NationStates Jolt Archive

Official Release from the Government of British Londinium

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/db/Flag_of_Yorkshire.svg/600px-Flag_of_Yorkshire.svg.png


President James Batra declared war on the nation of Laquasa Isle today, deploying one hundred and seventy five thousand troops, eighteen attack groups, and fifteen squadrons of bombers with ten squadrons of fighters, as well as launching two thousand cruise missiles at Laquasa Isle.

Okay, I suppose you don't know what CLOSED means. Good god, I agreed to CLOSED when this freaking RP started! Make another of these threads and make it CLOSED.

"Terrorist attack"- my way of initiating the CLOSED war. I thought it would be more offensive to blow the thing up.

Okay, I suppose you don't know what CLOSED means. Good god, I agreed to CLOSED when this freaking RP started! Make another of these threads and make it CLOSED.

OOC: Who says this is connected to the other thread?

IC:

Official Diplomatic Telegram
To: British Londinium
From: Nova Brittanica
Subject: Laquasa Invasion
How can the Imperial Democratic Republic of Nova Brittanica help?

SIC:

Communiqué to Nova Brittanica

Your aid in conquering this terrorist nation is most appreciated.

I don't have to put up with an unprovoked invasion, that I haven't agreed to.


Okay BL, if you want to fight me you can have it closed like we agreed to.

SIC:

Communiqué to Nova Brittanica

Your aid in conquering this terrorist nation is most appreciated.

Official Diplomatic Telegram
To: British Londinium
From: Nova Brittanica
Re: Laquasa Invasion
How can we help? I assume that the land will be split between the conquerers, correct?

OOC: This is provoked by the sale of your island. We agreed to nothing regarding this particular war. Therefore, this thread can be open. QED.

No, the sale of the isle was part of the closed war. And how is that reason for war?

If you want an RP, you can make it closed.

Communiqué to Nova Brittanica

A puppet government will be instated, and no land will officially be transferred, but each conqueror will have de facto control over a certain percentage of land. To help, we require additional troops to invade Laquasa Isle, as well as air and naval support.

Communiqué to Nova Brittanica

A puppet government will be instated, and no land will officially be transferred, but each conqueror will have de facto control over a certain percentage of land. To help, we require additional troops to invade Laquasa Isle, as well as air and naval support.

OOC: Laquasa, maybe he wanted to steal all the money from the sale? Stop arguing and WAR already. You realize how many people want this war to be open? You're the only one who wants it closed. Besides, I've heard that it's fun to be occupied.

IC:
Official Diplomatic Telegram
To: British Londinium
From: Nova Brittanica
Subject: Troops
We will send them, and rendezvous (sp?) with you before continuing to Laquasa Isle. Hopefully, the Laquasans will be brutally killed. We've already developed plans to sell the men into slavery, the women sent into exile, and the children killed by Giant Venus Fly Trap.

OOC: Laquasa, a map of your nation is appreciated.

As if you could conquer me, BL.


I agreed to a closed war, which I began with the attack.


I don't have to put up with this invasion, unless of course it is only you and NB, which we agreed to.

OOC: For now it is only the two of us. No guarantees. And no OOC posts in this thread, use the other one.

As if you could conquer me, BL.


I agreed to a closed war, which I began with the attack.


I don't have to put up with this invasion, unless of course it is only you and NB, which we agreed to.

OOC: He wants your land and is conquering it. That's a legit reason to invade. This has nothing to do with the other thread. Get over it. This remains OPEN.

I agreed to closed.

I will ignore other posts here, and you can too except for my ally of choice.

High Command of British Londinium

"Response from Laquasa?"
"Negative, sir. They seem to be passive."
"Excellent. All the easier."
"Begin firing the two thousand cruise missiles at Laquasan political and military targets. Make sure three or four hit some elementary schools."
"Aye, aye."

The radar screens lit up with the signature of two thousand missiles.

That was OOC.

I am awaiting your acceptance that all other posts besides the four involved will be ignored.

I agreed to closed.

I will ignore other posts here, and you can too except for my ally of choice.

OOC: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT!!! Besides, no one would come to your aid that we couldn't beat.

NB, you are a little whimp compared to me (militarily). I spend several times more than you.

Waitin' for info.

Then I begin RPing.

NB, you are a little whimp compared to me (militarily). I spend several times more than you.

OOC: All future OOC in other thread. I'll respond to this one here though. That's flaming, and budget is irrelevant.

OOC: Guys, keep this out of this thread. This thread is for RP ONLY. And stop the budgetary penis-measuring.

I can't RP because I don't even know the how powerful these things are.

OOC: Cruise missiles? Imagine Tomahawk missiles, man.

"SIR! INCOMING!"

"WHAT?! HOW MANY, SEARGENT DAVIS?!"

"2,000!"

"FROM WHO?!"

"THOSE LONDINIAN ASSHOLES!"

"SAFENET SHOULD BE ON IT! I WANT 4,000 AGNI IIIs FIRED AT 'EM! AND I WANT DOOMSDAY READY TO LAUNCH! ALERT THE EMPEROR!"

SafeNet came online, and roughly 150 missiles made it to homeland. The Southern part of the city of Karia was destroyed, an estimated 15,000 dead.

OOC: As for the invasion stuff, I'll need to organize my armed forces. I'm too tired right now, it's almost midnight. I'm off to bed for tonight. I'll be back again tommorow. Bye you two!

OOC: I'm still waiting on that map. And what the fuck is Doomsday?"

Londinian High Command

"Incoming, sir."
"Numbers?"
"Four thousand cruise missiles, inbound towards northern island."
"Victoria is still online?"
"Yes, sir."
"Then she'll take care of those assholes. Launch three thousand EMP missiles. Rig them for detonation if they're hit by ABM fire."
"Aye, aye."

Eighty missiles penetrated the security network, killing two thousand children in Chelsea and destroying a government office in Kingston, killing five thousand civilians.

That bacteria stuff I engineered. I'll go dig it up.


Come on, my system is newer and more effecient than yours, and I launched more missiles, and they were newer, amd bigger. Please raise numbers!!!

OOC: Look, if my system has 98% efficiency, only 2% of enemy missiles will make it through. Therefore, eighty missiles. And no WMD, I already said that.

Back from a party, I find this. I'll post fleet size tommorow, but buzzed right now. Damn ambien.

IC:

"Emperor. Laquasa is being invaded."

"Prepare a large counter-invasion force. Apparently this Londinianamamumunumum place only has several thosand soldiers left in their homeland. Also prepare a fleet to be launched to aid Laquasa. All forces are to reside at Defcon 1. All missiles are to be readied for launch."

OOC: Only several thousand soldiers? I have two-thirds of my military there.

Which is still only 500,000 or so, right?


Now that my Emperor is in full control, we're very militaristic. 3% in military at all times. About 4 million, which I could raise easily.

OOC: Only without conscription. With your defence budget, and with three million soldiers, you're spending 67 dollars per soldier.

IC:

By Order of the President

Executive Order 325014 is now in effect. All able-bodied men ages 14-65 are to report to the nearest government office for conscription.

Which is still only 500,000 or so, right?


Now that my Emperor is in full control, we're very militaristic. 3% in military at all times. About 4 million, which I could raise easily.

OCC: I'll counter any attack on his homeland.

OOC: Only without conscription. With your defence budget, and with three million soldiers, you're spending 67 dollars per soldier.

IC:

By Order of the President

Executive Order 325014 is now in effect. All able-bodied men ages 14-65 are to report to the nearest government office for conscription.

Do you expect a granpa to fight very well? You'll get eaten alive!

"My people, we shall fight them in the beaches, in the forests, in the mountains. In the skies, in the cities. And We Shall See Victory!"

So, Emperor Vamirez completed a war speech with his people earlier today, to return to his office.


"Commander."

"Yes Emperor?"

"I do not wish to see that fleet in our waters. I want it gone. GONE."

"Excellent! I mean, oh man, those poor soldiers. What'll it be, M'lord?"

"4,000 Agni IIIs and other ballies straight at their fleet. I want them launched within 10 seconds after I hang up. Over."

Ten Seconds Later

[Jeopardy theme plays in warroom background]

4,000 ballistic missiles were sent streaming towards the Londinian fleet...

OOC: By the way, my fleet hasn't left port yet, and my troops are still safely in my bases. And I still have 600,530 well trained troops, and 343,000 members of the TA, so having a draft doesn't really mean I have less qualified troops.
IC:

"Missiles, inbound."
"Target?"
"Bexley."
"Victoria on?"
"Yes sir."

Another eighty missiles made it through the ABM net, killing one hundred and thirty civilians and sinking two dozen River-class patrol boats.

Ooops. Ignore that. More misinformation. I thought you'd left port.

Kensington Palace

"Fucking unbelievable. They aren't dead yet?" asked the President.
"Well, sir, we think it more wise to hold off on the actual invasion until their navy and air force is gone," replied the Minister for Defence.
"Well...GET THE FUCK ON IT!" shouted the President. He liked war, but he was very impatient.

Londinian High Command

"Orders from the President. We are to activate Project Icarus at once."
"The Tungsten Rod Satellites?"
"Yes, sir."
"Activate all twenty satellites."

Geostationary orbit over British Londinium

The satellites whirred to life, each firing three tungsten rods at a naval or air base in Laquasa Isle.

That's PMT. No orbital stuff.

OOC: This is fucking pointless. I never said this was an MT thread. I'm done with this war and you.

OOC: This is fucking pointless. I never said this was an MT thread. I'm done with this war and you.

OOC: Good, I advise everyone never to RP with Laquasa Isle again and we shall just assume his nation is now destroyed by our ub3r orbital I.G.N.O.R.E Canons.

OOC: Unfortunately, the army of Nova Aquaria is still invading. He wouln't be hard to kill though, as his army has enough for one pistol and some ammo for each man. And that's not counting training.

IC:

"Sir!" a general said to the Imperial President.

"What" replied Teddy Jefferson.

"Laquasa has been defeated! We didn't even have to send troops!" the general answered.

"Excellent! Send invations to all nations for a victory party! Oh, and any Laquasans, Nueve Acuaticans, or Nova Aquarians in the country are to be drafted for life." the Imperial President annonced.

Official Diplomatic Telegram
To: [Insert Nation Name Here]
From: Nova Brittanica
You, the [Insert Nation Title Here], are invited to a party in Nova Brittanica to celebrate the defeat of Laquasa Isle. All nations who send representatives to the party will have a say in how Laquasa Isle will be split up. Half of the country can go to a puppet government, the rest will be split up.

To Laquasa Isle

This tiny nation of 6 million inhabitants wishes to express its condolences for the loss of your country to the Britannican army. We would also like to express our incertainty of what will happen to Laquasan children, but we are offering an aid of 1,000,000 grettan for whatever the Laquasan Red Cross will find the need to use it.

Thomas K. Jerrie
Chief of Operations
The Helgrettan Red Cross

This post has never had anything to do with the Helgrettan government. Please do not wage war against us.

[Somebody just draw a map of Laquasa Isle, and we'll list it as an EVIL Slave State. We can even RP subduing it... but no way in hell do we RP with him anymore.]

To Laquasa Isle

This tiny nation of 6 million inhabitants wishes to express its condolences for the loss of your country to the Britannican army. We would also like to express our incertainty of what will happen to Laquasan children, but we are offering an aid of 1,000,000 grettan for whatever the Laquasan Red Cross will find the need to use it.

Thomas K. Jerrie
Chief of Operations
The Helgrettan Red Cross

This post has never had anything to do with the Helgrettan government. Please do not wage war against us.

OOC: Best to understand wars before getting involved in them. Laquasa has attacked BL in a terrorist style. Besides, at this point Laquasans are refugees, and the land was completly destroyed. I'd estimate only 3% of the Laquasans are still alive.

OOC: Best to understand wars before getting involved in them. Laquasa has attacked BL in a terrorist style. Besides, at this point Laquasans are refugees, and the land was completly destroyed. I'd estimate only 3% of the Laquasans are still alive.

OOC: them might I suggest you finish the job and wipe out the remaining 3%? I'll send over my extermination forces to do it for you if you want, I haven't had a good genocide for YEARS :p

OOC: Best to understand wars before getting involved in them. Laquasa has attacked BL in a terrorist style. Besides, at this point Laquasans are refugees, and the land was completly destroyed. I'd estimate only 3% of the Laquasans are still alive.

Then the 1 mil. grettan is for the use of the refugees, the 3% of what's left of the Laquasan poulation.

I am misinformed, beg pardon.

*Not long after that, Mr. Jerrie fired his personal aide and hired a new, able, and more informed helper. Couldn't go wrong after this.

OOC: Skgorria, go genocide them. :D

OOC: Skgorria, go genocide them. :D

OOC: British Londinium, I love you :D

IC:

"Fucking mess," remarked the Storm-Colonel as he kicked over a charred bicycle. The whole nation had been bombed and blasted and little was left standing above head-height. Any winds that blew were full of ash and carried the smell of death and decay.
"That's why we're here sir," remarked the dull Captain following the Colonel as he and a squad of SAU 209 troops wandered around a playground in an outlying village. They hadn't seen a single living thing in this village, and although a safe perimeter had now been established the Colonel felt rather worried that his division was here entirely by themselves.
"Well we'd better head back to the trucks," remarked the Colonel. "How go the messages?" The Colonel was referring to the standard SAD practice of broadcasting messages through all availible methods promising food, shelter, rescue, anything to draw survivors to their location.
"Radio, television, fake refugees are all being sent out," reported the Captain, "the gas chambers are almost ready as well so we can get to work as soon as they start to come in."
"Excellent," cackled the Colonel as he hoisted himself into the truck. The rest of his troops followed suit, and they drove off.

OOC: This is fucking pointless. I never said this was an MT thread. I'm done with this war and you.

This thing was a big fucking flop.

First off, I destroyed your tower to start a war- the closed one we agreed to.

I'm MT. I will ignore your "Royale Starfleet".


And since when have I been a pile of rubble?

And Skgorria, this closed. Go away, RPing with you sucks anyway. Your nationnal leadership is nuke-obcessed.

I suggest ignoring NB. He is a fucking manipulative godmod. The whole reason I attacked BL was to instigate the RP we planned.

So if you ignore me, that's your fucking problem.

OOC: Skgorria, go genocide them. :D

OOC: That's pretty evil.

IC:

To the Laquasan Red Cross / Refugees Management

We are seriously advising you to flee any remaining Laquasan ground to other parts of the world, possibly to some harmless, mute and insignifcant country (much like ourselves, but please don't come here).

Thomas K. Jerrie
Chief of Operations
Helgrettan Red Cross

And Skgorria, this closed.

Then why does it say "OPEN" in the thread title, and if it was closed then British Londinium wouldn't have let me come in.

But he did, so off we go.


Your nationnal leadership is nuke-obcessed.


Maybe so, but it has other wonderful obsessions such as:
- parades
- repression
- genocide
- one-sided warfare
- bullying smaller nations
- spelling correctly, my nation is full of SPAG Nazis :p


That's pretty evil.


You bet it is :D

IC:

The setting up of camps continued, and slowly refugees were beginning to trickle in. The old, sick and undesirables were gassed as quickly as possible, whilst the young and most attractive were put into Detention Cubes for transport back to Skgorria for medical experiments and other horrendous fates

OOC: Open, eh? Genocide, eh? Time to send in the Shock Division!

IC:

As the Antonov transports squealed to a halt on the makeshift runway constructed by para-dropped engineers, they began to disgorge their cargo - the Shock Division.

Newly raised from the elite of the Atopian youth movement, the Shock Division's task in the shattered ruins of Laquasa was simple: to aid in the Skgorrian extermination of the Laquatians...

IC:

The rest of the Laquasan refugees that is not in killed in the genocide sought haven in the benighted soils of The People's Republic of Evil Nannys but was quickly turned away. As they have become dispersed throughout the world and the aid offered by the generous Helgrettan people eventually finishes, they did nothing else but despair.

Within two hours of landing, the Shock Division (average age - 17) tanks and armoured personnel carriers were moving off, towards their rendezvous with the Skgorrian Special Action Unit 209.

The short journey took them through the pulverised ruins of the country, its forests turned to ash, its inhabitants lying sprawled, dead, across the fields.

"Looks like there's not much for us to do here," remarked General Ganz, blithely, to his ADC, "which is a shame. I was hoping we'd get some live firing in but it seems that air power has rendered our marksmanship somewhat superfluous, don't you think?"
"Yes sir," agreed Lieutenant Vitala, "but we can get some range shooting in when we form firing squads, surely?"
"Yes, that's true," sighed Ganz, "but it's not the same as combat, you know?"
"No, sir, it's not, but marksmanship on the range is important."
"You're right as usual, Lieutenant. Ah - we're coming up to 209 now I think. Driver - halt by this crossroads for a mapcheck!"

"Atopians are here sir," remarked a SAU 209 private, "bunch of bloody kids. Shock division my hind, the only shock they would give is when they run home to suckle from their mothers."
"At ease there," chuckled Lieutenant Beckenbauer, "they are our fraternal allies and you should show them respect. Come on troops, let's go make our presence known."
Groaning, the SAU 209 troops all stood up and moved over the Atopian convoy. There were only 9 Skgorrians, but these were the best that Skgorria had to offer. Lieutenant Beckenbauer moved up to General Ganz and saluted.
"General, it's been a while."

"Ah, Beckenbauer," grinned Ganz, "pleased to see you again. Been a while. Anyway, what joyous task of ultraviolence have you got planned for us?"

Shock Division Convoy One:

"Listen, Carla, I'm telling you we go right at this next junction!"
"And I'm telling you, sergeant, that we go left!"
"Ah! Fine, go left. It's wrong, but go left."

And so, with the inevitability of falling timber, the first brigade of the Shock Division turned left instead of right, and its T-80Ms began to swing west - towards the main force of the Skgorrian troops.

OOC: Real thread is up. So, it looks like I started another war between you two? I'll sit back and watch this.

"And you as well sir, hope the wife and children are doing well," the Atopian general was clearly respectable to warrant a "sir" from the SAU 209 man when Beckenbauer openly referred to the Storm-Colonel in charge of his division as '3 parts Yid and 1 part moron.'

Pointing over towards a large forest, Beckenbauer continued. "The rest of my platoon has got a couple o'hundred survivors under guard there. I had to give some of my rations to them to keep 'em quiet," he grimaced. "I thought we could beat them to pieces and shovel the bodies into an open pit. The standard drill really."

At the main force, a recon armoured car spotted a large column of T-80s heading straight towards them.
"Looks like Atopians, judging by the markings," remarked the commander in the turret. Get on the radio and tell them we're here."
"As ordered," reported the comms officer, who started trying to talk to the Atopian column and let them know a batallion of SAD was coming up the narrow road as well.

"Oh, they're fine, Beckenbauer, you know how it is, the little one's teething now. How's your lung? As for the prisoners, my aide-de-camp here had the brilliant idea earlier of using them for target practice. Any other bright ideas, Lieutenant?"
"Well, sir, we could use half for target practice and half for bayonet drill?"
"Superb, simply superb. What do you think, Beckenbauer?"

Convoy One:

"What? Shit! Halt, halt!"
"What do you mean, halt?"
"There's a SAD coming up the road towards us!"
"Bollocks!"

With a grinding of tracks, the T-80Ms slammed to a halt.

"Now what, lieutenant?"
"Well, for starters, we're tanks, yes?"
"Yes... oh god, this is going to be some half-arsed makeshift solution, isn't it..."
"No, now shut up. We'll go off-road and pass the Special Action units!"
"Fucksake... alright, off-road it is."

And, with a belching roar, the column started forwards again, rolling off-road and waving at the SAD vehicles as they approached.

"Lung's fine sir, medics said I was fitter than anything they had ever seen. Could've had something to do with the loaded Stg-88 I was carrying, but never mind. I like your Lieutenant's suggestion about drill, the men could always use a little drill. Can't get enough of it in Special Action Unit 209 can we eh ladies?" The mutterings and curses from the Skgorrians confirmed that there were just about a million other things that they would rather do than drill.
"Tell you what sir, I'll get my bunch to herd the prisoners over here and you get your boys formed up for some drill. Then we can have a good old fashioned body-burning afterwards." With a quick salute, Beckenbauer jogged off to the forest with his men close behind to fetch the prisoners.

Convoy One

The Storm-Colonel was bemused at the actions of the Atopian tanks.
"What in blazes are they doing?" he cursed, watching the Atopians wave at the Skgorrians, who were of course eager to wave back to their allies.

The prisoners, being crammed and kept in the cages on the back of the trucks, didn't seem so eager to wave.

"YEW heard the off'sah," screamed Staff Sergeant Lang, "now MOVE your filthy arses and FORM UP for BAYONET DRILL! ON THE DOUBLE, come ON girls, lef' righ' lef' righ' lef!"

On the other side of the HQ company's BMP-2s, Sergeant-Major Jacobson was doing his best to out-scream Lang: "By the RIGHT, QUICK MARCH, lif' ry' lif' ry' LIF! SWING those arms, SCUM! SHOULDER ARMS doesn't mean DROPPING THEM, Martins! KEEP IN STEP! LIF! RY! LIF!"

And from the safety of his staff car, Ganz smiled. His ADC was busily sorting out the paperwork, and his unit was doing remarkably well, all things considered...

Column One:

Up and down the column, waves turned to jeers and laughter as the tank crews spotted the huddled prisoners. Some threw empty bottles and ration boxes at the trucks' cargo, others took pot shots at them with their sidearms.

Beckenbauer returned with his platoon, herding the prisoners ahead of them. They were all tired and dishevelled, but would serve their purpose well.
"Oi Jacobson, Lang!" Beckenbauer called out, "our guests are here - take 'em off my hands so I can have a smoke will you?" Prodding the prisoners towards the Atopians, the SAU 209 men and women sat down and pulled out their cigarettes.
"Give us a good show!" jeered one of the SAU 209 troops, much to the laughter of her comrades.

Convoy One

Only a few prisoners were hit, but the panic intensified amongst the prisoners. They screamed and banged on the cages, demanding their freedom.
"Oh fuck this," cursed the Storm-Colonel, "I can't be arsed to deal with this racket. Just bloody shoot them, but keep some babies for Mengelson if we haven't already." SAD men and women clambered out of their APCs and trucks and opened the cages on the trucks, herding the prisoners out to the roadside before cutting them down in a hail of bullets. The convoy then pulled off, but only after the SAD soldiers had helped themselves to various personal belongings.

As the two detachments formed up into their seperate sections - marksmanship to the right, bayonet drill to the left - Lang and Jacobson (with the help of some more Shock Division troops) began herding the weeping, shambling, shocked prisoners to their deaths.

Row by row, group by group, the prisoners began to be shot and stabbed into their graves...

Column One:

Cheering as the prisoners were slaughtered, the tanks rumbled on, lost, into the heart of Laquasa...