NationStates Jolt Archive

Kensington Palace

President Swanner sat in his leather chair, looking out at the fountains in front of his residence. They were lovely fountains, but he wasn't focusing on them, but rather the scantily-clad young intern in front of him. They had a wonderful afternoon, an orgy of sex and drugs and unchecked passion. But the intern was an annoying girl. She actually expected him to love her. And that wasn't cool. He pulled out his Walther pistol from his pants, which were draped on the sidearm of his chair. He played with it, tossed it around a bit, and then shot her in the head. A Prætorian Guard dragged her body to the incinerator and then cleaned up the mess.

The President liked idle chit-chat with random individuals that feared him.

"So, Guardswoman...how's the weather?"
"It's good, sir."
"Oh. So, what do you think of evil?"
"The alliance, sir?"
"No, like evil, the adjective."
"Oh...I like it if my President likes it."
"That's lovely. I like how it sounds. Evil..." The President savoured the word.

The Guardswoman walked out an hour later after they too had sex. Fortunately for her, she wasn't shot in the face.

***

"And as you can see, Mr. President, our Prætorian Guard troops have some the highest quality training in the world, thanks to the Skgorrians..." droned Chloe Sinclair, the Minister for Defence. The President said nothing. "Wow...you really have no attention span when we're having sex...I'm trying to brief you, and all you can think about is the great sex we're having...men..."

"You know, Chloe...I say we use the Guard," said the President as he and Chloe laid in his bed.
"For what, sir?"
"Well, I say we start by executing children who buy teddy bears."
"Alright, sir. I'll get right on it."

***

"Sir, sir!" shouted an eager, young Guard.
"What is it?" asked his superior officer, tiredly.
"I see a child with a teddy bear!"
"Well, execute him already!"

The machine guns lit up as they pumped the little boy's body full of lead. By the end of the day, six thousand children were dead.

***

"Yes!" shouted the President victoriously.
"I've been wondering, sir," replied the Minister for the Home Office. "Why are we killing children with teddy bears?"
"I don't know. It's funny?"
"Good point."

"Er...Mr. President?" asked Field Marshal Crompton of the Prætorian Guard. Crompton was Swanner's right hand man in everything.

"What is it, Elliot? And for the last time, call me James," replied the President.

"Yes, sir..I mean, James. Well, it seems that the people are upset over your execution of their children."

"Meh....what are they going to do? Dumbasses," grumbled the President.

"Well, it seems that there's a referendum to vote you out of office."

"Ooh. That's bad. Offer them free ice cream if they don't vote, then add the price of ice cream to their taxes."

"Got it."

***

Londinian Broadcasting Group (LBG) Broadcast

"And in other news, President James Swanner announced that there would be free ice cream for all those who do not vote in next week's referendum regarding the Presidential elections..."

***

"They aren't going for it, sir," reported the Minister for the Home Office.
"Assholes. What more could they want?"
"Freedom and liberty?"
"Can it, or you'll join the kids with teddy bears."
"Yes, sir."
"Well, if they don't want ice cream, I say we turn the election booths into gas chambers."
"I'll get right on it."

"So we've killed off the idiots that voted," reported the Deputy Prime Minister.

"That's good...now what?" asked the President.

"Er...we could commit a genocide!" cried the Minister for International Development.

"Good, good...I like that. Against whom?" replied the President.

"Uhh...white people!" stuttured the MoID.

"You idiot! A good third of the country is white, dumbass!" shouted the Minister for Defence, pulling out an assualt rifle and ventilating the Minister for International Development.

"Very nice. That reminds me, I need to see you and the Minister for Foreign and Commonwealth affairs in my office. Dress properly," the President said, winking.

"Good news, sir!" shouted the Minister for the Home Office.

"What is it?" asked the President, angrily. He had just installed Unreal Tournament 2007 on his computer, and didn't want to be disturbed. "It had better be good, or I will make you suffer."

"It is good, sir. We captured the CEO of The Londinian Toy Chest, a leading manufacturer of teddy bears!"

"Brilliant! We should drink to that!" The President then opened a six-pack of Smirnoff vodka and chugged it, then collapsed to the floor, unconscious.

He woke up three hours later, and ordered that the CEO be brought to him for torture.

***

"So, you're the CEO of TLTC, correct?" asked the President, playing with a giant, spiked rod.

"Yes, yes, I am, you sadistic whore," spat Sean McNulty, the Toy Chest CEO.

"Don't talk to me like that!" shouted the President, smacking McNulty in the testicles with the rod. McNulty screamed in pain.

"Now, that's better. I want to know why you did it," said President Swanner.

"Did what?" asked McNulty, confused.

"I'm asking the questions!" Swanner screeched, grabbing a taser from the wall. He promptly shot McNulty with the taser, who then writhed on the floor in agony. "Why do you make teddy bears!?"

McNulty started to laugh, but the pain in his balls made him stop. "Well, I make toys to make children happy."

"Now, that's the problem," Swanner stated as whacked McNulty in the face with the rod. "I hate children! I hate 'em! We can't make 'em fuckin' happy, stupid! If we do that, then, well, they'll be happy, and that's fuckin' bad!"

"Stop hitting me!" cried McNulty in desperation. In anger, Swanner stabbed him the face with the spiky rod, killing him.

"Oops."

OOC: LMHFAO (Laugh my holy fucking ass off)

"So, let me get this straight, Mr. President," said the Minister for Defence. "You want me to capture children, make them eat bombs, and then drop them on other nations?"

President Swanner nodded his head. "Yep. That's the plan. Now, can we go have sex now?"

"Not now, sir. After we talk about this. Then I'll go get Ms. Birhanu, your Foreign Minister, and we'll have a nice menage a trois," Chloe replied. She was all business now. "Where do you propose that we drop the children?"

"Hmm....I say we drop them on...protesters!" exclaimed the President.

"Alright then. Now we can have sex," said the MoD, a smirk growing on her face as she...[censored]

***

"This is Squadron Leader to Group, over. We have protesters sighted."
"Copy that, preparing to drop suicide-bomber-children, over."

Two thousand children with explosives in their stomachs dropped into Chelsea, killing a group of protesters. There were twelve protesters.

Classic Psychotic Dictatorship without the sheer unforgiving brutality of Kraven, or the class of Automagfreek. Lets get some classy genocides here!

Vladmir and Estragon sat in Victory Square in Bexley, watching a news broadcast of the child-bombing.

"Damn, that's...excessive," said Estragon, trying to pull off his boot with minimal success.
"Indeed...Estragon, I told you, boots need to be taken off everyday," replied Vladimir.

OOC: A little Waiting for Godot, anyone?

"You know, that latest round of bombing inspired me," mused the President. "I want a period of amnesty for children declared, and I want it announced that children and their families can get an apology and financial reparations if they come to my Palace tomorrow."

His Cabinet gasped.

"But I also want the Prætorian Guard here to kill them all in the blenders."

There was applause from the Cabinet.

***

LBG News, 2300 hrs

"Children of the Commonwealth, rejoice! The President announced that children would be killed no longer. He also announced that all children and their families were invited to Kensington Palace to celebrate. In other news..."

Thousands of naïve parents and their children lined up to enter the palace. None left...intact. They mostly left in smoothies distributed to the homeless and the hungry.


OOC: Note, the genocide only applies to children in second grade or lower.
OOC2: I think I'm pretty damn unrelentless: killing children for buying teddy bears, turning them into bombs, offering ice cream in lieu of gas chambers, turning children into smoothies...and if I'm not relentless, what can I do to be more relentless?

OOC: You sick mother fuckers, lmfao

Official Communiqué from the Britannic Commonwealth
To all nations of the world

There have been accusations that the Britannic Commonwealth's President is a sick "mother-fucker." President Swanner would like to make it clear that he is not afflicted with the Oedipus Complex. However, knowing that the accusers were not literal, and referred to him being a contemptable person, President Swanner acknowledges this. He also points out that it isn't his fault that he hates children; it's the fact that he's a pirate, and as pirate Maddox frequently points out, pirates hate children.

OOC:Give all the children free poisened ice cream and then start supply soma to your citizens for free at first, but since its addictive, make it cost more and more until you take their life savings.

As the sun rises King Christian decides to go skydiving to get in the mood for hardcore legislation. Hearing of the ongoing genocide he decides to drop in to see the president.

Spotting a group of teddybear waving protesters he decides to give the order to open fire.

OOC: But I have my secret police to kill them, then forge a will granting all their possessions to the government...:p. Besides, I want to genocide in style. :D

"Mr. President, I think I know what to do with some more of the children," announced Field Marshal Crompton.

"Ooh!" exclaimed the President, clapping his hands. "What should we do?"

"Well, our artillery does need some practice, and ammunition sure is expensive these days..."

"Got it. Thanks."

"No problem."

The next day...

"Mr. President, you weren't supposed to torture the ammo manufacturers to force them to lower prices!"

"Ohhhh...."

"You were supposed to load a thousand children into artillery pieces and fire them at stuff."

"Gotcha."

OCC: Not to rain on your genocide, but by killing off your youths, that you will lose a generation and undermine your military, econamy, etc.

OOC: But I'm still keeping children above second grade, so I still have new workers. Man, you just had to ruin the fun...

"Mr. President, I think there's a problem with our genocide against small children," reported the Minister for Trade and Industry.

"What is it?" sighed Swanner.

"Well, we're sort of killing off a major part of the future work force," stuttered the MoTI.

"Are you saying we stop the genocide?" cried the President.

"Er..well..no..yes, yes, I guess I am," muttered the MoTI.

"Unfucking believable," screamed the President. "Guards!"

A Prætorian Guard prompty ripped off the Minister's right leg and beat him to death with it.


OOC: This thread is entirely for kicks, and I don't intend on it having any real effect on my nation or anything else in II.

OOC: Im thinking, maybe a little insult...threats, followed by a massive war campaign, what tech are you?

OOC: War? Can't a guy have a genocide in peace, damn it? Whatever...I play as an MT nation.

OOC: Well, suppose unless you don't care I RP as post modern, no war. :( And I was looking forward to many explosions, death of thousands of soldiers and civilians alike maybe some singled out character posts, some intense fighting posts...eh w/e.

Storm-General Beckenbauer looked upon the reports coming from British Londinium.
"Damn, I'm so proud of them," he told a news conference with a tear in his eyes.

The press was then declared illegal, and all were shot. Then raped. Then dissected. Then reconstituted into things resembling bodies so they could raped again. Then electrocuted.

Skgorria will NEVER be outdone!

Meanwhile, on the Quintesson Homeworld...

'...And what is your plea?' growled a bio-mechanical monstrosity, its jagged teeth gnashed idly as it waited for an answer. A pair of Aumanii Shock Troopers stood on a platform overlooking a whirling, Sharkticon infested, pit of fluid, rubbing their wrists where the handcuffs had previously bound them.

'Spare us this mockery of Justice!' said one of the men in disgust.

'We are guilty of no crimes, sir! We are innocent! Release us immediately!'

High upon a dais at the top of a massive staircase floated the Quintessons, heads all turning upon the frame of their body, in turn they pronounced the men innocent.

Relieved, the Shock Troopers took several steps forward. The Quintessons were cackling with sinister monotony as the footing underneath the Troopers was lost. The pair of men fell to the pit, black fatigues the only thing seperating their soft, human, flesh from the razor sharp rows of voraciously chomping teeth of their Sharkticon executors.

The men were torn to pieces, never to be heard from again...

The President read the Kensington Times.

"Ooh. Those Skgorrians are trying to outdo us!" he shouted. "Er...that's bad, right?"

His Cabinet shook their heads.

"If you bitches keep shaking your heads, I'll fucking cut your faces off," Swanner declared angrily.

His Cabinet paused for a moment, then nodded their heads.

"Better. Oooh, I know!" exclaimed the President. "I want three million individuals, I don't care who, arrested and interned in our PG camps."

The Cabinet nodded some more, lest they be shot in the face.

"Then I want them electrocuted whilst being gassed whilst being given anthrax and Ebola and bubonic plague. Then I want to force another three million people to rape their corpses, then eat the corpses. Then I want whatever remains out of those six million people blended."

"Aye, aye," replied the Cabinet.

A live television feed of the execution of the President's diabolical plan was displayed on every channel in the Britannic Commonwealth.

"Ewwwww," most said. A few said, "Odd, but strangely arousing..." [censored]

Those that found it arousing had their genitals ripped off as they were impaled on an iron stake.

***

"Mmm....these smoothies are delicious! What's in 'em?"

"Humans."

"Oh. I'll take eight more."

***

"Mr. President, Mr. President!" cried a Guardsman. "There's a pregnant woman outside!"

The President gasped. "I thought I made getting pregnant a fucking crime, damn it!" he shouted. "Go get a spiky iron glove and punch her in the stomach."

"With pleasure, sir!"

SIC:

"People are sort of getting upset at your evilness, sir," reported the Minister for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs.

"So?" asked the President.

"Er...well, we need a scapegoat!"

"Brilliant! How about....er, um...."

"Hmm...Laquasa Isle?"

"Nah, they'll just bitch and moan, then go kill themselves."

"Point taken."

"Buddha C?"

"Yeah! Buddha C! O, the irony!" they laughed.

OOC: With your permission, of course.

Torture Chamber, 0940 hrs

"So, who are you working for!?" shouted the President.

The teddy bear was unresponsive.

"So, not going to talk, eh?"

The teddy bear said nothing.

"Fine...er, well...Fuck you!" screamed the President, trying to elicit a response from the toy. There was none.

"Look, I'm trying to give you a way out," the President said, switching tones. "All you have to do is betray the resistance, and I'll let you escape to a nation that isn't trying to kill you."

The teddy bear did not move.

"Aww...is Mr. Teddy Bear trying to save his friends?" asked the President sarcastically. "Well, too bad! You are going down, bitch!"

The President then proceeded to rape the teddy bear, then killed him by nailing him to a flaming tree.

"Next!" shouted the President, and another bear entered. The same thing happened again...

Some crazy stuff, now my crazy things.

Lichtenburg picks up a phone, "I need a bowl of clam chower, 5lbs of C-4, and a motorscoter."

"Why, Mr. Secretary."

"Because, Im hungry and I want to blow something up."

A Republic Guardsman enters, "Heres, the chower."

"Thank you."

Eats the chower, and hops on the scoter with the C-4 in a wraped box and drives to the Brydog Nazi Party.

"Happy, whatever holiday. You nazi pricks celebrate."

"What is it, I ticks. Mr. Reichmarshall."

BOOM!!!

"It's a bomb, here's a note."

"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US"

"Damn, liberal government and their humor."

In the President of the Republic's office

"Lichtenburg, why are the nazis still here.The entire nation is liberal except for the 7 people that make up the Nazi party."

"Hmm, they think their going to win the election coming up, Robert."

Bilbo picks up phone, "Give me Field Marshal Handstand, and Chief Commissioner Fullerson."

door opens and Handstand and Fullerson enters. "Yes"

"Arrest all the nazis for treason against the Republic."

"Im charge of the military, Why im here." asked Handstand

"I want you do deploy troops and seize the Nazi party's beach complex."

"Yes, sir" both replied and leave

The President turns to Lichtenburg, "My daughter never kiss a antro wolf before, Wolfgang. Kiss her and I will gave you, R$100."

"Ok?, are you alright"

"I smoked 50lbs of crack"

The chair breaks and Wolfgang falls, and somehow lands on a dagger which stabs into his tail. "AHHH, Help me Jesus, Jewish God, Allah, and Tom Cruise, Help me."

Lichtenburg's statement is from the movie, "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby", now on DVD.

"Why was there a ad"

"What the heck is wrong with our creator."

"Hmm"

"I still have the dagger in my tail, Robert"

"Pull it out, Wolfgang"

"Pull it out?"

"Yes"

"Ok, [censored]"

"Are you ok, Wolfgang?"

"Im fine, but my tail hurts like [censor]"

"I still don't understand why, you guys became humaniod."

"Whats wrong what us being like you humans."

"Nothing wrong, but im not still use to animals walking on two legs, speaking perfect grammer."

"Ya, We're special"

"But, it's better then the other thing of everyone being anthros."

"Still can't believe I was elected President, and now im the Secretary of State. So, Im the first person foreign leaders see when visiting."

"Oddly, yes. Let's go to Van Walker's Dutch Buffet."

"Mmm, Im hungry. Let's go"

"Er...Mr. President?"

"What is it? And can we get back to sex, Defence Minister and Foreign Minister?"

"In a minute. Why the fuck did you torture teddy bears?"

"Er...to get information?"

"Works for us."

***

"So, Mr. Auric, you're guilty of treason and sedition," announced the judge. Auric started to sob.

"And, in accordance with Executive Order 190214, you are to be executed in a most painful manner....you're to be raped and eaten by Oprah..."

"NOOOO!" cried Auric, who then tried to kill himself and failed miserably.

***

"And in other news, thousands of housewives in British Londinium experienced severe retinal scarring after the broadcast of the latest Oprah episode, which featured Oprah raping and eating a convict...."

***

"You know what?" said the President before Parliament. "Ellen DeGeneres needs to die a painful death."

There was applause.

"Good. Then we'll force Oprah and Ellen to fight in a cage match to the death. Ellen will obviously die, since she'll be raped and eaten. Muhahahahahah!"

***

As the televisions broadcast the cage match, there was widespread vomiting and applause as Oprah, the giant chocolate bulldozer, raped and ate Ellen DeGeneres.

President picks phone, "Hello, John. I want to carry out the plan."

"Ok, Mr. President"

Ambassador Pederson opens the window and yells "Liberalism is good, British Londinium is crazy."

"How dare they!" cried the President. "Fire ze missiles!"

On the distance, the city of Bexley burst into flames as they were hit with two hundred cruise missiles.

"Oops. I should have known better than to set the coordinates by having a monkey dance on the control panels..."

"Send a letter to Brydog, and every other nation you can think of."

"Got it."

***

To all nations of the world:

aghagaegahwesuiothgseigheilwang9gsuogvzhnas ouifghnaruiæigbv na>©éåƒ?¨ å?ü42߃~* ƒçœ¥åßzcz

Signed,
James Swanner
President

"President Swanner, you idiot!" bellowed his Public Relations advisor. "Have you read the message you sent out to the world!?!?"

"Hey, shut the fuck up, bitch!" cried Swanner, pulling out a machine gun and riddling the PR guy with bullets. "Muahahahhahahahahahahaha!"

To all nations of the world:

aghagaegahwesuiothgseigheilwang9gsuogvzhnas ouifghnaruiæigbv na>©éåƒ?¨ å?ü42߃~* ƒçœ¥åßzcz

Signed,
James Swanner
President

Chairman Aszenmil was happily oblivious of the world around him, he had gotten Compnay of Heroes for Christmas, nuff' said.

"Sir?" called out his Prime Minister

"Yeah?"

"We just recieved this weird message"

"Yeah?"

"So, what should we do?"

"Yeah?"

The Prime Minister sighed, this needed to stop, now. Thus he pulled the plug of the computer, the Chairman turned around in his comfy chair.

"We need you to answer this message"

"Ok, while I do that, I want my guards to beat you to death... WITH COOKIES!

The screams in the background helped the chairman answer, at least till' they died out.

Official Response to British Londinium

1 c4/\/ /o(/\)/\/ j00, n008.

j00 4r3 73/-/ 5/_/><.

PS: I suggest you beat people down with cookies, I find that Oreos are great for this, then you can drown people with the white thingy!

To the World Soviet Party

Thank you, dear friends in World Soviet Party. I shall do that at once.

Signed,
James Swanner
President of the Britannic Commonwealth

***

"Open fire!" cried the Field Marshal. Thirty thousand Prætorian Guards fired millions of Oreos at a crowd in a mall. They all died due to bleeding or drowning. Those that didn't die were sent to Oprah to be raped and eaten.

OOC: Well, since we're all having a bit of excessivly needless Graphic Violence fun, let me jump in with a bit of Fantasy Tech.

IC:

Deep in the void...

"Ahh, such violence, The influnce of The Dark Gods spread. I have taught well. I'm so happy." Kajeenith said. A tear of pride welled up in his eye. he wiped it away. An innocent passerby gaped ina stonishment, a genuine tear from Kajeenith, it would be worth the fortunes of entire nations.

Kajeenith turned to said passerby, grinned, and jumped on him.

First the man was beaten to Death, ressureccted, and beaten to death again. Then he was rectally violated with every single object in the void, including a five foot in Diameter zucchini, then he was ripped open and forced to eat his own heart while being kept alive soley by Kajeenith's will. Afterwards, Kajeenith bathed in the man's blood then forced the man to drink it. Afterwards the flesh was set on fire and slowly roasted to to perfection, then sown back on his chest with a remarkably dull rusty needle and brittle stiff thread.

After all this was done he was ripped apart body part by body part, and then sown back together in a pattern that just had to be seen to be believed, then his Head was sewn back on accross from his ass and the man was released to live like this in the Void forever, having his hands and arms where his legs where, his legs where his ears were, his feet attached to his ears which was where his arms once were.

Having finished with his morning Torturcise, Kajeenith looked forward to a full day of ecessivly violent torturing using much more extreme methods the likes of which no mortal mind could possibly comprehend, much less imagine.

"Rawr," growled the President. "Those Ri-anians -"

"Sir, I think it's Ri-anese," interrupted the President's new PR official.

"Ok, that's the last fucking straw, bitch. You are going down!" screamed the President, who then ripped off the man's penis and skipped rope with it. After that, the President shoved it down the man's throat, suffocating him.

"Now, as I was saying, those Ri-anians are trying to outdo us in terms of sheer evil and brutality," the President said coldly.

"Uh, Mr. President? I have a question...why are we trying to be evil?" asked an intern.

"Fucking bitch!" shouted the President, who then engaged in a lengthy vivisection of the intern. Her screams filled the Palace.

"Now, we're evil because I like that word. So, how do we be even more evil?" asked the President, stifling his laughter at the sight of her vivisected corpse.

"I know! We kill old, retired people who don't contribute to the economy!"

"How do we kill them?"

"Send them to Oprah to be raped and eaten?"

"Fool," shouted the President, who then ripped off the advisors head and devoured his brain. "We shall turn them into eggrolls!"

"Eggrolls! Yay!"

Kajeenith was observing from the Void.

"Their using Oprah, how amusing. First we freeze time in a single moment. Then we remove Oprah to the Void. Increase her strength by a factor of 500, increase physique to Amazonian status. As if that wasn't enough, make her the Fastest woman alive.

Send back their Oprah in the place she was and unfreeze time, sit back and watch hilarity ensue."

Kajeenith thought about, and then sent them the most Diabolical machine he ever invented, The Robotic Richard Simmons with the Bionic Ass.

in a flash a tall man now stand in the open in front of a army
"wipe this world of all male life and take all female's alive"said the man


OOC do what you like with the army,i just pop in and out with there leader

Jodie Smith sat in her house watching Oprah whilst snacking on an old person eggroll. All of a sudden, Oprah disappeared from the screen.

"Nooooooo!" cried Jodie, who started to sob uncontrollably.

She then reappeared, as this giant, Amazonian woman who ran uncontrollably fast and was überstrong.

***

"Darwin damn it!" shouted the President. "Fucking unbelievable. Where is Oprah now?"

"Harpo Studios in Chicago."

"Good. Chicago is far from here, right?"

"Right."

"Launch eighty cruise missiles at her. Go to BIKINI Alert Critical. All the armed forces need to be on full alert."

***

A group of fifty thousand soldiers on the southern island stood blankly at the random appearance of the army.

A lieutenant stepped forth.

"Uhh...welcome to the Commonwealth, can I take your order?" she asked.

OOC: Don't forget The robotic Richard Simmons with the Bionic Ass...

IC: The Robotic Richard Simmons with the Bionic ass suddenly appeared of a crowd of unbelievably overweight people.

A little speaker came out of Robo Richard's head.

"Its time to Sweat to the Oldies." Robo Richard said.

Those who tried to escape where chased down and dragged back, and forced to sweat to the Oldies. There was no stopping. The Taser accessory made it impossible.

This was of course, was taking place as Close to Brittish Londinium as possible, if not actually taking place inside the nation borders.

The Frightening thing was, was that Robo Richards was making his way to the Palace to make President James Swanner himself sweat to the Oldies.

"take her and the other female's and kill the male's" said the man as he place a round into the head of a near by male soldier

"yes they make a good breeding mate's"said the man as he watch the female's be taken to a port hole and male get rip apart

"NOOOOOOOOO!" shouted the President as he noticed Robo Simmons was in Kensington. "All troops, take him down!"

Three hundred thousand troops rushed to intercept Robo Simmons, machine gunning him, whilst tanks shelled him and eighteen Curiatii fighters strafed him with missiles.

"take her and the other female's and kill the male's" said the man as he place a round into the head of a near by male soldier

"yes they make a good breeding mate's"said the man as he watch the female's be taken to a port hole and male get rip apart

OOC: Er, how many soldiers? And a good portion of my military is made up of women.

OOC: Er, how many soldiers? And a good portion of my military is made up of women.

OOC about 40000 ,with more on stand by

OOC: And a portal? Isn't that rather wankish, considering I'm PMT at best?

"NOOOOOOOOO!" shouted the President as he noticed Robo Simmons was in Kensington. "All troops, take him down!"

Three hundred thousand troops rushed to intercept Robo Simmons, machine gunning him, whilst tanks shelled him and eighteen Curiatii fighters strafed him with missiles.

Richard was blown to bits, except the Bionic ass, which started shaking incredably violently.

"Oh my God, its GONNA BLOW!" came a voice from nowhere.

then with a remarkably big bang that shook all the windows and rattled all the doors, The ass split into two and didn't go anywhere. A banner unfurled that read only one single word.

"Gotcha!"

The Robo Richard was no more.

In the void...

Kajeenith was in tears from laughing so hard. He waited to see what sort of mischief he could cause next.

OOC: And a portal? Isn't that rather wankish, considering I'm PMT at best?

OOC do you know what's Ri-an Kajeenith is, i do

"That...was scary as fuck," said the President, visibly shaking due to the trauma. "I feel like shit after that. I want all the troops in the city to put on their gas masks, then I want soma sprayed all over the city."

Fifteen minutes later

With the exception of the soldiers, Kensington had morphed into the stately, majestic capital of the Commonwealth into a centre of hedonism, drugs, and orgies. The President was loving it.

OOC do you know what's Ri-an Kajeenith is, i do

OOC:
Yes, but I'm not fighting him with an uber military.

I'm just stirring up a little humor in spirit with the thread.

I'm tempted to help him out.

I'm tempted to show you the true powers of The Void.

OOC:
Yes, but I'm not fighting him with an uber military.

I'm just stirring up a little humor in spirit with the thread.

I'm tempted to help him out.

I'm tempted to show you the true powers of The Void.

OOC this lot a poor lot of troops iam about to kill them myself

OOC this lot a poor lot of troops iam about to kill them myself

OOC: Oh! Oh! let me! Let me! I need more torture fodder for the Void!

OOC: I want to torture them! I need to come up with a sadistic torture for them....Muhahahahha!

OOC: Oh! Oh! let me! Let me! I need more torture fodder for the Void!

OOC: I want to torture them! I need to come up with a sadistic torture for them....Muhahahahha!

OOC how about i call more troop"s who upset a said person for both of you
just hand over some good looking female's

The soldiers still blankly stared at the Isan troops, and were startled by their proposal. Three hundred slutty, but attractive, female soldiers jumped through the portal.

Half the Isan troops suddenly found themselves in the Void. Trapped, for all eternity.

Kajeenith's Laugh echoed evily throughout the void.

The soldiers still blankly stared at the Isan troops, and were startled by their proposal. Three hundred slutty, but attractive, female soldiers jumped through the portal.

OOC they not Isan troops i'am RP as my IISA in no more, Ri-an know what iam on about
IC
as the female's went in, out came some one the lead of the Troops feared
"my lord why are you here"ask the man
the person just look's's at him
"sorry my lord"said the man
the other man keep's looking at him
"but my lord we have not"said the man
the next min the man head fell off his body
the troops run for they live's

OOC they not Isan troops i'am RP as my IISA in no more, Ri-an know what iam on about
IC
as the female's went in, out came some one the lead of the Troops feared
"my lord why are you here"ask the man
the person just look's's at him
"sorry my lord"said the man
the other man keep's looking at him
"but my lord we have not"said the man
the next min the man head fell off his body
the troops run for they live's

OOC: I used Isan in the since that their still yours.

IC:

Kajeenith appeared next to the man that came out of the Portal.

"Long time no see. In a Divergent Timeline, I might fear you, but that timeline is not this Timeline. The Gods greater than us all who sit in the Sealed Reality of RL have not done the power of RP to make it so. so it is not. now, in this particular Divergent Timeline, you need to close the Portal. No more playing with armies. Be the Real Diety the IISA Diety made you into and just appear and disappear like I do. If you must use portals then have the decency to at least close them behind you. Now, lets stir up some mischief." Kajeenith said. He turned and disappeared.

OOC: I used Isan in the since that their still yours.

IC:

Kajeenith appeared next to the man that came out of the Portal.

"Long time no see. In a Divergent Timeline, I might fear you, but that timeline is not this Timeline. The Gods greater than us all who sit in the Sealed Reality of RL have not done the power of RP to make it so. so it is not. now, in this particular Divergent Timeline, you need to close the Portal. No more playing with armies. Be the Real Diety the IISA Diety made you into and just appear and disappear like I do. If you must use portals then have the decency to at least close them behind you. Now, lets stir up some mischief." Kajeenith said. He turned and disappeared.
OOC lot , work out what the second copy is yet
IC

"i may hate you but you are right"said the Man after him the port close
"now drink shit load's and get some"said the Man

The President sat in his office, drinking a human smoothie and eating an old person eggroll.

Delicious, he said. It could use some more salt though...

The Vice President walked into the office.

"Sir, I think we have too many eggrolls," he announced.

"Oh. What do we do with them?"

"I know. I should send them to Clandonia Prime as a gift to celebrate their elections."

"Brilliant!" exclaimed the President. "Do it! In the mean time, I'm going to drink to my brilliant idea!" The President then downed another six pack of vodkas, then collapsed.

"It was my idea," muttered the Vice President.

"I heard that, bitch!" shouted the President, pulling out a pistol and shooting Yañez in the arm.

The President sat in his office, drinking a human smoothie and eating an old person eggroll.

Delicious, he said. It could use some more salt though...

The Vice President walked into the office.

"Sir, I think we have too many eggrolls," he announced.

"Oh. What do we do with them?"

"I know. I should send them to Clandonia Prime as a gift to celebrate their elections."

"Brilliant!" exclaimed the President. "Do it! In the mean time, I'm going to drink to my brilliant idea!" The President then downed another six pack of vodkas, then collapsed.

"It was my idea," muttered the Vice President.

"I heard that, bitch!" shouted the President, pulling out a pistol and shooting Yañez in the arm.

Kajeenith smiled, he would have his fun by toying with the president.

A dark cloud enveloped Yañez before the bullet struck. It evaporated, and the bullet bounced harmlessly off of Yañez.

With the next sunrise Yañez would no longer be bullet proof.

"Say what!?!?!?" screamed the President. "Why won't you suffer!?" he went into another room and grabbed a ceremonial sword, then proceeded to attempt to stab Yañez in the arm. The cloud deflected his blows. The six vodkas started to kick in again, and he collapsed to the ground. As he fell, he said, "You son of a bitch, tomorrow your arm is going down. Ass."

*Thump*

"Say what!?!?!?" screamed the President. "Why won't you suffer!?" he went into another room and grabbed a ceremonial sword, then proceeded to attempt to stab Yañez in the arm. The cloud deflected his blows. The six vodkas started to kick in again, and he collapsed to the ground. As he fell, he said, "You son of a bitch, tomorrow your arm is going down. Ass."

*Thump*

Kajeenith sent the president a nightmare. He was surrounded by millions of children, all of them laughing, singing and dancing, all of them as old as the ones he killed. Yet the president was singing and dancing and laughing and playing right along with the children in a non-vilent non-threatening manner, and he was enjoying it. The real twist was, it was the same children he had killed as they were a day before they died.

It even creeped Kajeenith out a little.

The President woke, screaming in horror. The screams could be heard precisely 9.9081 kilometres away. He rushed to the hospital due to severe damage to his voice box.

"The horror," he croaked.

"i said i want one more fucking keg of beer"said the Man as he punch out one of bar keeper's
"i just go get you one more"said the other

Swanner was discharged from the hospital ten days later.

Standing on top of Royale Tower, he summoned Vice President Yañez to meet him.

"Yes, Mr. President?" Yañez fearfully asked. Swanner twirled his Doomastick (the pointy, spiky, steel stick) in his hands.

"You know what? I'm angry. All I wanted was your hand to have a bullet in it. But no, you've got to be a supernatural bitch on me. You are fucking dead," Swanner shouted, stabbing Yañez in the kidneys with the Doomastick.

Yañez staggered backwards and fell off the top of the one hundred and twenty story building.

"Muhahahahahhahaahhahahahahaha!" laughed the President as Yañez slammed into the motorway below, breaking most of the bones in his body.

"Shit. He didn't die. Pity..." he sighed.

Jodie Smith woke up at nine to the sound of Metropolitan Police troops breaking into her home.

She screamed as black-clad constables with M16s and grenades entered her room, strip-searched her, and raped her. She almost passed out. Then the soldiers brought in her two children, a four year old boy and a eight year old girl.

"Please, dear Darwin! Don't kill my children!" she screeched. They ignored her, tasering them to within an inch of their lives, raping them, then blowing their brains out with shotguns.

The police then planted C4 on her kitchen wall and blew the wall to bits, then walked out. The door was wide open.

Jodie decided that, now without children, she could afford to go shopping, which she did for the rest of the day, until she was arrested for sedition, found innocent, and flung back into her home.

as the Man walks down the road half a city block up in flames

"tell me you have no more beer keg's left you get what you get"said the Man

OCC: I'm sorry, but this is a disgusting, retarded thread. Oh well. It is somewhat funny. Carry on,I guess...

May I RP the girlfriend now?


May I shoot the President?

Can I make her take over your nation?

Can I get her pregnant?

May I RP the girlfriend now?


May I shoot the President?

Can I make her take over your nation?

Can I get her pregnant?

OOC if she a hot babe no way,i get her just to stop me blown all the nation

May I RP the girlfriend now?


May I shoot the President?

Can I make her take over your nation?

Can I get her pregnant?

OOC: No. Mind you, you've been IGNORED

"So, there's this big thing in the media about this woman, Jodie Smith. Apparently, she was raped by the police, had her children raped by the police, who then killed the children, and then was arrested for sedition," reported one of the President's advisors.

"So? Kill the woman, and any newsreader that reports the story," ordered Swanner.

***

LBG News Television Broadcast

"And now for our top story of the night, a focus on the plight of Mrs. Jodie Smith. Dan."

"Thank you, Mark. Mrs. Smith was like any other Londinian citizen - hardworking and loyal. But yesterday, something terrib - oh my god!"

Twenty Prætorian Guards stormed into the studio, spraying the newsreaders with bullets. They then proceeded to rub their exposed genitalia on the cameras, which were still rolling live.



OOC: Skgorria, I'd like to see you try to beat my evil.

"i think have some fun with the President were ever he is the wall's will run with blood and when he eat's his food will rot on the plate and in his hamd's"said the Man as he click's his finger's

OOC: Skgorria, I'd like to see you try to beat my evil.

OOC: I can!

IC:

Hello, and welcome to Soviet News, this is Candy Suxx, today in our top-story, a British Londiniam suspected of espionage was tied down to a chair in a sound proof room and forced to listen to the Spice Girls and other Pop Groups, reports indicate he had a slow and I must say, painful death

OOC: Ouch. That was awesomely evil.

OOC: I can!

IC:

Hello, and welcome to Soviet News, this is Candy Suxx, today in our top-story, a British Londiniam suspected of espionage was tied down to a chair in a sound proof room and forced to listen to the Spice Girls and other Pop Groups, reports indicate he had a slow and I must say, painful death

OOC lot better if they go through it again and again, like i can make happen

At the Brydog Embassy

"I order a celebration of our national history" spoke Pederson.

In celebration, a 20ft Brydog flag flew on the flag pole they sang the Brydog National Anthem aloud.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword;
His truth is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on.

I have seen Him in the watch fires of a hundred circling camps
They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps;
I can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps;
His day is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! His day is marching on.

I have read a fiery Gospel writ in burnished rows of steel;
“As ye deal with My contemners, so with you My grace shall deal”;
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the serpent with His heel,
Since God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Since God is marching on.

He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment seat;
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet;
Our God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our God is marching on.

In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us live to make men free;
While God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! While God is marching on.

He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is wisdom to the mighty, He is honor to the brave;
So the world shall be His footstool, and the soul of wrong His slave,
Our God is marching on.
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our God is marching on.

Kajeenith grinned.

With a roll of Thunder he appeared next to President Swanner.

"I like you. I grant unto thee this day, a small measure of my power with which to commite even more vile repugnant acts of Evil. Let your imagination run wild.

Just remember, My powers will not work against me." Kajeenith said.

Then he disappeared.

President Swanner felt himself filled with the power of Destruction.

The Structural integrity of Kensington Palace was only slightly damaged due to Kajeenith's quick visit.

OOC: Skgorria, I'd like to see you try to beat my evil.

OOC: It's going to be hard BL, but I'll give it a shot. I was shooting babies before your nation was even born.

OOC lot better if they go through it again and again, like i can make happen

OOC: Well you are silly :p

Situation Office, Skgorria City

"WHAT?" exploded the Fuhrer, "portals and dark gods? How on earth are we supposed to counter that?" The messenger looked clearly afraid, and rightly so, for the Fuhrer simply pointed and a loyal SS man jumped from the shadows and then proceeded to skin the messenger alive. He then weaved a cloak from the messenger's skin and handed it to the Fuhrer.
"Ooo, just my size!" the Fuhrer exclaimed, wrapping it around his shoulders and promptly setting a new fashion. Now citizens of Skgorria would circle each other menacingly for months on end, brandishing knives and intending to make clothes out of each other.

High in geo-syn orbit above the Earth the Clandonian Spy Satelite network under the command of Skynet began its daily orbital fly over while it was daylight. Taking note of specific areas of interest after intercepted media reports of events happening within British Londinium.

Clandonian Embassy, British Londinium

'Sir we have reports from the secure line that Commander Lazrus needs urgent words with you. The line is ready.'

'Thankyou, Good evening Commander what can I be of service.'

'Good evening Ambasador, I don't suppose you know of the situation within British Londinium?'

'Some things have been seen, there have been several attacks against the media by government forces. I'm becoming worried, some rumours are flying around of mass killings.'

'It is all true, we began compileing a dosier on British Londinium a while back and we have presented the findings to our allies. You must not tell anyone a word but we are planning for a war, to take out the British Londinium government once and for all. I'm warning you now to prepare the evacuation of the embassy and all Clandonian nationals as soon as possible.'

'By your command Commander, I shall alert the embassy marines we will be begin evacuations this week. I will alert all Clandonian citizens to begin plans to leave on the airforce flights, I presume you will be sending support?'

'Indeed, I have sent communication for the airforce to dispatch four C-5 Galaxy aircraft and the CNS Black Sunday Super-Danskeran Attack submarine is off the cost.'

'Thankyou Commander for that news, I will tell my family.'

High in geo-syn orbit above the Earth the Clandonian Spy Satelite network under the command of Skynet began its daily orbital fly over while it was daylight. Taking note of specific areas of interest after intercepted media reports of events happening within British Londinium.

Clandonian Embassy, British Londinium

'Sir we have reports from the secure line that Commander Lazrus needs urgent words with you. The line is ready.'

'Thankyou, Good evening Commander what can I be of service.'

'Good evening Ambasador, I don't suppose you know of the situation within British Londinium?'

'Some things have been seen, there have been several attacks against the media by government forces. I'm becoming worried, some rumours are flying around of mass killings.'

'It is all true, we began compileing a dosier on British Londinium a while back and we have presented the findings to our allies. You must not tell anyone a word but we are planning for a war, to take out the British Londinium government once and for all. I'm warning you now to prepare the evacuation of the embassy and all Clandonian nationals as soon as possible.'

'By your command Commander, I shall alert the embassy marines we will be begin evacuations this week. I will alert all Clandonian citizens to begin plans to leave on the airforce flights, I presume you will be sending support?'

'Indeed, I have sent communication for the airforce to dispatch four C-5 Galaxy aircraft and the CNS Black Sunday Super-Danskeran Attack submarine is off the cost.'

'Thankyou Commander for that news, I will tell my family.'


OOC: You do know that this thread is just for fun and has no effect on 'real' NS? If you do, then wheeeee for war :p

"Damn it! The Skgorrians out eviled us again," whined the President. "Wait, I have bizarre, magical powers now. Fuck yeah!"

The President then made a small iguana appear in six million people's stomaches. Following that, he forced the entire nation to scream in agony as they felt the sensation of C4 exploding in the chest cavity over and over and over again.

"Muhahahahahahahhahahaha!" the President laughed.
"What are we going to do with these iguanas?" asked an advisor.
"Shut the fuck up, bitch!" shouted the President, who promptly created a time loop and vivisected the advisor. He'd have to endure for centuries.

OOC:I could bring out my most powerful creation that literally defines the concept of Godmod just to show how not serious we all are.:D
Meanwhile, I have something I need to accomplish.

IC: Kajeenith stood at the borders to Clandonia Prime.
He pointed inwards, towards the capitol. A great green gas sprang up. It wasn't Agent Orange, it was far more sinister than that, it wasn't poison, it was the previously onheard of NOOB-ROFL Gas attack, that caused eternal unending laughter. There was no known cure, except the sight of a Mime, who of course were immune to the substance for no legitimate reason.

OOC: That gelt good. Though I should quit beating around the bush, this was really just a Bump.