Kedalfax
15-01-2007, 23:01
The KBC Nightly News comes on, a man and a woman at a news desk begin telling tonight's headlines.
Male anchor: Tonight on KBC's Nightly News: Toothbrushes that kill, we get you the inside scoop!
Female anchor: And a new product that could make your do bite your head off; why haven't the manufacturers said anything?
Male anchor: But first, the Catholic Church of Kedalfax is calling for the President to Resign! We'll tell you why, on tonight's Nightly News.
News intro plays
Male anchor: I'm James Miller,
Female anchor: And I'm Julia Reed. Tonight on the news, a shocking statement by the archbishop of Kedalfax's Catholic Church. The recent sex scandal in the Presidency has made him request that the President resign. The archbishop has instructed all of the catholic churches to disallow the President from entering. The archbishop had this to say:
Screen cuts to a man in religious robes in front of a church. The man speaks.
President Linnenbach has embarrassed the Catholic church with this scandal. We do not want him to be representing the Church or the Nation any more. We insist that he resign his office immediately. If he does not, he must face the wrath of God!
Screen cuts back to the desk
Male anchor: The President was involved in a sex scandal that came out this week, in which he was accused of using government funds to hire male escorts for his own personal services.
The Press Secretary turns off the TV
"Mr. President, we have to do something. This is going to be bad. I know what you did, you know what you did, and now the damn Catholics know what you did. And you don't want to piss off religious nuts. Just look what happened with the last President.
The last President was killed when a religious extremist group blew up a church.
"Tell them the accusations are false," said the President.
"But they aren't!"
"How long have you been Press Secretary? Just because something is false doesn't mean they won't believe it!"
"They have evidence! They have the spending records! They have the guy you sent to kill the escorts!"
"Tell them the accusations are false, or I'll tell them that the escorts were for you!"
"Okay, Mr. President. I'll tell them they're wrong. But how do I explain the money?"
"Make something up."
Male anchor: Tonight on KBC's Nightly News: Toothbrushes that kill, we get you the inside scoop!
Female anchor: And a new product that could make your do bite your head off; why haven't the manufacturers said anything?
Male anchor: But first, the Catholic Church of Kedalfax is calling for the President to Resign! We'll tell you why, on tonight's Nightly News.
News intro plays
Male anchor: I'm James Miller,
Female anchor: And I'm Julia Reed. Tonight on the news, a shocking statement by the archbishop of Kedalfax's Catholic Church. The recent sex scandal in the Presidency has made him request that the President resign. The archbishop has instructed all of the catholic churches to disallow the President from entering. The archbishop had this to say:
Screen cuts to a man in religious robes in front of a church. The man speaks.
President Linnenbach has embarrassed the Catholic church with this scandal. We do not want him to be representing the Church or the Nation any more. We insist that he resign his office immediately. If he does not, he must face the wrath of God!
Screen cuts back to the desk
Male anchor: The President was involved in a sex scandal that came out this week, in which he was accused of using government funds to hire male escorts for his own personal services.
The Press Secretary turns off the TV
"Mr. President, we have to do something. This is going to be bad. I know what you did, you know what you did, and now the damn Catholics know what you did. And you don't want to piss off religious nuts. Just look what happened with the last President.
The last President was killed when a religious extremist group blew up a church.
"Tell them the accusations are false," said the President.
"But they aren't!"
"How long have you been Press Secretary? Just because something is false doesn't mean they won't believe it!"
"They have evidence! They have the spending records! They have the guy you sent to kill the escorts!"
"Tell them the accusations are false, or I'll tell them that the escorts were for you!"
"Okay, Mr. President. I'll tell them they're wrong. But how do I explain the money?"
"Make something up."