NationStates Jolt Archive

International Press Release

I, Sir Roger Majors, demand a weapon to master, the most unusual and silliest weapon you can produce. I have tried them all, from a lady's purse pistol chambered for the .112 to the KF8 Prototype chambered for the massive 9 x 43 mm.

I've tested a prototype rifle that instead of a bayonet, used a super capacitor for a chainsaw battery and meant to cut apart enemies. That weapon was good for cutting up a deer on the field.

I've fired the world's most complex crossbow, using a specialized fin-stabilized round with EM assistance, which promptly detonates and pours shrapnel into its target. It fired 30 rpm and bored me within a week of mangled targets and animal carcasses.

I've fired a 60mm Gyrojet stabilized rifle and watched it annihilate a surplus T-54 I bought. The dummy in the cupola AA gun soared out and shattered into dozens of pieces as it hit the ground. I turned it into a bong after a few days.

I've used a 127mm Recoilless Rifle, and blown away a Plains Rock Deer and needed to reinforce my wall to mount the damn head. I gave it away to my local ski resort to help them clear avalanche prone areas.

I've driven a modern T-90 and blown up another surplus T-54 for an auto show. I sold it to a museum some time later, it bored me. I painted it pink.

I've bought an entire Iowa-class Battleship from a surplus dealer, for an extremely large sum of money, and destroyed an island which had recently formed from volcanic activity. Sadly the island sank below the ocean, and I was forced to sell the ship when Civil Defense asked why I had woken up the entire Southern Seaboard with my actions.

I've killed a man who was trying to steal my very valuable gun collection, with a Shaolin Space launcher of my own design. I was actually putting the finishing touches when he walked through the door with a Glock and pointed it at me while I finished staining the trigger. The authorities spent a fun time cleaning up that one.

And I have in my collection, a secret service deodorant stick laced with cyanide, and I used it once to scare my wife. She and I lacked the enzyme to activate it, much like Rasputin. Something I checked before I chased her around the house and got her with it. A wondrous time, maybe that is why she didn't sleep with me for a week.

I'll pay any reasonable price, for a weapon that certainly isn't reasonable. I want to see the strangest weapons money can buy, and I want them to be fun.

[END]

Within a day of this pronouncement TSK Dynamics, an independent weapon's designer posted their weapon the RPC M1B Chainsaw Launcher.

http://imagesocket.com/images/_tiar_when_pumping_zombies_full_of_bullets_losesaf8.jpg

A full 250 million USD was paid for the weapon, along with 40 rounds. A live broadcast of the weapon's testing on the field will be shown on international television in a year, after the designers have finished building it.

It is reported that Sir Roger Majors wants more.

OOC: So crazy weapons designers (looking at you Phoenix Militia and Hurtful Thoughts), come up with your best or worst, depends on how you look at it eh?

IC: New from the Department of Mental Hygiene Psychopharmalogical Weapons Division.

Infrasonic emitter. This emitter gives off a special low frequency sound wave on a specific frequency that gives you nausea and makes you poop. Watch as your enemies soldiers groan and fill their pants. It is a directed sound wave weapon. The sound is not in normal hearing range.

Lroonian Arms Presents (for your firing pleasure) the Flaming Monkey Trebuchet:

It consists of a trebuchet, which, after years of exhaustive (and often messy) testing, was balanced perfectly to propel our primate pals to their maximum potential. The monkey's used are all doused in a specially designed liquid, which, although extremely flammable, is not fatal to the simian until ignited, and has no unpleasant smell. As a matter of fact, it generally improves the odor of the monkey.

As the arm of the trebuchet rises, it passes a lit match, just close enough to ignite the monkey as it leaves the trebuchet. Thus, your target is faced with a screaming, squirming, scorching simian. To cause trouble inside of enemy walls, an option to leave the monkey alive, and a parachute to ensure his safe landing is included. In case you choose to take this route, all monkeys are carefully trained to bite, nibble, gouge, and steal from anybody not treated with a special scent modifier (also included for safe handling of monkeys).

This Trebuchet has a range of five hundred yards, and an accuracy of about a yard.

IC: New from the Department of Mental Hygiene Psychopharmalogical Weapons Division.

Infrasonic emitter. This emitter gives off a special low frequency sound wave on a specific frequency that gives you nausea and makes you poop. Watch as your enemies soldiers groan and fill their pants. It is a directed sound wave weapon. The sound is not in normal hearing range.

OOC: I thought there would be more creative things, sigh.

IC: Finally a home defense system, my webcam uesrs would enjoy. I'll give you $50 million US for it.

Lroonian Arms Presents (for your firing pleasure) the Flaming Monkey Trebuchet:

It consists of a trebuchet, which, after years of exhaustive (and often messy) testing, was balanced perfectly to propel our primate pals to their maximum potential. The monkey's used are all doused in a specially designed liquid, which, although extremely flammable, is not fatal to the simian until ignited, and has no unpleasant smell. As a matter of fact, it generally improves the odor of the monkey.

As the arm of the trebuchet rises, it passes a lit match, just close enough to ignite the monkey as it leaves the trebuchet. Thus, your target is faced with a screaming, squirming, scorching simian. To cause trouble inside of enemy walls, an option to leave the monkey alive, and a parachute to ensure his safe landing is included. In case you choose to take this route, all monkeys are carefully trained to bite, nibble, gouge, and steal from anybody not treated with a special scent modifier (also included for safe handling of monkeys).

This Trebuchet has a range of five hundred yards, and an accuracy of about a yard.

A pity, I already own a trebuchet, and disposed of my many grand pianos and extra gasoline this way.

Press Release

The Chainsaw Launcher performed beyond my wildest expectations. It actually worked, and managed to either demolish itself against a target, or slice through it at close range.

TSK Dynamics wing structure ensured it stayed level, and while the device needed a tripod to support, it was fun to use. The green smoke trail left an easy to find target.

I used it against a deer, but it scared them off with the loud noise. I finally tied one down and it plowed right through it. Perhaps I'll donate this one to loggers after a month. It is far too much fun for just a week of play.

{Included Clip Show of M1B in Action}

[END]

Bump.

Project S

The very latest from our crackpot team of scientist, Project S has been released to public discresion. We will also be selling the rights to this fine peice of equipment.

Project S is a rifle designed to fire half inch long hexagonal sticks, or shards, of glass. It is 1.5 feet long stock to barrel and weighs about 1.23 lbs. when fully loaded. It fires 100 RPM and is semi-automatic but can be easily adapted to fully automatic. It takes a 50 round 2 stack box clip and has 2 safety locks.

Project S

The very latest from our crackpot team of scientist, Project S has been released to public discresion. We will also be selling the rights to this fine peice of equipment.

Project S is a rifle designed to fire half inch long hexagonal sticks, or shards, of glass. It is 1.5 feet long stock to barrel and weighs about 1.23 lbs. when fully loaded. It fires 100 RPM and is semi-automatic but can be easily adapted to fully automatic. It takes a 50 round 2 stack box clip and has 2 safety locks.

I suppose I'll accept this weapon, I'll give you 5 million for it.

Keep the money. I don't really care for money, as long as my designs get recognised.

Drawn from The Census Taker's National Curiosity Archive: The Diaper Sniper

Originally developed by an overly-creative suburban terrorist cell with an unsurpassed drive to be unique in every way possible, this rifle-like weapon fires soiled adult undergarments at respectable ranges, considering the payload. The breech-loading item itself is roughly six feet in length from stock to muzzle, and weighs close to forty-five pounds. To fire this odd device, one must manually drop a propellant ring made of compressed black powder into the breech located above the trigger housing, then place one round in front of the propellant, close the breech to prevent the escape of propellant gas or odor, and take aim. The sighting arrangement consists of an attached laser pointer to act as an impact guide, as well as a set of crude iron sights patterned after US military sighting systems. Research has shown that familiarization and experience with the weapon is the best means of hitting a target, as we acquired this strange thing after a police raid before the cell could develop an effective scope.

When the trigger is pulled, the propellant ring ignites via a striking flint, sending a brimming 'Depends' downrage at roughly four-hundred and fifty miles an hour striking with great force. It was a devastating weapon against enemy personnel, which were usually neighborhood teenagers walking home from high school. As development continued, however, it became clear that simply flinging feces at people at high speeds wasn't going to accomplish their goals of world domination, the cell members began packing the already-packed diapers with a cinder block-sized brick of Composition 4 (C4) explosive and an impact detonator, then soaking the thing in lighter fluid. The result was a flaming projectile exiting the barrel, and exploding on impact, covering an area in burning sewage and destroying the target in the process.

After further post-confiscation testing, the weapon was found to be effective out to four hundred yards and decently accurate. It was also found that it could act as a mortar-type weapon out to ranges that surpassed our testing facilities. The testing itself cost the Archives around twelve janitorial personnel, so testing ceased after a few days. Projectiles confiscated came in four types: Baby Green, Corn Crunch, Standard Brown, and Montezuma's Revenge. Additional projectiles are surprisingly simple to make, but since this curious item has been driving workers out of the national archives for the past two months, we will be donating it with all fifty-five rounds of ammunition, as well as a few boxes of latex gloves and a pair of nose plugs, since the condition of the projectiles has degraded somewhat since our aquisition of the device.

We here at the National Curiosity Archives hope you enjoy our little gift as much as we enjoy not having to keep it around.

~snip~

I suppose it'll go well with the brown noise generator as part of the security system.

The Pudite Military Surplus Distribution Division, with the assistance of a foreign advisor to remain anonymous, have developed a most wondrous weapons system.

We've chosen to call our selected design the;

GNG-A1-C Special Purpose Assault Munitions(SPAM) Track
-image- (http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/4847/111ahu0.jpg)

GNG-A1-C SPAM-Track Specifications
Length: 384 inches
Width: 124 inches
Height: 127.4 inches
Ground Clearance: 18 inches
Ground Pressure: 113.53 psi
Combat Weight: 63,600 lbs

Armament: 1x 52 caliber 155mm main gun, 1x 12.5mm machine gun
Cannon Range: 500m effective range
Projectile Loading: Semi-automatic
Ammunition Capacity: 44 complete rounds
Response Time: <50 seconds
Sustained Rate of Fire: 1 round/3 minutes
Maximum Rate of Fire: 3 rounds/15 seconds; 8 rounds/minute

Optics: night vision compatible
NBC Protection: individual crew protection with heating and cooling
Fire Control: automatic fire control with optical backup
Navigation: inertial positioning navigation system integral with AFCS

Hydraulic: segregated hydraulics system
Speed: 42 mph
Vehicle Range: 445 miles
Engine: Dominion Export, 2 cycle diesel, 440 horsepower
Transmission: 4 forward, 2 reverse
Suspension: torsion bar high strength with high capacity shock absorbers
Electrical Power: 650 amps, 24 v DC




The SPAM-Track is a cannon artillery system developed by the Ground Division of the Pudite Military Surplus Developmental Division and being manufactured by the government of two separate countries, including the Dominion itself, to market for the demands of Sir Roger Majors. The SPAM-Track has never seen active combat, and the prototype of the weapon is even now being shipped to its first testing grounds. As of yet, there are only a half-dozen copies produced, although at least forty-eight more are in development.

The SPAM-Track is operated by a crew of five, a commander, driver, gunner, auxiliary gunner, and loader. The vehicle is able to operate independently with no external technical assistance. The crew will be able to receive mission data via a secure voice communications system with other units in the field, compute the firing data, aim the main cannon and fire, and move to a location without external assistance. The SPAM-Track fires the first round from the move in less than 60 seconds. The "shoot and scoot" capability protects the crew from counter battery fire.

TANK ARMAMENT
The 39 calibre 155mm smoothbore cannon which is fitted with fixed gun mount, has an effective range of 500m before the unique ammunition will utterly lose control of itself and fall to the earth, no doubt continuing the chaos there... The projectile loading can be carried out using the full stroke hydraulic system. The SPAM-Track achieves a maximum firing rate of up to 8 rounds per minute or 3 rounds per 15 seconds, and a sustained firing rate of 1 round per three minutes. The gun is operated with an automatic fire control system with ballistic computer, fitted with an optical backup.

The vehicle's inertial positioning and navigation system is integrated with the automatic fire control system.

A 12.7mm M2 machine gun is mounted on the right hand side of the turret, which is operable by the Commander and the Auxiliary Gunner.

UNIQUE AMMUNITION
The SPAM-Track utilizes an ammunition never even dreamt of in any serious military fashion, not even by the Dominion's own scientists, we were forced to import foreign minds we knew to be working on a project that would be of interest to this contractor.

Utilizing a 52 caliber, 155mm gun, which fires a round referred to within the Dominion as the SPAMCRO shell. It consist of a single thin, steel jacket, in which is contained the propulsion for the round is contained. It is a very standard round, in this respect, and the specifications for this will be well-understood by foreign officials. Now, the rest of the round, the "bullet" of this "cartridge" is a pair of hardened, very solid, albeit light, foam cast. This cast contains the deadly round itself.

When the SPAMCRO shell is fired, after progressing rather quickly through its first few meters of flight, the metal jacket will disintegrate, without the smooth barrel interior keeping the round together against the great pressure of firing. Now, after this jacket shreds the two hard-foam casts, shaped in the form of a normal artillery round, will fall away from the real projectile...

This projectile is presented here, for review. (http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/6537/a1roundke2.jpg)

SELF-PROTECTION
The crew remains in the vehicle throughout the mission. Protection against nuclear, chemical and biological warfare is installed with individual crew protection systems with temperature controlled (hot and cold) air. The turret is fitted with Kevlar spall suppression lining for additional ballistic protection.

The installation of a double armour floor gives the crew additional protection against mines. The running gear is protected against HEAT missiles by heavy sideskirts.

A smoke screen can be laid by a fuel injection system in the engine's exhaust. A fire detection and suppression system improves the level of survivability.

HOWITZER COMMUNICATIONS
The SPAM-Track is equipped with a secure voice and digital communications suite including the DSRCCNE single channel ground and airborne radio subsystem.

VEHICLE PROPULSION
The SPAM-Track vehicle is powered by a 2 cycle diesel, 440 horsepower, Dominion Export engine, and a Dominion Export transmission equipped with four forward and two reverse gears. The suspension system is based on high strength torsion bars with high capacity shock absorbers. The vehicle has a range of 445 miles with a maximum speed of 42 miles per hour.

The electrical power supply is rated at 650 amps, 24V DC.

~snip~

Marvelous, now I can cut trees from a kilometre away. Beautiful, $20 million for the prototype. I'll return it if you want it.

Within a day of this pronouncement TSK Dynamics, an independent weapon's designer posted their weapon the RPC M1B Chainsaw Launcher.

http://imagesocket.com/images/_tiar_when_pumping_zombies_full_of_bullets_losesaf8.jpg

A full 250 million USD was paid for the weapon, along with 40 rounds. A live broadcast of the weapon's testing on the field will be shown on international television in a year, after the designers have finished building it.

It is reported that Sir Roger Majors wants more.

OOC: So crazy weapons designers (looking at you Phoenix Militia and Hurtful Thoughts), come up with your best or worst, depends on how you look at it eh?

I doubt I can top that, but I'll submit a few of my stock weapons.

An Underbarrel rocket/grenade launcher, that fires 155 mm rockets... Developing one rated for 203 mm shells already just for the contest... Scratch that, rocket propelled chainaws...

A 'conventional' diesel powered stealth strike plane, capable of hovering...

A 'toy' UAV that is man portable and can drop 3 anti-tank grenades.

A 20 Kg thermobaric 'hand grenade'.

A full power rifle that has a 200 rond clip, and fires fully automaticly, barrel length can be doubled by screwing on additional barrels. Range is increased by using special 'K' bullets. It wieghs 9 pounds empty, 12 when loaded.

12" 'punt gun'. Good for clearing armored ambushes, or quail... I guess I could shoot chainsaws from it.

The dreaded leaflets that killed 100 Pudites...

Electo-thrower, combines the usefullness of a taser with the range of a flamethrower...
(Reach out a 'touch' someone at 75 meters)
And should giving them a jolt fail;, just light the stream on fire and watch them run.

36" self propelled Mortar, capable of high road speeds exceeding 40 MPH

And the killer joke, in English or German.

I doubt I can top that, but I'll submit a few of my stock weapons.

An Underbarrel rocket/grenade launcher, that fires 155 mm rockets... Developing one rated for 203 mm shells already just for the contest... Scratch that, rocket propelled chainaws...

A 'conventional' diesel powered stealth strike plane, capable of hovering...

A 'toy' UAV that is man portable and can drop 3 anti-tank grenades.

A 20 Kg thermobaric 'hand grenade'.

A full power rifle that has a 200 rond clip, and fires fully automaticly, barrel length can be doubled by screwing on additional barrels. Range is increased by using special 'K' bullets. It wieghs 9 pounds empty, 12 when loaded.

12" 'punt gun'. Good for clearing armored ambushes, or quail... I guess I could shoot chainsaws from it.

The dreaded leaflets that killed 100 Pudites...

Electo-thrower, combines the usefullness of a taser with the range of a flamethrower...
(Reach out a 'touch' someone at 75 meters)
And should giving them a jolt fail;, just light the stream on fire and watch them run.

36" self propelled Mortar, capable of high road speeds exceeding 40 MPH

And the killer joke, in English or German.

Lets see them, its like WWI, but more hilarious.

So friggin' awesome!

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/integer.jpg

[:: Official Integerian Government Communications Relay ::]

[:: Body ::]
I, William Marx the president of Integer. Nominate this for most fucking amazing weapon ever created award. Which will presented to you in two days. The prize being a big shiny gold trophy and a chocolate chip cookie.

[Attached Files - None]

Mirage Heavy Industries of Oslea has concocted these weapons for your benefit:

The MWX-7-85/4-FS, or Firestorm for short.

In storage the Firestorm is pointed upwards, and when you require use of them a power system may be utilized to point them forward. The Firestorm consists of 4 RPG launchers on a backpack, and its weight is 30kg loaded. We're not sure if a person can carry that much, but hey, we haven't tested it yet. When fired, 4 85mm grenades are fired towards the target simultaneously, creating havoc for sure.

The MWG-CAML, (Christina Aguilera Music Launcher), or Camel for short.

The Camel annoys the heck out of your enemies. The launcher fires a durable boombox playing the most annoying/bad songs of all time (We just picked Christina Aguilera cause we think she sucks) and the enemy may either listen to it all day, shoot the boombox (probably won't work, since the thing's bulletproof), blow the thing up (probably won't work either, and its a waste of a hand grenade), or turn it off. Wait, what's that you say? Turn it off? Well, yes, turn it off! The catch is that when you press the off button, the plastic explosives within the boombox detonate, blowing your annoyed enemies to smithereens! Well, that or listen to her music, which is just as bad.

Lets see them, its like WWI, but more hilarious.

The punt gun, 20 Kg Thermobaric hand grenade, and leaflets (it is assumed we used joke warfare on the Pudites) saw action in Chitzeland.

The FMX-6B (hovering diesel stealth) saw extensive use during the PROHT Air show, and again, in Chitzeland.

The HM-320 underbarrel gun, CM-26 (not to be confused with the PRA M-26), have been used somewhat in modern incedents.

The MMP-1, well, lets just say it has been well used...

The 36" mortar (also capable of firing chainsaws with double barreled shotguns as sabots) and electro/flame-thrower have yet to be used operationally.

And I shall neither confirm nor deny the use of the CCZ-75 in any assasination attempt.
---------

What if they throw the Camel at you? Or worse still, bludgeon you to death to the beat of Christina's music...

Mirage Heavy Industries of Oslea has concocted these weapons for your benefit:

The MWX-7-85/4-FS, or Firestorm for short.

In storage the Firestorm is pointed upwards, and when you require use of them a power system may be utilized to point them forward. The Firestorm consists of 4 RPG launchers on a backpack, and its weight is 30kg loaded. We're not sure if a person can carry that much, but hey, we haven't tested it yet. When fired, 4 85mm grenades are fired towards the target simultaneously, creating havoc for sure.

The MWG-CAML, (Christina Aguilera Music Launcher), or Camel for short.

The Camel annoys the heck out of your enemies. The launcher fires a durable boombox playing the most annoying/bad songs of all time (We just picked Christina Aguilera cause we think she sucks) and the enemy may either listen to it all day, shoot the boombox (probably won't work, since the thing's bulletproof), blow the thing up (probably won't work either, and its a waste of a hand grenade), or turn it off. Wait, what's that you say? Turn it off? Well, yes, turn it off! The catch is that when you press the off button, the plastic explosives within the boombox detonate, blowing your annoyed eneimes to smithereens! Well, that or listen to her music, which is just as bad.

Ah, beautiful. Is there an option for me to change music?

The punt gun, 20 Kg Thermobaric hand grenade, and leaflets (it is assumed we used joke warfare on the Pudites) saw action in Chitzeland.

The FMX-6B (hovering diesel stealth) saw extensive use during the PROHT Air show, and again, in Chitzeland.

The HM-320 underbarrel gun, CM-26 (not to be confused with the PRA M-26), have been used somewhat in modern incedents.

The MMP-1, well, lets just say it has been well used...

The 36" mortar and electro/flame-thrower have yet to be used operationally.

What was the MMP-1?

Ah, beautiful. Is there an option for me to change music?


Yes, of course. All you need is the Mp3 file of the music you want to upload onto the launchable boombox and find the USB ports at the back of the boombox. There are two, and input port and and output port. If you're downloading from a computer, use the output, and from an MP3 player, use the input. The USB ports don't need to be covered by armor since if they're shot off they won't affect the unit's ability to play music. They're a small target anyway, and explosions won't really reach the core of the unit, (due to the armor) which is the place where all the important components are at. However, they still are covered by plating secured with screws, so you may want to unscrew the plating off first with a screwdriver.

Well, that, or you could just request for a custom set of songs before delivery.

Ooc: I'm not good with computer jargon so I just said input and output, I don't even know if that's right.

Yes, of course. All you need is the Mp3 file of the music you want to upload onto the launchable boombox and find the USB ports at the back of the boombox. There are two, and input port and and output port. If you're downloading from a computer, use the output, and from an MP3 player, use the input. The USB ports don't need to be covered by armor since if they're shot off they won't affect the unit's ability to play music. They're a small target anyway, and explosions won't really reach the core of the unit, (due to the armor) which is the place where all the important components are at. However, they still are covered by plating secured with screws, so you may want to unscrew the plating off first with a screwdriver.

Well, that, or you could just request for a custom set of songs before delivery.

Ooc: I'm not good with computer jargon so I just said input and output, I don't even know if that's right.

USB works both ways but you will rarely see a USB speaker. They use the speaker output port. So I'll pretend you said that. Lets give it 512 mb of internal memory and set it loose!

What if they throw the Camel at you? Or worse still, bludgeon you to death to the beat of Christina's music...

Mirage Heavy Industries Official Reply

I'd imagine the Camel's boombox would be too heavy to throw a reasonable distance, but if you can pull it off, then good for you. (A double whammy! Bad music, and a wallop on the forehead!) That thing's estimated to be 2kg. Not exactly something you want to throw a long distance. That's probably gonna go 10 meters tops.
Or if you're just talking about the launcher, that thing's just a tube, it can't really do anything. Except fire deadly boxes of deadly music.

TIP: For extra fun with the Camel, fire it into an enemy's sleeping quarters! Hear their cries of disgust, and then a big explosion!

Paul Friesen
Mirage Heavy Industries

Ah, beautiful. Is there an option for me to change music?

What was the MMP-1?

The MMP-1 (Motorized Model Plane Mk I) is a small, $1,000 UAV, and has seen extensive use in my 'black-ops' simply because they are small discreat, and capable little things.

No, it is not big enough to carry a chainsaw... Though fitting it with a full auto pistol would be... interesting....
(Strafes a camel)

Wieghs 10 pounds empty, and 15 pounds loaded...
So you could give it 4 pounds of munitions, you just won't have as much fuel...
(takes CCZ-75, snail drum 'Beta-C' magazine [100 9 mm rounds (1:3tracer mix)], and 1 pound of grenades...)

--------
And 2 Kg is the perfect weight for someone to pick up and bludgeon with...
It gets worse if your intel is wrong and they enjoy it...

I can offer you our latest bomb, the Baby Kangaroo al spiedo F-5

Things are like this, the bomb, after being dropped, bounces a number of times, creating craters which get filled with White-Hot Jelly, in one final explosion, the bomb releases tons of broken glass shards, thus killing, maiming and blinding enemies. The now blind enemies, in pain, and confused (because the bomb also has a built in system which plays HEAVY METAL during all this, thus also deafening enemy troops) fall into the pits of jelly and burn to death.

Marvelous, now I can cut trees from a kilometre away. Beautiful, $20 million for the prototype. I'll return it if you want it.

To: Sir Roger Majors
From: Mr. White, foreign affairs officer

We are prepared to offer this prototype to you for the stated price of $20,000,000 Universal Standard Dollars. The prototype is already on its way, and should arrive, via helicotper, in your estate before two days are up.

We thank you for the interest in our newest weapon. Thank you for your business.

Good day,
Mr. White

I can offer you our latest bomb, the Baby Kangaroo al spiedo F-5

Things are like this, the bomb, after being dropped, bounces a number of times, creating craters which get filled with White-Hot Jelly, in one final explosion, the bomb releases tons of broken glass shards, thus killing, maiming and blinding enemies. The now blind enemies, in pain, and confused (because the bomb also has a built in system which plays HEAVY METAL during all this, thus also deafening enemy troops) fall into the pits of jelly and burn to death.

Too complex, forget this. There is no sport purpose in this thing. Its just a Charlie Foxtrot of a weapon.

Too complex, forget this. There is no sport purpose in this thing. Its just a Charlie Foxtrot of a weapon.

Aww c'mon, allow me to have some fun =p

Plus, I took this from a comic, I didnt make it myself, just wanted to see someone actually RP it :D

http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/3686/theislandofrosevp2.gif
A Quite Important Statement


The Island has been in silence for quite a long time, of course it has always been in silence recently. So silent that most people think that it has collapsed either due to war or a bad economy or who knows what, but it lives. And it lives gloriously. But today it would be known, the Island is nothing to mess with... and it is also the best. But why? This.

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/business2/business2_archive/2006/04/01/8372813/hello_kitty_robot.03.jpg

The D.O.O.M. Kitty

Direct Objective Owning Munition Kitty, the ultimate in ultimateness it is a project that has been under the command of the Department of Defence for over twenty years. Starting as a mad LSD induced dream it evolved into something more tangible, something real, something that is OMG isn't it cute?

But what it can it do ye say?

Quite frankly it can do alot. But first let's start with the basics.

Standing at a very tall height that I haven't decided yet, it is surely one of the tallest things in the world. It operates using a highly advanced robotic AI called (INSERT WIT HERE). It functions using millions of wires and processors and... a hamster. Indeed it is the pinnacle of advanced Rosian technology and your mother (burn).

It also has special features.

Number one it can function as a giant iPod... of doom. Think of it as an iDoom, rock out to Journey while YOU OBLITERATE YOUR ENEMIES AND CAPTURE THEIR SOULS. Though I recommend you use the tune "Mr. Roboto" as your theme song of world domination. Also if you're lacking a band member the D.O.O.M. Kitty can pick up an instrument. Do you want Rick Wakeman on your team? Done. Jack Bruce on the bass guitar? Done. Neil Peart on drums? Sure! Granted it's obsenely huge but I'm sure you can pull a Black Sabbath and Stonehenge it. (Let's see if you can get that reference noobs!)

You can also do... things to it.

But I'm sure you care about only one thing, the weapons! And I assure you there's plenty of them.

For those who are of the old school sort its eyes function as FRICKIN' LASER BEAMS OF AWESOMENESS. Not only that you can customize the colours! We of course prefer Rosian Red since well... we're Rosian. It also has thousands of missiles programmable to nuclear if you prefer A GRAND SLAUGHTER OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. Or you can set it to normal if you actually want to capture the city.... but that's not really fun.

But it can also function as a carrier! Yes, a giant walking kitty carrier... OF DOOM. That's right, do you want soldiers? Tanks? Yep. But its true capacity is of that of a jet carrier, that's right load up your favourite robot (of doom) with mult role jet fighters.

But where do they deploy from?

From the patented ANUS HANGER (OF DOOM).

Yes, watch as the fighters are pooped out and do GLORIOUS CONQUESTS (OF THE HIGHEST ORDER... OF DOOM), indeed, this titan of a machine is quite monsterous (and hygenic).

Oh and its tail is a lightsaber (of doom), but that's not very important.

Its most dangerous weapon is quite unconventional, a sonic blast. Using high pitched screeches it can cause headaches at least and destroy entire cities at most. It has three settings: Bruce Dickenson for headache, Robert Plant for AH LE PAIN, and Geddy Lee We're screwed. Yes! Watch as these classic rock veterans screech your way into VICTORY and other sorts of things!

But how much did this giant beast of a robot cost you say, and how could you afford one? One it costed... we don't know yet and quite frankly we don't want to know, and two... you can't! BECAUSE WE MADE ONLY ONE, BWA HA HA HA HA HA. LONG LIVE THE ROSE!

Though we're willing to take contracts.

Yours in Peace,

General I. Vantahoe
Department of Defense
Head of the D.O.O.M. Project

((Okay, I ressurected The Island of Rose for this thread but since for some strange reason I can't post with it, i.e. I've yet to get email confirmation, my FT puppet posting as TIOR will have to do, sorry =/ I hope you enjoy it >_>))

Oh lord, these people are boring me. At least the Pudites tried. Time to cut down that annoying tree the city refuses to cut down. It blocks my view of the Bronze statue of me killing Osama Bin Ladin.

FIRE!

The bouncing betty home non-lethal mine munition. Do you have trouble with teenagers, dogs, and annoying neighbors approaching your property. Is your neighbors cat peeing in your flower beds. The bouncing betty non-lethal munition will guarantee that they never want to approach your property again. The munition consists of a spring loaded land mine that jumps three feet in the air. It explodes like a flash grenade releasing a mix of permanent die paintballs, itching powder, and rock salt driving your pesky neighbors away.

The bouncing betty home non-lethal mine munition. Do you have trouble with teenagers, dogs, and annoying neighbors approaching your property. Is your neighbors cat peeing in your flower beds. The bouncing betty non-lethal munition will guarantee that they never want to approach your property again. The munition consists of a spring loaded land mine that jumps three feet in the air. It explodes like a flash grenade releasing a mix of permanent die paintballs, itching powder, and rock salt driving your pesky neighbors away.

I have enough upgrades to my significant security system, but this could help secure the sides of my property. I've had a problem with poachers, and the local police can't tell the difference between people who come into my property and just normal hikers in the nearby park.

I'll take 5,000, how about $1,000 US each for a total of 5 million USD?

For a moment, the cat-o-doom had me worried, and I guess Leaf didn't like the light chainsaw cannon that fits under your double barreled pump shotgun...

The punt gun, 20 Kg Thermobaric hand grenade, and leaflets (it is assumed we used joke warfare on the Pudites) saw action in Chitzeland.

The FMX-6B (hovering diesel stealth) saw extensive use during the PROHT Air show, and again, in Chitzeland.

The HM-320 underbarrel gun, CM-26 (not to be confused with the PRA M-26), have been used somewhat in modern incedents.

The MMP-1, well, lets just say it has been well used...

The 36" mortar (also capable of firing chainsaws with double barreled shotguns as sabots) and electro/flame-thrower have yet to be used operationally.

And I shall neither confirm nor deny the use of the CCZ-75 in any assasination attempt.
---------

What if they throw the Camel at you? Or worse still, bludgeon you to death to the beat of Christina's music...

OOC: Can we request more details on everything, like stats?

Snip

OOC:LMAO! you finnaly finished it.

OOC: Can we request more details on everything, like stats?

Evil...

CM-26 (http://images.military.com/pics/SoldierTech_Shrike-2.jpg)
Type: Squad Automatic Weapon
Caliber: 6.5 x 55 mm
Barrel Length: 20"/508 mm
Overall Length: 30"/762 mm
Magazine:100 round belt or 30 round detachable box
Wieght: 8 lbs empty, 12 lbs /w/ 100 round belt fitted
ROF: clocked at 600 RPM
Action: Gas operated, closed rotating bolt

FMX-6B: The "Chopper"
Tank Killing CAS
Physical Characteristics:
Length: 40 ft
Span: 30 ft
Empty Weight: 12,000 lbs
Max takeoff weight: 24,000 lbs
Fuel: 200 gal
Structure: Composite sandwich panels and monocoque tube bracing
Control: FBW with 2 Wire and Pulley control redundancies
Avionics: IR Radios, UH to LFDF (radar warning/direction finder) GPS/inertial Nav.
Flight display: Analogue (dials) and HUD
Engine: Turboprop (1,000 hp)
Performance:
Maximum Speed: 350 mph
Cruise Speed: 180 mph (max range)
Loitering speed: 90 mph (max endurance)
Take off speed: 60 mph (landing gear limits angle of attack)
Min. Speed: 30 mph (at very high angles of attack)
Range: (200 gal) 1500 miles (600 gal) 6,000 miles (1000 gal) 10,000 miles (1400 gal) 15,000 miles
Rate of Climb: 1200 ft/min
Ceiling: 25,000 ft
Minimum Runway: 1000 ft
Load:
Internal:Two 1 ton hardpoints may carry a 400-gallon ferry tank each
External:
Two 1 ton pylons on inside of wing, may carry a 200-gallon drop tank each
Two ½ ton pylons on outside of wing
A pair of ¼ ton wingtip pylons
Guns: 2 CC-35B revolver cannons (35 mm)

CZ-75 Automatic (http://world.guns.ru/handguns/hg51-e.htm)
Fully automatic Pistol
Chamber: 9x19 Luger/Para, 6.5 x 25 mm
Weight: 1000 g
Length: 206 mm
Barrel length: 120 mm
ROF: 1,000 rpm
Flush Magazine Capacity:16 9mm rounds, PROHT makes 20 rd magazines.
This discontinued czech design was picked up, dusted off, and put into full production.
Cost:$50
Optional 120 mm/5" barrel extension and clip on buttstock
makes a nice cheap carbine, good out to 200 meters in this fashion

12" cannon:
Standard shells:
Shells:
RAP-ER-S Rocket Assisted Projectile ER Small (1)
RAP-ER-L " " " " Large (125) 80% max range
RAP-ER-X Full caliber Rocket assisted ER shell (12345) 50%
RAP-DS-S " " " Discarding Sabot Small (1234) 80%
RAP-DS-L " " " Discarding Sabot Large (12345) 50%
RAP (12345)
Conventional (12345)

Warheads
1>AP
2>APHE
3>HESH
4>HE
5>Munition Carrier (mines/bomblets)

CR-12ER
12" Railroad gun
(PROHT refuses to define what ER means, assumed to mean 'Extended Range)
Emplacent time:2 hrs
ROF: 60 Rounds per hour 120 RPH burst
Range:
100 lb RAP-ER-S 160 miles
600 lb Conventional 16 miles
Price: $500 million
(Note: fired an APDS round and it skipped for 100 miles, crashing into the rear end of another artillery battery, the tanks that were in the way simply ceased to exist)

The 20 Kg thermobaric hand grenade is simply layed on the ground, and given a god kick to roll it in the direction of the enemy, perfect for urban warfare...
Especially if you manage to send one through a door, does damage even when thrown down a flight of stairs...

HM-320
Underbarrel grenade launcher/man-portable mortar

Fires 40 x 46 mm grenades, rifle grenades, and some rockets with oversize warheads up to 155 mm*

Comes with 5 pound baseplate for use as short range heavy mortar

*WARNING* This weapon has issues with recoil when firing anything bigger than a 60 mm rifle grenade. You have been warned.

FIREARM INSTRUCTION MANUAL
HURTIAN HM-320 ROCKET/GRENADE LAUNCHER

Overview:
The HM-320 is a radical new concept of underbarrel weaponry, combining the portability of an underbarrel launcher, and the lethality of a Meduim Anti-tank Rocket Launcher.

The HM-320, however, has inherent dissadvantages/advantages compared to conventional rocket launchers and grenade launchers.

The gun has no backblast, and is therefore safe to fire from very confined areas.
This gun has a very noticeable recoil, and should be taken into consideration whenever handling this weapon. Whether it is loaded or not.
Accuracy and range are limited. And considerably less than that of purpose built specialty man-portable anti-tank weapons, but on par with most disposable LAWs and UGLs.


Design:
The HM-320 is a heavy smoothbore 40 mm weapon, with projectile locking lugs (PLL[discussed later]) in the chamber, this also serves as the extractor for spent cartridges.

The HM-320 has its own sight system offset to the left or right side, and allows for the gun to be sighted in on one gun, removed, and then placed on another without requiring another sighting in seession.

The HM-320 has a quick-detach mechanism, but due to the masive recoil it must handle, involse two locking levers, but this can still be removed with one hand, in one solid motion by pressing the two lug mounts together and pushing the assembly forward.

The barrel swings to either side for loading of long 40 mm grenades, and ejecting casings from oversized grenades. The barrel is secured in the fire position by a switch operated by the thumb behind the pistol grip of he launcher. This button must be pressed to open the action.

There is a mortar baseplate attacment point just above the thumb switch

To load and fire a 40 mm grenade:

Open chamber by pressing thumb switch and then pushing barrel to side with index finger.
Insert grenade intyo breech
Close action, no buttons need to be pressed to accomplisg this, but a loud click will be heard, one can minimize this noise by pressing the thumbswitch when closing the action, gently.
Sight must be flipped in the 'up' position to function properly, provided sght includes front (post) and rear (leaf tangent/peep) sight. Sight is graduated out to 400 yards, but it is recomended that you get within 100 yards before firing.
Shoulder gun if it is not already shouldered, lean into the expected recoil
Aim, then Pull trigger, we can't stress how important it is to aim before pulling the trigger enough.
Press thumb switch, open action, PLL automaticly ejects cartridge ven if it has not been fired.


Loading and firing oversize grenades up to 60 mm diameter:

Insert grenade into muzzle, rear end first
Twist grenade in counter-clockwise motion (from shooter's perspective) until it stops, this locks the grenade in place, arms the firing pin, arms the grenade, and keeps it from falling out during combat manuvers. Failure to do this will resualt in accomplishing nothing.
Get into a prone position, press stock tighly into shoulder, deploy bipod if available, and brace body for recoil
Aim
Pull trigger
Press thumb release, open action, PLL will eject initial propellant charge container
To remove unfired oversize grenades, twist grenade in clockwise direction and pull grenade out of breech while pressing thumb release, but do not open action, as that may damage the greande.


To Fire Grenades larger than 60 mm:

Remove grenade launcher from parent gun
Attach to a mortar baseplate or any other suitably sturdy object
(armor plate, log, wall, sidewalk, detached body armor section)
Pistl grip should be facing you and sight should be in 'extreme down' position, a 2nd front sight is used for this oberation, and is calibrated for firing grenades at angles greater than 45 degrees from horizontal.
Loading/unloading is similar to 40-60 mm oversize grenade
Aim
Pull trigger
Open action to remove spent casing
Re-attach HM-320 at end of firing session

NOTE: the gun will be used 'upside down'. This gun also uncludes a light detachable 'Universal firing plate" which is concave in shape, we strongly stress this is NOT a "knee mortar". This gun also comes with a stand-alone stock, mostly for training and sighting in. Both rear attachments connect to the mortar baseplate connector. The UFP also can serve as a heat shield for the grenade launcher when not needed.

The only other ting I can think of is my old steam poweed heavy transport aircraft...
It also has been postulated to fire chainsaws, along with "Chainsaws from god"

We also offer live beaver /w/ laser-chainsaw strapped to head as a shel for the HM-320 'custom', simply, if you can strap a 40 mm booster motor to it, the HM-320 can try firing it...

That's about it...

(Though I did come up with a rather interesting way to use the CFR-06...)

Honorable mention:
(as seen on NS draft shortly before I was banned for my vies about nukes, horses, SHBTs, fortified cities, and the weather, oh, and debating with a mod the above topics)
(No stats, as I haven't designed it because the they are that ridiculous)
Electro/flame-thrower, a long range (25 meter) taser... and a flamethrower... in one nice package...

36" invisi-rail-mortar, a short tube using ionised air instead of conventional rails, a pair of trailing wires help prevent arcing behind the shell. Simulates a 1 mile long barrel...
Shoots oil drums, monkeys, goats, chainsaws, cows, artillery shells, missiles, planes, and satalites...

These are my most ridiculuos 'conventional' weapons, that someone ese, or myself, have used, or threatened to use.

XM-1337

Experimental Elite Incapacitation Weapon

The XM-1337's specifications are built around the ability to launch extremely frustrated and agile as well as angry female cats in heat from a safely fitted kitty launching, cross-bow like weapon. It is to be used in close, to medium quarters conditions as to the crossbows lack of range. Though as the cat is launched it becomes scared. When it impacts the victims face it latches on digging its nails into the skin. The frustrated meows and hisses of hate give way to the ever painful sting of having 20 tiny and sharp nails digging and tearing away at the victims skin. Thusly, as they hesitate to choose as to weather take you out or get rid of the kitty. In controlled clinical studies 8/10 soldiers attempted to take of the kitty, which was a very timely task as you could then move past, or neutralize the busy/incapacitated soldier.

Also depending on the cuteness of the kitty, soldiers are 80% more likely to safely dislodge the kitty from their faces to 1. Save their skin from being ripped from this faces, 2. Not hurt the cat. Cats are rated from 1-10 scale cuteness rating, of course military grade kitties have to score at least an 8 or above. It is not suggested to use under military grade kitties as soldiers are 80% MORE likely to harm the cat in the process of removing it from their faces.

Specifications:

# Hurls kitties downrange at 113 fps with 30.4 ft.-lbs. of kinetic energy
# Draw weight is 185 lbs.
# Includes 30mm Multi-Dot Red Dot
# Weighs an astoundingly light 2 pounds
# Overall Length, 3 1/2 feet.

cheapskate solution:

Kitty hand grenade...

Pick up a cute stray, and throw it at the man...
Has the additional benefit of rabies...

Hardly a new idea, but still funny...

One (fictional) woman has thrown a cat over the Simpson home

If that fails, just hose him down with water and taser him...

A Weapon from the Dyelli Beybian Department of Inadvisably Constructed Firearms

The Mk 1 'Crocodile Gun'

Dyelli Beybi is a Nation with a Crocodile problem. When the crocodiles in question are the size of small buses this becomes a serious problem... that is why the Mk 1 crocodile gun was designed.

The Mk1 crocodile gun is a 40mm cannon squeezbored down to 8.01 mm size. The barrel is approximately 2.98 metres long and made of three seperate parts which are screwed together. It is highly advisable that the end section is discarded and replaced after every shot to avoid explosions which may have serious detrimental health effects for the operator.

The cannon is muzzle loading. In order to load the weapon, one first needs to unscrew the second section of the gun.

The gun comes with a handy titanium bipod and a complimentary headstone.

A Weapon from the Dyelli Beybian Department of Inadvisably Constructed Firearms

The Mk 1 'Crocodile Gun'

Dyelli Beybi is a Nation with a Crocodile problem. When the crocodiles in question are the size of small buses this becomes a serious problem... that is why the Mk 1 crocodile gun was designed.

The Mk1 crocodile gun is a 40mm cannon squeezbored down to 8.01 mm size. The barrel is approximately 2.98 metres long and made of three seperate parts which are screwed together. It is highly advisable that the end section is discarded and replaced after every shot to avoid explosions which may have serious detrimental health effects for the operator.

The cannon is muzzle loading. In order to load the weapon, one first needs to unscrew the second section of the gun.

The gun comes with a handy titanium bipod and a complimentary headstone.

Dangit! Someone made a gun bigger than my CC-35C 35 mm rifle... again...
But aha! a squeezebore! It technically is only 8 mm, so I'm still in the lead...

*Wonders what a 40/60mm rocket/grenade would do to a crocodile...*

The claim to fame of the Mk 1 Crodocodile Gun is it's exceptional record of expoding and killing it's operator.

The claim to fame of the Mk 1 Crodocodile Gun is it's exceptional record of expoding and killing it's operator.

And that makes it different from the HM-320... how?

Except it is recoil that kills the HM-320 operator... But I've placed enough warning labels on the gun to prevent any lawsuits.

Evil...

CM-26 (http://images.military.com/pics/SoldierTech_Shrike-2.jpg)
Type: Squad Automatic Weapon
Caliber: 6.5 x 55 mm
Barrel Length: 20"/508 mm
Overall Length: 30"/762 mm
Magazine:100 round belt or 30 round detachable box
Wieght: 8 lbs empty, 12 lbs /w/ 100 round belt fitted
ROF: clocked at 600 RPM
Action: Gas operated, closed rotating bolt

FMX-6B: The "Chopper"
Tank Killing CAS
Physical Characteristics:
Length: 40 ft
Span: 30 ft
Empty Weight: 12,000 lbs
Max takeoff weight: 24,000 lbs
Fuel: 200 gal
Structure: Composite sandwich panels and monocoque tube bracing
Control: FBW with 2 Wire and Pulley control redundancies
Avionics: IR Radios, UH to LFDF (radar warning/direction finder) GPS/inertial Nav.
Flight display: Analogue (dials) and HUD
Engine: Turboprop (1,000 hp)
Performance:
Maximum Speed: 350 mph
Cruise Speed: 180 mph (max range)
Loitering speed: 90 mph (max endurance)
Take off speed: 60 mph (landing gear limits angle of attack)
Min. Speed: 30 mph (at very high angles of attack)
Range: (200 gal) 1500 miles (600 gal) 6,000 miles (1000 gal) 10,000 miles (1400 gal) 15,000 miles
Rate of Climb: 1200 ft/min
Ceiling: 25,000 ft
Minimum Runway: 1000 ft
Load:
Internal:Two 1 ton hardpoints may carry a 400-gallon ferry tank each
External:
Two 1 ton pylons on inside of wing, may carry a 200-gallon drop tank each
Two ½ ton pylons on outside of wing
A pair of ¼ ton wingtip pylons
Guns: 2 CC-35B revolver cannons (35 mm)

CZ-75 Automatic (http://world.guns.ru/handguns/hg51-e.htm)
Fully automatic Pistol
Chamber: 9x19 Luger/Para, 6.5 x 25 mm
Weight: 1000 g
Length: 206 mm
Barrel length: 120 mm
ROF: 1,000 rpm
Flush Magazine Capacity:16 9mm rounds, PROHT makes 20 rd magazines.
This discontinued czech design was picked up, dusted off, and put into full production.
Cost:$50
Optional 120 mm/5" barrel extension and clip on buttstock
makes a nice cheap carbine, good out to 200 meters in this fashion

12" cannon:
Standard shells:
Shells:
RAP-ER-S Rocket Assisted Projectile ER Small (1)
RAP-ER-L " " " " Large (125) 80% max range
RAP-ER-X Full caliber Rocket assisted ER shell (12345) 50%
RAP-DS-S " " " Discarding Sabot Small (1234) 80%
RAP-DS-L " " " Discarding Sabot Large (12345) 50%
RAP (12345)
Conventional (12345)

Warheads
1>AP
2>APHE
3>HESH
4>HE
5>Munition Carrier (mines/bomblets)

CR-12ER
12" Railroad gun
(PROHT refuses to define what ER means, assumed to mean 'Extended Range)
Emplacent time:2 hrs
ROF: 60 Rounds per hour 120 RPH burst
Range:
100 lb RAP-ER-S 160 miles
600 lb Conventional 16 miles
Price: $500 million
(Note: fired an APDS round and it skipped for 100 miles, crashing into the rear end of another artillery battery, the tanks that were in the way simply ceased to exist)

The 20 Kg thermobaric hand grenade is simply layed on the ground, and given a god kick to roll it in the direction of the enemy, perfect for urban warfare...
Especially if you manage to send one through a door, does damage even when thrown down a flight of stairs...

HM-320
Underbarrel grenade launcher/man-portable mortar

Fires 40 x 46 mm grenades, rifle grenades, and some rockets with oversize warheads up to 155 mm*

Comes with 5 pound baseplate for use as short range heavy mortar

*WARNING* This weapon has issues with recoil when firing anything bigger than a 60 mm rifle grenade. You have been warned.



The only other ting I can think of is my old steam poweed heavy transport aircraft...
It also has been postulated to fire chainsaws, along with "Chainsaws from god"

We also offer live beaver /w/ laser-chainsaw strapped to head as a shel for the HM-320 'custom', simply, if you can strap a 40 mm booster motor to it, the HM-320 can try firing it...

That's about it...

(Though I did come up with a rather interesting way to use the CFR-06...)

Honorable mention:
(as seen on NS draft shortly before I was banned for my vies about nukes, horses, SHBTs, fortified cities, and the weather, oh, and debating with a mod the above topics)
(No stats, as I haven't designed it because the they are that ridiculous)
Electro/flame-thrower, a long range (25 meter) taser... and a flamethrower... in one nice package...

36" invisi-rail-mortar, a short tube using ionised air instead of conventional rails, a pair of trailing wires help prevent arcing behind the shell. Simulates a 1 mile long barrel...
Shoots oil drums, monkeys, goats, chainsaws, cows, artillery shells, missiles, planes, and satalites...

These are my most ridiculuos 'conventional' weapons, that someone ese, or myself, have used, or threatened to use.

OOC: Evil?

I'll take them all? Wonderful, wonderful! I'll take 20 of each! How much do you want?

And that makes it different from the HM-320... how?

Except it is recoil that kills the HM-320 operator... But I've placed enough warning labels on the gun to prevent any lawsuits.

Dyelli Beybi doesn't believe in law suits... it believes in Government investigations which find no fault whatsoever on the part of the manufacturer. A warning sticker might be useful though possibly over the trigger, saying something like;

"Warning, pulling this trigger may cause weapon to spontaneously explode, with serious negative health outcomes. The Department of Inadvisably Constructed Firearms will not be held responsible by any damage to persons caused by opperation of this device."

Submitting the Liquidator - non-lethal anti-vehicle mine.

The device looks like a large cask, roughly twice the size of a wine cask. When installed correctly with the entire device embedded into a loose soil type (sand, top soil, etc), only the small trigger is visible above ground, which can be easily camouflaged.

Inside the Liquidator there are two parts: the majority of the device, roughly 90%, is filled with a high viscosity rapidly evaporating liquid. This surrounds a core of high explosive material, which is shaped to spread its explosive through the liquid in a circular shape parallel to the ground.

The device works as follows: a tank or other similarly sized vehicle drives over the Liquidator, activating the trigger. The explosive charge detonates both loosening the soil around the device and mixing the liquid in it. This immediately turns the ground around the vehicle into a type of quicksand, with a depth of around 5 feet. The viscosity is such that soldiers typically don't have difficulty crossing, but the mass of a military vehicle sends it to the bottom. Once embedded, escape is nearly impossible as part of its viscosity comes from the explosive charge "shaking" the ground, and the other comes from the now evaporating liquid, which is usually gone within 5 minutes, leaving the vehicle embedded in 5-6 feet of soil.

Yes, $5 million dollars sounds excellent for the bouncing betty nonlethal munition.

Having trouble with rioters. Our new anti-riot truck has just arrived. Mounting an electrically charged liquid cannon, a taser mortar, and a 2 meter x 2 meter wall of sound sonic boom cannon, this truck can take care of any pesky rioters, dissidents, or protesters you may have. In addition there is a bullhorn, flashing lights, and train whistle. Keep your capital clear of trouble. This heavily armored truck has 8 solid tires, a modular armor block system consisting of steel casings with a very tough lightweight polymer injected into the blocks. The front sports a three inch thick bulldozer shaped ram to herd people. When the trucks are moved close together they can form a barrier of steel. It runs on an MFI-- multi-fuel injected engine allowing you to supply it with gas, alcohol, ethanol, vegetable oil, or any safe liquid that burns. A variety of liquids are available for the electrically charged liquid cannon-- banana peel frictionless liquid and permanent die liquid in a variety of colors.

OOC: Evil?

I'll take them all? Wonderful, wonderful! I'll take 20 of each! How much do you want?

20 of each? For just one guy to play with?

Something doesn't look right...

Oh well...

You get 20 of each for free demo purposes, we'll want them back at the end of the trial though.

20 of each? For just one guy to play with?

Something doesn't look right...

Oh well...

You get 20 of each for free demo purposes, we'll want them back at the end of the trial though.

OOC: ?

IC: Do you mind if I return them destroyed? I have an unfortunate habit of destroying them. Like that Battleship I bought, the Gyrojet gun I took apart to make a bong, and that tank I used so hard its barrel broke.

OOC: Ah, I see you've purchased from PRA before, considering we're the only ones to manufacture a 60mm gyrojet weapon. ;)

IC:

Sir Majors,

We at Pale Rider Arms have several weapons we believe you will be interested in, and that will hold your attention longer than our Godslayer/Thunderbolt weapons systems. Enclosed below are datafiles on two of our more.... interesting... weapons systems: Fast Acting Rectal Traumatizer, a popular chemical agent for nonlethal use, as well as limited availability as a prankster's tool; and CandiMal, a new development in genetically engineered organisms. We hope they suit your unique needs.

Yours,
Daniel Quetzal
CEO of Pale Rider Arms

Fast Acting Rectal Traumatizer
A potent cocktail of chemical agents, Fast Acting Rectal Traumatizer is guaranteed to leave your target with memories he'll repress forever! Primarily composed of a mix of DMSO (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dimethyl_sulfoxide), PRA's patented ColonBlow instant laxative laced with a mild time-delayed blister agent, and 3-Quinuclidinyl benzilate (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3-quinuclidinyl_benzilate), Fast Acting Rectal Traumatizer will leave your target incapacitated for hours.

Symptoms include: Severe, instantaneous, and uncontrollable incontinence; rectal burning and inflammation; disturbing hallucinations; and an incredibly long lasting odor and taste of garlic.

Sold in paintballs, pure liquid formula, and PRA's patented SlapPatches (GREAT FOR PARTIES!!!). NOW AVAILABLE FOR CIVILIAN USE!!!

CandiMal Genetically Enhanced Organisms
New from PRA's bleeding edge genetic engineering department, CandiMal Genetically Enhanced Organisms are perfect guard animals for your office building! With a wide variety of baseline animals availabe, you can find one that suits your needs!

CandiMals are hybridized organisms, with the primary donator of DNA being your choice of several baseline animals, including Wombricks, Swamp Dragons, Otagian Quolls, Cobras and Drop Bears, Pirhanas, and Abram's Lobsters (http://wiki.dumpshock.com/index.php/Abrams_Lobster). The secondary donor is the Amazonian Candiru, which donates its extreme sensitivity and attraction to human urine. In Wombricks, Dragons, Quolls, cobras, and Drop Bears, their natural sense of smell is sensitive enough to detect even the slightest hint of urine, forcing them into a frenzied attack on its source, which they can narrow down to an area of roughly 4 square centimeters. In the Abram's Lobster and Pirhana, sense of smell is limited to it's body of water, but accuracy and response are no less disturbing.

Additional baseline animals are available upon request, as are scent-sealed suits.

~snip~

Astounding, and I meant no pun with that choice of first word.

How about 10 of each and I'll wire over some $10 million US?

Certainly. Your Fast Acting Rectal Traumatizer and CandiMals (plus handlers, at least for the duration of their transport) will be shipped immediately upon receipt of payment. We look forward to hearing what uses you find for them.

Yours,
Daniel Quetzal
CEO of Pale Rider Arms

OOC: ?

IC: Do you mind if I return them destroyed? I have an unfortunate habit of destroying them. Like that Battleship I bought, the Gyrojet gun I took apart to make a bong, and that tank I used so hard its barrel broke.

OOC: What?

IC:
Sure, so long as you return them, every piece and scrap...

Otherwise we'll bill you some massively huge amount of money you could not possably afford...

OOC: What?

IC:
Sure, so long as you return them, every piece and scrap...

Otherwise we'll bill you some massively huge amount of money you could not possably afford...

OOC: Are you suspicious I'll reverse engineer them? I could have done that a while ago, but a lot of your weapons are over the top and I made this thread because I was bored and wanted some cheap laughs. If anything the chainsaw artillery gun is more interesting than you 36" mortar.

What is this the Civil War in your storefront?

IC:

A box arrived at the PROHT Storefront, in it was the world's largest bong and hookah, and several of them, made from the 36" mortars. Along with a large supply of tobacco.

"Enjoy, the rest will come later."

So the prospect of firing a cluster of chainsaws out of the mortar like a shotgun and downing a forest didn't interest you?

Okay, chainsaws with cute fluffy cats as wadding in a 36" mortar... filled with gasoline and set on fire upon firing...

Picture if you will, a hail of flameing chainsaws tearing down upon you with a pile of wite fluffy bunnies with their fur on fire latching onto whatever they land onto (such as the victim's face) or running through the forest setting brushwod on fire...

and a smoke plume visable from over 50 miles away...
Meowing and screaming can be heard for 150 miles.

All small mammals with sensitive ears go deaf within a 500 mile radius...

the 36 was more of a 'little david' nuclear mortar design...

*stuffs some 'tamacco (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomacco)' into the cats*

Well, after digging around in some of the more ancient warehouses, we have found an interesting crowd control weapon the old chellian police would use. Seems to be a fairly straightforward grenade launcher, but we decided to try it out anyways.

We were quite surprised to find it launched air-burst grenades that burst acid out. And by that, we mean the drug.

Seeing as you have no trouble having tanks, battleships, and every sort of firearm possible, we assume you won't have problems taking a drug-based weapon? If you're interested, we can send it for 30k Chellian Euro's. That includes 80 grenades, and we can make more.