NationStates Jolt Archive

The Hammer & Anvil was orginally a pub serving the lowest social economic groups in southern Farmina. Now it hopes to provide the dictators and democrats of the world with everything they need. The Hammer and Anvil will happily answer all questions and take all your money. New items are frequently added.

Payment should be made in Haren. Current exchange rate is approximately 1.5 haren to 1 USD. Please calculate your own orders so we have something to check our calculations against.

NO REFUNDS!

Leather Jackboots: Give your soldiers maximum discomfort while they intimidate the public in swanky leather footwear. Eighty haren.

Napoleonic-Era Battleships: Perfect for when style counts more than firepower or serviceability. These wood beauties have more cannons than you can poke a stick at and very fine cotton sails. Wood never gets old at only 1,000,000 haren. Barnacles not included.

Standardised Surrender Forms: Having difficulty putting together the paperwork when you surrender? We have the answer; Standardised Surrender Forms. Applicable for both conditional and unconditional surrenders. No lawyers required! Only for 150 haren. Discounts for bulk purchase!

93’ Harvey Valley Red: Rich Farminan red wine; best served with steak, diplomacy and lamb. Only two hundred and fifty haren.

Assimilation kit: Having trouble assimilating a conquered people into your nation? The assimilation kit is exactly what you need. With twenty stylish jarrah gallows, six postmodernist racks, a hundred machine guns for major intersections, DIY gas chamber and a friendly rubber duck; you are sure to win over the unintegrated. Ten million haren. Batteries not included.

Exploding Penguin: Teach your enemies to fear penguins. Undistinguishable from normal penguins until detonation. Best located on enemy television sets. 1500 haren.

Non-Exploding Penguin: Need a pet for your child that doesn’t explode? Look no further. The Non-Exploding Penguin is a unique pet; that completes a wide range of mundane functions, ranging from waddling to eating. Attaching dynamite may cause Non-Exploding Penguin to explode. To keep fresh; ensure Non-Exploding Penguin is refrigerated. 200 haren.

Tin Foil Hats for Paranoid Delusional Lunatics: Afraid they are watching you? A tin foil hat will help make you safe from your paranoid delusions. And no, we haven't placed any tracking equipment or listening devices in your tin foil hat. You can trust us...with your 100 haren.

52-Pack: A pack of ONLY 52 playing cards. If you find jokers superfluous; the 52 Pack is just what you need. Play poker with international guests and show your skills for what they are. Two haren.

Propaganda Equipment: Need the world to hear your story? Buy a printing press for 1500 Haren today. And for only an additional 1000 haren, we’ll throw in a radio transmitter for all your announcements. But wait there’s more! As part of this joint package; the Hammer and Anvil will throw in a set of mighty fine steak knives!

Ultimate Penis Enlargement: The UPE is one of the biggest pieces of artillery in the world. Weighing about 1344 tonnes; the UPE can fire an 80cm shell weighing 7 tonnes up to 37km. Firing one round every 30 to 45 minutes, the UPE is useless in a modern military, but can make any leader feel like a big man. Forty million haren; high explosive munitions included.

Devarg Business Suit: Dressing to impress? Want to buy a ridiculously overpriced designer business suit? Devarg is the label you want. For fifty thousand haren; Devarg business suits can be altered to your requests and any colour you want; Devarg does it (hot pink not included). Please attach measurements. Conditions may apply.

Limited Edition Dan Rickhart Coffee Mug: A coffee mug shaped like the lovable, and possibly pure evil, Dan Rickhart. Only 50 haren.

Pickled Terrorist Head: A talking point on any dining table for only 100 haren.

Used Coffins: Can’t afford a new coffin? Consider used coffins at only 500 haren a piece.

Insult: One per customer. 10 haren.

Big Floppy Pirate Hat: Contains ridiculously large feather. 100 haren.

"Kiss the Blood-Thirsty, Grog-Swilling, Foul-Mouthed, Scurvy-Ridden Pirate" Apron: Smell vaguely of long dead fish, cheap booze and dried blood. Covered with violent and indecent images, as well as blood splatters. Caution: fleas. 20 Haren.

VX-7000 Nerve Gas: Want to wipe out a room full of people? We have the answer, two litres of high grade nerve gas. Can be fatal through breathing or skin contact. Kills in under a minute. Keep out of reach of children; item is not a toy. 1000 haren.

VX-7000 Antidote A: Accidentally breathed in some VX-7000 Nerve Gas? Then you're probably already dead. Just buy this coloured water instead. 100 haren per litre.

VX-7000 Antidote B: If you really want to survive your poisioning, take half a milligram of Antidote B for each milligram of gas inhaled. Please note, injecting the antidote in the incorrect quantity will be fatal. 400 haren per 10 grams of antidote.

Antique Oak Desk: From a collection of original antique Rellian furniture; this fine item is worthy of any international leader. 100,000 haren.

Idiot’s Guide to Election-Stealing: An original book explaining how to ensure an election gives the ‘right’ result. Just 10 haren. (NB: Failure to steal an election is no result of this book. Methods suggested are not idiot-proof.)

Rubber Chicken with a Pulley in the Middle: World leaders always have a use for one of these. Only 60 pieces of eight…err…haren. [OOC: Apologies to Monkey Island]

Child Proof Nuclear Weapons Safeguards: Children keep setting off your nuclear weapons? Never worry; never fear the CPNWS is here. Soon your nuclear weapons will be safe again for just 500 haren a bomb.

Reproduction of the Treaty of Trinity: Read the humiliating terms forced on the Militia Enforced State by the Democratic Republic Farmina. Carefully framed to ensure longevity. Always good for a laugh. Only fifty haren!

Shovel: Infinitely useful in matters of digging. 60 haren.

Young Prince’s Cubby-Palace: Does the crown-prince need to get out of the house more often? Want to build for them a cubbyhouse worthy of a prince? The Cubby-Palace is the gift for you! The cubby-palace is a spacious playhouse, with map-room, kitchen, bedroom, bowling alley, bathroom with functioning plumbing, grand ballroom, drawing room, wine cellar, art gallery, attic, torture chamber and much, much more. Even adults can have fun in this truly luxurious cubby-palace. Some assembly required. Cubby-Palace can be customised. 50,000,000 haren.

Tobias Grey Poster: Want a autographed life sized poster of Farmina’s obese President on your bedroom or office wall? Get your signed poster of the juggernaut of Farminan politics, liberator of Scirenia, defender of democracy, conqueror of Trinity and the master of spin for a low, low price of 150 haren.

Used Weather Satellite: Following the Treaty of Trinity, all Messian weather satellites were surrendered to the Farminan government. Now the government has asked the Hammer & Anvil to clear the lot. Get your satellite for the meager sum of 1,000,000 haren.

‘The Emperor’s New’ Dictatorial Shampoo: All self-respecting dictators know that their hair isn’t like that of common folk. Dictators’ hair needs special treatment; and ‘The Emperor’s New’ has decided to dedicate for just this line; by creating special shampoo just for dictators. Only 105 haren a bottle; for any dictator that truly cares about his hair.

White Cat: Want to stroke a cat as you torment your opponents, just like in the movies? These well groomed cats; come with all the appropriate supplies at the low price of 150 haren. The Hammer and Anvil is pleased to de-sex the animal prior to purchase.

Kidnapped Nuclear Physicist: Speaks fluent German, unfortunately we can’t. Yours for 100 haren.

Coffee Kit: Impress your important guests with fresh, quality coffee. Kit includes: espresso machine, coffee grinder, milker frothing machine and much more. Only twenty thousand haren. Spend an extra hundred haren, for fresh high grade coffee beans and the Hammer and Anvil with throw in a set of mighty fine steak knives.

Leather whip: The Hammer & Anvil will make no suggestions on how to use this device. Please DO NOT send how you used this device to the Hammer and Anvil; we really don’t want to know. 50 haren.

Bottled Water: 1 litre. Water is vital for human survival, without it you will die. 1000 haren. It’s a small price for continued existence.

Platform velvet boots: Do you miss the seventies? The Hammer and Anvil certainly doesn’t; but we’re still happy to profit from them. Get your classless platform velvet boots and boogie the night away for just 100 haren.

Mona Lisa: The one and only original Mona Lisa. A classic painting suited for the office of any ruler. A bargain at only one hundred million haren. Discounts apply for bulk purchase.

Singing Beer Mug: Add beer and it sings at you completely out of tune. 100 haren. Similar results may be seen when beer is applied to consumer.

Used Flunkies: Need a flunky? We have the contact details for a wide range of experience flunkies. Get our short list of potential staff for only 1000 haren.

Chewing Gum: Chewing can help the thinking process. 2 haren per packet.

Used Chewing Gum: Gum can always be chewed more. 1 haren per packet.

Holy Water: Ever wished you could just wash your sins away each night after a long day of ruling? Bathing in Holy Water allows you to do just that. Want to purify your soul every meal time? Have your chefs to cook with Holy Water every day. Improve the moral cleanliness of yourself, your family and your international guests. Buy your way into Heaven at only 10,000 haren a gallon.

High-quality Discrete Listening Device (penny-sized): Because the people can never be truly free until the State is eavesdropping on their most private conversations. 500 haren per bug.

Brick: The basic building block of any empire. Red. 1 haren.

OOC: Wow lol


IC: We will take a bottle of 'The Emperor’s New' Dictatorial Shampoo for evaluation. USD equivalent to 105 haren will be wired upon delivery.

Also may we suggest a calculator so that we can calculate the amount of USD that is equivalent to your harens?

lol Farmina you're so funny.

Ultimate Penis Enlargement: The UPE is one of the biggest pieces of artillery in the world. Weighing about 1344 tonnes; the UPE can fire an 80cm shell weighing 7 tonnes up to 37km. Firing one round every 30 to 45 minutes, the UPE is useless in a modern military, but can make any leader feel like a big man. Forty million haren; high explosive munitions included.

Funny, I have Dephire's cannons THEY make me feel like a big man, one round every eight hours.

I'll have the kidnapped nuclear physicist for 100 dollars, we can't speak German either.

Untraceable Call:

"Good Morning my name is V I wish to purchase the Mona Lisa and any other Art that you can get your hands on? I would especially like to see Oriental Art. For the Mona Lisa alone we will pay 500 Million Haren. Wiring the required 100 Million into your account now. Put the Painting on the next flight to Vetaka Theeb"

"Good Bye"

To: Customer in Neo-Erusea

Thank you for your purchase. One bottle of shampoo will be shipped immediately at the cost of 105 haren. We wish you silky dictatorial hair.

Hammer and Anvil Pty Ltd.

To: Customer in Uldarious

The physicist is being shipped to your current location. We will dock your account 100 haren.

Hammer and Anvil Pty Ltd.

Glen Walker, manager of the H&A was thrilled with the success. Shampoo marks up based entirely on vanity were brilliant. The sale of the physicist posed a problem. Walker scratched his chin before bellowing to the supply director, “We’re out of nuclear physicists. Go and kidnap some more. And make sure they speak fluent German only, we don’t want the catalogue to be misleading.”

On the issue of art, was the untraceable call. 100 million haren was enough security for an original…or at least an original copy. Thus ‘the’ Mona Lisa was loaded up on the next plane to Vetaka Theeb along with a list of Oriental art, for which the Hammer and Anvil could provide completely original copies.

15 million pairs of Leather Jackboots Eighty haren. double in usd

OOC: The funniest damned storefront ever. Good job.

IC: We'll take one brick.

To Customer in Golddragons

We will dock your account 1.2 billion haren. You massive shipment of jackboots is on route.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

***

To Customer in Errikland

We will dock your account 1 haren. The brick will be placed on the next ship to Errikland.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

To Customer in Errikland

We will dock your account 1 haren. The brick will be placed on the next ship to Errikland.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Thank you. We will provide an additional haren as a tip.

I'll take the Tobias Grey Poster. 150 Haren will be wired when item is recieved.

Cheers,
Jonathan O'Brien

I'll take the Tobias Grey Poster. 150 Haren will be wired when item is recieved.

Cheers,
Jonathan O'Brien

OOC: NC, I ignored you and that remains. And as if anyone would be stupid enough to give you goods before seeing the money.

I think I'm gunna buy a thousand of those Ultimate Penis Enlarger things, and use them to really bother people. $40,000,000,000 is prepared to be wired.

Though it is a little pricy, I think that I will go with a pack of cards.

There had been more than forty five people who had killed themsleves because of Mr. Dick's annoying habits. More and more people were going too, there had to be some way to stop them. As the commite was thinking about it, another person jumped. They needed an exploding penguin to kill him for good.

Dear Farmina, we would like to buy one exploding penguin for 1500 Haren.

Mobley then yelled. "Hey! I want a damn cat!"

Oh, and we would also like a perfectly groomed white cat. Haren has been wired.


OCC: The cat will be named Fluffy, and will be making an apperence is future Rps.

To Customer in The PeoplesFreedom,

We acknowledge the receipt of 1650 haren. One groomed, white cat and one exploding penguin will be placed on the next ship to your nation.

We hope you make the most of your new animals.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

***

To Customer in Erikkland,

We thank you for your continuing purchases and have organized shipping space on the VERICA to deliver: 1 pack of 52 cards (no jokers).

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

***

To the Blackhelm Confederacy,

We have prepared the shipment of 1000 UPE and it is currently on route. The weapons will be transferred in title upon the receipt of payment.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

We would like an order of 1 million flunkies at $1000 a piece. That would cost $1 billion. We intend to repatriate the flunkies to muse where they will work on the pharmaceutical farms.

Regards,

Mimi Ohyes, Minister of Trade.

the persident of the federation wishes to order



Devarg Business Suit: Dressing to impress? Want to buy a ridiculously overpriced designer business suit? Devarg is the label you want. For fifty thousand haren; leg 34 wast 34 hihigt 6 foot



Antique Oak Desk: From a collection of original antique Rellian furniture; this fine item is worthy of any international leader. 100,000 haren.

Funny.

I'll take one cat, preferably male, real, alive, fluffy, and not vicious, to be called 'Furball'

One Kidnapped Nuclear Physicist

One Singing Beer Mug

Thirty bricks so President can protect himself in case his gun is empty

One whip

One suit

One Rubber Chicken with pulley

One Assimilation kit

Ten Exploding penguins disquised as non-exploding penguins (For Santa to give out to innocent children)

One big floppy pirate hat

One Antique oak desk

One Non-Exploding penguin with tank and supplies (extra 2000 haren for that)

One shovel (For presidential self-defence, in case all gun ammo is used and bricks are gone)

Ten bottles of Emperor's New Dictatorial Shampoo

Ten Mona Lisa for president's self-defence in case everything else has gone

One Coffee Kit with extras

One Flunky

One Limited Edition Dan Rickhart Coffee Mug

One Idiot’s Guide to Election-Stealing

One hundred CPNWSs

One Tobias Grey Poster for self-defence by paper-cuts. Also for poking purposes.

One Hundred bottles of 93’ Harvey Valley Red, preferably containing red wine that's real and tastes nice, no more than a ml of antifreeze in it.

One 52-Pack

One Hundred pairs of Jackboots for kicking purposes

Total: 1 Haren

Real Total: About 10 Haren

Honest-to-God total: About 100 Haren

REAL Total: About 30 million haren. The previous total was not honest-to-god because i am bhuddist.

Recommendations: Start stocking some Hubba Hubba.

To Customer in Antrig,

We calculate your bill at 930 million haren (rounded down as a gesture of goodwill). On transfer of this amount we will release the products into your possession. As such a big spending customer, we will throw in a lime green sweater as a bonus.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

***

To the President of Golddragons

We thank you for your repeat business. We acknowledge the receipt of 150000 haren and will ship these very classy items as soon as possible.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

***

To Mini Ohyems

We will send you the list of flunkies immediately. Please send the 1 billion haren to the specified account. As a sign of goodwill, please take these mighty fine steak knives.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

The Hammer & Anvil is proud to announce these new items in its catalogue:

Chewing Gum: Chewing can help the thinking process. 2 haren per packet.

Used Chewing Gum: Gum can always be chewed more. 1 haren per packet.

Holy Water: Ever wished you could just wash your sins away each night after a long day of ruling? Bathing in Holy Water allows you to do just that. Want to purify your soul every meal time? Have your chefs to cook with Holy Water every day. Improve the moral cleanliness of yourself, your family and your international guests. Buy your way into Heaven at only 10,000 haren a gallon.

I would like to purchase a case of a dozen of the 'The Emperor’s New’ Dictatorial Shampoo Though such a cheep shot to call it Dictorial, I'm not a dictator. I'm not, I know your laughing at me but I'm really not >:-|

Payment is enclosed
Empress Sakura Kinimoto

OOC: This is hilarious. *applauds*

To Empress Sukura Kinimoto,

We acknowledge the receipt of 1260 haren and have shipped the shampoo. Also enclosed, find the biggest hit single by Carly Simon.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

I would like 10,000,000 gallons of Holy Water.

Thank you,
Lord Governor Jovan S. Norris

p.s. 100 billion haren is enclosed, with a tip of 20 billion haren

Thank you so much for the lists of flunkies. Remember we want 1 million lists.

Regards,

Richie Ohyes, Director of Department of Government Waste

To Richie Ohyes, Director of Department of Government Waste

We apologise for problem. Find included 999 photocopies of the list. We hope the 1000 used flunkies you hire are up to the quality you expect from the Hammer & Anvil.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

***

To Lord Governor Jovan S. Norris

We acknowledge the receipt of funds and confirm the shipment of Holy Water is on route.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

P.S. If it is not too incriminating a question, what do you require so much Holy Water for?

Thank you so much for your gracious comporomise solution. We respect your candor. In the future we may be interested in hiring specialist consultants for our government waste department. There are never enough truly creative individuals who know what to do with government waste.

Regards,

Richie Ohyes, Director of Department of Government Waste

Thank you for the goods, the cat is now settling in.

We're using it as a torture method to use the power of Christ to compel them to speak up when we dunk their head into it.

Best regards,
Lord Governor Jovan S. Norris

The Hammer & Anvil is proud to announce a sale with bargain prices. ALL stock has been marked down 10%.

Please note: due to inflationary pressures all prices have been increased by 11.11%.

b u m p

Good evening. We would like to order a Napoleonic-Era Battleship, to lead our new government, and for a governmental-power transfer ceremony. In addition, we would like a signed reproduction, as well as fifty non-special reproductions of the Treaty of Trinity, for us to frame in our governmental buildings, as a reminder of our failure, and leaving the bad days behind us.

On a side note, to counter our purchasing cost, we have an offer; we've uncovered one of Snyder's former research bases, complete with an array of military equipment. As a surplus, and a method of disarmanent, we would be pleased to send you no less than twenty ART-154 Urban Pernicious Eraticator (http://edf.tauniverse.com/UPE.jpg) artillery cannons. They should be superior to your Ultimate Penis Enlargements, and can easily be renamed in the original unit's honour. Any excess in payment we would appreciate to be for in-store credit. Attached is a photo of the weapon, a large artillery piece with a 90cm barrel with a 10 ton shell, at a slightly further range, and two sophisticated radar domes.

Thank you for your time.

Ret. Force Commander James Ackvick
Militia Enforced State

To Retired Force Commander Ackvick,

We are able to provide you with 51 framed copies of the Treaty of Trinity and a Napoleonic-era battleship (buckets not included) for a total of 1,002,550 haren. Messian credits will not be taken. As a one off bonus, we will throw in an additional 49 copies of the Treaty of Trinity, a standardised surrender form and a large white piece of cloth.

On the matter of the ART-154s, we will take the lot. Although we can not dock the amount from your bill due to extensive financial regulations imposed under the Treaty of Trinity, we will offer you three jacket buttons, a box of A4 paper, a tasteless Hawaiian shirt and big floppy pirate hat. If you do not accept this offer, we will report the Messian state for failing to surrender these weapons to the Farminan government.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

To: Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

We thank you for this generous offer. We shall wire you the money as soon as possible. We will discuss a deal with the Farminan government regarding our trade agreement to give you the funds required. We will also pay extra for the ship to be in prestine condition, assuming the cost does not exceed double the purchase price.

Hon. Francis Gall
Militia Enforced State Minister of Finance

We will accept no less that 999,000 haren before we authorise repairs to the hull of ship.

Hammer & Anvil

Department of Semi-Useful Government Purchases

We request:
one Napoleon-Era Battleship
one Nuclear Physicist
(ooc:lol we will translate the german in order to get a nuke)
one White Cat
(ooc: any reason while a physicist cost less than a cat???)
For a total of
1,000,250 Harren

It will be wired upon confermation

Buck Borris
Secretary of Semi-Useful Government Purchases

BUMP
For response, ever so pro-umpt

Do I need to pay extra to get the ship in good condition?

To Buck Borris,

Paying extra ensures no improvement in quality. You are welcome to pay extra if you like.

We have organized the shipment of one physicist and a cat. The battleship you must collect from Ricco Harbour.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

To: Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Again, thank you for the offer. Please do not mislead us in the quality of the repairs, or we'll be forced to exchange it for a more higher quality item, or report you to your version of the Better Buisness Bureau.

Hon. Francis Gall
Militia Enforced State Minister of Finance

What condition is the ship in?

What condition is the ship in?

What condition is the ship in?

To Buck Borris,

There might be a leak or two, but the ship is seaworthy considering it came from the Napeoleonic Era. We'll throw in a free bucket if it calms your nerves.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

To Buck Borris,

There might be a leak or two, but the ship is seaworthy considering it came from the Napeoleonic Era. We'll throw in a free bucket if it calms your nerves.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

We would prefer a big can ofwoodfiller and 2 giant corks to a bucket,if possible. Either way a man is on the way to your nation to pick it up.

bump

Why did you make a physicist more expensive than a cat?

Well...probably because it's a lot harder to find, capture and enslave a genuine scientist, than to get a cat. :p

That would make the cat cheaper.

The cat is more expensive because they don't need to be moved as quickly, due both to feeding and legality questions. Stolen televisions are cheaper than retail ones; same applies to physicists and cats.

Bring Up My Post

[Attention Seeking Behaviour]BUMP[/Attention Seeking Behaviour]

hmm... i'll take 2 jackboots (for the two anoying small things in my house i think their called... childreb?) 30 standerised surrender forms (so my ennymies won't think i am too bad of a guy) 5 93’ Harvey Valley Red (for intended purpose) 3 Exploding Penguins (again for the small things) 4 52 pack (so i can get 4 aces of spades) 5 Devarg Business Suits (the most uncomfortable you can... for guests... all baby blue) 3 Pickled Terrorists all in used coffins wearing Big Floppy Pirate Hats (for the guest's rooms) 3 white scientists and 4 captured nuclear cats and 5 holy bricks ( so i can be forgiven when i throw them at... guess who?) ohhh... and what will happen if i pour water of coffie in the singing beer mug???

Your total jumbled order comes to 263,818 haren. We also advise you against pouring hot substances in singing beer mugs.

I apologise for the lateness of my reply.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

thank you, if it is ok, i will wire the money in fourths, so it does neither strain nor, dramatically inflate either of our economies, fro such a disaster would surely destroy us both.

The Copen Galactic Protectorate wishes for a gift-wrapped order to be shipped to the Imperium of Chronosia in the form of:

999,999,999 nuclear exploding penguins, which are to be set on a timer and to explode two hours after delivery

One normal penguin mounted in a Leman Russ Battletank with General George S. Patton's helmet strapped to its head to be delivered three hours after the first delivery of exploding penguins.

100 unconditional surrender forms to be delivered with the normal penguin.

We'd also like a special order made for a twenty-year-old Asian man driving around in a humvee with a PA system screaming 'Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!' to be delivered one hour prior to the delivery of the exploding penguins.

All money will be wired upon confirmation, and an additional ten billion haren will be wired for the special delivery.

-Jethro Migawsh
-Minister of Trade

The source of delivery must be the source of purchase and payment. This is to avoid the Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd becoming unwitting mercenaries. In no way are accusing you of using us to launch an attack against another nation; it’s merely the principle.

We can however send non-nuclear penguins ready to explode to your own nation if you wish.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

The source of delivery must be the source of purchase and payment. This is to avoid the Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd becoming unwitting mercenaries. In no way are accusing you of using us to launch an attack against another nation; it’s merely the principle.

We can however send non-nuclear penguins ready to explode to your own nation if you wish.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

That's perfectly understandable. If you could just remove the timer function, we'd be much obliged. We'll deliver the exploding penguins ourselves. However, could you still procure the special order and deliver it as a present to the Chronosians? We'd love to totally throw them for a loop with that.

Also, could you add to the order a shovel, preferably molecular edged as to have it easily dig well into the ground? We'll provide the necessary extra payment for the sharpening.

Hello, this is the democraticaly ellected temporary master executive of the Democratic Republic Of Thugorp. I am calling you because as it turns out our govenment actually has some sort of government wast section, with a budget which it my spend on things that are. "semi-usefule but apone later councilet revew will almost sirtanly be judged as friviles."* Once I got over the shock of learning that our govenment actually budgets government was, I learned that this was an unfortunate by product of our governments polocy of alowing our citizens to deside what they would like their taxes to be used for.

Any way, the resone I am contacting you is because you are one of only two corporatoins which can A: provide resorces in the amounts needed. B: soply the afore mentioned amounts of inventory, while at the same only selling inventory that is almost complitly of a sort that will be later considered wastfull.

for the above resonse I would now like to puchas the items on the list to follow.

*quotes from the book of all D.R.O.T., 2007 poket addition

LIST:

500 nepolianic era battel ships: (We will expect them both sea worthy and exactly as battle ready as they were when bilt.(or better) the only exeptions we will alow is A moderate wood weathering. also we will alow you to use corks AND wood sealer (or fiberglas ressin if cheaper) to pach holse, Buckets will not sifice (buckets used to bale water from leaky boats would constitute non-wastfull expenditures and boats that sink would leave nothing to audit as that costems involving deaths at see keep sunken ships out of government files)

2,000 exploding panguins: explosive divises must be dissarmed apon erival and detinators should be remote activation divises (we must insist that you make no duplicates of any remote used to detinate any panguine sold to us and that we get all remotes for all panguins sold to us.)

total price*: GP 1,993,389,000 (GP is the symbole we use for the Gold Deblune our national curency.)

*due to the fact that you do not have an embisy in our contry we were unable to get large amounts of your rands. However, we were able to wast mony by first calculationg how many U.S.D. our order would caust then factoring in your currencys exchange rate to the product of our furst conversion formula, and then finaly factoring in what the exchange rate would be, If the U.S.A. still existed (O.o.C.: if you check you will find out that the only contry ever named United States of America is now dead) to the product of the second equation. This prosses alowed us to deturmen that the Gold Deblune equivilant to the rand total of our purchas was 1,993,389,000, as stated above. we will be shiping this to you in any sort of contaner you wish apon confirmatoin of our order. we assure you our math is corect but you are free to check it for yourselve's the Gold deblune to U.S.D. exchange rate is 2.6420 gold deblune = $1

It has been a pleasure speaking to you. I hope that you contact us to confirm our order very soon.

If nessasary you may contact me on my private SECURE cell phone at 1-432-726-4846 (O.o.C.: not any real number that I know of but the numbers after the area code do spell panguin to the best of my ability.)

That's perfectly understandable. If you could just remove the timer function, we'd be much obliged. We'll deliver the exploding penguins ourselves. However, could you still procure the special order and deliver it as a present to the Chronosians? We'd love to totally throw them for a loop with that.

Also, could you add to the order a shovel, preferably molecular edged as to have it easily dig well into the ground? We'll provide the necessary extra payment for the sharpening.

Our policy is very clear. We will not ship to Chronosia at your request.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

500 nepolianic era battel ships:
2,000 exploding panguins

We will confirm a shipment of 500 battleships and 2000 exploding penguins. They will be released into your possession upon the receipt of 503 million haren.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

We wish to purchase the following:

x135-Ultimate Penis Enlargement

x200-Assimilation kit

Thank you

That’ll be 7.4 billion haren. For such a mighty fine purchase; we’ll throw in a free ‘rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle’.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

We will confirm a shipment of 500 battleships and 2000 exploding penguins. They will be released into your possession upon the receipt of 503 million haren.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Thank you we will send the equivilent amount now.

These bricks you sell wouldn't happen to be customizable, would they? I want one that says "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps" for my desk back in Vetalia City. I think it would make an amusing paperweight.

-Vasily Kalinin, Proconsul, Ministry of Technology

Unnamed Offical in the Animarnian Government

We'd like to take; one (1) Copy of the Trinity Surender Acords; and one (1) Perfectly Groomed White Cat for our vice president on her recovery. We'd also like to order ten (10) Ultimate Penis Enlargments. Appropriate Funds have been alocated and will automatically transfer upon comfirmation of this order.

These bricks you sell wouldn't happen to be customizable, would they? I want one that says "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps" for my desk back in Vetalia City. I think it would make an amusing paperweight.

-Vasily Kalinin, Proconsul, Ministry of Technology
We can do it for twenty haren.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Here's the $13.33 for the brick plus another $2 for shipping and handling. I want this brick in perfect condition for next week's staff meeting.

Unnamed Offical in the Animarnian Government

We'd like to take; one (1) Copy of the Trinity Surender Acords; and one (1) Perfectly Groomed White Cat for our vice president on her recovery. We'd also like to order ten (10) Ultimate Penis Enlargments. Appropriate Funds have been alocated and will automatically transfer upon comfirmation of this order.

That comes to a total of 140,000,200 haren. Shipping will be arranged ASAP.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

That comes to a total of 140,000,200 haren. Shipping will be arranged ASAP.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Transfer of funds confirmed;

OOC:
Just TG the "utterly humiliating terms" I may have use for them soon...

I'll have the kidnapped nuclear physicist for 100 dollars, pluss a few more draveg bussines suits

That'll be 150,100 haren. We'll throw in a free spork.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

OFFICIAL TELEGRAM FROM THE Commander in Chief OF DARK KNIGHT INDUSTRIES Preventitive Mesures and Special Operations

To: Hammer and Anvil Pty Ltd
From: The Offices of the Preventative Mesures and Special Operations

Subject: Sale of Surplus Equipment

In our searching of international comunique we happened upon your sale. We have a well funded, if not slightly outdated military. Here is the manifest of what we would like:

5 German Nuclear Scientists - We have a well developed Nuclear program, but we need a front for our workers. However, we do not speak German either. - 500 Haren

1 Rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle - Our Biological studdies team is complaining about lack of equipment... this should appease them for now. - 60 Harem

20 93’ Harvey Valley Red - We need something for our... Military Tactitions... this should do the trick. - 5000 Harem

The bill, as we calculate it, comes to: $5560 Harem. We are wiring the calculated exchange.

Thank you for your time.

-Mitchel Renald, Commander In Chief of Special Operations

We confirm the transfer of 5560 haren. The goods have been inspected and shipped.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

My dictators office needs refufurnishing,

We would like to purchase:
3 Devarg Business Suits (Black, pin-stripe, white.)
1 Pickled Terrorist Head
1 Antique Oak Desk
1 White cat

Warazhia.

That comes to a grand total of 250,250 haren. An aircraft will take off in the next few months and the goods will be parachuted into your nation.

The cat is currently undergoing parachute training.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Official message from the Conferderacy of Free Shepmagans:

We wish to purchase a pair of the Leather Jackboots, the Leather whip, and we wish to inquire if the Business suit can be made for a woman... and out of leather somehow... for y'know... diplomatic... things. 98 USD will be wired immediately for the products we're sure we can purchase, we will send the money for the suit when/if you confirm you can actually do that.


- Prime minister Yui Kusanagi

((OOC: Please check my math. I'm horrible at math, and I'm not sure if I did the right things on the calc))

It can be arranged. The cost including woman's leather suit is 50,130 haren.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

It can be arranged. The cost including woman's leather suit is 50,130 haren.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

The money has been wired. It's been a pleasure doing business with you.

money wired

I, the president of Hugohk wishes to purchase:
Propaganda Equipment with the radio transmitter
500 bottles of 93’ Harvey Valley Red
5 Antique Oak Desk's
1 White Cat
1 Coffee Kit
12 Devarg Business Suit's
This comes to a total of 1247500 haren,
I want 3 of the suit's marine blue, 3 of them Black, one in pinstripe and the remaining 5 i demand to have in Hot Pink :p if that's not available then i'll just have them dark red instead!
The money will be wired upon delivery
Pleasure doing business with you
Best regards/
Hugohk

Order recieved and shipment arranged. Apologies for the lateness of our reply.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Allanean Department of Education Request

We require posters of President Palmer. Where can we purchase them?

The Liberal Party Headquarters.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

OOC: Well, should I post about this developement here?

OOC: If you really want to.

OOC: *Kicks thread*

Message from the Allanean Department of Education to the Liberal Party Headquarters

We require 10,000 portraits of President Palmer.

Liberal Party of the Republic of Farmina: National Executive

To Allanean Department of Education

Lord James Palmer has agreed to pick out ten portraits of himself from his gallery, that will each be replicated 1000 times. Delivery shall be made in the next month.

Palmer Enterprises also provides special lectures and appearances by Lord James Palmer at a price.

Yours sincerely,
Serene Walsh
Liberal Party Under-Secretary

The various messages were circulated among Allanea's prestigious private schools and other facilities. Eventually, two organizations have decided to contract for a lecture by Lord James Palmer – Concord University and the Demented Schooling Corporation.

The former wanted Lord Palmer to lecture at their campus at Liberty-City, and the latter – at their pilot project, the Robert Edward Lee Military Academy in the Haven Region.

A lecture RP?

In honor of Privateers Day, The Ministry of Government Waste would like 10 million ridiculous pirate hats for $1 billion. We look forward to an excellent celebration.

Regards,

Johnny Ohyes, Minister of Government of Waste

We'd like 1 brick please.

Total: 1 haren

Militia Enforced State Disaster Relief Agency

Salutations.

Due to the overwhelming damage to our nation, we desperately need house building materials. We would like to order two-hundred thousand bricks to start, and more as the needs are needed.

We will wire the money upon acceptance.

- MESDFA

In honor of Privateers Day, The Ministry of Government Waste would like 10 million ridiculous pirate hats for $1 billion. We look forward to an excellent celebration.

Regards,

Johnny Ohyes, Minister of Government of Waste

We thank you for your order and will ship it out immediately. As a bonus for this generous purchase, we will throw in a set of ten "Kiss the Blood-Thirsty, Grog-Swilling, Foul-Mouthed, Scurvy-Ridden Pirate" aprons, which smell vaguely of long dead fish.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

We'd like 1 brick please.

Total: 1 haren

One red brick is currently being shipped. The container ship carrying the single brick will arrive within the next few weeks. Thank you for your purchase.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Militia Enforced State Disaster Relief Agency

Salutations.

Due to the overwhelming damage to our nation, we desperately need house building materials. We would like to order two-hundred thousand bricks to start, and more as the needs are needed.

We will wire the money upon acceptance.

- MESDFA

Two hundred thousand bricks have been arranged. However, we have been informed there may be significant delays in the shipping time, unless you pay a surcharge of 20% to the Farminan government.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Militia Enforced State Disaster Relief Agency

Salutations.

Due to the importance of the building material, compounded by the lack of available reconstruction funds, we have decided to look elsewhere, unless ways of an earlier delivery can be made.

Thank you for your time.

- MESDFA

Alfegos Ministry of Health
Sexual Health Department

We wish to purchase 50 000 whips. We are intending to use them in
[ERROR Æ177 File Sector Lost].
We are also interested if you sell other similar items such as [ERROR Æ177 File sector lost].

The money will be sent immediately.

The order comes to 2,500,000 haren. The whips shall be place on the next boat out.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Militia Enforced State Disaster Relief Agency

Salutations.

Due to the importance of the building material, compounded by the lack of available reconstruction funds, we have decided to look elsewhere, unless ways of an earlier delivery can be made.

Thank you for your time.

- MESDFA

All Messian trade licences are currently under review. Please submit all new trade proposals to the Farminan Trade Department urgent analysis. Failure to fulfill your obligations under the Treaty of Trinity, will be considered a hostile act.

Alan Salder
Chancellor for Trade

Militia Enforced State Disaster Relief Agency

Salutations.

We have no current trade policies with any other nations. We were only speculating within the treaty. As for the trade, we are canceling the order, and are going to supply our own selves with building materials.

Thank you for your time.

- MESDFA

I'll taken 10,000 exploding penguin please

That comes to a total of 15,000,000 haren. The penguins will be shipped as soon as possible.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Let the Hammer & Anvil post-Christmas sale commence.

NB: In no way does the post-Christmas sale imply that prices are lower than usual.

May we get an updated international price list, for public consumption?

- Jack Frack
Militia Enforced State Buero of Buerocracy

All prices are current and up to date. Unlike the Militia Enforced State, Farmina does not endure high and crippling inflation.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

We would like to buy one piece of Radio-free Foil. Now.

A custom order? That will be one million haren. We'll deliver it at a time of our chosing, after you've paid.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

One million Haren wired. You should add Radio-free Foil to the catalogue, for the rest of the paranoids. Nothing keeps the evil UN from using their mind control on you like Radio-free Foil. Perfect for tin foil hats.

We try to avoid encouraging lunatics like yourself. However we shall consider the option of mass produced tinfoil hats.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

"Tin Foil Hats for Paranoid Delusional Lunatics" are now available.

Greetings:

Various bureaucrats would like to purchase the rubber chicken with enclosed pulley, the 52-pack of playing cards, and ransom the nuclear physicist. If we are doing our math correctly, that totals 162 haren, 108 USD, or, according to NSEconomy, a tad under 575 Zwangzug checks.

Thank you.

To Hammer & Anvil,

I wish to purchase the following items, 2 Tin Foil Hats for Paranoid Delusional Lunatics, I have twice the enemies of normal Lunatics, for $300 USD, 3 Shovels, to bury my enemies, for $270 USD, 100 White Cats, they keep dying, for $22,500 USD, 1 billion bricks, to build my nation, for $1,500,000,000 USD, which brings the grand total to $150,0023,070 USD. The check is enclosed, I added an extra million, for rush delivery.

Signed,
Jim Lange,
President
The Republic of the Beatus

Greetings:

Various bureaucrats would like to purchase the rubber chicken with enclosed pulley, the 52-pack of playing cards, and ransom the nuclear physicist. If we are doing our math correctly, that totals 162 haren, 108 USD, or, according to NSEconomy, a tad under 575 Zwangzug checks.

Thank you.

162 haren is the correct price. We have confirmed reciept of payment and shipped the goods.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

To Hammer & Anvil,

I wish to purchase the following items, 2 Tin Foil Hats for Paranoid Delusional Lunatics, I have twice the enemies of normal Lunatics, for $300 USD, 3 Shovels, to bury my enemies, for $270 USD, 100 White Cats, they keep dying, for $22,500 USD, 1 billion bricks, to build my nation, for $1,500,000,000 USD, which brings the grand total to $150,0023,070 USD. The check is enclosed, I added an extra million, for rush delivery.

Signed,
Jim Lange,
President
The Republic of the Beatus


We have confirmed payment of 1,501,023,070 USD and will ship the order as soon as possible.

Please shop with us regularly, we always take care of the suckers, I mean big spending customers.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd


OOC: Your president made the very easy mistake of changing haren in USD by multiplying by 1.5. He should have divided. :D

(OOC: He paid extra for faster shipping.)

OOC: "as soon as possible" is as fast as it gets.

(OOC: He paid extra for faster shipping.)

Shop till you drop!

Query: Are the penguins fertile? That is, can they breed? And the exploding penguins? Also, can they interbreed? If they can, what would the offspring be?

The penguins are fertile. However we advise against breeding them for reasons of quality control. Penguins raised by the Hammer & Anvil are of the highest standard and breeding is strictly controlled. Two recessive genes could produce an unwanted characteristic.

The explosive penguins are also fertile, but will not produce exploding offspring. Also note that the more volatile breed of penguin is a lower grade of penguin. Furthermore breeding may result in premature detonation.

The penguins are fertile. However we advise against breeding them for reasons of quality control. Penguins raised by the Hammer & Anvil are of the highest standard and breeding is strictly controlled. Two recessive genes could produce an unwanted characteristic.

The explosive penguins are also fertile, but will not produce exploding offspring. Also note that the more volatile breed of penguin is a lower grade of penguin. Furthermore breeding may result in premature detonation.

That would certainly be bad, yes. We will purchase 100 exploding penguins and 400 non-exploding penguins, for a total cost of 230,000 haren. Thank you for your business.

Order confirmed and correct. The penguins will be shipped ASAP, however there may be a short delay as all our penguins are currently on a stress management and guerilla warfare course.

Order confirmed and correct. The penguins will be shipped ASAP, however there may be a short delay as all our penguins are currently on a stress management and guerilla warfare course.

Thank you.

OOC: XD

A dark figure enters the Hammer & Anvil: Odds and Ends Store, and put a metal suitcase on the desk in front of the clerk.

"Keep this quiet, and keep the tracks covered, and I have over three times the amount needed to buy what I need, all in Haren, all for you. Do you have five hundred exploding penguins, and five hundred non-exploding? We...also need a fridge and food for them." He opened the case to reveal $2,250,000 in legitimate Haren currency.


"And a receipt for any defective returns," he finished.

*Cloaked Figure walks in*

"can I get 1 white cat, 1 used satailite (in working condition if possible), 2 Child-proof nuclear weapon safety gaurds. Ive already wired the money (1,001,150) to you."

A dark figure enters the Hammer & Anvil: Odds and Ends Store, and put a metal suitcase on the desk in front of the clerk.

"Keep this quiet, and keep the tracks covered, and I have over three times the amount needed to buy what I need, all in Haren, all for you. Do you have five hundred exploding penguins, and five hundred non-exploding? We...also need a fridge and food for them." He opened the case to reveal $2,250,000 in legitimate Haren currency.


"And a receipt for any defective returns," he finished.


The person tending the bar when the Messian entered listened carefully, entered the order and took the Messian’s money. “Always happy to take money off scum and give it to the deserving*. We certainly won't be replacing anything defective, other than Messian governments,” said the bartender, who then burst out laughing at his own joke.

“Thank you and come again.”

OOC: *i.e. Farminans.

*Cloaked Figure walks in*

"can I get 1 white cat, 1 used satailite (in working condition if possible), 2 Child-proof nuclear weapon safety gaurds. Ive already wired the money (1,001,150) to you."

Order confirmed and correct.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

The man muttered something inaudible as he walked out the door.

***

Good evening.

I am interested in acquiring for our great nation, twelve modern battleship-type vessels from the seabed near the Farminan coast, and one helicopter 'jeep' type carrier, to assist in rebuilding a minor presence in the oceans of the world.

We intend on a major refit of these ships to fit inside the restrictions forced by the Treaty of Trinity, which will remove their main weapons for land based use, leaving only minor weapons, which will make it useless in a naval battle. However, for coast guard duty, and for dealing with pirates and blocking the grog trade, we wish to have these vessels. The Jeep carrier is simply for helicopters, as this class of ship is too short for standard aircraft to take off from safely.

However, from the Hammer & Anvil, we only wish for the contract-work to raise the ships, and repair them for safe sailing to the new Messian port of Port Amelia. We request that, to make sure our overzealous military contractors do not upgrade the weapons without our knowledge, we request four thousand copies of the Treaty of Trinity, laminated in plastic, so we can post these all over these new ships, so we do not break laws, and in the act, our soverignty.

We do not mind if the ship is former Farminan or Messian, just that it's the proper weight, size, and standard firepower of the class requirements. But as stated before, the main weapons will be taken off, and we wish to have those loaded into separate ships, to prevent the illegal use of the main weapons. And, in your decision on which nationality the ships come from, adjust your pricing accordingly.

Thank you for your time. We request a quote for pricing. In addition, we request that this is added to your catalog. And, we would like to consider, perhaps with joint government funding, that for every ship recovered, two memorial plaques or similar is jointly made between our two nations, to symbolize the hundreds of thousands that died in the great naval conflict between our two nations, and have one mounted on the ship itself, and the other to the country from which the ship originated. And, all bodies found to be returned to their loved ones.

Thank you.

Admiral Jack Forrester
Militia Enforced State

The Hammer and Anvil has no interest in becoming involved in salvage work.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

New item added.

The USSY would like to purchase 1 German Physicist (preferably roughed up a bit), 3 billion decks of 52 playing cards (preferably shuffled throughly), and 3 white cats (also, preferably roughed up). Since it's blatantly obvious that much distruction can be wrought with such things, please keep this transaction off of any official accounts. If possible, please mark it as "bricks".

OOC: I never found out about this store until now, lol

IC:

Greal wishes to purchase 1 Idiot’s Guide to Election-Stealing for 10 haren.

I am building a time machine, and need the following items, which are essential to its completion. Also, below that is a list of items that you do not sell, but I am sure you can obtain, money is no object.

List A:
93’ Harvey Valley Red-1.5 bottles
Non-Exploding Penguin-2, preferably a male, and female to mate
Tin Foil Hats for Paranoid Delusional Lunatics-2
Pickled Terrorist Head-1.5 heads
Insult-1
Used Weather Satellite-2 preferably older than 1962
Leather whip-1
Chewing Gum-1

Estimated cost to be: 2,001,187 Haren

List B:
The Tung of a Traitor-1
The Hair of a Dead King-1 Preferably British
Kanuck Replant-3 bottles,Those darn Kanucks are tryin to steal my plans
Uranium-2 tons
The Eye of a Lookout-1
Homeless King-1

Please get back to us with a price for these special requests.

The USSY would like to purchase 1 German Physicist (preferably roughed up a bit), 3 billion decks of 52 playing cards (preferably shuffled throughly), and 3 white cats (also, preferably roughed up). Since it's blatantly obvious that much distruction can be wrought with such things, please keep this transaction off of any official accounts. If possible, please mark it as "bricks".

That comes to a total of 6,000,000,550 haren. Delivery will occur on reciept of payment.

Hammer and Anvil Pty Ltd

OOC: I never found out about this store until now, lol

IC:

Greal wishes to purchase 1 Idiot’s Guide to Election-Stealing for 10 haren.

Confirmed and correct. Item is currently in shipping.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

I am building a time machine, and need the following items, which are essential to its completion. Also, below that is a list of items that you do not sell, but I am sure you can obtain, money is no object.

List A:
93’ Harvey Valley Red-1.5 bottles
Non-Exploding Penguin-2, preferably a male, and female to mate
Tin Foil Hats for Paranoid Delusional Lunatics-2
Pickled Terrorist Head-1.5 heads
Insult-1
Used Weather Satellite-2 preferably older than 1962
Leather whip-1
Chewing Gum-1

Estimated cost to be: 2,001,187 Haren

List B:
The Tung of a Traitor-1
The Hair of a Dead King-1 Preferably British
Kanuck Replant-3 bottles,Those darn Kanucks are tryin to steal my plans
Uranium-2 tons
The Eye of a Lookout-1
Homeless King-1

Please get back to us with a price for these special requests.

Total price three billion haren. Note well you ignorant fool, we can't give you half a pickled head. And making demands on us about the sex of the penguin, who do you think you are? Arrogant bastard.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

P.S. We threw in the second insult as a freebie.

OOC: Rofl

IC: The Prime Minister of Dyelli Beybi is most interested in purchasing a 'UPE' system to feel more like a man. She has always wondered what that felt like.

OOC: Ha ha, that has to be one of the best responses.

IC:

A female ruler? Disgusting! What ever next? I suppose they'll be driving cars, wearing pants and doing ballet.

That comes to 40 million haren again. Thank you and shop with us again.


Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

We do that little extra to make you feel like more than a customer.

bump bump

Supreme Kommissariat Minister of Imperial Nicksyllvanian Army Logistics -Dragkonian Colonial Militia Branch, Grand Marshal Rictov von Krichevsky

To be Delivered at: Laverpool Imperial Armoury, Lesser Mongmung, Dragkon
500kg of VX-7000 Antidote B
50 Assimilation Kits
121,000 pairs of Leather Jackboots
115,000 Tinfoil hats
6,000 Big Floppy Pirate Hats
6,000 Leather Whips
115,000 Shovels
121,000 Bricks
121,000 Used Coffins
12 UPE
819,601,000 Haren

To be Delivered at: Central Dragkonian Institute of Superweapons Development, Grand Desert ,Dragkon
1 Kidnapped Nuclear Physicist
1 White Cats
1 Used Weather Sattelite
10 Rubber Chicken with a Pulley in the Middle
10 Exploding Penguins
10 Non-Exploding Penguins
50 Litres of VX-7000 Nerve Gas
50 Gallons of Holywater
100,000 Bricks
100,000 Packets of Used Chewing Gum
1,292,850 Haren

To be Delivered at: Supreme Kommissariat Ministers Office, Imperial Nicksyllvanian Dragkonian Militia HQ, Greater Nicksyllvania, Nicksyllvania
24 Bottles of 93’ Harvey Valley Red
1 Limited Edition Dan Rickhart Coffee Mug
2 Pickled Terrorist Head
1 Antique Oak Desk
1 Reproduction of the Treaty of Trinity
1 Tobias Grey Poster
5 ‘The Emperor’s New’ Dictatorial Shampoo
1 White Cat
1 Coffee Kit with fresh high grade coffee beans
1 Leather Whip
1 Mona Lisa
5 Packet of Chewing Gum
100,127,285 Haren


To be Delivered at: Imperial Palace, Greater Nicksyllvania, Nicksyllvania
1 Bottle of 93’ Harvey Valley Red
1 ‘The Emperor’s New’ Dictatorial Shampoo
1 Mona Lisa
5 Pickled Terrorist Head
1 UPE
140,000,855 Haren


Total: 1,061,021,990 Haren = USD 707,347,993
USD/Nick Exchange Rate: 10 Nick = $1.6015
To Be Paid From the Imperial Bank of Nicksyllvania: 4,416,784,223 Nicks
Priority: Military - Low, Free Postage

The Hammer & Anvil calculates the total bill as 1,331,496,990 haren.

We believe the error is on your part. The Armoury order should be 1,089,601,000 haren and the Institute of Superweapon Research order should be 1,767,850 haren. The other two are correct. Please pay the correct amount, or check your figures before resubmitting.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

I think this shop has had too few customers for too long. I've also added a listening device to the catalogue.

From the Office of the Holy Patriarch Buster Newman, Patriarch of The Holy Republic of Seiei-Kan

We request 50 cases of '93 Harvey Valley Red at 250 Haren a case. 12,500 Haren Will Be wired promptly upon receipt of the order.

For your consideration, The Patriarch also extends his invitation to the staff and management of this establishment to his Holiness' Solstice Ball this December as Honoured Personal Guests of the Patriarch, for your services.

RSVP with order, or Postmarked by December 1.

Payment received.
Delivery shipped.
You shall be intoxicated short.

Best Regards,

The Team at

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Do the bump.

Do people not want to buy useless junk?

Junk for sale! Useless junk for sale!

The KHI corporation requires 10,000 regular, non-exploding penguins. 2 million haren in cash will be mailed upon confirmation.

OOC: Posting for Scirenia as the account won't work on the forums.

Scirenian Minister of Pork & Government Waste

Good day, Hammer & Anvil, we would like to order 40,000 non-exloding Penguins to give to the homeless children. We would also like one exploding penguin to give as a gift to our wonderful President.

We would also like 100,000,000 bricks to rebuild the homes in Sciren.

Thank you,

Jason Byrne
Minister

Militia Enforced State Communique

Hello,

Due to our military need for a military, and due to the restrictions put upon us by the Treaty of Trinity, we would like to order 30 Napoleonic-Era Battleships. In addition, we would like to order 60 extra-large posters of Tobias Grey to put two each onto the side of these ships to show our loyalty.

Prime Minister James Kenzie

The KHI corporation requires 10,000 regular, non-exploding penguins. 2 million haren in cash will be mailed upon confirmation.

Order confirmed. The penguins are currently being de-frosted prior to shipment.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

OOC: Posting for Scirenia as the account won't work on the forums.

Scirenian Minister of Pork & Government Waste

Good day, Hammer & Anvil, we would like to order 40,000 non-exloding Penguins to give to the homeless children. We would also like one exploding penguin to give as a gift to our wonderful President.

We would also like 100,000,000 bricks to rebuild the homes in Sciren.

Thank you,

Jason Byrne
Minister

Although we are mildly concerned about the exploding penguin for the President, the order is confirmed and will be shipped shortly.

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

Militia Enforced State Communique

Hello,

Due to our military need for a military, and due to the restrictions put upon us by the Treaty of Trinity, we would like to order 30 Napoleonic-Era Battleships. In addition, we would like to order 60 extra-large posters of Tobias Grey to put two each onto the side of these ships to show our loyalty.

Prime Minister James Kenzie

Order confirmed; although we are inherently distrustful of what you pan with those battleships...

Hammer & Anvil Pty Ltd

da-bump