MassPwnage
27-01-2007, 09:17
I haven't RP'ed in a long, long while, and to be frank, there's just a lot of things I really, really dislike about MassPwnage. Well ok, there's one, big overarching thing I dislike about MassPwnage, I'm cool with just about everything else, including the damp, hostile jungles.
What I dislike about MassPwnage is the Lizardmen, that's right, the Lizardmen, 4m high bipedal reptiles with sharp teeth, claws and incredible strength. I don't even know why the hell I invented them in the first place. Probably to give a young nation enough backbone to stand up against attacks by much larger, more aggressive nations. Probably; although by this point, I have no idea why. They've saved me from annihilation (who wants to attack guys with huge reptiles as soldiers?), but they've served their purpose.
Thus, I hereby pronounce the first retcon:
The sentient residents of MassPwnage are (mostly) humans.
No more Lizards, no more of them. Seriously. Even my leader was a talking reptile, which doesn't really make any SENSE you know, and it definitely stopped me from developing his character. Back in the old days, when I didn't have the foggiest clue as to what the fuck character development was, the Lizardman was enough of a cover excuse. But Now that I'm a better writer, I want to describe my characters in more detail, and to do that, I need to get rid of the fact that they're 4m tall reptiles. That's just stupid. Also, 4m tall reptiles make for rather poor war RPs. They're like any n00b's super soldier program, except worse.
This leads to the second retcon:
The Great Leader Li is not a Lizardman, neither are any of his related family members.
No, he's not a reptile. He's still a foul mouthed, ill-tempered drug addict whose sanity nobody doubts (because they know he is insane), but he is a human.
The Great Leader Li is a human of Pwnage descent. If you were to assign an ethnicity to him, or wished to judge him by his ancestry (you racist prick), he is Asian, fairly physically nondescript (average height, average looks, etc.), and around forty-five years of age. Despite the fact that he's physically nondescript, you tend to notice when he enters a room. There's a certain gravity to him that attracts other people's eyes. Or maybe it's just that everybody in the room is afraid of him, or what he would do. He's mentally quite stable (and carries a certificate around with him to prove it), just extremely eccentric and unpredictable. People tend to watch his hands when he talks, because they're not sure if they have knives in them, or whether or not those hands would just end up around some poor bastard's neck.
Nobody's even sure how the Great Leader Li got his job either. They call him the Great Leader, because he's sort of like Kim Jong Il, egotistical, and desperate to cultivate a personality cult. He's really the CEO and President of MP Ordnance Corporation, an enormous multinational institution that does duty as MassPwnage's governing body. Well, MP Ordnance isn't really a corporation (more on that later). What they do know is that (adjusting for inflation) Gross Domestic Product has gone up 50% since he took power 20 years ago, so the old men in the suits (they're always old men in suits), figured they'd keep him around.
Of course, you'd think the old men in suits would try a coup or something, or at least try harder to get their way, but they've either gotten blackmailed, bribed or met with unfortunate accidents (like getting shot in the head ten times at point blank range with a 12 gauge) by now, so the Great Leader Li is in no danger of getting deposed anytime soon. And the people? Well, the people are just happy as long as the economy's doing well and there's plenty of free pornography on the internet.
The Great Leader Li's only known family members are his daughter Maia, who is the Chief Operating Officer of MP Ordnance Corporation, and is quite used to having to take over for her father when he decides to light up a joint laced with PCP for lunch, and his son Alex, who is a renowned doctor and naturalist.
He works in the Quadrilateral Office, an office that is of course, shaped like a quadrilateral of sorts.
Other locations include Pwnage Central Command and random various rooms of sorts that the Great Leader exists in.
Third Retcon:
MP was never Communist, NEVER
Back in my youth, I used to be communist. Well umm... that's before I took one look at just how much money the United States spent on welfare. I realized something more extreme like Communism would never work. Hence, I changed MP to a semi-anarchy-ish thinggie sometime in 2005.
MP still has the hammer and sickle as an emblem, but it's like the Swastika, it means something totally different in MassPwnage than it does in other parts of the world. You see, the Hammer and Sickle in MP stands for merely "blunt and sharp". It's sort of like MP's yin yang.
MP Ordnance Corporation is not really a corporation. It is an institution which is supported by the corporate and individual entities in MassPwnage. Essentially, MP Ordnance is the government. It collects taxes (member dues), maintains public works, the military etc. Unfortunately, MP is a very, very large country, MP Ordnance's influence doesn't extend into the back country, which is ruled by petty tribal warlords that spend most of their time hacking each other to pieces with machetes.
What I dislike about MassPwnage is the Lizardmen, that's right, the Lizardmen, 4m high bipedal reptiles with sharp teeth, claws and incredible strength. I don't even know why the hell I invented them in the first place. Probably to give a young nation enough backbone to stand up against attacks by much larger, more aggressive nations. Probably; although by this point, I have no idea why. They've saved me from annihilation (who wants to attack guys with huge reptiles as soldiers?), but they've served their purpose.
Thus, I hereby pronounce the first retcon:
The sentient residents of MassPwnage are (mostly) humans.
No more Lizards, no more of them. Seriously. Even my leader was a talking reptile, which doesn't really make any SENSE you know, and it definitely stopped me from developing his character. Back in the old days, when I didn't have the foggiest clue as to what the fuck character development was, the Lizardman was enough of a cover excuse. But Now that I'm a better writer, I want to describe my characters in more detail, and to do that, I need to get rid of the fact that they're 4m tall reptiles. That's just stupid. Also, 4m tall reptiles make for rather poor war RPs. They're like any n00b's super soldier program, except worse.
This leads to the second retcon:
The Great Leader Li is not a Lizardman, neither are any of his related family members.
No, he's not a reptile. He's still a foul mouthed, ill-tempered drug addict whose sanity nobody doubts (because they know he is insane), but he is a human.
The Great Leader Li is a human of Pwnage descent. If you were to assign an ethnicity to him, or wished to judge him by his ancestry (you racist prick), he is Asian, fairly physically nondescript (average height, average looks, etc.), and around forty-five years of age. Despite the fact that he's physically nondescript, you tend to notice when he enters a room. There's a certain gravity to him that attracts other people's eyes. Or maybe it's just that everybody in the room is afraid of him, or what he would do. He's mentally quite stable (and carries a certificate around with him to prove it), just extremely eccentric and unpredictable. People tend to watch his hands when he talks, because they're not sure if they have knives in them, or whether or not those hands would just end up around some poor bastard's neck.
Nobody's even sure how the Great Leader Li got his job either. They call him the Great Leader, because he's sort of like Kim Jong Il, egotistical, and desperate to cultivate a personality cult. He's really the CEO and President of MP Ordnance Corporation, an enormous multinational institution that does duty as MassPwnage's governing body. Well, MP Ordnance isn't really a corporation (more on that later). What they do know is that (adjusting for inflation) Gross Domestic Product has gone up 50% since he took power 20 years ago, so the old men in the suits (they're always old men in suits), figured they'd keep him around.
Of course, you'd think the old men in suits would try a coup or something, or at least try harder to get their way, but they've either gotten blackmailed, bribed or met with unfortunate accidents (like getting shot in the head ten times at point blank range with a 12 gauge) by now, so the Great Leader Li is in no danger of getting deposed anytime soon. And the people? Well, the people are just happy as long as the economy's doing well and there's plenty of free pornography on the internet.
The Great Leader Li's only known family members are his daughter Maia, who is the Chief Operating Officer of MP Ordnance Corporation, and is quite used to having to take over for her father when he decides to light up a joint laced with PCP for lunch, and his son Alex, who is a renowned doctor and naturalist.
He works in the Quadrilateral Office, an office that is of course, shaped like a quadrilateral of sorts.
Other locations include Pwnage Central Command and random various rooms of sorts that the Great Leader exists in.
Third Retcon:
MP was never Communist, NEVER
Back in my youth, I used to be communist. Well umm... that's before I took one look at just how much money the United States spent on welfare. I realized something more extreme like Communism would never work. Hence, I changed MP to a semi-anarchy-ish thinggie sometime in 2005.
MP still has the hammer and sickle as an emblem, but it's like the Swastika, it means something totally different in MassPwnage than it does in other parts of the world. You see, the Hammer and Sickle in MP stands for merely "blunt and sharp". It's sort of like MP's yin yang.
MP Ordnance Corporation is not really a corporation. It is an institution which is supported by the corporate and individual entities in MassPwnage. Essentially, MP Ordnance is the government. It collects taxes (member dues), maintains public works, the military etc. Unfortunately, MP is a very, very large country, MP Ordnance's influence doesn't extend into the back country, which is ruled by petty tribal warlords that spend most of their time hacking each other to pieces with machetes.