance at the documents she'd just tossed her. Across the top of the first one were the words: "LETTERS OF CREDENCE for SHIRLEY JACKSON, AMBASSADOR EXTRAORDINARY and PLENIPOTENTIARY from the FEDERAL REPUBLIC of OMIGODTHEYKILLEDKENNY to the DIASPORA CHURCH of THE ETERNAL KAWAII."

Kawaiians are, racially, of anime stock. That is to say, they resemble Caucasians in their youth and age (usually) gracefully into Oriental features. Their skin tone can range from Snow White pale to sun-kissed brown, but few folks remark upon that. What is truly remarkable about the anime race is the hair, which comes in an unimaginably wide range of styles and colors, most of which are not found elsewhere in nature. The Nuncia's, for example, was a charming if slightly unnerving shade of neon-pink, which set off her medium fair complexion quite well according to the standards of her people.

So, it was with considerable confusion that the young Nuncia sat at her desk, staring at the highly agitated, dark-complexioned woman (with a truly marvelous hairdo--the Nuncia made a mental note to ask about her stylist later on) who seemed to be screaming something about "racism" at her. Since Kawaiians consider themselves racially uniform, the woman's words made little sense. Fortunately for the Nuncia's confusion, she glanced down at the sheets of paper that had been tossed uncivilly before her. The opening page cleared matters up completely. The woman was a Kennyite.

Standing, the Nuncia bowed politely, making another mental note to chastise the Happiness Police Nunciate guard. They were obviously in need of a refresher course on dealing with Kennyites. She said calmly, "Welcome, Your Excellency. We've been expecting you."

Those last words were not quite a lie, the Nuncia thought to herself. Although 'dreaded' would probably be more accurate.

It had been a few days since the Nuncia's run-in with the unpleasant Kennyite ambassador, and indeed, it hadn't been a very pleasant experience for Ambassador Jackson either, for the Nuncia had not said or done anything to give her an excuse to assault her for being a racist or sexist. In fact, the young Kawaiian professed to be happy to see her. Or maybe, not exactly unhappy. All in all, a terrible disappointment for the newest member of the OMGTKK Diplomatic Service. Once the two women had concluded there was nothing much to talk about -- if they weren't going to come to any violent disagreement about anything, that is -- Jackson quietly slipped out and retreated to the ladies' room down the hall, where the State Department had been kind enough to construct an embassy office for her. She had been assured her Verizon Wireless would not go to waste there, however, for there would be plenty of opportunities to provoke indignant women customers none too pleased to discover a strange lady behind a desk watching them do their business in the loo.

Alas, that would not be the extent of the Nuncia's involvement with the Kennyites that week, for just as the Secretariat was announcing the Funding Act's reaching quorum [OOC: this is back in May, remember], her phone rang. It was Alex Tehrani.

"Nuncia!" the secretary cordially greeted the teenage diplomat. "I'm so glad I got a hold of you! I must say, the reports of your people's landing in Paradise Bay did raise alarm bells at first, but after we were able to assess the situation and conclude that the presence of the Kawaiians posed no threat, we went right to work on putting together an offer to present to you. We are prepared to give your people asylum in the Kenny Memorial District [OOC: the federal district in which Paradise City is located], and categorize them as 'political refugees.' We can only assume, your being an insane nuke-hungry theocracy and all, they are fleeing some wretched persecution -- but even if not, the status will help expedite their processing. Keep in mind, of course, that anyone applying for asylum must undergo a background check, to make sure they are not wanted for any crimes in other nations, that they are not transporting unweanted or illegal goods or substances into the nation, and that they are not connected with any, uhh, organizations that, er, let's just say, are responsible for some of our city's disorder.

"We have several corporate sponsors all lined up to build substantial accommodations for the Wood Rat tribe, in an historic part of the city known as 'the Fortress.' We feel you will find the physical barrier between yourselves and your Kennyite hosts most acceptable -- and the natural protection from certain, er, 'unwholesome' influences, and, well, all the daily terrors and tumult of Paradise City, to meet with your approval as well. We are also prepared to negotiate the conditions by which your people can worship and carry on their daily lives free from government intrusion. Remember, the Federal Republic holds the doctrine of freedom of religion sacrosanct, and will endeavor not to interfere unnecessarily with your people's right to worship, provided that no lives are in danger and no persons' rights to personal safety are being violated. Your community will require policing, however, but I'm sure the local constabularies will be willing to negotiate with your tribal leaders to assure respect for local ordinances and the laws of the Federal Republic, while maintaining an appropriate level of sensitivity for your unique culture.

"Do you have any questions? ..."


Meanwhile, in the cargo hold of one the Wagdoggian vessels ...

Everything seemed secure when the ship officer came down for a routine check, but just as he was about to turn out the weak lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling, he heard a rustling from a dark and dusty corner. Naturally he approached the source of the noise, to find a suspicious figure quickly moving between the wooden crates and boxes and finally darting behind a small stone statue of the Cute One. The officer immediately pulled out his weapon, but just as he did so, the man he was tracking embraced the statue from behind to shield himself. However, from the angle at which the officer was observing the scene, it did not look very good.

"Stop right there!" he cried in disgust.

"Am I under arrest?" the man asked.

"No," shuddered the officer. "I just need a moment to throw up! Dear Cute One!"

...

Minutes later, the officer and the anything-but-a-gentleman were on the bridge, the former escorting the latter. "Captain, I have secured a stowaway I found on board."

"Oh?" asked the captain curiously. "Where did you find him?"

"In a cargo hold, making love to a statue of the Cute One, sir."

The disheveled thirtysomething, a balding, scraggly haired man in a filthy, rumpled suit, struggled against the officer's grip. "That's a lie!" he shouted angrily. "I was merely looking to the Cute One for support! I am, after all, the Emperor of Her people!"

These words did not unnerve or alarm the captain at all, however. "Ah," he said plainly. "You must be Jack Riley."

The young Nuncia sat listening on the phone, her jaw dropping slightly with each passing moment.

"They're where?

"Paradise City Bay? Since when?

"You're offering what?

"Pardon me, Your Excellency...may I get back in touch with you? In a few minutes, yes. Yes? Thank you, Your Excellency."

The Nuncia hung up the phone, and turned to look at her deputy. The pink-haired girl's face had turned several shades of pale as she announced, "The Wolf Guardians were correct--the Wood Rat tribe is in Paradise City."

The Nuncia had been very sceptical of the reports coming from the Wolf Guardians regarding their "spaceship" Titanic's encounter with the Wood Rat tribe. Radulf's half-garbled message (apparently his own "spaceship" thing he had called from was experiencing some kind of malfunction) talked about another, apparently half-mad machine attempting to "rescue" the Wood Rats from Kennyite waters. The notion that Kawaiians would deliberately sail into the heart of the Antarctic Oasis, home of their despised enemies, was so absurd that it was far easier to believe that the whole thing was the result of the Wolf Guardians' apparently faulty communications.

But apparently their message was correct, after all. The entire Wood Rat tribe was just offshore Paradise City, and here was the Kennyite Secretary of State offering them political asylum.

"I thought we had agreed with the Wagdoggians to allow the Wood Rats to settle there, your grace?" her deputy said, recalling the previous months' flurry of diplomatic missives that had gone back and forth.

"Yes, and they had to back out at the last moment because of some war or something," the Nuncia replied. "To be honest, I was hoping the Wood Rats would've found sanctuary on their own, but with Kennyites?"

"You can't actually be contemplating accepting their offer, can you, your grace?" her deputy asked in shock. "They're nothing but a bunch of violent anarchists! Their word can't be trusted!"

The Nuncia was apparently lost in thought. It didn't appear that she had heard her deputy's words, for after a moment she said, "Could you repeat that?"

"Their word can't be trusted, your grace."

"No, the part before."

"...they're violent anarchists?"

The Nuncia beamed. "Yes. They're anarchists. That means they have no laws, right?"

"Well...none that they actually respect, I suppose, your grace..."

"But none that they can point to and persecute Kawaiians for, am I correct?"

The deputy was nonplussed. For all the faults Kennyites had--impiety, boorishness, sexual depravity, violence, and all-around bad manners--one charge that couldn't be leveled against them was bigotry. They were far too busy beating each other up to form a united front against foreigners. Even their dastardly sneak-attack upon the Eternal Kawaii had been done under a pretext of "protecting the world from radicals with WMD", not out of any cultural grudge.

The deputy shook her head, saying, "But what about the 'can't be trusted' part, your grace?"

"My uncle the Prophet dealt with Kennyites when he was sitting behind this desk," the Nuncia said confidently. "He told me once that they can't be trusted, but they can be bribed.

"Send a message back to Secretary Tehrani," she concluded:

"In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii, may the Cute One be praised. Your Excellency, it is with gratitude that we accept your offer of asylum for the Wood Rat tribe of the Eternal Kawaii, and your offer of resettlement within the Kenny Memorial District. Under the authority of the Patriarch of the Wood Rat tribe, any Kennyite firm wishing to do business with Kawaiians may do so freely. We look forward to a fruitful business relationship with citizens of the Federal Republic, and hope that this spirit of cooperation will erase the former ill-will between our two peoples."

The Nuncia then smiled in only the way a teenaged girl can when she's thought of something her elders hadn't, and she added:

"We also extend our welcome and commendation for your nation's new Ambassador, Ms. Jackson. We shall be getting in touch with her shortly to draft the memorandum of understanding laying out the respective rights of Kawaiians and Kennyites within the enclave you have proposed. We are certain that a woman with such high regard for the rights of minorities will be an even-handed and sensible negotiating partner."

Meanwhile, back in Cienegar, the Altanari were indeed impressed with the work ethic of the Kawaiians, and the speed with which they renovated and improved their holdings in Cienegar. So impressed, in fact, that it began to spur a bit of work on the Altanari side of the border eventually. After all, although the Altanari would never be so crude as to admit it out loud, it would have been a huge embarrassment for a bunch of homeless foreigners to show the Altanari up in Altanar itself (or, on a piece of land that used to be part of Altanar, anyway).

Therefore, a piece of legislation titled the "Kawaiian Enclave/Central Steppes Province Infrastructure and Transportation Act of 2007" speedily passed through the Peoples' Assembly, in a rare show of bipartisan unity between the conservative and liberal blocs of Altanar's legislature. The act called for major improvements in the transportation, communications and other infrastructure in the isolated province. The main highways leading to the area (Royal Highway 1 and Royal Highway 5) began being expanded, and the nearest major airport (at Altana Hol) began to get impressive upgrades as well. Plans were also drawn up to work with the Kawaiians to construct and upgrade rail lines to the area; unlike Altanari, who disdained public transport, the Kawaiians apparently weren't big on personal vehicles. Internet, telephone and satellite links to the Cienegar and Altana Hol areas also began to get major upgrades. Not to be outdone by the stodgy old government, the private sector also began throwing money at the Altanari areas around Cienegar. Hotels, tourist traps, and other businesses soon began to spring up, despite the Altanari government's desire to keep the Kawaiians relatively isolated in deference to their culture.

Other than the spiffy new construction, however, the most tangible part of the new emphasis on funding would be noticeable to tourists once they arrived at any port of entry into the Enclave.

Anyone entering or leaving Altanar went through the polite but businesslike embrace of SINC (the Subministry of Immigration, Naturalization and Customs). For people going to other countries, SINC Briefing Agents would give a warning briefing to the travelers if they were going to a country that had a Ministry of State travel warning on it at the time. The Briefing Agent then gave an advice session on what to do/not to do in said country, and information on how to contact the nearest Altanari consulate, and sent the travelers on their merry way. For people coming into Altanar, the Briefing Agents gave a similar lecture about Altanari laws and customs, and the contact info for their nation's nearest consulate, and sent them out to enjoy the nation's hospitality.

Normally, the Briefing Agents were seen as little more than a well-meaning but mild inconvenience to most travelers. However, after reviewing Kawaiian laws and customs, Altanari officials realized that something a little more...in-depth was in order for people entering the Enclave. Thus was born a government official that would become dreaded by travelers: the SINC Kawaiian Enclave Briefing Agent.

---

SINC Port of Entry #45269
Border of Cienegar Kawaiian Enclave and Altanar

"....and your papers are all in order, and you show up as not being wanted for any crimes, so we're almost done here, sir," the smiling SINC agent said to Random Traveler.

"Oh, good," Traveler said. "So will I be able to go into the Kawaiian Enclave soon? I really want to give their casino a whirl," he added excitedly.

"Of course, sir. You just need to see our Briefing Agent in the next office, who'll give you a rundown of what to expect over there, and you'll be all set," the SINC agent replied cheerily, stamping his passport and scanning a barcode from the stamp into her computer.

Traveler smiled, and walked over to the next row of offices. He was shown into a large room, where another green-uniformed SINC agent politely asked him to sit down. "Thank you," Traveler said. "I think I'm supposed to get a briefing of some sort?"

"Indeed, sir," the Briefing Agent said. "This is it," she added, handing Traveler a book titled The Idiot's Guide to Kawaiian Law (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12555697&postcount=15). "Please read that and let the agent next to me know when you're done."

"Um...I have to read this entire book?" Traveler said incredulously.

"Word for word, sir. There will also be a test on it once you are done. This is to ensure that you truly understand what will be expected of you when you travel into the Enclave. There are some Happiness Police from the Enclave here also who can help explain any difficult sections to you."

"Is that really necessary? Can't I just read it on the way into the Enclave?" Traveler said grumpily.

"No, sir, you cannot. You see, the Kawaiians are much more....strict in the application of the law than we are in Altanar. You won't like the results of breaking the law or cultural mores there, I can assure you. This is for your safety, and for the benefit of the Kawaiian culture," the Briefing Agent added. "Please begin reading now," she finished, turning away to help another person in line.

Traveler looked around, and saw no less than fifteen people in the next room, either reading the book or taking some sort of computer-based test. He sighed and turned to Chapter 1.

---

After reading the book, passing the test after only three attempts, and signing an inch-thick stack of waivers and other forms, Traveler was finally given the seal of approval, so to speak, and stumped off wearily to retrieve his thoroughly-searched bags.

The combined Godwinnian and St Edmundan fleets had now reached a distance of approximately 120 miles from the Kawaiian coast. Most of the ships involved slowed their forwards movement almost to a halt, at that point, although several flotillas of relatively small vessels continued onwards in the direction of Sanrio Bay at a speed of about 9 knots. A signal was radioed back to Jade Harbour, and quickly forwarded from there to StEdmund'sPort by {{Classified}}.

Edith de Saint-Colombe looked at the message-slip that had just been placed on her desk. "Good, the task-force is at 'Position Amber', according to schedule, and the landing-ships are on their way from there to the arranged pickup-point." She picked up a partly-written letter, filled in a few details, signed it, and placed it in an enevelope which she then sealed. "Go straight through to the UN Building, Charles, and tell Cnicht Daniels to give this message to the Kawaiian nuncia: It informs her government that the ships we are sending to collect the refugees will arrive at the docks her people specified in Sanrio Bay shortly after dawn tomorrow morning... and that a coordinating mission will be air-landed in that neighbourhood as well, to help make the final arrangements for the evacuation on-site, a few hours before then."
Her aide took the letter, left the office, walked for some distance along the corridor outside, took a lift down to the ground floor, walked for some distance along the corridors there, passed through a security check, took a ride in another lift which carried him quite a way underground,
{{Classified}},
stepped out of the portal into the UN Headquarters' foyer, made his way as quickly as possible to the St Edmundan Antarctic's mission there (which were located aboard an airship that was moored to a mast up on that building's roof), was promptly passed through to Aphra Daniels' office, and gave her the envelope and the verbal orders. On receiving these communications, Aphra nodded in satisfaction.
"It's about time," she said. "I'll let the nuncia know at once." She smiled briefly. "And as this is 'Alliance' business, rather than a purely Antarctican matter, I won't have to wear the penguin costume while I do so..." Rising to her feet, she set out for the boarding ramp and thence for the Kawaiian nunciate...

_________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, at sea _
It was night-time by now, but the full moon provided a fair level of illumination and of course the Godwinnnian and St Edmundan navies fitted their ships with perfectly good sets of sensors anyway.
Those of the ships that it had been planned would remain a long way from the Kawaiian coast during this mission, unless they were really needed closer in, were manouvering into a formation that placed the colonial transports -- and those of the other vessels present that were basically unarmed -- inside several concentric rings of warships: The innermost two of those rings contained a total of forty-seven battleships from the 'Hero' class, fusion-powered leviathans so large that from a distance they might even be mistaken for small islands, as well as various smaller escorts. The expedition's three carrier-groups were positioned in between those rings, evenly spaced around the space's circumference, and squadrons of airplanes had risen from them to pattrol the skies for tens of leagues' radius while a number of blimps had risen [almost directly upwards] to a considerable height and were now heading out on longer-range observation missions.
The fleets' vanguard had already drawn nearly ten miles closer than that to Sanrio Bay. This element of the misssion consisted mainly of landing-ships, escorted by flotillas of destroyers and smaller escorts, although a squadron of larger transports -- which despite being almost as big as supertankers, appeared to have wooden hulls -- were following a few miles behind these under the protection of three squadrons of cruisers... and there were also blimps in the sky over this force, too, keeping watch for movements of large objects (such as 'kaiju', of course...) beneath the surrounding waves.

"My apologies, Your Excellency," the Nuncia said, bowing deeply to Aphra Daniels. The St. Edmundian ambassador was looking a little worse for wear after her passage through the security detail that protected the NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii. "I'm afraid our Happiness Police have been a little overzealous lately. When you mentioned 'Antarctic', they thought you were a Kennyite."

The Nuncia grimaced slightly. What was it about nations associated with the South Pole? she thought to herself. It's almost as if it were a magnet for chaos. Making a note to have another talk with the sailor-suited guardians of Kawaiian morality, she pointed to a side table, and said, "We have tea and cookies, if you'd like to refresh yourself before going over the resettlement plans."

Meanwhile, on the shores of Sanrio Bay, the Fire Horse tribe were working feverishly. The sound of St. Edmundian jet-fighters overhead filled them with dismay. Reports of what had happened when the Fire Ox tribe had been rescued by Altanaran air forces had been circulating through the other tribes for weeks, and the Fire Horses were taking no chances. They knew the kaiju would be alerted, as surely as if the Kawaiians had tried building a skyscraper with a big "HERE WE ARE" sign on its roof.

"To the boats, my children, and load the sake," the Fire Horse patriarch commanded. "We stand a better chance defending ourselves on water than on land."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/the_eternal_kawaii.jpg

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii
may the Cute One be praised

Memorandum To: Shirley Jackson, Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary, Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny
NSUN HQ 9th Floor, Ladies' Restroom

From: The Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

Subject: Kawaiian Resettlement in Omigodtheykilledkenny

Dear Ms. Jackson,

You are cordially invited to a working tea with our Nuncia, where she would like to go over a proposed Memorandum of Understanding between the Federal Republic and the Diaspora Church of the Eternal Kawaii. We have accepted with gratitude your Secretary of State Tehrani's offer of resettlement for our Wood Rat tribe. However, before our people can settle within the proposed district (the "Fortress", according to Secretary Tehrani), our nation will require certain guarantees that our people will be able to practice their faith and laws without hinderence. Likewise, you will do doubt wish to reassure your government that the Wood Rats will present no threat to the safety, health and well-being of the peoples of the Federal Republic.

These have been trying times for the Kawaiian people, what with our homeland reduced to uninhabitable wilderness and our people confronting the challenge of living as a minority among other nations. As a woman of minority heritage yourself, we are sure you understand, and pray that you will be sympathetic to, our people's plight. The Cute One willing, we should be able to arrive at a just and fair arrangement so that our two peoples will live in harmony with one another.

On behalf of the Nuncia,
First Secretary of the NSUN Nunciate,
The Diaspora Church of the Eternal Kawaii


------------------------------------


The captain of the Wood Rat tribe's flagship brought the dissheveled Kennyite before the Patriarch, saying, "You wished to see the prisoner, Father?"

The Wood Rat Patriarch stared at Jack Riley with a mixture of curiosity and vague distaste. He had never seen a Kennyite before, only heard wild rumors about what the crazed Antarctic devils were like. The fact that he had lost a couple of relations to Kennyite exploding penguin bombs did not help improve his opinion of them, either. Finally he said, slowly, "So...you're the famous Jack Riley our Prophet has spoken of. You know, I was told there was a warrent out for your arrest, if the kaiju hadn't stepped on you. I'm not sure how you managed to arrive here, but the fact that you survived this long tells me the Cute One has placed Its blessing upon you. If you wish, we can see about returning you to your people.

"You should know that we're sitting just offshore your homeland. The Eternal Kawaii, in Its ineffible wisdom, has brought us here, and that can only mean one thing--that our people are commanded to settle within this land.

"So tell me...what are Kennyites like? What can my people expect when they step on shore?"

(Aboard the Godwinnian cruiser 'HKS Chelmsford', about thirty miles offshore from Sanrio Bay...)

FleetThane Sigismund Haroldsson, the officer commanding the vanguard of the rescue mission, looked at his Flag Lieutenant in disbelief.
"Fighter jets?" he enquired. "The plan was that all of our heavier-than-air warplanes would be held back, over & around the main fleet, unless and until I specifically requested their deployment forwards, to reduce the risk of attracting monstrous attention to this part of our mission. Have we received any messages explaining why they're already here now?"

"We've checked with the Senior FleetThane's staff, and these aren't from the main fleet. In fact, going by their IFF beacons, they aren't even from any of our nations at all! Somebody else must have decided to intervene, too, and just coincidentally have done so while we are here..."

The FleetThane thought about the matter for a couple of minutes, pacing to & fro across the ship's flag bridge as he did so.
"We'll have to go ahead" he said finally. "The Kawaiians will be expecting us, and we can't leave them in the lurch. Send a signal for the advance team to drop by HALO, so that the airships carrying them don't have to get too close to the jets. Then, ask the diviners for their best estimate of the monsters' locations and courses: If anything nasty has been detected approaching the remains of the port then we might have to get the refugees to move to somewhere else along the shore, so that we can pick them up from there, instead... I'll go down to the Plotting Room, to look at the few maps we've got of this coast and determine the best points for our landing-ships and hovercraft to go in to if we can't use the harbour." He paused, and then added reluctantly: "And get a secure link to FleetCnicht Ellisson fixed-up, too: If things go too badly then his cruiser squadron might have to play decoy, to lure the monsters away from the embarkation point..."

_________________________________________________________________________

(In the sky, about two miles up above an area that's roughly mile inland from the ruined port...)

A trio of Godwinnian airships had been slowly circling over the planned drop-zone for almost an hour. In each of them, a chamber situated inside the lower hull had already been depressurised and the members of the missions's advance team that they'd carried there were waiting -- with tubes from their helmets still giving them access to the ships' air supplies -- had been waiting for the "Go" signal. At last it came, and the commanders of each of the three sections gave the necessary orders. Hatches in the decks were opened, the teams disconnected those umbilicals, and -- when green lights flashed to indicate that the time had come -- out they dived...
It would not be until they were more than one-and-three-quarter miles further down that any of them would open their parachutes.
Gathering speed as they fell, ninety humanoid figures, six felines ones, and six pallets of equipment, descended towards the pre-arranged rendezvous point...

... and then, having opened their parachutes at what many people might have considered to be a surprisingly low height, drifted down over the final stage of their journey to set foot -- without any injuries or other accidents -- on Kawaiian soil. They had all managed to land within a radius of about 150 yards from the point at the centre of their dispersal, aided by {{CLASSIFIED}}, and so were able to gather together quite quickly.
Most of the humans involved gathered into groups around the pallets of equipment, each of which turned out to bear a backpack and another bag of equipment for each of the men plus a four-wheeled vehicle (which, from the low sounds that rose as these were activated, seemed to be electrically-powered) onto whose frame more gear was already strapped. However eight of them, accompanied by three of the felines, walked to within a short distance of the Kawaiian welcoming party.

"We come in peace," one of them said, "Take us to your leaders." (He almost succeeded in smothering a chuckle...) "Sorry, but I've always wanted an opportunity to say that..."
"We are an advance party from the task-force that the governments of Godwinnia, St Edmund, and some of their allies promised to send to transport some of the Kawaiian people to a new home that will be safer than this land has now become. Are you from the 'Fire Horse' tribe of that nation, whom we were told would be awaiting us here? "

"We are indeed, thank you" replied a spokesman for the group whom he'd addressed. "Our leader the Patriarch has remained with the majority of our tribe, down by the docks, and sent us up here to meet you. Wil you accompany us to him now, quickly, before whatever 'kaiju' the presence of your aircraft overhead has attracted can reach this area?"

"They're not our aircraft", the Godwinnian officer responsed in a slightly irritated-sounding tone. "In fact, we haven't been told whose planes they are at all... and their presence certainly wasn't a part of our navies' plan, which called for trying to keep a much lower profile in order not to draw the attention of any of those 'kaiju' ... but we'll certainly make the best speed that we can down to the harbour." (He turned to one of his subordinates_)
"Bring the whole Group along behind us as quickly as possible, First-Twentyman", he commanded, "but make sure the three SmallGroups are ready to separate at a moment's notice."

A couple of moments later, once everybody was underway, he resumed his conversation with the Fire Horse tribe's spokesman.

"I am FieldCnicht Alfred Harolds, from Godwinnia. I'm the officer in charge of this Group, whose job it will be to guide our ships and those of the St Edmundans in to carry you to safety and guide you aboard them. However this lady here" (he gestured at a young-looking woman, who appeared to be basically European in ancestry but had something slightly different -- although not in an easily definable way -- about her features) "is the head of the diplomatic team that has been sent along with us to act as the actual main pathway for communications between your leaders and our own governments. I introduce the noble-born Britomart Edwina Aelfstanesdaughter, of the House of Artegall, who is a 'Cnicht' -- or, as it might be translated, "senior official" -- in the service of the St Edmundan Antarctic's government."
"And this person" (He pointed at one of the feline figures accompanying this group of human[oid] personnel, who -- at this range -- apppeared to be a rather large example of the "domestic" cat...) "is her first deputy, Lord Grimalkin the Seventh of Atherstone."
"Now, what information can you give me about the number of people we need to uplift from this shore, the condition that they're in, and what they want to take with them?" he enquired. "The more you can tell me before we reach them, the more quickly I can get my Group's teams deployed and the boats called in to start taking passengers aboard... and the sooner I'll know whether we'd probably be able to get everybody out of here before anything big and hostile turns up to hinder the operation, or whether we'll need to call in any other units as a diversion..."

The head of the Kawaiian scouting party that had stumbled on to FieldCnicht Harolds and his party was a little non-plussed. "You forgiveness, sir," he said, bowing. "We had been told to expect help from the sea; my men and I were just keeping an eye out for kaiju before we could get off-shore." The Kawaiian chief bowed to Lady Edwina and Lord Grimalkin, his eyes going wide at the sight of the large cat. Addressing Alfred again, he pointed in the direction of the coast and said, "This way, sir, madam."

The party headed down towards the shores of Sanrio Bay. The scene was pretty chaotic--Kawaiians loading boats with people and cargo as fast as they could manage. There appeared to be a thousand small craft of various sizes, most of them crude affairs lashed together from logs, holding anywear from a dozen to 50 people. The flotilla hardly looked sea-worthy, as dangerously overloaded as some of the boats appeared to be. Along the shore, the Fire Horse Patriarch could be seen marching up and down, barking orders as people filed onto the boats still on shore.

As the party approached the Kawaiian chief explained, "We're in pretty good shape, relatively speaking, sirs. No plague, thank the Cute One, and our supplies have been holding out with some rationing. we had a successful hunting party yesterday, but we had to barbeque the lot of it--no time for smoking meat once the order came to begin evacuation. The Patriarch can fill you in with more details."

While the humans were talking, three feline figures came out of the woods. Sanrio kittens. They wandered over to Lord Grimalkin, and begin looking the St. Edmundian cat over. They didn't say a word, but huddled together and apparently held a silence conversation among themselves before disappearing, mingling into the hustling crowd pressed upon the shoreline.

The head of the Kawaiian scouting party that had stumbled on to FieldCnicht Harolds and his party was a little non-plussed. "You forgiveness, sir," he said, bowing. "We had been told to expect help from the sea; my men and I were just keeping an eye out for kaiju before we could get off-shore."

"Oh? I do hope that nothing serious happened to any of the people who should have brought the message about our planned arrival to your Patriarch. Well, at any rate, the main part of this mission is on the sea... but its commanders won't actually order any boats in to the shore until we send them the signal to do that, so the sooner we reach the harbour the better. Fortunately, according to the last report from the diviners aboard our fleet, there don't seem to be any of the 'kaiju' -- either on land or in the sea -- within at least twelve miles of this area at the moment."

The party headed down towards the shores of Sanrio Bay. The scene was pretty chaotic--Kawaiians loading boats with people and cargo as fast as they could manage. There appeared to be a thousand small craft of various sizes, most of them crude affairs lashed together from logs, holding anywear from a dozen to 50 people. The flotilla hardly looked sea-worthy, as dangerously overloaded as some of the boats appeared to be. Along the shore, the Fire Horse Patriarch could be seen marching up and down, barking orders as people filed onto the boats still on shore.
As the party approached the Kawaiian chief explained, "We're in pretty good shape, relatively speaking, sirs. No plague, thank the Cute One, and our supplies have been holding out with some rationing. we had a successful hunting party yesterday, but we had to barbeque the lot of it--no time for smoking meat once the order came to begin evacuation. The Patriarch can fill you in with more details."

FieldCnicht Harolds winced at the sight of the Kawaiians' makeshift flotilla, and turned to his chief lieutenant: "Send the signal 'Birthday' as soon as you've got the radio set up, First-Twentyman, and then call the landing-ships in but warn them that some of our new friends are already at sea in rather flimsy craft," he ordered. "Then deploy the SmallGroups in 'trident' formation to guide them in and facilitate boarding.'' He looked quickly across the turmoil. "Set the the edges of their zones approximately there, there, there, and there," (He pointed at four points along the shore) "and order them to use the black-light beacons rather than the visible-wavelength ones."

Lady Edwina and Lord Grimalkin (to both of whom Harolds had quickly given some advice on the way to the beach) accompanied the chief whom they'd already met over to the Patriarch, and politely introduced themselves.
"I apologise if my words or haste seem impolitely informal, excellency," the lady then said, "but given the power that the 'kaiju' have already displayed -- and the fact that those airplanes overhead, whoever they belong to, might attract some of that might in our direction -- being as quick as possible to get your people to safety seems advisable.
The first wave of craft that our fleet is sending in to collect your people should arrive here within about twenty minutes, and will be ready to start collecting passengers as soon as they get here. They're specialised craft that will all be able to collect people & their goods either from the shore or from boats at sea, as necessary, and many of them will even be able to take small boats like yours -- if you actually want to keep them, or taking the time to transfer their cargoes seems inadvisable -- onboard as well.
Some of our fleet's larger vessels will start carrying out a diversionary operation a few leagues down the coast while this is going on.
How many people should we tell the FleetThane to expect, so that he will be able to have a better idea of how long this whole evacuation is likely to take? The squadrons of transport-ships that are waiting a way offshore should be able to take slightly over one-and-fifth million passengers in total, and we could probably squeeze another few thousand of you into the warfleet's own vessels if necessary... That will be enough, won't it?" (She looked slightly worried.)

While the humans were talking, three feline figures came out of the woods. Sanrio kittens. They wandered over to Lord Grimalkin, and begin looking the St. Edmundian cat over. They didn't say a word, but huddled together and apparently held a silence conversation among themselves before disappearing, mingling into the hustling crowd pressed upon the shoreline.

Lord Grimalkin looked unperturbed (as felines are so good at doing) by this attention, and continued observing the situation.


Meanwhile, out at sea: a large collection of hovercraft, landing-ships and smaller landing-craft is now barely a mile from the people waiting in Sanrio Bay... and, further out, a squadron of six cruisers has left its former position amongst the detachments that had halted about thirty miles offshore and is now heading at high speed towards a point about twelve miles along the coast from that harbour...

_________________________________________________________________

OOC_
Very sorry about the delay on my part: I was feeling a bit drowsy and generally under-the-weather for most of the week, and consequently didn't think that I could have concentrated well enough to do this project justice before today...

Oh, in case anybody wonders, the 'Group' that the FieldCnicht has led here is basically modelled -- at least OOC, anyway -- on the Royal Naval Commando (http://web.archive.org/web/20001206001800/http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Keith_Oakley/rnhist.htm) units that RL Britain operated during WWII.

The Patriarch of the Fire Horse paused in his hurried stridings as the St. Edmundian delegation approached. Recognizing them as foreigners, he said gruffly to himself, "...about time..." and bowed deeply, adding for public consumption, "On behalf of my people, I greet you, madam." Listening to Lady Edwina's explanation, he nodded, his bushy eyebrows arching with surprise as she listed off the size of the foriegn armada come to rescue his people. "You're clearly taking no chances, ma'am," he said finally. "That is wise, considering the might the warriors you sent may face. As for taking our people on board, know that the Fire Horse has 12,385 registered families. From what you say, I doubt if you'll find us much trouble to take onboard."

Considering the size of the average Kawaiian family, the tribe numbered probably 60,000 at most. St. Edmundian Antarctic had set out to rescue a great nation, and found themselves hosting a medium-sized town.

"Anyways," the Patriarch continued with a wave towards the makeshift Kawaiian flotilla, "as you can see my people are already heading out to meet yours. If we hurry, we may be able to avoid the sea-kaiju. Your warships had best be on their guard, however, and hopefully they're well stocked with strong drink."

The first of the C-5 Galaxy transports landed at the remains of the airport. luckily the runway was not damaged. As the plane slowed to a stop the back ramp went down. The engines of the plane continued to idle. Captian Trevor called to the tower on the radio,
"Tower this is Captian Trevor of the Palentine Air Force. We'll be taking on the first group of 35 evacuees. since this is a dangerous spot were loading under compat conditiopns. As soon as we lift off, another plane will land. we're hoping to have each plane loaded in under 10 minutes."

The loadmaster, a female Master Sgt, stood at the head of the ramp with a bullhorn, and yelled,

"Hurry up ya Marys! grab your gear and get your <censored> up here. Those damned monsters might be back and we have five more planes to load! and for <censored> sake approach the ramp from behind the plane. We dont want any of you <censored> kitty worshippers to get sucked into a jet engine."

Royal Altanari Police Border Post #2491
Border of Cienegar Kawaiian Enclave and Altanar

Commander Hasim Nagarith grinned as he sipped his morning coffee. The wide-open steppes of central Altanar greeted him, as he stood on the observation walk of the stone-walled border post. It was a quiet day, the rays of the rising sun tinting the windows and walls of his command with a gentle golden tone. A few birds flew lazily overhead, greeting the few people heading to cross into the Kawaiian Enclave this early in the day - or straggling back into Altanar after a late night being cleaned out by the casino.

After chasing gang members through the streets of Nalioka, and trying to hunt down separatists for thirty miserable years, this is the life. I could get used to this quiet, Nagarith thought contentedly. The Kawaiians handle security on their end and deal with any casino-going rowdies...all I have to do is watch the border. Not a bad way to end a career...

Nagarith's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of vehicles breaking the morning stillness. In the distance, he could make out what appeared to be a convoy of vehicles. Must be a tourist group, Nagarith mused.

That thought would soon be dispelled, however, as a motley collection of personal vehicles pulled up to the port of entry next to the border post. A large group of people began disembarking, and Nagarith noticed that they were all wearing green shirts and black pants...and then he noticed the signs. "TRAITORS GIVE AWAY ALTANARI LAND TO FOREIGNERS!" one sign read. Another said, "TAKE BACK CIENEGAR!" A third read, "ALTANAR FOR THE ALTANARI!" The other signs, Nagarith noticed with growing dismay, were even less polite. By the Pantheon, not those idiots....not here...

A RAPF officer rushed up to Nagarith. "Sir, it's the...." he began.

"I know, Bresgeth," Nagarith replied wearily to his subordinate. "The ANF has decided to come pay us a visit. Let's go 'welcome' them," he finished grimly, already walking towards the stairs and grabbing his uniform jacket and nightstick as he walked.

On the ground level, the protesters had already formed flanking lines at the entrance to the port of entry, trying to hand flyers to anyone walking in or out. Other protestors stood nearby, shouting slogans and abuse at anyone unfortunate enough to draw their ire.

As RAPF officers and SINC agents milled nearby, trying to decide what to do, Nagarith angrily strode up to the entrance, waving sharply at the officers to form a line. "Who's in charge of this rabble?" Nagarith snapped at the first ANF member he saw.

"That would be me, officer," replied an older man, voice firm despite his age. Karan Peraer (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13077182&postcount=3) turned calmly to face Nagarith.

"That's commander, old-timer," Nagarith snapped. "Your group of malcontents better have a permit for this assembly, or else you're going to be getting right back into those vehicles of yours and going back home. You know damn well you're not allowed to approach a border post without permission-"

"Permission? To approach a border post that shouldn't even be here, on land that once belonged to all of us, but was given to foreigners by the weak-minded King and his lackeys that you work for?" Peraer said coldly. "You're a police officer. You should be supporting the people, not those traitors in Ael Khalas. You dishonor that uniform by doing their will and selling out your own people."

"That's enough of that fascist, seditionist claptrap!" Nagarith growled angrily. "I'm guessing you didn't bother to get a permit from that 'weak-minded government' you're talking about, so this is an illegal assembly. You have one minute to begin dispersing, or you're all going to be placed under arrest," Nagarith said coldly as more RAPF officers and SINC agents arrived, forming a line behind him.

The ANF protestors quickly formed a line behind Peraer, who simply smiled. "You know we're not going to leave, commander."

"Well then, you can't say I didn't warn you," Nagarith replied coolly, as the minute ran out. RAPF officers and SINC agents quickly moved in on the ANF protestors, and a full-scale melee ensued. It didn't last long, as the police and SINC agents outnumbered the protestors. But a mile away, another small group of ANF protestors had quietly been waiting for the Altanari authorities to be distracted. Seeing their chance, they slipped across the border.

The Patriarch of the Water Dragon tribe of the Eternal Kawaii stood in the clearing at the far end of Sanrio City Airport, or what was left of it after Lord Gojira's rampage. He looked up at the sky where the transport planes from the Palentine were circling in to land. He felt a sense of deja vu...it had not been that long since he and his people had seen a similar air flotilla flying by to rescue the neighboring Fire Ox clan. That had been an unpleasant affair, with his people having to pack up and move without warning. The Altanari jetfighters had attracted the attention of a kaiju and sent it rampaging towards the Fire Ox camp--and in the process, through the middle of the Water Dragon's. Thankfully there were no fatalities, but much of the Water Dragons' few possessions were badly trampled, as was the Fire Ox's makeshift runway that they had been planning to use. It had taken the Water Dragon's remaining stocks of food and water to sustain themselves as they made their way to the next available airfield. Relief was arriving just in time.

Provided our friend doesn't pay us another visit, the Patriarch thought to himself. Fortunately, the Water Dragon was a much smaller tribe than the Fire Ox. The Patriarch held to that hope as he strode towards the loadmaster, bowing politely to the attractive--if amazingly foul-mouthed--foreign woman and saying, "It's good to see you, ma'am. I we're getting down to business straightaway. That is wise, considering our situation."

Wise indeed, for off in the distance, the unmistakeable *gronk* of a kaiju could be heard. The rescue of the Water Dragon tribe had but minutes to be accomplished.


***********************************************


The ANF protestors, now a couple of kilometers into Fire Ox territory, relaxed somewhat. The old Altanari guard was long past; an easy mark to evade with a suitable distraction. The road they were following was nearly deserted, with only the occasional Altanari or Kawaiian cargo van upon it. There seemed few targets for the protestors to vent their anger upon--the nearest population was the gleaming Ciengar City, kilometers away in the center of the enclave. The outlying lands were mainly given over to sheepherders and wind farms, the tall three-bladed mills humming away, drawing energy from the nearly ceaseless steppe wind. One such farm occupied a ridge about a half kilometer ahead of the roving band, and they headed for it, away from the road.

ooc; is it too late for me to join in?

"Why, in the seven hells, didn't we just drive into this godsforsaken place?" one of the ANF infiltrators grumped to his leader as they walked towards the farm.

"Don't let anyone hear you calling this a godsforsaken place, even though it is. We're 'defending our beloved Altanari steppes', remember?" the leader replied. "And we walked because it was a lot easier to sneak across on foot, and escape detection, then it would have been to drive in here. What, are you afraid of a little hike now?"

The other infiltrator simply laughed. All of them were in excellent shape, and a bit of a march was nothing new to them. "It's just annoying," he said.

"We'll see if we can scrounge up a vehicle at this place...I'm sure the owners won't object...and if they do...we'll 'convince' them to let us 'borrow' it," the leader laughed as they walked up to the edge of the farm.

---

Meanwhile, back at the border post, the ANF protesters were none-too-gently thrown into the back of police vans. Somehow, the media had gotten wind of what was happening, and were eagerly covering the aftermath of the melee. Nagarith was furious. This is going to be such an embarrassment to Altanar, he thought as Peraer was hustled into the back of a van, amiably chatting with the media about "being thrown off our own land by jackbooted lackeys of a treasonous regime" as he went.

Just have a heart attack and die already, and save us the trouble, you old vulture, Nagarith thought uncharitably as he walked back inside.

His subordinate, Bresgeth, came running up. "Sir, we may have an incursion on our hands," he said without preamble.

"What?" Nagarith said, in frustration. "An incursion? Where?"

"While we were..um...occupied with the riot, a few people were caught on vid sneaking across the border at coordinates 143-276-E. We don't know if they're part of the ANF, but their sneaking across the border is a bit...coincidental," Bresgeth finished.

"Coincidental indeed," Nagarith growled. "Get a description of the people that snuck across, and vid images, and alert the Kawaiians. If they really are more ANF idiots, I don't want them to have the chance to do any more damage. And alert Headquarters about this incident as well - I doubt we've heard the last of this by a long shot."

"Yes, sir," Bresgeth saluted, heading back to the comm center at a run.

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/the_eternal_kawaii.jpg

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii
may the Cute One be praised

Memorandum To: Shirley Jackson, Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary, Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny
NSUN HQ 9th Floor, Ladies' Restroom

From: The Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

Subject: Kawaiian Resettlement in Omigodtheykilledkenny

Dear Ms. Jackson,

You are cordially invited to a working tea with our Nuncia, where she would like to go over a proposed Memorandum of Understanding between the Federal Republic and the Diaspora Church of the Eternal Kawaii. We have accepted with gratitude your Secretary of State Tehrani's offer of resettlement for our Wood Rat tribe. However, before our people can settle within the proposed district (the "Fortress", according to Secretary Tehrani), our nation will require certain guarantees that our people will be able to practice their faith and laws without hinderence. Likewise, you will do doubt wish to reassure your government that the Wood Rats will present no threat to the safety, health and well-being of the peoples of the Federal Republic.

These have been trying times for the Kawaiian people, what with our homeland reduced to uninhabitable wilderness and our people confronting the challenge of living as a minority among other nations. As a woman of minority heritage yourself, we are sure you understand, and pray that you will be sympathetic to, our people's plight. The Cute One willing, we should be able to arrive at a just and fair arrangement so that our two peoples will live in harmony with one another.

On behalf of the Nuncia,
First Secretary of the NSUN Nunciate,
The Diaspora Church of the Eternal Kawaii[OOC: Actually, Shirley Jackson is hardly the only minority in my government. Fernanda, Morgan and the Treasury secretary are all Hispanic, Tehrani is Muslim, Sammy is Gelzien, his replacement is an indigenous Kennyite, and Cdr. Chiang is Chinese. Practically the only white guy of note is Riley -- whose storyline I'd like to pick up on later, by the way. It would be nice to backtrack and attempt to explain how Riley got out of trouble with the Kawaiians and is now helping negotiate peace in West Ariddia ...]

A quick handwritten reply was sent back to the Nuncia's office, and only about three or four months late...

Your Excellency,

I was pleased to receive your invitation for tea. I profusely apologize for the extreme tardiness of my reply, but there have been other matters of importance to attend to, especially with the shake-up in the UN mission and the Diplomatic Service and all. I would be pleased to visit your office to further discuss the arrangement between the my government and the Wood Rat Tribe. With a new Liberal majority in Congress to be seated later this fall, I'm sure there will be many opportunities for the advancement of minority rights in the Federal Republic, not the least of which in your charming community. I'm to understand they've already begun to settle in the Fortress (farm1.static.flickr.com/150/408439379_bb402de4df.jpg)? I would urge your people to continue with the transition from the fleet to the designated site for Kawaiian settlement. My government cannot guarantee your safety in Paradise Bay, as the waters are still teeming with the rogue vessels of Akimonadite stragglers (and if you've ever been in the Strangers' Bar, you know what the Akimonadites are like). The Fortress by contrast is quite safe, and I can offer my personal guarantees that my government holds religious liberty as one of our most fundamental freedoms, so your rights to worship peacefully as you see fit will not be threatened.

This of course does not take away from the fact that further issues need discussing, and as stated I would be happy to speak with you about them. I will try to be in your office sometime next week, if that is convenient for you. I will do my best to act as an intermediary between your people and my government. I look forward to a fruitful exchange.

Kindest regards,
ShirleyJackson glared at the message Sammy had placed on her desk in the eighth-floor ladies' room for her approval. "This ain't me!" she protested. "This don't sound like me at all!"

"I agree," said Sammy, pushing the latter closer to her. "this sounds like someone with a shred of reason left in her. Just sign it, and then you can get back to getting indignant at all the ladies who keep coming into your office and looking at you suspiciously because you're a strong, independent black woman."

"They have been lookin' at me all shifty-eyed, haven't they?" Jackson agreed. "Alright, fine." And she affixed her name to the bottom of the note.

One of the peculiarities of Kawaiian culture is their preference for public, rather than private, transportation. Part of it is out of concern for the environment, part of it is due to the typically close quarters that most Kawaiians live in, and a great deal of it is the fact that the average Kawaiian can't afford the luxury of a private automobile. So, when the ANF protestors worked their way up to the row of windmills cranking away in the evening sky, they were rather disappointed in their selection of vehicles. The only thing available was a positively antique pickup truck of Altanari manufacture. From the looks of it, it appeared to be a service vehicle rather for personnel transport. Still, it appeared in good shape, and best of all, easily startable. Vehicle theft was a virtually unknown concept among Kawaiians, so the truck was conveniently parked with its key still in the ignition.

The moment it was started, though, one of the Kawaiian security guards came trotting out of a nearby shed. Looking a little confused at the crowd of strangers, the unsuspecting guard said, "Eh...what are you doing with the truck there?"


---------------------


Chief-of-7-Arm of the Fire Ox Ninja listened to Bresgeth's description of the suspect ANF infiltration impassively. He said simply, "Thank you for your report, subcommander. It will be taken care of." A short pause, and the ninja master added, "Is it your government's wish that these people be returned unharmed? Please understand, I cannot guarantee their safety if any Kawaiian civilians are harmed."


---------------------


It was a long and arduous journey, and an even more arduous wait, but finally the Wood Rat tribe disembarked their flotilla in Paradise City bay and began the trek to the Fortress. The Patriarch looked up at the ramshackle cluster of high-rise apartment complexes pressed close upon one another, the alleyways between them so narrow you could almost jump from building to building, crossing the entire area without setting foot upon the ground.

His son looked over the complex with a grim eye. Compared to the bright, modern city the Kawaiian refugees had processed through, this place looked positively ancient, like some abandoned part of the city that the urban planning agency hadn't thought to bulldoze. "Kennyite generosity knows no bounds, father," he commented dryly.

The old Patriarch smiled, and said, "You were expecting streets of gold? Don't worry, a few months after we open the Lucky Penguin, the fixing-up can start. The Cute One didn't lead us halfway across the world to leave us in a wasteland."


---------------------


The NSUN Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii smiled as she read Ms. Jackson's letter. The lady seemed much more eloquent in writing than she had appeared in person. But then, most people are, even Kennyites, she supposed. She called her 1st Secretary over and said, "Make arrangements for a formal tea service for Ms. Jackson...Jouchan-1 is coming up in a few days; that should be an auspicious date for it."

Three of the ANF men were former Royal Army or Royal Police, people who had been booted from the Royal Service once their ANF sympathies became known. With basic training in hand-to-hand combat, they moved on the security guard, trying to take him down before he could yell or warn the other guards.

---

Bresgeth actually grinned at the ninja master's last question, although of course he couldn't see that.

"These people have committed crimes here in Altanar, and we would like them back eventually to stand trial for what they've done, after your legal system is done with them of course. As to whether or not we want them harmed, my superiors have informed me that due to the circumstances, these individuals have forfeited any right to expect protection from our government. Feel free to do what you have to do to apprehend them."

[OOC Note: Due to vacation and the positively antique computer and dialup connection I have here, I'm going to have to put the RP on hold for a week or so until I get back to my regular PC. Stay tuned for our next exciting installment!]

[OOC Note Two: And, we're back. Apologies for the delay, but post-vacation job was a lot more hectic than anticipated. But enough of that, on with the show!]

Although vehicle theft was a virtually unknown concept among Kawaiians, hostile foreigners were not. And so for the first time an Altanari encountered the martial arts discipline that nearly every Kawaiian male (and not a few Kawaiian females) was trained in from youth. The first of the ANF goons was down before the other two knew what happened, felled by "Flying Rabbit Vengeance" kick. The security guard moved into the to engage the remaining thugs, letting out a loud yell as he focused his qi and assumed the "Fire of the Crane Thrust" stance, leaving the other would-be car thieves to gape in confusion.

The remaining ANF intruders weren't trained to the level of self-defense proficiency that the Kawaiian guard had demonstrated, and were naturally caught flat-footed as their comrade was knocked unceremoniously to the ground. Deciding that trying to exchange blows with the guard was definitely not a winning proposition, one of them took a taser from her belt and fired it at the guard. The other ANF protester still on his feet tried to flank the guard, desperately looking around for something that he could use as a weapon.

Meanwhile, the leader of the ANF band quickly decided that his three comrades who were engaging the guard were expendable assets. From his seat behind the wheel of the truck, he frantically yelled and waved at the last member of his unit to jump in the back, as he prepared to drive off.

"Next up on the docket... a diplomatic request from the Holy Otaku Church of the Eternal Kawaii..."

The Councillors of the Tuhran Bel looked confused, leafing through their packets.

"Eternal Kawaii? What's this cat thing?" grumbled Jeroen Seefeikh.

"Holy Otaku Church? That doesn't sound right... when did we get this request?" said another.

Reijihan Herad removed his glasses and sighed. "Apparently we got it almost a year ago and it has just now come through. Foreign Minister Dirh sends his apologies; apparently it was related to Foreign Minister vohu-Manar's tenure. In any case, they are requesting sanctuary for several of their tribes; apparently their homeland has been eviscerated by large monsters and they need help."

Yu Renzhie frowned. "I'm sorry, I don't quite understand what they're asking of us... help from the monsters? I don't think the Motions are meant for that sort of thing."

Light laughter followed the Councillor's religious joke. Reijihan didn't smile.

"No, they want to relocate their people. There are already some enclaves in The Federal Republic and Altanar, and apparently a deal with the nation of Kahanistan has fallen through and the Kawaiians would like to relocate their Wood Rat tribe somewhere else. Snefaldia would be ideal."

Murmurs from the other councillors. Seefeikh frowned, as was his wont.

"I don't know... an entire enclave of people living in our borders? Would they be subject to our laws, or semi-autonomous? From what I understand, their enclave in Omigodtheykilledkenny is basically a sovereign state."

Yu Renzhie nodded. "I am not largely opposed to an enclave... provided we enumerate the specifics in a legally binding treaty. Depending on the size of the Wood Rat tribe, we might be able to even capitalize on a boost to our economy. There's some land in the Upper Saard in Sring Issa and Zhong Bae that would be perfect for cultivation and inhabitation."

"Don't monopolize for your own region, Ren. These Kawaiians would fit in very well with the South Têisnáyans in Neer Dal." said Calmen á Quèstayán. "Maybe they'd even coax the Sankrè back into Snefaldia."

Arguing started up over which area the Kawaiians would be best suited in, and continued for a moment until Herad motioned and a loud gong silenced the fifty Councillors.

"We will ask them where they would like to live once they get here. For the time being, we need to figure out how to get them to Snefaldia in the first place."

"Airships and boats, of course." Seefeikh snorted.

"We will send the First Zeppellin Fleet as well as the First Naval Squadron. So let it be done, by the Motions."

The Kawaiian security guard paused briefly, caught by surprise as he realized one of his three assailants was a woman. A serious mistake on his part, for before he could change stances and mount a defensive "Transcendent Lighting Dance" manuver, the Altanari unleashed her own lightning. The taser struck the guard full-on, causing him to crumple to the gravel.

Meanwhile, the noise and commotion had caught the attention of the staff manning the wind farm's control room. Three more Kawaiian males trotted out of the shack, heading for the truck...only to see it speed off into the distance, leaving the two standing ANF thugs stranded.


-------------------------------------


"Another missive?" the NSUN Nuncia of the Eternal Kawaii said to her First Secretary. She actually sounded a little relieved. It had been a stressful week at the Nunciate, what with her discovering just what was going on with that ridiculous speech she had given in response to the Gloggian ambassador's proposal. How was I to know foreigners don't like their accents imitated? she thought to herself for the umpteenth time. No matter, the third secretary and all her friends who thought it'd be a real laugh were sacked. The righteous anger of a humiliated 14 year-old girl is a fearsome sight to behold, and it served well to get her point across to the remaining staffers. They may call her "Little Sister" behind her back, but noone interferes with the Nuncia's job. And just in time, for the demands were starting to pile up again.

"From the nation of Snefaldia, your grace," the First Secretary added helpfully, handing the message over.

The Nuncia looked through the missive, her brow furrowing a little. "Why are they asking after the Wood Rats? Aren't they settling in among the Kennyites? I mean, as well as anyone could settle..."

"I think it's a typo, your grace," the First Secretary hurriedly added. "From the letter it suggests that they were actually asking about the Wood Snake clan. The ones the Kahanistanis had first offered to resettle."

"Hmm...an impressive typo. What about the Wood Snakes, then? I thought we had word they were evacuated."

"We had word they were being evacuated...apparently the sight of Allech-Atreus's giant 'sky ships' panicked them and sent them into the bush. Hopefully they've gotten reorganized enough to meet up with the transports the Snefaldians are offering."

"Zeppelins? Well, those seem harmless," the Nuncia mused. It was a shame the situation was so serious...she would've enjoyed a nice zeppelin ride.

It had been a simple mistranslation; the bureacrat who had transposed the Kawaiian letters into Bagura was a native speaker of Sringi, and had simply made an error in using one language's word for another. No harm, no foul. Of course, he was sacked and reassigned.

Soaring high above the First Squadron naval fleet, Commodore Benjamin Tuliak stood with quiet solemnity, taking in the amazing view. Zeppelins were the preferred air transport of the Snefaldians; they were the external result of a national ethos that revered natural beauty and valued taking one's time to do anything. Snefaldian airships were large and state-of-the-art, most capable of carrying fast fighter jets in internal hangar bays.

"Commodore, the Admiral is radioing changes in sea level, no major sonar contacts." the communications officer relayed.

"No monsters yet, then." Tuliak chuckled. There were some other chuckles from the bridge crew. "Navigation?"

"Thirty kilometres from former Kawaiian territory."

"Very good. Helm, reduce elevation and prepare for our descent. ETA thirty minutes. Scramble ground crews for evac."

Klaxons sounded throughought the fleet of dirigibles and servicemembers rushed through the scaffolding and hallways, preparing to take up the Kawaiians once they had been located. The Fleet was added insurance, and it needed they would take on the Kawaiian refugees as well.

"Sir, the Admiral has scrambled his fighters for added air cover if necessary. The Fleet will hold at ten kilometres and provide support."

"Aye. Helm, begin descent."

Cienegar

Upon seeing the truck drive off, the two standing ANF operatives cursed silently under their breath, and looked around to see if they could find a place to hide. But on a wind farm in the middle of a wide-open steppe, hiding places aren't exactly common. Seeing the three Kawaiians running towards them, the stranded operatives readied themselves to try to hold them off as long as they could, to give the truck time to escape.

Meanwhile, the truck sped quickly down the road from the wind farm. "Well, that didn't exactly go as well as planned. Now what?" the ANF team member in the passenger's seat asked his leader.

"Now, we head over to the new city these people built themselves," the leader replied. "We're going to see if we can stir up some more mischief."

---

Various government buildings, Ael Khalas

Fears that the ANF incursion could rapidly escalate into an international incident led the commander of the Royal Police to make a quick phone call to the Ministry of State. Once the call was done, Minister of State Nelron Khiskithy hung up the phone. He then cursed for five straight minutes, alarming the staffers in his office to no end, before picking up the phone again and calling the office of Prime Minister Jinella Agaranth. Agaranth listened to Khiskithy's report, and then cursed for a minute or two herself. She then conferenced the rest of the Council of Ministers into the call. That took several minutes, which she occupied by cursing some more. When everyone was finally on the line, Agaranth's instructions were short and to the point. "Offer the Kawaiians whatever assistance they need to get these ANF bastards locked up before they can do any more damage. Use our satellites to help track them down if need be. I also want the ANF's headquarters and branch offices locked down immediately. I'm not giving them any more chances to embarrass us all. And get ready to put the best face forward you all can to the press about this, because you know those jackals will be all over this," Agaranth barked, ending the call. She then sighed, knowing she had to make one more phone call...and it would not be pleasant.

---

Royal conference room, The Aerie, Ael Khalas

King Aelkyn listened to his Prime Minister as she explained what had happened, and the steps taken. When he finally spoke, his voice was as cold as a brisk winter wind rolling down the steppes. "You were right to lock the ANF facilities down. I want the Royal Police and the Ministry of Justice ready to move on them at a moment's notice. The ANF is a dead group walking. They just don't know it yet."

---

Space over Altanar

The Royal Altanari Air Fleet had a special unit that managed the nation's surveillance and observation satellites. Several of those satellites were quietly shifted to begin searching Cienegar, triangulating from the ANF team's known point of entry into the enclave to try to find them. Those satellites were also tasked to begin observing the ANF's known facilities.

Thankfully most of the landings and takeoffs went without a hitch. As the Kawaiian tribe waiting at the airport had few non-squashed personal belongings, the loading of gear and citizens went quicker than expected. The last plane had finished taxiing down the runway and opened its cargo ramp, while the pilot idled the engines on the Massive G-5 Galaxy. As the last of the Kawaiins hurried to the plane, the pilot used his in-plane communication system to contact the loadmaster.
"How does it look, Sarge?"

No bad sir, but I'll be happier to get into the air. The roar that the first plane reported seems to be getting really loud. I'd just as soon not have to see what kind of beastie makes that kind of noise.", replied Sgt. Haskell

(OOC: If you're feeling frisky TEK, go ahead and have the Kaiju show up and cause havok. 4 out of 5 planes have already taken off. I won't be offended if you think it fun to let a kaiju have "lunch"...I've been playing a lot of Rampage on the PS2:D)

Tuliak fiddled with his compass in his fingers, leaning over a map of Kawaii and measuring the distances.

"Contacts?"

"None, sir." came the call from the radar station.

"Nav?"

"300 yards above triangulation. Straight down, Commodore, and that's where the Kawaiians are supposed to be."

Tuliak nodded. "Take us down then... orders for squadron, Black Drop!"

Tensing up across the airship fleet, each one of the 15 dirigibles preparing for a dangerous and incredibly successful maneuver. The Black Drop was a rapid descent from medium altitude, arriving on the target in a matter of minutes. On a cloudy day, the sight of huge airships suddenly appearing out of the clouds would be very disconcerting. The fast drop would give any hostiles a shake and allow the Snefaldians to set up faster.

"And... commence!"

The airships suddenly dropped as one body down through the atmosphere, slowing as they reached the minimum distance to maintain control.

"All ships have descended successfully."

Tuliak suppressed a smile. "Alright. Paratroops and supplies, dispatch. Have the Amla'i and Kombala make ground in the fields there. Establish perimeter, and find out where those Kawaiians are."

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/gaffa_territories.jpg

From: Steve Haht, Administer of Foreign Affairs, The Suspended States of Gaffa Territories
To: The Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

Firstly I would like to pass on the President's sympathies for your nation's plight. I am assured he would be most upset if our demons were to arise and would wish for sanctuary too.
Secondly I would like to apologise for the belatedness of our response. It is a combination of having problems with our UN Ambassador who first mentioned your need (we feared his sanity was being damaged) and the time it has taken to make sure a Territory could be made available.
It is with pleasure that I can announce that we have created a Territory, henceforth known as 'The Gaffaen Territory of the Displaced Peoples of Kawaii', henceforth referred to as DPK, reclaimed from part of the mountainous lands of Massaya, the jungles of the Sentinent Creatures of Ravear and two of the islands of Pohlatiti, so bear in mind your new neighbours may need reminding of the new boundries occassionally.
The terms are simple:
The DPK Territory, like all Gaffaen Territories will have its own administration, border controls etc.
DPK nationals will not usually be considered Gaffaen citizens, citizenship must always be earned, however, DPK nationals are free to travel other Kawaiian colonies with a visa, the perogative of their disposal will be donated to your administration.
The DPK Territory may have a representative on the Gaffa Territories Council.
The DPK Adminstration will be responsible for almost the entire running of the Territory, including education and religion. We have but one university in the Gaffa Territories, if you require one we may negotiate this further at another time. It is a matter of definitions I believe.
The Gaffa Territories is an UN Member, therefore all ratified UN Resolutions will apply.
The Gaffa Territories Council laws, where applicable, are the only other limits on administrative freedom.
There is a citizen-only Gaffaen Police Force and Armed Forces. However, we permit 'privately' employed 'security' and 'militia'.
Public transport by DPK nationals must be provided for within Wazingdon State, however, its extent is at your discretion, noting DPK nationals will not be permitted to travel on any other Territory's public transport system. Were we to permit it, we would be descriminating unfairly on other Territory nationals. Public transport in other Territories, also run by DPK nationals, can be negotiated at your pleasure.
Employment in other Territories of DPK nationals is possible but highly unlikely, the only exception is Wazingdon State, although this is usually limited to citizens. You may pose the same restrictions on other Territory Nationals, in fact it is encouraged.
I believe that is everything covered, but if you have any questions or issues do not hesitate to contact my department or me.

(OOC: Oops! Got distracted... I'll get the next post in my nation's evacuation mission done & placed here within the next couple of days.
I think we'd better say that, despite the posting dates, that mission was actually concluded some time before the current one by Snefaldia, because otherwise our fleets are likely to run into each other and coordinating things could get even messier than this thread's internal chronology already is...)

OOC: Can someone give me a synopsis on what's going on?

Ciengar

Evening was starting to fall at the stolen Altnari vehicle sped into the sprawling, brand-new metropolis of Ciengar City. The Fire Ox clan had wasted no time turning an abandoned airbase and the barren plain surrounding it into a thriving city. Still under construction, of course, but many parts already complete--starting with Station Square downtown, where a huge, cavernous railway station had been constructed. It was the hub of the new Kawaiian Rail network that tied together lines out to three Altanari cities and to the Six Martyrs' International Airport, the old Altanari airstrip reworked and renamed in honor of the pilots who sacrificed their lives during the evacuation of the Fire Ox. Opposite the train station was the massive and glittering Gambling District, an elegant pedestrian walkway lined with brightly lit and gaudily designed casinos. Foreigners didn't have to walk far to spend their money in Ciengar.

The vehicle slowed as it neared Station Square. There had been little traffic, indeed few cars on the city streets at all. It was clear that the clan leaders had planned the city around current Kawaiian theories of urban development, which meant plenty of public transportation and little space for private vehicles. Finding no parking spaces availble, the ANF goons abandoned the vehicle in mid-square and piled out, looking around in distaste. A mixed crowd of Kawaiians and Altanari tourists stopped and stared at them in confusion (among the former) and disgust (among the latter).

Their compatriots, abandoned at the windfarm, no doubt were having even less fun.


------------------------------------------


The Eternal Kawaii (somewhere in the southern forests)

The head of the Wood Snake clan looked up and saw the looming Snefaldian airships lowering from the sky, the large zeppelins growing larger and large above them. A few murmurs of dismay rose up from the crowd of Kawaiians around him, and not a few mumblings of "oh no, not again." The Wood Snake Patriarch, however, raised his voice and said, "Stay calm, people. I see no lightning...hopefully whatever demons that came before aren't with this lot."


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The Eternal Kawaii (near the remains of Sanrio City Airport)

The evacuation of the Water Dragon clan was proceeding without a hitch when disaster struck. As the fifth Galaxy cargo plane started taxiing down the runway and picking up speed for takeoff, from out of the woods at the far end of the flightline stomped the source of that unnerving noise. A massive kaiju, long-armed and squat, bellowed its displeasure at seeing human activity and began stomping towards the end of the runway, in the path of takeoff. There was no hope for the pilot other than to gun the engines and see whether he could clear the obstacle.

(OOC, looks grim. Probably only 4/5ths of the Water Dragons are going to make it out. How good are your Rampage skills?)


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The NSUN Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/the_eternal_kawaii.jpg

In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii
may the Cute One be praised

To: Steve Haht, Administer of Foreign Affairs, The Suspended States of Gaffa Territories
From: Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii

Esteemed Administor,

It is with great pleasure that, on behalf of the Prophet and the people of the Eternal Kawaii, we accept your nation's terms for the resettlement of the Earth Sheep clan. Word has been dispatched to our displaced people, and they eagerly await whatever form of transport you may be able to arrange for them.

To assure you of our agreement, we have received the following commentary from the Prophet on your nation's Terms:


The DPK Territory, like all Gaffaen Territories will have its own administration, border controls etc.


We are gratified to see that this is in accord with our peoples' desire for autonomy.


DPK nationals will not usually be considered Gaffaen citizens, citizenship must always be earned, however, DPK nationals are free to travel other Kawaiian colonies with a visa, the perogative of their disposal will be donated to your administration.


We do not believe dual-citizenship will be necessary for our people, and thank you for your assurance that our people will be able to communicate with their brethren overseas. We assure you that this will not pose a hardship upon your nation's lines of international communications.


The DPK Territory may have a representative on the Gaffa Territories Council.


We delegate such matters to the Patriarch of the Earth Sheep.


The DPK Adminstration will be responsible for almost the entire running of the Territory, including education and religion. We have but one university in the Gaffa Territories, if you require one we may negotiate this further at another time. It is a matter of definitions I believe.


We recognize this, and note that as education in the Eternal Kawaii is largely privately-run, we do not anticipate conflict with your national educational system.


The Gaffa Territories is an UN Member, therefore all ratified UN Resolutions will apply.


As is the Diaspora Church of the Eternal Kawaii, and through it, the various clans, including the Earth Sheep. We anticipate no difference of opinion there.


The Gaffa Territories Council laws, where applicable, are the only other limits on administrative freedom.


Again, we delegate such matters and their satisfaction to the Patriarch of the Earth Sheep.


There is a citizen-only Gaffaen Police Force and Armed Forces. However, we permit 'privately' employed 'security' and 'militia'.


We assure you the two police and military authorities within the clans of the Eternal Kawaii satisfy these restrictions. The Happiness Police is a private, lay organization, and such Ninja forces as may be levied by the Patriarch, we believe, fall under the definition of 'militia'.


Public transport by DPK nationals must be provided for within Wazingdon State, however, its extent is at your discretion, noting DPK nationals will not be permitted to travel on any other Territory's public transport system. Were we to permit it, we would be descriminating unfairly on other Territory nationals. Public transport in other Territories, also run by DPK nationals, can be negotiated at your pleasure.


Our nation has a proud history of creative and efficient public transport. We are confident that such matters, with the Patriarch's blessing, will be carried out according to your law and custom.


Employment in other Territories of DPK nationals is possible but highly unlikely, the only exception is Wazingdon State, although this is usually limited to citizens. You may pose the same restrictions on other Territory Nationals, in fact it is encouraged.


On behalf of the Patriarch and the Earth Sheep, we ask only that Gaffaen citizens and other Territory nationals be permitted access to the DPK territory unimpeded by Gaffaen law, so that our peoples' tradition of hospitality and such revenues obtained therefrom may be permitted to continue.

Finally, we would like to pass our respects to the other Gaffaen territorials, including the dwarves of Massaya and the Sentient Creatures. We note that accompanying the Earth Sheep will be a colony of Sanrio kittens. Being both dwarfish and sentient creatures, it is our hope that they will serve as ambassadors of goodwill between the people of the Eternal Kawaii and their neighbors.


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OOC

Sorry for the delay here. New Brittonia, the best thing is to scroll back and read the thread, and jump right in. I think the Iron Monkey clan is up next for evacuation.

The Eternal Kawaii (somewhere in the southern forests)

The head of the Wood Snake clan looked up and saw the looming Snefaldian airships lowering from the sky, the large zeppelins growing larger and large above them. A few murmurs of dismay rose up from the crowd of Kawaiians around him, and not a few mumblings of "oh no, not again." The Wood Snake Patriarch, however, raised his voice and said, "Stay calm, people. I see no lightning...hopefully whatever demons that came before aren't with this lot."


The Wood Snake clan milled around on the outskirts of the Snefaldian operation, and Benjamin Tuliak lowered his binoculars, sighing.

"Right, I'll disembark. Chief Esset, Inquisitor Solwen, you're with myself and the guards. Orders to the fleet- perimeters established, prepare for imemdiate loading. I want us to make contact, load up, and get underway as quick as possible."

Security Chief Mehn Esset, a tall dark-haired north Allashan man nodded, buttoning up his high collar and strapping his sidearm on. Inquisitor Talaendil Solwen, the fleet's resident Aatam Nal representative, pushed his grey rabbit-fur hat onto his head and smoothed his long blond hair. Joining the Commodore and his marine guards, they stood staring forward as they boarded the lift and dropped out of the airship, the metallic interior giving way to the breathtaking panorama of The Kawaii's natural beauty.

Once on the ground, Esset barked orders and the party made their way to the flag-bearing Wood Snake Patriarch and bowed.

"Greetings from the Centralized Mountain States of Snefaldia." Tuliak said in accented English. "I am Commodore Benjamin Tuliak, of the Snefaldian Airforce. We are here to bring your people out of Kawaii."

Solwen bowed as well, and once Tuliak had finished he quickly joined in. "Honored Patriarch, we must move quickly before the creatures from the heavens return and harm us all. We are ready to load your people onto our ships- everything is ready, we need only for you to command your people."

Ciengar

Evening was starting to fall at the stolen Altnari vehicle sped into the sprawling, brand-new metropolis of Ciengar City. The Fire Ox clan had wasted no time turning an abandoned airbase and the barren plain surrounding it into a thriving city. Still under construction, of course, but many parts already complete--starting with Station Square downtown, where a huge, cavernous railway station had been constructed. It was the hub of the new Kawaiian Rail network that tied together lines out to three Altanari cities and to the Six Martyrs' International Airport, the old Altanari airstrip reworked and renamed in honor of the pilots who sacrificed their lives during the evacuation of the Fire Ox. Opposite the train station was the massive and glittering Gambling District, an elegant pedestrian walkway lined with brightly lit and gaudily designed casinos. Foreigners didn't have to walk far to spend their money in Ciengar.

The vehicle slowed as it neared Station Square. There had been little traffic, indeed few cars on the city streets at all. It was clear that the clan leaders had planned the city around current Kawaiian theories of urban development, which meant plenty of public transportation and little space for private vehicles. Finding no parking spaces availble, the ANF goons abandoned the vehicle in mid-square and piled out, looking around in distaste. A mixed crowd of Kawaiians and Altanari tourists stopped and stared at them in confusion (among the former) and disgust (among the latter).

Horrible freaking intelligence, the leader of the ANF team (now reduced to two) thought irritably as he stood in the center of the square. No one told us their city would be like this. Screw it, we're here to raise a ruckus. He gave a nod to the other ANF man. The two of them unfurled a flag with the ANF logo on it, and began shouting anti-Kawaiian and anti-immigrant slurs, along with a few choice remarks about the Altanari government which had seen fit to "give our land away to a bunch of cat-lovers".

Nearby, the crowd of Altanari tourists which had gathered began to boo and shout anti-ANF remarks back at them. One of the tourists, a big man with a bit of a belly, stood toe-to-toe with the ANF leader. "What in the seven hells is wrong with you idiots? You're not content with being the laughingstocks of all Altanar, so you have to come here and have the Kawaiians laugh at you too?" the big man bellowed in the ANF leader's face.

"Get out of my face, wide load," the ANF leader shouted back. "At least I'm not a traitor to my country, enriching foreigners who've stolen Altanari land! How much money did you pour into their casino and into their pockets today, you sellout?"

"Stolen? We gave them this land, which no one was doing a damn thing with, and they've built this out of nothing!" an ample woman yelled, standing next to the big man. "D'you have any idea how much they're being here has improved the economy in this area?"

"What I know is that a lot of people forget their pride when someone throws a few solaris at them," the ANF leader shouted, turning red. "There are a lot of people like you who will be a whore for foreign money-"

"Whore? You're talking about my wife, bastard! That does it!" the big man yelled, taking a swing at the ANF leader. The ANF leader easily sidestepped the attack, and punched the man in the back of the head. He dropped like a tree falling.

The Altanari crowd began to yell angrily, and several in the crowd appeared ready to charge at the ANF men.

The Wood Snake Patriarch bowed deeply to the Snefaldian delegates, saying, "Praise the Cute One you've arrived. And not a moment too soon; our supplies are nearly exhausted. We had laid aside everything for our rescue only to have our would-be rescuers depart in a flash without us."

The old Kawaiian looked back towards his people, still hiding among the trees outside the clearing. As they began filing in, he added, "One formality, though, before we join you. Forgive an old man's unreasonableness, but I need assurance that you won't disappear on us either, or deliver us into the hands of slave-traders or Kennyites. What tokens do you bear from the Prophet that you've been sent with his blessing?

The crowd of Altanari tourists, already incensed by the loud and offensive remarks hurled at them by the two ANF thugs, went absolutely livid when one of the thugs assaulted the big Altanari. The fallen man's wife screamed, and one of the tourists, apparently unsuccessful at the gaming tables and not particularly happy about it, lept at the chance to express his frustration. Shouting, "Bastard!" he threw his complimentary Kawaiian luck-kitten statuette at the ANF leader. It was a lucky shot; had the statuette been of something more substantial than hollow plastic, the ANF leader would've taken a serious head injury. As it was, he only received a smarting blow, enough to draw his attention to the would-be defender of Altanari tolerance.

That was all it took to set off the crowd. By the time the Happiness Police had arrived, a full-scale brawl among the Altanaris was underway. The sailor-suit clad young ladies, expecting at the most to confront some angry, shouting poor losers from the casinos, stood helplessly by as fists were flung and kicks were shot.

It was at this point that Kawaiian popular justice intervened. Watching in horror as their beloved public serenity was being spoiled by a vulgar brawl, Kawaiians from all over Station Square rushed to separate the Altanaris. What followed was a scene worthy of a Jackie Chan movie, or at the least, Kung-Fu Hustle. Martial arts being the national pastime of the Eternal Kawaii, nearly every Kawaiian male (and quite a few females) were trained in it to varying degrees. Some of them, members of the Red Ox paramilitary Shirt Ninja, were highly adept. Soon Altanaris, both ANF goons and tourists, were being flung apart and felled by expert and colorful maneuvers such as the Roaring Chopstick Nerve Pinch, the Savage Mantis Spin and the Fortunate Patriarch Chop.

The whole thing was over in a matter of minutes. The two ANF members were laid out on the square, barely conscious. Nearby them were about a dozen Altanari tourists, looking not much better. The crowd of Kawaiians stood around them, all bowing deeply and apologetically, chanting "gomen nasai, gomen nasai!" as the Happiness Police took charge of the now pacified situation.

The Wood Snake Patriarch bowed deeply to the Snefaldian delegates, saying, "Praise the Cute One you've arrived. And not a moment too soon; our supplies are nearly exhausted. We had laid aside everything for our rescue only to have our would-be rescuers depart in a flash without us."

The old Kawaiian looked back towards his people, still hiding among the trees outside the clearing. As they began filing in, he added, "One formality, though, before we join you. Forgive an old man's unreasonableness, but I need assurance that you won't disappear on us either, or deliver us into the hands of slave-traders or Kennyites. What tokens do you bear from the Prophet that you've been sent with his blessing?

Tuliak looked shocked for a moment, turning to his religious advisor with a trying smile.

"<Tokens from the prophet? Slave-trading Kennyites? Disappearing rescuers? What is he talking about?>"

Solwen shrugged, looking confused. "<I have no idea! Maybe they mean something from that place our man in the United Nations was talking about...> the Stranger's Bar,< isn't it?>"

He said the name of that famous establishment untranslated, since there wasn't a Bagura word for it. Perhaps the Patriarch would recognize the location of the last remaining Shrine of the Manifestation and realize the Snefaldians weren't going to stick them on a barge in the middle of Paradise City.

Solwen shrugged, looking confused. "<I have no idea! Maybe they mean something from that place our man in the United Nations was talking about...> the Stranger's Bar,< isn't it?>"

The Wood Snake Patriarch looked at the two Snefaldians in confusion, trying to make sense of their foreign babble. Apparently they were talking about the Stranger's Bar? He had heard of the place, of course; the Shrine of the Manifestation was well-known to all Kawaiians. The old man bowed and spoke up again, saying, "You have come from the Shrine, then? Do you intend to take us there?"

Tuliak turned back, looking a bit more confused.

"To be honest, we hadn't planned on it... we were supposed to take you back to our country and find a place for you to live..."

"But if you'd like to go to the United Nations," said Solwen, "I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem to organize a little pilgrimage."

Chief Esset clenched his fists a little, and Tuliak looked ready to die.

"<Are you insane? We can't just appear above the United Nations with a fleet of airships and penitent Kawaiians! Those Flibbleite puppets might shoot us out of the sky with the AA guns DEFCON installed! Hell, I don't even know how to get to the UN sovereign territory... warp holes and portals and all that hooey!>"

Solwen just smiled. "<Then let's hope they want to go to Snefaldia.>"

The Inquisitor bowed. "Honored Patriarch, let me explain. We were contacted by your government, and our leaders have decided to grant you an enclave and representation in Snefaldia. We were going to have you pick out your new homeland on the way to our country."

It took some long explanations from the Inquisitor and his compatriots before the suspicions of the Wood Snake Patriarch were allayed. Finally he nodded and waved his hand, giving the signal for his people to come out of hiding. A pretty motley crew of Kawaiians emerged from the brush, carrying or pulling along their possessions. They looked pretty thin; most of them didn't appear to have had a decent meal in days.

"So, gentlemen," said the Patriarch with glum smile, "let us see our new home."

It took some long explanations from the Inquisitor and his compatriots before the suspicions of the Wood Snake Patriarch were allayed. Finally he nodded and waved his hand, giving the signal for his people to come out of hiding. A pretty motley crew of Kawaiians emerged from the brush, carrying or pulling along their possessions. They looked pretty thin; most of them didn't appear to have had a decent meal in days.

"So, gentlemen," said the Patriarch with glum smile, "let us see our new home."

"<By the Motions!>" Solwen gasped at the sight of the Kawaiians, who looked more like prisoners of war than refugees. "<What monstrous spirits would do this?>"

Tuliak nodded at the Patriarch. "Thank you. We'll move as fast as we can and get your people some food. We don't want any surprises."

He snapped to Chief Esset, who turned on his heels and raised a baton in the air, revealing a red flag, then waving it to the ground crews.

"<Allright! Let's get these people boarded! Get the galleys hot, these people need food! Move move move!>"

The ground crews sprang into action, pulling out their own red flags and running to the bedraggled Kawaiians, waving and gesturing toward the parked airships while others loaded up their supplies and belongings to load into the bellies of the Snefaldian airfleet. Like tourguides, the flag-waving crews parcelled off groups of refugees and moved toward different airships. When they got into the air they would be able to document and record the number and dispotition of the group; but the prime goal was to get them on and up as fast tas they could before those monsters showed up.

The whole process toook roughly 40 minutes, and at the end the only people remaining were Tuliak, Esset, Solwen, the Patriarch, and a few others. Solwen shouted some orders and marines sprung forward with spades, constructing a small platform out of the earth and placing a flat stone, about 4 feet by 3 feet, onto it.

Solwen adjusted his vestments, stepping up onto the platform and placing some blue candles and an incense burner on the stone. Tuliak and Esset dropped to a knee as the religious man did this, moving their hands in rhythmic mantras. Solwen lit the candles, then the incense in the burner, lifting it by silver chains and swinging it to release the sweet smells of sandalwood, cinnamon, myrhh and cedar.

"O spirits of the earth and sky, we have answered the call of these lost people and come humbly to help them. Grant us safe passage and return."

Putting the burner down, he raised his hands and began to move, looking like a combination of Tai Chi and Buddhist Mantras, his fingers bending and his wrists rotating, arms raising up and down and turning on his heel. After a minute or so he returned, bowed low at the waist, and stepped off the platform. As quickly as it had been built it was taken apart and the earth smoothed over.

"Now, let us go. It will be a long flight to Snefaldia."

While the Happiness Police pondered what to do with the ANF rabblerousers who had sparked the whole mess, several of the Altanari tourists stirred slowly, wincing in pain and groaning. One of them looked at the profusely apologizing Kawaiians. "We should be apologizing to you instead, for causing such a ruckus. But you see how those people are," he said, pointing at the ANF men laid out on the ground. "They could make a pacifist throw a punch," the tourist grumbled, holding his head and looking like the only thing he wanted in the world at that point was a nice dose of painkillers.

Another one of the Altanari tourists, wincing as well, looked up at the Happiness Police from her seat on the ground. "Are we in trouble, officers?" she asked nervously, rubbing her shoulder.

---

Fort Olen, Ael Khalas

The Royal Altanari Air Fleet's Space Forces Unit had managed to track down the ANF team's movements just in time to watch the almost cinematic enforcement of Kawaiian order through one of their high-powered observation satellites. "Wow. I really should have made some popcorn," one of the airmen murmured, then shut up after a disapproving look from his commanding officer. The CO sighed to himself, then picked up a phone.

---

Argalia City

At the Ashakiya, Prime Minister Jinella Agaranth was struggling to remain polite as she engaged in a heated discussion of the government's federation proposal with members of her own political party. "I understand this is not quite what you expected us to propose, but surely you can see its merits..." she said in a strained voice as the other AUP members looked skeptical.

An aide walked up to Jinella, looking nervous. "Madam Prime Minister, I'm sorry to interrupt, but you have a message from the SFU at Fort Olen. They say it's urgent."

Jinella bit her tongue just as she was about to say something nasty. "Thank you. I'll take the message in the communications room. Excuse me," she said to the stonefaced AUP members. Upon returning, she made a beeline to where King Aelkyn was sitting, trying to defend the government's proposal to other AUP members. "Your Majesty, if I may have a word...." she said softly.

Mildly curious, Aelkyn excused himself and walked to the side with Jinella. "The ANF infiltration into Cienegar ended worse than we thought it would. They instigated an all-out riot in the middle of Cienegar City. The Kawaiians had to break it up," Jinella said without preamble. "In addition, we believe they may have stolen a vehicle and attacked a power generation facility near the city..." Jinella paused suddenly, as a look of anger crossed the King's face like none she had ever seen before.

"Those uncivilized...uncontrolled....immature idiots...." Aelkyn said furiously, then lowered his voice as people looked uneasily towards him. "That tears it. The ANF will not be allowed to sully the good name of Altanar anymore. Execute the containment plan at once. And send our apologies on my behalf to the Patriarch," Aelkyn growled and stalked back to his seat at the conference table.

---

One hour later, locations throughout Altanar

The Altanari National Front had always prided itself on being tough. They fancied themselves to be streetwise, hardened warriors who could take on anyone, anywhere, anytime. They had no idea what they were about to face.

At every known ANF facility throughout Altanar, the Royal Altanari Defense Forces swarmed over their defenses in a superbly coordinated strike. The Royal Guards, Altanar's elite military force, led the assaults. While some of the ANF members were former police or military, most of them were just civilian thugs. And even the former military among the ANF's ranks were not exactly in shape or in practice most of the time. Against the best that Altanar's military could produce, they stood no chance. They fared worst when Akamian or Argali soldiers serving in Altanar's military faced them...the Akamians and Argali knew all too well what the ANF's attitude towards them was, and were more than glad to reciprocate.

As the scenes of the nationwide raids dominated the media, Prime Minister Agaranth interrupted her schedule at the hasha to make a statement. Jinella saw no point in trying to sweep what had come to be known as the Cienegar Incident under the rug. She knew fully well that tourists returning from the Enclave would tell the media what had transpired anyway, and it would be all over the news soon enough. The joys of a free press, Jinella thought wryly. But if I beat them to the punch, I can manage this a lot better. Like most of her speeches, it was short and to the point.

"The Altanari National Front, by attacking a sovereign state and neighbor of Altanar, has engaged in an act that is totally intolerable and unacceptable in a world governed by civilized standards. In addition, their hatemongering and xenophobia are an insult to all civilized people of the Altan. Their actions also pose a serious and ongoing threat to the safety and stability of Altanar, and to our relations with other nations."

"Therefore, by Royal Fiat of his Majesty, King Aelkyn, the government of Altanar hereby declares the ANF to be a banned terrorist organization. Membership in the ANF, or participation in ANF activities, shall be cause for imprisonment, deportation or exile under the Treason Act. In his great mercy, his Majesty has decided to grant an amnesty to any ANF members who willingly renounce their membership in this terrorist entity and swear not to engage in any further terrorist activities. We strongly encourage any ANF members to accept this amnesty. When this amnesty ends a month from now, there will be no further such kindnesses shown to the members of the ANF."

"On behalf of his Majesty, and the government and people of Altanar, I would like to extend my personal apology for this incident to the Patriarch of the Fire Ox tribe and the Kawaiian people. The idiocy of the ANF in no way represents what the majority of people in Altanar believe, and it is our hope that the actions of the lunatic moron fringe of our population will not harm our future relations."

(ooc: sorry for the long post, I was feeling marginally creative today.)

The chief Happiness Policewoman looked down at the Altanari tourist, a solemn expression on her face. She nodded and said, "Yes, ma'am. I'm afraid you are."

The young, sailor-suit clad woman then assumed a commanding pose. Holding forth the symbol of her authority, the Mallet of Righteous Correction (it looked rather like a wooden croquet mallet festooned with ribbons), she said in a loud voice, "In the Name of the Eternal Kawaii, Giver of Justice and Mercy. Attend!"

That exclamation was met with confusion by the Altanaris, both on the ground and those that had wandered over to see what the fuss was about. It was met by the Kawaiians, however, with bowed heads and quiet murmuring.

The Happiness Police chief continued, "Know that these Altanari," gesturing with her mallet over the dozen former rioters sitting or lying on the ground, "are hereby charged with Disruption of the Peace and Causing an Occasion of Violence. Summon an Elder that their deeds may be judged!"

Her expression lightened, and she smiled down at the Altanari tourists, saying, "You will wait for him, I hope?"

Some commotion ensued, as the nearby Kawaiians scurried about. Apparently Kawaiian justice was intended to be done on the spot. As the Altanaris on the ground looked about in confusion and worry, one of the tourists nearby stepped forward and addressed the police chief, saying, "Excuse my interruption, Police-san. I've studied a little Kawaiian law, and I think my countrymen there could use some help."

The chief looked at the Altanari man, and said, "You wish to intercede for these people?"

The Altanari shook his heads and waved his hands hurriedly, saying, "no, no...it's just that they may not be familiar with some points of Kawaiian law. I may be able to help interpret for them."

The chief nodded, saying, "They're free to talk to whomever they wish."

The Altanari would-be legal advisor kneeled down before the Kawaiian couple that had been at the start of the fray. The large Altanari man said worriedly, "They're going to try us here and now? Don't we get a lawyer or something?"

The advisor shook his head and said, "They don't believe in lawyers around here. You're expected to defend yourself. And yes, if they can find an elder with jurisdiction soon. I would pretty much count on it--there's always some clan chieftain or old man the locals consider competent to interpret their Law..." he added, emphasizing the word, "...and judge criminal cases."

"They're not going to throw us in jail, are they?!?!" the big Altanari man's wife said with alarm.

"No, they don't have any of those, either," the advisor said. "Look, I can only really offer you two good pieces of advice. The first is that these proceedings are pretty much voluntary. In theory, you could just get up and walk away. However, the second is, and I can't stress this enough, that that would be a very, very, VERY bad idea!"

While the Altanari tourists were discussing their fate, a junior Happiness Police officer rushed up to the chief, holding a piece of paper. The two young women held a hushed conversation, and then the police chief turned to the Altanaris.

"It seems that this is more serious than I thought," she said, gazing over the tourists with a stern expression. "Apparently two of you are wanted on charges of Assault and Theft of Property. If you'd kindly identify yourselves, I will see that you are tried separately."

The two ANF thugs sat quiet and motionless, for all the good it did them. The glares and pointing fingers of the other tourists left little doubt which ones the Altanaris thought didn't belong.

Argalia City

After completing her initial stab at damage control after the Cienegar Incident, Prime Minister Jinella Agaranth realized that there would now be several innocent Altanari citizens in potential legal trouble. The ANF protestors didn't concern her one bit...she actually rather hoped that the Kawaiians did something nasty and painful to them. But leaving the other Altanari citizens to their fate under Kawaiian justice was not going to be acceptable - either personally, or politically, if the Altanari electorate didn't at least see her try to help those citizens out.

She buttonholed Nelron Khiskithy as she was walking back to the federation negotiations. "Can we get our consul in the Enclave to go help those people being detained out?" Jinella asked the Minister of State.

Nelron looked as if someone had punched him in the gut. "Um....we don't have one. While we got the Kawaiians over here and gave them the Enclave...actually sending them an ambassador or building a consulate seems to have slipped through the cracks," he said weakly.

Jinella looked at Nelron in the manner someone would look at a man who had just sprouted three heads, all of which sang ribald tunes off-key. "You mean to tell me, the Ministry of State never established diplomatic relations with a group of people we gave land to establish a sovereign state within our own borders?"

Nelron grimaced. "With the potential change in government here, all of our attention has been focused on the negotiations. We haven't been establishing new relations with anyone for well over a year now. We do have some contacts with the Kawaiians, mostly through the border guard posts...but nothing was ever formalized..."

Jinella rubbed her forehead, wincing. "As if this whole situation wasn't enough of a clusterfuck," she murmured. "Here's what we're going to do. I'm assuming whoever's in charge of the border post that reported this is at least somewhat conversant with how Kawaiian law works? Send that person to the Enclave immediately, with instructions to see if he can assist the detainees with whatever passes for jurisprudence over there. And also empower him to get the ball rolling on establishing some kind of formal relations with our 'neighbors'. And make it fast, Nelron. I don't know how the MoS screwed up this badly, but I'm not taking the political fall for it. Remember - shit rolls downhill." Jinella stalked off, leaving Nelron hastily grabbing for his cell phone and wondering if he'd have a job after this was all done.

---

Royal Altanari Police Border Post #2491

"Let me get this straight. You want me to do what?" RAPF Commander Hasim Nagarith said disbelievingly into the phone. "I'm not a diplomat, Mr. Khiskithy. I'm a police officer. Granted, I have a very basic grounding in Kawaiian law, but not enough to represent anyone in legal proceedings! You need a diplomatic consul, a lawyer, someone like that..."

"Right now, Commander, you are exactly what I say you are," Nelron snapped, cutting the policeman off. "And right now, I'm telling you that you're the best we've got to send over there quickly. Or would you rather have our citizens wait until we can get someone over there from Argalia City or Ael Khalas? I don't think they'd appreciate waiting four hours or more for some kind of legal representation. And it's not like we have Kawaiian law experts popping out of the woodwork either. Now, get moving. You have a job to do," Nelron finished, hanging up on the officer.

Hasim stared at his phone with a mixture of amusement and irritation. Gods-damned politicians. What a clusterfuck, he thought. "Bresgeth!" he barked.

"Yes, sir?" his subordinate said, standing at attention outside the door to Hasim's office.

"Let's go. We're taking a trip. You're driving," Hasim said shortly, walking out the door towards the motor pool.

"Um...where are we going, sir?" Bresgeth asked, confused. "We're going to the Enclave. I get to play at being an ambassador, thanks to the incompetence of the MoS," Hasim responded, realizing that he probably shouldn't have added that last bit but not really giving a damn.

The two of them quickly entered the unmarked, black Crown Victoria that was Nagarith's personal police cruiser, for the short drive to the border with the Enclave. Upon arriving, Hasim spoke to the Kawaiian guards on the other side. "I'm Commander Hasim Nagarith, temporarily empowered to act as representative of the Altanari government until our Ministry of State," damn idiots, he thought, "can appoint and send a formal representative. I am requesting entry into the Enclave to provide assistance to our citizens who have been accused of transgressions upon your laws," Hasim finished, presenting the guard with the printed request to the Kawaiians that had come from the MoS as he was on the phone with Khiskithy.

Ciengar City

The Elder in this case turned out to be the train station manager, a middle-aged Kawaiian whose scrub beard and slight paunch gave him a vague resemblance to a grizzly bear. He didn't appear too happy at being summoned by the Happiness Police, and was quite vocal about it, by Kawaiian standards. "Now what's all this, then, eh?" he said sternly at the assembled crowd. "Really, a man can't have a peaceful supper in this town..."

The chief Happiness Policewoman knelt on one knee before the Elder, bowing her head and planting her ceremonial mallet handle-down before her. She said, "Forgive us for disturbing your peace, Elder, but we have need of your wisdom."

The obviously ritual gesture changed the Elder's mind, apparently. He sighed, and, planting his hands on his hips, said, "Very well. What am I asked to judge, Police-san?"

The Happiness Police chief repeated the charges against the Altanaris to the Elder, and pointed out the two ANF thugs. Handing him the sheet of paper she was handed earlier, she said, "These two, honored sir, are charged with crimes commited outside of town, in the 7th Ward wind farm. We request abeyance of their judgment so that they and their confederates may be tried together there."

The Elder nodded, saying, "Very well then, granted." To the two ANF thugs, he spoke up, saying, "Guests of the Eternal Kawaii. You stand charged with serious crimes. Under the Grace of the Cute One, I ask you to report to the 7th Ward Wind Farm at noon tomorrow to face judgment there. Will you comply?"

The two ANF thugs looked at each other, surprised. The ANF leader grinned broadly and said, "Er, we're not under arrest then, um, Elder sir? We're free to go?"

The Happiness Police chief interrupted, saying, "Honored Elder, these are foreigners. They may not understand abeyance."

"What? Surely you don't expect them to evade judgment?"

"They abandoned their comrades, Elder."

"Hmm. I see your point, Police-san. Very well. Under the Grace of the Cute One, you two are hereby required to spend the night here in Ciengar City. If you have no friends willing to put you up, the Police will buy you a room. You are not permitted to travel outside the city except on your way to judgment. State your business to the bus driver; you will be permitted to travel without charge. You may go now."

The chief ANF thug nodded, saying eagerly, "Sure, sure, we'll be right there on the spot," He nudged his partner and added, "Noon tomorrow, you said? No problem!"

There were several murmurs of dismay from the other Altanaris as the two ANF thugs walked off, accompanied by a pair of Happiness police officers whom they were apparently haggling over the costs of hotels with. "What, you're just going to let them go like that?" the large Altanari man said in amazement.

His friend, the would-be legal advisor, merely palmed his face and muttered to himself, "those idiots...they have no clue, do they?" It wasn't clear who he was referring to.

The Elder stared at the large Altanari man and said calmly, "Are you questioning my authority, sir?"

The Altanari tourist backpedaled quickly, realizing that talking back to a Kawaiian judge was probably not a wise move. Seeing no further outbursts, the Elder continued, "Now then, for the remainder of you. This appears to be a clear-cut case. A riot is no riot without witnesses, and I assume Police-san would not have summoned me if there weren't any. Do you wish to confess and repent now, and agree to penance, or shall we hear their testimony and your explanation?"


Kawaiian Border Post, Ward 12

The Kawaiian border guards looked at Hasim Nagaraith, then at the sheet of paper with his ad hoc credentials. There was some mumbling between the black-clad ninja, and finally the chief of their Hand came out and bowed. Reading over the paper handed to him by one of the guards, he looked curiously at Hasim, and said, "You are seeking...intercession...for a group of your countrymen?" his voice betraying some confusion.

Hasim spoke grimly, "We wish to speak with the Elder regarding sentence. The Government of Altanar claims kinship with the accused."

The Kawaiian ninja chief bowed, saying, "Very well, honored sirs. You may proceed to Ciengar City--I will inform the Happiness Police of your arrival."

As the Crown Victoria sped on into the Ciengar countryside, Bresgeth turned to Hasim and said, "What'd you mean by 'kinship' back there? I doubt very seriously that any royals are vacationing in the Enclave."

"It's part of their law I'm hoping we won't have to invoke," Hasim replied. "Kawaiians have this crazy notion that family members can claim the punishment handed down for the deeds of their relatives. Something to do with those tight-knit extended families of theirs; you're supposed to look after your own blood-kin before turning them over to the police. I just hope we can talk whatever Elder is judging the case into only making it a fine."

Once settled at the hotel, the two ANF men looked around the room to make sure it wasn't bugged. When they believed it was safe to talk, the ANF leader laughed amusedly. "Do these cat-lovers really think we're going to show up tomorrow? This'll be as easy as avoiding a probation officer back home. We're going to hop the bus tomorrow, nice and obedient and everything - but we're getting off before the wind farm, and sneaking back across the border. I'm not about to sit here and let these loonies judge us."

"But what if the bus driver doesn't let us off the bus?" the other ANF man said worriedly.

"Then we'll just have to convince him, won't we?" the ANF leader said coolly. He looked around, before finding a set of plastic toothbrushes in the suite's bathroom. "You still remember how to make a shank?" the leader asked his companion, who grinned evilly.

---

Meanwhile, back at Station Square, the black police cruiser pulled up to what Bresgeth assumed was the group of Altanari awaiting judgment. He exited the vehicle, and opened the door for Nagarith. Nagarith exited the vehicle, looking around for someone in authority.

While the two ANF goons kicked back in their modest hotel room and planned their escape from Ciengar, the crowd of formerly rioting Altanari tourists stood around, figiting. None seemed too keen on taking up the Elder's offer to confess and make short work of their "trial". The evening was wearing on into night, and the Elder stood around, trying his best to avoid fuming at the obvious and (to him) pointless delay. "A simple matter of public disorder should not take this long," he said a little peevishly to the Happiness Police captain.

"Forgive me, Elder-san," the captain replied, using a little more formality than usual. ("Grandfather" would have been the normal address.) "but these are foreigners and probably ignorant of the Law. In the interest of fairness, I think it would be wise to proceed slowly. More quietly, she added, "besides, I've received word that representatives of their government are on their way. A too-hasty judgment may be...impolitic."

The Elder stared at the police captain. Not only was his evening spoiled, but now the Happiness Police were up to their old tricks, treading a fine line bordering on insolence in their zeal for public harmony. "Judgment is my perogative, Police-san," he said, slowly and carefully. "Politics is yours. Find a reason to keep me here, if you think it's that important."

The Happiness Police managed to fill the uncomfortable lull by taking statements from all the local Kawaiians they could gather around as witnesses. After about the twelth story, the Elder finally waved his hand and said, "Enough, please!" Pointing a finger at the large Altanari man near him, he said, "Now. Have you anything to say? Since I haven't heard a confession, I can only assume you wish to dispute Police-san's charges. She's presented her evidence. What have you to say to it?"

The Altanari looked over at his friend the would-be legal advisor. He just shrugged, saying, "I can't help you here. Better make it good."

Before the large Altanari man could muster a reply, though, Bresgeth and and Nagarith pulled into the square. There was a fair amount of commotion as Nagarith walked up to one of the Happiness police officers, who was more than happy to direct him to the Elder.

Nagarith walked up to where the Elder was standing. He stopped a respectful distance from the Elder, and gave a bow. "Honored Elder, I am Hasim Nagarith, Commander with the Royal Police of Altanar. I am here, on behalf of my government, to claim kinship with the accused, and request the chance to discuss the sentence."

While this was going on, Bresgeth walked to where the Altanari tourists were standing. Seeing someone in a familiar uniform seemed to reassure them. "Are you here to help us get out of this?" one of the tourists whispered hopefully to Bresgeth.

"We're here to help intercede on your behalf," Bresgeth whispered back. "We'll help you however we can. But whatever happens, you are responsible for the consequences under the Kawaiian laws."

Upon hearing that, the tourist turned slightly pale, but didn't ask any more questions.

The Elder looked over Nagarith, and nodded, saying, "Well then...finally, a voice of reason. Very well. Understand, Commander-san, that since none of your kinsmen have seen fit to explain their actions, I have no choice but to pronounce them guilty of disturbing the peace and provoking violence. I am willing to make allowance for their ignorance of our customs and the fact that this is their first offense...therefore the customary penance in such matters shall be reduced from ten strokes of the cane to five."

There was an collective gasp from the crowd of Altanari tourists, followed by murmurs of "they've gotta be kidding! what kind of barbaric...?" and so on. Only Nagarith and the would-be legal advisor maintained their composure, the former looking grim and the latter shaking his head and sighing.

Nagarith replied, "Honored Elder, I bow to your wisdom in this matter. But surely we can see a way to resolve this without...further violence?"

The Elder looked at Nagarith sharply and said, "I'm asking for nothing that they will not freely give, Commander-san. They chose to commit violence in our lands, they can choose to confess their sin and accept penance to confirm their honest repentance. You would not deny them that, would you? Or are you asking to take all 60 blows upon yourself on their behalf? If so, I can only call you a brave fool."

Nagarith looked grim indeed, but resolved. "I don't know about brave, honored Elder. And foolish, I may well be. However, if this is the punishment that you deem fit, then I do choose to take their error, and their punishment, upon myself. I came here to protect my kinsmen, whose knowledge of your laws and ways was wanting. I am prepared to accept the consequences of their actions on their behalf."

Bresgeth, who had been listening intently with the crowd of tourists, walked up to stand next to Nagarith. "Commander, if I may, I request permission to take this punishment alongside you. This is a burden you should not have to share alone."

Nagarith gave his subordinate a sharp glare. "I did not ask or order you to take this burden from me, subcommander."

Bresgeth looked levelly at his commander. "I know, sir. But these citizens of Altanar are my kinsmen as well. And with respect, I am an officer of the King as well, and wish to stand in service with you. Sir."

Nagarith seemed to size up his subordinate. "If that is your wish, I admire you and thank you for it, subcommander." Nagarith turned back to the Elder. "Honored Elder, we are the kinsmen of these citizens who have disturbed your harmony. We wish to stand in their stead and accept your fair judgment."

The crowd of Altanari tourists looked thoroughly alarmed and upset at this point, but held their tongues, lest they invite a further punishment for the men who had chosen to intercede for them.

Barring any unforseen attacks, the loading went off without a hitch and the Kawaiians were borne up into the air in the huge airships of the Snefaldian airforce. Tuliak invited the Patriarch and leading elders of the tribe to the conference room, with himself, Chief Eßet, Inquisitor Solwén, and a woman in western-style clothing, a black skirt and black blouse.

She rose, smiling. "Yokoso, Ojiisan. I am Ambassador Premalä Tås, bestowed with plenipotentiary powers to draw up a treaty for the resettlement of your tribe in the Snefaldian sphere. Please, have a seat, and we will get to business. Hopefully, we can work out an agreement before we even arrive!"

She gestured to some chairs, waiting for her guests to take a seat.

OOC: hmmm, im late to the party... i can still come though, right?

IC: Sadrin Darkfire was exhausted. Between debating to try and get non-human rights moving and dealing with the strangers bar, he thought he had earned a break. Deciiding to give the appearance of effort though, he looked through the missives he had left. They all were dull, but he immidiatly stopped when he read the reports of the Kawaiian situation.

Normally people would think that a "dark" culture like that of Ice Forge would laugh at such things, but they would be wrong. Ice Forge knew all too well what it was like pissing off the gods. Not to mention.... the Sanrio kitties were cute! and the Forsaken as a race usually enjoyed cute things. This of course led to him taking advantage of his high power in Ice Forge's governemnt to write out something immediatly.

To: The NSUN Nunicate of the Eternal Kawaii.
From: Sadrin Darkfire, Ambassador and High Lord of Ice Forge.

I have only recently heard of the plight of your fair nation. Firstly i would offer you the condolences of the enitreity of Ice Forge. We as a nation, and as the Turned race, have also experianced the wrath of our god, the great Lich King who created the first undead. If it were not for the generosity of others we would be gone. As such, I would now, on behalf of Ice Forge, extend to you an offer of sanctuary.

Our offer is rather complete. Ice Forge's population is concentrated in four large areas, but there are several areas where it was decreed no Turned shall ever make their home. We would offer you the use of those areas and help in establishing yourselves there. We even have a way to get you there thats not high tech (though if you have something against the magical arts that would be a problem with that method.) The only stipulations would be that we desire an exchange of culture so to speak. Long has the great Lich King instructed us to find another culture worth learning of and allying ourselves with, and we believe that we have found it in you and your Cute One. Contrast is after all, a base part of our very nature as Turned.

In other words, we would wish to learn of your culture, and would offer knowledge of ours in return. The offer need not be taken by you to recieve aid however. I suppose the only other things would be that i would need to know if you take issue with those who are considered "dark", equating "dark" with "evil".

Thinking on all of this actually, i would appreciate if we could meet at some point if you are interested. Please consider it, as even i find myself intrigued by such a thing as this Cute One, who offers balance against the Lich King.

May the Balance and your Cute One keep you safe,
Sadrin Darkfire

OOC: hmmmm, Sadrin does ramble, doesn't he?

The Kawaiian Elder looked at Nagarith and Bresgeth with genuine astonishment. Finally he said, "Indeed. I see the police of Altanar are no less brave than their soldiers. Very well then. Sixty blows were ordered as penance, sixty shall be divided between you."

At this point a couple of the Altanari tourists, two college-aged men who looked like they were on break, stepped forward. One of them said, "Wait a minute. I didn't ask for the cop there to stand in for me!"

The Elder turned to the young man and said, "You confess and accept the penance yourself?"

The young man said boldly, "For me, yeah. I got into this mess myself; I'm not going to let some nanny-state bureaucrat take my lumps for me!"

His friend piped up, scowling at Nagarith, "And me too. Altanar's a free country, we don't need your help!"

The Elder simply nodded, and looked over at the other Altanaris. Noone else looked like they were willing to step up to the challenge, although the large Altanari man started to raise his hand before it was swatted down by his wife.

"I know what you're thinking, dear, and you can forget it!" she hissed quietly at him.

"But dear..."

"But nothing! I'm not going to see you get beaten ten times for my sake. The government man volunteered, let him do his job."

The large Altanari man merely shrugged. The Elder turned back to Nagarith, and said, "Well then. It appears the penance shall be 25 blows for you and your partner, five for your young friends. Since it's getting late, penance shall be abeyed until noon tomorrow. Be here in the square then. Although I'm sure you're not planning to recant, I'd prefer you stay in town. The police will put you up for the night."


---------------


An hour later, Nagarith, Bresgeth and the two young Altanari men found themselves sharing a room at the cut-rate hostel the Happiness Police had arranged for them. The same hostel the ANF men were at; apparently it was a favorite among the economy-minded police. Nagarith stood there, shaking his head as the four tried to make themselves comfortable. "That was a nice gesture, Bresgeth, but a bit rash," he said.

"I couldn't just stand there and watch my commander get beaten half to death," Bresgeth retorted.

"Thanks." He turned to the two young men and said, "Have you ever been caned? I haven't, but I've seen pictures of it. It's not exactly fun--they won't seriously injure us, but we probably won't be sitting for a week."

The young men shrugged. One said, "What the hell. We'll live through it."

The other added, "At least we got a nice jail cell. I don't get it; they didn't bother to build one here?"

Nagarith looked at the young man and said, "You don't know much about Kawaiian law, do you? They don't have jails here. They don't need them. We're going to walk out of here tomorrow and go straight to our beatings."

"Just like that?" the young man replied skeptically.

"Actually, I am confused about that one, Commander," Bresgeth said. "I'm pretty sure the ANF guys they arrested won't be as obliging as you or me. Our hosts here seem pretty naive about criminals. The crime rate here can't be that low, can it?"

Nagarith shook his head. "No, they're not naive. You have to remember--to these people, 'crime' is the same thing as 'sin'. They don't regard what we're going to get tomorrow as punishment. When a criminal here is found guilty, he agrees to confess to his crime and submit to some kind of 'penance' to prove the sincerity of his 'repentance', and that's the end of it." The police commander sighed, and added, "I had hoped it would've been just a fine; we could've taken it out of our operating budget instead of our hides."

The young man gave a derisive laugh. "Sounds pretty naive to me. I mean, what's to keep us from just walking out of here and leaving Ciengar? Their law doesn't apply in Altanar proper."

Nagarith smiled, and said, "Ah, that's where the kitten bares her claws. You're right, Kawaiians expect people to voluntarily comply with their Law. 'Voluntarily'," he added, stressing the quotes around the word. "You could just walk out of this hotel room. But if you did, you'd be declared an outlaw. And outlaws have no rights among these people--they can be assaulted, stolen from, even killed with impunity. I doubt if you'd make it to the border in one piece."

The young man looked at Nagarith, stunned. "You mean they'd...hell, this was just a petty misdemeanor!"

Nagarith scratched his head and said, "I know. As near as I can figure it out, they assume that if you can't be trusted to obey the petty laws, why should they trust you to obey the serious ones?"

"Good god," Bresgeth said quietly. "No wonder they're so polite."

"A nice little system of social control, I'll grant them that," Nesgarith replied.

Bresgeth thought for a moment. "The police didn't bother to tell us this. I guess they figured we knew it already. I'm also guessing the ANF guys aren't planning to make their appointment tomorrow. I wonder if they know that they're walking into a death trap?"

The young man interjected, "Are you going to tell them?"

There were grins all around. A moment later, Nagarith looked stern, and said, "Actually, I'm going to have to. The after-action report on this is going to be messy enough." Gesturing to Bresgeth, he said, "Come on. I think they're just down the hall, if that's the room that Happiness Police woman was standing guard over."

A moment later the two officers stood outside the door where the lead ANF thug and his partner were working on their makeshift weapons. The Happiness Police woman apparently had no problems with the meeting, and Nagarith knocked.

A second later the lead ANF thug stuck his head outside the door. Recognizing Nagarith as a fellow citizen, and assuming correctly an officer of the law, he smiled and said, "Can I help you, sir?"

Nagarith stared grimly at the man. He'd seen glib, insincere smiles like that far too often. He put on his best formal manner, and said, "I've been told that you have an appointment to face the justice of the Eternal Kawaii at noon tomorrow. I'm here as an officer of His Majesty's police forces to urge that you keep it."

"Hey, of course, officer," the ANF thug said, still smiling. "I'm looking forward to defending myself."

Nagarith looked at the man with growing irritation. He said, "Very well then. As an officer of His Majesty's police forces, I'm also obliged to warn you that, if you decide to...change your mind...you will be putting your life in danger, and noone from Altanar will be in a position to offer you aid." He paused, and added, "It may not look like it, but the Kawaiians here take their Law very seriously."

"I'm an Altanari, officer," the ANF thug said, his smile replaced by a scowl. "I take Altanari law seriously. Unlike some others I've met. Now, if you don't mind, officer, my partner and I need our sleep. Appointment tomorrow, remember?"

The ANF thug practically slammed the door in Nagarith's face. Sighing, the police commander turned and walked back towards his room. Bresgeth followed, saying, "Those idiots are going to get themselves killed."

Nagarith nodded, saying, "Well, at least noone can say they weren't warned."

The Wood Snake Patriarch looked around the cabin of the enormous airship, one of many that were ferrying his people to an unknown destination, and at the curiously dressed (to him at least) foreign woman who apparently was chosen to speak with him. Premalä Tås's words seemed fairly reassuring...she was polite, for a foreigner, and the old Kawaiian nodded with satisfaction at her knowledge of correct forms of address. He took the proferred seat, and said, "My thanks, ma'am. The Cute One's gaze has turned pleasantly upon us, it seems, after such trying times.

"Our needs are modest," he continued. "The 15,000 or thereabouts of our families used to occupy a single city of our homeland. We are willing to build another upon such lands you may be able to offer. The Prophet has sent word that the treasury of the Eternal Kawaii, moneys the otaku had expropriated over the years and invested overseas, is available to help finance our reconstruction. We are to use it wisely, though--ours sadly is not the only tribe needing evacuation."

Premalä Tås nodded, saying, "We understand. Your Nunciate at the UN has already been in touch with our embassy there. Letters of credit have been drawn up; we need only decide on the location of the new settlement."

"We are grateful, Ambassador-san," the old Kawaiian replied. "Let us see to the maps, then. However, of more importance to us is the relationship between our two peoples. What guarantees did your leaders pass to our Nuncia reguarding our peoples' freedom to practice our religion and uphold our Law? Or, does your plenipotentiarial authority extend to granting such guarantees in person?"

The following day, the sun beamed down on Nagarith, Bresgeth and the two young tourists as they stepped outside to head to Station Square. Nagarith took that as a good omen. This is going to suck....really, really suck, the police commander thought as he led the small group to the square. But I'm not exactly a stranger to pain, so I'll live.

Bresgeth, walking behind Nagarith, was not quite so content. Unlike his commander, he was still a relatively young officer, and hadn't experienced pain on the intimate level that his boss had over decades of combating terrorists, criminals and the other assorted dregs of Altanari society. I wonder just how badly this is going to hurt, Bresgeth thought, then steeled himself. I can't falter. I have to represent the uniform and the Service properly here.

As for the two tourists, they walked to their fate with a mixture of youthful braggadocio and sheer ignorance of what it meant to be caned.

On their way to the square, Nagarith and Bresgeth watched as the two ANF men boarded a bus to head down to the wind farm. Those idiots, Nagarith thought derisively.

"Think they'll go accept their punishment?" Bresgeth asked wryly. His commander gave a brief smirk. "I think they'll do something spectacularly stupid instead. But that's what the ANF tends to do, isn't it?" he replied.

The group arrived at the square, and stood in a line to await the Kawaiian "penance".

---

While the small group waited at the square, the ANF men sat in silence as the bus made its way towards the wind farm. They didn't need to say anything...they had made their plans ahead of time, before leaving the hostel. There were two options, and as the bus neared the stop for the wind farm, the ANF leader assessed the situation and made a subtle hand signal to his companion.

As the bus sighed to a halt, the two ANF men walked forward casually, as if to exit the bus at the stop.

When they reached the driver, the ANF leader stopped, as if to ask the driver a question. With a lightning-fast move, he placed his makeshift shank at the driver's throat. In a loud voice meant to carry to any passengers on the bus, he barked out, "I know you Kawaiians are all kung-fu masters and all that crap, but I can still have this shank through the driver's throat before you can blink. So stay in your seats like good little cat-lovers, and no one needs to die here."

The other ANF man placed his weapon at the back of the driver's throat. In a cold voice, he told the driver, "You will drive us to the border. Now."

The diplomat nodded. "I am fully empowered to make the necessary arrangements. Our intention is for the establishment of a semi-autonomous state of the Kawaiian people within Snefaldia proper- currently we have five major regions with limited sovereignty and one Semi-autonomous territory. Outside of the mainland we have several other Semi-autonomous territories."

She handed some papers to the Patriarch.

"This elaborates more closely on the situation... but the basic arrangement is for your people to settle in one of the areas in Snefaldia and be incorporated into our polity. Since your people have a special history, you will be given full autonomy over your own areas and three reserved seats in the Tuhran Bel, our national government assembly. The title designated is rather boring; Kawaiian Autonomous Territory is somewhat dry."

The four Altanari penitents arrived in Station Square an hour ahead of schedule, only to find an almost circus-like atmosphere there. Apparently Kawaiian "atonements" were considered public affairs, and a large crowd of Kawaiians--and not a few curious Altanari tourists--had gathered in the square that morning. The two younger men stared in surprise and dismay as they saw that a film crew was assembling in front of the poles where apparently their penance was to be carried out. As they approached, they were met by the old Kawaiian who'd been their judge the previous night. One of the young men said, "Uh, your honor...we're going to be filmed doing this?"

The Elder nodded and said, "Telecast, actually. It's standard practice for offenses against the public." Seeing the dismayed look on the young man's face, the old Kawaiian looked puzzled and added, "I'm afraid I don't understand...you disapprove?"

"Well..." the young man said, before Nagarith cut him off and replied, "We have no objections, honored sir."

The young man turned to Nagarith, and said, "You didn't tell us about this part. We're supposed to be entertainment or something, as well?"

Negarith hmmed, and said to the Elder, "Honored sir, you could explain it better than I. This is part of our penance, correct?"

The Elder nodded, and said, "Indeed. Your young friend should be honored. It used to be that penitents could only prove themselves to a handful of witnesses at a time. Nowadays, the whole tribe can witness your atonement." Looking over at the young man, he added with a smile, "Look good for the cameras, son. It'll reflect better upon you should you come before me again."

The four men were led to a small trailer that had been brought to the square, and told to go inside and dress for the occasion. In keeping with the Kawaiian tradition of doing everything in "the proper way", apparently penitents were required to wear an appropriate uniform. This proved to be a fundoshi, a large padded loincloth affair that concealed just enough of the body to be decent. Along with it was a padded belt worn around the waist. Bresgeth glanced at the others and smiled in spite of himself, saying, "Great...we look like a bunch of sumo wrestlers."

Filing out, they faced the Elder, who started briefing them on their upcoming penance. Looking over their outfits, he said, "Good...good. I would recommend tightening the sashes a little." Pointing to one of the young men, he added, "You have the belt backwards--the padded side goes on your back. It's to protect your kidneys, after all.

"Now, then. I'm going to assume that you've never been through this before," he continued, the four men nodding swiftly in agreement, "so here is what to expect: You penance will proceed in pairs, the five blows first, then the twenty-five. Your wrists will be tied to that crossbar overhead--purely a safety measure; we don't want you stumbling and getting a blow to the wrong area. The blows shall land on your back, buttocks or thighs, neither below nor above them, and not on the lower back. They will be in random locations and times, but no less than ten nor more than thirty seconds apart. For you two," he added to Nagarith and Bresgeth, "there will be short breathers between sets of five strokes. The caners will switch out between sets."

The Elder pointed over to the small group of Kawaiian men who apparently were drafted to carry out the penance. Curiously enough, they were the same bunch as testified the previous night. Apparently Kawaiian justice prescribed that the victim of a crime--or in the case of a public one, the witness to it--was responsible for seeing the penance carried out. The other young man looked at this in shock and turned to Nagarith, who replied, "Don't worry. They're not out for revenge. They won't shirk, but they won't go overboard with it--it'd be too...'impolite'."

Nagarith's prediction seemed valid; the Kawaiian caners were taking turns bowing to them and saying "gomen nasai". They seemed almost as nervous and upset about the whole affair as the four Altanaris.

Turning back to the four Altanaris, the Elder asked, "Are you ready?"

They nodded, and the two young men stepped forward to be hooked up to the crossbar. They grinned nervously at each other, one saying, "Okay...go for it."

A moment later, the two Kawaiian men assigned to carry out the penance did. There was a sharp THWACK! as the first blows fell across the young men's backs. There actually was no pain felt at the first moment of impact. However, a second later it felt like a hot iron had been touched to the young men's skin. Neither could stifle a cry, although to their credit they managed to choke back the swear words that sprang to mind as the firey pain shot through their bodies. A few seconds later, the second blow struck, lower down, then the third... fourth... and finally, the final stroke, completing the penance. The Kawaiian caners bowed deeply, apologizing again, and hurried away.

The two men slumped against the caning post, groaning in pain as they were unshackled. Bresgeth winced in sympathy as he saw them stagger back to the trailer, where a doctor with ointment and bandages tended to them. Gulping nervously, he looked up at Nagarith and said, "well...this is it, I suppose."

Nagarith nodded, saying, "Like they said last night--what the hell. We'll live through this."

One of the better things about human nature is embodied in the old saying, "a burden shared is a burden halved." Bresgeth gritted his teeth and winced, trying to maintain a stoic silence as the painful welts on his skin multiplied. However, turning to look at Nagarith, and seeing him similarly afflicted, gave the younger Altanari officer an encouraging feeling. The knowledge that he wasn't alone in his pain made it more bearable, and gave him the strength to carry on without crying out as the young men did.

The two men continued their agonizing penance silently, and after about the twelth stroke someone in the Kawaiian audience shouted out, "GANBARE!" A couple of strokes later, other Kawaiians picked up the cry of encouragement, and pretty soon the entire crowd was cheering the two Altanaris on. When the final blows landed, a roar of applause went up, cries of approval that continued as the two men slumped on the pole and had to be nearly carried back to the trailer.


-------------------------------


Meanwhile, on the outskirts of Ciengar City, a busload of passengers to the farms and ranches in the surrounding countryside stared in shock as the two ANF men threatened to murder their driver before their eyes. None were as shocked as the Happiness Police officer who had accompanied the two, and now stood near them, flustered. She had expected trouble, but not a hostage situation. Thinking quickly though, she spoke up, ordering the driver, "Obey the man--take us to the border."

The head ANF man grinned darkly at the Happiness Police officer, and snapped, "Smart girl. We're just going to play it cool here. Don't do anything stupid until we're across the border, and noone gets hurt."

Meanwhile, in the back of the bus, out of sight to the drama unfolding up front, a nondescript passenger was quietly typing a text-message into his cellphone. The Fire Ox Ninja were not oblivious to what was going on. In a few minutes the entire 7th Arm was alerted and gathering towards the road, making plans to intercept the bus should the situation worsen...

OOC: Can I help, although a theocratic democracy that offers partial religious freedom accepting refugees will be interesting.

The Wood Snake Patriarch looked over the papers, nodding to himself and humming softly as he considered the significance of Premalä Tås's words and the details the papers elaborated on. Finally he said, "I see. So my people will be settled in one of your nation's off-shore territories? We shall be grateful--our people are not unfamiliar with the sea. I am, though...not familiar...with the workings of your 'Turhan Bel'. But, as Patriarch I will see that our people are aware of it and to our participation in it."

The form of address Kawaiians give to Sanrio kittens is nekoko-sama, derived from their term for cats, neko. So it was without a trace of irony that the Patriarch said, "Your Excellency, on behalf of my people, I agree to your proposal. Show us to the K.A.T."

Tås nodded. "We can accomodate you in one of the off-shore territories, but I should say that my superiors would much rather have your people settle in mainland Snefaldia... we highly value diversity and ethnic pluralism. I have prepared a list of several areas and their respective climates and dispositions so you may choose for yourself which area is the best."

She pointed to a document in the Patriarch's dossier.



The following areas have been selected as possible habitation regions for the Kawaiian refugees within the Mountain States.

*Teleng Yo, Bae.
Teleng Yo is a large region in the south-east of Bae, at the foothills of the mountains. The climate is subtropical, with a rainy season and a dry season in turn. The soil is rich for farming, but the area has not been mapped for natural resources. Forests and marshes border the area, prohibiting easy access for those unfamiliar with the area, but also providing abundant natural resources with a high replacement rate.

*Maldawang, Sring Ißa.
Maldawang is a region in the north-west of Sring Ißa, at the foothills of the mountains roughly meeting with mallasham and the western provinces. The area is temperate with sparse areas of taiga, with many pine forests and rocky areas. The soil in the valleys is fertile, and mineral resources are fairly rich. The area is unihabited, but mallash travellers from the higher mountain areas travel through the area and have been known to settle there briefly. The mountaineer word for the area is teou Cangir.

*Shash-sha-Eir, Allasha
Shash-sha-Eir is located in the dry region of Allasha, and unlike the other areas is largely desert or mediterranean in climate. Farming is possible with irrigation, but the mineral deposits in the area are very diverse, with easy access to the rich stone of the Zogor Mountains. Fruit, nut, and olive trees are very populous in this area. Rain is infrequent, but a project to extend Saard river tributaries into the area promise to make farming easier.

*Nornál Värlásel, Nēr Dál
Part of what is traditionally the "Southern Country" of Neer Dal, Nornál Värlásel falls into the old realms of Sankrėtœr, also called Sautolien, and was historically impenetrable and the home of rebels to the centralized authorities. The forests of the area are dense and old, with rolling hills and mountains making travel difficult and isolation all but a guarantee. Farming can be done if trees are cleared, but the mineral deposits of the mountains are rich and the forests are wide. The climate is very temperate, with four seasons in order.

*Tås-þer-haɱ, Dayan
Part of the fertile Dayan basin, Tås-þer-haɱ (Taus-ther-hann) has few forests and the richest land of all. The area, like the rest of the Dayan basin, is prone to yearly floods, but most cities and towns are built up on platforms to avoid rising waters. The climate is very temeperate, with four well-defined seasons, and average rainfall. Mineral deposits are very small.

All of the areas mentioned are verified and sworn to be free of dangerous or harmful elements, and that they are exactly as represented.

The ambassador continued. "If you prefer one of the islands, we can easily set you up there. But please, let me explain the Bel. The Tuhran Bel is the 'national assembly' of sorts, made up of 300 religious officials from various parts of the country and various creeds. Largely responsible for debate and religious instruction, the Tuhran Bel is the highest organ of Snefaldian government. Any further information can be explained to you."

OOC: I hadn't even noticed the little acronym pun! excellent!

As the Wood Snake patriarch studies Tas's reports, he thought quietly to himself. Many of the places the Snefaldians were offering reminded him of his people's homeland--remote and mountainous, with deep valleys given over to farming separated by high forested hills. This was a momentous decision, and although he was confident in his authority, such matters were best decided by consensus.

"I see," he said finally. "If Your Excellency does not mind, I would beg a few days while this matter is settled among our people. Your generosity is tremendous; we would not wish to squander it on a hasty choice."


--------------------------------------------


The debate among the elders of the Wood Snake clan lasted several hours. Finally, the Patriarch returned, and bowed deeply to Premalä Tås.

"Maldawang, Your Excellency," he said simply. "Based on your description, it most closely matches the mountain valleys and forested hills of our homeland. We have one question, though--the mallash. Who are they, and will they be concerned if our Law is extended over their temporary abodes?"

“And how did we receive this so late?”, the man wearing the grey suit and a wheat colored tie stood in contrast to his grey hair, his thick grizzled beard. If anything, he looked more like a thin wino in a suit.
“I’m sorry Creed, but when Malachi’s coalition was holding power, he deliberately made his United Nations mission understaffed and underfunded, there so he could be considered as an actual country by the world, underfunded so that all the office’s thirty or so staff and the ambassador could only do is vote when the assembly met in October. Honestly, except for Jean-Luc Piccard, the entire Holy Republic didn’t take a side, we just voted present on everything, once again, just to have a voting record again.”, said the short woman who was in her early thirties, her golden headscarf covering her hair entirely.

“Please don’t remind me about him. Honestly, and no offense to you, I sometimes regret succumbing to our partisan politics.”, said Creedence Clearwater, the President of the Holy Republic of the Stone Temple while handing the miniature DVD to his colleague, Foreign Minister Sarah Fox.

Sarah hesitated; she flattened her headscarf and then took the disc. She knew, although that she did not want to admit it, that the reason that she was chosen to this post, with little political experience whatsoever, was that the reason she has this post was that the liberal reformists wanted someone that was also liberal to be used as ammunition, and the choice as a woman Foreign Minister made it a heat seeking missile to be periodically fired at the conservatives when they criticized her for her gender.

“I think it is time to go now”, was all that the foreign minister could muster.


-----


The video began with the traditional countdown sequence that most movies begin with, and then oddly turned black, and then the opening to Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry” played past the darkness for about ten seconds. Later, the screen for a second turned pure white, and the picture went back on.

The picture looked not the best, and despite its high quality format, the video looked like it was from the early 1980’s, which, given the A/V equipment, that was probably when everything was purchased.

The camera zoomed out, and an image of a man who looked like he was in his early sixties, it was the beard and grey hair that threw the viewer off. If he was clean shaven, it would be obvious that he has his actual age, fifty-three. The man was still wearing his grey suit jacket and his wheat colored tie. On the video, underneath the image of the man was the phrase, written in white lettering,

“Creedence Clearwater- President of the Holy Republic of the Stone Temple”

This white phrase was on the screen for thirty seconds, and then vanished. The man was sitting behind a wooden desk with a six inch miniature flag of The Holy Republic, the sky blue, maroon, and violet tricolor, on top of it.

“Hello, I am Creedence Clearwater, President of the Holy Republic of the Stone Temple. Due to… internal and administrative problems, we could not be able to receive news of your nations… plight. However, I hope that you will not deny our aid package to you. Well, let us begin. Now you, of course need to settle your refugees into the Holy Republic, the exact numbers can be negotiated over later. Now, you wish to have a ‘nation-within-a-nation”. I honestly do not know how that will be possible. I could imagine something such as Kawaiians living in the Holy Republic, and a regional government sets up from there. Still, that will have to be negotiated later.
Now, legally the Holy Republic is a theocratic democracy. I will tell you that you have no need to fear persecution. We give representation and respect to other, minority religions, and no Kawaiians would find the respect that the Templars give if you went to a nation with complete separation of church and state. Our Supreme Leader is High Priest Micah Flat, who is in control of the religious aspect of government. That branch is not ceremonial, it has real power, but it tends not to exercise it.
We have the typical laws, taxation and penalties for murder, burglary et Cetera so our legal system is nothing to worry about, and as far as taxes go, with the Liberal-Libertarian Union’s taking of power, they will be lower and freedoms will be higher. Now, your dietary laws that I have heard of, they are tending to go towards vegetarianism. In the Holy Republic, it is illegal to kill a bird, even worse to eat one. This is because birds have been regarded as messengers of the unnamed God, and it is unheard of to actually eat one. Now, when you come here, mayors and the work will try to give you ornate paintings of birds, that is considered a sign of respect, as it is honorable to give paintings of the unnamed God’s holy messengers.
You have signs of modesty. I will reassure you that our nation is similar. Women, when in public, have to wear a headscarf, as modesty, although enforcement varies. Men are encouraged to wear some sort of head covering also. You also do not approve of public displays of affection. There is no law against that, but culture kind of dictates against it.

I do hope that you can see our similarities together, and I hope that an agreement that is favored by both of us can be arranged. Thank you, goodbye, and good luck.”

The screen then slowly faded to black, the film was over.

Back at Station Square, Nagarith and Bresgeth, and the two tourists, waited wearily at the trailer as the doctor tended to their injuries. The Altanari tourists that had witnessed the spectacle clustered near the trailer, giving quiet praise to the men for what they had endured. One of the tourists, however, only stuck around long enough to give a little bit of encouragement to the men before grabbing his wife's hand and practically dragging her back to their hotel. A small video camera dangled from his other hand.

"Do you always have to think about work? We're supposed to be on vacation!" his wife asked, though not entirely unkindly. She had come to accept her husband's obsession with his work long before.

The man simply gave his wife a wry grin as he hustled her back to their hotel. Kieran Kasparak was one of Altanar's most well-known commentators and writers, and he hadn't achieved that by being lazy. He wasn't about to start now.

Within minutes of arriving back at the hotel, Kasparak had uploaded the raw, unedited footage he had shot of the caning to his website, along with a few well-chosen words describing the "strength of Altanari police in the face of harsh Kawaiian justice". Only a few minutes after that, the story began to spread like wildfire all over the Altanari media.

---

The bus lurched along the road, the steppe seeming to stretch forever. This is taking too damn long, the ANF leader thought. "Can't you make this thing go any faster?" he barked at the driver, the typical Altanari disdain for public transport showing through.

The other ANF man smirked....until he noticed people gathering near the road. "What the fuck?" he said, his expression wary.

The ANF leader noticed the people on the road at that point. In a low voice, he told the driver, "If anyone tries to block us, you'd better go right through them," he warned, poking the man's neck gently with the makeshift weapon to emphasize his warning.

The Nuncia of the Diaspora Church of the Eternal Kawaii sat with her secretaries, watching the brief video'd message from the Stone Temple. A few moments after the film ended, she finally broke the silence and said, "Well. They seem nice enough."

"I'm not sure, your grace," her First Secretary replied. "A theocratic democracy? I'm not even sure how that's supposed to work. From what our sources tell us, 'democracies' are basically rule by the mob. Their religious doctrine must be debased beyond belief if it's decided by vote."

"I'm not sure that's what they meant," the Second Secretary countered. "They have a supreme spiritual leader; I can only conclude that he permits some rule-setting by the laiety in minor matters. The Prophet has done similar in delegating authority to the Patriarchs."

"He is offering to respect our beliefs...remarkably broad-minded of him," the Nunci observed. "I think we should take him up on his offer. If not full autonomy, perhaps we can work out a deal for limited self-rule."

"Well, I for one am not wearing a headscarf," the First Secretary said firmly. And with good reason, her purple hairdo was improbably wild, even by Kawaiian standards--she'd be hard-pressed to fit a cloth over it even if she wanted to. Although committed to personal modesty, the Kawaiian view of it did not extend to hiding their marvelous technicolor coiffeurs.

"I don't think they'll make a fuss over that," the Nuncia replied. "I am curious about their ban on killing birds, though. Hopefully they're not against merely taming them, otherwise our people won't be able to hold funerals there."

The three Kawaiians debated well into the afternoon, until finally it was decided: A missive would be extended to President Clearwater, accepting his offer of refuge for the Iron Monkey clan of the Eternal Kawaii.

The Altanaris' penance was broadcast live, however, due to distance and the low power of the TV transmitters in Ciengar City, very few Altanaris received Kawaiian programming directly. Thus it was that Kasparak's colorful "websclusive" was picked up and broadcast to practically every Altanari home long before the "official" Kawaiian version was delivered to the Altanari media. As a result, two competing versions of the same story ended up being shown, and the political pundits in Altanar were having a field day comparing the two and coming up with theories as to why the "unofficial" and "official" versions varied.

The Kawaiians themselves were totally oblivious to the sensation. To them, this was a routine police matter; the only thing newsworthy was the fact that foreigners were involved.


---------------------------


Meanwhile, the two ANF men stared uneasily at the surrounding countryside as the bus they had hijacked sped on towards the Kawaiian enclave border. They had been spotted, that was obvious. Every 50 yards or so a black-clad ninja was standing near the side of the road, looking at the bus as it went past. No attempt was made to stop the bus's progress, but the silent message spoke volumes--the ANF men's path was fixed. There was no other clear exit except down the road, towards the border post and the waiting Altanari and Kawaiian authorities.

The Altanari media was, indeed, having a field day over the canings of Nagarith, Bresgeth and the two tourists.

A headline in the right-wing newspaper Altanar Ascendant showed a picture of Nagarith and Bresgeth being caned, with a huge headline screaming "SHAME". The newspaper went on to castigate the Royal Police officers for "meekly submitting to being flogged by foreigners". The newspaper also declared that "when Bresgeth and Nagarith submitted so shamefully, it was all of Altanar that found itself strapped to a pole and beaten. For two Royal Police - officers of the nation and the King himself - to submit to such shame was to have the honor of every Altanari flayed to bloody shreds for the whole world to see."

The newspaper of the Altanari Socialist Workers' Party, Solidarity Under The Sun, responded with its own viewpoint: it was the tourists who rioted, not the police, who shamed Altanar. "The tourists should have been the ones beaten, and our police should not have intervened. The tourists are the ones who disrespected a foreign nation's laws and culture, and they should have taken every one of those blows. Why did the fat, happy, wealthy yuppie tourists merit such special treatment?"

Outside of the far-left and far-right media outlets, the general consensus of the Altanari media seemed to agree on four things: Nagarith and Bresgeth were national heroes for demonstrating such bravery and protecting their fellow citizens from the caning; the tourists who were caned were brave too, but they deserved what they got for rioting; the tourists that rioted embarrassed the nation and should have showed more self-control; and that it was a very, very bad idea to break the law in the Cienegar Kawaiian Enclave.

As to the question of whether or not the Kawaiian punishment was fair, or even civilized, Kasparan himself had this to say: "Their laws, and their punishments, are definitely harsh. Some Altanari might even call them barbaric. But no matter what, it's their right to have the laws and punishments they wish, and when you break the law in another country, you're an idiot if you expect them to play by Altanari rules. The world doesn't work that way. And if you go to another country and break their laws, you should expect to pay the price. After all, it's not like we give foreigners who break the law here in Altanar a free pass."

---

The bus eventually arrived at the border post, a cloud of dust marking its passage. The Altanari authorities, and their Kawaiian counterparts, were waiting.

The two ANF men ordered the Happiness Police officer to wait on the bus, while they exited with the driver. They walked to the border. Several Royal Police were waiting on the other side.

"We'll let this Kawaiian go, on the condition that you take us into your custody," the ANF leader shouted to the Royal Police from several feet away. "If you don't, we'll take him out right here and now. We're not handing ourselves over to a bunch of foreigners to be judged."

The Royal Police nodded, to signify their agreement. The ANF men crossed the border with the driver, then released him as soon as they reached the police. The police quickly and efficiently handcuffed and placed leg irons on the two ANF men.

"Allright, officers, take us away," the ANF leader said with a grin, waving at the Kawaiians across the border mockingly.

"I'm afraid it's not that simple," another voice said. A tall, blondhaired woman walked up to the group. The ANF men blanched suddenly, recognizing her.

Lisa Shannon Gerasnak, Altanar's Minister of Justice, favored the men with a cool smile. "Your little escapades have attracted quite a bit of attention, gentlemen. In fact, the King himself noticed. He asked me to give you this message."

Gerasnak reached into her briefcase, and extracted a document. Not the usual computer-printed documents of the government's daily business, but an actual, hand-written scroll of parchment. She read from the scroll in a loud voice meant for everyone present - Altanari and Kawaiians alike - to hear.

"By order of His Altanari Majesty, King Aelkyn of House Aranathas, Lord of Ael Khalas, Guardian of Nalioka, Protector of the Constitution and Defender of all Altanar, its associated states and colonies, this Royal Fiat is issued and declared to have the force of law effective immediately, under the eternal authority of the Sovereign of Altanar.

For the act of treason, to wit, being members of a banned terrorist organization that threatens the stability, order and harmony of the Constitutional Monarchy of Altanar, the two individuals who are subject to this Fiat are hereby Exiled from any and all Altanari holdings. It is Our Will that these individuals shall be stripped of all citizenship and rights pertaining thereto, and shall no longer be entitled to any protections granted to the citizens of Altanar.

As the two individuals in question have most shamefully violated the laws of the Eternal Kawaii, and caused grievous harm both to individuals and property of that esteemed neighbor of Altanar, it is also Our Will that the destination of their Exile from Our lands shall be the Cienegar Kawaiian Enclave, there to face justice for the offenses they have committed.

The people of Altanar cast you out. You are no longer of us."

Gerasnak rolled the scroll back up, and placed it back in her briefcase. "Enjoy your trip back to Cienegar, gentlemen. I'm sure the Kawaiians are most eager to see you once more."

The ANF men began trying to struggle as the Royal Police forced them back to the border, but they were very effectively immobilized by their restraints. "You can't do this! Altanar is supposed to be a democracy!" one of the ANF men shouted.

"Yeah! What about the rule of law that bastard Aelkyn is always talking about? He can't just take our citizenship away! We have rights!" the ANF leader yelled at Gerasnak.

Gerasnak burst out laughing. "You saw fit to spit upon the laws of Altanar, threaten its stability, and scorn everything we Altanari stand for, and now you think you have the right to demand that we protect you? You think you deserve rights from the nation that you threatened? Well, we've heard your plea, and here is our considered response: get bent," Gerasnak said sarcastically.

The ANF men were ruthlessly dragged back to the border, where the Royal Police delivered them into the waiting hands of the Kawaiians.

“Ah, okay, umm what is our next plan?”, President Creedence Clearwater asked his Foreign Minister, Sarah Fox.

“I think that we should have some dialogue, we didn’t…”, Sarah said before being interrupted by

“Get much information, I know we need to go there and get that, and don’t pick up the phone. I am planning to go there myself, it will do much more to the Holy Republic’s political clout if I come.”

Sarah itched the top of her head which was covered by her gold headscarf and said nothing, she knew that Creedence Clearwater will not balk on an excuse to go to America.


-----

The following letter was sent to the Kawaiian Permanent Mission to the United Nations:


Greetings,

Madame Nuncia, although I am deeply saddened by your situation, and my nation’s inaction has caused me grief many times, I believe that it is high time to begin to start some positive work towards fixing your people’s predicament. Therefore, I am planning to take a trip to New York City, to personally visit you and your mission’s staff. I wish to reassure you that this is not just a trip to visit the American President George W. Bush, with this meeting at the sidelines. I intend for this meeting to be the focal point of my visit to the United States, and hope for some real progress to begin. Thank you for reading this, and I hope you accept my offer to visit your Nuncia.

Dr. Creedence Fogerty Clearwater
President of the Holy Republic of the Stone Temple

Altanari Ministry of State, Argalia City

"I'd say you may be seated, but I'm guessing you'd rather not," Altanari Minister of State Nelron Khiskithy said to the two Altanari officers.

"The doctors say we're recovering well," Nagarith replied. "For a bunch of amateur draftees, the Kawaiians apparently know how to beat a man properly," he added drily.

Khiskithy nodded, smiling grimly at the joke. He pointed to a newspaper lying on his desk and said, "You two are quite the heroes, apparently. I have no idea what possessed you to do that..."

"Would you rather the papers read 'Altanari Civilians Beaten by Kawaiian Mob'?" Nagarith replied, his mood obviously not improving.

Kiskithy folded his hands and said, "No. No, I suppose you did the best thing possible under the circumstances. Just the same, I've asked your superiors to put you on indefinite sick leave, at least until this blows over. Try to stay out of sight, and more importantly, out of ear-shot of any reporters, if you catch my drift."

"...Thank you, sir."

Khiskithy smiled, and said, "Cheer up, man. You won't have earned those stripes in vain. The Ministry of State knows when to express gratitude, and frankly, we owe you two."

"Owe us?" Bresgeth asked cautiously.

"Indeed. You two were instrumental in letting us manage the ANF problem. Moving decent Altanari citizens through the Kawaiian legal system while those ANF bastards flouted it was the final push His Majesty needed to move against them." Khiskithy chuckled and added, "I only wish I'd been there to see the look on that ANF idiot's face when we handed him over to the Kawaiians."

Bresgeth smiled broadly. Nagarith, on the other hand, was unmoved. Kiskithy frowned, and said to him, "Are you all right? Do you need to see the doctor?"

"No, I'm fine," Nagarith said slowly. "I'm not sure about the Kawaiians though."

"What do you mean?"

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

Kiskithy was a little taken aback by the sudden formality, but he said, "Go on. What's on your mind?"

"Well, sir...I told you I wasn't a diplomat, and I'm not. But you don't have to be a diplomat to see this ANF affair isn't helping Altanari-Kawaiian relations."

Kiskithy frowned again, and said, "How so?"

Nagarith paused, and said finally, "I don't wish to second-guess His Majesty, but declaring formal exile against the ANF and handing those idiots back to the Kawaiians might not have been too well received by them. Aren't we making them do our dirty work for us?"

------------------------------------

Central Steppes Province, Altanar

The five ANF thugs, handcuffed and with bags over their heads, were pulled from the van and stood up inside the ring of Kawaiian ninja. The bags were removed, and the honcho of the 5th Hand, 7th Arm of the Red Ox Clan Shirt Ninja addressed them. "Altanaris," he said, simply. "By your own will you have chosen the way of the outlaw. Know then that your lives among the people of the Eternal Kawaii are now forfeit."

The head ANF man stared at the Kawaiian ninja chief with a look of terror and defiance. Finally, he said, "Well? Are you going to kill us?"

The ninja chief shook his head, and said calmly, "Outlaws you are, but you are also gaijin," using the Kawaiian word for foreigner (and about the closest thing to a swear word Kawaiians are capable of). He pointed to the five, and said, "The King of the Altanari has declared you outlaws as well. Since death awaits you in either case, it is more fitting that you meet your fate at the hands of your own people."

The ANF man stared in disbelief. Finally he said slowly, "...you're...letting us go?"

The ninja chief pointed off down the hillside, where a river meandered slowly through the low hills. "That is the Lifeheart," he said. "It marks the boundary between this part of Ciengar and Altanar proper. It is a five minute walk from here, and I assume you can swim."

Leaning closer, he added softly, "If you're not in the water in five minutes, my men will cut you down where you stand."

In considerably less than five minutes, the five ANF personnel were swimming furiously across the river.

Despite Nagarith's misgivings, Khiskithy, Gerasnak and the man who had thought up the whole exile idea - King Aelkyn - couldn't help but pat themselves on the back for their cleverness. They had taken a golden opportunity to shut down the ANF, their single biggest domestic opponent, and handed some criminals back to the Kawaiians to dispose of as they saw fit at the same time. Along the way, they had the added bonus of creating two new national heroes, Nagarith and Bresgeth, for people to rally behind and make the government look good. All things considered, the powers that be thought, they had taken the lemons the ANF debacle had handed them and made some damn sweet lemonade out of them.

Until a week later, that is, when one of the ANF supporters that had been shipped back to the Cienegar Enclave was caught trying to steal a car in the city of Nalioka.

---

Sivanti Palace, Celavan

"So you're telling me, that after we gave those idiots back to the Kawaiians to judge, that the Kawaiians just released them back across our border?" Aelkyn said incredulously.

"That's what the guy we captured told us, Your Majesty," Gerasnak said, shaking her head. "Apparently, the Kawaiians told the ANF guys that it was 'more fitting' that we take them out."

Aelkyn shook his head as well. "I don't get it. Those idiots committed serious crimes in the Enclave. It would make sense that the Kawaiians would want us to extradite them so they could stand trial. Why would they just let them go?"

Khiskithy sighed. "It makes sense to us, Your Majesty, with our legal system. The Kawaiians do not see things in the same way as we do, and we may have unintentionally dumped our garbage on them to get rid of, so to speak. That's how they may have seen our actions, anyway."

After a moment of silence, Khiskithy asked: "Should we offer some kind of apology to the Kawaiians for misinterpreting the situation, or something?"

"No. Don't say a damn thing. Let's just hope this idiotic mess blows over once and for all. And find all the people that we tried to ship back to the Kawaiians. Do it quietly, and get rid of them without letting the press find out about their...unexpected presence back in our lands. I trust you get the message?" Aelkyn said to Gerasnak, with a tilt of the head.

"Loud and clear, Your Majesty. We'll keep everything about this quiet," Gerasnak said.

"Good. Now, have you found someone to act as our representative to the Kawaiians?" Aelkyn said, turning to Khiskithy.

"Actually, I was thinking we could send our two new heroes over there to do it," Khiskithy said with a grin.

"Two cops? They're not exactly the normal people we'd send on a diplomatic mission," Aelkyn replied skeptically.

"I know, but you have to admit, they handled the situation with the riot skillfully," Khiskithy grinned. "Besides, Nagarith really seems to understand the Kawaiians a lot better than anyone from the diplomatic corps we could send. I'll be honest, I don't get them at all, and I'm the Minister of State. I don't know who else we could send who gets those...erm...neighbors of ours," Khiskithy finished.

Aelkyn pondered Khiskithy's words. "You do have a point I can't argue, since I don't get them either, by the gods," the King said. "Very well, send them off."

---

Mavira resort, city of Marr

Hasim Nagarith reclined lazily on his chair, a nice cold drink by his hand. The seascape of Altanar's coastline stretched out in front of him. I will give the government one thing, they know how to send a guy off on vacation, he thought calmly. The Mavira resort had all of the amenities someone on vacation could desire, and since it normally catered to the ultra-rich, it had a specific amenity most desirable for keeping Nagarith under wraps, iron-clad privacy guaranteed to keep out even the most intrepid or stubborn reporter.

As he pondered the sunset, his subordinate Bresgeth came walking up. "We've got our next assignment, sir. I don't think you're going to like it..."

Nagarith lazily took the datapad that Bresgeth offered him. He read it slowly, then sat upright with a jerk. His drink fell, unnoticed, from his other hand onto the ground.

"They have absolutely got to be kidding. Are you sure this isn't a mistake? A joke? The gods themselves deciding they hate me?" Nagarith said.

"No, sir. We've apparently been drafted as diplomats and as 'official ambassadors to the Kawaiian government, and liaisons between said government and His Majesty's Government'," Bresgeth said with a laugh. "There is one bonus - we'll be getting paid a hell of a lot more than cops make."

Nagarith scrolled down the datapad to the section that showed his new pay grade and position within the Altanari government's sprawling structure. A big smile broke out on his face. "Hmm. Maybe this won't be so bad after all," he said with a laugh of his own.

The ambassador smiled, filing her papers away.

"An excellent choice- Maldawang is a very beautiful are. I believe I have a picture of the Arzawa valley here... ah, yes. (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/sring_valley.jpg) I've been there once myself- it's absolutely gorgeous in the summer."

She smiled, and gave the Patriarch the picture.

"The mallash have a careful relationship with the central government of Snefaldia. Though most are not citizens, the law gives them the right to come and go as they please in our lands as long as they do no harm... I cannot accurately explain the mallash people in one sitting, unfortunately. I can only say that we are not responsible for them where your sovereignty is concerned, and though they would be subject to your jurisdiction if trespassing I would respectfully request caution and warning in dealing with them, at least until they understand the new situation."

she paused, looking pensive.

"Truth be told, there isn't a lot the government will be able to do about the mallash if - and I say if- there are any problems. I highly doubt there will be, though. The mountaineers have a society that is very similar to your own, I think. Strong family ties, great emphasis on tradition and community values, etc. The mallash of that area are the...ah, tumak Mallash group. Largely nomadic, they follow animal herds, like the White Cave Bear and the deer. In fact, I think you'll have more trouble with the Cave Bears than with the mallash!" she laughed.

President Creedence Clearwater took that as a “Yes” and decided to take an official visit to the United States of America. The problem was that there was no response from the Kawaii, and Creedence was not sure that he was allowed to arrive into the Kawaiian U.N. mission. Another problem was that there was no presidential jet, no “Air Force One” for Creedence Fogerty Clearwater. This was because of the Templar isolationism, one that only ended in 2008, and although President Clearwater said that he would launch a new world tour, although there was no procurement of transportation. It was not like the department had no transportation, there were helicopters and the Presidential Hummer, but that was it, no means for international travel given to the President. This put Creedence in a pickle, and he decided to travel in some way, so at the booming Tonq International Airport (the second word was only recently added) the Foreign Office decided to rent an American Airlines Boeing for the time being so that he could get to New York.

There Creedence walked, he looked like someone from a movie, he was walking through the airport at such a quick pace that the tails of his jacket billows in the air, his Aviator sunglasses reflecting the angled glass airport windows. Creedence walked into the airplane through the terminals and sa down in one of the first class seats. He then whipped out his Blackberry and sent the following e-mail to the Kawaiian mission to the United Nations.

To: Kawaiian Mission to the United nations, New York City, New York, United States of America
From: Creedence F. Clearwater, President of the Holy Republic of the Stone Temple


Dear Sir or Madame,

I am currently en route to John Fitzgerald International Airport, leaving Tonq. I want you to know this as I will arrive in a few hours and will deliver a press conference at the airport before I come to the U.N. mission. Please reply to arrange our meeting together and if a representative will meet me at the airport.

Thank you,
President Creedence Fogerty Clearwater

The following message was sent from the Altanari government:

To the honorable Patriarch of the Fire Ox tribe:
Recent events have demonstrated the desirability of having formal relations between our two peoples. To that end, we respectfully request a moment of your time to send our designated choices as representatives, so that they may present their credentials and begin discussions with you on the scope and parameters of an Altanari diplomatic mission within the Enclave.

Of course, you are welcome to designate a representative to our government as well, and establish a diplomatic mission within Altanar if you desire. We look forward to meeting with you at your convenience.

On behalf of His Altanari Majesty,
Nelron Khiskithy
Minister of State