NationStates Jolt Archive

Samizdat Corporation (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Samizdat_Corporation) was the largest and most powerful corporation in Kahanistan. It employed well over ten million people around the world in jobs such as writing, printing, transporting, and distributing literature and media of various sorts. It specialized in controversial literature other publishers would not touch, but also ran more mundane texts such as The Art of Decorating Military Vehicles.

However, with the invasion of Kahanistan, or as the Doomies call it, Iudaea Province, all this threatened to come to a screeching halt. While the Corporation had been able to relocate critical employees and assets to the eastern city of New Sodom, in the Midlonian protectorate in Haven where a successor state to the Democratic Soviet Republic of Kahanistan had been set up as the Free Havenic Republic, the major infrastructure of the corporation had been left behind or destroyed at a time when it was planning to expand its scope of operations.

Therefore, the Corporation drew up a "wish list" of things it wanted and made a call for business, in order to raise the funds to obtain the equipment and infrastructure on its wish list.

Official Press Release from Samizdat Corporation
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Samizdatcorp.jpg

Samizdat Corporation is seeking to expand its holdings, but first needs to replace the infrastructure lost to the Doomani invasion.

In order to do this, we are soliciting the business of all amateur pornographers, subversives, godless heathens, and other degenerates to join together for what makes Samizdat Corporation great - the unbridled spirit of free speech.

In furtherance of this goal, we are opening offices in any nation that will allow them. We hope that any arrangement will be mutually beneficial.

Signed,
Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO

Official Response of the Governor of San-Nereiana

As the governor of San-Nereiana, I would like to invite you to our lovely state. It is big and barely yet colonized (about 30 million people live in a territory the size of Soviet Russia). Most of the land is as yet unclaimed by private individuals, and as such, we will happily provide your company with one square kilometer of land to install your offices and other facilities on, free of charge.

Official Response from the Northfordian Ministry of Trade.

Like you, we have recently undergone an upheaval in our lands, and as new neighbours, greatly sympathise with your plight.

To that end, the Commonwealth allots you 500 Square metre of land, free of charge in our new capital, New-Richmond. Only conditions being you construct your own facilities and abide by Northfordian Building regulations, as well as follow Northfordian Business Practises.

Due to both of our nations plight as being both newly established however, we regret to inform you that we are presently lacking in major road ways in the interior of our country, and thus the only routes available are by Air or Sea. Please note there is also a general shortage of Construction Materials in Northford at the moment and that due to the large amount of activity in construction (25% of the Workforce are presently enguaged in Construction of Construction related business) there are large queues to dock and unload freight.

That said, we wish this as a symbol of friendship between our two nations, and hope, in time we can establish embassies, transport links, as well as a cordial friendship.

Regards,

Peter Olivers,

Northfordian Minister for Trade.

Lightning Communications
"Whether wanted or not."

Lightning Communication is the largest worldwide satellite communications provider, and the prime distributor for the most controversial shows in the world, among them Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things, The Running Man, and Monty Python's Flying Circus. Thanks to the dual-purpose satellites, we deliver the signal whether the local government wants it or not, and there's nothing we refuse to show. We provide all stages - ground observation, communications, delivery.

As you see, we share the goal for free information flow. Our company welcomes the Samizdat Corporation to establish business in Vault 10, and will allow to use our available but currently unused space in both Vault-Tec and surface facilities. We'll also arrange an agreement with Vault-Tec to involve their unused publishing reserves for low cost.

And, of course, our secure communications services are always available.

WBR,
Alex.

Official Communique from Samizdat Corporation
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Samizdatcorp.jpg

To: The Governor of San-Nereiana

The Corporation is most thankful for this offer. A corporate cargo plane with initial personnel and construction materials will arrive shortly.

Signed,
Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO

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Official Communique from Samizdat Corporation
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Samizdatcorp.jpg

To: Mr. Peter Olivers, Northfordian Minister of Trade

We would like to know what Northfordian building regulations are relevant to our construction plans; we merely plan to install an office building, a printing facility, a translation department, and when we have the funds, an airfield and shipyard.

If you are looking for friendship and treaties with the Free Havenic Republic, you may contact Acting Foreign Minister Ms. Rachel C. Levitt at the Foreign Ministry in Metzuda, the new capital.

Signed,
Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO

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Official Communique from Samizdat Corporation
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Samizdatcorp.jpg

To: Alex from Lightning Communications

We are most thankful for this generous offer. We will have a representative arrive shortly.

One of the items we have been looking into acquiring is a jam-proof communications satellite, completely incapable of being converted into a weapons or spying satellite so it cannot be claimed as a military target.

We are currently researching ways to protect our satellites from missile attacks without making them into attack-capable vessels.

Signed,
Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO

Lightning Communications
Шила в мешке не утаишь.
Lightning Communications - гарантия свободы информации.

We are closely collaborating with Aerospace Logistics on satellite manufacture, and they reported they have designs and prototypes on canceled purely civilian satellites, embedded and autonomous, with semi-analog control, making use as a weapon impossible, since the satellite can't be remotely controlled. This could cause issues in disposal, but generally the satellites are smart enough to cooperate for disposal purposes. Digital control components are extremely simple, with fully open-source software written in Pascal rather than more esoteric C or Ada, and ROM-based, making them easy to inspect. Communications equipment is not connected to control.
If they are needed, we can easily start the production, using serial frames, and just replacing the electronics.

Jam-resistant electronics is installed on all our satellites, but, however, it's military-grade and classified. Of course, an unarmed satellite still can't be possibly used as weapon, and, with black-box electronics approach, inspection for lack of espionage optics and armament is possible as well.


We can't suggest a way of protecting satellites from rogue states without force. However, a viable option might be mutual defense pact. Our orbital group, being fully armed, will protect your satellites and assist wherever needed, and your forces, corporate or national, will respond in force to attacks on our assets. Since we are a peaceful company, maintaining space weapons only for defensive means, that will not be a problem for you, and our space assets can often decide an operation.

Besides, our reserve bandwidth capacity can always support your network in case of failures or other emergency.


WBR,
Alex.

Official Communique from Samizdat Corporation
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Samizdatcorp.jpg

To: Alex from Lightning Communications

We possess a merchant fleet of 42 lightly armed transport ships and 16 light cruisers for security. We also possess a highly trained security force of 250,000 personnel, clad in full black body armor and armed with FN FAL battle rifles, .500 caliber S&W Magnum revolvers, .50 caliber heavy machine guns, and light mortars (81mm, 105mm.)

We will enclose photographs and specifications of our current model of broadcast satellite; we are hoping to develop one capable of breaking the brainwashing that too many governments practice on their people.

Signed,
Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO

Attachment: Specification for the Svoboda Mark I broadcast satellite.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e8/Milstar.jpg

Primary function: Jam-resistant civilian broadcast system
Manufacturer: Samizdat Corporation
Power plant: 13KW solar panels, 19KW solar cell
Weight: 6,500 kg
Orbit altitude: 60,000 km geosynchronous
Payload:

Low data rate communications (voice, data, teletype and facsimile) at 25 bit/s to 3,700 bit/s
Medium data rate communications (voice, data, teletype and facsimile) at 3.2 kbit/s to 1.2 Mbit/s
High data rate communication (voice, data, teletype and facsimile) at 1 Mbit/s to 50 Mbit/s
Defenses: 30mm KMI Mk. 28 ETC CIWS x 4, 40,000 rounds per cannon
Launch vehicle: Kengir MK-1A ICBM
Inventory: 31
Unit Cost: $1.9 billion

<bump>

Lightning Communications
Lightning Communications - единое информационное пространство.

Well, we were more interested in a mutual defense pact with the military of Kahanistan. As you understand, we need a deterrent against Earth-based attacks against us. Our space capabilities will surely be of enough interest to the central military.

The development of the new satellite is now continued. Due to mass production and inexpensive space launches by ALC, we produce satellites at considerably more affordable price, at the expense of higher weight. Still, with ALC launches, they will be able to boost the network with much less expenses.


WBR,
Alex.

CEO and Owner of Prostie Corp, Sarah Huyt

I am sure that a few workers in Prostie Corp would be happy to help out your company. If you need any help with the pornographic part of your country, I could easily set up a branch in the country you work in, and get things started. That is, if prostitution is legal in whatever country your country is from.

Best of Luck.

OOC: She doesn't know what country yet because she isn't paying attention to the country...

Official Communique from Samizdat Corporation
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Samizdatcorp.jpg

To: Alex from Lightning Communications

We are merely a corporation, if you want to talk about mutual defense with the Kahanistanian military, you can talk to Lieutenant General Mustafa Lavalle, Acting Minister of Defense. However, we can tell you that most of Kahanistan's satellites, military and civilian, were destroyed by the Whyaticans.

Signed,
Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO

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Official Communique from Samizdat Corporation
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Samizdatcorp.jpg

To: Sarah Huyt, CEO and Owner of Prostie Corp.

Prostie Corp. would be most welcome in Kahanistan. Prostitution is legal and taxed here. Forward inquiries about business regulations to Mr. Angus McKimble, Minister of Commerce. We are just a corporation.

Anyone interested in modeling for our pornographic subsidiaries would have to contact the subsidiaries of Samizdat Corporation that conduct that business.

Signed,
Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO

To: Angus McKimbal
Topic: Prostie Corp.
From: Sarah Huyt

Hello McKimbal. I would like to set up a branch of the Havian business known as 'Prostie Corp.' in your country. If I am allowed to do so, just direct me to a place where I can get more information. If you need more information no our company, please ask.



Official Announcement from the Free Havenic Republic of Kahanistan
Ministry of Commerce

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/kahanistan.jpg

To: Ms. Sarah Huyt

The Government of Kahanistan has no laws against prostitution, and no reason to bar Prostie Corp. from doing business in Kahanistan.

As long as your company pays corporate income taxes and abides by guidelines set by the Ministry of Health to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, it is welcome to conduct business in Kahanistan.

Signed,

Angus McKimble,
Minister of Commerce


To: Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO
Topic: Models
From: Sarah Huyt

After talking to some workers here in Prostie Corp, a few of them (including I) shall come down to your company, and do a small portion of help for your company.

End Topic

Official Communique from Samizdat Corporation
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Samizdatcorp.jpg

To: Sarah Huyt, CEO and Owner of Prostie Corp.

In our quest to free society of its moral shackles, we will indeed partner with your great corporation. We have an office constructed at our own expense in the eastern settlement of New Sodom.

Signed,
Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO

[Encrypted Message]

To: Samizdat Corporation
From: Krisona Corporation

Krisona Corporation specializes in the security and protection of private property. Currently, we operate a fleet of orbital "bodyguard" satellites which can stay in the close proximity of your satellites in order to protect them from orbital, earth-to-satellite, and many other types of interferance.

If you are interested, we can perhaps negotiate a yearly deal as to the cost of this protection.

Official Communique from Samizdat Corporation
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Samizdatcorp.jpg

To: Krisona Corporation
Encryption Code: AM-32-KE-74-PQ-91-JD-05-FY-86

We are interested in protection from all threats; satellite and terrestrial based jamming and reliable protection against ASAT missiles and ball bearing attacks. We are open to negotiation regarding fees.

Signed,
Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO

[Encrypted Message]

To: Samizdat Corporation
From: Krisona Corporation

Because of the massive cost of keeping satellites in a continuous defensive position and on a constant alert, the price of our service is fairly high. We require no less than 100 million USD to initiate the service, and then 20 million USD per year after that point. If you can agree to these prices, we can begin moving units soon.

[END]

Official Communique from Samizdat Corporation
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/Samizdatcorp.jpg

To: Krisona Corporation
Encryption Code: AM-32-KE-74-PQ-91-JD-05-FY-86

We accept your offer. We will wire an initial payment of $120 million USD for coverage for the year while we research our own defensive technology.

Signed,
Abdul-Rahman ibn Abdul-Wahid al-Sisroti, CEO

[Encrypted Message]

To: Samizdat Corporation
From: Krisona Corporation

Thank you for choosing Krisona Corporation for your security needs. Our defense satellites are being prepared at this moment.

[END]

<bump>

In the meanwhile, a single DVD made it's way into the offices of the Kahanistani Samizdat Corporation. It was packaged like a Doomani propaganda video, and titled: Our Emperor at Home and at Work. As a matter of fact, once one viewed the video, it was also made to look as a Doomani propaganda video – or rather, a truly sick parody thereof.

It consisted of what appeared to be documentary footage of the Emperor of Doomingsland, Maximus, engaging in various types of extremely perverted and humiliating (by Doomani standards) sex. Any obscure roman name – fellatio, passive-gay-sex, any kind of perversion – if this video was to be believed, Doomingsland's leader did it all.

Additionally, if the film was to be believed , there was a big reason why Doominglsand was so much into big weapons and big military – let's just say Maximus had a lot of stuff to compensate for – or rather, him not having a lot of, well, stuff.

The film also involved an 'Allanean' looking suspiciously like the United States Fieldmarshal, a 'Kahanistani prisoner', three sturty legionnaires and multiple animals.

And then the credits ran, in which the Doomani office responsible for military propaganda claimed responsibility for the flick, the Emperor was listed as a principal actor, and all the other roles were claimed to have been filled by people with common Doomani names.

The film has been accompanied with a single note:

According to my information, this film has been recovered by Allanean forces who fought in Africa. Copies have been uploaded to several video-sharing sites, but we are sure you can still make a handy profit distributing this. Within several hours, you will also receive some aid in covering initial production.

Indeed, three hours later, an 'anonymous donor' transferred six million dollars to the account of the Samizdat Corporation.

Within minutes of the DVD transmission, a factory in New Sodom, Havenic Kahanistan, had begun production of the Allanean film. Tens of thousands of small, round discs labeled Our Emperor at Home and at Work rolled off the assembly lines into huge vats, where immigrant and other impoverished laborers, now making the obscene rate of five shekels, or about nine UN Standard Dollars, an hour, put them into wheelbarrows to the line where plastic or polymer disc covers were made.

By the end of the week, Kahanistanian teenagers were talking about nothing else in the halls of their schools, inundating their little brothers and sisters with the lurid details of Maximus pulling a Kenneth Pinyan. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenneth_Pinyan) One particularly slutty girl posted a copy of it on her Myspace, implying that she would let guys do the things in the video to her. People also smoked weed and drank booze while watching it in mixed-gender groups, creating the background for many an orgy.