NationStates Jolt Archive

OOC: This is a reboot of a previous thread of mine that seemed to vanish.

BBC World Service broadcast

Last night, the Royale Group declared theism illegal in British Londinium. Those found guilty of theism, it has been announced, are to be executed by giant blender.

In a speech before the public, CEO James Batra announced:

You know, theism is bad for business. I mean, nobody buys anything on religious days. That's why theism is going "ciao" in British Londinium.

Our nation finds death by giant blender a "cruel and unusual punishment". We demand these crazy punishments to stop or we shall send forces to stop the useless murders.

-Vice Mandalore X'Den.

The Royale Group has decided to alter the execution methods to a suitably kind form of execution.

Tell us what the form is. We wouldn't want you to change it to something even worse. We are also going to send a company of Maldorian peacekeeping forces if you insist on murdering helpless citizens of your own country.

-Vice Mandalore

The new execution method is death by lethal injection. The chemical creates a painless death.

Official Communique from Military Commander Blak:

Bizzarely enough, we find ourselves agreeing with the Maldorians. Fortunately, both for themselves, and for the 'Royale Group' there are no Aesonic citizens currently in British Londinium. As such, we at this point merely urge British Londinium and the 'Royale Group' to reconsider this foolish course of action. In addition, all Aesonic citizens are warned that their safety cannot be guarenteed if they choose to travel to British Londinium.

OOC: Let's not do this again. You siad in the other thread you bombed the RPA infrastructure out of existance.

OOC: Oh, yeah. Never mind the thread then. argh, i feel stupid.

Burnsian State Administration
Department of Foreign Affairs

(The following was written in barely legible scrawl, the ink appearing to be akin to chickens' blood)

Good on you, friends! If something detracts from sales of product, it always better to eliminate problem. Like great leader Stalin say, "No man, no problem." Ha ha ha!

(The following was written much more eloquently, with a fountain pen)

You idiots. You can't bolster sales by destroying people. For God's sakes, how can you expect to make consumers buy more products if they're dead? Think of something more sinister. Bribe church leaders to change the doctrines. Propeganda. Make a competing religion. I'd like to meet your James Batra and slap him upside the head for a terrible marketing move.

Sincerely,
Taliman Craig
Director, Burnsian State Administration
"World's Largest Manufacturer of Radioactive Plate Glass"

OOC: EDIT: Damn, too late.