The Jade Star
02-02-2007, 10:23
(Well, as it turns out the MT crowd is rather boring, so heres to all you space cats out there. A nice shiney gun to tack onto your fourty mile long death cruisers of doom. Based off of my Earth PT nation, which is what this post was originally intended for ;))
Nervous students clustered around the viewing platform of one of the larger artifice pits. These buildings were constructed along roughly the same lines as fireworks factories, with very thick walls and very thin ceilings. Their eyes were mostly fixed on a figure in green bent over a large magnifine glass.
"Its no good. No good at all. ~desu"
The figure looked up.
"Send it back. The crystal matrix has far too many imperfections, the plasma manifolds will vaporize if anybody even considers firing this thing. ~desu"
There was a groan in the assembled crowd.
"We spent all week casting that bloody thing...is it really beyond all hope, Lady Vanima?"
Vanima rolled her eyes, "Why dont you set it up and test fire it? ~desu Preferably somewhere far from the Academy." She direct a finger towards the large brass object which she had been examining, "Or do you not trust six kilothaums of built up magical energy to behave on its own? No? Then send it back to the forges and start again."
"Six months of trying...a reliable thaum cannon cant be THAT hard to build, can it?"
"She has a point. It has to be pretty damn perfect if were going to put it on a skyship...think of what would happen if one of the ships powerstones cracked...the area would be unstable for decades, centuries even!"
"Still, the bitch doesnt have to- OW!"
"Talking about me behind my back, Jorrin? ~desu" Vanima winked, displaying her red eye, "Next time it will be more than smoking trousers and a charred butt."
"Mumblemumbleyesmaamsorrymaampleasedonthurtmemumble."
The crowd of students watched as their instructor glided out.
"What does 'desu' mean, anyway?"
"Hell if I know."
---
Archmagus Faust was balancing a crossbow bolt on the tip of his finger, but in an interested way.
"So ye'r sayin' we cant get the little bitty crystal bits to line up the way we want 'em to?"
"Yes, Archmagus. Kaima has been working on the problem for half a year now, but we have been forced to reject all of the cannons due to imperfections in the metal or the castings, both of which could result in catastrophic failure if the weapon were fired." The speaker was Michael, one of the Arch Mages assistants. "In fact, catastrophic might be too small of a word. Certainly devastating in the least. I understand the weapons maintain a several kilothaum charge, resulting in a very large explosion if they are not properly managed."
"I see...I see, so, basically they explode and we cant make a good enough casing to keep them from doing it?"
"A masterful summation, Archmage."
"So, bring in some people who know better. We cant let silly things like incompetent students slow us down."
"Goblins, Archmage. We employ them in the forges."
"Incompetent Goblins, then. Hmph. Would that be a tautology?" The Archmage flipped the bolt into the air, catching it on a crossbow withdrawn from his desk.
"I could not say sir, my experience with them is somewhat limited." Michael rolled his eyes internally. It was something you learned to do in the Archmages presence, since he was quite good at spotting such movements.
"Hmmm. Well, what about ordering out? Im sure somebody can produce this...cannon thingy. Its a big multiverse, after all. Just put out some specifications and such, give it a few weeks and we'll have our big blaster with bells on."
"There are concerns though, Archmage. Simply allowing others access to our plans for the cannon could compromise-"
"Then dont send the whole plan to anybody! Are ye' daft or something? Have one person make the phase modulated transductoid tubes and another make the quantum optical targetting sphere."
"But surely we can make the tubes here, sir..."
"What're you talking about?"
Michael slumped, "N-...Nevermind...I will arrange for the orders to be made."
"Good man. And tell those young fellows in the High Energy building to keep the light shows to a minimum, theyre disturbing half the Academy at night now."
---
It took several months and two exploded Thaum Cannons, but the day finnaly arrived. After the initial tests were run, the gun was polished, inspected, re-tested and then emplaced in the academy courtyard, a shining monument of brass and crystal.
"Its beautiful! ~desu" Kaima was practically hugging the massive weapon, "Cant you FEEL it? This is great! I love it when all the hard work pays off! ~desu"
The device was about ten feet long, most of it was a large sphere of brass, a nest of tubes, wheels and instruments protruded from the back, concetrated around two seats (currently manned by students). From the other end spouted the weapons barrel, which was surrounded by a large tube full of coolant.
The whole assembly was connected to a humming box which contained the powerstone that provided a constant flow of magical energy. The weapon would process this and, when activated, unleash a torrent of plasma on the selected target, which was currently a large block of steel with an Octirion backing.
Kaima was inspecting the dials now, leaning over one terrified students shoulder, "Make sure the plasma flow doesnt get backed up in the processing chamber, we'll have to make an emergency shutdown and restart the whole thing ~desu...keep the steam levels in check, number two there is a little high...stop fidgeting, you'll upset the regulators! ~desu"
"Upsetting the students, Kaima? How...like you."
Kaima stood bolt upright, grinning widely, "Archmagus. How nice of you to come to our little demonstration. ~desu"
Faust nodded, "I was curious to see if the amount of funding I had diverted to this project had paid off. I understand that you've put a temporary hold on almost everything else in the Artifice department."
"Well of course. ~desu" Kaima shrugged, "The Thaum Cannon project required the use of most of the students and staff avalible. You wouldnt give me any more, so I made do with the resources at hand. ~desu" Kaima pointed to the brass assemblage behind her, which chose that moment to gleam impressivly, "Theres your result. Were going to see how big a hole we can make with it now."
"Really? And this is different from, say, throwing a fireball at something?"
"The principal is similar. Only this fireball is a foot across, has a range of about four miles in the atmosphere and we think it'll vaporize any organic matter it touches. ~desu" Kaima's grin widened, "We intend to find out."
"This isnt going to be like the time you shot that student, is it?" Faust eyed the cannon.
"Oh NO. ~desu Of course not! This time our target wont be able to run away! ~desu" The mage gestured, "Its a steel block, so dont worry! No complaints and no hospital time for students foolish enough to comment on their instructors love life! ~desu"
"oh, I see. Well, carry on. I'll be over here...hopefully away from any explosions." You learned to be careful around Kaima. She usually didnt generate any fatalities, but no student of hers escaped without a scar or two. Or five.
She bowed to the retreating Archmage, "As you say, Mage Faust." She turned, "PREPARE TO FIRE! ~desu"
Students at the controls worked frantically, the hum from the powerstone picked up, building to a whine. The air around the cannon started to shimmer, as if the gun was extremly hot. The students on the controls exchanged phrases like 'open valves four to six' and 'plasma manifolds are go', only the artificer students understood what they meant, but everybody else thought it sounded damn impressive anyway.
After some time, one of the students gave a thumbs up sign.
Kaima grinned and took a dramatic pose, pointing at the steel block, "FIRE! ~d-"
The rest was drowned out by the massive roar of the discharging plasma gun, an arc of blue-red-white-green-black-purple-yellow-orange-brown fire burst from the cannons barrel, tore across the plaza and vaporized the entire ten foot wide six foot thick block of steel and left the Octirion plate behind it glowing red hot. Magical shields beside the target zone snapped on, glowing in a variety of colours before collapsing.
After some time, Kaima picked herself up and stared at the spreading pool of melted steel and crumpling Octirion. The students on the gun were frozen, staring ahead in blank shock.
"M-maybe, m-m-miss Vanima it would be w-w-wise to re-reduce the p-p-p-power outp-p-p-ut just a li-little in the f-future..." The student was holding his hand as far from the firing stud as he could get it and staring in horror at what he had done.
"Yes...~desu This is most irritating...that Octirion is going to be glowing for weeks now and the steel is going to be a pain to clean up. ~desu Oh, Archmage, good to see yo-...oh, the eyebrows werent really you anyway. ~desu"
Faust brushed the charred remnants of his eyebrows off, "Mage Kaima...I congratulate you on a successful enterprise...the artifice department has again shown its worth...however, I beleive that further demonstrations should not take place in important public meeting places. You understand?"
"Oh, well of course. ~desu But we can have this cleaned up in no ti-"
"Kaima, lets leave it to the staff, yes? I do not wish to see what horrors you might visit upon my plaza in your attempts to clean that," The archmage indicated the slowly spreading pool of liquid metal, "Up. Lets leave it at that."
"Thats not nice. ~desu You know we dont NORMALLY wreak quite this much destruction. ~desu" Kaima folded her arms and adopted an exaggerated pout.
"That hasnt worked on me in six decades and you know it, Kaima. But, I will authorize general production of these...thaum cannons. I am most impressed, pass my compliments on to your students."
Kaima's grin grew as she bowed, "Of course, Archmage. Im sure they will be delighted. ~desu"
The Archmage nodded, restored his eyebrows with a snap of his fingers and carefully stepped around the rivulets of metal working their way through the mortar in the plazas stones.
---
Kings, Queens, Princes, Dukes, assorted potentates and variously titled rulers of peoples, states, planets, galaxies and so forth,
Greetings.
The Tolarian Academy's finest minds have produced yet another wonderous invention which, after much rigerous testing and retesting, has been declared ready for the open market.
Some speak of lasers as the ultimate end-all in modern combat, others of Masers, Phasers, Xasers and various other asers. Others of the proton, photon, nuclear, quantum and void torpedos. Some thing the future lies in matter-based weapons, rail drivers, gauss cannons, HV guns, and various chemically powered weapons. A few tout the scientific marvels of black hole projection, warp-based weaponry and the ever popular boarding party.
Well, ladies, gentlemen and variously sexed creatures, the Tolarian Academy has brought you a new device.
The Thaum Cannon (Mk I), or 'T-Gun' as it has been termed by our students, uses accumulated magical energy as a power source. This energy is processed by our patented galvenising array, which is of course top secret and so forth, will self destruct if tampered with and blah blah blah, and focused into a plasma state which is quite deadly at just about any distance you can hit something at.
In its current phase the weapon employs a four to six kilothaum (that is, 1,000 Thaums) charge which can be easily selected by the ergonomically arranged instrumentation. The blast from a single shot can presently penetrate roughly fifty six feet of high density steel, with a recharge/cool down time of four seconds between shots (and an indefinite firing time if this rule is observed).
Each gun comes compleat with all instrumentation, its own power source and a lifetime warranty in case of equipment failure (please not that the warranty is void if the weapon is employed in any dimensions outside of our own.), as well as, free of charge and for now only, shielding to protect the weapons operators from magical backblast.
We will also consult with your own ship designers in regards to the installation of these devices, however they are quite adaptable as they do not tie in with the ships standard power source and are fairly compact.
The current price range is F24,000 per cannon plus installation fees. Large orders will receive special discounts and any orders over 500 units will be alowed free shipping, as well as complimentary air fresheners for each weapon.
Thank you for your time and consideration of our offer.
Kaima Vanima, High Magus of Tolaria
(Acting as) Sales Representative, Tolaria Arms Corp.
Nervous students clustered around the viewing platform of one of the larger artifice pits. These buildings were constructed along roughly the same lines as fireworks factories, with very thick walls and very thin ceilings. Their eyes were mostly fixed on a figure in green bent over a large magnifine glass.
"Its no good. No good at all. ~desu"
The figure looked up.
"Send it back. The crystal matrix has far too many imperfections, the plasma manifolds will vaporize if anybody even considers firing this thing. ~desu"
There was a groan in the assembled crowd.
"We spent all week casting that bloody thing...is it really beyond all hope, Lady Vanima?"
Vanima rolled her eyes, "Why dont you set it up and test fire it? ~desu Preferably somewhere far from the Academy." She direct a finger towards the large brass object which she had been examining, "Or do you not trust six kilothaums of built up magical energy to behave on its own? No? Then send it back to the forges and start again."
"Six months of trying...a reliable thaum cannon cant be THAT hard to build, can it?"
"She has a point. It has to be pretty damn perfect if were going to put it on a skyship...think of what would happen if one of the ships powerstones cracked...the area would be unstable for decades, centuries even!"
"Still, the bitch doesnt have to- OW!"
"Talking about me behind my back, Jorrin? ~desu" Vanima winked, displaying her red eye, "Next time it will be more than smoking trousers and a charred butt."
"Mumblemumbleyesmaamsorrymaampleasedonthurtmemumble."
The crowd of students watched as their instructor glided out.
"What does 'desu' mean, anyway?"
"Hell if I know."
---
Archmagus Faust was balancing a crossbow bolt on the tip of his finger, but in an interested way.
"So ye'r sayin' we cant get the little bitty crystal bits to line up the way we want 'em to?"
"Yes, Archmagus. Kaima has been working on the problem for half a year now, but we have been forced to reject all of the cannons due to imperfections in the metal or the castings, both of which could result in catastrophic failure if the weapon were fired." The speaker was Michael, one of the Arch Mages assistants. "In fact, catastrophic might be too small of a word. Certainly devastating in the least. I understand the weapons maintain a several kilothaum charge, resulting in a very large explosion if they are not properly managed."
"I see...I see, so, basically they explode and we cant make a good enough casing to keep them from doing it?"
"A masterful summation, Archmage."
"So, bring in some people who know better. We cant let silly things like incompetent students slow us down."
"Goblins, Archmage. We employ them in the forges."
"Incompetent Goblins, then. Hmph. Would that be a tautology?" The Archmage flipped the bolt into the air, catching it on a crossbow withdrawn from his desk.
"I could not say sir, my experience with them is somewhat limited." Michael rolled his eyes internally. It was something you learned to do in the Archmages presence, since he was quite good at spotting such movements.
"Hmmm. Well, what about ordering out? Im sure somebody can produce this...cannon thingy. Its a big multiverse, after all. Just put out some specifications and such, give it a few weeks and we'll have our big blaster with bells on."
"There are concerns though, Archmage. Simply allowing others access to our plans for the cannon could compromise-"
"Then dont send the whole plan to anybody! Are ye' daft or something? Have one person make the phase modulated transductoid tubes and another make the quantum optical targetting sphere."
"But surely we can make the tubes here, sir..."
"What're you talking about?"
Michael slumped, "N-...Nevermind...I will arrange for the orders to be made."
"Good man. And tell those young fellows in the High Energy building to keep the light shows to a minimum, theyre disturbing half the Academy at night now."
---
It took several months and two exploded Thaum Cannons, but the day finnaly arrived. After the initial tests were run, the gun was polished, inspected, re-tested and then emplaced in the academy courtyard, a shining monument of brass and crystal.
"Its beautiful! ~desu" Kaima was practically hugging the massive weapon, "Cant you FEEL it? This is great! I love it when all the hard work pays off! ~desu"
The device was about ten feet long, most of it was a large sphere of brass, a nest of tubes, wheels and instruments protruded from the back, concetrated around two seats (currently manned by students). From the other end spouted the weapons barrel, which was surrounded by a large tube full of coolant.
The whole assembly was connected to a humming box which contained the powerstone that provided a constant flow of magical energy. The weapon would process this and, when activated, unleash a torrent of plasma on the selected target, which was currently a large block of steel with an Octirion backing.
Kaima was inspecting the dials now, leaning over one terrified students shoulder, "Make sure the plasma flow doesnt get backed up in the processing chamber, we'll have to make an emergency shutdown and restart the whole thing ~desu...keep the steam levels in check, number two there is a little high...stop fidgeting, you'll upset the regulators! ~desu"
"Upsetting the students, Kaima? How...like you."
Kaima stood bolt upright, grinning widely, "Archmagus. How nice of you to come to our little demonstration. ~desu"
Faust nodded, "I was curious to see if the amount of funding I had diverted to this project had paid off. I understand that you've put a temporary hold on almost everything else in the Artifice department."
"Well of course. ~desu" Kaima shrugged, "The Thaum Cannon project required the use of most of the students and staff avalible. You wouldnt give me any more, so I made do with the resources at hand. ~desu" Kaima pointed to the brass assemblage behind her, which chose that moment to gleam impressivly, "Theres your result. Were going to see how big a hole we can make with it now."
"Really? And this is different from, say, throwing a fireball at something?"
"The principal is similar. Only this fireball is a foot across, has a range of about four miles in the atmosphere and we think it'll vaporize any organic matter it touches. ~desu" Kaima's grin widened, "We intend to find out."
"This isnt going to be like the time you shot that student, is it?" Faust eyed the cannon.
"Oh NO. ~desu Of course not! This time our target wont be able to run away! ~desu" The mage gestured, "Its a steel block, so dont worry! No complaints and no hospital time for students foolish enough to comment on their instructors love life! ~desu"
"oh, I see. Well, carry on. I'll be over here...hopefully away from any explosions." You learned to be careful around Kaima. She usually didnt generate any fatalities, but no student of hers escaped without a scar or two. Or five.
She bowed to the retreating Archmage, "As you say, Mage Faust." She turned, "PREPARE TO FIRE! ~desu"
Students at the controls worked frantically, the hum from the powerstone picked up, building to a whine. The air around the cannon started to shimmer, as if the gun was extremly hot. The students on the controls exchanged phrases like 'open valves four to six' and 'plasma manifolds are go', only the artificer students understood what they meant, but everybody else thought it sounded damn impressive anyway.
After some time, one of the students gave a thumbs up sign.
Kaima grinned and took a dramatic pose, pointing at the steel block, "FIRE! ~d-"
The rest was drowned out by the massive roar of the discharging plasma gun, an arc of blue-red-white-green-black-purple-yellow-orange-brown fire burst from the cannons barrel, tore across the plaza and vaporized the entire ten foot wide six foot thick block of steel and left the Octirion plate behind it glowing red hot. Magical shields beside the target zone snapped on, glowing in a variety of colours before collapsing.
After some time, Kaima picked herself up and stared at the spreading pool of melted steel and crumpling Octirion. The students on the gun were frozen, staring ahead in blank shock.
"M-maybe, m-m-miss Vanima it would be w-w-wise to re-reduce the p-p-p-power outp-p-p-ut just a li-little in the f-future..." The student was holding his hand as far from the firing stud as he could get it and staring in horror at what he had done.
"Yes...~desu This is most irritating...that Octirion is going to be glowing for weeks now and the steel is going to be a pain to clean up. ~desu Oh, Archmage, good to see yo-...oh, the eyebrows werent really you anyway. ~desu"
Faust brushed the charred remnants of his eyebrows off, "Mage Kaima...I congratulate you on a successful enterprise...the artifice department has again shown its worth...however, I beleive that further demonstrations should not take place in important public meeting places. You understand?"
"Oh, well of course. ~desu But we can have this cleaned up in no ti-"
"Kaima, lets leave it to the staff, yes? I do not wish to see what horrors you might visit upon my plaza in your attempts to clean that," The archmage indicated the slowly spreading pool of liquid metal, "Up. Lets leave it at that."
"Thats not nice. ~desu You know we dont NORMALLY wreak quite this much destruction. ~desu" Kaima folded her arms and adopted an exaggerated pout.
"That hasnt worked on me in six decades and you know it, Kaima. But, I will authorize general production of these...thaum cannons. I am most impressed, pass my compliments on to your students."
Kaima's grin grew as she bowed, "Of course, Archmage. Im sure they will be delighted. ~desu"
The Archmage nodded, restored his eyebrows with a snap of his fingers and carefully stepped around the rivulets of metal working their way through the mortar in the plazas stones.
---
Kings, Queens, Princes, Dukes, assorted potentates and variously titled rulers of peoples, states, planets, galaxies and so forth,
Greetings.
The Tolarian Academy's finest minds have produced yet another wonderous invention which, after much rigerous testing and retesting, has been declared ready for the open market.
Some speak of lasers as the ultimate end-all in modern combat, others of Masers, Phasers, Xasers and various other asers. Others of the proton, photon, nuclear, quantum and void torpedos. Some thing the future lies in matter-based weapons, rail drivers, gauss cannons, HV guns, and various chemically powered weapons. A few tout the scientific marvels of black hole projection, warp-based weaponry and the ever popular boarding party.
Well, ladies, gentlemen and variously sexed creatures, the Tolarian Academy has brought you a new device.
The Thaum Cannon (Mk I), or 'T-Gun' as it has been termed by our students, uses accumulated magical energy as a power source. This energy is processed by our patented galvenising array, which is of course top secret and so forth, will self destruct if tampered with and blah blah blah, and focused into a plasma state which is quite deadly at just about any distance you can hit something at.
In its current phase the weapon employs a four to six kilothaum (that is, 1,000 Thaums) charge which can be easily selected by the ergonomically arranged instrumentation. The blast from a single shot can presently penetrate roughly fifty six feet of high density steel, with a recharge/cool down time of four seconds between shots (and an indefinite firing time if this rule is observed).
Each gun comes compleat with all instrumentation, its own power source and a lifetime warranty in case of equipment failure (please not that the warranty is void if the weapon is employed in any dimensions outside of our own.), as well as, free of charge and for now only, shielding to protect the weapons operators from magical backblast.
We will also consult with your own ship designers in regards to the installation of these devices, however they are quite adaptable as they do not tie in with the ships standard power source and are fairly compact.
The current price range is F24,000 per cannon plus installation fees. Large orders will receive special discounts and any orders over 500 units will be alowed free shipping, as well as complimentary air fresheners for each weapon.
Thank you for your time and consideration of our offer.
Kaima Vanima, High Magus of Tolaria
(Acting as) Sales Representative, Tolaria Arms Corp.