Jaredcohenia
01-11-2006, 23:01
4:48 AM, Near Coheningrad.
"Damnit, Guy! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"Honey, I'm sorry...just breathe...just breathe..."
"HOW CAN I FUCKING BREATHE KNOWING THAT I NEED TO SHOVE A TWO FOOT LIVING THING OUT OF MY VAGINA?!"
A doctor spoke to the man. "Sir...I think it's best to..."
"FUCKING GIVE ME DRUGS!" An IV was shot into the woman's veins. It was sleepy time in a few minutes.
~~
6:00 AM, Television Report near Coheningrad
"Good morning, Coheningrad! This is Jonas Kirov reporting to you from Finniburg Municipal Hospital, where we'd like to introduce you to little Isaac." *camera pans on a newborn baby, in mother's arms* "Isaac, born to Guy and Mildred Montag, is officially the four billionth Jaredcohenian citizen! This baby, weighing around four kilos, and 49 cm, is officially recognized as the four billionth child in Jaredcohenia. It is thought that by the end of today, however, there will be an additional four million children born. We will now speak to the father, since the mother, who is currently unavailable for commentary."
"Well, I never thought that my own son would be the four billionth citizen! It is quite an honor, in fact. Honey...you got some drool.." Guy took out a tissue from a nearby box and wiped his wife's mouth of glistening drool.
"We at Jaredcohenia News Network would like to present a voucher for free tickets to what ever destination you choose that flies from Coheniair. Two tickets, courtesy of the Republic. And to all of you watching out there on satellite television, we at Jaredcohenia give you four billion reasons not to mess with us! Just kidding! For Jaredcohenia News Network, this is Jonas Kirov."
"Damnit, Guy! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"Honey, I'm sorry...just breathe...just breathe..."
"HOW CAN I FUCKING BREATHE KNOWING THAT I NEED TO SHOVE A TWO FOOT LIVING THING OUT OF MY VAGINA?!"
A doctor spoke to the man. "Sir...I think it's best to..."
"FUCKING GIVE ME DRUGS!" An IV was shot into the woman's veins. It was sleepy time in a few minutes.
~~
6:00 AM, Television Report near Coheningrad
"Good morning, Coheningrad! This is Jonas Kirov reporting to you from Finniburg Municipal Hospital, where we'd like to introduce you to little Isaac." *camera pans on a newborn baby, in mother's arms* "Isaac, born to Guy and Mildred Montag, is officially the four billionth Jaredcohenian citizen! This baby, weighing around four kilos, and 49 cm, is officially recognized as the four billionth child in Jaredcohenia. It is thought that by the end of today, however, there will be an additional four million children born. We will now speak to the father, since the mother, who is currently unavailable for commentary."
"Well, I never thought that my own son would be the four billionth citizen! It is quite an honor, in fact. Honey...you got some drool.." Guy took out a tissue from a nearby box and wiped his wife's mouth of glistening drool.
"We at Jaredcohenia News Network would like to present a voucher for free tickets to what ever destination you choose that flies from Coheniair. Two tickets, courtesy of the Republic. And to all of you watching out there on satellite television, we at Jaredcohenia give you four billion reasons not to mess with us! Just kidding! For Jaredcohenia News Network, this is Jonas Kirov."